i felt like i had to know about everything. and i wonder what is better. i don't have a child yet but maybe i'll find out that there is no better. >> it is interesting to think about the difference between silence is a symptom of trauma or certain kind of wound but also speech itself as a symptom gutfeld pressure -- i don't know to what extent you felt it or she felt it but the sense of having to be in conversation because there had been a gap or space, it's really powerful. i think breaking a silence means something a little different in the content of the piece that i wrote when i hear the phrase because as you mentioned there is not an essay about trauma. but one thing i felt that i was doing was unearthing and on excavating the little history that had been lost in it was not that there was a novel that amanda had worked very hard on and not published which is not an unusual circumstance but my mother's first husband when he had just one typewriter copy of the manuscript he saved for years and years and even just the first thing i did was to ask him if

i just felt really like it was over. it took me getting to rock-bottom for me to do things that i was scared of. it took me nothing to be afraid to do anything but i didn't feel like i had anything to lose. it's a mindset i still try to keep today because it's when i started to have the most success because i wasn't afraid of failure. i think for a long time i was afraid to fail and then when i did, i felt like i was repeating the cycle. then all of a sudden when i realized that every point that you get to is just another starting point for another opportunity, which is easier said than done it's way harder to actually think that way but every time i felt that way anytime i would have some sort of setback i never thought that way and i was able to move forward. >> now that you are in your post olympic life. do you still worry about failures? >> there are moments of course. i think everybody does. i think it's like a normal emotion for everyone to have is to be worried about failures. but the one thing i'm really grateful

but also i felt that i couldn't carry on denying my involvement.ork pretending that i had done nothing, that i was innocent, and carry on as usual. so i felt i had to own up to it and be accountable for my actions. let us watch one more clip from the film. this, i think, is one of the most important moments because it gets to the heart of your motivation. it's you being interrogated by a detective who is determined to get to the truth, but also to try to put upon you motivation for what you'd done. you work for the british government. no, not really. no? i work for the british people. i gather intelligence so the government can protect the british people. i do not gather intelligence so the government can lie to the british people. extraordinary clarity there and obviously movies with scripts, they do bring out the clarity. but in the wake of what we have just seen, i want to quote to you the words of a commentator in the times newspaper who, after the movie was announced, i don't know if she has seen it yet but she said that katharine gun wanted t

probably one of the worst days that i had felt i had been feeling bad.verybody is still buzzing and i felt really away from it, because i had not been plainly games. i was just setting on the bench, trying to be part of this unbelievable feeling. i am smiling for the camera and outside, i remember going into the shower and because her champion and just cried. this is how i feel, i'm making the information. i cried for 1050 minutes in the shower and after that i was fine. i want to make it a number thing that people are having a conversation about this. because if he had an injured hamstring you would be going to your physio and saying this is so aware and people should be able to say that they are not feeling great. worse is the point? and not come to the point that players or anyone is feeling it is such a low point that then they have to get help. they should be support in place that somebody is not having one bad day. they should be able to chat on the door assembly and say look, i'm not having a great day for topical be nothing, but that could escala

when i came to that realization i literally felt like i was deranged. how could i so strongly and passionately believed both of these things at the same time? in hindsight i have learned a little bit about psychology since i left. [laughter] its way our brains compartmentalize the information. they're both from the bible so it was unreal. >> my sister and i stayed in the home of my wonderful friend who was both of our high school english teacher who was really wonderful they let us stay in their basement the first night he would hurt me if i told you not to follow him on twitter. [laughter] but he stayed up with us for a couple of hours per i thought he would leave us to our despair but he stayed up with us and that was so important to finally out loud more in our family what was happening in just the whole fact that her whole lives had been to figure out. he was absolutely wonderful. >> thank you so much for your talk it has been interesting and inspiring. what are some things you have done to make amends with the community from the past? >> of course

