. >> deseo presentarte con orgullo, al nuevo miembro de la familia helles junior. ¡no!> es un abrigo de mil dólares. >> junior ¿estás ahí? >> junior, junior. >> oh, santo dios, es el demonio. >> ¿estás bien? >> sí. (tos). >> sólo un poco asustado. >> este fue el problema, el payaso hizo corto circuito. >> en su nariz había fuego, me asusté. >> no, miente este niño. >> papá, papá. >> deshazte de él, es una mala semilla aquí. >> quieres bajar la voz, podría escucharte, sólo fue un accidente. >> accidente, mi trasero. >> basta papá, ya tomamos una decisión. >> muy bien, será la última vez que me vean en su hogar. (maúlla un gato). (grito). >> papá. (grito). (sirena). >> ¿qué sucede? (música). >> a un lado, a un lado. >> despacio, ayúdame. >> deshazte de ese niño, deshazte de él, hazlo, deshazte. (sonido de sirena). >> pobre bola de pelos, no volverá a ser el mismo. >> ¿hablas en serio? es todo lo que te importa tu estúpido gato, que hay del hecho de que papá va camino al hospital o que junior tuvo un traumático primer día, te detuviste a pensar en el pobre niño, debe senti

. >> hola señor helles ¿me recuerda?de campo, atrapé 3 peces, mi papá estaba muy orgulloso de mí. >> largo de aquí. >> junior, vuelve aquí pequeño demonio. junior ¿dónde te has metido? (música). >> perdóname padre porque he pecado. padre, padre, ya no sé qué hacer, es sobre mi hijo, es un problema, hace cosas horribles, horrorosas, mi, mi, padre lo odia, mi esposa lo odia, todos lo odian, bueno todos menos yo, yo tengo conflictos dentro de mí, oh dios he fracasado padre el niño me odia, llegó el momento de aceptar lo que tengo que hacer, lo devolveré al orfanatorio. >> no, no, no lo hagas, sería muy doloroso. (música). >> le llamaré en cinco minutos. >> todo suyo. >> ¿no podríamos discutirlo? >> no hay nada que discutir. >> firmaremos la devolución en este instante. >> malos padres, forman malos hijos. >> ahora resulta que somos malos padres porque odiamos al chico. >> hay algo muy, muy extraño en ese niño. >> no, nos devolverá, está loco. >> se lo llevaron, es suyo. >> eso fue, porque usted nos indujo hacerlo ¿qué podía

abc 7's amy holyfield reports. >> what is hell?t's a place of torment, a place of torment where all the senses and powers of the damned shall have their appropriate torment. >> this clip is from the hour-long video death and the journey to hell. the 23-year-old said she received this video in the mail along with letters urging her not to go through with a gender change. >> what i am doing is evil and that i'm going to burn in hell and that i should die. >> she says one letter was from a clerk that helped other at the dmv. she went in october to change her name and gender on her driver's license. a few days later, the letters and the dvd arrived at her home. >> i'm actually really scared because, you know, this is someone who has all the information that you would get to get a driver's license. >> she says the letter is from dmv employee thomas demartini. he introduces himself as the employee who helped her and said it's his understanding the reason for most gender changes is homosexual walt. he rights if this orientation is the rea

newsom, you are going to go to hell if you do not take care of the poor and the sick." everything you are doing, every minute of what you are doing right now is what it is about in life, and that is giving back, especially to the sick and the four. this man got it. he got into office, and he worked day and night in an area that is extremely unpopular to the wealthy people that give you contributions. the bottom line is it is very difficult. you can admit it. you are lieutenant governor now. we are statewide. there's a bottom line. you run, and it is about the sick and the port, and you do not get a lot of people sending you checks, but he kept with it, and he understands it probably better than any elected official in the united states of america, and now, we are lucky enough to have him on the state level so he carries the ball forward. [applause] in 2003, you could have never told me that one of my proudest acquaintances in my entire life is mayor gavin newsom. [applause] mayor newsom: thank you all for taking the time to be here. it is a pretty remarkable thing to lo

the director here and you describe it as hell?of human contact. >> reporter: this man is kept in isolation, we're told, because he bites. we didn't see the signs of aggression, but we did notice his urine-soaked pants. they have only ten clean sets of clothes for 13 patients a nurse explains. how do you feel when you go home? >> smashed against the floor. >> reporter: it was here deep inside the hospital, where we met juan carlos. perhaps no single person represents the agony of this place better than he does. sent as a child from another institution, he lives in this red helmet with his arms tied behind his back. and he wears the helmet because? he constantly hits his head the director said. the doctor said it's not a good solution, but it's all they can do. in fact, he points out juan carlos is so used to living like this that he becomes agitated when the restraints are off, as we saw for ourselves. >> this is the first time that the -- is coming. >> people that look this dysfunctional really were not this dysfunctional when the

