[laughter] >> i wanted to call that segment "hot chicks making animal noises," but i could not do that it in good faith, so we called it "above average girls making animal noises," and quite frankly, that's being a bit generous. [laughter] that's integrity. see you next week. goodnight! [applause] [eagle caw] >> stephen: tonight, a rift in the gop: some deny global warming, others deny climate change. [laughter] then, hollywood takes on gun safety. and yet they ignore how many younglings are cut down by light sabers. [laughter] and my guest, roger hodge, is editor of the oxford american magazine, which has been called the "new yorker of the south." the dogs in their cartoons don't go to psychiatrists, they go to shooting ranges. [laughter] ted nugent will attend the state of the union tonight. or as deer call it, the greatest night of their lives. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] come on! [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. , ladies and gentlemen. thank y

. >> we've got a hot chick leading on nascar and i'm betting on wayne rogers favorite stock and that's ford. >> brenda: gary b, bull or bear. >> bear, i think that road is in row 33 at this point. >> brenda: and your prediction, gary b. >> i like sam adams? why? because toby and i are going to be sitting around drinking it from a can and i think that the stock is up 30% in a year. >> brenda: jonas, bull or bear. >> and i like my wine in a box, beer in a can. toby, go ahead, your prediction. >> another business and america is doing well, is the wind brands and a pretty good play and-- >> well, john, i know you've been drinking with toby every once in a while. bull or bear? >> toby drinks wine out of a paper bag. >> and jonas your prediction. >> and fast food down to 11%, little fast good and good for united national food, the food distributors of the-- >> when have you had a french fry. >> he's likeking on it. overpriced. >> brea: fast food, fast show. coming up cavuto on business, he will neil, take it away. >> and california, texas and new york, going to south dakota, oregon, washingt

. >> we've got a hot chick leading on nascar and i'm betting on wayne rogers favorite stock and that's> brenda: gary b, bull or bear. >> bear, i think that road is in row 33 at this point. >> brenda: and your prediction, gary b. >> i like sam adams? why? because toby and i are going to be sitting around drinking it from a can and i think that the stock is up 30% in a year. >> brenda: jonas, bull or bear. >> and i like my wine in a box, beer in a can. toby, go ahead, your prediction. >> another business and america is doing well, is the wind brands and a pretty good play and-- >> well, john, i know you've been drinking with toby every once in a while. bull or bear? >> toby drinks wine out of a paper bag. >> and jonas your prediction. >> and fast food down t

hot chick, exactly right. and there, if you just go to google search and put in, you know, hot girl, graffiti girl, we have one that has -- a picture -- was it your presentation that had the picture of the girl with that tagging on the side of her? there's tons of that out there. just grab one. just drop it out where her face ain't showing. once they see that picture right there, woo, i like it. you're going to get more and more that way. you also get some other things that go along with that. okay. we had a 56 year old man try to pick me up. [laughter] >> he's like, really like your tattoo. like really? so, i sent him over to icac, internet crimes against children and they worked him and got him to deal with his thing. but you will see some different things on here. the greatest thing, though, is using this for you to help combat the graffiti. again, the biggest part is to use it for -- any of my templates, take my name out thereof and send it that way, okay. i'll probably take it out for you when i send it to

he left his wife and hooks up with every hot chick in new york city. >> his only protection is a strict doorman. >> and a condom. >> the irony was cat stevens called for his death apparently which i thought was funny. he would ride into town on a peace train and stab him to death. >> i have two solutions for this. katherine bigelow should have him accept the offer and he can do it in disguise. he can do it dressed as a fat person. there is a show called talk here in england where they have a guy who is testing automobiles. why doesn't he have his own show? it is a reality show about being -- what do you call it when you go to witness relocation? >> you can wear the same mask as the mu jigs. >> there was a magician that gave it away. >> you know who hates him? magicians. >> i love how the seal saw the movie "zero dark 30" and said it was too long. there were mistakes in the movie. >> it was really long. i judge a movie's length by the numbness of my butt. >> how is the movie doing? did he move back in? >> he can start an escort service because he delivered 70 virgins to a tall, hairy guy

>> i agree with everything this hot chick said. it is sexist if you change your approach. i notice when you are dealing leftists who come after "red eye" and you watch them make horrible jokes, but you are blind to what they are doing, i don't have a problem with christie's weight. i would rather have a fat capitalist than a skinny socialist from kenya. >> and those are our only two choices. >> and straw man. >> tucker, what thank you make of christie's response of the white house doctor. you had bill chris stall saying it may be his thin skin. >> if you eat a donut on letterman you can't get mad for people mocking you as fat. doctors shouldn't diagnose people they mefer met. and there was this past week a coach fired from an alabama high school for pointing out that mr. obama has a big butt. he was canned for that. i would like to live in a world where you can make observations and joke about people and not get fired. >> as far as the doctor thing goes, christie seems to take the jokes about his weight pretty well. he makes them himself. a doctor was making a medical diag