and i felt as long as it was contained, i would be able to keep moving. amy: and so how did you hide it from them? your house isn't that big. how did they -- your parents, who are very tuned into you and being.ster, your whole >> i would begin to go on these long bike rides in the morning before work in process a lot on those rides. on my drives to work, i would cry and take a moment in the parking lot to collect myself, go inside. if i had to cry at work, i would go in the bathroom or stairwell. when i would home, if i could not collect myself, i would sit in parking lots calling hotlines so that i understood i was not alone. victims who are masters at concealing what we are going through. it would surprise many people how good we are keeping things contained, of putting on a face so that we can show up at work every morning, so that we can protect our loved ones. we don't want to scare them. so that we can trick ourselves into thinking ordinary life is an option for us, when really something catastrophic has happened that is going to take anan extreme a

they are saying this is what i felt. eye in the center right over walnut creek where it was clearly felt the strongest. >> i guess the thing i always wonder about, bill, when it comes to earthquakes are the aftershocks. or, as a prelude to a stronger earthquake or will we feel more minor aftershocks afterward? >> you know, in that area where this fault is, where this earthquake is, we have had what they call earthquake storms. over the years, so yes, maybe this is the start of another flurry. you know we get those 2.5--so, this area, in my recollection, has been pretty known for earthquake flurries over the last 10 years. >> you know it feels like the one thing that is consistent from everyone, the messages--i must have gotten about 150 messages by now, i know julie is getting a ton it feels like everyone is essentially saying the same thing. >> we have someone on the phone, sarah, a viewer from sunnyvale. we have not heard of any reports of damage or injuries. we have heard from people from all around talking about the b

when i came to that realization i literally felt like i was deranged. how could i so strongly and passionately believed both of these things at the same time? in hindsight i have learned a little bit about psychology since i left. [laughter] its way our brains compartmentalize the information. they're both from the bible so it was unreal. >> my sister and i stayed in the home of my wonderful friend who was both of our high school english teacher who was really wonderful they let us stay in their basement the first night he would hurt me if i told you not to follow him on twitter. [laughter] but he stayed up with us for a couple of hours per i thought he would leave us to our despair but he stayed up with us and that was so important to finally out loud more in our family what was happening in just the whole fact that her whole lives had been to figure out. he was absolutely wonderful. >> thank you so much for your talk it has been interesting and inspiring. what are some things you have done to make amends with the community from the past? >> of course

i felt like somebody has to start leveling with the american people. i thought if no one else is going to do it, i am going to get into this race. and tell the truth. >> let's talk about both these issues. first, government. based on your comments that government is broken, what does president donald trump represent on that issue? mr. steyer: it is funny, steve, because donald trump ran on the idea of "drain the swamp." 80% of americans, the overwhelming bulk of republicans, democrats, and independents, understand that corporations have bought the government. the problem with mr. trump is that when you see what he has done across the board, he is the biggest swamp rat there is. his tax plan was the biggest giveaway in american history to corporations and the richest americans. which waswar, supposed to protect americans, is hurting american workers, hurting american businesses and killing american farmers. he ran, claiming he would do one thing, and has done the exact opposite. but that doesn't mean somehow the government wasn't broken in the first plac

never really told him how i really felt. a lot more now for like my mum and the rest of the family. sincej died every news channel, no one was interested they were interested in sharon. we have done joint interviews and i've not even got one second. it's soul destroying knowing that you are putting in all this effort spilling... all your heartfelt emotions and not a word has been said. we own this inner pain which sometimes we need to release. i'm not going to say i'm superman and i'm macho and i won't have tears for my son, i would always have cries and tears for my son, and this is what men should do and i hope that men do release their feelings at some point. and some of the men featured in sarah 0'connell‘s film are here, alongside other dads, uncles, friends and brothers. thank you so much for agreeing to come on our programme and talk iam going i am going to ask you to tell the audience who you last and what that meant to you? my name is graham stuart and we lost our little brother two years ago, ciaran stuart. he met

ex- mac you felt. i hated swimming, which is such a weird —— you felt. ming, which is a weird thing to say because i excelled. i became an olympian and after i quit swimming, one of my mentors and i would often talk —— about myself as an accidental athlete and after hearing myself talking about my swimming for a year 01’ so talking about my swimming for a year orso in talking about my swimming for a year or so in this way, she stopped me and said, there is nothing accidental about showing up at the olympics and i had to really kind of understand why i had swum and in writing the book, very shortly after it was written, i was diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum this and this, for me, shed my entire experience as a swimmer in a com pletely experience as a swimmer in a completely different light because i saw my siblings to the right and to the left of me who also swam, quit andi the left of me who also swam, quit and ijust the left of me who also swam, quit and i just didn't the left of me who also swam, quit and ijust didn't understand why i didn't

