not get into hogwarts?ne of her companies in england and i... [clicks tongue, snaps] what's that american expression you taught me? beefed it. - yeah. keep using that. - after my public humiliation, i decided to come to america to prove to her that i'm worthy of carrying on the family business. - your gram sounds like a tough woman. reminds me of my ex-wife, darlene. she was bossy, manipulative. she made me cut off my ponytail. what's that? you think i should grow it back? pfft, okay. - it's fine. i'm sure gram will understand. - no, wait. hey, you know what? i will go to dinner with you. - really? - yeah, if only to teach you how to stand up to a monstrous woman. - no, chuck, i really need this to go well. - she's buying, right? because i will be ordering a bowl of soup as an appetizer. not a cup. - chuck-- - i know. people say i'll fill up, but you have no idea how my body processes soup. [playful dramatic music] - [sighs] okay, wendelson, the answer is in here and you have all day to find it. ♪ [sighs] o

. >> stephen: like hogwarts and that kind of stuff. >> yes, and it was amazing.into the books it was really amazing. and we got a v.i.p. thing, because i'm very famous. ( laughter ). >> stephen: yes, you're worth protesting. >> exactly, thank you. for, like, literally only $100 extra, you're allowed to just straight up (bleep) daniel radcliffe. >> stephen: wow, wow. >> hundred. nozz pounds. >> stephen: a c-note. >> on your terms, too. >.>> stephen: i wish he put it in the bank. i feel bad for him. that's a lovely thought. >> yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) >> stephen: speaking of lovely thought. it's all show and tell here tonight. >> i love all the pictures tonight. >> stephen: you have done something nice-- mind if i show you this thing. this is your actual lawyer? >> this is my real lawyer, yes. so what i did-- he's, like, a really good lawyer. he's a good guy -- >> stephen: nobody is saying he's not. >> i just felt like, "sure, schumer, from long island, you have a great lawyer." but, but-- and serious -- >> stephen: an entertainment lawyer. >> an entertainment lawy

i feel like, no matter what i do, i'm just going to turn 30 and get a hogwarts letter from i.s.i.s. (y house with a beard and says, you're a terrorist, ramy, you have been one the whole time and we start in september. i'll be, like, yeah, cool, do i get a wand? i'd join i.s.i.s. if they gave me a wand. a wand is way cooler than democracy. seriously. that's not real. i don't know what is real anymore. like, i agree with trump when he says fake news. all thes in feels fake because none of it really affects me. like i see this tragedy on a screen and i'm sad, but then i have my day, and it's fine. like, i remember if day the muslim ban happened. i was upset. i have family that doesn't have citizenship. you know, i want to see them again. but personally, i had a really good day. ( laughter ) that day, i got cast in a taco bell commercial. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so, yeah. i'm watching tv and this guy is, like, this is a terrible day for all muslims. i'm like, well... not "all" muslims. ( laughter ) and it was this shell made out of fried chicken, and i had this line i had to say. i go,

i feel like, no matter what i do, i'm just going to turn 30 and get a hogwarts letter from isis. ( is real anymore. like, i agree with trump when he says fake news. all the news feels fake because none of it really affects me. like i see this tragedy on a screen and i'm sad, but then i have my day, and it's fine. like, i remember the day the muslim ban happened. i was upset. i have family that doesn't have citizenship. you know, i want to see them again. but personally, i had a really good day. ( laughter ) that day, i got cast in a taco bell commercial. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so, yeah. i'm watching tv and this guy is, like, this is a terrible day for all muslims. i'm like, "well... not all muslims." ( laughter ) and it was this shell made

prognostication, if he does he should leave university of cambridge and join the psychic hotline or better yet hogwartsce. stuart: he is basing his gloom and doom forecast essentially on climate change. that is what it is all about. >> not just that. overpopulation. he is worried about these near-earth objects, objects that come perilously close to impacting the earth. he is talking about drug resistant diseases, there is whole laundry list, believe me, i'm on board. we have a lot of problems but, again, where i fault him is to make this very specific prediction 100 years from now the clock is ticking since last november, he said with near certainty, those were his words we had 1000 words. so what changed? stuart: brings discredit on whole idea of scientific prognosis looking into the future. >> exactly. stuart: discredits look into the future. look, we've got, we found some scientists found unexpected source of, what some are calling climate cooling. >> yeah. stuart: i want to know what you think about that. arctic waters absorbing vast amounts of carbon dioxide. that creates they say a cooling effect

we had to board the hogwarts express. >> this is so cool.ready to do it again? all right. >> with all that activity, my little man was hungry. we leave "jurassic park" for the hottest new restaurant at universal. oh, my goodness. look at this. chocolate emporium. how cool is that? >> it's so cool. >> should ke do it? >> yeah. >> let's do it. i'm beating you. >> look at the menus. i say we get hamburgers. here we go. hit the spot. >> ready for the cherry on top? i mean, literally, check out these desserts. >> oh, my goodness. >> oh, my gosh. >> these sweetest ending to the perfect day. >> we came. we saw. we conquered. >> cheers. >> silly. >> i'll take that. >> who had more fun. >> i know. first of all, let me thank the resorts for showing us such a great time. i had a moment i'll remember for the rest of my life. the very first ride we did together, a roller coaster. i've never been with him on a roller coaster. he was so brave. hearing the squeals of excitement, i mean, it was just a sound i'd never heard come out of his body. i'll never fo