ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! >> what? >> jimmy kimmel told me to do it. >> ha ha, really? really? eah, really. >> what? >> jimmy kimmel made me do it. >> matthew! >> stop. >> hey, jimmy kimmel, i served a snowball in bed. >> [ bleep ] jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what? thank you. i'm glad i could help bring families together. we got a great show for you tonight. music from weezer, from the power rangers, naomi scott is here. and we'll be right back with dave chappelle. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. verizon. (mic thuds) uh, sorry. it's unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. (thud) uh... sorry, last thing. it's just $45 per line. forty. five. (cheering and applause) and that is all the microphones that i have. (vo) switch to unlimited on verizon now and get our best android smartphones for as low as $15 a month. introducing new depend real fit briefs. now more breathable than ever. in situations like this, there's no time for distractions. it's not enough to thi

ha-ha-ha-ha. ha-ha-ha-ha. [ applause ] trump was like, just what i need, another leaker. t have it. i can't have it. [ cheers and applause ] find out who it is. today gorsuch spent a lot of time trying to prove that he wouldn't always agree with president trump. but this is very interesting. listen to him talk about the founding father, john hancock. watch this. >> but they know that that's his signature, because he wrote his name so bigly -- big and boldly. >> you just said bigly. >> bigly -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he said bigly. [ applause ] that's right. then gorsuch pulled off his mask and was like, i fooled you! it was me all along! [ laughter and applause ] "scooby doo!" meddling kids. i saw this week, trump's kids, don jr., ivanka and eric took their families on a ski trip to aspen. which was fun 'til they said, wait. if we're all here who's watching dad? uh, let's go. get on a plane right now. [ laughter and applause ] everyone get your stuff. he might be tweeting right now! well, this is everywhere. last night on "wheel of fortune" a contestant was down to the fin

. >> jimmy: ha-ha, hee-hee. ha-ha! >> ha-ha! ha-ha! [ laughter ] hmm. chocolaty. >> jimmy: hmm.an. i love that you did that. do you do other impressions too? >> yeah. i've been known to from time to time. >> jimmy: who do you go into? who you jabbing? >> does anybody remember the late, great rodney dangerfield? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's my favorite. >> sure. >> jimmy: i love rodney. >> so one time i took my wife to dog show. she won! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i love rodney. >> i love him. kermit the frog. >> jimmy: kermit the frog? >> yeah, close your eyes. close your eyes. okay. ready? hi, ho. kermit the frog here. >> jimmy: oh! that's unbelievable. [ applause ] anyone else? >> ah -- who else? who else, who else? who else? arnold schwarzenegger. >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy look at the traps, and the cannonball belts, the biceps, and the triceps, you have to stop eating these girl scout cookies. we need to get some protein! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you kidding? you should have your own hbo special. >> stop it. >> jimmy: stop it right now. you got

ha ha ha! [cheering and applause] ha ha ha ha! steve: folks, i'd like you to meet all of my aunts.hter] [kennedys cheering] boy...boy, if this don't look like my family right here, boy. [laughter] hey, thanks for coming. have a great day. win yourselves some money. these are the champs. that's a really nice family over there. enjoy yourself. let's go play "feud." give me

ha-ha-ha. >> look at this guy. pans over. it sums it up. >> oh, no. >> how quickly the tables turn. >> yes, it does. oh, well. it was a great three second while it lasted. >> coming up. what you don't want to say to the next robocall you receive. >> uh. despite all voice prompts, automated technology hasit apparently is helping thieves. we will tell you the one word you should never say when that call comes in. provocative real housewife on dancing with the stars. her star was born in a rather unusual way. see where erika jane really gets her inspiration. >> >> speaking of feeling inspired. check out our behind the scenes look. you're watching "world news now." they have passions to pursue. how do they avoid trips to the post office? stamps.com mail letters, ship packages, all the services of the post office right on your computer. get a 4 week trial, plus $100 in extras including postage and a digital scale. go to stamps.com/tv and never go to the post office again. do you think i'm gonna crack under pressure or conquer the field? defy expectations any day with always infinity. made with flexfoam. absorbs 10x its weight. rewrite the rules. always.

. >> ha, ha, ha, ha! classic ross. >> fire her. don't make me ever talk to a woman that old again. >> reporter: and of course he was jack donaghy in the long-running highly acclaimed "30 rock."" >> jonathan, you're fired. >> why is your tie a little bit squint? >> i did 6 1/2 years of a tv show and that's all you have to say, is i messed up my tie? you turn to her and go your show is a great show. and your tie is a mess. >> i'm just surprised nobody ever -- >> can we start again? >> i'm surprised nobody ever told you that. >> for multiple reasons we need to start again. >> he was so good in "glengarry glen ross," perhaps he's never managed to escape it. >> coffee's for closers only. >> ripped off on posters for "the boss baby." by the way, he dressed his son as the boss baby for the premiere. >> you do get constant -- these kind of corporate monsters when in real life you seem like quite a nice chap. >> i think i am. i've never played a movie part that was really what i am. what's going on inside of me. >> almost got to fix that. >>

ha ha ha but i don't know what to do with those ♪ ♪ tossed salads and scrambled eggs they're callin again ♪ ♪ scrambled eggs all over my face what is a boy to do ♪ ♪ >> good night, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's "late night casserole!" we'll be right back with music from big thief. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ classic hershey's outside. with a new creamy, crunchy inside. new hershey's cookie layer crunch. classic reimagined. [laughs] ♪ you have a side that is retired ♪ ♪ playing tag and gettin' tired. ♪ ♪ you have a side that saves for their tuition. ♪ ♪ but right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. ♪ ♪ a side that owns your own store. ♪ ♪ looks like you need to expand some more. ♪ ♪ that's why there's nationwide. ♪ ♪ they help protect and grow your many sides. ♪ ♪ nationwide is on your side. liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. assume nothing. just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. no wonder kraft is so good. it's not easy to brew a beer this easy to drink. bud light is tasted by brewmasters every step of the process. it's a tough job, but for you and your friends, it's worth it. we don't just brew beer. we brew beer for friends. we don't just brew beer. degree has on, and off, the court. degree. it won't let you down. ♪ ♪ it's spring, and we can't wait to open our sheds and get working on our yards. scotts and miracle-gro are here to help. we make it easy to grow thick, healthy lawns, spectacular plants, and bountiful flowers. because when spring starts right, the months that follow stay perfect. load up your shed with scotts and miracle-gro. it's time to get outside. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i'm really excited about this tonight. [ cheers and applause ] they're an indie rock band from brooklyn. here to perform the title track off their critically-acclaimed debut album "masterpiece," please welcome to the show big thief, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ years days makes no difference to me babe ♪ ♪ you look exactly the same to me ♪ ♪ ain't no time crossing your legs inside the diner raising the coffee ♪ ♪ to your lips the steam you saw the masterpiece she looks a lot like you ♪ ♪ wrapping her left arm around your right ready

>> ha ha ha ha ha! yeah, right. [ laughter ] >> you know, i know when michelle is suffering from allergies because she sounds like a little newborn puppy sneezing. [ laughter ] >> i know when roqui is suffering because she is all stuffed up and sounds like a duck. [ laughter ] >> clear skies, temperatures currently in the 40s and 50s. kenny, you don't suffer from allergies -- yet. >> yet. >> you wait. 45 in livermore. 41 in santa rosa. we have some areas of fog. okay, here are our weather watchers. linda in fairfield, george in san francisco, and robert in redwood city, all reporting temperatures 40s and 50s with clear skies but that's going to change. we'll have a few increasing clouds later today. we'll refer to it as partly sunny but we have the luck of the irish with us. temperatures going up a good 5 degrees or more in many neighborhoods today. cloudy and cooler over the weekend and then umbrella weather this time next week. all right. here's our satellite-radar. right now we have a clear slot but w

ha, ha, ha, john podesta said this or that, the press were accomplices in the undermining of our election by the russians by not pointing out this stuff is worthless because it comes from an undermining of our election. or reminding the public where the leaking of these e-mails came from. i can't speak to the time that what president obama -- wish it all happened in a time that the public could know this had an impact on the election. a lot of things had an impact on the election. this certainly was one of them. but what's important to know is that it doesn't happen again and that people in other countries are realize what they are going to be susceptible to when the russians come in to undermine their elections. this is a big picture of undermining democracies, not just in our country, although they like undermining ours. and they did have a vendetta against hillary clinton because she spoke about democracy and democratic elections and the rest. there's no question personally vladimir putin had a vendetta. >> that's right and the russians are right now doing the same thing in some european countries to influence their elections. i want to move on to legislation. in a joint speech to congress president trump renewed his commitment to paid child care and family leave. >> my administration wants to work with members of both parties to make child care accessible and affordable, to help insure new parents -- assure new parents that they have paid family leave. >> paid family leave. a big democratic priority for a long time. is that something you could work with the president on? >> i would essential hope so. the first conversation i had with him after the election that week of the election we talked about that subject and a subject that his family is interested in as well. >> obamacare. >> but what he has proposed is something that benefits 70% of the benefits go to people making over $100,000 a year. so we have to revisit it. this is not what this country needs in that regard. i do think that there's some bipartisanship where we can have -- we can come together. it doesn't happen to be in his proposal. >> before you go, i need to ask you about a crude joke told by a democratic member of congress. >> before you go there, though, let me say about his speech, all of this that he's doing, the deflection is to deflect from the fact that he does not have a jobs bill, he does not have an infrastructure bill, he does not have any of the things he talked about, renegotiating nafta, has not made the communication with congress on all of that. understand this, this is the deflect -- where we started, the deflector in chief. no jobs, no infrastructure bill, no nothing and no major bill signed since he came to the white house. >> i need to ask you about this crude joke that was told this week by a