translation: i felt very confident that, of course, i am translation: i felt very confident that, ofam relieved that it is done. especially as it is so important for northern jutland would also denmark. concrete was poured in at the destination to provide support. this whole operation is expected to safeguard the lighthouse for another 40 years when, presumably, everyone will come back and do it all over again. time now for these pictures from the arctic. these are some of the five new islands that have appeared from underneath the mountain glaziers. they were found by the russian navy as russia and other nations hope to explore the area find new shipping routes and resources, easier to find now with global warming. of course the russians were not forced, these seals definitely got there first. and you can get in touch with me and most of the team on twitter — i'm @bbcmikeembley. tuesday was a fine day up and down the country with plenty of sunshine around. and felt a bit warm as well especially in the south. that was thanks to a ridge of high pressure that will be with us wednesday

no, i didn't, because i felt weak, and i felt like... weak person that i was at the time. buti that weak person that i was at the time. but i wish i could turn it around now. after working for an organisation, and with me being more confident now, i will actually be more willing to report that to the police, if ever an incident like that happened again. i'm very grateful you are talking on our programme and talking to the whole nation. it really, it will really help other people. do you agree? absolutely, heartbreaking, iam help other people. do you agree? absolutely, heartbreaking, i am so sorry you had to go through that. all those feelings, i completely relate to. when you tell someone that you have been the victim of a hate crime or abuse, many people, their instinct was to say, are you sure? that induces complete rage in may, it is called gas lighting, the instinct to deny someone's experiences. to feel shame, to feel all those —— rage in me. things. it should not be us, the victims, feeling bad, that is why we need education about

probably one of the worst days that i had felt i had been feeling bad.ly games. i was just setting on the bench, trying to be part of this unbelievable feeling. i am smiling for the camera and outside, i remember going into the shower and because her champion and just cried. this is how i feel, i'm making the information. i cried for 1050 minutes in the shower

it meant we didn't gallop a self—hatred because i felt that i had no work because i felt that i had noe i felt that i had no work because i couldn't see worth and anyone else. similar to me, everyone else was quite eurocentric in their features, there were all white and had long blonde hair and that hurt me. soon want to make sure that there was at least one, add numbers ugly than that —— when i have grown up ugly than that —— when i have grown up in ugly than that —— when i have grown upina ugly than that —— when i have grown up in a time with fire. there are five whole south asians in this industry that are working in hollywood at the moment. is there with great irony, five. you are the daughter of a pakistani indian pa rents, daughter of a pakistani indian parents, but brought up in the uk. our important is your ethnicity to you? does our important is your ethnicity to you ? does it our important is your ethnicity to you? does it inform everything you do? yes, it's very important to me. it wasn't for the longest time, that's what i'm saying that i shunned it so heavily because i tho

>> i felt like there was a thin line. ant to cross anything. >> the brothers say they saw what could happen when they cross that line. one night when he was 14, and came home passed cur few. they say he simply lost it. >> threw me on the floor and started kicking me and my brother had to pull him off. >> he shielded you a bit. >> he did. >> sound like you were closer to your brother than father. >> very much so. >> ryan rebelled. staying out late and smoking weed. richard was dutiful. he too felt his father's wrath. >> a punch. a kick. you name it. depending. i would find the sooner i would cry the sooner it would stop. >> tough lesson to learn from your dad. >> he was a harsh person. which is made it more fortunate to have my mom in my life. she was like the complete opposite. >> as tough as he was on his sons. they say he was just as tough on his wife. >> ryan and richard never saw their father hit their mother. but they say they heard the yelling and they did see the bruises. >> we never called 911. it was like we have

i think that their lives are a testimony to that. and i've always felt that i got an undeserved piece of good fortune to have parents who took such good care of me and were such a great example of what it means to be a good person in and an american. steve: to that point, are you more like your mother, your father, or a combination of the two? mr. steyer: [laughter] my father was very quiet and my mother loved to talk, so in some ways -- they were such a contrast of people. i look to my mom because she was the person -- she was a very petite woman, she wasn't tall. she started clinging she was 5'4". i think she ended up being 5'. she was someone who would take on the biggest person if she thought they were being unfair or greedy. my mother would have hated donald trump. he stands for every single thing that my mother believed was wrong. she would have been, believe me, absolutely wild about that. about that kind of corruption, about that kind of self-interest putting yourself ahead of the , american people. that would've made her absolutely upset. no que

