ha ha ha ha ha ha! have a sneeze on me, batman! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! no use, joker. i knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so i took an anti-allergy pill. instead of a sneeze, i've caught you cold! that's what easy living gets you, kids. stick to your books... well, i guess it's "goodbye," susie. goodbye, dick. i give you my word -- i'll mail you all the new cheers as soon as they're made up. you can practice them while you're...away. gosh. what's the matter? you've all been so nice to me. i can hardly bear it. heck, susie, it wasn't all your fault. i mean, with your unhappy childhood and a broken home and everything, it's time, susie. the chauffeur is waiting. gee...imagine being taken to jail by a chauffeur. dly a jail, susie. the wayne foundation for delinquent girls heck, no. there are teams and clubs and everything. i don't know what to say to you both. thanks, dick. you're w wcome, susie. i'll have nightmares all my life, mr. wayne. if it hadn't beenn for that power failure, ulrobin be? and where would batman be? where would dick grayson be? huh? don't think

ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! cowards! lieutenant brent, relieve miss uhura. brent: yes, sir. kirk: what were their symptoms? spock: nonviolent at this stage, slightly disoriented. riley seemed rather pleased with himself, as if he were-- irrational... or drugged. precisely. security, lieutenant uhura. yes, sir. both sulu and riley. locate and confine. i want every crewman who comes in contact with them medically checked. sir, level two, corridor three reports a disturbance! mr. sulu chasing crewmen..... put security on it. fascinating. a pattern is developing. e. then riley, who fancies himself a descendant of irish kings. and now sulu, who is at heart a swashbuckler out of your 18th century. kirk: present condition of psi 2000? spock: gravity pull increasing. we've shifted 2% and should stabilize our position. kirk: helmsman, stabilize position. helm is not answering to control. warp us out of here. no response from e eines, sir. impulse power, then. blast us out of this orbit. impulse engines also dead, sir. wer! mr. scott! acknowledge! our cocorols are dead. take her. rich

ha, ha, ha ha ha. hysterical. you know, colbert will have a lot more after the 3rd presidential debate. it's tonight in las vegas. the odds makers are advantage. according to then seen of america's lying.com. hillary clinton is a favorite to win. odds 1-5 donald trump's are 9-2 and whether or not hillary clinton takes drug test if donald trump will walk out if he gets a tough question or whether he will show up at all. we'll see what happens tonight. this is "early today." "early to" d needs a stable foundation. ds our custom fit orthotic to stabilize your foundation and relieve lower-back, knee or foot pain from being on your feet. find your nearest kiosk at drscholls.com. also available from dr. scholl's: heavy duty support for lower back pain, lightens the impact

ha, ha, ha ha ha. hysterical. you know, colbert will have a lot more after the 3rd presidential debate. it's tonight in las vegas. the odds m advantage. according to then seen of america's lying.com. hillary clinton is a favorite to win. odds 1-5 donald trump's are 9-2 and whether or not hillary clinton takes drug test if donald trump will walk out if he gets a tough question or whether he will show up at all. we'll see what happens tonight. this is "early today." anything d needs a stable foundation. and recommends our custom fit orthotic to stabilize your foundation and relieve lower-back, knee or foot pain from being on your feet. find your nearest kiosk at drscholls.com. also available from dr. scholl's: heavy duty support for lower back pain, lightens the impact continuing to burn right now near westcliff . as of this morning-- the 16 thousand acre wildfire is zero percent contained and crews say it's claimed 5 homes and 15 other structures. we're told a type one federal firefighting ground crew will take ove

ha, ha, ha ha ha. hysterical. you know, colbert will have a presidential debate. it's tonight in las vegas. the odds makers are taking advantage. according to then seen of america's lying.com. hillary clinton is a favorite to win. odds 1-5 donald trump's are 9-2 and whether or not hillary clinton takes drug test if donald trump will walk out if he gets a tough question or whether he will show up at all. we'll see what happens tonight. this is "early today." "early to" the dr. scholl's kiosk maps your feet and recommends our custom fit orthotic to stabilize your foundation and relieve lower-back, knee or foot pain from being on your feet. find your nearest kiosk at drscholls.com. also available from dr. scholl's: heavy duty support for lower back pain, lightens the impact >> welcome back to "early today." the travel forecast has one more last day of record heats from the big cities from d.c. to southern nuvenlgd have south. watch out for rainy weather in pennsylvania and new york. >>> moments ago, a soyuz spacecraft took off beginning a two-day journey. it's carryin

ha ha ha ha. great game! oh, yeah. jimmy played pretty good. hey, you know, i felt like we had a synergy out there. you know, like we were helping each other. what you got there?