. >> stephen: ha, ha, ha, ha, that vladimir putin sure is a jokester. "knock knock." who's there? ." i who? "who's asking, i who? are you journalist? i will kill you." ( laughter ) but here's the thing, reagan didn't say that, george h. w. bush did. it's the reason vlad lost on jeopardy's war criminal week. ( cheers and applause ) huge ratings. i love watching every year. every year i love watching "war criminals week." "i'm sorry, your answer must be in the form of a murder." speaking of donald trump's loved ones, yesterday it was announced that ivanka trump will become a federal employee in the white house, serving as the president's "eyes and ears." yeah, yeah, eyes and ears. no word yet on who will be operating his brain. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) yay! brain! very happy to get this man -- bring your daughter to govern day. ( laughter ) so he's hired his daughter as assistant to the president, his son-in-law as his senior adviser, and put eric and donald junior in charge of the national hair gel reserve. ( laughter ) >> anyway -- it's always 1985. ( lau

has could be completed tomorrow night. so reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities the government has parliam so the government has so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to get so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to get over so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to get over this so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to get over this week so the government has parliamentary hurdles reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities to get over this week but hurdles to get over this week but ministers reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities hurdles to get over this week but ministers reflect on what the house of lords has said by majorities seem hurdles to get over this week but ministers reflect on what the house of lords has said by

ha-ha-ha. >> that would be worth it. i do want to thank the pierre hotel here in new york for lending us their lavish penthouse suite for the interview. thought it be for longer, the night. no, just for, one hour. you are done. >> most people, you know would pay ransom to get their kids back. kendis is offering thousands to give away the hypotheca >> take my kids, please, to borrow a line from comedian. >> beautiful little places down there. >> just need more -- >> money. tand, our adulte children are here. so, we save by using tide. which means we use less. three generations of clothes cleaned in one wash. those are moms. anybody seen my pants? nothing cleans better. put those on dad! it's got to be tide. clearasil rapid action begins working fast for clearly visible results in as little as 12 hours. but can it fix this teen's skateboarding mishap? nope. h on other teen things. if parts a and bcare and want more coverage. guess what? you could apply for a medicare supplement insurance plan whenever you want. no enrollment window. no waiting to apply. that means now may be a great time to shop for an aarp medicare supplement insurance plan, insured by unitedhealthcare insurance company. medicare doesn't cover everything. and like all standardized medicare supplement insurance plans, these help cover some of what medicare doesn't pay. so don't wait. call now to request your free decision guide. it could help you find the aarp medicare supplement plan that works for you. these types of plans have no networks, so you get to choose any doctor who accepts medicare patients. rates are competitive, and they're the only plans of their kind endorsed by aarp. remember - these plans let you apply all year round. so call today. because now's the perfect time go long. ♪ i want something like this ♪ ♪ ♪ sunset i want something just like this ♪ >> chain-smokers, cold play. pretty good there. >> team work. >> yes. finally the story of one foster mom and speaking of team work indeed. and her year's long effort to become a permanent mom. >> she now wants her little girl to one day look back and see all the people who made it happen. abc's david muir is telling their story. >> reporter: little graham is 5 years old. right there in her glasses, playing with her soon to be cousins outside courtroom 6. >> a special day for little wren. want to come up here to make this official. >> i love you. >> i love you. >> billie hasg all most three years to officially become wren's mother. stamping the adoption papers to make it official. and we first heard from that mom, on gma. >> i knew from the first time i met wren i wanted to adopt her. but i wasn't able to quite yet. i had to wait a while for that to finally happen. millie asked those who played roles in the journey to help document it for wren with signs each of them would hold. >> i wanted to do something for wren that sunny could look back on in a few years so she could know how much we loved her. wren's proud grandparents to. day we welcome our sixth grandchild. the presiding judge, his smile as wide as wren's. and their adoption attorney, signed, sealed, delivered, she's yours. the cousins are ready. and we learned, so is wren. >> hey, wren, you love mommy? >> yeah. >> oh. >> of course she does. show mama. >> i love this story. they love this story. >> this much. >> i love you baby. >> there was millie with perhaps the most powerful sign of all. today

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ha-ha-ha. >> look at this guy. pans over. it sums it up. >> oh, no. >> how quickly the tables turn. >> yes, it does. oh, well. it was a great three second while it lasted. >> coming up. what you don't want to say to the next robocall you receive. >> uh. despite all voice prompts, automated technology hasthat helpful. it apparently is helping thieves. we will tell you the one word you should never say when that call comes in. provocative real housewife on dancing with the stars. her star was born in a rather unusual way. see where erika jane really gets her inspiration. >> >> speaking of feeling inspired. look. you're watching "world news now." they have passions to pursue. how do they avoid trips to the post office? stamps.com mail letters, ship packages, all the services of the post office right on your computer. get a 4 week trial, plus $100 in extras including postage and a digital scale. go to stamps.com/tv and never go to the post office again. do you think i'm gonna crack under pressure or conquer the field? fy expectations any y with always infinity. de with flexfoam.ield? absorbs 10x its weight. rewrite the rules. always. it's your glass of willpower that helps keep cravings... ...far, far away. feel less hungry wi

ha, ha, ha. >> wartime philadelphia.he righ we sweethearts and he went off to sea never know that dorothy was going to have a baby. >> they were each other's first loves. >> and dorothy gave up the baby marie for adoption and she raised a family and then reunited. and just yet beckyent out this picture a yearbook photo and the sister is alive and lives with a son in arizona, the consent the photos his family were searching for. >> it's so hard to process after all of these years. >> there is much happiness in this house today dorothy however was not he she is not feeling well the hope is to share the photos with her soon. >> my grandmother is 92 and know that this is one thing she wanted before she left this earth. >> john rawlins, channel 6 "action news." >>> dallas green hasong carved his place in history and today we are mourning his passing. >> up until 2008 only one man had the distinct of managing a phillies team in a world series title and that man, dallas green has died. he was a loud and imposing figure be players did not like him much but he got the job done in 1980s. green was back with the team most recently as a senior adviser to the general manager. the phillies released this statement, we mourn the passing of dallas green, the phillies lost a great man and wonderful friend and our thoughts and prayers are with his family. he was 82. >>> we are a few week as way from opening day and they took the field to face the yankees and vince val he is kes was roughed up and two of those hits were off the bat of greg bird. the phillies lose the game 7-3. >>> as steve miller once crooned time is slipping, slipping, slipping and that is not good for the flyers. they are 7 points back with 10 games to go. and they lost to winnipeg last night and tomorrow ni

