i> <i>i promise you, if you can aski> <i>him."i> on the democratic side, hillary clinton has an eight-point lead nationally on bernie sanders. here in nevada two days before the caucuses, they are neck and >> we're going to convince people to caucus on saturday! >> reporter: nevada has suddenly become a crap-shoot for clinton, her double-digit lead evaporating after sanders won big in the granite state. >> we surprise them in new hampshire. we're going to surprise them here in nevada. >> reporter: clinton has spent the past year courting nevada's large latino population. >> well, we're going to get a path to citizenship, a path to citizenship. that's what we want, right? >> reporter: but vermont senator's message also plays well in the state hardest hit by the foreclosure crisis. >> you have lived through the greed and illegal behavior of wall street. >> reporter: nevada's largest union, the culinary workers, has decided not to endorse either candidate after backing president obama in '08. >> oba

<i>reduced risk i> <i>of strokei> <i>plus lessi> <i>major bleeding.i> <i>ask your doctor...i> ...if switching... ...to eliquis is right for you. >>> to tonight, and el chapo. his lawyer telling a radio station now that if el chapo is extradited to the u.s., he will plead guilty in exchange for a reasonable sentence. part of that sentence, allegedly including being held in a medium security prison. >>> we turn to sea world tonight, and for the first time, admitting it asked employees to pose as animal rights activists to get information on groups such as peta, to learn about their upcoming tactics. >>> cole's announcing tonight it will be closing 18 stores, following another quarter of disappointing earnings. sales down 20%. the retail giant will release a list next month. >>> and, getting ready to make his first oscar appearance, vice president joe biden tonight, set to introduce lady gaga's performance. they're expected to highlight the issue of sexual abuse against women. >>> when we come back here tonight, will sylvester stallone deliver a knockout punch at the osc

i> <i>so is everybody excited for thei> <i>weekend?i> <i>( cheers and applause )i> <i>i am. are you guys going to have fun? i am completely pumped because tomorrow is primary in nevada, and the big question in vegas is, "will luck be a lady tomorrow or will luck be a cranky old man in a rumpled suit?" and something has emerged that is potentially damaging to hillary clinton's campaign, and it's hillary clinton-- it's true-- who has been dogged by questions trustworthiness, and here she is yesterday with our friend scott pelley. you know in 1976, jimmy carter famously said, "i will not lie to you". >> well, i will tell you, i have tried in every way i know how, literally from my years as a young lawyer, all the way through my time as secretary of state to level with the american people. >> some people are going to call that wiggle room that you gave yourself there. >> well, no. >> jimmy carter said, "i will never lie to you." >> you know, you're asking me to say, "have i ever?" i don't believe i ever have. i don't believe i ever have. i don't believe i ev

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<i>reduced risk i> <i>of strokei> <i>plus lessi> <i>major bleeding.i> <i>ask your doctor......if switching... ...to eliquis is right for you. >>> finally, we will never forget the horror of newt many lost, her beautiful voice, not forgotten. >> ready and go. ♪ >> reporter: perhaps you remember the voice of anna marquez green. just 6 years old when she was killed in her classroom at sandy hook elementary in newtown. anna was the daughter of jazz saxophonist jimmy green. >> anna loved to live. chef was a beautiful little girl. above all, she was a very generous and loving child. >> reporter: jimmy turned to his music to deal with his grief. >> music is a language in and of itself. and it's a language, for me, that kind of picks up where words leave off. >> reporter: writing a song called "anna's way." ♪ anna had a way about her >> reporter: recording an album, "beautiful life" to honor anna's life. with help from more than 40 musicians and technicians who volunteered their time. >> they said, you know, we want to donate 100% donate the production of a recording, at whateve

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i love to study, i love to read. i think i took that after her as well. i'm the kind of person i will help someone else and i will do for others. that i think i got from her. much of who i am today i am because of the way she raised me. and she also said to us, your circumstances do not have to control, you can be anything you want. but if you want to stay in a certain place, you can do that too. but i want you to move forward. so she believed in me and taught me to believe in myself. and so when i look at where i am and the things i've accomplished in my life, i give a lot of the credit to her. >> do you have any idea why your mother thought -- every parent thinks their child can do anything. here your mother is living in this segregated system, limited by her own lack of education. >> right. >> what made her believe that you -- not you her child, but you, a black child -- could rise out of this, out of this segregated system? what made her think that you could surpass the circumstances of lynchburg? this racial caste system? >> i think you would have to

