>> ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! -- >> andrew, i gotta tell you-- your laugh scares the [bleep] out of me. >> because it's a farce. what neil did was reach down and push the dog back, at which point, the dog bit him. >> it sounds like he was just trying to stop the dog from running in the street. >> i was horrified. why--why would you do that? >> as andrew's ranting and raving, neil walks in. instead of andrew using some sort of decorum or discretion or shutting his mouth, he continues. he actually gets even more amped up. >> and then he comes up to my office yelling and screaming at me that i should have shown more compassion. >> but i think when that happens, i think what people are looking for is some level of sympathy. >> that's not--again, my staff has to function a right way. >> i know. >> when neil started working here, and i told him to this-- to his face--i had big hopes for him. >> when you say that to somebody, "i had high hopes for you..." >> neil did not hear that from me until we had a huge argument in t

ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! eh... i don't think i'm gonna fit in there, either. and push with your arms. hey! oh! hello! hello...there. where did you go? uh, i was, you know, gonna go to rome -- roam around. [rome] uh, come with me. i can show you. okay. not you. get back. get back! i show you roma and the làgo di bracciano, where i grow up. okay? yes. very nice. uh, hurry up, before my father sees. marie: robert! i don't understand. what is this? this is luck. toots, over here. stefania: ciao! ciao! [ horn honks ] look at this. robert gets the gelato girl, and i get hosed down by mrs. mussolini. marie: oh, look at that! debra: and the colors of it -- this is beautiful. frank: this is somethin'! look at the -- look at the fountain. oh! ha! raymond, i can't belie wee here! these are the spanish steps. spanish? i knew we were walkin' too long. and the reason they're called that -- okay, sorry i asked. we're goin' up. do we have to, really? ray, this is the spanish steps! where's the spanish elevator? i'll go with you, honey. thank you, marie. only you would think o

ha!" ah ha ha ha ha ha. come on.it could be. you know chuck wilson? you knowwhat he told me? the . shoo away the penguins. that's cold... wilson's wife. and yet, i don'tthink a. think about me.t the other s think about me. i'm not gonna make joke. thank you. you still gonna coo? yes. you wanna takey? --www.ncicap.org--nationalce a division of time warneren. no. ok, then, can ihave? oh, come on! come on. come on. you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec-d®. powerful relief of nasal congestion and other allergy symptoms -- all in one pill. zyrtec-d®. at the pharmacy counter. and other allergy symptoms -- all in one pill. the chill of peppermint. the rich dark chocolate. york peppermint pattie get the sensation. with new quality ingredients. like angus beef, hickory ham, and our new buttery seasoned crusts. then...we add hot. because hot makes everything better. [ female announcer ] better taste. better quality. [ ding! ] ♪ hot pockets! a pediatrician.ands of ar ] surgeon. taste. better quality. these are pioneering advances in heart surgery. and these are developing gro

ha ha ha! ha ha ha! marie: [ laughing ] oh, i'm so happy!kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ look at this. i can't believe that we're here! who's that? oh, hi. nice to meet you. oh, hello. we, uh, actually had a lot to eat on the plane. all right. come on, kids have one. isn't this good? ooh, look -- this is chocolate. oh, my god, this is amazing! ray, taste this. no, i can't -- i can't taste anything. i got a cold from that damn air conditioner on the van. it's freezing in there. unh. jeez aloo! i married the wrong broad. [ loudly and slowly ] you...have...a...lovely...home. come on, we're gonna go see the house. come on, sweetie. come on. oh! oh, this is wonderful. oh, i love this. marie: okay, here we go. this is

ha ha ha ha! - oh, hey, what's up, adam? you are lookin' straight jacked, dude. - dang, homie!ice! - i can't go to hedonism. i'm not gonna have a good time. i won't get laid. - why? - why is that? - because my dick fell off! [all laughing] oh! just kidding. i tucked it back. it actually hurts a lot. my dick's back here, though. [hip-hop beat boxing] ♪ - ♪ i'm fresh ♪ you gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪ ♪ gotta be fresh - hey, you guys are packin' sunscreen, right? remember, this is their summer. - no way, dude. i'm trying to get beyonce dark!

ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! you like that? i got a million of them. unbelievable. unbelievable. agnolo. come va? you don't see my daughter no more. oh. [ clears throat ] you know, sir, if i may -- here -- here, look -- let's sit down, huh? please. please. can we -- can we sit down? per favóre, huh? let's sit. grazie. mílle grazie, huh? [ clears throat ] signore fogagno... frank: ah, your mother's ass! i don't like you. [ bell dings ] ciao, tútti! hi, daddy. hi, daddy. hi, daddy. ciao! hello, everybody! beautiful day, huh? oh! look what i have. signóra, bellisima. for you. you can have those. here, you can have one of those. beautiful. see how they wrap them? and what is this? mom... and aunt coletta! these are for you. [ laughing ] what are you doing? you look good. come here. i want to talk to you. what? come here, come here. listen... um, i know you wanted to talk to me before, and i know what you were gonna say. no, you don't. whatever you were gonna say, you were right. and i'm not just sayin' that so we don't have to talk about it anymore like at home. it's just -- there's s

ha ha ha. yeah, what of it? all right. let's go. what? co o big st, arm wrestle. frank, take your elbow off the table. relax. you can have winners. come on. m wa. i'm not arm wrestling you, okay, you maniac i don't have anything to prove. well, then that proves something, doesn't it? don't listen to him. don't listen to him. you're a sweet boy and that's what you do. i'm not swt! don't get upset. what i meant to y is that you're sweet, but you're also manly. you're a strapping, virile man. said his mommy. i'm not only his mommy, frank i'm also a woman. oh, god. you always do things like that. i remember you getting in fights all the time. getting picked on, you mean. a wedgie is not a fight. do you remember that boy who was bothering you and you walloped him? oh, yeah, that's right, robert's friend albert gomez. how old was this bruiser, 10? for your information, dad, i was 10, okay? he was 12...and 1/2. ooh. he called me "big nose barone" and i said, "stop." he said -- he said, "okay, b.n.b." i knew what that meant, yeah, so i punched him in the stomach and he went down like a sack of doorknobs. yeah. it wasn't "big nose barone" anymore. it wassuper punch." and you don't have a big nose, dear. it's perfect for your face. it'serfect for two faces. all right, dadhuh? knock it off. easy there, super punch. what did they call you, super paunch? easy theri'm right here. all right, let go. i don't li that. stop it, and t on my egg salad. ready? go. i'm just playing with you. yeah. yeah, sure. 3...2...1. ha ha ha. what did you expt, kid? 's my tv arm. you're a bully, frank. come on -- two out of three. aah, mfunny bone! frank, look what you did. he's hurt. i'll take aahhis sawich, too. waiting for your wrinkle cream to work? neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair has the fastest retinol formula. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just onweek. neutrogena®. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just onweek. medicare part d plan did you know that if you enroll in a where walmart is a preferred pharmacy, you could save up to 80% on your co-pays over other pharmacies? this could lower your prescription co-pays to as low as a dollar so you can enjoy the things that really matter. and now that we're a preferred pharmacy for many natnal plans, it's never been easier to save. chse a plan ere walmart is a preferred pharmacy provider logging on to walmart.corxplans now through december 7th. save money. live better. walmart. mom swaps one of my snacks for a ylait. i don't mind, i mean 's