i felt like i heard the rumbling before i felt the shaking. >> it woke you up, huh? >> oh, yerighrough t, i wantto give you the latest on this earthquake. a magnitude 4:00, 10:33, centered 1 kilometer, so about this 14.6 kilometers. let's talk about if you felt it. this map really shows you the moderate shaking that's in yellow and green. and then as you go lighter with the colors, that's just that light shaking, if anything at all. so that's that earthquake shaking there. we will talk about our weather as we go through the rest of the week. we are tracking a weather system that could bring a few showers. now go to anne makovec with more on that earthquake. >> here at the live news desk i was woken up by this earthquake, as well as a lot of people. a lot of people going to social media as did i. one of the videos sent to us by a young woman who was filming herself at the time. >> . you felt that? >> yeah, bra, i felt it. i think she is done. if you have any video of the aftermath or you know, anything, when it was going on, such as that, send them to us. my twitter ha

i felt forecast. like most mortals i had severed my own e-mail mishaps. not long before i set up on a blind date by tom keenan, a friend and fellow professor home i'd come to know on mass atrocities research. the dates had not gone well. i wrote to dom with rundown of not i do not like about his friend. asking how he could've conceivably thought thought that we might get so long. [laughter] i stress that the incompatibility abilities we're deep and if enough of the e-mail part is i think is the old staying goes, can only make them dress better excavation and more [laughter] just to divert here from intact, is unknown staying. other than staying in this e-mail and regarding it for the rest of time, i don't actually know. i'm not a mature business coming from but nonetheless, this is what i wrote and assumes i hit send, i heard a thing in my inbox and it was a message i had just sick freshly delivered is an incoming e-mail. within seconds of that first thing, i heard a second and received a note from tom that simply read, you did it. my head in my hands and

again, this is why i felt very safe, right? because we had all the answers. this is the truth of god. this is unquestionable. and i a had never, ever had the feeling of being bested, right? so thisad is why when i came to this point and having these conversations with the very first case came from this jewish man named david who ran a blog -- who ran a blog. he's asking me questions, this is about a year into these conversations. like, i had started out attacking him, and he responded really negatively at first, and then he started asking questions, and i started asking questions in response not -- purpose was to better counter his arguments. and so in midst of these -- getg into the extreme knew watcheses of westboro's theology, he finds this internal inconsistency, and i literally was flare fasted. i had -- nabber fasted. i had at that point 20 years almost of always having an answer. and then i, you know, go to my mother and a couple other older people in theture catch start to approach this question, and they can -- in hindsight, you can see the cognitive

but i was wondering with a case like that, what you felt you could offer? te frankly within that culture, with that language that might have been more effective than you could? well, i‘ll say this. she did have an afghan lawyer, and this was frankly routine, that the afghan lawyers would often if there was a rape victim, try to broker a deal with the rape victim and marry the perpetrator. and so that‘s what her attorney was trying to focus on. whereas i was trying to focus on the law. the fact that she should not have been charged, or, and frankly convicted of adultery by force. and so i argued the semantics of the case and i argued the law. the afghan law. and that‘s what i do there. i don‘t come in from this morality perch and judge, i use the law with my clients. that‘s interesting. you have to have an extremely detailed knowledge of afghan law, you would have had to have dug deep into it yourself? absolutely. that is part of myjob. that‘s the job of a litigator, to represent their clients and argue the law as it relates best in the interests of your clie

but i was wondering with a case like that, what you felt you could offer? te frankly within that culture, with that language that might have been more effective than you could? well, i‘ll say this. she did have an afghan lawyer, and this was frankly routine, that the afghan lawyers would often if there was a rape victim, try to broker a deal with the rape victim and marry the perpetrator. and so that‘s what her attorney was trying to focus on. whereas i was trying to focus on the law. the fact that she should not have been charged, or, and frankly convicted of adultery by force. and so i argued the semantics of the case and i argued the law. the afghan law. and that‘s what i do there. i don‘t come in from this morality perch and judge, i use the law with my clients. that‘s interesting. you have to have an extremely detailed knowledge of afghan law, you would have had to have dug deep into it yourself? absolutely. that is part of myjob. that‘s the job of a litigator, to represent their clients and argue the law as it relates best in the interests of your clie