>> i agree with everything this hot chick said. it is sexist if you change your approach. i notice when you are dealing leftists who come after "red eye" and you watch them make horrible jokes, but you are blind to what they are doing, i don't have a problem with christie's weight. i would rather have a fat capitalist than a skinny socialist from kenya. >> and those are our only two choices. >> and straw man. >> tucker, what thank you make of christie's response of the white house doctor. you had bill chris stall saying it may be his thin skin. >> if you eat a donut on letterman you can't get mad for people mocking you as fat. doctors shouldn't diagnose people they mefer met. and there was this past week a coach fired from an alabama high school for pointing out that mr. obama has a big butt. he was canned for that. i would like to live in a world where you can make observations and joke about people and not get fired. >> as far as the doctor thing goes, christie seems to take the jokes about his weight pretty well. he makes them himself. a doctor was making a medical diag

hot do. a lot of thyme you don't know what's inside of them. or you can buy a chickhot dog that is 100 percent chicken and serve it on a whole grain bun. >> is chicken better than a turkey dog? >> it depends. factor in the fat with chicken or turkeyment. >> you say make spin match pizza. >> my kids love this. you can buy it in the store. instead of adding pepperoni you add spinach. >> they will eat it? >> they will. >> we are going to try that one. >> macaroni and cheese another spap tell. what can you do to make it healthier? >> switch to a whole grain noodle real cheese. >> 100 percent whole wheat or sprouted weight and use real cheese instead of powder cheese or cheese products. this isn't real cheese. >> not velvetta or craft singles a real cheddar cheese? >> exactly. >> you are going to come to my house and feed my kids we will try it. >> the name of the web site? >> mom dishes it out. >> it is now 6 minutes after -- before the hour. coming up on "the rundown" who can say no to a face like this? this horrible place this puppy was found and we will tell you where

hot chicks! them, put them in boiling water for about 15 minutes and it will recharge the chemicals and you can just keep on going back. >> steve: look at this, right now we're at 77 here in the studio. this is something my wife and i, i like it a little cooler in the house. she likes it a little warmer. i like it cooler 'cause it's cheap. tell us about the nest. >> this isn't going to solve that problem, per se. but it learns your heating patterns. so as you and your wife continue to go back and battle, it will learn who is going over there and it will adjust the heat during the times of day you usually adjust it. >> steve: at 2:00 o'clock in the afternoon, it goes up to 85 degrees, then it will know every day at 2:00 o'clock it goes up to 85. >> you slight it up. also has a smart phone app. so your in-laws come and you're out of the house, they jack up the heat, get on your smart phone. >> brian: here we go, socks. >> socks, we got gloves, scarves themes are all from warmer wear. as long as you

chick cross the hill? >> to get to the other side. maybe there were hot dogs and nachos and beer and a concession stand on that side. >> that would have been you? >> maybe. if there were hot dogs. >>> some dudes test out exploding arrows. >> found in crisis three video game. does it really work? >> find out if what's in the video game can be a reality. >>> it's the good old can you please stop talking about me prank. >> please stop talking about me. >> like you ran into a nut in the park. >> see what people say, after saying nothing at all. >>> the guys from rated r are making exploding arrows. >> breakdown is where i take your favorite parts of movies and video games and create them in real life. >> testing the exploding arrows from the predator bow found in crisis 3, a video game. see if it works. first he starts off with a arrow at a watermelon with a delayed explosion. watch. >> whoa. >> annihilates the watermelon. see the arrow go half way through and then detonate. explains how he made the delayed explosion. >> i have something at the tip of the arr

chick cross the hill? >> to get to the other side. maybe there were hot dogs and nachos and beer and a concession stand on that side. >> that would have been you? >> maybe. if there were hot dogs. >>> some dudes test out exploding arrows. >> found in crisis three video game. does it really work? >> find out if what's in the video game can be a reality. >>> it's the good old can you please stop talking about me prank. >> please stop talking about me. >> like you ran into a nut in the park. >> see what people say, after saying nothing at all. get whatever you want, baby. hmm. let's just share a 20 piece. [ internal ] 20 mcnuggets, for only $4.99? oh, man. she's beautiful smart and sensible. jackpot. [ crewperson ] anything else? [ male announcer ] mcdonald's crispy, juicy chicken mcnuggets are now part of the extra value menu. so you get the tastes you love at a price you'll love even more. guess who's going to the game? [ internal ] thank you. [ male announcer ] the simple joy of having more to love. >>> the guys from rated r are making exploding arrows. >

how chick flicks are creating unrealistic expectations for some couples. [ roasting firewood ] ♪ ♪ many hots are within you. try pepto-bismol to-go it's the power of pepto but it fits in your pocket. now tell the world daniel... of pepto-bismol to-go. [ male announcer ] when you wear dentures you may not know that your mouth is under attack, from food particles and bacteria. try fixodent. it helps create a food seal defense for a clean mouth and kills bacteria for fresh breath. ♪ ♪ fixodent, and forget it. [ other merv ] welcome back to the cleaning games. let's get a recap, merv. [ merv ] thanks, other merv. mr. clean magic eraser extra power was three times faster on permanent marker. elsewhere against dirt, it was a sweep with scuffed sports equipment... had it coming. grungy phones... oh! super dirty! and grimy car rims... wow! that really works! ...all taking losses. it looks like mr. clean has won everything. the cleaning games are finished? and so are we. okay, but i just took a mortgage out on the cabinet. [ male announcer ] clean more, work less, with the mr. clean magic eraser ext

when it's with chicks, are you that committed -- me and my friend whoever think you are hot.> caller: i was a boy scout at one time, and now i'm hearing the stuff like the gays and stuff going like into the boy scouts and you realize that these are children that are starting to develop into taking all of the merit badges and give community service and worrying how to become a man. what would happen if the person got molested in >> oh, my god! >> caller: see, that's where i'm going -- >> stephanie: so you are equating home sexuality with pedophilia. did you know the large percentage of pedophiles are heterosexuals. >> caller: uh-huh. but the boy scouts of america could be responsible. >> there have been gays in the boy scouts all along. >> caller: i didn't know that. but they might have liability and stuff like that and then the traumatic experience to the child. >> stephanie: well, we need to ban the catholic church immediately. i'm confused how does letting gay boys in the boy scouts lead to -- i'm confused. >> caller: well who knows, say not a scout master but some boy scou