ha ha ha ha. oh! hey, hey, hey, hey, what do you think you're doing? what? i do nothing. hink you did, you naughty monkey. ha ha ha ha. oh, come on! hey, you're a good golf player. well, i'm trying to be. all right. listen, about -- okay, okay, okay. come here. listen, listen. look, i-i know you're just trying to have fun, okay, but there's something you should know. see, when raymond and i were kids, he used to poke me quite a bit, all right? poke, poke, poke, poke. he was, how you say, uh, a jerk, okay? so that's why now i'm sort of anti-poke, okay? oh, no, no, no, no, but, listen, if i had to choose someone to poke me, it would be you... but don't poke me. okay? all right, here, you go first. okay. all right, very good. try again. okay, all right, take -- yeah, all right. take your time. okay, all right, well, that -- that's, uh, all right. that's an interesting technique. all right! very nice! okay. okay. very good. thank you. okay. [ hits ball into cup ] hey, bravo, 'berto! very good. thank you, thank you. aah! ooh, i like. so, you two having a good time? yeah, a blas

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! what, did they driv? yeah. yeah. what happened? dpa robert, what do we do? i'll fill out a report. you. oh, here we go. did i let you drive? becausanymore.n't see i can see a house! oh, my god. what -- all right, look,don't w. that dad's car insurance will cover this. i'm not sureit'. we never go anywhere. i can't believe this! all rhomeowner's insurance? okaygood. right.nce. where did i put that? it's not over there. get out of here, dog. no, go away. oh, look at him. can we keep him? no, sweetie. we never get anything. we can't keep a dog. he'll juokay?n away, get him out. go out the back. let them take the dogt through the kitchen. he'll make a mess in there. looks like we're covered. oh, wonderful. you'the deductible. pay stinkin' crooks. here's what you do. yto add an extra grandr to the bill, your insurance company cuts yi get it back. i don't want to hear this.-- hey, dudlwake up.ght, the world works. into the insurance system. well, it's also built into the system.l justice category -- fraud. nerd! nerd? you called me a nerd

ha ha ha. that's it. ha ha. he's right. what are those little towels withhe golfringe for, for when the pope comes over here to use the downstairs can? be quiet. i'm using 'em. no, you're not. are you happy now, raymond? oh, come on, ma. it's not a big deal. let me tell you something, raymond. when you boys were little, you were always outside in the dirt, and then you'd tromp through here like it was a bus station, anrobe with his gigantic feet, it was like having a horse in the house. ray and frank: ha ha ha! no, no. it was not funny, no. it was all i could do to take care of this place. hi. take off your shoes! huh? ke your shoes off. you're not in a barn. do what she says, we'll give you a carrot. well, what's going on? okay, you see, marie? this is what i'm talking about. you're so obsessed with the hse being clean, look what you're doing to your son. all right. fine, fine. put your shoes back on and gallop around here all you want. what? put them back on. yeah, and check the expiration date on your feet what are you do

ha ha! ha ha ha ha! and one time i walked in on him naked. and his thing is so small.ould be a shuffle. (all) ohh! uh, can i make just a little announcement? in a professional roast, usually the roaster will say something nice about the roastee after they're done. something about how much they love them, so just keep that in mind. mike claims we're all a family. we are! isn't that right? we are a family. oh, okay. so, um... what's his name? all the way in the back, there. oh, very funny. mmm. what's his name? uh... [laughs] i'm thinking roy. roy left years ago. what's his name? i don't believe i have had the pleasure. michael, i gave you a ride home last week and we spent an hour in traffic. what's his name? jefferson. nope. his name is michael. [rim shot] [playing tune of what i like about you] [audience clapping with beat] ♪ what i hate about you ♪ you really suck as a boss ♪ (man) yeah! ♪ you're the losiest, jerkiest ♪ ♪ and you're dumber than applesauce ♪ ♪ we're stuck listening to you all day ♪ ♪ stanley tried to die just to get away ♪ ♪ well, it's true ♪ that's w

thei lack in size, they more than make up with in personality, thanks to the man in charge. >> ha ha ha ha ha! how you doin', man? >> i'm doin' great. >> are you havin' a great time >> havin' a great time. >> in the wine business, everyone is trying to get their bottle of wine noticed, but for mac mcdonald, being noticed in a crowd has never been a oblem. from his overalls to his straw hat, mac is about as an original character to the wine industry as it comes, but he's banking on exactly that fact as he tries to bridge the gap between his heritage and a new blend of wine drinkers. >> it's to promote wine to all nationalities, but with special interest on the african-american community. and i think that it's good for the wine industry. i don't say you have to drink african-american wine. i just want folks to drink wine. you may not like vision cellars phnot noir. that's ok. >> and mac couldn't have come into the industry at a better time. new research shows that only a handful of wineries are actually owned by african-americans, yet they make up more than 10% of the nation's wine drinkers,

ha ha ha ha ha. okay. uh, i'll just get my jammies. you know what's the best thing to sleep in? tel? nothing. au naturel. it really gives the body a sense of freedom, huh, honey? oh, let freedom ring. ha ha. yeah, this is wunderbar. nice firm mattress, huh? this will be great for my hip.

it has like -- my favorite part is the wind turbines on the front. >> jimmy: really. >> yeah, wind turbines. >> jimmy: you like wind turbines. next team we will talk wind turbines. >> ha-ha-ha wasn't a joke, arden. but, you, since you were here last you have become very interested in geography, right? >> yeah, right. that's why -- >> jimmy: we have maps on the wall. so you know every country in the world -- >> that does not have south sudan on it. >> jimmy: missing a country? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where should it be? that should be south sudan. >> the blue country like, broke up into a southern half called south sudan. >> jimmy: sorry, i didn't know. you know what, i am going to make sure some one gets fired over that. >> yeah, because, because -- because, the country broke up into two countries. >> jimmy: ridiculous. you think everyone would know that. >> but no one does. >> jimmy: but no one does. except for you. you know a lot of this stuff the i am going to quiz you. want to start with an easy question. how many countries are there? >> 196. >> jimmy: exactly right. we are going to show you some countries. and, i would look ike to ask yo identify the country and name the ca

ha ha ha.and the second thing is that we have just been dedicated to producing a quality product. and we love our work, as they say. i should be retired, but i'd probably be divorced because i'd be too much time at home. >> for "california country," i'm tracy sellers. >> brought to you by allied insurance, a member of the nationwide families of companies, which also includes nationwide insurance, on your side. >> from farm to feast, stay tuned for more of the tempting taes of california. >> as californians, we're connected to agriculture. that's why the allied insurance partnership with the california farm bureau offers us discounts on auto insurance, whether we live on the farm or in the city. as a member of the nationwide family of companies, allied insurance is committed to protecting what's important for you and your community. contact your local agent today. ♪ nationwide is on your side [music playing] >> it's one thing to buy things in boxes and packages and just have it show up, it's ano