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i mean, i really do. i think, "lord, i hope that' god." 'cause sometimes i feel like i get carried away. you know how they're playin', singin'... and the music, the drums... and then the service ends and you get out in the parking lot and you're sitting there in the car staring at the steering wheel. and they've all gone home and you're sitting there. "man, they took me. they took me. they took me." oh, i never feel good after i give a big offering. i feel horrible for days, asking god, "confirm that. if this is really, let three camels walk in this building right now, in the name of... if this is really you tellin' me." well, the camels didn't walk in. >> but i knew his voice. the following sunday morning -- i did. i sowed another thousand the next day, in the television station. the following sunday went to preach for a preacher in dallas and the holy spirit spoke to me to plant another thousd in their church that morning. and all that afternoon i was just like, i was just in a state. i was. i was just like a melancholy. and at 5:00 that

i was laying i hit the ground with the left side of my face and i rolled over and i looked and i said this is horrible, what do i do. i just hit a bomb and i need my medic to assess the casualties. the medic came running up and said get away from me and saved my guys. i'm not going to go out crying or anything. i'm going to do my job and within ten months in the helicopter and from there i was rushed into surgery instead leave me alone until i can get back up and my little girl i wasn't going to see again because she was only six months old. from that time until after the surgery where he flew with me and then from washington and germany. i woke up on the 14th to find out what happened to me but from there it was to the 17th in five weeks i was an outpatient come, had my left hand finally put on and then i was taking my first steps around the track so i was fortunate. [applause] >> i'm jeanie nichols from ohio. [inaudible] >> i hate to admit this. i have to wake up at 2:30. but i don't know what it is i like to watch scary movies, so i'm stuck myself watching them. i can't run away so

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i> <i>doublei> <i>your moneyi> <i>backi> <i>guarantee.that's always discreet. two words: ialt hes.e different? how? with heat. unlike creams and rubs that mask the pain, thermacare has patented heat cells that penetrate deep to increase circulation and accelerate healing. let's review: heat, plus relief, plus healing, equals thermacare. the proof that it heals is you. >> pelley: in the house of windsor, there's trouble about, so we sent mark phillips to sniff it out. >> reporter: normally, as far as they can manage it, what happens he but the special 90th queen's birthday issue of the high-society "town & country" magazine contains the spectacular revelation of a family ripped of such vicious infighting that a psychologist had to be called in, a rift between the queen's corgis, the dog breed she's famously fond of. >> there were a number of fights, and fights -- >> reporter: between the dogs. >> between the dogs. >> reporter: let alone between the families, between the dogs. pet psychologist roger mugford calmed the corg

i am so sorry. i am so sorry. i will fix it right away. okay, thank you. [ sighs ] adam, please be there. please be there. [ telephone rings ] >> luca: oh, hey. maybe that' s your father. don' t you want to pick it up and share the news about how i bested you? >> adam: you can leave now. >> luca: oh, come on. cheer up, adam. things will go much more smoothly now that we have a mutual understanding. still, i' ll keep my eyes on you in case you try to do something foolish. >> adam: please, dear lord. tell me you' re finished. >> luca: no. just remember that i have all the cards now, okay? as well as noah' s fate in my hands. you know, i can' t wait to see the look on victor' s face when he learns how the balance of power has shifted. >> adam: yeah, i can' t wait to see it, either, because when he finds out what you' re gonna wish you never came to this town. my son and i used to watch the red carpet shows on tv now, i'm walking them. life is unpredictable one thing i need to be predictable is to be flake free. because i have used head and us

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i love intrigue. i will stay and help you. yeah-- but-- i-- i-- i know that. but i really don't need any of your help. i have everything under control. you see, if i can see the princess tonight and tomorrow night and the next night, and-- everything will work out exactly the way i want it to. do you think i would leave you at the mercy of those kidnappers and rubulkien the deadly? yes, i know. but i don't-- you said you need oil? yes. then i will watch rubulkien for you, [claps] no. no, really, i-- congratulations, major nelson. [daughter] sometimes the hallways felt like a giant maze. [mother] jenny didn't feel like going to school, and she slept during the day and was up at night. she seemed irritable all the time. [daughter] it felt like there was a weight on my shoulders. and the weight was really hard to hold up. [mother] one day my daughter was crying, that's when jenny told us she thought about hurting herself. [daughter] then my parents got me treatment. that's when the bad feelings started to go away. hey dad! how 'bout this one? t nice try. hey. try