whoa. >> what the hell was that?w, like predator. [ cheers and applause ] >> predator vision. >> the best part was my cameraman, bryan, was right behind us filming, and he didn't see it with the ir camera. we caught it on thermal imaging. >> and i was holding an infrared camera, right there, and as you can see, you can't see it with your own eyes. we were in the middle of a field, nothing. no sound, nothing. but we caught it on the thermal, this bold figure walked by. >> jimmy: we have another clip, too, with the thermal shot. this is another haunted house, you were here. [ raspberry ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a -- >> that's a vaporous anomaly. >> actually, that's -- that piece of footage, i was holding the thermal, grant was standing right in front of me -- >> jimmy: and you're doing a live halloween special. you're going live. >> well, he was saying he saw something. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: you're doing this live halloween thing. it's going to be amazing. it's live from this ab

. >> what is hell? it is a place of torment, a place of torment where all of the senses and powers shall have their appropriate torment. >> reporter: this is from the hour long video death and the journey to hell. 23-year-old amber says she received this video in the mail along with letters urging her not to go through with a gender change. >> what i'm doing is evil and that i'm going to burn in hell and that i should die. >> reporter: she says one letter was from a clerk who helped her at the dmv. office ino the offense in october in san francisco to change her name and gender on her driver's license. a few days late irthe letters and dvd arrived at her home. >> i'm actually really scared. this is someone that has all of the information that you would give to get a driver's license. >> she says the letter is from the dmv many employee and introduces himself as the employee that helped her and says it is his understanding that the reason for most gender changes is homosexuality. he writes if this orient

"so what the hell? let's just go, you know." and i went, and they didn't give me alcohol and drugs, and i was--just spent the entire recording session apologizing, and eventually got through it, got my voice on the film, and got pneumonia and had a great time, and who knew it would end up being what it is? and yet, at the time, you had a thriving career. you had been in the great waldo pepper with robert redford. which is a pretty conventional movie-- mm-hmm. and then you do this film-- you know, "a sweet transvestite from transylvania." where was your agent? where was your manager, saying, "what are you doing?" well, i think they figured out early enough that they were just there as a sounding board, and i think you have to go from your heart, and if there's one thing i've learned when people ask me that are aspiring actors, you know, "what should i do?" i say, "look, you know, follow your heart, "and do the stories that you want to tell, and--because, really, there's no rules." so many of the things that have ended up being re

helles? >> oye, tu cerdo hace ruidos extraños. >> es luis miguel, tiene diarrea. >> ¡santo dios!

to include that hash tag, "ho ho hell no."weet on the show. [ cheers and applause ] it'll be fun. but first, you know my first guest from the popular tv series "how i met your mother" and hit movies like "forgetting sarah marshall," "i love you, man" and "despicable me." starting christmas day, he's starring opposite jack black in "gulliver's travels." give it up for jason segel. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our show. >> little proclaimers from the band, huh? >> jimmy: little proclaimers from the roots. >> yeah, thank you. well done. >> jimmy: you know your music. >> i like it. yeah. >> jimmy: thank you for helping us out with that rockapella thing. >> i wasn't involved in that at all. >> jimmy: me neither. [ light laughter ] me neither. but did you happen to see it while you were getting your makeup on? >> yeah, it was brilliant. [ light laughter ] the harmonies were perfect. >> jimmy: just perfect, right? >> just perfect. >> jimmy: just mind-bendi

we are rebuilding china and our country is going to hell. >> steve: that's the number that came out just about -- >> that's a big number. much higher than they thought. >> steve: they're watching us in the white house. what should they be doing? >> in my opinion, you have to bring jobs back to the united states. you mentioned iowa before.