it has like -- my favorite part is the wind turbines on the front. >> jimmy: really. >> yeah, wind turbines. >> jimmy: you like wind turbines. next team we will talk wind turbines. >> ha-ha-haat wasn't a joke, arden. but, you, since you were here last you have become very interested in geography, right? >> yeah, right. that's why -- >> jimmy: we have maps on the wall. so you know every country in the world -- >> that does not have south sudan on it. >> jimmy: missing a country? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where should it be? that should be south sudan. >> the blue country like, broke up into a southern half called south sudan. >> jimmy: sorry, i didn't know. you know what, i am going to make sure some one gets fired over that. >> yeah, because, because -- because, the country broke up into two countries. >> jimmy: ridiculous. you think everyone would know that. >> but no one does. >> jimmy: but no one does. except for you. you know a lot of this stuff the i am going to quiz you. want to start with an easy question. how many countries are there? >> 196. >> jimmy: exactly right. we are going to show you some countries. and, i would look ike to ask yo identify the country and name the

ha-ha-ha! throw it away. for those who are new, the motto of this class, carpe diem, seize the day, no tests, no papers. you want an a? live in the moment. jackpot. take off your shoes. quick, take off your shoes. everyone, take your shoes off, throw them away. throw them across the room, over there. today we learn to walk. get up and walk out the door. this day could be your last. you could die in your sleep. you could get hit by a bus. you--that mole is raised and dark, it's not a good combo. you are new. yes, i'm new. but i'll be old too soon. carpe diem, sir, carpe diem. ha! voice command. [cell phone beeps] voice command. [cell phone beeps] voice command. [beeps] voice command. voice command. [beeps] [clears throat] voice comm-- [beeps] would you please use the buttons? okay, grandpa. [in high-pitched voice] achoo! oh. god bless you, dear. [both giggle] what's so funny? you guys, i found it. the ultimate blow-off class. professor whitman, he thinks he's in dead poets society. there's no tests, there's no work, it's just day seizing. the deadline to enroll is tomorrow. i suggest you all do it. well, some of us are here to actually learn things. i'm in. me too, it sounds educational. i'll do it. i love robin williams. abed? not a fan. in every movie, there's an authority figure that gets mad at him for making people laugh. no, are you going to take the class? oh, can't. my dad will only pay for classes that will help me run the family restaurant. it's been struggling since 2001. 9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel business. so your dad has your w

. >> ha ha ha ha ha, shut up. >> the helmet you are wearing, is that sexy? >> sure, why not? ricin situation? >> no. >> you are not worried about ricin? >>. no. >> do you know what ricin is? >> no. [ buzzer ] >> rising? >> ricin. >> i don't know -- >> the iranians, what are they doing that's disturbing everybody? >> i don't think they are doing much, i think we are over there. making them mad, man. [ buzzer ] >> [ laughter ] do you think there is bias in the press at all? >> do i think there is bias in the press? i have no idea. i don't know. what do you think? >> i think it's a little left. >> i'm going to go right then. >> mr. bill o'reilly has a quick question for you. >> thank you very much. nice to see you guys. have a good night. >> how much money you can make dancing? >> on a good night you can walk away with $500. >> 700. >> $700 for one night. maybe i should be a stripper? >> you are not worth $300. >> i don't know if i'm built for that? >> you are cool. >> i'm cool? >> yeah. >> i mean, that thing is good. >> take that to the bank. >> a star is born. >> do you ever j

ha ha ha ha! ok. kendrick: independence is an important goal. let's make sure we don't overprotect children with special needs. be reasonable, but provide as many chances as you can for her to do things for herself. decide what you think is most important for the child to learn and concentrate on teaching those skills. but after a fair trial at something new, if she can't seem to learn it, drop the activity without scolding her and try it again in a few months. and of course, don't forget to look for opportunities to show the child you're pleased with her and that you like her. and remember, you have the option of consulting a specialist if nothing seems to work. specialists can frequently offer valuable suggestions and support. when you have children in a class who are, some of them, developmentally delayed, some of them are considered normal development, and some of them, i suppose, who are doing better than that-- we consider, well, they might be gifted; we're not sure yet-- but you want to challenge a child wherever he is, so it really doesn'

ha ha! ha hha ha! [snortg] >> if you are interested in our local city government and would like to work with 18 other enthusiastic citizens committed to improving its operations, i encoura >> just a few steps away from union square is a quiet corner stone of san francisco's our community to the meridian gallery has a 20-year history of supporting visual arts. experimental music concert, and also readings. >> give us this day our daily bread at least three times a day. and lead us not into temptation to often on weekdays. [laughter] >> meridians' stands apart from the commercial galleries around union square, and it is because of their core mission, to increase social, philosophical, and spiritual change my isolated individuals and communities. >> it gives a statement, the idea that a significant art of any kind, in any discipline, creates change. >> it is philosophy that attracted david linger to mount a show at meridian. >> you want to feel like your work this summer that it can do some good. i felt li

ha-ha. >> ha-ha. >> then after weeks of vocal practice and prepping for the cameras, the two tributesn went head to head together for america's vote as top gobbler. the competition was stiff. we can officially declare popcorn is the winner. proving, there you go, proving that even a turkey with a funny name can find a place in politics. as for caramel he is sticking around and busy raising money for his next campaign. yeah. we give thanks for the service and sacrifice of our brave men and women in uniform who serve our nation around the world. for those of you who are watching, you keep us safe, you make us proud, and you remind us of our own obligations to build on the work of our predecessors and leave something better for our own kids. so, on behalf of the obama family i want to wish everybody a very happy thanksgiving. tomorrow as we gather with our own friend and family we will count ourselves lucky that there is more to be thankful for than we can ever say and more to be hopeful for than we can ever imagine. with the power vests in me, i want to grant, popcorn, a full reprie rep