ha ha ha ha. great game! oh, yeah. jimmy played pretty good. hey, you know, i felt like we had a synergy out there. you know, like we were helping each other. what you got there?

(both) ha ha ha ha what the... not again. larry, hold on. kenmore!! eliminate nasty stains quickly with the new kenmore elite washing machine with accela-wash. exclusively at sears.

ha-ha-ha-ha haunted hayride haunted hayride ? ? pumpkin spice latte pumpkin spice latte yeah ? ? pumpkin spice latte yeah ? >> by the way, first i was like, who's that with barry gibb. >> there's nothing jimmy can't do. >> i loved the electric company. memories. >> i missed -- what was i doing my entire life? >> you were working. >> i guess so. >> is your childhood home, the home you grew up, in still standing? >> it is still standing. not that old. it's not in the original form. it's much nicer home now than the one i grew up in. >> so they added on? >> they did all the things my mother and father would have loved to have done but couldn't afford so it's lovely now. >> what town? >> in buoy, maryland. i don't think the one in annapolis maryland where we lived before is still there. >> we grew up in morgantown, west virginia. i remember dogwood avenue was our street. >> going up to the house, when you're a kid, it's like the most magical place. when you go as an adult, it's so funny how things change and everything seems smaller. i still remember scrambling up into my bedroom i shared with my sister and all those cool things. gwen stefani went to see her childhood home in anaheim, california. she posted the picture on snapchat. she wrote this, i'm at my house that i grew up at. there's my bedroom over there. >> how sweet is that? >> it's the one year anniversary i guess of blake and gwen. and so they sort of celebrated with her children and went to disneyland. >> how sweet are they, by the way, her kids? what a blast. gwen told "people" magazine even though this past year was challenging, it was one of the favorite things that has ever happened to her. congrats to those two. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> hoda doesn't mean that. she's being insincere. >> i was trying to be nice. we were talking about wedding gowns and do you remember sarah jessica parker when she got married, she wore the black wedding gown? got married in 1987 and she recently said now she regrets the choice and if she had that one to do over, she would do it differently. you know what they should do on one of their big anniversaries is just do it again and let her wear the dress she wished she'd worn. that would be fun. just create a whole new wedding picture too. >> that's a great one. >> remember the dress from "sex and the city," too? i loved that dress. >> i didn't like the hat. >> let's talk about unconventional bridal gowns. it was bridal fashion week in new york. some are interesting. this is one. it's a see-through. >> but it's pretty. >> wow, it's all the way see through, huh? i mean, like a body suit under. >> yeah. >> okay, this next one

ha ha ha ha! ? i could feel in my bones something wasn't quite right ? ? i walked downstairs and i opened the door ? ? and what i saw set me jaw to the floor ? ? at first i was scared ? ? then i started to giggle ? ? 'cause i saw dragla do the halloween wiggle ? ? this ain't ya daddy's monster mash. the jewel, the jewel ? ? the graveyard smash. i'm about to find out if you're a treat or ? spread your cobwebs, arch your back and i'll stick my hand down your candy sack ? ? halloween might you bite on your pillow like it's a marshmallow ? ? listen up close ? ? there is a creepy wiggle i dig the most ? ? stretch your back wings, make them clap and don't forget to do the skeleton clap ? ? haunt you so hard with my unwrapped snickers. stick my face in a candy bar ? ? turn you around, lick your hershey ? ? fun, if you bring your gang ? ? be ware of casper and his spooky chain ? ? keep your eyes peeled for ghouls and ghost ? ? halloween's a treat and i dig it the most ? ? take it to the ? gonna give you a treat because you're my trait ? ? you dress as a witch ? ? i'll provide the broomstick ? ? trick or treating is about as much as fun as you can get ? ? i whip out my monster (bleep) ? ? and we're still wiggling, the halloween wiggle ? ? make the candy apples jiggle talking about fruit ? ? but now the party's over and it's time to scoot ? ? so go home guys ? ? put some candles on ? ? and jack your lantern till the break of dawn ? >> kids are washing. he said hershey (bleep). you said hershey (bleep). you're laughing about it. ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you run the ? ( cheers and applause ) i was out here smoking instead of being there for my son's winning shot. that was it for me. that's why i'm quitting with nicorette. only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. it starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. every great why initiating retrieval sequence. activating thrusters. target acquired. dang it! ah! come on! astronauts can vote from space. take a break from the election with red or blue tea. make time for snapple. ? ? ? i am benedict arnold, the infamous traitor. and i know a thing or two about trading. so i trade with e*trade, where true traders trade on a trademarked trade platform that has all the... get off the computer traitor! i won't. emerge restored. fortified. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. fios is not cable. we're wired differently. so we wired the wagner's house with 100 meg internet. which means in the time it takes mr. wagner to pour a 20 oz. cup of coffee, only fios lets you upload as fast as you can download. this is your last chance to go onl

ha ha, ha ha! go, cubs, go, and all ozmalor! >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen! tonight, stephen welcomes tom hanks! adam conover! featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: grand slam! ( cheers and applause ) ? hey! welcome to "the late show." so glad you're here. i'm your host stephen colbert. i am in a fantastic mood tonight because the chicago cubs are goto (audience reacts) that's right. the world cup of baseball! and the cubs are playing another lovable loser, the cleveland indians. the two teams have a combined 176 years without a championship. to put that in perspective, that is almost as long as a ( piano riff ) the last time the cubs were in the world series was in 1945, way back when they played hitler. ( laughter ) yeah. yeah. yeah. ( applause ) pretty good in the early game. then he popped out in the ninth inning, and that's how america won world war ii. that's true, won't find that in the history book, though. >> jon: that's right, no. >> stephen: cleveland, on the other hand, hasn't a 1948, back when their mascot was the least racist thing in america. chief wahoo. ( laughter ) golden age. speaking of single-minded, century-long quests for victory at all costs, hillary clinton's in the news. ( laughter ) been a long time coming. been very patient. she's been very patient. ( applause ) as a native chicagoan, she's a in fact, this picture of her reacting to the cubs win went viral over the weekend. she hasn't been this excited since that time she saw shiny balloons. ( laughter ) it's a feel-good story-- a chicagoan is excited about the cubs win, is what hillary clinton wants you to believe! ( laughter ) because back in 2000, she wore a yankees cap! yeah! yeah! ( audience booing ) it's a baseball fandom scandal i'm calling, yank-ghazi! ? yeah. i was afraid the graphic wasn't coming up. ( laughter ) and this time, i'm not alone because the media has been digging into it. cnn is reporting that even though clinton "may have gone to cubs games with her father as a and around the same time she ran for senate in new york, the former first lady touted her her love for the new york yankees." how convenient. as a ten year-old she wears a cubs hat. a mere 40 years later, she's in a yankees hat. is there no hat she won't wear? okay, there's one. ( cheers and applause ) so let's keep a close eye on her duri t we know she won't be rooting for the yankees because they already lost. at this point, that's like voting for trump. ( cheering ) but no matter what happens to the cubs, hillary clinton is already the winner, because she's decided to stop talking about donald trump, explaining, "i debated him for four and a half hours. i don't even think about yes, hillary says she's not giving any thought to what trump says. so that makes both of them. ( laughter ) ( applause ) trump clearly feeds on attention, so by denying it, we can starve him. so