mack." - what the hell did we send this kid home to?s ] that's so dumb. [ laughter ] nice. [ male announcer ] don't be left behind. get it first with at&t. the nation's fastest mobile broadband network. period. rethink possible. 1 in 6 americans live in hunger. at bank of america, we've created the gift for opportunity fund to support feeding america and the boys & girls clubs' efforts to provide hunger-relief. and we invite our customers, associates and communities to help. every dollar you contribute this season can be matched, dollar for dollar. together we can make twice the difference to help support those in need. ♪ to help support those in need. - it's a cry for help. we have to investigate. - well, don't forget who we're dealing with. - staged her own kidnapping. - look, she's been locked up with a helicopter mom for a year now. this could just be her latest bid for freedom. - "they hurt me." we can't ignore that. - other than the band-aid, i didn't see any marks or bruises on her. - they put things inside her to control her? -

we followed jones through a season from hell. but losing reveals more of a man's character, especially when he's the most innovative, controversial and bombastic owner in the n.f.l. how warm and sunny the future felt in august, as the cowboys walked through the last snaps of training camp. even here in california, fans thronged the sideline to touch the cowboy's star. >> he's the man. he's the franchise. >> pelley: jerry jones is the only owner in the league who is also a celebrity. and he's the only owner who is also the general manager, who picks the players, hires the coaches, runs the business. he earned three super bowl rings doing that and, preseason, he told us how he liked his chances of slipping on a fourth. what do you see out here? >> jerry jones: this, i could argue, is one of the best teams, on paper, that i've been associated with in 22 years. >> pelley: but as the season unfolded, no high hopes could defeat the picks... the fumbles... the rotten breaks. >> tony romo flat on his back, and he was blasted. >> pelley:

articulate a religious perspective which says if you are not born again you are going to hell if you do not use jesus in this way then you are going to hell what you are really saying to that person is not. your life and your existence is also less suited value than someone who embraces this idiology the etiology of the conservative christian. for all that is all they all are to. live that while the authors. head off. while we have. several hundred. stare out. like this is. where all the officers. of the all over the christian military. the world was traced for. over three hours well it all is your. fellow a major general retired. rector campus crusade for christ military ministries vision of campus crusade military ministry is to transform the nations of the world military says we're. still finding just like the revival in the army in northern virginia eight hundred sixty two sixty three there's incredible numbers about a thousand a month i mean the recruit training camps that are coming. in and many more recommitting why is that. clears a man's head and god is using this particular

go to hell. go to hell, you people. >> is there anyone else that will like to comment? public comment is closed. commissioner levitan: i have a question. [chime] my time is up. [laughter] the first is, why do these vehicles have to go on the pathway? >> one of the wonderful things about them going on the pathway is that it allows people with disabilities to experience areas of the parts that cannot otherwise get to. the route to brings us to the very west end of the park which is very hard to get to unless you have a mechanized mode of transportation for folks that are either elderly or young. i should not say that, elderly or disabled. the other reason is because it allows us to experience parts of the park better not on the main route. lots of people make it to the japanese tea gardens. very few people make it to the redwood forests and. -- forest. >commissioner levitan: i don't think that is what the purpose of the vehicle is, but it will become the most popular thing on angel island? what if we become victims of our own success? >> we would monitor this very closely

deeply religious people; not actually that they're doing what they're doing because of heaven and hell, they're doing it for love of their fellow human beings, and that's, i think, something very fine. what's more, that they believe that this love of thr fellow human beings is bound up with their faith, so it's not something, you know, yes, of course, it is absolutely true, they might decide to do this, irrespective of the fact that they have religious faith, but their fah, they feel, is an impulse to do that good. and you know, i don't recognise the description of the work that they do in what christopher has said. in sierra leone, where i was, you have christians and muslims working together to deliver healthcare in that country. that's religion playing a positive role. they're working across the faith divide and doing it, because they again believe that their faith impels them to do that. when we look back in history, yes of course you can see plenty of examples of where religion has played a negative role. you can see great example, for example in the abolition of slavery, where re

>> sure, what the hell? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are your plans? you sticking around?got in-laws in town, just hanging out. >> jimmy: that's fun. are they here tonight? >> yeah, right here. >> jimmy: hey guys, how are you doing? [ cheers and applause ] welcome. nice to see you guys. was it your idea to come to the show? >> of course. >> jimmy: oh -- good man, all right. well, hey, good. all right, here wo go, ready? let's try. let's make this work. >> it's like a woman's medium, or -- >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ >> we're good. we're good. >> jimmy: all right, ready? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that looks really good! that looks really, really good, man. >> appreciate it. >> jimmy: happy holidays, buddy. wear it well. it looks fantastic, pal. >> thanks. >> jimmy: give it up for this guy. it looks fantastic. thank you, buddy! one more round of applause. we'll be right back with "late night hashtags." come on back, you guys! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this aisle isn't big enough for two zeros. ♪ anything you can do, i can do better ♪ ♪ i can do anything better than you ♪