ha ha ha. oh, my god. hands for holding. feet, kicking. better things than the joint pain and swelling of moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis. if you're trying to manage your ra, now may be the time to ask about xeljanz. xeljanz (tofacitinib) is a small pill for adults with moderate to severe ra for whom methotrexate did not work well. xeljanz can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers have happened in patients taking xeljanz. don't start taking xeljanz if you ve any kind of infection, unless ok with your doctor. tears in the stomach or intestines, low blood cell counts and higher liver tests and cholesterol levels have happened. your doctor should perform blood tests, including certain liver tests, before you start and whileyou are takin. tell your doctor if you have been to a region where certain fungal infections are common and if you have had tb, hepitis b or c, or are prone to infections. tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, and if you are pregnant, or plan tbe. taken twice daily, xeljanz can reduce the joint pain and swelling of moderate to severe ra, even without methotrexate. the joint pain and swelling ask if xeljanz is right for you. even without methotrexate. the joint pain and swelling your parents seem to be doing okay. it's nice. it's notice. my father just said, "holy crap." you always wanted our parents to get along. yeah, but i didn't want my parents to convert. look at them. you're right, marie. debra could get this rug a lot cleaner. ohh, frank, i got to tell you, i overdid it this year. you know what you need, pal? a pair of my special stretchy pants. captioning made possible by talk productions hey, the gears are stripped here. you let the kids play with this? yeah. yeah, the kids did that, dad. it had nothing to do with you plopping your jumbo can in there every day. ahh, there we . hey. hey. hey. this is erica. well, hello there. uncle robert! hey, you little monkeys. hi. say hello to erica. i've heard so much about you. you must be ally, and... this must be geoffreych and michael.ou. robert told me about the freckle patterns. the's an easier way to tell. geoffrey, raise your hand. that's geoffrey. actually, we were on our way to go bowling, t erica wanted to meet the kids. debra: hi. this is erica. hi. i'm marie, robert's mother. are you two dating? robert: ma... we, we just me last week. at emerson savings. wow, open a checking account, get a free girl. i'm going down there. sorry, get a free girl. i was the last one. hais one's got a sense of humor. hey, why don't you come to my birthday party saturday? well... come on, it's my birthday. i-i get to say who's invited and...who's not. just say the word, frank. i'm 5. how old are you? 22. that's old. [ for mcdonald's bold, new jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sandwiches, only for a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ i want to get to the lanes. they only have one pair of size 18 shoes. okay. it was nice meeting you all. take it easy. bye-bye. 22? hot damn. i don't like that, frank. it's just not right. what's not right? she's much too young. that's what makes it right. stop it. young women go after older men for one thing -- she's a gold digger. mom, it's robert. come on. what's she afte

ha ha ha! you are a monster! i'm not a monster. i'm just-- ok, then i cried, but you're tryin' to-- you're tryin' to manufacture this thing, and you're makin' that--that face. it's, uh... it's just-- it's--it's funny. that's fine. that's fine, ray. it's funny. all right. i feel good, though. i do. maybe you should schedule time for laughing. ok. uh, heh... how about the time you were in the fifth grade, and you came home, you found out your parents gave your dog away? that's not funny. and how did that make you feel? shut up. how'd you feel about that ray, huh? what was your dog's name? shamsky, number one, wasn't it? they gave your dog away. boo hoo hoo hoo. you! ah! ah! come on! hey, uh... if you hit me-- i'll cry if you hit me. come on. what? all right, so i didn't cry. what's the big deal? just forget it, ray. i mean, i'm trying to get you to understand something, but i guess it doesn't matter. tsk! all right, how about this? i got a great idea for tomorrow. since you like to be alone and cry and my mom likes to be with the kids and i happen to like golf... i have a better idea. remember how you wanted to help me with the laundry earlier? uh-oh. there's 2 more loads downstairs. honey--honey, listen-- and then you need to go to your folks' house and get the kids and take them shoe shopping. oh, my god! what happened? no! come on! we were just talking here! oh, yeah. well, i like that. i like that you want to be a better husband. yeah, but i want to do it gradually! come on. how about-- how about i'll let you cry and i won't even look in the window. and keep usin' that mouthwash. oh, come on. no. this--this--this hasn't worked out well. oh, i think it's worked out very well. heh heh heh heh. chantix... it's a non-nicotine pill. i didn't want nicotine to give up nicotine. [ male announcer ] along with support, chantix (varenicline) is proven to help people quit smoking. [ mike ] when i was taking the chantix, it reduced the urge to smoke. [ male announcer ] some people had changes in behavior, thinking or mood, hostility, agitation, depressed mood and suicidal thoughts or actions while taking or after stopping chantix. if you notice any of these, stop taking chantix and call your doctor right away. tell your doctor about any history of depression or other mental health problems, which could get worse while taking chantix. don't take chantix if you've had a serious allergic or skin reaction to it. if you develop these, stop taking chantix and see your doctor right away as some can be life-threatening. tell your doctor if you have a history of heart or blood vessel problems, or if you develop new or worse symptoms. get medical help right away if you have symptoms of a heart attack or stroke. use caution when driving or operating machinery. common side effects include nausea, trouble sleeping and unusual dreams. it feels wonderful. i don't smoke. i don't smoke. [ male announcer ] ask your doctor if chantix is right for you. i don't smoke. rich, dark chocolate meets sweetened soft centersrkable tastes come together. flavored with exotic fruit juices. it's chocolate combined in ways you've never experienced before. discover brookside. [theme to icecastles, "through the eyes of love" plays] [music stops] ["lady marmalade" plays] captioning made possible by talk productions captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource oh, hi, dear. hey. ya hungry? nah, i'm good. debra made lunch. heh heh heh. heh heh heh. i'm hungry. come on. oh, a wonderful sense of humor. robbie, i'm gonna do a load of your socks and underpants. are you wearing today's underpants or yesterday's? they're fine, ma. no, no. let me see. no, no, no. no, no, no, no! no. come on! robert! you know the most important pants a person has? underpants. i know, ma. you remember when you ran out of underpants that time? it was the fifth grade, ma. and you had to wear a pair of raymond's underpants to school? ew! you never told me that. i'm checking your dresser. hey, ray, you hear my imitation of robert's tushy cushion? "how about a salad, fatso?" a salad. oh, man. talking tushy cushion. that's clever. yeah. you should hear his new bit about the toilet seat talking to me. how do you do it? how do you live with them? if i were you, i'd be wiping off my fingerprints and rehearsing my 911 call. you get used to 'em, you know? it's like an impacted wisdom tooth. without the wisdom. my tv guide is missing. i left it on the sofa armrest, and now it's not on the sofa armrest. where is my tv guide? ma had it last. marie, tv guide! yeah, heh heh. got to have a little fun, right? you and me watchingh? the ball game. oh, yeah. yeah, this is nice. you know, there's another game next week. shut up. it's back on. hey! listen, is robert

ha-ha-ha. >> reporter: not the first person who said that. >> these are spikes i hung from a straitjacket, burning ropes. >> reporter: true if you build a set what do you do with it? you want to keep it. >> mostly. i keep everything. >> reporter: keep everything. a hoarder. >> a little bit? >> magic hoarder, >> yes, celebrity hoarder. me getting into a safe. and the safe. >> reporter: i remember that. the largest houdini collection outside of library of congress. we did escape things houdini inspired. his legacy doesn't need my help. >> reporter: the famous saw. and this. the room that really freaked me out. is this creepy at all to you? have to admit it is a little creepy? >> a lot of people are creeped out. people really love it too. >> reporter: the man who has to disappear any time soon. when do you finally say, okay. my last show. >> never. never. >> really? >> they'll carry me out on a gurney. >> we won't know if it's a trick or not. >> i may not have left. you know. >> reporter: fresh off his latest trick, blaine was back at it again today, diving in fish tanks and playing with fire. >> i'm working on a specific new project and i don't want to talk about it and jinx it. >> reporter: here is hoping he survives his next new project. for "nightline." i'm cecelia vega in vegas. >> did you have to sign the secrecy agreement. we want to know how the stuff works. thank you for the report. >> next, george zimmerman released on bond yet again today. how can he still be getting in trouble? we are bringing jfk's final hours to life like you have never seen. >> abc news "nightline," brought to you by macy's. hours to life like you have never seen. >> he is reaching across the fence, shaking hands. >> announcer: abc news, "nightline," brought to you

