hey! you sprayed my foot, dumb-ass. oh, yeah? hey! hey! hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! stop it!or holdin' the fort down, buddy. hey, i got somethin' for ya. you're gonna dig this. hey, guys, come here a minute. got somethin' for ya. now you can quit your bitching about the whole uniform thing. ( boys cheering ) here you go. hey, harper. heads up, buddy. hooper: it's "hooper." there you go. ( all chattering ) ( happy, peaceful theme playing ) engelberg: cannonball! okay. tanner: hey, engelberg. you do that again, you'll learn how to surf. garo: mr. buttermaker? we have a game tomorrow. shouldn't we be practicing? buttermaker: uh-huh. lupus, alcohol. excellent. god bless you. you got a future, lupus. you ever play with anyone famous? hell, yeah, i played with people who are famous. what do you think? i mean, i was in the game, you know. oh, i know one. one time, i struck out mike schmidt in an exhibition game. struck his ass right out. it was 1980. it was two outs, bottom of the seventh inning. it was the bottom of the seventh. top of the seventh. it was top of the seventh. and wh

hey, hey, hey yeah, yeah, yeah >> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank you so much. i'm stephen colbert. you folks make it so fun coming out here every night. i do loving doing this show. one thing about being on camera is you have to care about how you look. how do you think i look tonight? do you think i look okay? ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) i'd like to thank my hair and makeup folks and, of course, the entire team of spanx wranglers that lower me into my suit every night. and here's the thing: i have the same worries as any guy my age. is my hair thinning? is my waist thickening? would it eliminate these crow's feet if i bought a corvette? just normal insecurity. which is why i was so happy to see a new ad campaign from american eagle outfitters. they have a lingerie brand for women of all body types called aerie. and last month, they announced a new underwear line called aerie men to help guys of all shapes feel confident about their bodies. >> being an aerie man isn't just about being in your underwear. it's about being you. >> healt

hey kevin. hey, fancy seeing you here. uh, i live right over there actually. you've been to my place. no, i wasn't...oh look, you dropped something. it's your resume with a 20 dollar bill taped to t. that's weird. you want to work for ge to hahaha, what? well we're always looking for developers who are up for big world changing challenges like making planes, trains and hospitals run better. why don't you check your new watch and tell me what time i should be there. oh, i don't hire people. i'm a develo eho i'm gonna need monday off. if right twix is going to be over there scading caramel on cookie all night, we'll be over here flowing caramel on cookie. wouldn't it be funny if they were all working late just because they thought we were working late? (all laughing) they're not that stupid. try both. pick a side. twix . dove men+care. the strength test. like leather, skin is stronger when it's hydrated. that's why dove men+care bodywash has a nique hydrating formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. if you misplace your discover card, you can use freeze it

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hey, hey! >> jimmy: everybody's talking about this.turday, beyonce released a a surprise album called "lemonade", where she directs some of her anger at her husband, jay-z. yeah. an entire album where she yells at her husband. or in other words, looks like hillary's found her running mate. [ cheers and applause ] we're good. >> steve: woo! >> jimmy: the election is heading into the home stretch, and it seems like the whole world is watching. in fact, i read that sales for donald trump pinatas have been soaring recently. [ light laughter ] or as donald trump put it, "told you i could make the mexicans pay for something." [ laughter ] "i knew i could do it. pinatas." [ cheers and applause ] speaking of trump, apparently four out of donald trump's five airplanes are more than 20 years old. which they say it's rare for most billionaires, yeah. [ light laughter ] i guess trump doesn't know you're supposed to change planes every few years and keep your wife forever. >> steve: really? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. "oh, i misunders

hey kevin. hey, fancy seeing you here. uh, i live right over there actually. you've been to my place. no, i wasn't...oh look, you dropped something. it's your resume with a 20 dollar bill taped to it. that's weird. you want to work for ge too. hahaha, what? well we're always looking for developers who are up for big world changing challenges like making planes, trains and hospitals run better. why don't you check your new watch and tell me what time i should be there. oh, i don't hire people. i'm a developer. i'm gonna need monday off. come seek the royal caribbean. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the longest running co-anchor of the "today" show and 100 days from now he'll be co-hosting nbc's coverage of the opening ceremonies for the rio 2016 olympic games. please welcome our good pal matt lauer! [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming on the show. i appreciate that. >> isn't it weird, we work in the same building, we live five minutes from each other and we never see each other. >> jimmy: i never see you, yeah. but i always see you

♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit!h ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. ♪ ooooh oooh. (hooves on gravel) i gotta ask, man. what's it like living without the internet? (snap) it's alright. i just get photos of your mom through the mail. snap into a slim jim! it's full. h. and it's beautifully exhausting. but you want more. which is why devry university is in your corner every step of the way. with professors who'll work with you, no matter where your classroom happens to be. and with the new devry university scholarship, you'll be rewarded for all your hard work. as your devry gpa grows, so does your scholarship. not every university works this way. but we're not every university. devry university. different. on purpose. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> guys, guys. we've had a lot of fun this season, haven't we? [ cheers ] i know. but we need to take a break. you know, you need to figure your stuff out, i need to go make 10 more episodes, so... but i real

hey! you very much! sit down, relax, enjoy. enjoy. relax. thank you, thank you, thank you. welcome, welcome, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love! i feel the love from you guys and i give it right back to you. i have to give it right back to you. thank you. welcome, everyone. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it right here, you made it. this is the show. [ cheers and applause ] you're all part of the show. thank you so much. here's what everybody is talking about. of course, it's the big new york primary, which happens next tuesday, which is looking pretty good for hillary clinton. in fact, the website -- mrs. clinton, please. [ laughter ] she's in new york, yeah. she's a good laugher. >> steve: yes, very good. >> jimmy: the website 538 says hillary has a 99% chance of winning the primary for new york. yeah, when he heard, bernie sanders said, "my god, i've become part of the 1%!" [ laughter ] [ applause ] exactly what i -- but hillary's been working hard here in new york,

hey hey sremm sremm one two three ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the highlight of my nightugh of it. change the way you experience tv with xfinity x1. if yit's usually because you were driving too fast or you didn't look before you turned or you didn't stop for someone in the crosswalk. always be alert. pedestrians don't come with airbags. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to adam levine, michael shannon, rae sremmurd, right there. [ cheers and applause ] "sremmlife 2!" and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night, i hope to see you tomorrow. national paint day, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight iggy azalea, host of "the nightly show," larry wilmore, music from iggy azalea, featuring the 8g band with will calhoun. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen,

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hey. >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: hey! >> steve: hey!mmy: hey, hey, watch it. [ laughter ] and finally, there's "not tonight." [ laughter and applause ] this is a big deal today. tesla unveiled its new model 3 electric car. and i saw that fans were camping outside tesla stores to reserve one. yeah, camping out. camping out is actually great practice for when their cars run out of power 30 miles from the es it's what they're gonna do. [ applause ] and finally, i saw that according to forbes, the new "now that's what i call music" cd sold a quarter of a million copies last week. yeah, and it's actually the 93rd installment in the "now" series. but they decided to go ahead and release a best of cd. they even have a commercial for it, it's pretty interesting. check this out. >> after 18 years, and over 1,500 songs, "now that's what i call music" presents "now that's what i call now that's what i call music: the best of now that's what i call music." featuring songs like "the rockafeller skank" by fatboy slim. ♪ right about now the funk soul

hey kevin. hey, fancy seeing you here. uh, i live right over there actually.your resume with a 20 dollar bill taped to it. that's weird. you want to work for ge too. hahaha, what? well we're always looking for developers who are up for big world changing challenges like making planes, trains and hospitals run better. why don't you check your new watch and tell me what time i should be there. oh, i don't hire people. i'm a developer. i'm gonna need monday off. again, not my call. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. ♪ i'm sitting at the bar stool i'm talking like a damn fool ♪ ♪ i got the 12:00 news blues ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: guys, today is friday. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, i return some e-mails -- [ cheers ] and, of course, i send out thank you notes. and i've got to -- i'm running late. [ cheers and applause ] i was wondering -- if you don't mind, i'd like to write some out right now, some thank you notes. james, can i get some thank you note writing music please? ♪ [ laughter ] is he upset abo

so, hey-- hey! hey, kids! hi! hey! hi! hey! hey! mexicans are coming to kill us!rump a fraud and a bad businessman because things like "trump" magazine, and trump water, and trump steaks had all failed. so last night, after winning mitt's home state of michigan, trump's victory speech had a little bit of product placement. >> mitt romney got up and made a speech the other day. i brought some things up because he said my water company is gone. i said, "it is? i didn't know that." i have very successful companies. we sell water, and we have water, and it is very successful. we have "trump" magazine. it's called the "jewel of palm beach." it goes to all of my clubs. i've had it for many years, and it's the magazine. you have the wines and all of that. very proud of that. we make the finest wine. it's as good wine as you can get anywhere in the world. and we have trump steaks. >> stephen: that's right. that's right, trump gave his victory speech next to a pyramid of raw steak. he was either trying to introduce mitt rom or introducing his new running mate, trump, pile