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after five-- >> they wanted to see a thousand faces. >> but how much-- no, i-i-- i was up-- i swear i was up to about 30. [ laughter ] i mean, how many faces can ya-- i said, "when are they gonna laugh?" oh. [ laughter ] i mean, i don't-- i don't know. >> then you went with sid caesar, the old "show of shows," with, uh, that mad, crazy group. >> he was the best. i woulda been a comic, 10 years earlier, but he was such a great vehicle-- >> yeah. >> for my passion. he could do anything. he mimicked people. i mean, he didn't do bogard, he didn't do cagni. he just did people-- recognizable types. he really was incredibly talented. >> he did everything phonetically. sid's been on the show. you know, he did great phonetic german-- french, uh, spanish, japanese-- whatever. >> he's great. he's rea-- he's really-- and he's still great. and the problem with television is that it eats you up, like little link sausages, every week, so-- >> right. >> it's difficult to stay alive, when you're high-powered. if you're a low-key comic-- >> right. >> you can stay alive a li-- a little longer, you know.

i> <i>to make a crispi> <i>refreshingi> <i>jim beam applei> <i>and soda.s year, i can go to block and pay half, what i paid my other guy. so follow us, we're going to h&r block. [richard] switch to block and pay half. ladies, we don't need all this to talk about lbl. i an, who leaks a little when they laugh? get 3 in 1 protection for dryness, comfort, and odor control. and unlike period pads, poise thin shape pads have thin flex technology. poise makes my life easier. seize your poise moment at poise.com. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight - mash-up monday music kcee-lo and the sunshine band - is on the way. first you may know 50 cent who is a rapper, actor, entrepreneur, he's having money problems. problem is he has no money. so he filed for bankruptcy in july. he's reportedly in debt to the tune of around $30 million. but he's been posting pick tours on unsta gram with massive piles of cash. he spelled the word "broke" out in stacks of 100-dollar bills. now a judge is ordering him to appear in court to explain why, for instance, he's in a bed of

i don't want to buy it. i wouldn't buy it if i could. you have my word. i just want to look at it. oh, great scott. a 1907 $10 gold piece. beautiful. rolled edge. beautiful. with periods. beautiful. and that's how we plan to raise money for the children's playground fund. i think it's a wonderful idea, and i'd love to contribute. make a wish, mrs. wilson. all right. let's see. i wish-- don't say it out loud or it won't come true. oh. all right. i made the wish. give me the coin. no, dear. no, i better not. mr. wilson would kill me if i gave away any change before he had a chance to look it over. it's for his coin collection, you know. you come to see me later on, dennis, and i'll give you lots of coins. i could come now. later, dennis. are you sure you wouldn't like another cup of tea? i haven't time. good-bye, mrs. wilson. there you are, mr. hathaway. $250. mr. wilson, i tip my hat to you. when you want something, you keep after it until you get it. well, i suppose it's my background in business. martha: george, i'm back. oops. it's my wife. if you don't mind, let's keep this litt

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i said so will i. mistaken identity is something that is funny if you have also public notoriety, you can be humbled if somebody mistakes you for somebody else and actually happened to president george w. bush. the first day out of office, 2009, think about it. he had security for 16 years. he finally gets back to dallas. he calls the promised land, and mrs. bush calls it the afterlife and he said to the secret service team i want to go to the hardware store like a normal and shop around because i'm going to make a man cave and paint things and it's going to be awesome. so he asked the secret service can we do that? they said, yeah, okay, sure. so they dress in khakis and particular it out. they're going incognito which is funny because they went in three suvs. but they're trying. so he gets there and the secret service melts into the background and he says, thank you so much. pipe going to shop around. so just on his own. and this guy is walking by him and says, nip ever at the you that you look like