- ha ha ha!a class of seniors averaging in age from 85 to 92, some of the most amazing people i have ever met in my entire life, every one of them. use those legs. 1, 2, 3, up!

ha ha ha. my name is me up iraq as a kid growing up in the projects of new orleans i saw shootings like this all the time and eventually committed acts of violence myself at the serving five years in jail i began to help kids to mentor but this story isn't about me this is a story about the environment in which i grew up. a wild night across metro new orleans someone sprays a crowd with bullets as they were leaving a high school basketball game five people i thought good evening and all nine people were shot tonight including an eleven year old in five separate shootings in new orleans and jefferson parish has a nine year old boys are covering tonight after another drive by shooting in new orleans east it's much like the one where the two year old girl was shot and killed several kids round side playing in the middle of the afternoon when the gunfire broke out a shooting happened just after seven i want to see was called in the last fire. it's a way that is a record it was the target shooting. this is a story about what it's like being young and surrounded by family but it's also a story about finding solutions up much murder you tolerate as unable. to tolerate as an adult to watch the children have to see this day after day not be entertained. in one nine hundred sixty new orleans had his largest population and as small as murder rate but in the course of fifty years over ten thousand people have been murdered and since two thousand and five more people have been killed than those who lost their lives when the levees broke. at this moment there was a battle being waged each and every day o

ha ha ha moment in a late night talk show. >> yes. craig: well, you were wrong. [angels singing] craig: whomsoever takes this cup from inside this not a real horse shall be my queen. >> thank you. [angels singing] craig: good night, everybody.,,, ♪ [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. it means trying something new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of what's to come. [ man ] just kidding. ♪ can you please stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and it's cement and broken glass. and this is just like... the opposite of that. ♪ the opposite of that. when ouwe got a subaru.s born, it's where she said her first word. (little girl) no! saw her first day of school. (little girl) bye bye! made a best friend forever. the back seat of my subaru is where she grew up. what? (announcer) the subaru forester. (girl) what? (announcer) motor trend's two thousand fourteen sport utility of the year. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. knock down trees and power lines.. causing major probl >>> a wild night across the bay area. fierce winds knocked down power lines. the strong winds have killed two people tonight. >> joe vazquez was at the scene of one of them tonight in the fruit bail section of oakland. >> we heard like a loud bang from the house. we came out and then saw their man show up. pretty much they told us to stay away from the area. >> reporter: according to witnesses, the branch fell from way up there. you can see how it came right down in this yard. and now it is parallel to the yard and fell right on top of a man who was sitting on his motorcycle. >> pretty scary. >> also on skyline boulevard tonight, a driver killed by a fallen tree as police are still investigating exactly what happened there. >>> we are also keeping an eye on this vegetation fire that's going on in napa county burning off the vista drive and soda canyon road. people are being told to stay in their homes. cal fire, napa county fire, both at the scene. jeweler the wind hasg problem tonight -- julie, the wind has been a big problem tonight, hasn't it? >> yes. upwards of 23 miles an hour. certainly not good news for the fire. high winds, the wind advisory in effect through tomorrow morning. northeast winds are gusting up to 35 miles per hour. in fact, pg&e reporting 67,000 outages right now. when i was in between -- when i was home between shows, it will concern you as we can see the rain, saturated soil and power lines. time out, it'll be here for you in just a bit. how long it will stick around and what question we have in stored for you this weekend. >> 30 miles an hour gusts uprooted this tree on sixth street now blocking the entire road. >>> a mom and dad walked into their son's dorm room at san jose state and knew immediately something was wrong. now, betty, what did the parents see? >> reporter: liz, his parents told the son that they couldn't believe what the three white roommates had been doing to him. ska the bullying went on for months. and saw

ha-ha. >> jason, we talked, everything is good. >> ha-ha-ha. >> jimmy: that is good. theaters december 6th, please welcome casey affleck. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: what is going on? >> something is happening. my fly isn't closing. it's closed. >> jimmy: i mean, you are blessed, what are you going to do? >> get some tape. >> jimmy: i can't believe this is your first time on the show. we have spent, you know, i was going out with your brother for a while. >> yeah. and then you brock up. and now we stayed friend. >> jimmy: we stayed in touch. what was it last time i saw you. i saw you at a charity event. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: which we had fun. and a lot of stuff is for sale, you left in the middle of the auction. >> jimmy: that's not true. what i look to do. instead of getting, i just give. i bid on nothing. throw money at the charities. i get nothing in return. whilt d what did you bid on? >> lot of stuff. lot of stuff. i got some stuff. >> jimmy: i saw you at the despicable matt damon's wedding. >> you were officiating, did the ceremony. >> renewal of the vow

has a dirty [ bleep ]. ha-ha. >> what in the [ bleep ] is up with amy pohler's face? bitch looks like she survived a nuclear blast. >> great acting, dennis quaid. you old, irrelevant pig. >> aaron paul has this movie is going to suck. >> hank from "breaking bad" is just a fat bruce willis. >> mcloven sucks on chode. >> i am sick of seeing your [ bleep ] face on tv, you are not the center of the universe [ bleep ]. >> look at me i am julia louis dryfess, i was on seinfeld, the show about people eating pickles and [ bleep ], you -- >> larry david, exclamation point, shut the [ bleep ] up! you shut the [ bleep ] up! >> jimmy: people are the worst. we have a good show tonight -- chris pratt is here. we have music from pusha t with pharrell williams, and we'll be right back with tracy morgan. so stick around! crafted with a touch of tequila, wine, and whiskey, by our highly skilled show-offs -- i mean chefs. are you really going to do this every time? new marsala mushroom sirloin and chicken & shrimp tequila tango. starting at $9.99. two new reasons to see you tomorrow. ♪ black friday deals up in the store. ♪ ♪ getting presents and so much more. ♪ ♪ that's my holiday, ♪ that's my kind of hol

