ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! you see, maude. ha ha ha ha ha! you see how witty she's become! go out and keep uncle henry company. ginger snap would like to talk to vanilla wafer. ginger snap. vanilla wafer. that's funny! ha ha ha ha! who's pushing? tsk. so, you're maude. maude, maude, maude. listen, maude, i can see you're in a little bit a shock. and i'm sorry i couldn't tell walter who the lucky man was. but your uncle henry wanted to tell him the surprise himself. ( laughs ) and you know, it is kinda funny. ( cackling ) ( laughing ) who would've known? la )no, no, no... ( catches breath ) i--i mean, walt-- walter's first wife marrying his second wife's uncle. ( cackling ) ( fumbling for words ) ( catches breath) well, thereby making the second wife his first wife's niece. ( cackling ) that's a riot, marta. - oh, that's a riot, maude. well, come on, maude, let's face it. let's be honest, you go first. all right-- oh, never mind. i'll go first. is the answer to one little question. hmm? all i'm interested in is hisappiness. of course! marta, do you mean that? for love! oh. ma

ha ha ha ha! how's this? ha ha ha ha! whoo-ha ha ha ha! go ahead, lay one on me. because that's what you always wanted, isn't it? [laughs] come on. come on. [laughing] come on. come on. all right, let's try that one again. come on. barrows: aah! aah! go! any excuse, jim, baby. run away! run away! aah! run away! [screams] what? what? yeoman barrows. [barrows whimpers and cries] what happened? i was following the tracks, and there he was who was? him. [sobs] barrows, give me your report. he-- he had a cloak, sir, and--and a dagger with jewels on it. are you sure you're not imagining all this? captain, i know it sounds incredible, but i did not imagine it any more than i imagined he did this. sounds like don juan. yes. yes. it was-- it was so... sort of storybook walking around here, and i was thinking, "all a girl needs is... don juan." just daydreaming the way you would he ran after him. stay with her, doctor. mr. sulu! sulu! mr. sulu? sulu! ruth? jim, darling, it is me. captain's log. stardate 3025.8. investigation of this increasingly unusual planet continues, and

jim ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! hey, jim... can't you see me? ha ha ha! come and get me! ha ha! ha ha ha! here i am! you're blind! you never could find your head with both hands! remember? ha ha ha ha! hey, jim... get up. get up. get up! always fight fair, don't you? you officer and gentleman, you. you're a stupid underclassman. i've got the edge. i'm still 20 years old. look at you. heh. [screams] aah... i--i can't move me leg. i can't feel me leg. my back is broken. you've broken me back. feel that? can you feel that, now? sleep sweet, jimmy boy. sleep as long as you like. sleep forever, jim baby. forever and forever. you never could take me, you know. finnegan... one thing. sure. name it. answers. not bad. a lot of things. what's been happening to my people? i never answer questions from plebes, jimmy boy. i'm not a plebe. this is today, 15 years later. did you enjoy it, captain? yes, i enjoyed it. after all these years... i did enjoy it. the one thing i wanted to do after all these years was beat the tar out of finnegan. which supports a theory i've been formulating. that we'

ha ha ha! you get it? you tackle anybody. ha ha ha! oh, what a sense of humor. ha ha ha. ahh, short hair and all, those guys were funny. well, now for the main course. now, i call this salad a la grady. that is marvelous. you know, i've been eating only salads lately. you probably noticed-- i've gotten a little lighter. yeah. if you get any lighter, understand, you'll be transparent. say, grady, that looks fantastic. hey, what all's in here? well, i got some cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, hog head cheese, and a little wild parsley. uh, i don't-- i don't think you guys will be wanting to eat nothin' with wild parsley in it. anything wrong with the salad? wrong?! hey, mmm... that is delicious. in most states, it is. uh, uh, grady, can i see you for a minute in the kitchen? well, not now. can't you see i'm busy? now, you wouldn't disturb a master chef in his moment of glory, would you? no, but see, i-- you wouldn't disturb george washington carver when he was planting the peanut. no, but i-- you wouldn't disturb hank aaron when he was standing up at the plate. no, grady, but--

milt: ha ha ha ha! "i'm drowning." i never heard that one. ha ha ha ha ha! mind, i think we found milt's achilles' heel. rammed him to laugh. he's got a flaw! tell some more jokes. it's so nice to be back here once again. what do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards? a receding hare-line! [hairline] ha ha ha ha ha! how many venusians does it take to screw in a light bulb? none! they don't have arms! ha ha ha ha ha! no more. you're killing me. i'm overloading. what happens to it? it opens on impact! i'm gonna wet my circuit! keep going! this guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, "i have this inferiority complex." the psychiatrist says, "get under the couch." ha ha ha ha ha! i got one, daddy. what's green and red and goes 200 miles an hour? i don't know. what? a frog in a blender. ha ha ha ha ha! i got one! [ croaking ] what do you get when you cross a parrot and a gorilla? okay, you ready? uh, um, you get a gorilla with feathers. oooh! no, no -- "polly kong." ooh! that was such a good joke! whatever it is, if it wants a cracker, you better