the lieutenant he comes up to me and he goes what the hell happened. i don't know you tell me sir you're the lieutenant. i said do you know i heard a gunshot that went over our heads and i said did you hear he's heard i say it was open fire. i don't know. where when we did the reconnaissance and as we're driving by. as we're driving by the bodies i'm looking down at the at the ground and not seeing any the weapons they were wearing traditional. jolliffe bows and. of course they were soaked in red with blood. now i thought to myself for a split second i said. you know these people didn't have any weapons we just shot at. bunch of one arm. protesters. and then a little voice and then your head goes off in the service well that's war. that's what happens in war. i just i'll be honest with you i chalked it up. i really did i chalked it up. you know. how did we know. so on after we arrived in coochie we didn't know that we had built a basic out above these complex of toggles time so would lose people almost daily by sniper fire or at times of mortar fire. o

>> no. >> boehner: hell, no, you don't! >> stahl: his strategy of defiance worked.on election night, in his victory speech... >> boehner: this is a time to roll up our sleeves. >> stahl: ...the public saw something they probably never expected from mr. "hell no." it was called "the sob heard 'round the world." >> boehner: i've spent my whole life... chasing the american dream. >> stahl: we learned two things that night-- that the speaker- elect is one emotional guy... >> boehner: i put my... myself through school, working every rotten job there was. >> stahl: and that if ever there was an american dream story-- up from nothing-- it's john boehner's. does this look like it did when you were a kid...? >> boehner: kind of. >> stahl: ...when you came to the bar to work? >> boehner: kind of. >> stahl: he spent his childhood working here at andy's, his father's bar in reading, ohio, a factory town outside cincinnati. you worked here from the age of... >> boehner: i was about ten years old. we got to be about nine or ten, and we came in on saturday mornings with dad, and m

who the hell's going to pay for that? is that off budget too? what are the righties going to do in the house when it comes to more appropriations? they'll funnel more money to afghanistan, they'll play the game, oh, president obama is showing weakness, he wants to get the hell out of there. folks, it's been ten years. it's getting worse. a red alert from the red cross, it's worse. do we hear any of this stuff? we should as americans. tell me what you think in our telephone survey. the number to dial tonight is 1-877-ed-msnbc. my question tonight is do you want the house democrats to keep fighting this tax compromise? press the number one for yes. press the number two for no. we'll bring you the results later on in the show. the white house wanted congressional democrats to rollover and play dod this tax compromise and the president's team has been working the phones to get this done and they cannot be happy about what's unfolding tonight. for more let's bring in congressman peter defazio of oregon. congressman, great to have you with us tonight.

[ cheers and applause ] "well, then i'll see you in hell." >> jimmy: god. -- he said, "r2 has been known to make mistakes." and then the door slammed -- "from time to time." and i said, "oh, god!" [ laughter ] >> that's what they missed. >> something that happened to luke 'cause luke kept messing around out there. >> jimmy: yeah, he was screwing around. >> obi-wan kenobi come out of nowhere. "luke, don't go over there." and luke go over there. [ laughter ] if you got a ghost telling you not to do it, don't do it, holmes. you ahead of the game. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're ahead of the game. >> you're ahead of the game. you got obi-wan coming through. [ coughing ] >> jimmy: you have a ghost telling you what not to do. >> yeah! >> jimmy: just listen to the ghost. >> see, his name -- see, regular white people call him obi-wan. black people call him "obi-wann." [ laughter ] "that's obi-wann! yo, obie! yo, what up?" >> jimmy: no one ever said that to obi-wan kenobi. >> yeah. >> jimmy: hey, i got to say -- because, gosh, i love and so -- happy for everything tha

local news reporting i had done, it was a hell of a place to do it, and it was a hell of a time to do it. >> rupert murdoch is an example because he owns the "times" in london, "the sun," news of the world for all i know. and in the united states he has fox news and the "wall street journal." is there a difference? >> i noticed it on "the new york times," having worked on the "financial times" which is a very serious newspaper here. there is, if you like, they say they trust their journalists more, or have much lower standards in terms of fact checking and everything else. they basically leave the journalists to make their own judgments. >> where, in the states? >> no, in the u.k. they made certainly other newspapers, but at many newspapers that means there's less -- there's just a lot of stories that aren't true. the sunday newspapers, someone once said to me the great thing about sundays is stories don't have to be as true, which i thought was rather worrying. that's the kind of way people sometimes talk in the u.k. of course you would never hear that in any serious newspaper in the