ha-ha-ha. >> very cool little scene there on the streets of berlin. thank you for watching abc news. and "world news now" coming up with your overnight breaking news. tune in to "good morning america" first thing in the morning. as always online, meantime, abcnews.com. i'm dan harris. thank you for joining us. and good night. we lowhat's next?hen! great! do you have measurements? yeah, i paced it off. it's about twenty by twelve of these. so, we can measure, plan and install it for you. yea, let's do that! ikea. professional kitchen services at a low price. when ourwe goword. she said hert (little girl) no! saw her first day of school. (little girl) bye bye! made a best friend forever. the back seat of my subaru is where she grew what? (announcer) the subaru forester. (girl) what? (announcer) motor trend's two thousand fourteen sport utility of the year. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. we love this kitchen! what's next? great! do you have measurements? yeah, i paced it off. it's about twenty by twelve of these. so, we can measure, plan and install it for you. yea, let's do that! ikea. professional kitchen services at a low price. >>> big night for the bay area's new ask -- new casino. long lines to get in and to get there. what does the opening mean for local businesses? i'm dan ashley. >> i'm carolyn johnson. nick smith is live in roanoke park outside the resort and casino. nick? >> absolutely. what thousands headed here to try their luck, traffic backed up for miles. looking to cash in not only the casino, but small business owners hoping the flood of people will boost their bottom line. >> i was president a -- i wasn't a fan at first, but hope it will bring us more business. >> she hasd reason to believe it may. on this its opening day casino officials say more than 27,000 people have visited the gaming floors. >> it was capacity at 11:00. traffic was backed up to about 12:30, 1:00. >> traffic continues to be an issue. this long line stretches tbak -- back to the highway and has been this way most of the day. the cars are coming from all direction directions. >> they had traffic jams and no place to go. >> he says his convenience store will be the pitstop for visitors coming and going. we have seen people stop, shop and spend money. according to a casino spokesperson they are a win for the tribe and the community. $2.7 million has been donated to donated to donated to the public safety department and they are promising april additional -- an additional 12 million annually for the city and the county shouldcasino hite casino hit the revenue expectations. >> there will be a lot of opportunities for people here who didn't have jobs. >> the saying goes the house always

ha ha ha. my name is me of iraq as a kid growing up in the projects of new orleans i saw shootings like this all the time and eventually committed acts of violence myself at the serving five years in jail i began to help kids to mentor but this story isn't about me this is a story about the environment in which i grew up. a wild night across metro new orleans someone sprays a crowd with bullets as they were leaving a high school basketball game five people i thought good evening and all nine people were shot tonight including an eleven year old in five separate shootings in new orleans and jefferson parish has a nine year old boys are covering tonight after another drive by shooting in new orleans east it's much like the one where the two year old girl was shot and killed several kids around side playing in the middle of the afternoon when the gunfire broke out a shooting happened just after seven i learned all of that was called an exhaust fire. that is a record it was the target that shooting. this is a story about what it's like being young and surrounded by father but it's also a story about finding solutions up much murder you tolerate as unable. to tolerate as an adult to watch the children have to see this day after day not be entertained. in one nine hundred sixty new orleans had his largest population and his smallest murder rate but in the course of fifty years over ten thousand people have been murdered and since two thousand and five more people have been killed than those who lost their lives when the levees broke. at this moment there is a battle being waged each and every day

ha ha ha. - you know what, dad? maybe you should buy me a suit. i mean, i'm gonna need one, right, if i'm ever gonna get a "real" job and move "my lazy ass" out of your "g.d. house." - he's got ya there. that's italian silk. very comfortable. very tasteful... although expensive. - yeah, you don't want italian. you'll look like a mafia don. next thing you know, you'll be doing life in rikers island. - well, that's better than looking like the undertaker om bing island. - that place doesn't exist. it's not a documented island. cartograph much? - [whistles] - how do i look? - actually... you look great. they steered you right. i guess it does make sense buying from a father-son team. you know what? i'll take one too. - everyone, now that we have all this energy, why don't we move the copier into the annex like we've always wanted to? - whoo! - frickin' a! - so long, noise! - one, two, three! [rip] - oh! - and we have torn up the carpet. oh, we're gonna be in so much trouble! - wait! it's beautiful. hardwood. i always knew it was down here. i just never dreamed that i would actually see it. - tear up the carpet! - whoo! - kill their fish, and they still hire me. that's how you do that, baby. y'all ready for this? ♪ uh uh-uh-uh ♪ uh uh-uh-uh ♪ uh uh-uh-uh - ♪ everybody dance now - yeah! ♪ uh uh-uh-uh ♪ uh uh-uh-uh - kevin, move. i can't pull up the rug if you're standing on it with your rhinoceros feet. - well, i can't stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me. - oh, my head is killing me. does anyone have a baby aspirin? - oh, enough with the whining already. why don't you just have some more cfee? - it's all gone. i didn't get a chance to try them all because creed poured my bogota sunrise in the plant. - i saw the leaves twitch. - shut up. - you shut up! - everybody shut up and work. - we don't work for you. - yeah. - yeah. - hey. it's 5:00. [horns honking] - kevin, can-- - what is going on? [horns honking] - yes! we did it! - well, you opened the door. - and you closed it. the boys are back in town. high fives! haally specific cat turd business-- that was about you, right? - you got me! i used to collect 'em. - why? - each one is very different, like a snowflake. [monotone] she says, "switch to progressive and you could save hundreds." call or click today. [annobut it gets down right comploverwhelming is. when you multiply it by the business of life. all those bills, budgets, accounts and taxes. it's a complex problem, but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make tools to help you simplify it all, so you can focus on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ - you left me

has a dirty [ bleep ]. ha-ha. >> what in the [ bleep ] is up with amy pohler's face? bitch looks like she survived a nuclear blast. >> great acting, dennis quaid. you old, irrelevant pig. >> aaron paul hasu are going with. god this movie is going to suck. >> hank from "breaking bad" is just a fat bruce willis. >> mcloven sucks on >> i am sick of seeing your [ bleep ] face on tv, you are not the center of the universe [ bleep ]. >> look at me i am julia louis dryfess, i was on seinfeld, the show about people eating pickles and [ bleep ], you -- >> larry david, exclamation point, shut the [ bleep ] up! you shut the [ bleep ] up! >> jimmy: people are the worst. we have a good show tonight -- chris pratt is here. we have music from pusha t with pharrell williams, and we'll be right back with tracy morgan. s soo -- so stick around! ♪ my, oh my. would you look at that? girl, we could make some beautiful music together! she's slender, she's portable, and silver! wha? oh no she didn't. she just took her top off? you're a laptop and a tablet? oh wee! what more can a man ask for? the hp split x2 ultrabook with beats audio and an intel core processor. plan the honeymoon! introducing the dollar men

[chica squeaking] - oh, ha-ha-ha!