to share, something else emerges, trying to get off the drug can be another kind of nightmare. >> i felto alone and isolated. >> this feeling of absolute terror. >> you lose all your friends cephali want to kill myself. >> suicide. >> suicide. >> it was like a water fall of symptoms. >> i was vibrating on the inside. i couldn't walk, because it felt like the floor was moving. i felt like i needed to run away from my own body. >> what do you do if the medication you're taking makes you feel bad, but trying to get off makes you feel even worse? >> it was like pure torture and nothing i did could stop it. biopharmaceutical researchers. pursuing life-changing cures in a country that fosters innovation here, they find breakthroughs... like a way to fight cancer by arming a patient's own t-cells... because it's not just about the next breakthrough... it's all the ones after that. i get to select my room from the floor plan... when i book at hilton.com free wi-fi... ...and the price match guarantee. so with hilton there is no catch. yeah the only catch is i'm never leaving. no i'm serious, i li

i felt. i. and there's also things like the lenin wows which are spontaneous and permanent place is and where people are posting post it notes or posters are to express how they feel and their demands and those are of course that protest and they're all over now. to talk about. the police brutality out at least system being so crude so they talk about it so the 4 of them on. the protest call like the government lawyer so it's many different messages it's just a way for people to express their feelings about the protests. there's a lot of different ways people are expressing their opinions and wanting to have their voices heard. questions differing opinions on what methods really work. these protests there's so much that happens that's shocking and something happens every week you know it's a lake and i've had this conversation with other journalists or talk about something or that time when this happened that would be like that was yesterday because the days are so long and so much happened so i

for as long as i can remember, i felt very dark, empty on the inside of my chest, even as a young kidnd when i understood

for as long as i can remember, i felt very dark, empty on the inside of my chest, even as a young kidll yourself when i was 12, i imagined that that is what would happen and so when... so that is the background. there wasn't one particular thing. i understand a little bit more about that, you know? there are statistics out there, non—gender conforming kids and lgbtqi youth are 70% more likely to attempt suicide. the cliche is you have to hit rock bottom before you start to rise, and you hit rock bottom and essentially you are saved by your sister who takes you back to france when you are in a very bad place in the us. shortly afterwards, you come out and you were honest about your sexuality. was that the beginning of a journey to self—knowledge about your own perception of your gender and your sexuality which helped you ? the book, godspeed, ends when i am 21 and it ends there specifically because the life as i had lived up to that point, as you said, ends completely. it's a bit miraculous and inexplicable why one day i was using every day, i had quit swimming and i'd lost the last th

to share, something else emerges, trying to get off the drug can be another kind of nightmare. >> i feltolute terror. >> you lose all your friends cephali want to kill myself. >> suicide. >> suicide. >> it was like a water fall of symptoms. >> i was vibrating on the inside. i couldn't walk, because it felt like the floor was moving. i felt like i needed to run away from my own body. >> what do you do if the medication you're taking makes you feel bad, but trying to get off makes you feel even worse? >> it was like pure torture and nothing i did could stop it. sensational. ery our fanning brush volumizes every kind of lash... ...for a sensational full-fan effect. lash sensational. only from maybelline new york. t-mobile's newest signal reaches farther than ever before. with more engineers. more towers. more coverage! it's a network that gives you ♪freedom from big cities, to small towns, we're with you. because life can take you almost anywhere, t-mobile is with you. no signal goes farther or is more reliable in keeping you connected. "fine. no one leaves the table "fine! we'll sleep here