ha. that ought to scare the termites out of the house. ha ha ha ha ha. ( doorbell rings ) co i'm coming. well, where have you been? jeez, lady, i had to deliver five tuxedos. a bunch of nutty dames are dragging their poor husbands to some stupid thing for n'. ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha. give me the dress! all the buttons are missing! ink i'm gonna give you 2.50 for this? then, all your buttons are missing! carol, it is ruid, ruined-- mother, calm dn, calm down! it's not rnemot. maude, i can put new buttons on that in a minute. i--i thinkhelp. listen, maude, just rax. eve isng's gonna be fine. besides, maude, don't rrif you'. that of a wan? that i would expect from you, arthur harmon. ( phone rings ) thank waltavenar, n who eats women like human beings. ( rings ) i know, e. i know, grace. , gri knowe. i know, grace. you and e yourperiority. yore as bad as grace's h chundy-- and leaves her with a will thbsoluty ties her hand and foo e's permission? she can't do anything wiout ustes permission. oh, come on, maudie, what chubbyerts d for his wife was pe

ha ha ha ha ha! i really don't think so, tom. reading from the papers, we know that apparently you are an alien, but you married him -- why? two billion guys on this planet -- you couldn't find one you liked, for god's sakes? no, uh, it's not like that at all. it's just that mork is very special and loving, and he doesn't know the meaning of the word "deceit." remarkable. remarkable. i understand you have a son, and his name is steef? mearth. mearth. good work, research. that's an excellent time to bring out young mearth. will you please welcome to the stage right now mr. mearth mcconnell? holy -- mork, you're gonna have yourself a 6-footer here. hi, mr. tom. neat. ? tell me 'bout the stars, and you'll see -- ? sit down. sit down. aw, so, big fella, you -- you age backwards -- is that it? you're really old, but you're really quite young. so when someone says, "you look good for your age," you have no idea what the heck they're talking about, because i certainly don't. ha ha ha ha ha. what's the matter with him, daddy? i don't know

ha ha ha! he's walking! oh, i love it! i love it. ha ha ha ha! yeah, you know, you kill me. now explain to me why there's no dancing. oh, oh, that's very simple. uh, tell him, fred. well, see, the dancing zany, he's at the rehearsal hall-- bowlegs: and he'll be here tonight. yeah, i swear. he'll be here tonight, or else my name is not fred zanyford. wait, wait. look here. look here. watch this here again. look. yeah, he's walking! [laughing] fred, i know lamont ain't gonna want to do this. i know he ain't gonna want to do it. well, listen. i don't have to ask him what i want him to do. i'm gonna tell him what i want him to do. he is the dancing zany. [al groans] hey, he's sounding much better. think i'll go up and see how he's doing. [al groans louder] now, listen, lamont. i'm telling you i want you to do something. listen, lamont. would you do something for me? lamont, do me a favor, son. please? listen, i got something to tell you. now, when i'm talking to you... pfft! pfft! pfft! i want you to listen to me when i'm talking to you. when i tell you, this is what you do. that

ha ha, mrs. flicker, all right, there. look here, thelma. you better not turn that down. we need that money. ha ha ha ha! look here, mrs. flicker, make any changes you want. just go ahead and juxtaposition, change pages, do whatever is necessary. ha ha ha ha! [ laughs ] um, well, what are the changes? well, now, mr. nicholson wondered if you would mind changing the name of your heroine from pauline to something else. but, uh, what's the matter with "pauline"? at's the name of mr. nicholson's ex-wife. it was a very messy divorce. how about changing it to "boom boom"? mr. nicholson suggests "yvonne." that's the name of his present, uh, friend. uh, "yvonne" is fine with us, just fine, right on. [ laughs ] yes, yvonne is very a nice name. we'll change pauline to yvonne. all right, now there's one other tiny thing here on page 60. now, mr. nicholson feels that it would be better if you referred to her as a "dance hall girl." she is what she is. well, mr. nicholson doesn't want to offend the audience. besides, there was some question about his ex-wife, pauline. well, okay, she can become a dance hall girl. that's nice, too. oh

[ squawking ] ha ha ha ha! oh! oh! looks like we're not gonna hit our target weight after all. kalnik: [ squawking ] ha ha ha! all right, now... what has 4 legs and 10 seconds to live? why do you want to kill us? because you're the only ones that can throw a monkey wrench into my plans! i have to kill all three of you and then get back for my haircut by 4:00. no, not mearth! he's just a child! well... nah, i'm gonna kill him. you're insane! i'm just a product of your sick society. when i came to earth, all i wanted to do was open a little restaurant, but i had so much trouble getting a liquor license i decided it would be easier to take over the planet instead. i'm glad you shared this moment with us. it probably makes you feel better about blowing us away. yes, it does. oh, really? if only you had 1/10 of my power and brilliance instead of the ambition of a substitute teacher! i infiltrated your government. i took an ineffective arm of a consumer protection agency and turned them into my own personal army. i told them that you were the aliens catchy twist, isn't it? thank you.

ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! [ sighs ] well...they're gone, mind. that didn't hang on as long as the peevee clones. i thought they'd take the hint when we put on our nightgowns. i thought they'd take the hint when we told them to get out, especially after they referred to me as your "creature." well... i guess we're alone now. i guess so. [ chuckles ] [ giggles ] t way. on our honeymoon night. yep. sure is dark. sure is. well, it's our wedding night. i better not put this off any longer, huh? i guess not. ? bette davis eyes ? 'night, mind. what was that?! that's the ancient orkan honeymoon ritual. the honeymoon ritual is a little different on earth. what's different, mind? no mask? hardly. i told him he was crazy. that's one for dad. read this. now? please. cute pictures. just read, mork. mm-hmm. yep. whoa! ha ha! okay, all done. is there anything you don't understand? no... clear as a bell, mind. i'm just going to step in the bathroom for just a minute. mork! mork, are you all right? did that book upset you? no! not at all! really, mind! i'm just go

oh, ha ha ha ha. well, uh, no. i'm having moo-goo spaghetti, or whatever. well, you see, i'm, uh, pre-indisposed. oh, cara mia, you're beautiful when you're tongue-tied. is the pope polish? now that will be $5.29. oh, $5.29. thank you. boy, i remember when these things used to be -- i forget. ha ha ha ha! would you like to have that wrapped? oh, no, thanks. i'll play it here. where you going? to the museum. i've never been to the museum. oh, come along, sweet pea. we can't keep those statues waiting. this time of year, the fig leaves begin to fall. ? oh, we'd make a peach of a pair, oh ? [pear] ? i know you can't elope ? [cantaloupe] ? but, oh, honey, do ? [honeydew] [ laughs ] ah. why, i don't even know your name. oh, uh, bill c. hohner. how do you do, mr. hohner? my friends just call me marine man. [ laughs ] on the way, we'll stop by this wonderful delicatessen and pick up some munchettos. oh, wonderful. i'm starving. oh, not for us. for the pigeons! ha ha ha ha! uh, mindy, our little girl is growing up. yeah. soon she'll be leaving the nest. really, you

ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! minister: and now a few announcements. the christian pet lovers guild will meet tuesday, and the topic of discussion will be saint bernard-- our ladies' aid society is sponsoring a bake sale next weekend, with proceeds going toward paying the debts on our new social hall. and now, let us turn to page 123 of your hymnal... hymn number 421. ( organ music playing ) ( loud yawn ) ( organ music stops ) ( organ music resumes ) all: ? praise god from whom all blessings flow ...? i don't want to make a big thing out of this, but i have never but i have never been so embarrassed been so embarrassed ---in my entire life. will you stop repeating everything i say? i'm not repeating, walter, i'm one step ahead of you. "that is not funny, maude." that is not funny-- maude, cut it out. on who ever fell asleep in church. pillars of the community do it. presidents have done it. let's face it, i'm just not a church-goer. i prefer to stay at home and read the paper. newspapers are not printed to keep people out of church. come on, if god had

ha ha ha ha ha!

ha ha ha ha ha! well, looks like i won again, fellas. heh heh heh heh. lamont: yeah. look, why don't you fellas deal me out of the next one? you see, i have to run upstairs for a minute. don't go up there and stay too long because i think rollo want to go up there and flush his self to death. ha ha ha. very funny. that was good. hey, wait a minute. take that money with you. oh, i trust everybody. uh-uh. listen, it's better to be safe than sorry and broke. this has got to be the luckiest dude in the world, man. to $15. i lost 10 myself, man. yeah, me, too. 25 bucks i lost. julio: oh, man. sheez. hey, man, nobody's that lucky. i'm gonna go over there and get some more money and get back in the game. wait a minute, son. wait a minute, son. ain't no use. i might as well tell you. there's something i want to tell you about my friend al. hey, man, i knew it. cat's been cheating. fred: no. wait a minute. hey, man, wait a minute. well, bring him. wait a minute. and i invited him here tonight just to teach you guys that y'all wasn't so smart and everything with your hotshot gam

ha-ha-ha! ? oh! ha-ha-ha! ? don't anybody move. don't let them know we're afraid. hey man, cool it! can't you read that sign? ? this man is your leader, and he's dead if you don't throw down your guns! now, listen to me, you have a c cice! you can either go and leave these people alone that way can lead to death and maybe return to prison, you understand? now, fight or go! hallelujah! quick, pick up those guns! yeah, chigger. -thank you, thank you! -who are you? we're the followers of the prophet mcleod and we've come all the e y across the desert. what are you doing? those guys might come back! no, no, no, those men won't come back. they're convicts. they'll run till they hit the border. but if you people don't have guns, you'll be in trouble. who on earth are you people? where are you going? to the promised land. to the where? didn't the prophet tell you? aren't you the guide he went looking for? i'm sorry, miss, but i haven't the vaguest where we're going to build our homes. mr. mcleod, the prophet, he's leading us there. he's bought some land. aw, skip it, millie. the trouble is,

ha ha ha ha! that is not funny. come out of there. you broke my pearls and rolled them all down the stairs. not all. now, mork, you promised to be quiet. but i am being quiet! shh! no, you're -- no, you're not. yes, i am! yes, i am! yes, i am! so there. why don't you -- why don't you just play? can i play dress up? coming, dan. i don't care what you play, but just play quiet. yay! adult for a day. yay! mork, just play quiet. okay? okay? answer me. you said be quiet! shh! just play quiet. now, shh. shh. shh. shh. [ spits ] is everything fixed? well, no, but everything will be back to normal in about six minutes. [ metal clanging ] it sounds like you've got a plumber that's not too experienced. he isn't, but only the young ones will make house calls. here. i picked up your pearls. when we have kids, you can't leave those laying around. they'll put them in their mouths. i've heard. 10 kids? that's inconceivable. no, no. kids are great. they are so much fun, just a joy to have around. [ crash ] mork: [ crying ] the plumber is crying? oh, u