. >> ha-ha-ha. i love it. >> tan lochte's performance. fr featuring alum, chris catan, and partner. this so, he was never really going to win this thing. experience. >> she is amazing inspiration. and i couldn't hav i had an incredible, incredible time. incredible time. speaking of more. ♪ tell me more tell me more o the movie "grease." olivia newton john, sandy, and john travolta thinkiersary. we can't help but get excited for them to pair up again. but ruif ting for a bruising.ur. think i know all the dance moves. ofwa to take anybody out. i want ♪ we are ready. >> reunion. finally. ♪ ooh ooh ooh >> photo bomb.ple on vacation.ground? >> that, my friend, is actor chris hemsworth. thor himself, posted the picture to instagram. telling the pair, "get out of my shot." the real question who is photo bombing who? >> we are on topping of celebrity photo bombs. you and i had an encounter at the u.s. open some time ago. >> yeah. so we were singing to phil collin's song, because he was performing. and we were so excited about phil collins. way do

ha-ha-ha. i love it. >> they said last time they needed a security guard to protect people from rushing the stage, during ryan lochte's performance. this time they needed a security >> judges from her. the team that did go home. featuring "snl" alum, chris catan, and partner. this week learned more about, the neck injury which made it very difficult for him to dance. so, he was never really going to win this thing. but he didn't let that, ruin his experience. even thanking his partner. >> she is amazing inspiration. and i couldn't have gone, done this without her. i had an incredible, incredible time. incredible time. >> one down. 11 more to go. speaking of more. ♪ tell me more tell me more apparently. ♪ the one that i want ♪ ooh ooh ooh there is a reunion planned for the movie "grease." olivia newton john, sandy, and john travolta thinking of ways to mark the 40th anniversary. >> though no official plans yet, we can't help but get excited for them to pair up again. but if this isn't true, you will >> tell me about it, stud. ♪ ooh ooh ooh we can stage our own reunion. think i know all the dance moves. >> i practiced the moves in my office before this. all i got was the hip part. i don't want to take anybody out. ♪ the one that i want ♪ ooh ooh ooh honey >> the little. you got it. we got it. we are ready. >> reunion. finally. ♪ ooh ooh ooh >> photo bomb. worth 1,000 words. check out the lovely couple on vacation. wait, who is the random guy in the background? >> that, my friend, is actor chris hemsworth. thor himself, posted the picture to instagram. telling the pair, "get out of my shot." the real question who is photo bombing who? >> we are on topping of celebrity photo bombs. you and i had an encounter at the u.s. open some time ago. >> yeah. so we were singing to phil collin's song, because he was performing. and we were so excited about phil collins. way down there. we didn't realize that susan sarandan was sitting don't think it counts. she didn't know. one of these days a real photo bomb. one of these days. >> yeah. photo bomb. one of these days. >> yeah. ...ad, and my sweethearts handsome,gone sayonara.rance... this scarf, all that's left to remember. what! she washed this like a month ago! how's a guy supposed to move on! the long lasting scent of gain flings. ♪ lysol max cover kills 99.9% of bacteria, one more way you've got what it takes to protect. two kids barfed in class today. it was so gross. lysol disinfectant spray kills 99.9% of bacteria, even those that cause stomach bugs. one more way you've got what it takes to protect. ...better than a manual, and my hygienist says it does. but... ...they're not all the same. turns out, they're really... ...different. who knew? i had no idea. so, she said look for... ...one that's shaped like a dental tool with a round... ...brush head. go pro with oral-b. oral-b's rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to... ...gently remove more plaque and... ...oral-b crossaction is clinically proven to... ...remove more plaque than sonicare diamondclean. my mouth feels so clean. i'll only use an oral-b! al-b. brush like a pro. ♪ ♪ >> the song out there. >> i love it. missy elliott the queen of hip-hop in the late '90s, early 2000s. one of the artists you knew every word to every song except one. >> now people are discovering she didn't just sing about flipping it and reversing it. she actually did it to one of her songs. yeah. we're up all "nightline" with dan harris. ♪ is it worth it let me work it put my thing down flip it and reverse it ♪ >> reporter: it's been 15 years since missy elliott first released "work it" from amas in 2003. ♪ take down flip it and reverse it ♪ to her surprise super bowl halftime performance in 2015. ♪ they go ♪ bah-tah-tah >> reporter: no question, missy's 2002 track proved timeness. but a recent tweet about the catchy hook, from the hip-hop star herself, hasoment to shout out to fans who recently figured out that the widely accepted mumbling that follows -- ♪ put my thing down flip it and reverse it ♪ was more than just gibberish. the rapper confirming that lyrics were literally reversed. ♪ put my thing down flip it and reverse it ♪ social media erupted this weekend, fans announced their surprise over the mysterious lyric. as for missy die-hards they were less than impressed with how long it took so many people to realize. one fan tweeting this gif of judge judy saying, wow it really took y'all this long to figure out what missy elliott was saying? 15 years later, looks like the case of mumbling missy has finally been solved. now ul saying? dan harris, abc news, new york. >> a whole another matter. >> i don't know if we can say any of those lyrics on television. >> yeah. i -- >> i always knew this. i have to say. >> i had a dirtier version in my head. >> i am a better missy elliott fan than you. missy, you hear that? >> i am just a naught

ha-ha-ha. oh, my gosh. >> keeping with the theme. >> the story. >> of dog eat dog. >> i get it. >> dog eat dog. dog eat dog. >> little boy from new jersey. 11 months old. cutest thing. just wants to get a nap in. so, of course, where does he try to get a nap on this little dog there, leo. just kind of hanging out. i don't know about you, but i am sleeping. and just like trying to, get the right position. he, his parents say, that he hase dog is just kind of look what are you doing? [ growling ] >> every morning when i get to work. >> hey, what's up, how is it going? >> oh, what do you want? >> are you all right. didn't mean to do the diane voice again. >> i've don't sound look that. >> hey, guys, how is it going? >> and a much easier time than the baby did. he got a nice warm spot. the owner's laptop. >> oh. >> when the owner decided he wanted to use the laptop, the cat was none too happy. >> oh, yeah. >> the cat. >> that can happen with cats. >> it's attacking. >>> this morning on "world news now," breaking news out of north korea. another aggressive act. early this morning as tensions grow in the region. the details on this latest missile launch ahead. president trump making his push for the gop health care bill. saying it is time to get busy, get to work and get the job done. we have the latest on the bill and whether or not it has enough support to pass. >> new this half-hour, musician wyclef jean, claiming he is

starts to fall threw in late 1978, when there has not been any payoff for normalization in terms of curtailing cuban troops in .frica there is a big brew-ha ha-haa were doing.soviets they got a lot more attraction on human rights through normalization ban they did on various geostrategic goals. in terms of the sandinistas, i would say that normalization has teetered up by the end of 1978, where's carter is working ofsely with all sites nicaragua at that time. it was not instrument of their for the ending of normalization -- there for the ending of normalization. this makes them think about what question you raised, about ofention on the soviet world communists -- coming as violations. i do not know that there is less attention, but within certain joe aldrichthe cohort in the western hemisphere, a lot of human rights movements are given by a sense of u.s. complicity in the human rights abuses taking place there, there were people like joe of is savvy chilean q -- cu as a product of u.s. foreign policy, interventionism, support of military dictatorships. because there is a sense of complicity, there is a need to address those problems. there is a

ha ha ha! that was funny! i hope it was worth eternity in hell. ( laughter ) you know what the worst part is? the pope almost had to switch to his backup hat, the fedora, the international sign of celibacy, a child undressing a priest for a change. that's a story. ( audience reacts ) i take your oohs and put them in my ooh jar. thank you very much. moving from the infallible to the soul-fallable. president trump. he generates tons of news. he's like a kardashian inside a white bronco chase inside a missing malaysian flight. we have to speed date our stories in our brand-new segment ain't nobody got time for that. ( cheers and applause ) let's begin with early this morning. breaking news from "time magazine" with a fresh rambling monologue straight from the mouth of the slam poet in chief. >> a transcript of that interview includes this -- i inherited a mess in so many ways, i inherited a mess in the middle east and the mess with north korea. i inherited a mess with jobs, despite the statistics. you know, my statistics are even better but they are not the real statistics because you have millions of people who can't get a job, okay? and i inherited a mess on trade. i mean, we have many. you can go up and down the ladder, but that's the story. hey, look, in the meantime, i guess i can't be doing so badly because i'm president and you're not. say hello to everybody, okay? ( laughter ) >> trevor: i know trump stays away from alcohol, but every time i read his quotes, it makes me think i'm drunk. ( laughter ) i opened this article today and i was, like, man, someone needs to take my keys, i can't drive. i can't drive after this. ( laughter ) now, we could spend time talking about how, in reality, president trump inherited a robust economy that he really can't take credit for and jobs are going up but we don't have time because later today -- >> other big news on capitol hill, the showdown over neil gorsuch. >> top senate democrat chuck schumer said he cannot support gorsuch's confirmation and will lead a filibuster against him! >> trevor: oh, snap! we got a filibuster, yo! yeah, when you delay something by talking, aka the old lady at the cash register of political tactics. normally, it might be worth going into how much this might cost mitch mcconnell to get rid of the fill bust which are hasn one of the main moderating forces in american politics. guess what? no time. because russia and trump and former campaign manager and sylvester stallone look alike paul manafort. >> the associated press reporting paul manafort secretly worked with the russian billionaire to advance the interest of vladimir putin. >> in 2006, manafort signed a $10 million contract with russian billionaire oleg derapaska to, as manafort purportedly describe it, greatly benefit the putin government by long i didn't think and influencing news service. >> we'll offer a service that can focus internally and externally the policies of the putin government. >> trevor: the former head of donald trump's presidential campaign had been earning $10 million a year to make putin and his government look good. remember those famous pictures on putin shirtless on a horse? manafort directed that photoshoot. work it, vlad, work it! oh, but it shows my nipples! no, you are beautiful, vlad! we don't have time to cover tru