ha-ha-ha-ha haunted hayride haunted hayride ? ? pumpkin spice latte pumpkin spice latte yeah ? ? pumpkin spice latte ? happy halloween ? >> so talented. >> by the way, first i was like, who's that with barry gibb. >> there's nothing jimmy can't do. >> i loved the electric company. memories. >> i missed -- what was i doing my entire life? >> you were working. >> i guess so. >> is your childhood home, the home you grew up, in still standing? >> it is still standing. not that old. it's not in the original form. it's much the one i grew up in. >> so they added on? >> they did all the things my mother and father would have loved to have done but couldn't afford so it's lovely now. >> what town? >> in buoy, maryland. i don't think the one in annapolis maryland where we lived before is still there. >> we grew up in morgantown, west virginia. i remember dogwood avenue was our street. >> you remember the address and d do on one of their big anniversaries is just do it again and let her wear the dress she wished she'd worn. that would be fun. just create a whole new wedding picture too. >> that's a great one. >> remember the dress from "sex and the city," too? i loved that dress. >> i didn't like the hat. >> let's talk about unconventional bridal gowns. it was bridal fashion week some are interesting. this is one. it's a see-through. >> but it's pretty. >> wow, it's all the way see through, huh? i mean, like a body suit under. >> yeah. >> okay, this next one is a fringe look by nayim kaine. >> not crazy about that. >> how about wedding boots? >> joanne would do that. and she'd probably be sorry 20 years later. >> how about color? you want color. how about this one? that's by mark zuneno. >> how about a paint -- >> oh, pant dress. bridal gown. >> this is another joanne, by the same guy, mark sunino. >> those are nice, really sweet. >> you had a traditional wedding dress, your first one, with the high collar, remember? >> oh, it was horrible. i looked like, you know, little house on the prairie, very think about it. i'd rather actually do i-hoda, that's how bad it was. when i would rather listen to that. >> i was waiting for bruno mars to come out with another song and he did. bruno mars. remember, uptown funk, he's got another one and it is out. it's called 24 carat magic. >> it's a good one, let's crank it. >> it starts off slow. ? i just want to take you higher ? you're like, what is this going to be? >> this is the part i like. >> get ready. ? let's set this party off right ? >> ready, are you ready? >> yes. >> enjoy this. ? up to the moon ? ? girls what ya'll trying to do ? >> so glad later. >> i like this. it's very like old school funk. ready? ? show time ? ? show time ? see, it's easy to learn. >> he spent a lot of time on the lyrics. >> bruno mars. check out the video. >> love him. >> another hit i would venture to guess. >> i was working yesterday in there's this adorable kid. he is 13 years old. he was just in "finding neverland." came up to my house to be david, the little giant. >> in the musical. >> there he is with david. ? out in the desert ? eventually with the music behind it. i just wanted to do a shout-out to him. we can move on. the music's on in his head he's just what, 13? >> he's 13. carol lee carmelo is the one who told me to hire him. he's adorable. >> sweet kid. we can't wait till it's all done. >> you're going to be -- regis is playing jesse, the factor of david and all the brothers. he's come to the house tomorrow. >> he is? >> it's a star-studded affair. i got everybody cheap because they're my friends. >> if you're interested in any reminder, i-hoda on apple music and sirius, i show a show there. >> okay, for the complete rule, go to klg & hoda.com. >> hi, ally. >> ally sheedy is going to tell us all about it. >> plus, two busy moms get put their feet up for a few hours pampering. ? ? ? ? can you say i love it? ? ? oh love it? ? ? can you say hey? ? ? hey! ? ? that's the spirit! oooooh.? ? ooh ooh ? ? wooh ooh ? ? wooh ooh ? ? sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.? ? every little thing. ? skin need an insta-detox? new pure clay masks from l'oreal 3 masks enriched with pure clays green to purify black to brighten red to exfoliate pure clay your way new pure clay masks by l'oreal skin expert paris liste of bad breath germs for a 100% fresh mouth. feeling 100% means you feel bold enough to... ...assist a magician... bold? i used to blame the weather for my frizz. turns out my curls needed to be stronger to fight back. pantene's pro-v formula makes my curls so strong* they can dry practically frizz free.