this is "the daily show" with your host, hasan minhaj! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> hasan: thank you! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm hasan minhaj! and it's my last night as guest host! it's over! settle in! settle in! it's my last night as guest host! it's over! i stripped the bed and i left the sheets on the washer and dryer! now give me back my deposit, comedy central! but first, we got a show to do. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] now as i said, this is my last night here, but as an indian and an american, i can't leave without shitting on the united kingdom. so let's talk about the latest drama in the royal family. because apparently, prince andrew is pissed that his brother, king charles, is trying to move him out of his 30-room mansion and into the tiny ten-room frogmore cottage. [audience reacts] first of all, i get why he's upset -- that's barely enough space for a teenage sex dungeon. but second, why are you complaining? your house has a name. any house with a name is next level. my house

this is "the daily show" with your host, hasan minhaj! heers and applause] >> hasan: hey, everybody! i'm hasan minhaj! and i'm on day two of hosting "the daily show!" i am back, baby! [cheers and applause] settled in, in. listen, it's days like today that i remember what my old boss jon stewart used to say to me: "hasan, please stop name-dropping me when you tell stories." miss you, j-stew. we've got a lot to talk about tonight, so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with tiktok, it's the app that's taught me how to make spaghetti in a washing machine, but it also gave me adult adhd. look at my pen. isn't this cool? focus, focus. but if you work for the government, your tiktok days are numbered. because the white house just announced that federal agencies have 30 days to the to delete tiktok from all government phones. [boos] that's right. president joseph r boehner keller thinks that china could spy on us but that is stupid because they use balloons now, joseph. and you know what? trying also thinks t

this is "the daily show" with your host, hasan minhaj! and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> hasan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm your host, hasan minhaj! nice to see you! yes! by the way, listen, it is night three for me behind the desk, and i got to say, it's been so great this week catching up with old friends and also, ronny chieng. but we've got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's start off with mcdonald's. the only thing that's invaded more countries than america. >> some mcdonald's franchisees are pushing back against an ad campaign called famous orders, which lets famous people like cardi b create new menu items. some restaurant owners worry the cardi b promotion is not compatible with their decades long history as a family friendly restaurant. one franchisee in san jose he was participating said, the fact that we can't talk about the song we are objecting to, because we can't use the title -- >> says something. >> says something. >> hasan: hold on. do these guys have a

hasan minhaj. [cheers and applause] more bombay love, please. more bombay love. >> oh, man. ok. this is--this is gonna--this is interesting. do you understand don't know what i'm doing here? [laughter] i got off the plane, they said, hey, there's a guy, his name is raj, he'll pick you up. i'm in fucking india, man. how many rajs are there? i come out, there's 97 brown dudes. "sir, sir, sir, sir." no! i can't-- i'm gonna believe all of you. [laughter] oh, my god. the amount of love that i got from the crowd was 180 degrees away from the amount of fear that i had. even for certain jokes, they'd be like ha ha ha, applause break time. >> yeah. yeah. the comedy now is so new, there's nothing that the audience will listen to and go, "that's been done." >> you guys are doing everything for the first time. >> yeah, everything is fresh for them. there are bits that work great in some places and not in other places. >> like your bit about the 54%. >> yeah. >> does it always crush? >> bombay's a shitty, shitty smelling city. that's because 54% of all indians shit outside. do you guys know