ha, ha, ha ugly people. >> i am very beautiful. the thing is i'm broke. you really don't want me at your fancy peresian restaurant because i am eating bread and drinking wine. people who have the most money are the ugliest people. that's how karma just works itself out. if you want your restaurant to take a seed you may have to let the chance to. >> you say men with stats. we are living in a culture where the last group of people you candice crime nate against are ugly people and that is wrong. >> i have talked about this for years. if halle berry walked into a kkk leaders' bedroom and said i want to have sex with you,, but i didn't want to say that in president president front of her. if she said i want to sleep with you all the racism would go out window. >> out the window. >> bonus, she is shingle. >> i have a feeling she would push him out the window. i am itching. i think we have bugs. "the joy of hate" is the greatest book ever written. amazon.com. now everybody is itching. see i fish you with itching. >> autographed copy g gutfeld.com. >>> she is back on her back. jenna jamison retired and is planning a return. isn't that nice? the star pleef -- previously said she would, quote, never, of spread my legs in this industry, ever. i think they said that at denny's. she recently lost her home to foreclosure and is in court fighting tito ortiz for custody of their kids. here is jenna when tmz caught up with her. >> what is your motivation? i know you are doing the webcam thing. >> my moat vision is taking -- my motivation is taking care of my family and having fun and meeting all of my fans. >> that's good. >> awesome. >> thank you so much. good night. >> she is delightful. you worked with her in the 80s . do you think she is past her prime? >> my porn name is linc manchester. this is the star athlete that comes back from retire meant. brett favre is coming back and yes! then he comes out on the field and it is oh, dude, you lost your skills. you should have stayed on the couch. that's what people will say. >> there are people out there that still have a fan base and who knows? >> you work with her under the name clive the cat muffin. >> the fact she hassomeone else's face now is a problem and sad. the sad part of the story is not that she is going back because she wants to, but she has to. it is a lesson to the young porn actresses. invest wisely. maybe money markets and diversify is the tweet. >> of course it would be him to come wupt money angle. we do vaw lot of adult actresses who watch the show. if he is not free to help you with the finances i am often available. stacy what could have happened to the money she made with porn? >> she had bad brand management. it is sad. >> it is a sad thing. it is sad for america when you can't make it in porn, joanne. >> no, it is. joy. >> i was not saying it that way of the andy is reading it that way and don't do porn without first letting us know. >> make sure to brand properly. >> i would change your name. it is like there is no way anything is happening. >> have i heard this before, people. >> it is sad though she says it is for her kids. >> i don't have children. i don't know if you know

ha-ha-ha. thank you, malia. thank you for that sarcastic courtesy laugh. i know y and now you are going to guantanamo bay. there are a lot of wild turkeys in the united states. in the 19 third there were 30,000 left in the country. they bounced back in a big way. now more than 7 million wild turkeys. not just on farms and stuff. flocks of wild turkeys living in regular neighborhoods. wild turkeys wandering around new york city. and most credit their population res resurgence to this. first there was grindr, then tinder, now gobblr. the dating app for turkeys. wade through hundreds of single turkeys in your area. perfect for meet-ups and hook-ups. gobblr, soon up today. time's a-basting. gobble-gobble. [ cheers and applause ] today is the busiest travel day of year. a lot of plans are ruined because of a big storm on the east coast. parts of pennsylvania and new york got a foot and a half of snow today. there is even a tornado in florida, almost 600 flights have been canceled. almost 7,000 flights have been delayed. which is terrible news for travelers and great news for cinnabon. also could be bad news for the annual macy's thanksgiving day parade tomorrow morning. the threat of high wind could force them to ground their famous giant character balloons. there is talk they may have to hold the parade inside macy's this year. and did they know they could play the parade from last year, no one would ever have any idea. for safety reasons though -- the organizers of the parade, won't allow ba llloons to fly if wind are above 23 miles an hour. if wind get fast enough they're capable of dragging people on a magical floog a magical flying adventure. it is not a macy's day parade without spiderman, sponge bob, new jersey governor chris christie. by the way, no one is praying harder for wind right now than matt lauer. at this point how sick is he of the parade? how sick is he of getting up at 3:00 in the morning on a holiday and saying "oh, look there is bullwinkle." do kids know who it is? time to put a pin in bullwinkle. he is not real. don't worry. time for black friday. charge your tasers. make sure you have pepper spray. a lot of weird things, unsavory things. violence is one of them. i am most interested in the people who camp outside stores, for some times weeks, to get in on these deals. on monday night. a loine of people camping out a best buy. >> we have one, two, three tents. just in the corner, you can see, just a man there. in the sleeping bag. we are hoping there will be a way, i am sure they will wake up shortly. keeping our distance. we are sure they are very tired. >> jimmy: and/or dead. i hope best buy is running a sale on socks. and last night talked to people waiting in line there. and this happened. >> you could say black friday started to day, at least on line. making you wonder just how much longer people like this guy and this chair at this best buy will have off to wait in line to get the best deal. >> jimmy: i have unsettling news for you, george. there is no one in that chair. you're talking to a fannypack. i want to wish a happy chanukah to all of our jewish viewers, chanukah, of course, the jewish holiday. ba this is a special time of the year, kids around the world are reminded dreidels are boring, right, guillermo. >> guillermo: right, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo is jewish. something i hope i don't run into, doing my shopping, bess davis got a bit of a surprise at wal-mart. a disturbing experience. but she was kind enough to capture some of it on video for all of us to enjoy. >> it remind us, we can use a few items inside the wal-mart. before shopping she goes to the bathroom and found way more than she bargained for. >> you were masturbating in the women any restroom. i name is beth davis, i witnessed it. you were naked. had your pants down around your ankles. someone stop him. do not let him go out that that door. stop this man! stop that man! >> who gets up at 8:30 in the morning and decide they're going to go to wal-mart and take off all their clothes and masturbate? pretty sick. >> jimmy: i mean, noon, maybe, but 8:30. i was going to say -- the early bird gets the worm. men do weird things in public places. this is happening in main central library, downtown los angeles where the bathrooms are being used for more than reading. >> 14 sting operations all arrests all for lewd conduct. all male to male activity. the majority of it in the basement bathrooms. >> i had to tell the lady at the first desk. >> in the bathroom. [ indiscernible ] >> reporter: is that what off the hook means? i been using it wrong. maybe he hasifferent point of view. >> jimmy: we all know a big part of thanksgiving is sitting down for a meal with people you might not necessary like. for obvious reasons you can't say anything about it. so today, to have catharsis, i sent cousin sal on hollywood boulevard to let people vent by telling us who the worst person at their thanksgiving table is going to be this year and why. to protect anonymity, we let them do it behind the safety of a mask. here you go. happy thanksgiving, everybody. >> you are wearing a mask. nobody will tell who you are. all right. answer honestly, who is the worst person at thanksgiving dinner tomorrow? >> probably my cousin nonie. my gosh, she talks too much. her breath stinks. like, oh. >> who is the worst person at your thanksgiving table tomorrow? >> my father's new wife sarah. >> what's wring with sarah? >> what isn't wrong with sarah. >> tell us something? >> she has a lot of money. really nice house in florida. she can't stop talking about. knob h nobody