** because strong is beautiful. get even stronger results with pantene expert, our most my challenge is to be in sync, with my body, myself, my life. it all starts with a healthy routine. begin the activia two week probiotic challenge by enjoying activia yogurt with billions of probiotics everyday. take the activia probiotic challenge! billions of probiotics everyday. ? ?you don't own me? ?don't tell me what to do? ?just let me be myself? ?that's all i ask of you? the new 2017 corolla with toyota safety sense standard. ?you don't own me? >>> she was the hollywood it girl of the '80s who belonged to the famous cool kid club of actors known as the brat pack. >> she's ally sheedy. starring in of course the hit "the breakfast club" where she played the g misfits in detention. then she and her friends faced life after college. it was the 1983 hit movie "war games" with matthew broderick that first got ally recognized for her big screen appeal. >> now in her new dark indy comedy "little sister" ally plays a mom who's a little bit mother earth and a little bit manic depressive. take a look. to you. that's the way it is, isn't it? you know what? that's life. i am a disappointment to you. and you are a disappointment to me. i just wish you would grow up a little and get over it already. >> i'm scared. get over it already. get over it already. that's what ally >> this is a remake of "rebecca of sunny brooks farm." i've been waiting for that. >> oh, dear. >> yes. >> you can see why you'd be attracted to the role. >> fun to play, right? >> so much fun, so much fun. i loved it. she's -- this woman is all over the place. it's beautifully written script and i loved it. >> did you say yes right away? >> yes, i said yes, yes, i read it and thought, oh, please, can i play this part. >> do you still audition for if ally sheedy will say yes to this? >> it's actually a mixed bag. sometimes stuff comes in and sometimes they'll be something and i've got to really go out and try to get it. >> got to fight for it. like the old days. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> tell us about the the two kids in this film. >> what? >> tell us about your two kids in this film. >> all right. okay. i have -- this mom, joanie, has a son and a daughter. keith paulston plays the son. and her daughter has become a nun. and her son an iraq war hero who's been burned, you know, beyond recognition and she's just so disappointed in how these kids turned out. >> even the war hero? a nun? >> hugely disappointed. i have to deal with these kids for the rest of my life. couldn't they have done >> it's so crazy. >> so it's a comedy too, it's a dark comedy. >> it's a dark comedy, yeah. >> you're also -- we were talking before the break, you're doing some teaching, too, right? >> i'm doing some teaching. i work with kids here in new york at la guardia high school. i work with the faculty there developing a film class. i teach there at least three times a week but usually more. and i also am teaching a class at ale people must love to be in your class. are they like, oh, my god, we're in ally sheedy's class? >> the first week, then after the first week, oh, god, why is she pushing me, why are we doing -- it wears off really qu

ha-ha-ha-ha haunted hayride haunted hayride ? ?? ? pumpkin spice latte pumpkin spice latte yeah ? ? pumpkin spice latte yeah ? ? trick or treat smell my feet give me something good to eat ? ? if you don't i don't care i'll pull down your underwear ? ? i'll pull down your underwear i'll pull down your underwear ? ? happy halloween ? [ cheers and applause ] we're going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now, we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. alright, did you know i was the mommy slam dunk champion? yes, really! don't sound so surprised. let's see it! let's hear the crowd.alrig. ahhhh! i go to the right. i go to the left. fake 'em out. mama go up, up, up! she did it. -again? you can't avoid gravity. but unitedhealthcare can help you avoid financial surprises by helping you compare costs and doctor quality ratings. unitedhealthcare you should masterpass that, now. hey dude. xxxl she wants her fruit chews. masterpassed. mr. clean gets tough on dirt