we've got to get it done so i felt tremendous pressure to get it done. raised the way i was with no health care, my mother had no teeth. i can't haej how she must have worried about it. i did as a little boy. so health care was something we had to get done. and it was one of the landmark piece of legislation in the history of this country. >> were the votes there in those two years when you had 59, 60 democratic senators. could you have passed comprehensive immigration reform out of the senate? >> it was all we could to get the health care bill done. we could not have stuck in there immigration reform. we couldn't have stuck in cap on trade. we just couldn't do it. >> up next. you were diagnosed in the spring of 2018. >> lost my hair. >> you said when they find cancer in your pancreas, you're dead. we're here 17 months later and you're very much alive. aleve it. aleve is proven better on pain than tylenol. when pain happens, aleve it. all day strong. t-mobile's newest signal reaches farther than ever before. with more engineers. more towers. more coverage

to share, something else emerges, trying to get off the drug can be another kind of nightmare. >> i felt of absolute terror. >> you lose all your friends >> suicide. >> suicide. >> it was like a water fall of symptoms. >> i was vibrating on the inside. i couldn't walk, because it felt like the floor was moving. i felt like i needed to run away from my own body. >> what do you do if the medication you're taking makes you feel bad, but trying to get off makes you feel even worse? >> it was like pure torture and nothing i did could stop it. (paul) wireless network claims are so confusing. america's most reliable network. the nation's largest and most reliable network. the best network is even better? best, fastest, best. enough. sprint's doing things differently. they're offering a new 100% total satisfaction guarantee. i mean i think sprint's network and savings are great, but don't just take my word for it. try it out and decide for yourself. switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just $35 a month. for people with hearing loss, visit spri

i felt a deep and real sadness.hree years after the split, angie is reminded how lucky she is to be alive. you know i've interviewed angelina a couple of times she more open that i have ever seen her. we're going to be with angelina in london and we'll have it for you tomorrow. >>> let's get to last night's epic "breaking bad" reunion. look at that crew. the big question of course -- will walter white make a triumphant return in el camino, "breaking bad" movie? all signs point to- maybe. is walter white really dead? >> no. yes. to be honest, i thought the show answered that. >>. ♪ special love i had for you >> it left us wondering. >> i think it has a lot to do with people just wanting more. this is a great, great thing. >> this is the movery we didn't know we needed, man are we glad it's here. last night's premiere, our favorite characters showed up in support, including the man himself. walter white, aka bryan cranston. >> everybody is wondering who is going to pop up in the movie is bryan going to be in the movie

to even say i felt like i was going to spend my whole adult life paying this off thanks to sofi, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel as of 12pm today, i am debt free ♪ we have no debt, we don't owe anybody anything, and it's fantastic ♪ ♪ >> dana: facebook mark zuckerberg one of the most powerful people on the planet. social media he runs dominates our digital and political lives. we sat down for exclusive no holds barred where i asked minimum about perceived bias against conservatives and free speech. take a look. >> dana: do you believe that there a bias against conservatives in silicon valley? >> well, i think on how it depends on how you say it. i don't think that the services themselves, i haven't seen a lot of data that suggests that there is a negative impact. in fact, a lot of conservative media does quite well on social media. not just facebook. but the others as well. but, look, i mean, california is an overwhelmingly left leaning place. i understand why people would ask the question of are my ideas getting a fair shake? and all that i can say on this is this is some

had the mind to leave i didn't want to leave barcelona but i felt i had to leave spain i felt that i was being very mistreated and i didn't want to stay here i think many teams would have been happy for me to join them but i never had an official offer because everyone knew my idea was to stay in barcelona however the tax issue was bigger than my feelings about this club for everything that i was suffering personally missy is currently serving a 3 month ban from international football so he wasn't available for argentina's game against germany on wednesday. well they did come back from 2 goals down to draw 22 indorsements a not a bad result for them that 7 time european cup winners ac milan have named a former ins a coach as they new manager stephanie pioli who coached into during the 201617 season replaces marco jump pollo who were sector after just 7 games in charge he's past association with their city rivals hasn't impressed ac milan fans with piolo outs already trending on twitter in italy. the dispute between the n.b.a. and china is showing no

