>> i'm going to miss you like a hemorrhoid. >> it doesn't mean i like him.e to manage him while he's here. >> now during one of his regular check-ins, the lieutenant has noticed something inside one of his shoes. >> what's that? >> what? >> it's bad enough i have to take a quarter off. it's a quarter. it's a quarter. probably fell out of somebody's pocket. you're not going to like me. >> i bet you're not going to like me even more. >> that's a possibility. but you're not going to like me today. hey, steve, i got to tear the cell apart. ♪ >> having already found contraband, the lieutenant orders a full shakedown of the cell. soon, officers find more money. but in this case, they're sheets of photo copied bills. >> you show it to me and i am going to show it to you. >> all right. >> the faces on most of the bills have been replaced of images of goodell and his cellmate, christopher gonzalez. >> where did you get the money to make the copies? >> out of my discovery, because it's part of the evidence. so i made the copies. >> i think this one is my favorite. you

>> i'm going to miss you like a hemorrhoid. >> it doesn't mean i like him.ot bringing him over to my house for thanksgiving dinner. i have to manage him while he's in this facility. >> now during one of his regular check-ins with goodell, the lieutenant notices something inside one of his shoes. >> what's that? >> what? >> it's bad enough i have to take a quarter off you. >> you got it on film. >> it's a quarter. it's a quarter. probably fell out of somebody's pocket. you're not going to like me. >> i bet you could not like me even more. >> that's a possibility. but you're not going to like me today. hey, steve, i got to tear the cell apart. ♪ >> having already found contraband, the lieutenant orders a full shakedown of the cell. soon, officers find more money. all denominations. but in this case, they're sheets of photocopied bills. >> you stay down there. i'll show it to you. >> you show it to me and i am going to show it to you. >> all right. >> the faces on most of the bills have been replaced with images of goodell and his cellmate, christopher gonzalez

>> $5,000 just to get your hemorrhoids fixed for life? i don't so. think this is grabbing -- melissa: is there mental anguish like post-tramatic stress disorder? >> everybody goes through negligent affair, medical malpractice sues for medical damages and paverring and this would be -- pain and suffering. this is offset of that of. it wasn't permanent and didn't last a long time, couple days. everybody got off the boat safely. so this is just a typical thing. melissa: is this negotiation? will they get a dime? >> that is exactly what i was going to say. they are going to start this high. here is how carnival screwed up other than their ship falling apart. melissa: other than torturing passengers. >> other than torturing passengers. beyond that, recompense, here is fee fare. hello, you think you want to get on that? >> not only that, not only that, days later we will spend $350 million upgrading boats and having safety measures so this doesn't happen again. brings you back to the argument they knew. melissa: they knew. >> you knew the boats were not th

] because i was sitting on a hemorrhoid donut.en i saw it -- when i watched it on tv, i was like, that looks so much like a tennessee williams play bill. then i asked tara doi meanelly, our amazing graphics gal at "snl" and probably here -- >> seth: she is, yeah. >> yeah, why not? everybody getting all these extra jobs. >> seth: yeah. absolutely. [ laughter ] >> she made it up. i was like, "can you give me like, a 1960s play bill?" i wish i would've brought it. >> seth: yeah. actually, i didn't even think of it until just now. >> i will send it to you and you can tweet that son of a bitch. >> seth: thank you. last thing real quick. [ laughter and applause ] "scared straight", a scene you did with keenan thompson. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: keenan thompson plays a guy, an ex-con -- >> yeah. >> seth: who comes to school and tries to scare kids. i should say current con. >> yeah. >> seth: tries to scare kids straight. you played the cop in this scene. you were the cop, you introduced him and then he would and in the end you would have one l

. >> fresh blood on the napkin is usually hemorrhoids as a result of constipation. if it's deeper, you get colonoscopy. milk of magnesia is great. >> can you take that every day? >> you don't want to. this is just a short-term. more than that, you want to see your doctor. metamucil is great. and get seven to eight glasses of water. >> sleep, folks, sleep. >> doctors, thanks. sometimes we have to tackle the tough ones. >> talking about a tough one, after this winter, allergy season, it's coming up with the spring about to bud whenever spring comes. guess what? they say this allergy season could be one of the worst on record, so on if you have allergies and you suffer and you have problems, what should i do? our doctors will give their advice about allergy season as we continue on "sunday housecall." those litt things still get you. cialis tadalafil for daily use helps you be ready anytime the moment is right. cialis is also the only daily ed tablet helpsapproved to treattime the msymptoms of bph, like needing to go freently. tell yr doctor about all your medical cond

. >> we thought it was hemorrhoids for someone my age, colon cancer wasn't on anyone's radar. >> i didassic symptoms of bleeding or throwing up or anything in my stool. >> i had one day where i had a loose stool, next day, a hard stool. >> there was a mass the size of a lemon that they found in my colon. so we quickly decided to have it removed. >> yes, there is hope. and, yes, i will find treatment. >> they did chemo and radiation for me and so it was pretty brutal, six months. >> i'm currently on chemo therapy treatments every two weeks. and i keep going. >> i talk to everybody i can. i tell everybody. have you got screened? have you got your blood checked? what are you waiting for? don't wait until 50. >> somebody on my father's side and somebody on my mother's side had colon cancer and nobody spoke about it. i was already genetically predisposed to have colon cancer. >> i look at myself as a walking reminder that cancer can be beaten. it can be survived. >> beautiful grandson, i never thought i would meet him and i'm here. and i met him. i'm blessed. i have a great life. >> well, h