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yeah baby ♪ ♪ hey you're getting low hey yeah hey ♪ ♪ check it out check it out ♪ ♪ i can feel i needthat's why i'm calling my groupies ♪ ♪ calling all my instagram models ♪ ♪ calling on the cuties doing squats for their booties and snapchaters ♪ ♪ i need more disappearing movies. >> cash, flash, rhymes with pretty ♪ ♪ crash, flash ♪ ♪ all aboard get on that party train ♪ ♪ hey. >> yeah baby ♪ ♪ let's go get on that party train ♪ ♪ we've got to keep going ♪ we've got to party ♪ get on that party train ♪ yeah ♪ chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug ♪ ♪ ♪ getth ♪ hey >> "party rock anthem ♪ >> out now. "party rock anthem." our favorite things. today on nbc. >>> time for our favorite things. on friday my son cody, who is studying to get his master's in film, all that stuff. he said, mom, you've got to go this weekend to see this movie. i never do. so i said, okay, what is it? he said, mom, it's a perfect film. so for him to say that, this movie is called "eye in the sky" with helen mirren. it is like a perfect movie. the story is so compelling. the acting is incredible. i couldn't

hey kevin. hey, fancy seeing you here. uh, i live right over there actually.your resume with a 20 dollar bill taped to it. that's weird. you want to work for ge too. hahaha, what? well we're always looking for developers who are up for big world changing challenges like making planes, trains and hospitals run better. why don't you check your new watch and tell me what time i should be there. oh, i don't hire people. i'm a developer. i'm chris van hollen, and i approve this message. narrator: an attack ad from the campaign for donna edwards. so untrue. so outrageous that president obama said, "pull it down." the obama white house called the ad on chris van hollen the sun says van hollen and president obama have the exact same position. the post praised van hollen as a "leading champion on gun safety," and condemned the edwards ads that "mislead" voters. donna edwards. will she say anything to win an election? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. ♪ i'm sitting at the bar stool i'm talking like a damn fool ♪ ♪ i got the 12:00

♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit!oh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. ♪ ooooh oooh. yeah, i was just talking uhabout yourico?... emergency roadside service and how it's available 24/7 and then our car overheated... what are the chances? can you send a tow truck please? uh, the location? you're not going to believe this but it's um... it's in a tree. i wish i was joking, mate, but it's literally stuck in a tree. (car horn honking) a chainsaw? no, no, all we really need is a tow truck. day or night, geico's emergency roadside service is there for you. people love me for saving them over half a grand when they switch to progressive. so i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was board-game night with the dalai lama. great guy. terrible player. ♪ go paperless ♪ don't stress, girl ♪ i got the discounts that you need ♪ it's a balancing act, but i got to give the people what they want -- more box. any words for the critics? what can i say? critties gonna neg. [ app

hey hey sremm sremm one two three [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the highlight of my night right there! rae sremmurd! that's the highlight. "sremmlife 2" is available for preorder now. we'll be right back, everybody! life is what you make it. blinds to go makes it easy. blinds to go. blinds for life. blinds to go's new cascade shades. gentle diffused light when you want it. darkened privacy when you don't. modern elegance always. right now take 30% off our entire selection of beautiful cascade shades. let the sun shine in. or don't. it's all good. blinds to go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to adam levine, michael shannon, rae sremmurd, right there. [ cheers and applause ] "sremmlife 2!" and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night, i hope to see you tomorrow. national paint day, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight iggy azalea, host of "the nightly show," larry wilmore, music from i

>> hey there, mike.ocratic presidential hoe fells bernie clinton schedule address the afl-cio convention after she will head to pit burying for evening event at carnegie melon university. sanders at the liacouras center at temple university. bernie sanders, his which is win in wisconsin, will give him handful of delegates, still lags hillary clinton by big number with 86 delegates at steakment sand letters pick up at least 44, clinton will gain at least 28. he still must win 67% of the remaining delegates and uncommitted super delegates in order to win the democratic presidential nomination. good news sanders is on winning streak, so far he's won seven out of the last eight caucuses, in primaries. senator ted cruz is looking ahead to november saying he wants to deliver wisconsin, for republicans for the first time in 32 years, cruz won the state and talk to supporters in milwaukee. >> cruz. three weeks ago, the media said with wisconsin was perfect state for donald trump. but the hard-working men and wom