and grime and grease in just a minute whole house and every room that's in it floors, doors, walls, hallso ? [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, again, to barry gibb for doing that. ?? ?? what was that other jam that i liked? ? in the event of something happening to me st ? it'toaph of someone that i knew? it's a very young -- it's an early -- dp cu >> jimmy: deep cut on that one. "new york mining disaster 1941." >> oh, yeah. i rember that one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] he ae,lswrn, not e eetu he did, you know, hete d ?wase." ch?r ? is the word that ieeling ? [ cheers ]?? [ cheers andppus]! welcom.'s ?ythe best! we areek s in we of the nfl seas, and the big suay ?k?/ night football. i love sunday nit football. the matchup isl) between the indianapolis colts and the uston texa, every seas, theyive out player. mo but they also give o awards during the seaso sort ofik thones in high school yearbooks, likmost lel cceed, class clown, stuff with that in mind, it's rles [ cheers aus ala ??)immy: fi anthoncazohe hen, wasot mk n't oteve la his barber for the graduation cap. that's very interesting. la next up, from the colts, is jere vujnovich. itard. never give out.?r whatetn yoou gre not d most lik wiing to spend t dlar ak?)?)ht re? ?iton texa. he was voted most likely to be ? ng o to cof his lamp ha aousiname"f.u. aousiname"f.u. [ ughter appuse ] that's o. that's an odco???8? nebrdon weed feesr harde most likelyo [ laughter and applause ]?) can we double chk ? ouy wod ey give thatward [ laughter ] yeonah, we think othese awar they just givehem at these players. when i started designing a bronx tale: the musical, i came up... ...with this idea of four towers that were fire escapes... ...essentially. i'll bld a little model in photoshop and add these... ...details in with a pen. ...essentially. ..o puout there just enoughdetaa mac. i feel like my job is... ?)$e$e?r ? ? $e ?)$e$e?r $e ? ? great ?rrates for great rides. your lunch? food youto fork. introducing devour. enjoy your phone! you got the amazing new iphone on the house by switching to at&t... at??.... aand you t unlimited data because you have directv?? ay, just a . door! it's cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at&t and have directv. feingold: i'm russ feingold and i apove this message. and th

ha ha ha ha! ♪ the moon was full ♪ it was late at night ♪ i could feel in my bones something wasn't quite right ♪ ♪ i walked downstairs and i opened the door ♪ ♪ and what i saw set me jaw to the floor ♪ ♪ at first i was scared ♪ then i started to giggle ♪ 'cause i saw dragla do the halloween wiggle ♪ ♪ this ain't ya daddy's monster mash. the jewel, the jewel ♪ ♪ the graveyard smash. i'm about to find out if you're a treat or tricky ♪ ♪ spread your cobwebs, arch your back and i'll stick my hand down your candy sack ♪ ♪ halloween might you bite on your pillow like it's a marshmallow ♪ ♪ listen up close ♪ there is a creepy wiggle i dig the most ♪ ♪ stretch your back wings, make them clap and don't forget to do the skeleton clap ♪ ♪ make the pumpkin clap ♪ haunt you so hard with my unwrapped snickers. stick my face in a candy bar ♪ ♪ turn you around, lick your hershey ♪ ♪ fun, if you bring your gang ♪ be ware of casper and his spooky chain ♪ ♪ keep your eyes peeled for ghouls and ghost ♪ ♪ halloween's a treat and i dig it the most ♪ ♪ take it to the graveyard ♪ i bring my skeleton crew ♪ gonna give you a treat because you're my trait ♪ ♪ you dress as a witch ♪ i'll provide the broomstick ♪ trick or treating is about as much as fun as you can get ♪ ♪ i whip out my monster (bleep) ♪ ♪ and we're still wiggling, the halloween wiggle ♪ ♪ make the candy apples jiggle jiggle girl ♪ ♪ just to be clear, we're talking about fruit ♪ ♪ but now the party's over and it's time to scoot ♪ ♪ so go home guys ♪ put some candles on ♪ and jack your lantern till the break of dawn ♪ >> kids are washing. he said hershey (bleep). you said hershey (bleep). you're laughing about it. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you run the jules! we'll be right back! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) of being there for my son's winning shot. that was it for me. that's why i'm quitting with nicorette. only nicorette mini has initiating retrieval sequence. activating thrusters. target acquired. dang it! ah! come on! astronauts can vote from space. take a break from the election with red or blue tea. make time for snapple. ♪ ♪ ♪ i am benedict arnold, the infamous traitor. and i know a thing or two about trading. so i trade with e*trade, where true traders trade on a trademarked trade platform that has all the... get off the computer traitor! i won't. (cannon sound) i won't. fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back. if you watch the show regularly, you know i'm a practicing catholic. unfortunately, i don't make it to church as often as i used to, and the thing i miss most is confession. unburdening myself of my sins takes a huge weight off -- like the pope must feel when he takes off that huge hat. ( lau

ha-ha-ha-ha haunted hayride haunted hayride ? [ cheers and applause ] ? ? pumpkin spice latte pumpkin spice latte yeah ? ? trick or treat smell my feet tve me something ? if you don't i don't care i'll pull down your underwear ? ? i'll pull down your underwear i'll pull down your underwear ? ? happy halloween ? [ cheers and applause ] we're going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now, we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. alright, did you know i was the mommy slam dunk champion? really? yes, really! don't sound so surprised. let's see it! -oh you're ready. alright, here we go. let's hear the crowd. ahhhh! i go to the right. i go to the left. fake 'em out. mama go up, up, up! but unitedhealthcare can help you avoid financial surprises by helping you compare costs and doctor quality ratings. unitedhealthcare you should masterpass that, now. hey dude. xxxl she wants her fruit chews. masterpassed. i masterpassed it. that was fast. ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, again, to barry gibb for doing ? ? what was that other jam that i liked? ? in the event of something happening to me there is something i would like you all to see ? that's a great one, that's -- ? it's just a photograph??g of someone that i knew ? it's a very young -- it's an early -- >> deep cut. >> jimmy: deep cut on that one. >> oh, yeah. i remember that one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] he also wrote, i mean, not even "bee gees" stuff. he did, you know, he wrote "grease." ? grease is the word ? [ cheers ] we love that. i can't hit that note. ? is the word that i'm feeling ? ? grease is the time is the place is the motion ? ? now grease is the way we are feeling ? [ cheers ] ? [ cheers and applause ] my man, barry gibb! god, he's the best! guys, welcome back. we are in week six of the nfl season, and the big sunday night football. th?!?0?bmatchup is between the indianapolis colts and the usn texans, right here on nbc. now, as you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like the most valuable player. but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks, like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: our first player is anthony castonzo. he's an offensive tackle for the indianapolis colts. he was voted most likely to appear on the cover of an nfl romance novel. [ laughter and applause ] "come with me." next up -- "i can't believe it's not butter." [ laughter ] he was voted most likely to ask his barber for the graduation cap. that's very interesting. [ laughter ] next up, from the colts, is jeremy vujnovich. he was voted the most likely to walk out of a bathroom and say, "you might want to give it a a couple of days." [ laughter and applause ] it's a rare award. we never give that out. here's oday aboushi. he was voted most likely to be what you get when you're not [ laughter and applause ] he's not great, not bad. here's vince wilfork from the houston texans. he was voted most likely to be a genie that gets stuck while trying to come out of his lamp. that's not good. [ laughter and applause ] next up is texans quarterback, brock osweiler. he was voted most likely to extend his neck like e.t. when he senses danger. [ laughter and applause ] interesting. here's kendall langford. he was voted most likely to laugh and say, "animals can't talk," while he watches "zootopia" by himself. [ laughter and applause ] here's wide receiver t.y. hilton. he was voted most likely to have a cousin named "f.u. marriott." [ laughter and applause ] that's odd. that's an odd coincidence. next is brandon weeden. [ laughter and applause ] can we double check that? why would they give that award out? [ laughter ] yeah, we don't think of these awards. they just give them at these players. next up is greg mancz. he was voted to be most likely of every boyfriend from "teen mom" combined into one. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, here's tom savage. he was voted croatian nicolas cage. there are your "nfl superlatives." we'll be right back with bryan cranston! [ cheers and applause ] jay knows how to keep his wheels spinning. nice shorts, dad... this is what the pros wear. uhhh... that's why he starts his day with those two scoops in heart healthy kellogg's raisin bran. ready to eat my dust? too bad i already filled up on raisins. kellogg's raisin bran. deliciously heart healthy. an opening night on broadway is kind of magic. i'm beowulf boritt and i'm a broadway set designer. when i started designing a bronx tale: the musical, i came up... ...with this idea of four towers that were fire escapes... ...essentially. i'll build a little model in photoshop and add these... mac. i feel like my job is... ...to put out there just enough detail to spur the audiences... ...imagination to fill in all the blanks. this windows pc is amazing, having all of my tools... ...right at my finger tips is incredible. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. devour, say my name! the little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. you naughty little... did you just spank your lunch? yes. nice. food you want to fork. enjoy your phone! you too. (inner monologue) all right, be cool. you got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at&t... what??.... aand you got unlimited data because you have directv?? okay, just a few more steps... it's cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is not only a tony award winner, he's also a six-time emmy award winner for his fantastic work "breaking bad." now he's written this wonderful new memoir called, "a life in parts," which available now. please welcome, the multitalented, bryan cranston, ladies and gentlemen! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: you must feel the love! they love you. we love you. welcome, welcome, welcome back to the show, buddy. >> a lot of love. got questlove. >> jimmy: questlove. a lot of love. ? going to take a lot of love ? ? going to take a lot of love ? to feel all right ? ? ? going to take a lot of love ? ? to feel all right ? ? >> jimmy: who was that? >> good call. >> jimmy: nicollette larson. wow he's better than google. are you kidding me. >> it was written by neil young. >> are you kidding me. >> jimmy: what's that? >> it was written by neil young. >> jimmy: oh, that's right, it was by neil young. >> alright, what day did he write it? [ laughter ] >> february 30th -- >> damn! >> jimmy: darn it! you can't get anything past these guys. welcome back. we love having you here, buddy. >> great to see you. >> jimmy: you look sharp. look at this guy on the cover. i like this guy. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: he's a good looking dude. >> evil eisenberg. >> jimmy: i love him, too. >> he was just misunderstood. >> jimmy: of course. you have great quotes on the back here. but one -- said bryan cranston has created a cinematic record of how an actor shapes a a career, and an identity, and a legacy all at the same time, from the great tom hanks. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's not bad. not too shabby. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how much did you pay him for the quote? >> yeah. i had a little dirt on mr. hanks. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's a lovely guy. >> jimmy: how many times have you worked with tom? >> i've worked with tom maybe four times. >> jimmy: yeah, four times. >> he's just called me every time saying, are you free? and before i can answer, i'm like on a plane ready to go wherever he wants. >> jimmy: any takeaway from that guy? >> i've got to say, he's the guy you hope he would be. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's him. >> jimmy: i agree. >> he's the guy. he's on the set, he's respectful and kind and and yet you get the work done. he's kind of like you. >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> except for the respectful and kind part. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well ye