i told a teacher i felt comfortable telling, and from then i was looked after in school.ou are treated as men, when you are grieving, compared to the way women are treated, russell, what happened to you? we went to do a talk at trafalgar square, for the standing together christian charity, my wife and i was waiting to go on stage, she was next to a woman, and she said "what you doing here?", she said "my husband is doing a talk". she said "wouldn't it come better from you ? " she said "why? does my husband grieve any less than me?" she couldn't — my missus had to get up and walk away from this woman. why would it be better? i feel for my son as much as she did, you know. why do you think you are ignored sometimes? i think the women have carried the child. i was going to say that. and given birth to the child. so there is an automatic empathy, particularly from women to women, because they have a shared experience. i think that is what it is. i want to bring in martin. you will have heard this argument about, you know, there aren't enough youth clubs services, there have b

her father passed away. >>> i felt like in a way i have failed him. and that was hard. i wanted him to have his world. in his world was me.>> reporter: to ease her grief she reached out to students rising above. sharing her story a recent sra event provided her with a newfound confidence. >>> i was surrounded by a group of people who knew my life matter too. it was one of the greatest feelings that i could describe. i think it will be nice to study something out of my comfort zone.>> reporter: she is looking forward to school and honoring her father's memory.>>> sharing my story made me realize my life didn't matter. my fathers did too.>>> to learn more about students rising above and is scholars you can go to our website. kpix.com/sra. >>> continuing coverage of the napa county shutoffs. how people are racing and what you can do to prepare. >>> fire season at its height a look at efforts to prevent a major highway from becoming a death trap.>>> lice on the lookout for a package thief that loves a good workout. where the suspect has been spotted. >>> too hard. too soft

i felt bad i felt - >> jimmy: no, you did not. [ laughter ] >> i felt -- i did i felt bad very, like me are they excited are they impressed dad won an emmy >> couldn't give two hoots, if i'm honest [ laughter ] they're like, "where do the batteries go in it." it's just this - >> jimmy: "what does it do?" >> it's another beautiful thing for them to destroy. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] well, congrats on the emmy >> thank you >> jimmy: "get shorty," by the way, season three. here we go already >> yes, very exciting. >> jimmy: yeah >> thank you >> it's -- this is like -- it's a revenge season this one i end up in prison at the end of the last one. and this one is me trying to get my revenge on a kind of a harvey weinstein type character played by steven weber - and a couple giggles [ laughter ] you know, it's a specific crowd, isn't it? >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> i keep having this fear that you're going to show footage of -- that my mother sent in after my vasectomy [ laughter ] and -- >> jimmy: i am actually. let's just show the clip of -- >> no! [ laughter ] it was a banana! [ laug

i felt forced to go off sick. i felt that there was a strong reaction.ying to get back to work and have these issues addressed by every possible means internally, i felt i had to take the matter to court. and you fought a very long battle, legal battle. you are a judge — well—equipped to do that, but you've taken it all the way to the supreme court and today, unanimously, they vindicated your claim that judges should be entitled to blow the whistle on matters of public concern. yeah. i think the supreme court clearly felt that there is a public duty here. you take an oath of office and all the consequences that go with it and you're doing a public service. and so you have a duty to speak out if things aren't going right and you should be protected. so she's had a long fight and as you point out she's a judge and the fact that she struggled with it shows how it's tough for anyone going through that sort of thing. she is obviously part of a select group, though, as ajudge. are there wider implications as a result of this? i think the real point of this cas

trying to get off the drug can be another kind of nightmare. >> i felt so alone, and isolated. >> thislute terror. >> you lose all your friends. >> i want to kill myself. >> drugged. >> damaged. >> suicide. >> suicide. >> it was like a water fall of symptoms. >> i was vibrating on the inside. i couldn't walk because it felt like the floor was moving. i felt like i needed to run away from my own body. >> what do you do if the ed many cation you're taking makes you feel bad but trying to get off makes you feel even worse? >> it was like pure torture. and nothing i did could stop it. ♪ [ typing ] ♪ ♪ behr presents: tough as walls. that's some great paint. ♪ that's some great paint. behr, ranked #1 in customer satisfaction with interior paints. right now get incredible savings on behr marquee interior. exclusively at the home depot. you don't need to go anywhere dad, this is your home. the best home to be in is your own. home instead offers personalized in-home services for your loved ones. home instead senior care. to us, it's personal. home instead senior care. they're america's bpursuin