now, i need a fellow with a lot of zing. you know what i mean, colonel? i-i-i want a fun astronaut. fun astronaut. with a lot of pizzazz. a lot of pizzazz. and good-looking and a little bit offbeat, you know what i mean, colonel? a-a-a--colorful. you got anybody here th-that's got a lot of color? i have just the man you're looking for, mr. dawkin. oh, uh, sergeant. tell major nelson i want to see him. colonel, are you ready for this? that's bootsie. you can certainly see she has talent. major nelson, you're escorting miss nightingale to the benefit ball. well, i think you'd better get somebody else, sir. oh, he's really colorful. what's the matter with you? you've got something against beautiful women? oh, no. it's just that i don't think i deserve what's gonna happen to me. he's modest. it's all settled, major. um, sir, i'd really appreciate it if you would reconsider. no, major nelson. consider it an order. um, but this is a social affair. now, surely nasa can't order me-- this order did not come from nasa, major nelson. it came from the top. the president? higher than that. my wi

and if that -- if i could give them that, i -- i don't know. i try to think positive. there's always things getting worse. things can get worse. i hope they don't. >>> when we traveled to riverbend maximum security institution in tennessee, we encountered a young inmate who was also driven to kill. and his story was absolutely chilling. >> i murdered my aunt with a butcher knife. i threw on a hockey mask, brown overalls and brown boots. >> why? >> i had bottled-up anger. i was mad at my mom for all my life for the way she treated me. i figured if i killed her instead -- her sister, i didn't want to kill my mom. i figured if i killed her sister, it would slowly kill her mentally, emotionally. >> luis ramon was 15 years old at the time of the murder. when we met him six years later, he told our producer he relates with two notorious and fictional movie killers. >> i believe i become a killer like michael myers on "halloween" and jason voorhees on "friday the 13th." i'm just fascinated with the way they worked. i heard voices like jason voorhees. like one of my characters

i-- i am not sure exactly, but i had this t-terrible dream, and-- and then i woke up and-- jeannie, jeannie. it was a nightmare. a nightmare. now, you go-- you go back to your bottle and forget all about it. it's just a dream. oh, that is what worries me, master. my dreams always come true. oh! your--? your dreams always come true? oh, yes, master. something terrible is going to happen. [wailing] oh, no. now, don't worry. you're gonna be fine. you're gonna be fine. oh, i know. nothing is going to happen to me, master. it is going to happen to you! [wailing] w-wait. what's gonna happen? [screaming] shh! [ ] [ ] [ ] let me do that, jeannie. oh, i am sorry, master. but i do not want to lose you. oh, you're not gonna lose me. my dreams always come true. yeah. uh, jeannie, exactly what did you dream about? well, i cannot remember exactly what it was. well, you must have some idea. uh, was it involving, uh, an automobile accident? no, i do not think so. an earthquake? no. well, jeannie, it must be something. mm-mm. hm! an animal. an animal? oh, it is all coming back to me now. yeah? you are going

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i have to do my sanctions from that. >> he knows that i -- i mean, i was adamant that i would only giveas to his benefit that the sanctions were suspended, so he needed to walk the straight and narrow. he didn't do that. >> i have 47 more days to go. >> you're in pretty good spirits. >> yeah, last time was the first time trauma thing for me. now i'm like, there's nothing you can do about it. i'm not going to let myself get down. it's not worth it. you know, i didn't come to prison to stop smoking, you know what i mean? i'm not going to quit smoking. >> i believe he probably needs to be in level iii, but that's actually central office's decision. so if they choose to leave him at level ii, he'll be moved to an alternative level ii. at this point, you will not come back to level ii. if you have level ii points, they can classify you to another level ii. but you won't be returning. >> why can't i go back to that one? >> because i think you've worn out your welcome, and i've given you several chances, and i think a change of environment would do you good. >> you think so? >> okay. >> okay.

i was with nbc. i said: i travel a lot and i enjoy your book, something like that.ished publishing "christine." and he said, it's interesting that i should hear from someone i -- he put it in quotes -- know, because i just saw you at three mile island. and that's the one thing i would never be able to write about, is nuclear power run amok. i appreciate your report and i'll look forward to reading more of you. i've been offered so much money for that because it's stephen king admitting there's one thing that frightens him so much he won't write about it. 31 years ago. he's a good write jeer march 29, 1979, you were at three mile? >> guest: was i? how do you know that and i don't. >> host: that's the date it occurred. >> guest: oh. >> host: or the day after. >> guest: any god, you're prepared. so i was there, yes. >> host: how close were you allowed to get to that? to the reactor. >> guest: well, enough so that they were in the background, they were clearly seen in the background. don't think three mile island, if i remember correctly, was ever as dangerous as the me