a driver who went in for a license, wound up getting a nasty letter warning her about going to hell. >>> medical pot raids with an unusual twist. this time marijuana wasn't the only issue. what the feds were really on the hunt for. >>> it's a cloudy friday and that's going to be the drill. clouds and showers still expected. but the weekend is a completely different story. i'll explain coming up. [ female announcer ] safeway talks gift ideas. music makes a great gift. i like rock, hip-hop, country... and you are telling me this, why? i...uh...thought you might be my secret santa? no. i'm giving for skunk. uh, i can hear you. no. not you. the other skunk. [ female announcer ] safeway is the place to stock up on itunes gift cards. right now, save $6 on a $40 4-pack. keep 'em on hand. only at safeway. ingredients for life. maid become a legal resident. >>> some unions in california are trying to help meg whitman's former maid become a legal resident. the california nurses association is one of them. it's having an auction to raise money for the nikki diaz defense fund. among some of the

who the hell do you think you all are? i analyzed many environmental documents and then i came out and analyzed many seek what documents. over 90% of them have loopholes. over 90%. it came to hunters point. cumulative pollution, transportation documents. you will do not even give a damn. and i am happy some of you are getting turned out. before you get turned out, do not adopt this. it is bad for us. >> hello, supervisors. my name is joan would. i am speaking as an individual. i belong to several preservationist organizations. they are all opposed to this. i have not done the homework that several people here -- where does david fine the time to do the homework? i do know two things for sure. ceqa is a state law. it was put in place for a purpose. the other thing i know is this seems to be a massive gift to the planning department. maybe it is a farewell gift to them. because of the remarks that i have heard here, i do think it needs more study. thank you. >> david tornheim. i have to agree this was a gift for the planning

he's a member of the hell he is angels.e faces a maximum of 23 year in prison if convicted. >> accusations of double dipping after santa clara's long-time fire chief announces he's retiring but also be rehired. fire chief kenneth lavogel will draw both a salary and a pension. he'll get a little more than $236,000 as a consultant and a yearly pension of $200,000. county officials say it's just until they find a new chief. >> a san bruno couple who lost their home and a family member in september's natural gas explosion is out of the hospital. allen and cindy brawn are now talking about one of their biggest concerns, finding their dog lili. allen wong has more. >> okay. >> the instinct to survive the san bruno gas line explosion meant reacting in split seconds and leaving loved one behind. it's really so fast that it's hard to explain how, you know, we barely got out. >> unfortunately cindy brawn's 81-year-old mother, elizabeth torres, did not survive the blast. there's also another family member who's still missing, allen an

. >> plus the conversation with a hell's angel that has san jose police officer facing several charges>> i'm terry mcsweeney live in oakland. wanted, using high-end cars to commit so low-down crimes. talking about robberies and beatings. the story after the break. >> and emergency repair work on a pothole shut down a popular [ alarm clock buzzing, indistinct conversations ] [ female announcer ] important events can sneak up on you. oh, i am not ready. can i have a couple weeks? you could be ready. you could lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks when you replace breakfast and lunch with a fru, ain, and yoplait light. betsy bets. you haven't changed a bit. oh...neither have you... sean. well, yeah. [ female announcer ] go to yoplait.com to start your two week tune up. >> closed captioning brought to you by mancini sleepworld. ♪ bells ringing on wall street. can you hear it? it's kind of faint, but it's there. home prices are dropping in the nation's largest cities and are expected to fall through next year. the case-shiller index says the worst declines in areas with high numbers of foreclosures. you

court records show santa clara confidential information to a hell's angels member because he owed the biker money. clay rojas was indicted by a federal grand jury in san jose on charges that he supplied private department of motor vehicles information about people to a member of the santa cruz chapter of the hells angels. rojas was ordered to spend the christmas weekend at santa clara county jail in san jose pending a detention hearing wednesday. it was not immediately clear monday whether the federal case would supersede or be distinct from a complaint filed in october by santa clara county prosecutors. the shooter who injured a team over night. in addition happened at fillmore around 10:00 p.m. last night the victim had apparently been involved in a verbal argument with three-five other teenagers the victim was taken to hospital that he has injuries that are said not to be life-threatening. let's go outside and give you a quick look comes in francisco cloudy but not soggy. in those clubs there the whole lot of rain. if you miss the forecast we have another one coming up shortly thri