cal: yeah, i felt alone. i felt scared. i felt i was in a really dark place. i would just cut myself under the desk because, as weird as it sounds, cutting gave me a sense of control. bigad: what made it so challenging? cal: a lot of times, teachers didn't know how to treat me respectfully. like, "oh man, are you gonna, you know, change your genitals?" that's not something you ask a high schooler. bigad: so as a student, you felt like you had to educate your educators? cal: there was no training. teachers didn't have any training on how to deal with trans people. when you don't really have anyone at school respecting and reassuring a really basic part of who you are, it's horrible. bigad: our ongoing investigation reveals a wide disparity in the type and frequency of teacher training on transgender issues. we've learned some schools only offer online videos while others hold large-scale seminars. and depending where you're teaching in the bay area, the training can be mandatory, voluntary or non-existent. in fact, at cupertino union and vacaville unified, trai

. >> i felt like we weren't safe. i had to get help. >> reporter: that's when she's beaten.he says multiple times. somehow staggering back into frame. >> oh, my god, somebody hurt you, babe. >> i'll bleeding, i'm bleeding so bad. >> call the cops! >> engine six, respond to a party bleeding at 14th st. and market st. >> reporter: amber is rushed to the hospital. her jaw shattered. all her mother juls martinez can do is bear witness to her daughter's pain. >> my worst fear was here. like, "is she okay? is she breathing? is she alive?" >> so what's the first memory that you do have? waking up. i had so much blood in my mouth and my throat, all over. this wasn't just some black eye. it wasn't some scrapes and bruises. >> this is someone's child. this is a human being. this is a beautiful young woman. >> reporter: her jaw, wired shut for a month. but she says, she wanted the world to see her wounds. >> i felt like i was being choked and then i realized it was from the pressure of my jaw resting on my neck because it was dislocated. just in case if anything happens. >> when you lo

and i felt like that was something special for me, and i always admired my school teachers, school teachers to me my first grade school teacher never forgot her name, was mrs. jones, and then mrs. why it, another school teacher wow and they always said harvey, you have some skill and i've often thought about that, i thought everyone could draw as a child, i thought everybody could do something and then it dawned on me that adults have to tell children that they are special or have a special talent. oh using pretty or dance pretty or whatever it is, adults have to tell children that so they recognize that. to me that always impacted me in that i would tell my children those things, if they had a skill or a talent i would try to reinforce that to them, and with other children that i would meet, so the arch, i went to the indian school st. patrick's indian mission, and i was drawing one day. >> that's in oklahoma for those of -- you >> yes, in oklahoma. and the priest came by and he saw what i was doing and he said well harvey, you have talent. and he bought me pencil and paper and paint and i

i told a teacher i felt comfortable telling and from thenl i felt comfortable telling and from then iin school. in terms of the way you are treated as men, when you are grieving, compared to the way women are treated, russell what happened to you? we went to do a talk at trafalgar square, for the standing together christian charity, my wife andi together christian charity, my wife and i was waiting to go on stage, she was next to a woman and she said what you doing here, she said my husband is doing a talk. she said wouldn't it come better from you. she said why, does my husband grieve any she said why, does my husband grieve a ny less she said why, does my husband grieve any less than me? she couldn't, my mrs had to get up and walk away from this woman, why would it be better? i feel for my this woman, why would it be better? ifeel for my son this woman, why would it be better? i feel for my son as much as she did, you know. why do you think you are ignored sometimes?” did, you know. why do you think you are ignored sometimes? i think the women have carried the child. are ignored som

>> i felt her body. i stood there and i felt, i killed her. i killed her.ed her. >> reporter: erwin said he came back the next evening and put dee dee's body in the car and using a spare key he had for the mercedes, he started driving and headed for mexico. but he wondered how he would get back across the border so he left the car on a street in san diego and hired an off-duty taxi to take him back to l.a. erwin admitted to the murder he talked about it in a way that made it seem almost accidental? >> yes. he was willing to accept responsibility for the rage and the anger. he was not willing to accept responsibility that the murder happened intentionally. >> second-degree murder. >> reporter: but despite that, lewin felt a second-degree murder conviction was the best he could secure. and after erwin left the stand and took the plea, dee dee's friends and family had the chance to speak to him. they offered surprising words of gratitude and forgiveness to a now confessed killer. >> you did the right thing under the circumstances and for that, i thank you and