<i>reduced risk i> <i>of strokei> <i>plus lessi> <i>major bleeding.i> <i>ask your doctor... ...if switching... ...to eliquis is right for you. >> anchor: breaking news on the beltway. tractor trail accident shutting down both the outer and two lanes of the inner loop. go over to angelia for the latest. >> reporter: actually, i am in for angelia today. we have some great news for folks traveling the capitol belt way. reopened inner loop. squeezing by the crash. we will give a look at the scene here. as you go inner loom beltway at the bottom of the screen. folks are certainly making the way through this morning. we have previously been shut down inner and outer loop connecticut avenue and 270 corridor for most of the morning out. terloop remains closed. no word on when they reopen the lanes. as you can see. live shot of the chopper. lots of activity spread across both spans of the roadway. jacqui what is the weekend forecast looking like. >> weather: clouds increasing through the day. better than yesterday. and still a touch on the cool side. high temperatures reach lo

i forgot i had it. i'll go borrow a hammer from the ropers. ( waltz playing ) helen, i found out what was wrong with the... helen? helen! i got good news. i fixed the garbage disposal in 207. you want to call the l.a. times or shall i? you know what was wrong with the garbage disposal? they never use it. they eat out all the time. so, some people like to enjoy themselves. it's not against the rules-- except around this apartment. nothing works well if you don't use it enough. that's so true. of course, it would take a miracle to get some things to work right around here. a miracle! what are you doing? i'm praying. another one of your little digs, huh, helen? ( chuckles ) oh, stanley remember when we used to go dancing? come on. come on. not now, helen.

i do. i miss it. i miss hitting a quarterback because they -- >> really, you know, i do miss the 350-pound guy, i miss throwing him down to hit the quarterback, but there's nothing like hitting the quarterback because they don't get hit in practice, they wear a different color jersey, there is an article in "sports illustrated" about they're supposedly the best looking guys on the field. >> stephen: they get the models. >> yeah, who doesn't want to hit a guy who gets all that? i do! (cheers and applause) it's only human! >> stephen: totally understandable. now, the ball itself, the ball is the tackle magnet. >> yes. >> stephen: if i were playing football, i would say, don't give me the ball, i'm good, because guys like michael strahan are going to come get me. >> you're going to get the ball but sometimes you will see a guy running the ball and you don't care about him, i'm just going to get you back. >> stephen: when you knock them down, off switch to turn on to turn into the aggressive machine. >> y

but i didn't lie. i told the truth. i know you did. i wouldn't do anything to hurt him. i love him. me too. hazel? hmm? do you think he did it? of course he didn't! i'm absolutely certain. i'm positive. i think. do you have a picture of your cousin? no, we don't. he's never stood still long enough to take one. any place where we might find his fingerprints? oh, yes. trying to convince myself he's innocent, but-- good morning, hazel! good morning, cousin harold. [cousin fred chuckles] how do i look? new suit, new tie. new hat. new cuff links. cuff links? oh, silver. no, your dad never had any like them. i opened a charge account on the strength of my new job. - job? - yes, job! doesn't sound like me, does it? i knew cousin george was right, hazel. i've wasted a lot of years chasing rainbows. but now, i found a job i really like. where's cousin george? i want to tell him the good news. no! oh, he'll be might proud of me. oh, yes, i'm sure he'll be, but why don't you have something to eat first? look, i got these terrific sweet rolls. - thanks. - go on, sit down. put some butter on 'em

i don't -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't lie, i can't lie. >> i will leave. i didn't murder anyone in real life. this is a game. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll let myself out. sorry, yeah. >> sorry. thanks for the wine. >> jimmy: you were saying that when you ran for class president, that was your thing, honesty was your thing. >> oh, big-time. >> jimmy: wait, so, when were you class president? >> okay, i ran for class president in ninth grade. >> jimmy: okay. >> my platform was, like, i knew i was running against a a really popular person. and i was just like, i'm gonna go for it. and my speech was basically like, you might want to vote for marissa, but i actually care about this and this is all i have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is all i have? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on, you have to vote for that person. >> yeah. like, everyone is like, oh, darnit. that dork is so upset. [ laughter ] she can have this fake job and then all four years. fake job all the time. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it, yeah. vote for me. this is all i have. >> this is all