going-- ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha! she thinks something's going on. ( laughs ) ( laughs ) ( all laughing ) mother, i know you. now, what is it? nothing, darling! absolutely nothing. we've just had a--a very small, petty disagreement over a--a very minor thing. and vivian and walter are having an affair. maude!!! maude!!! oh, carol...carol, vivian and walter... in each other's arms! ( sobbing ) vivian and walter? just a little kiss! ( laughs ) ( laughing ) vivian and walter? ( chuckles ) all right, i appreciate your grief, carol, but knock it off! ( laughs ) i can't! ( laughing ) i can't help it! ( laughing ) ( laughing ) walter and vivian! kissing! ahh! ahh, that's hysterical! nk i once spent three whole days, looking for a marble in her potty seat. maude? maude, did you catch her reaction? that's the way this whole thing should be treated. laugh it off and forget it. yeah. intellectually, walter, i can do that. emotionally... emotionally, no way. if that's the way you think of me, maude. if that's the way you think of

ha ha ha ha! oh, maude! what a glorious day. you'll just never guess how arthur woke me up this morning. vivian, whatever he did, i don't want to hear about it. oh. ha ha ha! well, first, he kissed me. and then, and he whispered... ( panting ) "testing, one, two, three." a-ha ha ha! i see, the famous panasonic hi-fi stereo upchuck test. and then, he put the other end to his heart, and he said, "do you hear that beat, cutlet? that's the beat of love." ( high-pitched scream ) so then what happened? oh, then he said for me to pack a few things because he's got us a cabin at lake george for the weekend. ( snap ) just like that, out of the blue. isn't that marvelous? oh, it's marvelous, viv. so i was wondering if i could borrow your old mackinaw to take along? though i probably won't be needing it, of course, with arthur to keep me warm. oh! oh! oh, he just-- he just makes me tingly, tingly, tingle... when he ups and does something like this on the spur of the moment. although i guess it's just part of being newlyweds. oh, come on, vi

ha ha ha! ah, mr. caine. uh. come along, then. come along. ha ha ha! i'd like you to meet my mischievous, most dear wife, the lady chi c cng. she is of the royal court and niece to the emperororimself. and apologize to mr. caine asasou meet him, eh, my sweet? i wish to please you, my husband, but do not ask me to apologize to that murderer. man: he's just killed the royal nephew! get the guard! master: did you u ll him? yes, my master. you must leave the country. gage: the boy you kikied, the nephew to the emperor-- he was her brother. they were very close. i...am sorry. we may be barbarians in america, but we don't go around shooting one another...often. i am sorry, kwai chang... that i tried to shoot you... and missed. [gage sighs] i'm afraid t tt will have to do, eh, old fellow? it will do. now to business. ah, ah, ah, ah. no more of that. give it here. now you go there and sit down like a good little princess and behave yourself. so, kwai chang, you read the emperor's decree. i do not understand. he has sworn to see me die. aye... his newest bride--

ha ha ha! ha ha...ha ha! i'm as disappointed as you are, i'm sure, captain. the kid had energy, a kind of simian intelligence. cut it, mr. brown. cut what? do you know why i quit representing prostitutes? precisely because of corruption. i can't afford corruption. my practice is too successful. or do you mean that you can't afford a close connection to it, so you shunt the girls off to the public defender -- look, i can believe that some people in my office have made phone calls, taken envelopes. but surely they don't need my cooperation. you can wire my office if you want. martinez says you're the one. what? martinez says it's you. i think it's him. if you don't have grounds to hold me, people, i have a full afternoon in part 17. don't make any mistakes, mr. brown. ballantine: how about when you went out with that man? that was good! and who stood up for you? who said he was beautiful? i wanted to puke! ballantine, come on. ballantine, ballantine! you don't even know my first name! everybody calls me jack! only you think of me as john because all you've call

ha ha ha ha. and she's already started breakfast. what do you mean she cleaned up the room? why you jumping to conclusions that she cleaned up the room? oh, i'm terribly sorry. am i supposed to assume that you came down in the middle of the night and straightened it up, or am i supposed to assume that the living room fairies came by and did it? no, no. that would be too hard to swallow with this in your mouth. [speaking inaudibly] i cook in here as good as anybody else. oh, buenos d?as. yeah, bony knees to you. sit, please. i hope you like the meal. oh, we'll love it. no, no. no? mm-mmm. hey, pop, if you don't eat that, you're gonna insult carlotta. my doctor's got me on a strict diet. no garbage. would you stop it? listen, that stuff stinks. i didn't ask her to fix it, so don't expect me to eat it. hey, man, why don't you dig yourself? [knocking] hey! good morning, everybody. oh, no. another one. well, i don't know. i mean, carlotta's husband is moving here, so i figure we better get roberto signed up in school right away, you know? they might be here a long time. a long tim