at that end of pennsylvania avenue and they should not do it at this t‘“ has " ' “a has been' ' ~ ' “a has been billed ' ~ ' the hasere is no disguising the eta-see there is no disguising the fa ct eta-see there is no disguising the fact that democrats are sought about the fact that president 0bama's nominee never got the chance to have the nomination hearing that neil gorsuch is going through. they are divided as to how far they g go in divided as to how far they can go in opposing him, given that neil gorsuch has shown himself to be erudite, highly qualified, able to cope with the pressure. he seems barely to have put a foot wrong. it isa barely to have put a foot wrong. it is a big dilemma for democrats. do they throw the kitchen sink at this? it is difficult for them right now. it ii difficult fiftfiéfi fight’fi’tfiifif” " ' 7” ' thank you very much. the other big story on caotfi' hill— is the fight over the new health ca re is the fight over the new health care bill. it is close. the real winners and losers could be those in states like pennsylvania. this was such a huge issue for trump on the campaign trail. he is

ha, ha, ha. literally, i'll smoke it so much, they'll be loading it through the bowl while i'm still smoking. then soon as i take it out movie mouth, i'm like, oh. it's just [ bleep ]. that's the only way i can explain it when the hulk goes from human to beast. >> i'll be honest, i do eat a lot. when i'm on drugs, obsolete. food? okay. i eat in jail. other than that, it's back to this meth monster. yes. that's what i looked like when what is coming in. i was literally under 200. when is the last time i was under 200 pounds? like 5, 5 years old? i'm not kidding. >> she says the greatest toll meth has taken has been on her family. she has six children raging in age from 11 to 17, but is no longer in contact with them. five live with her siblings and one with an uncle. she also distanced herself from her brothers and sisters due to shame over her addiction and the crimes she's committed to support it. >> our family is pretty closeknit. my parents died and my siblings are my glue to my life. my family means the world to me, but we've been separated for such a long time. it's been 11 years. 11 years since the last time i've seen them. i pushed them away. i just separated myself. i didn't want them to see me go through a bunch of [ bleep ]. i would never disrespect them like that if my father was still here. meth. that wouldn't be on it. that's not just the love i had for my dad but the respect i had for my father. meth, jail. all this right now wouldn't be an option. wouldn't be in play in my life. i know that for a fact. i know that for a fact. >> coming up -- >> i was pretty in shoc

has ating. but obviously you said there has been little evic review has come but obviously you said there has beeninto the lead up to rio 2016. it there was 2016. it suggests there was some concern worthy of this yes, i yes, - i think investigation? yes, and i think uk athletics should be commended eeelee'ee eeeele ee eee“eeeeee 55} eeelee'ee eeeele ee eee“eeeeee eefi the review. we commissioning the review. we conducted many interviews with involved in the people involved in the classification process and the overall feeling we got is that the uk athletics process is amongst the uk athletics process isamengsithe uk athletics process isemengstthe uk athletics process isemongstthe in the world, but we did best in the world>,—%7utwerdid4+fié= that people if they wanted to could thst eesgle if thg‘rwsfitefitzrcgtfif cheat within the system and we put in that we believe uk athletics will to uk athletics will implement to ensure we have a fast, nimble and very modern and up—to—date classification process that brings an expert to review independently of the classification is, that potentially enables athlet

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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> thank you! >> stephen: welcome back. good to see you again. >> thanks for having me, man. >> stephen: now, let me see if i get this right -- happy norooz. >> the persian new year, what's currently going on. >> stephen: how long does it last? >> the first moment of spring, next tuesday. norooz means new day. >> stephen: are we in the season of norooz now? >> in the season. would you mind if i taught you how to say it in farsi? >> stephen: sure. what aim actually saying? >> i'm stephen, happy new year in persian. >> stephen: i'll do my best. ( maz speak in foreign language, stephen trying to repeat it ) >> whoo! you got it, baby! you got it! >> stephen: got a little swimmy toward the end. >> you got it! >> stephen: what happens on -- what's the celebration? >> so, it's based on actually the first monotheestic religion. >> stephen: how old are we talking here? >> a couple thousand years. >> stephen: at least a couple thousand? >> three to four. >> stephen: it was first? it was first, before christianity, before islam, judaism. as far as i know, it was first. that's what wikipedia says. >> stephen: okay. but the new year starts the first moment of spring because it's a new year, and they celebrate, within a two-week period, we celebrate pretty much everything we celebrate in america over the year, we do it all in two weeks. it new year, so it's new year's eve. we give gifts because it's like christmas. we color eggs, so it's like easter. with we go door to door for treats, so sort of like halloween. >> stephen: do you get in costume and go door to door? that might freak people up in march. >> no, it's not a good time to dress up in costume if you're iranian. i don't want to be deported yet. ( laughter ) it's actually interesting because you see -- like the way in america, we've taken these traditions and we've put it on steroids. so, for example, the gifts that we give in the persian new year, my father, when i was a kid, would sign a $2 bill and give it to me and say, here you go, son, happy new year. in america you get bikes and video games and all kinds of stuff. >> stephen: no christmas for you? >> well, we do christmas, too, now. >> stephen: oh, that's good. i might throw norooz in there so i don't get ripped off. >> if you want to save money, do norooz with your kids. give them $2 bills, sign it and say, that's all you get. ( laughter ) who is the founder of the zorasterism? >> i would think zoraster? >> stephen: it's your holiday. i know who founded christmas. coca-cola. exactly. ( cheers and applause ) >> the actual religion, good words, good thoughts, good deeds, ten you just live your life. >> stephen: i could do that. as an iranian american, what haslected? a new vibe? >> it's been great. relatives can't come, you know! >> stephen: yeah, that's right, one of the seven countries, six countries, so your relatives can't visit for 120 days at least at this point. ( laughter ) >> at first they were trying to sell it for the safety of americans. but none of the countries on the list ever committed an act of terrorism in america. then i saw kellyanne conway on the news. she goes, it's just a little inconvenience for these people. she goes, after september 11 when i got further scrutiny in the airport, i wasn't worried. i wanted to shake her. i wanted to be, like, there were people who needed medical attention who couldn't come to america because of it. i got an email from a norwegian-iranian who was going to come visit his father on his death bed and they couldn't come because to have the ban, they took away his visa. families were being torn apart and it was really upsetting. >> how many kids do you have? two, eight-year-old son and six

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ha, ha, ha. >> all right back out live, a margarita sounds good and if a street is not plowed. the city urges you to contact 311, if you go to philly.gov/311. they expect to have the plowing completed by friday. gray hall, channel 6 "action news." >> thank you. >>> acme market stores through pennsylvania, delaware and new jersey are offering a special 10% coupon for customers impacted by the winter storm. they hope that it will help people restock items they used during the blizzard. it's available on the store's website and valid until tomorrow and some exclusions apply. members of the bensalem police department are the first in the country to use this technology. called x rapid hit i.d. and can identify a suspect if real time and they can remove a suspect immediately. >>> and chester's d.a. as a new role combatting crime. tom hogan is named the chairman for the drug trafficking program. it includes several counties in the tri-state area, hogan says he and his team will protect our good citizens from drug criminals that would do them harm. >> from washington the white house unveiled a $1.1 trillion budget today. it fulfills many of president trump campaign promises and including military spending and including a down payment on the u.s. border wall with mexico. and the budget is also calling for cuts to the national endowment for the arts and programs that help homeless veterans and provide meals for seniors and after school programs and programs for heating. >> to help kids that don't get fed at home, get fed so that they do better in school. guess what? there is no evidence they are doing that, that the results are helping kidded do better in school. >> reaction to president trump's proposed budget is split on party lines, the republicans are encouraged by strengthening the military and americans say the strength comes from the health, well being and safety of the citize citizens. >>> president trump is fighting for his travel ban as more judges rule to block it. accusing former president obama of wiretapping. >> reporter: hello we are halfway through his first 100 days and the president continues to have to answer to some of these core issues his tweets and that travel ban. president trump is looking forward to st. patrick's day during the irish prime minister's visit but still having to look back bringing up that initial executive order on immigrati immigration. after judges in hawaii and long island are looking to block the newly revised travel ban and that it discriminates on religion and nationality. but he calls the rulinged judicial overreach and that the ruling is flawed. >> the danger is real and the law is clear and he will continue to exercise his constitutional authority to protect our nation. >> and accuses president obama of wiretapping trump tower. >> i have been reading about things, and i said wait a minute this is wiretapping talked about and i have been seeing a lot of things. >> the white house says the wiretap is a broader term for surveillance but with no actual evidence of either, they say this source does not cut it. >> this is the president of the united states, he hasccess to all the intelligence in this country. he knows its not true. >> pressure is building for fbi director james comey to come out with exactly what he knows. >> have you seen evidence that president obama wiretapped trump tower? >> the leading members of the senate intelligence committee had a chance to meet with director comey and released a statement that based on the information they received so far they have seen no evidence of surveillance at trump tower. >> thanks maggie. >>> philadelphia mayor, jim kenney issued a statement on the revised travel ban. that the latest traffic ban would hurt the city's economy and betrayed our country's principals, and i urge the white house to put aside once and for all to stop putting -- you can watch that following "action news" at 6:00. in the meantime, a look at the ride home thursday night. >> at least you are not this guy stuck in the snow on 95 in delco. the chichester overpass, there he is stuck, they are tieing to get him pulled out

ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] with 9 lobster dishes.est is back try succulent new lobster mix & match or see how sweet a lobster lover's dream can be. there's something for everyone and everyone's invited. so come in soon. ♪ ♪ happiness is powerful flea and tick protection from nexgard. nexgard kills fleas and ticks all month long. and it comes in an easy-to-give tasty chew. and that makes dogs and owners happy. no wonder vets love it too. reported side effects include vomiting, itching, diarrhea, lethargy and lack of appetite. see your vet for more information on flea and tick protection you and your dog will love. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) welcome back, everybody. folks here with me now is retired four-star general, former director of the c.i.a. and n.s.a., general michael hayden. thank you so much for being here. now, general, let's get straight to the heat of the meat here. on saturday morning, at 6:35 in the morning the president tweeted that barack obama wiretapped him in trump tower. >> right. >> stephen: is that possible? >> no. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now. okay. >> do you want more? >> stephen: how is that not possible? the united states hasd there are all these russian rumors. >> sure. >> stephen: about the trump campaign. why wouldn't the president do this? >> because in the 1970s, we took the authority to direct that action out of the hands of the president. and we put it in the hands of a federal governmenfederal court e only part of the u.s. government, which has the authority, the only apartment of the u.s. government that can grant the authority to do that is a federal judge, and if i were to want to do that, as director of n.s.a., i'd have to go to the judge, and i'd v haveo prove to a level of probable cause that the intended target of the surveillance was either the agent of a foreign power or was involved in some sormt of criminal activity. >> stephen: so the president said that it happened. >> yes. >> stephen: that he found out that it exphapped that it's terrible and that obama is a bad or a sick guy, and he's called for an investigation. can the president just fiend out for himself that this happened? >> tha

ha, ha, ha. >> the phanatic knows better than to mess with howie kendrick. new guy. i'm treating him the right way. >> that is great. all right from our delaware newsroom tonight a new exhibit brings out your investigate of side. a new sherlock holmes exhibit in wilmington of the most notorious fakes and form forgeries. a knockoff painting so real it was sold to a gallery and fake and real chanel suits and baseball memorabilia said to be autographed by babe ruth and mickey mantle. or were they? . fios is not cable. we're wired differently. maybe that's why we've been ranked highest in customer satisfaction by jd power 4 years in a row. and now you can love fios too. get 150 meg internet, tv and phone. all for $79.99 per month, for the first year with a two-year agreement. it's the only internet with equal upload and download speeds. cable only offers upload speeds that are a fraction of the download speeds. plus get hbo for a year and free multi-room dvr service for two years. and verizon wireless customers can stream tv on the fios mobile app, data-free. get the best. go to getfios.com the uncertainties of hep c. wondering, what if? i let go of all those feelings. because i am cured with harvoni. harvoni is a revolutionary treatment for the most common type of chronic hepatitis c. it's been prescribed to more than a quarter million people. and is proven to cure up to 99% of patients who have had no prior treatment with 12 weeks. certain patients can be cured with just 8 weeks of harvoni. before starting harvoni, your doctor will test to see if you've ever had hepatitis b, which may flare up and cause serious liver problems during and after harvoni treatment. tell your doctor if you've ever had hepatitis b, a liver transplant, other liver or kidney problems, hiv or any other medical conditions and about all the medicines you take including herbal supplements. taking amiodarone with harvoni can cause a serious slowing of your heart rate. common side effects of harvoni include tiredness, headache and weakness. ready to let go of hep c? ask your hep c specialist about harvoni. >>> drone 6 is live over sharrie williams williams house? no this is longwood gardens. an engineering feat to keep it as beautiful as it is. >> it is my backyard. >> i thought it was. >> they have nine miles of fountain pipes and 10,000 gallons of water circulated per minute and hundreds of pumps and nozzles and thousands of lights working together to create the magical displays you see here from drone 6. longwood gardens beautiful any way but seeing it from this vantage point from this time of day. >> all the gardens from the conversetory you see down on the fountains as well. and this time of year everything is starting to perk up and wake up, so to speak. and sometime before -- >> they have nice indoor stuff as well. as you take a look at the sky 6 hd live right now, showing all blue. this is like a wash of blue here from the sky to the delaware river over the commodore barry bridge a barge just went under the bridge you see there on the left part of your screen and what a day it was, and this is the first real day of full sunshine since last thursday. so now that the sun is finally back, i went to my twitter account. i'm on there all the time. i was curious how you take advantage of this day. 21% said exercising outdoors and 57% were stuck in the office and 22% were relaxing in the rays. and those rays warmed us quite a bit. philadelphia 61 and 63 wilmington and 62 millville and dover and upper 50s to the north and west and a bit of a win coming in off the atlantic water especially long beach island the temperature there just 48 degrees but the ocean hasone up to 46 where just a few weeks ago it was 41 degrees. high pressure is in control with the light northerly win and that continues to pull in speeds of 20 to 25 miles per hour earlier but that continues to dwindle and it will be down to 5 to 10 miles per hour overnight but we are tracking another pretty impressive system in the midwest right now, near wichita, that is the senter of the low and east of there is tornado watches popping up south of st. louis and west of memphis and that goes into the ohio valley tomorrow and tonight chilly and winds relaxing 30 to 35 degrees and a bit after i chill with the clear sky and tomorrow high pressure is anchored nearby and it loses its punch and sun in the morning gives way to increasing cloud as head of the system and that works across the area, new low starts to develop along this to our south, that means we are on the cooler side 48 degrees with the raw easterly win and 48 degrees and rain all day not the best of combinations in fact. it

ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. 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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: where you at? where you at? >> stephen: jon, the band we've got on tonight, "the shins" are on the show tonight. >> jon: yeah, th yeah, "the shi" nice! >> stephen: they are giving away their tour van, this thing right here. >> jon: whoa! >> stephen: do we have a shot of this thing parked outside? it's literally parked outside of the theater right now. this is the band nay toured with for years. it's been super charged and souped up and they're giving her away. stick around after the show. you can find out how you can win "the shins" van. >> jon: i've seen way worse vans. >> stephen: that's a great ad for a car, you've seen worse. >> jon: i've seen worse! >> stephen: right. speaking of things you've seen worse -- some of trump's friends may be in trouble. ( laughter ) this time it's former campaign advisor and maitre d' at a gangster-themed restaurant, roger stone. he's a big buddy of donald trump. during the election, stone was accused of having ties to the russian hackers who broke into the dnc. but just last week, when asked what contact he had with russians, stone said -- "none. nada. zilch. i am not in touch with any russians. don't have a russian girlfriend, don't like russian dressing and have stopped drinking russian vodka." ( laughter ) >> stephen: "i threw out all my russian nesting dolls, i quit my russian roulette league, and i even walk really slowly so that nobody can say i'm rushin'!" ( laughter ) of course, so no russian! nothing russian at all! of course, we all know what happens when a trump adviser denies contact with suspected russian hackers -- they later admit they had contact with suspected russian hackers. and this isn't just any hacker. it's the one is believed by u.s. officials to be linked to russia and goes by the name guccifer 2.0. and was believed to have hacked d.n.c. e-mails. ( audience reacts ) yesterday, stone confirmed that he and guccifer had a private twitter conversation and released a screenshot in which guccifer told stone "i'm pleased to say that u r great man. please tell me if i can help u anyhow. it would be a great pleasure to me." yeah, is there anything i can do to help? maybe pick up your dry cleaning, or, hey, any elections you need rigged? ( laughter ) but stone had a perfectly good explanation for why he didn't mention his direct contact with one of the world's most notorious hackers, telling the washington times, "it was so perfunctory, brief and banal, i had forgotten it." ( laughter ) which is exactly the same thing my college girlfriend said. ( laughter ) ( applause ) to clear this up, we managed to secure an exclusive interview. please welcome live via satellite, the hacker himself, guccifer 2.0. thank you for joining us, mr. 2.0. ( cheers and applause ) >> it is great pleasure to me, stephen. you look so much different in person than in private photos i find on your computer. >> stephen: let's talk about your relationship with trump adviser roger stone. >> yes, i love roger! i call him "stoney the tiger" because he's grrrrrrreat man! >> stephen: really? because he said his contact with you was "banal" and "perfunctory." >> well, i'm sure "perfunctory" is good! is "funky", like american hip-hop. >> stephen: no, he denies having any real relationship with you. >> well, okay. is not important to me either. i dm with many decaying and beautiful old men ... oh, who am i kidding? i miss him so much! i may be most dangerous hacker in the world, but the stone-man breached the firewall... to my heart. ( laughter ) who knew that colluding to throw election for paranoid reality tv star could have such bad result! >> stephen: guccifer, i'm so sorry. >> he promised me he'd help raise little guccifer 3.0! ( laughter ) don't worry, goosey-3, papa will be home soon! >> stephen: guccifer 2.0, everyone... we'll be right back with ewan mcgregor. 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(cat meows) ♪ (snap) ♪ (cat meows) sheba® perfect portions™. what cats want™ you didn't know we had over 26,000 local activities listed on our app. or that you could book them right from your phone. a few weeks ago, you still didn't know if you were gonna go. now the only thing you don't know, is why it took you so long to come here. expedia. everything in one place, so you can travel the world better. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ hey goodlookin' >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight currently stars as an endearing candlestick in "beauty and the beast" and an endearing drug addict in "t2 trainspotting." ♪ ♪ >> go, go, go! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: please welcome ewan mcgregor! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> that was nice. where are we? >> stephen: we're in the ed sullivan theater right now. >> i don't know that i've ever been in here. >> stephen: never been in here? >> no. >> stephen: you didn't come here when dave was here? >> i never looked up if i did. i don't think so. >> stephen: we changed the ceiling. >> well, in that case, maybe i have. ( laughter ) i love what you've done with the place. >> stephen: thank you very much. we kept it as cold as we used to. >> that does remind me of dave's studio. >> stephen: as i said in the intro, you are playing a talking candle stick. >> yep. >> stephen: and a 40-year-old heroin addict in these two different films. which one of these things is more believable? ( laughter ) because the idea that any of the guys from "train spotting" are alive is pretty crazy. >> i don't know. i think it's quite a stretch to believe me as a candlestick. i don't know. >> stephen: oh, i totally buy you as a candlestick. >> the truth is, rant cleaned up his act over the years. a lot of people clean up after heroin and get over it. >> stephen: those guys are living a pretty rough life there. the fact you people in t2 have all your teeth is surprising. ( laughter ) >> i don't think bobby hasht, "beauty and the beast," you play a candlestick. how does one prepare as an actor, how does one do a ride along as a candlestick? >> months and months of research. i don't know really know. the funny thing about it is i sort of just swanned into it without much thought. it was a mistake, as it turned out. ( laughter ) because i have been living with a beautiful french woman for 23, -5, -4 years, and i thought i could do the french accent, with bull i couldn't do it. >> stephen: you did the french accent as lumier and you couldn't do it? >> it was a bit south of the border. >> stephen: you were a bit mexican? we don't need no steenking beast! ( laughter ) >> we are guests! we are guests! s-- ( laughter ) >> we recorded it because i'm a candlestick. we got there before shooting, recorded all the dialogue, and what we recorded was going to be played back on set for the amazing actors to listen to. and i left going, oh, no, they're just going to be listening. >> stephen: is this just in

ha-ha-ha., t's try it. go ahead. >> will you let me? let's do it. >> no! let's do it. >> no! you get used to food odors in your car. you think it bell dinging new febreze car with odorclear technology cleans away odors... smells nice.., with new febreze. ...studying to be a dentist and she gave me advice. she said dad... ... go pro with crest pro-health. 4 out of 5 dentists confirm these crest pro-health products...aa professional clean. crest pro-health... ...really brought my mouth... ...to the next level. go pro with crest pro-health the in-laws have moved in with . ♪ when ♪ when there's no one around >> so here was the origina creepy clown who inspired the creepy clown sightings around >> reporter: it hasement or fear that was it? b. little bit scary. >> sorry, guys, two packs a day. election. the first hearingid to spread dt

ha,ha,ha.ng of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. [heart monitor beeping] ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) folks, i'm excited. my first guest tonight is an emmy award winning journalist and host of "anderson cooper 360." please welcome back to the show, anderson cooper! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) all right. so, anderson, hi, good to see you again. >> hello. al p. >> stephen: we have to follow the stories any way we can. >> you guise are doing real news. >> stephen: thank you very much. did you see real news tonight? don't try to steal them for cnn. you guys are the fake news. >> the original fake news, according to the president. >> stephen: we'll get to that in just a moment and your fakeness. but house of your weekend? >> my weekend, you know, it was fine. it was weird, though. the president started tweeting at $650 s

he has blood on his hands, and he allegedly has killed forgetting. he has blood on his hands, 1 he he allegedly has from has killed forgetting. he has blood on his hands, 1 he turned from government to people. he turned from government to peacemaker, iii martin mcguinness ,,,i.i,....eqi.i.iq.. apologised for the ira's never apologised for the ira's attempt to assassinate prime minister margaret thatcher in brighton. many will nevgr forgive the death and carnage. him for the death and carnage. i ii peer lord dobbs was at conservative peer lord dobbs was at the grand hotel that terrible the grand hotelthstttmible! morning. i can't forget. can i forgive? well, it doesn't matter whether i can forgive or not, what matters is what is going on in northern ireland today, and that is excellent and we must never take that for granted and believe that the old times couldn't come back. we have is a very precious what we have is a very precious jewel of peace. it shouldn't have happened. in 2001, michael mcguinness went to warrington, where an ira bomb had h‘? mcguinness went to warrington, where an ira bomb ha

ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] carlos! carlos! dr. brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) folks, i'm excited. my first guest tonight is an emmy award winning journalist and host of "anderson cooper 360." please welcome back to the show, anderson cooper! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) all right. so, anderson, hi, good to see you again. >> hello. always nice to follow a rain of p. >> stephen: we have to follow the stories any way we can. >> you guise are doing real news. >> stephen: thank you very much. did you see real news tonight? don't try to steal them for cnn. you guys are the fake news. >> the original fake news, according to the president. >> stephen: we'll get to that in just a moment and your fakeness. but house of your weekend? >> my weekend, you know, it was fine. it was weird, though. the president started tweeting at $650 something, a.m. >> stephen: 6:35. yeah. ( laughter ) i had flown to phoenix, and i have actually muted the president on twitter. >> stephen: you can do that? yeah. you know when you get annoying people tweeting you, you don't want to delete because that tells them you deleted them. if you just mute them, they think you're still following them and you don't actually see their tweets. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: then the tweets can get backed up and you get an infection. ( laughter ) so, you muted him. >> i muted him. i go to phoenix. i was spending all weekend working on this story. i wasn't aware of all that was going on. i get back sunday and finally turn on my phone again and i'm like, what the -- what?! what?! and arnold schwarzenegger, too? ( laughter ) >> stephen: i just want to point out you are a real news man. i watch you every night. i believe your work. i believe you report the news in a very fair way and accurately, and you just said that you mute the president of the united states. ( cheers and applause ) what he says, which leads to my next question -- >> i mean, look, i have people following him so they tell me -- i just don't want to have that drama in my life. >> stephen: that drama! you have to accept that he's president. >> of course, i do. i have great respect for the president, i just don't need to follow him on twitter. >> stephen: you wouldn't have muted ike. >> listen, i have friends with main. i can't i don't want them to have my private line and be able to call me. i don't want the ups and downs in my life. i want to be callum. >> stephen: i don't think i have that. >> no one actually does have it. >> stephen: so how do you as newsman, a correspondent for "60 minutes," as it were -- had the to throw "60 minutes" in there. you can't just say i was in phoenix. i was in phoenix for "60 minutes." yeah. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how do you judge on what to report on? there is more basis to the schwarzenegger tweet than the obama tweet, why isn't the schwarzenegger bigger news? >> i guess his ratings were not as big as donald trump's were. >> stephen: grea sad end to a gt show. >> saddish sad. ( laughter ) the reporting on the tweets, i think it's a large distraction, i think that's clearly part of what he was doing. >> stephen: is it pure distraction? >> no, it's like a seismograph, this is like a real-time seismograph of the inner workings of the president's head and it's fascinating. an emotional size mo grasp. he's like a live wire of emotion. we had to wait for decades to hear nixon on tapes. we hear donald trump realtime. usually people try to keep the president cloistered and not before the public at all times. he breaks through. >> stephen: whoever pries the the phone out of his hands takes saturday off. >> the "the washington post" wrote an article you quoted at the beginning of the show and part that i found funny is you quoted a part where the president said afterward he felt better later on in the day. it actually talked about him need ago release. he gets angry, it builds up, needs a release, feels better, then gets angry, then needs a release -- there are many other forms of release. >> stephen: doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs. >> yeah, well, there are things you can do. >> stephen: i wouldn't know, anderson. hands are too small. ( laughter ) let's get to the fake news thing. say what you will about cnn, over the years, it's not like you were raving ideallogs over there. >> we're fair and accurate. >> stephen: balanced? i believe that's trademarked. >> stephen: are you surprised you guys are the bad guys as opposed to msnbc? >> the thing, is donald trump watches cnn, which is why he talks about it so much because he actually watches it and even when he's railing against it, he's watching it. i've had him watch my show and tweet about people i'm interviewing while i'm interviewing him. oh, that guy is a joke anderson cooper is interviewing, what a waste. things like that while you're interviewing. >> stephen: surprised he said that. i've never been on your show. ( laughter ) ( applause )3 you know, what about -- does that change the way you report your show, knowing the president is watching you guys at cnn, do you try to get a rise out of him? >> no, you do your job. you want to be tough and -- i mean, look, i didn't have a great relationship with the obama white house. i used to interview president obama on the campaign trail, before he became president. i spent two months in new orleans doing the b.p. oil spill, and the white house stopped talking to me for years. so i didn't have great relationship, i didn't veally have any relationship. i also don't want to have a relationship with these people. i interviewed kellyanne conway a couple of weeks ago. probably maybe my last interview with her ever, i don't know. ( cheers and applause ) no, i'm not saying anything bad about her, i'm just saying i haven't interviewed her sense. it was supposed to be a 12 minute interview and ended up being 26 minutes. at one point in the interview, she said to me, we may have to re-think the relationship we have. i was, like, we don't have a relationship. i respect you and stuff, but i don't want to have a relationship with you. i don't want to be friends. i don't want to hang out. i don't believe reporters should be going to parties at the white house. >> stephen: what about the correspondents dinner? >> i went once, i'll never go again. >> stephen: when? when i first got to cnn. you know. >> stephen: i think it's great. it was a wonderful night, people ready to laugh. >> right, exactly. that's the thing. for comedians, it's got to be awful. it's like the worst bar mitzvah party you have been so and there is tough to get so you have to wait to get into the party. >> stephen: let's break real news here. you tweeted this -- this is where were you and why wasn't i invited? >> i instagramed this observe my vacation. i was in myanmar at an elephant sanctuary. it was my vladimir putin moment. i was washing an old elephant. >> stephen: exactly. putin's only on a horse. you're on an elephant. >> i wanted to one-up putin. it was an elephant sanctuary. it was elephants who have been abused in the timber trade their whole lives. you get to eat them and -- not eat them -- you get to feed them. ( laughter ) >> stephen: we just made some news. anderson, thank you so much for being here. "anderson cooper 360" airs week nights on cnn! back with judd apatow! stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) does your makeup remover every kiss-proof,ff? cry-proof, stay-proof look? neutrogena® makeup remover does. it erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. need any more proof than that? neutrogena. adios, honey, hasta la vista, baby. 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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest wrote and directed "the 40-year-old virgin" and "knocked up." he's now executive producing pretty much everything on tv, including netflix's "love." >> how often do you think that happens -- like, really happens? >> women marrying old help for money? >> yeah. every 15 seconds. no! mmm, you think jerry hall married rupert murdoch because she loves him? >> yeah, i believe she loves him. >> he's living on borrowed time and she knows him. >> he's probably a cool guy, smart, charming, witty. >> you're making a pro rupert murdoch argument now. >> if rupert murdoch didn't exist, there wouldn't be "the simpsons." >> i'm willing to live with that. >> stephen: please welcome judd apatow! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) hello, judd apatow. >> good to be here. >> stephen: how are you? i don't know, how do you feel about the suit? >> stephen: very nice. ( cheers and applause ) do you normally not suit it up? >> i can't tell what this says about me. who am i? >> stephen: well, the spread collar and the half windsor usually says english to me. >> yes. >> stephen: the spread collar says english. >> i said, could you give mo mea jew knot. >> stephen: really? i'm not english! ( laughter ) >> stephen: did someone tie it for you. >> i guess they did. it's a whole new knot. >> stephen: do you have a valet back stage? >> it's one of your people. >> stephen: why wouldn't you have a team? you look fantastic. this is lovely material. >> i'm all about the fangs. you know me. >> stephen: you know who looks lovely in a suit is anderson cooper. did you see him backstage? >> i did. he interviewed me for "60 minutes." it hurt me. >> stephen: why did it hurt you? that's an honor. >> it was. but i felt like it was my moment. i thought, i'll interview you in your diner, and the people would be honored to meet, anderson cooper! lte go to your high school! >> stephen: he's very shiny. the silver surfer. ( laughter ) you have a long-standing love of late night. >> yes. >> stephen: this is the third time you have been here in a month i had your lovely wife on. and pete. >> yes. >> stephen: and you're here both times and now you're here. do you just love being at the shows? >> i love lurking around here. >> stephen: this is a nice place to lurk. not every showhouse a real backstage. they have a alway but this is a theater, we actually have a backstage. >> it's friendly here. >> stephen: oh, that's nice. i was a comedy nerd. you have the dream of hanging out backstage when you were a kid. >> stephen: oh, yeah. o i actually do it. i've made it enough to hang out backstage at "the late show" and eat your muffins by melissa or whatever. you have so much unhealthy food there. >> stephen: i think it's carol. >> if i said it right, i would have gotten free crap. damn it! >> stephen: now, you -- i was watching the oscars a couple of weeks ago and the camera was constantly shooting to you and your lovely wife. >> and they're right up on your face. when you see people in the oscars reacting they know they're on camera because there is someone right there so the whole show you have to be like -- you have to look like you care about everybody. >> stephen: you do, though. i don't. i hadn't seen every movies and i was surrounded by everybody who was up for everything and i was, like, you did great work this year. >> stephen: did you get any of the candy? >> i did not, which i was furious about. >> stephen: you were there. yeah. >> stephen: what was it like to be in the room for moonlight-gate? what was the vibe? >> i could tell you the vibe at the parking valet because i left. >> stephen: before best movie? i'm all about missing the traffic in every situation. ( cheers and applause ) you know? >> stephen: that's fair enough. >> if pop star is not up for best picture i'm leaving for the parking valet. i'm leaving early for the super bowl. i'll leave "hamilton" early. i don't care. >> stephen: he dice. i don't want to ruin anything for you. >> spoiler! >> stephen: you have two lovely daughters. >> i do. >> stephen: are you one of the cool dads who bring you to the fancy things? >> no. >> stephen: i do. my ten-year-old went to the emmys. he said to me on the red carpet, you didn't tell me it was fun! >> he thought it was fun! >> stephen: he thought it was