i go, oh, i love this guy. it's a fun show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it's time for "tonight here we go. hash tags twitter? anyone out there on twitter? [ cheers ] well, we use twitter on our show every single week so if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hash tag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so since "the bachelor," that's >> steve: my jams. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's my john, my john -- damn, bachelor. [ laughter ] episode this week which was -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. called #myhometownisweird. out a funny, weird or embarrassing story about your hometown. we got thousands of tweets. within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u.s., so thank you for the tweets. [ cheers and applause ] it's funny. now i thought i'd share some of my favorite "my hometown is weird" tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @ashnhorn31. she says "we only have one stop sign and it keeps needing

i heard he got a position as case manager. i talked to them and i told him i was in jail.as thought what he would say to me. when i made bail he would tell me turn yourself in. >> that is your time. >> thank you for your comments. next speaker, please. >> by ms. tracy gallagher. i'm up here advocate the hospitality house. i just wanted to-i'm just here to support both my coworkers, wendy click san jose burnout. i watch them both. i come from a background of homelessness, in and out of incarceration, drug addiction. a lot of years and probably the last 6-7 years i stopped going in and out of jail and though there was nobody there to help me. i never knew growing up nobody ever mentored me were showed me , gave me any direction in my life. i could pretty much figure it out on my own. that's what we get. i work in the shelter program. a lot of the clients that have no direction. i also come from a family with three parole officers. my dad, my step mother and my sister all parole officers and i was very rebellious.. i did like any kind of authority. i was like a preacher's dau

>> i mean, no, i can do that. >> stephen: you can do that? i can reference myself, can't i?n't want to destroy the minds of all the children who are watching. >> stephen: exactly. i understand you've brought a list of off misms for us to go through. >> i have. >> stephen: can i share? yes. >> stephen: these are euphemisms a female comedienne can use to refer to her bathing suit area that -- >> that will pass muster. > i like the motion. >> stephen: be accurate. yes. >> stephen: euphemisms for what you got i ain't got. ready? >> yes. go. lady garden. floral >> stephen: hoo-hoo. >> hee-hee. >> stephen: hah-hah. >> department of the interior. that's classy. >> stephen: she who shall not be named. >> the place where i keep my keys. that's just for me. they're safe there. >> stephen: always the last place you look. >> yep. >> stephen: the chamber of secrets. >> oh, oh dear -- >> the envelope, please. >> stephen: ferngully. >> canyon of heroes. >> stephen: ark of the covenant. >> velour bouncy castle. that's nice >> stephen: mrs. bojangles. >> hurt locker. that's sad. that's dark.

well, i don't really think i have any clothes i want to give away. stephanie, i'm sure you could find something. well, i'll look. what kind of things do they want? usually they want practical things. that'll take some digging. thanks, guys. you know, i'm always telling cindy how classy you are. this makes it look like i'm telling the truth. [man] yee-haw! whoopee! yahoo! is that george? it's either george or there's a cattle drive going by. they found a cure for being a hayseed? the greatest thing that's ever happened to me just happened. i'm gonna be a volunteer fireman. what's all this about, george? george, i didn't even know you wanted to be a fireman. oh, i've always wanted to be a volunteer fireman. i've had my name on the waiting list for years and today it came up. i'm finally going to do something that the people in this town aren't going to laugh at. george, what are you talking about? nobody laughs at you. oh, yeah? remember all that razzzzg i got last year when i said i saw a ufo? and then they put me in charge of the thanksgiving day par

i mean, i don't know. look, i don't knkn how your wife is. but if i forget to tell my wife i'm going to play poker or something. >> jimmy: climbing mt. everest. >> that is not good. >> jimmy: but, you've been married, you've been married a a long time now, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: how long? >> 28, 28 years. >> jimmy: 28 years. good for you. that's good. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> long time. how much, foy you? >> jimmy: eight years. >> eight years. >> jimmy: eight years for me, yeah. >> okay, so you're not prorably at the point where i'm at. [ light laughter ] i'm at, here's where i am. here's where we are in the marriage. because in the beginning, it's, in the beginning, it's kind of like you i do no wrong. in the beginning of a a relationship, in the beginning of a marriage. we have crossed over to you can do no right. you can do no right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can do no right. >> i just accept it. it's the way it is. i'll give you an example. perfect example. she was watching a movie in our hou