imagine telling me, who has been married four times, that i'm going to be married a fifth time. ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ke that happening to me? yes. and to think i got you your first training bra. and then you broke training. your insurance company won't replace the full value of your totaled new car. the guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. no, i picked the wrong insurance company. with liberty mutual new car replacement?, about replacing your car because you'll get the full value back including depreciation. make the switch to liberty mutual and see why we've been awarded highest in customer satisfaction by j.d. power. call for a free quote today. liberty stands with you?. getting married again is a lot more interesting than getting a phone call from a mysterious stranger. ( phone rings ) oh! the phone call from the mysterious stranger! come on. if you think i'm gonna climb the walls every time the telephone rings... that's ridiculous. "a mysterious stranger." hello there, old friend. yes, this is the lady of the house. who is this? if i can sing the campbell soup jingle, uh, wel

ha ha ha ha ha. man, what a sight. he was some character, i'll tell you. i got news for you guys. belker's not dead. you're talking about him like he's already laid out at mt. pleasant's. you been back to 204 fullerton yet? as i recall, there was nobody in at the time. on our way, sarge. come on. get out of here, guys. come on. so right at the time i was lying to daryl ann, you were out boffing some hooker?! no, i was not! i went by to break it off, and she has this bomb she drops on me. she has this big idea -- she wants a copy of the vice squad duty roster, or she's gonna tell daryl ann. now, what am i supposed to do about that now?! you have one choice and only one -- tell daryl ann the truth! i can't! you gotta! what about this billie jo woman? bust her! i did it with her! it isn't entrapment if you didn't know she was a hooker. there were no transactions. r up. you wear a wire. give her the duty roster. and then i'll wait in the hall, and we'll... nail her on conspiracy and extortion. yeah. then we bust this woman, right? and then i tell my wife, right? and she walks out on me

ha ha ha ha! mindy, i'm your father. you can do better than that. mork, do something. show daddy you're from ork. watch this, daddy. a little cosmic shtick. many bleems ago, we orkans realized the need to talk while drinking. boy, am i thirsty. i'd like to see a human do that. [ belches ] look, i don't know how you did that, but it's, uh, some kind of trick. it doesn't prove anything. they have huge, bald heads. not always. and everybody knows that space creatures are always green. oh, you mean the old clich? -- like this. aaahh! nauseating, isn't it? it's not easy being green. you're an alien! you're an alien. paah. daddy, mork is from a highly advanced civilization. they did away with violence ages ago. not only that... i like you. oh, well, i like you, too, son. burn that. look, would you mind if i talk to my daughter in private? no offense. i mean, it's not worth a death ray or anything like that. death ray? oh, humor. ar ar. just going to go clean up the old room. isn't that something else? mindy, let's have a father-daughter talk. get rid of him! trash day. would

ha ha ha. ha ha ha. i'm sorry about this, j.j., but i'm sure you'd rather have me be straight with you. you see, this company's success depends on the goodwill of all our accounts. i just couldn't stay in business if some of them didn't approve of my assistant art director. yeah, but mr. g. -- i'm really sorry. i don't like that league, but i have to play ball. well, if you're the one playing ball, 'm the one striking out? ohh, those chili dogs. man, i don't know why you eat that junk this late at night anyway. michael, i was working late. and besides, i'd get a lot sicker if i was eating thelma's cooking. well, i'm about ready to hit the sack, too, j.j. you coming? michael, hold it. yeah? if you was a captain of a sinking ship and you only had one seat left on your lifeboat, who would you give it to -- a black man or a white man? well, j.j., my answer is -- well, it depends. depends on what? depends on who it is. i mean, is the black barbara jordan or idi amin? is the white dr. salk or lester maddox? oh,

ha ha ha ha ha. life is so cruel. now i must go out and dance for the audience alone. ? she looks so worn and pale, but beautiful. ? her tears are rolling down her pillow. ? oh! bud: oh belene, you dance with such a beautiful busted heart. kathy: how long have you been standing there? on me. bud: i wasn't spying on y- well don't push! i was just enjoying the show. kathy: you have no right to come around here poking on me. bud: well just hold on. you know, you don't own the whole world. kathy: well no, but -- well this is a different world. bud: what do you mean, different? kathy: oh i don't know, i can't explain it. everything seems so wonderful and real, and i was somebody awful important. then when you came poking around here, you made me feel silly. margaret: my heavens, that's it. that's it! it's so simple, why couldn't i see it? kathy: mommy make bud come in the house. bud: i wasn't do anything. she keeps hollering for somebody to go out there and watch her old puppet show, and when i do -- margaret: kathy's right. man: huh? margaret: i bet you didn't understand what

ha-ha-ha, well, i'll be! ha-ha, sergeant doonevan. well, i'll just double declare. whatatn the world are you doin' way up here, major? i ain't seen you since we chased banks back to new orleans. i'm running a herd up to canada for the army there. cheyenne, climb down. i think his new job is givin' mules stubborn lessons. ha-ha-ha. this is cheyenne bodie, tom. howdy. you buffalo hunting now, are ya? yeah, that's right, major. and havin' a middlin' year. ah, hello there. this your daughter, tom? oh, no, major. this is my missus, s san. second wife, of course. oh, i'm sorry, tom, i... i remember pearl, and... well, that's all right, major. pearl passed on some time ago. susan, i want you to meet up with major early. eak of him. -hello, major. -mrs. doonevan. and cheyenne bodie. ma'am. you're all gonna eat with us, ya hearar we never had any other idea. good, let's step inside and drink a dram to the second texas. ? good, don't nurse it, major. what is that? cactus neutral spirits? dandelion wine. must be that you're growin' old. would cabbage and a side of corned beef s