totally fun. ten is the top that you can be and still think it's fun. >> my kids don't like anything. they're not interested. >> stephen: with you or anything? >> this is how spoiled my kids are. they met taylor swift three times. i'll take them to taylor swift concerts, try to pull favor, and i hold it over their heads. if they give me a hard time, i tell them, you be quiet! you met taylor swift three times! if you give me any trouble, you cannot meet tammy and i will downgrade that to a megan traynor right now! >> stephen: they are lovely, talented women, weld on the sw at anytime. >> it's more about the funny sounding name. >> stephen: the cool dad. i took my daughter to the grammys when she was 14. i was cool for 24 hours. >> my daughter who is 14, i drive her too school, she looks out the window, won't talk, puts the music on. i try to talk to her. i'm, like, hey, what's going on in school today? she's, like, dad! you know it's my pet peeve to talk when the music's on. >> stephen: are the others nice to you. >> they have a special connection being a female. i live with three wernlings which is three ages of the same woman, right? so they talk about, you know, curling their hair and they have all these things in common, thousand deal with their eyebrows and stuff. i always try to get in it but i can't because i'm a man and i'm, like, is it okay to pop a zit on a testicle? ( laughter ) i'm trying to connect! >> stephen: and you say they don't want you to talk to them! ( laughter ) well, while we've got you here, is there anything else you do? you do every project in the world. anything else you want to plug while you're here? >> i don't think i have any plugs. >> stephen: you got girls, you got crashing, love, movie? >> "the big sick." >> stephen: you have a show. tandup in the ryman auditorium. >> stephen: how come i know your career better than you. >> i'm at largo 21. >> stephen: okay, that's enough. judd apatow, everybody! back with jidenna! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) this is lynchburg. a small town in the heart of tennessee. where families and neighbors work together to make every drop of our whiskey. if you can't get here, just look for one of our postcards. we send them all over. they look like this. we send them all over. 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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is a golden globe-winning actor best known for his work on "glee" and captain of the "starship enterprise." please welcome chris colfer. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: okay, now, everybody knows you as c time? the voice of an angel. why aren't you singing all the time? >> oh, thank you! i guess i didn't really think i had a good voice because i think on the show, like my characters always made fun of the singing and had to compete with really powerful female performers. so i guess i got a little subconscious and i thought i'm not that great of a singer is there's always been a joke made about it. >> stephen: your voice is like a silver bell. >> thank you! i'll take it, thank you. >> stephen: okay. >> i've gotten a lot worse. >> stephen: i understand-- is it like a muscle? i like to sing but i'm not a singer? is it a muscle like you lose it if you don't do it for a while? >> not really, because i'm always singing in the shower to my golden restreefary dismay. >> stephen: is the golden retriever in the shower with you? >> no, no-- well, sometimes, sometimes i get-- yeah, sometimes i miss him just too much. >> stephen: now, i understand that you were hesitant to take want part originally on "glee." why were you hesitant to do that? >> it's so crazy to think about, like, 2008, is when i got cast and i had just graduated high school and what a different world it was -- >> stephen: you had just graduated from high school? >> yes, i graduated in june, and i joined the show in september. >> stephen: that's crazy. a show about high school kids that had people high school age. that's unprecedented. >> i know, right. the rest of them were, like, 30. ( laughter ) i know. so it was-- you know, my talent was very, very conservative. so, you know, like playing an openly gay character was a little-- a little terrifying for me. >> stephen: wow. >> and, also, i was in college at the time so i had to drop out after my first two weeks. >> stephen: oh, wow, oh, wow. but it worked out. >> it worked out. >> stephen: over-rated. >> i think i made the right choice. >> stephen: well, you're also an author. you can a new book called "stranger than fanfiction." and have you written fair long time? >> i've been writing since i was a little kid, before i even knew what writing really was. >> stephen: that's impossible. ( laughter ). >> yeah -- >> stephen: i was going to say that's hard. it's actually impossible. >> i'm sorry, before i knew what good writing was. >> stephen: okay. how did you get started? who did you write for? >> my action figures, actually. i had a few of patrick stewart. >> stephen: oh, really? >> yeah. >> stephen: as jean luke piccard. >> i used to make up stories for my action figures and at the end write a list of characters "professor x.as old man." sorry, patrick. ( laughter ). >> stephen: well, now, i understand your grsms your first editor. >> she was. >> stephen: is that because you know she would, like, go easy ow? it's a bit of a cop-out. editors have to be tough. >> she-- this is my 11th book, and my grandmother still-- the the toughest editor i ever had to work with in my life. >> stephen: you would write stars a child and say, "grandma, would you look at this?" >> yeah, and they were short, no more than two pages long, and i brought them to grandmother's house and she liked them, she kept it dismaik if she didn't she's crumb pel it up and throw it away. >> stephen: in front of you? >> in front of me. she'd said, "you can do better." >> stephen: is that why this is available in hardcover, so she can't crumple. >> yes. >> stephen: what other books have you written? >> i have one called "the land of stories." it's like catnip with kids. and another novel "struck by lightning," which is also a movie. and i have-- i'm at the age i have to have, like, a list because i can't remember. >> stephen: that's perfectly fine. i'm an adult, and i'm younger than some adults. tell me about "stranger than fanfiction." fanfiction-- there might be people who don't know what that is. people write about famous people or they write about storylines that already exist out in tv or movies burnght they write their own versions of them. >> yes. >> and waited enemy the release of this book to let people know this, but i was actually an avid fanfiction writer when i was a kid. >> stephen: who did you write? >> i wrote a screenplay for "zina warrior princess" movie. i wrote-- i adapted "wicked" the musical, into a screenplay. and i wrote "candyland, the musical." >> stephen: the children's board game candyland?" >> children's board game. >> stephen: what happens? >> oh, this is really dark. okay, okay, so i-- i was, like, 12, so forgive me. but i looked up somewhere that-- on wikipedia or? >>, that candyland had been invented for kids with polo. so i made a musical about qidz polo. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i hesitate to ask what the dance numbers were like. ( laughter ). >> well i didn't-- i didn't exactly know what polo was at the time. i just thought it was, like, a cough. ( laughter ). >> stephen: you didn't know what polo was, and you were not aware that writing existed? >> no. >> stephen: do you have people write fanfiction about you? >> oh, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: have you read it? >> i never go looking for it. it always finds its way to me. but what i really-- i say-- it's always very-- it's like "50 shades of colfer" sometimes. i'm really very touched that everyone describes me with abs. >> stephen: i have never had the honor. >> it's great. >> stephen: chris, lovely to meet you. thank you for being here. >> stephen: book number 11, "stranger than fanfiction," is available now. chris colfer, everybody. we'll be right back with roy wood, jr. stick around. store and download it. now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. word? word. word! yeah, word. wooooorrrddd. first thblades.shaving. sharp and precise. then gillette shielding. comfy lubrication before and after. and also cooling. oooh. i got goosebumps. gillette proshield chill with lubrication before and after the blades. shields and cools while you shave. proshield chill from gillette. the best a man can get. proshield. available with or without chill. and you have to run to the printer before anyone else does. don't print. with ipad pro and apple pencil, you can just sign and send off that secret new job offer. what new job?! i'm not looking for a new job! i'm very happy here! ♪ ♪ ,,,,,,,, ( band playing ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, everybody. such lovely people. so generous. my next guest is a comedian, an actor, "daily show" correspondent and captain of the "starship enterprise." please welcome roy wood, jr! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> yeah! stephen colbert. >> stephen: hol hello. >> how are you doing sir? >> stephen: happy black history month one day late. i apologize. i should have had calls. >> i appreciate it. it's african american history month. >> stephen: is it? i didn't know it officially changed. >> some white dude told us what we should dahl it now. >> stephen: good, good. speaking of white dudes, did you see donald trump's speech last night? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> stephen: what did you-- what did you-- >> he was up there. you know, he was talking. it was english. he spoke english. >> stephen: he was, yeah. >> i'm very concerned, because, as a minority, as a black person, when i look at what's happened with this administration towards other minorities, up until this point, it makes me nervous because i know we next, you know. black people at some point, we are on the list. and you see what's happening with planned parenthood and women and see what's happening with the muslim ban and the trans community. it's like walking into the house and seeing your sibling getting a whooping and you know you next. it's nerve-racking. >> stephen: what do you do, go back up on the the door? >> yeah. you walk in the house and you see the muslims laying over trump's lap. black people come here! no! go upstairs and get my stop and frisk. no, obama said we didn't have to stop and frisk. ( cheers and applause ) that's what it feels like. >> stephen: yeah. >> and it just-- it makes me scared because black history month, all you saw was trump taking pictures with all of these affluent black people, and you have to be leery of someone who says that he wants to give your group rights while at the same time denying rights of other people. sooner or later, that snake is going to bite you, too. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: well, he says-- donald trump says-- he says he haship with the african american community. he said-- i want to get this correctly-- he said, "the blacks love me." ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's what he said. that's not me. >> i know what he said. >> stephen: do you want to fact check him on that one? >> he should ask more blacks. ( laughter ). >> stephen: another now, listen, we have something in common. you're a "daily show" correspondent. i was proudly a "daily show" "dr many years. >> paved the way. >> stephen: i was in there at the beginning. you go on the road and do these field pieces out there. how is your soul doing? because you go out there, and you talk to the lovely people out there, who perhaps have different world views than you do. >> uh-huh. >> stephen: and you have to come back with the comedy and edit it and people get mad at you. >> people get very mad and very fast-- i have not been sued personally. >> stephen: you just wait. >> they want to sue me, i tell them i'm on "the lat "the late h stephen colbertment. that