and i can also plug my voice into it. and i could, as i did, i performed at lincoln center. you still perform? >> oh, yeah. yes, i do. >> s-- so what is it about the, the, the essence of being in a room with other people who are seeing you share your creativity? what, what does that do for you? >> that keeps me, i think, alive and fulfilled in a way that is, is sort of like res-- call and response. you know, it, and it fulfills a part of me that is, i guess, the basic human thing of not approval. >> it, is it a desire for connectedness? >> no, because i can feel the spirit without another person. when was it? yes. no, not last night, night before last in-- where i was. and i-- i performed, i sang two songs. and one of the songs was winds of change which is a song i wrote for winnie mandela and nelson mandela. so i sang this song last night with two musici-- three musicians who had never played it before. and in singing the song, it always, always takes me to a place in my soul and in my gut that is a place of pain. a place of passion. and a place of freedom and joy. and it s

oh, i guess i... i just didn't think that far ahead. maybe i am getting old. wait, uncle fremont. where you going to go? well, there's always mona. you remember the lady who called earlier? she's very well-endowed. when you get to be her age, that means you have money. i thought you didn't like her. you didn't even want to talk to her on the phone. well, i've been thinking about it. not so bad. i'll have a comfortable home, a generous allowance. i'll be... taken to... fashion shows, bridge parties, charity balls. mona loves to make an entrance with something decorative on her arm. well, then, she ought to get herself a tattoo. oh, it'll be a splendid life. just think. i'll-i'll never have to worry about having fun again. oh, that poor man. gee whiz, jack. what did you say to him? that is so cruel. all he did was pass a bad check and you act like it was some sort of crime. so what are we going to do? well, if only we could get that check back. well... there's a way to fix that. will you just stay out of this? he's only trying to help. right. with another phony check. no. this is st

(laughter) every time i make a bologna sandwich i sing, "my bologna has then, when i eat it, i whisper to the sandwich, "i'm eating you, oscar." (laughter) sometimes i lie awake at night, afraid i'll die before i get to use all my "forever" stamps. (laughter) i can still name all four teletubbies, and have done so in my will. (laughter) i don't understand why it's not called a "pants suit" when a man wears it. (laughter) am i not supposed to wear the pants? (laughter) i saw something, so i said something. but the thing i said wasn't the (laughter) sometimes, i use slang that i don't understand to connect with young people. i guess i'm just woke like that, on fleek, bye felicia. (laughter) (applause) i have this weird feeling that once when i was drunk i got a tattoo in a place i can't see. (laughter) oh, daffy and bugs, why would you fight over that? (laughter) i like to yell "bingo" even when i don't have "bingo," and am not playing "bingo." (laughter) i know you're never supposed to put plastic in the microwave, but i hate playing with cold (laughter) when i get on an elevator, and s

i mean, i know that i have to believe my kids before i believe anybody. and i failed them that day.failed my kids. >> yaser's big ambition was marry them off. get the dowry. they were a means to an end for him. i think it landed last tuesday. one second it's there. then, woosh, it's gone. i swear i saw it swallow seven people. seven. i just wish one of those people could have been mrs. johnson. [dog bark] trust me, we're dealing with a higher intelligence here. ♪ the all-new audi q7 is here. ♪ iand quit a lot,t but ended up nowhere. now i use this. the nicoderm cq patch, with unique extended release technology, helps prevent the urge to smoke all day. i want this time to be my last time. that's why i choose nicoderm cq. can't afford to let heartburn get in the way? try nexium 24hr, now the #1 selling brand for frequent heartburn. get complete protection with the new leader in frequent heartburn. that's nexium level protection. watching tvs get sharper, you've had it tough. bigger, smugger. and you? rubbery buttons. enter the x1 voice remote. now when someone says... show me funny mo

i walk around in the physical realm and i put on the faces and i talk and i play.t, man. in the spiritual world is where i live. i exist in places you never even dreamed of. >> you almost hate to think of manson thinking he contributed something personally to knowledge about human behavior. but he has, hasn't he? >> what we learned from manson is how somebody can be affected to a point of having psychiatric problems and still be charismatic and manipulative enough and have enough going on upstairs to plan and organize two massacres. very organized killings. >> i don't fit in society and i am incompetent. i never been a success at anything. i even got to the point where i didn't want to be a success at anything. what would being a success, what does that mean? you know? money? oh, i've had all the money in the world three times and i had to give it back. that's a stupid little game, you know. i hardly even think about it too much. it's hard for me to remember breakfast. in fact, if i didn't have two or three girls to help me, i would pretty much be lost and i wouldn