ha ha ha ha! nanu, nanu! including those with an abnormal alk or e.g.f.r. gene who've tried an fda-approved targeted therapy, this is big. a chance to live longer with opdivo, nivolumab. opdivo demonstrated longer life and is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. no biomarker testing is required with opdivo, opdivo works with your immune system. opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. this may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. see your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough; chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; excessive thirst or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; muscle or joint pain; or flushing as this may keep these problems from becoming more

ha ha. ha ha. ladies and gentlemen, i'd... like you to meet my mother. this is a hospital, not a nightclub. well, that's different. see you later. hmm. so. yes. as a matter of fact, i did. not bad, huh? dr. welch, i find your behavior unprofessional, inappropriate, and completely repulsive. and besides, that was no babe. that was my mother. katherine! katherine, there's no milk! no katherine. ohhh... "david, left early for work. see you at 6:00. "love you. me. p.s. it was your turn to buy the milk." oh...well... no milk. who are you? who are you? i'm david howser. i belong here. i'm the gardener. i belong here, too. since when? since eight years ago. that's my cup. so where's katie? she's at work. some doctor. you have to send your wife to work? actually, it was her choice. interesting. n't you be watering or something? what do you want in the side yard, petunias or pansies? well, i don't know. katie always knew. petunias. and what's with this "katie" business? her name happens to be katherine. katherine? no. too formal. i think katie is a little too info

ha ha! i don't believe it! how come he didn't come out here and move these-- help! help! get me out of here! i'm stuck! get me out of here! that's why. ha ha ha! get me out of here! yeah, man, don't worry about a thing, mr. sanford! we're gonna have you out in a jiffy. yeah. oh, i'm sorry. we're shaking the truck, eh? [speaking spanish] hey, lamont, you get him from that side. i pull from the top, man. let's get him out of there. [all grunting] wait a minute! [lamont whistles] oh! oh! whoo! you know... to get a few things straight. what? what? well, like apologizing to julio for always putting him down and talking bad about puerto ricans. oh, man, he don't have to do that. he does if he wants to get out of there. well, what do you say, pop? do you promise to stop putting julio down and bad-mouthing puerto ricans? i promise. hey, wait a minute, lamont. maybe just one more little thing, huh? well, mr. sanford, would you do me a favor and say...dio? huh? i said, say t?o. what's that? well, in spanish t?o means "uncle." say t?o. hey! you heard what the man said. say t?o. say t?o. you're not gonna say it? well, come on, julio. see you tomorrow,

ha! oh, i hope major nelson has a wonderful time. he's probably gonna have the greatest time of his life. ha-ha-ha! ho-ho-ho! ho-ho! well, he's probably going to have a nice time. ge evening. guess i better be running along. ha-ha-ha! what are you doing? what--? what did you mean, "ho-ho, he-he," major healey? jeannie, get me out of here. not until you tell me what is happening to major nelson. oh, "happening to major nelson." nothing's happening to major nelson. look, i've got a meeting with dr. bellows and i'm late. well, i will let you go i think he is now. well, i'm sure that mr. charlie suzie would not hurt him. yeah, charlie suzie wouldn't hurt him. c-c-can i go now? if he is with mr. charlie suzie. [gasps] i think i have been tricked. jeannie, don't do anything hasty. nice jeannie. jeannie. jeannie! jeannie! [classical music playing] there. isn't that better? oh! yes, it certainly is. it looks much more comfortable. here. to us. i'll drink to that. [coughs] i'm sorry. that impression recently. if you'd only told me the truth i would not have done that. yet if i had told you the truth, you wouldn't have let me

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! oh, dear god! it's the canadian devil! beelzaboot! ur dad make you more likely to have trouble with, um, dopamine regulation, and that's why you need to kind of watch out for addictive stuff. okay, so, you kind of understand now, champ? i guess so. but why do companies have to put so many addictive things out there? you know, they all do it, and it's kind of my deal. i've got to put temptation out there, too, so people have free will and all that shit. but, you know, everyone has their justification and thinks what they're doing is okay. [ cellphone chimes ] hey, buddy, where'd you go? don't you want more canadough? what's this? that's what i've been addicted to. it's a freemium game sending me push notifications. [ cheerful music plays ] [ cellphone chimes ] what, you just collect coins? [ coins clinking ] [ bell ringing ] how much money can you buy today? no, see, if something's addictive because it's fun, that's one thing. but this is just blatant skinner box manipulation. wait a minute, who put this out? uh, canada. oh, that son of

ha! ha ha ha ha! now what are you doing? hello, uh, woody? yeah. this is grady. well, yeah, i told you it would work. and she's over here right now just bawling like a baby. you ought to see her. yeah. [feminine voice] woodrow. woodrow. i want my woodrow! [normal voice] now, woody, would i lie to you? so i'm telling you, woody. she's yours if you want her. listen, just wash your hands and get on over here. [hangs up phone] now what did you do that for? if woodrow comes over here expecting aunt esther to be meek, she's liable to knock him down. one down and one to go. [knocking] you're gonna be sorry you did this, grady wilson. mark my words. you're gonna be sorry you did this. aunt minnie, aunt flossie. lamont, baby. how are you? i'm doing fine, but what's the matter? what y'all doing here? for our poor, sweet sister. we just left her house, and woody the worm said he put her out, and we figured she'd be over here. so we came over here as fast as we could. all right. just--just-- just make yourself at home here. just stay here. aunt esther! esther: what is it, ba