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hey, everybody, up there! hey, folks down here! my man, what's going on? good to see you. welcome. welcome. thank you very much. how are you? >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: oh, that's nice. that's lovely. no, please. what are you going to do? what do you do? thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody. thank you very much. that's very nice of you. welcome to the "late show." i'm the name you have been chanting. i'm glad you guys are in a good mood. are you in a good mood? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's nice. that makes it hard for me, and i'm afraid-- i like to come out here with good news, but i have heartbreaking news. scientists have done their science stuff, and unfortunately they have discovered that dogs hate being hugged. bad, scientists, bad! you made a mess here. here's how they figured it out. they looked at photos of dogs being hugged and analyzed them for signs of stress or anxiety, like flattened ears or wide eye, like this one. the mom's saying, "awww." the kid's saying, "yay!" and the dog's saying, "sweet death. take me no

hey! wait to watch this when i get home! it's almost like i'm there." >> jimmy: finally, this was everywhere today. apparently an aquarium in new zealand says that its octopus, inky, recently escaped and actually made it back to the ocean. they've already made a movie about it. and it sort of reminds me about another movie about an escape. take a look at this trailer. ♪ >> it was just like inky always said. get busy living or get busy swimming. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show, give it up for the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey! welcome, welcome. hot crowd tonight. this is a big -- [ cheers and applause ] it's a fun show we have tonight. fun show planned. some extra fun stuff. hey, guys, quickly. if you know me, you know i like to stay up to date, informed, in the know. that's why i get all my news from topical waffle. it's a new web show that covers everything from music to movies to politics to music. and even to movies and politics. it'

hey, gene? would you say neesh or nitch?f 20th century german philosopher friedrich nietzsche. >> i think you mean frederick nitch. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey mike and ola, what would you say? >> mike says ka-nish like the food. >> ola says commish like the michael chiklis show. >> commish. >> ka-nish. >> seth: huh. [ light laughter ] huh. hey, ben? do you find your nitch or do you find your neesh? >> i never found my neesh. but i did find my niece. her name is denise. >> seth: oh. how's denise? >> she's deceased. [ light laughter ] >> seth: geez, ben. way to bring down the room. [ light laughter ] i'm pretty sure it's either neesh or nitch. let me just check with the band. marnie? eli? syd? seth? brann dailor from the band mastodon? >> neesh. >> nitch. >> nitch. >> neesh. >> bitch. >> seth: brann, you think it's pronounced bitch? >> no, seth. i was calling you a bitch. [ laughter ] bitch. >> seth: cool, cool, cool. that makes more sense. hey baze, you're head writer. what would you say? >> while typically both neesh and nitc

♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit!h ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back. my geses tonight is a congresswoman from florida and the dnc chair. please welcome debbies whatter-- wasserman-schultz. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for being here, congresswoman. >> thank you for having me. it's a pleasure. >> trevor: let's get straight into it. >> okay. >> trevor: what a time to be alive. >> yes, yes. >> trevor: is it exciting for you or are you stressing every single day? >> no, it's invigorating. i'm a true believer and i really think that the 73 months of private sectder jobs that we have had under president obama and congressional democrats is something we need to build on and we need to make sure we have a chance for everyone in america to reach the middle clas. >> trevor: before we get that far we have to get over the fact that right now the race is turning into like a wacky race. i mean it's insane. never mind the rch can

hey! that' s the spirit! oooooh. ooh ooh wooh ooh wooh ooh sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes. ooooh oooh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. it is time for "tonight show" hashtags, here we go! hashtags hashtags [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, this is a very fun bit now. you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] well, we use twitter on our show every single week. so if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag, and we ask you guys it tweet out things based on that topic. so, since the white house science fair just happened this week, i sent out a hashtag called my genius idea. i asked you guys to tweet out a a funny, clever or useful thing that you'd like to see invented. we got thousands of tweets, within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u.s., so thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] that means a lot to me. now i thought i'd share some of tweets

yeah baby hey you're getting low hey yeah hey check it out i can feel i need to let loose loose in your caboose i need to drink some juice with some gin so i can party with all my friends that's why i'm calling my groupies calling all my instagram models calling on the cuties doing squats for their booties and snapchaters i need more disappearing movies. >> cash, flash, rhymes with pretty crash, flash all aboard get on that party train hey. >> yeah baby let's go get on that party train we've got to keep going we've got to party get on that party train chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug chug get on that party train hey >> "party rock anthem >> out now. "party ock anthem." our favorite things. get back on that party train if your family outing his mical r all the wrong reasons. you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtecif is ou lerent than claritin . because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. try zyrtec . muddle no more things. that, this with helen mirren. it is like a perfect movie. the story is so compelling. the a

♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit!h ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. ♪ ooooh oooh. unaware death was lurking.rid, what? he was challenged by a team of lumberjacks. let's do this. he would drive them to hard knocks canyon, where he would risk broken legs, losing limbs, and slipping and dying. not helping. but death would have to wait. james left with newfound knowledge, a man's gratitude, and his shirt. how far will you take the all-new rav4 hybrid? toyota. let's go places. youto get the help you'refar looking for. that's why at xfinity we're opening up more stores closer to you. where you can use all of our latest products and technology. and find out how to get the most out of your service. so when you get home, all you have to do is enjoy it. we're doing everything we can to give you the best experience possible. because we should fit into your life. not the other way around. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: okay!

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