charges. 36-year-old clay rojas is accused of passing confidential information to a member of the hells angels. the "chronicle" reports says a federal indictment says he owed bettencourt money. both were arrested on state charges in october. >>> some people in the south bay are upset about double dipping by a retired firefighter. he will continue working as santa clara county's fire chief until a new chief is hired. according to the "san jose mercury news," waldvogel will be paid his $200,000 a year pension plus $113 an hour based on his $236 salary. >> it doesn't sound right. double dipping is the specialty of wall street. >> i really don't think we need to spend the money like that when we're laying off other firefighters that we need or policemen we need. there should be a way around it. >> chief waldvogel says he will not stay on at his old job after next june. >>> the major airports in the east coast back open this morning. that's the good news. they had two days after a massive blizzard hit the northeast two days of bad snow. while things are moving again, it could still be days b

what the hell do i know?y: we'll ask jon what he thinks of christine o'donnell and the first amendment right after this. ♪ fare thee well ♪ farewell ♪ mr. gloom be on your way ♪ ♪ though you haven't any money you can still be bright and sunny ♪ ♪ sing polly wolly doodle all the day ♪ ♪ hah >> larry: we're back with jon stewart. "the daily show." the book "earth," we'll talk about that in a little while. number one, "new york times." big rally in washington. day before halloween. what do you make of the lady in delaware? >> the lady in delaware? >> larry: miss o'donnell. >> christine o'donnell? like i say, this is -- it doesn't look like she's going to be victorious. but i also think the idea she said some things on television 20 years ago and that's evidence that she's somehow off balance, again -- >> larry: you don't buy that? >> i also think it's like everything else. you focus on the wrong thing. for me, that should be great comedic fodder. witchcraft, masturbation. that's my house. that's where i live. i'

- hell - ha! why don't you try a home cooked meal... with yummy hamburger helper? oh! tada!. one pan... one tasty meal! with not having enough food. that's why i've teamed up with feeding america d hamburger helper®. when you buy hamburger helper® you can helpeeding america deliver a meal to a local food bank. visit this website to see how you canelp. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we got an awesome show coming up tomorrow night. my pal the hilarious paul rudd is going to be here. [ cheers and applause ] from the new film "casino jack" the very funny jon lovitz will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] it'll be great to see lovitz. and we have music from aloe black, it's gonna be really good. -- tomorrow night, check out the show. but first -- i'm so excited. our next guest is a music icon who just released her first holiday album "a chrtmas cornucopia." here to perform, "god rest ye merry gentlemen," please welcome annie lennox. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ god rt ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay ♪ ♪ for jesus christ our saviour was born on christmaday ♪ ♪ to

recently set aside over 120 million acres of -- what the hell? [ applause ] >> oh, no. hideous.he looks like a giant elf. >> you're absolutely right. he looks like a character elf. you're absolutely right. we've got to get you some man jegings. >> probably not. in another life. >> i might surprise you. check your mail. all right, joe. thanks. >>> serious stuff up next, a dramatic new perspective of the war in afghanistan. wikileaks cables telling a grim story of massive corruption at every level of the afghan government. what does that mean for the multi billion dollar war? we're keeping them honest. and later another death in the disney-designed community five miles south of the magic kingdom. s.w.a.t. teams, a suicide and the first murder in 14 years. what in the world is going on in the town they call celebration. nothing beats a sale! wrong move! you. you can save up to half off that sale when you name your own price on priceline. but this one's a deal...trust me. it's only pretending to be a deal. here, bid $79. got it. wow! you win this time good twin! there's no disguisin

tickets to hell. [ applause ] this one is for john boehner.[ laughter ] what a damn crybaby that guy is, huh? never trust a girly man that cries like that. what a kick he is. this one is for george soros. it's a t-shirt that says, "i collapsed four economies and all i got with this damn t-shirt." [ applause ] this one is for michelle obama. 500 pounds of sausage. well, it was. it ate most of it on the way over. god bless, michelle obama. it's been a tough year for santa. i have the elves organizing with seiu. can you imagine -- i have to take this damn thing off. [ applause ] >> thank you. thank you! [ applause ] >> this is what santa will look like soon. don't touch santa claus. don't touch santa claus. if you're going to touch santa claus, don't touch him there. getting ready? put the eyebrows on. they're nice, aren't they? it's like andy rooney. have you ever wondered why santa has creepy eyebrows? and the mustache. oh, yes, i am santa claus. especially with the boots. yes, who has been naughty and who has been nice, yes? i love the fact th