ha ha ha! or if i do this -- ha ha ha! i'm totally in control. i don't have pba. pseudo bulbar affect, it costs frequent outbursts of uncontrollable crying or laugh in people with brain injuries or certain neurologic conditions. pba is treatable. ask your doctor or go to >>> we >>> we start with an extraordinary story of survival. it involves a cinderella soccer team on their way to the first-ever playoff game in their history when their plane crashed in the mountains of colombia. 71 people died. but six somehow made it. their bodies found away from the wreckage. what c can we learn from them? here's abc's david kerley. >> reporter: looking at the images of thi part of the fuselage intact, it's hard to imagine anyone could survive. 71 died but remarkably at least six did survive. >> in this particular instance, with all the wreckage that we've seen in the pictures, i would say if it's not miraculous, it's fairly close. >> reporter: last night search and rescue teams frantically working to pull them from the debris. the jet they were on was flying medellin, going do

ha ha ha ha ha ha. i'm getting out of here! stop! i'm too virile to die! please, lord, get me out of this, and i'll donate all my change to "parents without partners." another right turn, please. sadist. [ tires screeching ] watch out! get down! get funky! i'm satisfied with your work on the test course. i think it's time for the highway section of the test. mork: auntie em! auntie em! mindy! anybody! [ high-pitched voice ] kiss me goodnight, eddie. listen, daddy, i was just thinking... maybe i could fix you a nice, big, hot cup of cocoa with a marshmallow in it and maybe a goldfish sandwich. mearth. i know. no mustard. isn't that sweet of him, mind? unlike you, who tried to send me to my doom! he's turning on us. mearth, sweetie, why don't you go up to your room so dad and i can have a talk? i think you should maybe rub him on the tummy like this. that's what i always do with teddy. only thing with teddy -- when i rub him and keep rubbing him, he never closes his eyes. oh, come on, mork, don't be so depressed. so, you'll take the test another time. yeah,

ha ha! ha! ha ha ha! huh? i'll get your door fixed in just a few minutes, edith. michael: come on, gloria. let's go. come on, irene. that was a funny joke. hey, ma, have a nice time in scranton. thanks. bye, daddy. [laughs] i got the sandwiches! [laughing] we'll see you tomorrow night if you're still up when we get home. have a good time in the woods. say hello to the pinko patrol up there. archie, i can use your finger here. yeah, all right. hurry up, will you? i'm so worried about going away for the whole weekend. are you sure you're gonna be all right? i'm a grown man, edith. i can take care of myself. ow! jeez! you strangled my nail. i'm sorry. you want me to kiss it and make it better? shush! irene's standing there! you want me to kiss it and make it better? cut the funnies, huh, irene? will you hurry up? if you don't get that dress there to scranton in time, they'll be baptizing the baby in the nude. me on! you're missing that bus. the last bus to scranton leaves at 5:00 tonight. yeah, all right. all your meals are in the icebox. everything's labeled, so you

ha ha ha ha. he's got a gun! do something! y-y-you're right, son. before i hand you my kneecaps on a platter?! thank you, partner. no sweat. will someone now call a policeman? i'm a policeman. there's gonna be a black mark on your record, dad, if you go through with this. looks like i'm gonna have to split town again, but i'm a little short on cash. ah, dave! you empty the till, and, everybody else, you empty your pockets. i don't have any pockets. o collect all the cash. my pleasure. lovely 7 and 3/4. dad, i plead with you. don't do this. that cap is filthy. you don't know where it's been. besides, the money you're taking from these guys -- son, please! i'm not superman, and even if i was, i wouldn't want to see you hurt or any of these people hurt either. please, please. i'm not a coward. hey! who said you could move?! [ sobs ] i told you, empty the pocket! [ sobbing ] all i have is a frog in my right pocket. please. he's telling you the truth, charlie. i'm a nonviolent person. here -- take your money and go and leave us all alone. i happen to be

ha, ha, ha, ha. worry not, however. as i shall be on hand to prevent say, london underground. ha, ha, ha, ha. assault. [ laughter ] you can see the entire donald trump-theresa may meeting re-enacted in the critically acclaimed series "downton grabby." [ laughter ] now, trump has apparently already spoken with may and according to a leaked transcript reported by the "guardian" newspaper, trump told her, quote, "if you travel to the u.s. you should let me know." you think she's just going to pop over? [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] uh. [ laughter ] hello, governor! so what's trump doing instead of overseeing a smooth transition? well, there's this odd story from a reporter covering trump. the reporter said he saw a professional skateboarder, billy rowan, in the lobby of trump's building on wednesday. rowan said he met with trump earlier today and came away impressed. rowan claimed he told trump to spread peace by building skate parks around the world. he said trump was receptive to the idea. trump met