ha-ha-ha, no. >> have you ever smoked crack? >> a long time ago. >> now, not so good. >> jimmy: the grinch who smoked christmas right there. men like rob ford do not come around very often. when they do, i believe it is important that we immortalize them for future generations to enjoy. tonight i have asked the superstar of music to pay tribute to the mayor. he graciously agreed to do just that. here with a ballad of rob ford, chris daughtry. ♪ ♪ here's a little tune about a mayor named ford citizens of hog town surely adored he said i will do whatever i want to because i'm the drunk driving crack smoking mayor of toronto ♪ ♪ well one day rob ford took a good look around said government red tape is destrog oying our t i'll run for mayor, get to back on track soon as i get drunk and smoke crack hulk bulked up some one did him wrong lone ranger had tonto, but i'm the drunk driving crack smoking mayor of toronto ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well one dark day a man came to town went up to mayor ford and said with a frown i know what you done and i got it on video ♪ ♪ you crack smoking drunk driving mayor of toronto ♪ and the councilman said, rob we got to cut you loose on account of your drunk driving and substance abuse ♪ ♪ the people of dog town said wait a men uinute maybe he did drive drunk and smoke crack maybe he did fraternize with drug dealers and prostitute maybe he did appear on video to threat tine tear some one's eyeballs out maybe he did offer to score for a constituent maybe he did freak out go in his house and go ballistic on a 911 operator after a woman from a come deprogram showed up in his driveway dressed up as xena the warrior princess ♪ ♪ hey nobody is perfect, that's a fact ♪ ♪ if you think you will take our mayor away you must be on crack ♪ ♪ the hulk bulked up when some one did him wrong sky walker had the force and the pilgrims had it because i'm the drunk driving crack smoking mayor of toronto ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, chris, chris daughtry, everyone. [ indiscernible ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back. honestly, i'm not looking for five-star treatment. i get times are tight. but it's hard to get any work done like this. then came this baby -- small but with windows and office. it runs my work stuff. ...and i can use apps like flipboard for news, or xbox video to watch the shows i'm never home to see... and i can still get work done at the same time. excuse me, do you mind if i... yep. ♪ honestly, i wanna see you be brave ♪ ♪ at our thanksgiving we're gonna make our turkey fly ♪ ♪ that's my kind of holiday. combinations of your favorite seafood from lobster to crab, shrimp and mussels in a savory broth. try one today, and sea food differently. now get ten dollars off any two seafood bakes, crab or lobster entrees. the #1 selling pain reliever, in one cold medicine. advil congestion relief. it delivers a one-two punch at pain and sinus pressure with the power of advil and a nasal decongestant in a single pill. advil congestion relief. that's why there's new duracell quantum. only duracell quantum hasre power, more performance than the next leading brand. new duracell quantum. trusted everywhere. ♪ music plays ♪ with my redcard, i bring them all to life. ♪ ♪ that's my kind of holiday. save big all season with price match plus 5% off and free shipping with your redcard. >> jimmy: one thing you may not have known about me. i love to cook i've lo. i love to eat. there is a story about mario, a great chef, hosts a talk show called "the chew" somebody told me a story about him. coming home from work. 2:00 in the morning. got in the elevator in new york ran into people on the elevator having a party. they asked him want to come to the party. he said, all right. went to the apartment. he joined the party. at some pin the they asked, he asked. not sure they've were hungry. of course they said yes. he went in the fridge. in their cabinets. he found whatever he could find. and he cooked a full meal for a bunch of strangers in the middle of the night. which i thought, i love that story. and i

it has, mexico, unlike many countries, has shortened the divide between rich and poor. >> yeah. >> rose: how did you do it. >> you talk about the gap, you're comparing one that has a lot to one that has less. i don't think the issue is the gap. i would say that's the politics of envy. i would say that the issue is how low is this guy at the bottom and what do we do to bring him up. it's easy to close the gap. do away with the rich people. >> rose: or make the poor richer. >> that's a big difference. that's what i'm advocating. let's make the poor richer. >> rose: how would you do it. >> it's not the divide the absolute low level of income. because there's no way that people are different. and they're going to have differ outcomes over their lives. even if you made everybody the same at one point in time. in one year there's going to be huge gaps again. etcetera the way it works. what we want to look for is for equal opportunity. not for equal outcomes. so -- >> rose: that issues from the united states too we want equal opportunities not equal outcomes. >> here we're talking about the 1% and the .1% and how offensive that is. because that's envy. >> rose: you're saying when envy is pa

ha ha ha! hey, welcome to "family feud," everybody. i'm your man steve harvey.e got another good one for you today. returning for their second day from indianapolis, indiana, it's the rust family. [cheering and applause] and from sugar land, texas, it's the owens family. [cheering and applause] everybody is here trying to win theirself a lot of cash and a shot at a stylish, brand-new ford fusion, everybody. yeah. that's what they're playing for. let's play "feud." give me monique. give me tosha. let's go.

ha-ha-ha, no. >> have you ever smoked crack? >> a long time ago. >> the grinch who smoked christmas right there. men like rob ford don't come along very often. when they do, i feel it's important that we immortalize them for future generations. tonight i asked the superstar of music to pay tribute to the mayor and he graciously agreed to do just that. here now with the ballad of rob ford, chris daugtry. ♪ ♪ ♪ one day rob ford took a good look around and said government red tape is destrog our town i'll run for mayor and get to back on the track as soon as i get drunk and smoke a pipe full of crack because papa had spinach to make him strong the hulk bulked up batman had robin lone ranger had tonto ♪ ♪ i'm the drunk, crack smoking mayor of toronto ♪ ♪ i know what you done and i got it on video you crack smoking drunk driving mayor of toronto ♪ ♪ and the councilman said rob i've got cut you loose on the count of drunk driving and substance abuse the people of dog town said wait a minute maybe he did drive drunk and smoke crack maybe he did fraternize with drug dealers and prostitutes maybe he did appear on videotape threatening to tear someone's eyeballs out maybe he did wans offer to score oxycontin for a constituent end maybe he did once freak out and run into his house and go ballistic on a 911 operator after a woman from a comedy program showed up in his driveway dressed up as xena warrior princess, hey, nobody is perfect. and that's a fact ♪ ♪ if you think you are going to take our mayor away you must be on crack papa had spinach to make him strong the hulk bulked up when somebody did him wrong skywalker had the force and the pilgrims had squaw because i'm the crack smoking mayor of toronto ♪ >> jimmy: chris daugtry. when we come back we will have something fun. [ indiscernible ] >> larry king and daughtry, we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] it's back! and applebee's spirited cuisine hases: chicken & shrimp tequila tango and marsala mushroom sirloin. crafted with a touch of tequila, wine, and whiskey by our highly skilled show-offs -- i mean... [ clears throat ] chefs. ok, so cooking down the alcohol releases deep, rich flavor and apparently your inhibitions. hmm, impressive! but are you really going to do this every time we have new dishes? applebee's spirited cuisine menu. now with two new entrees starting at $9.99. two new reasons we'll see you tomorrow. and late night for half priced apps. my boyfriend has a lot of can't-miss moments. i checked out the windows phones and saw the lumia 1020 has 41 megapixels. so i can zoom way in even after i take the picture. and i can adjust the shot before i take it so i get it exactly how i want. so, i went with a windows phone. maybe i just see things other people don't. ♪ honestly ♪ i wanna see you be brave ♪ [ coughs ] ♪ [ male announcer ] you can't let a cold keep you up tonight. vicks nyquil -- powerful nighttime 6-symptom