ha ha ha! or if i do this -- ha ha ha! i'm totally in cont pba. pseudo lbar affect, itwith frequent outbursts of incontrollab crying or laugh eople with brain injuries or certain neurologic conditions. pba istreatable. ask your dtor or to 1 plain >>> we sta with an team on their way to the first-ever playoff game in their history when their plane crashed in the mountains of coloia 71 people died. but six somehowade it their bodies fou away froe wreckage. heat can we learn fro them? 's abc's david kerley. >> reporter: looking at the images of this plane crash today, the maned seats jus part of the fuselage intact, it's hard toma 71 died but remarkably at least six did survive. >> in this particular instance, with all the wreckage that we've seen in the pictures, i would say if it's not miraculous, it's >> reporter: last night search and rescue teams frantically working to pull them from the the jet they were on was flying to the colombian city of medellin, going down in the mountains aroundhe airport thechapecoense. the team, headed to a big for tou

has spoken! go. gather laurel leaves? you must be joking! ha ha ha ha. "kill a deer." that's the funniest thing that i ever heard of! go ahead! lieutenant, get back. you shall reap the rewards of your insolence! we're tired of your phony fireworks! mortal, you have earned this! y his children. you said you were gentle and understanding. lieutenant! how can they worship you if you hurt them? lieutenant. apollo, please. you know so much of love. please don't hurt them. please. i shall be lenient with you... for her sake. you will make plans to bring the rest of your people down. be sure your artisans bring tools. you will need homes. and you'll supply the herds of sheep, and the pipes we'll play, for the supplies you need, and i'll crush its empty hull. i have been too patient. i shall be patient no longer. captain, we've got to do something! we were doing something until our brave lady stepped in and saved us. got any more good ideas? yes, i have, one more. if she fails us, we better get used to herding goats. fools. i offer them more than they could know, not just a wor

ha ha ha. you're just passing them laws out right and left. that i do, son. that i do. the car. oh, ma, they stole my car. that's a brand-new unit. second one today. i'll tell you something. if i have to shoot up this whole street, i'm going to get that car back. there ain't no way i'm going to file a report on this! no way at all! okay, okay, take it easy. hey, we don't want to collect a crowd. a crowd?! a crowd?! well, that's exactly what i want to do -- is collect a great crowd! renko, renko, hey, renko, we lose two or three cars every month. they park them. they leave them. no big deal. it's a big deal to me. that's the second unit today. that's a brand-new unit. esterhaus is going to kill me. renko, shut up! man, we have no car, and we have no radio now. so let's just be cool. let's just call in and get another unit. that phone! look at this mess! hey, man, the world's full of phones, man. lots of phones. let's go find one. don't you squint your eyes at me like that! i'm a peace officer, and i want you off this street when i get back! and i mean it! i'm so tired of dealing

ha ha ha ha ha. that's funny. yeah, that's very funny. as a matter of fact, it's so funny, i'm gonna let you try it out on the judge at 8:00 tomorrow morning. tomorrow morning? i'm not spending any time in any crummy motel around here. do you think i'd let you gentlemen spend any time in any crummy motel around here? no. no, not on your life. no. in the clink. if you don't mind. i don't believe it, i just don't believe it. oh, please, believe it. my reputation as a crime fighter is at stake. now, officer, look. ha ha. obviously, there's been some little misunderstanding here. ah. and this is my friend walter findlay. he's a well-known appliance dealer. oh. well, well... well, then, then, tell me something-- if you're--if you're such a big-deal appliance dealer, and you're a doctor, then, how come-- how come you're driving a '59 volkswagen camper with naked ladies painted on the side? we borrowed it from my wife's nephew. who is a hippie! he is not. you see, being a doctor, naturally, i drive a cadillac. which is why your patients have to t

ha ha ha ha ha ha! she wants to name the baby andrew? you could name her andrea. andrea? yeah! andrea esposito! we will never forget you. gracias, se?or. thank you, andrew. andrea! andrea esposito! now...you still hate the job? [ laughs ] you're putting me on. no. you offered the kid 200 bucks? that's right. [ laughs ] you want me to leave town somewhere, lieutenant? leave it alone, norm. okay, so the problem is maybe alfred's gang papa are gonna hurt him now that he's a known snitch, right? rehabilitate his reputation with the street creeps. what couou be simpler. right, norm? to cover our butts, we take a kid who almost made it to the straight side, drive him back into the street. the kid was hanging bad paper last week. let's not put him up thehe with mother teresa. henry, norm. what's doing, captain? i went to daniels. he'll give alfred williams $250 relocation money. won't be needed. i don't think the kid's leaving town, captain. doesn't want to go to art school. wants to stay here and work things out with carl mann. and that's good for us, right, frank? he's back on the s

ha ha ha! appreciate y'all. thank you. ha ha ha! thank you very much. feud," everybody. i'm your man steve harvey. [cheering and applause] ah, we got a good one for you today, y'all. from decatur, georgia, it's the greene family... [cheering and applause] and from westfield, new jersey, it's the federgreen family. [cheering and applause] uh, everybody's here trying to win theirself a lot of cash, y'all, and somebody could drive out of here in a brand-new car. give me ian. give me belinda. man: whoo hoo! steve: top 8--top 8 answers on the board. here we go. ha ha! you're going to prison, and you can bring one thing with you. what do you choose? ian: pictures. steve: pictures? ian: pictures--your family, your wife. pictures. belinda: ha ha! oh... ian: i watch "orange is the new black." pictures. steve: you watch "orange is the new black." ian: so i know about prison life. steve: no. don't nobody want damn pictures. belinda: ha ha ha! whew! steve: you get a shot to take something to prison, you're gonna take pictures. they can send you pictures. your ass a