once i saw that, my eye was much sharper and i could see the details around me. i could see a small community, a family of maybe 12 had lived here. when i looked up into the cliff, i saw stacks of rock behind a little spall of the cliff that had stuck out and i realized there was a granary up there. i immediately started for it, climbing hand over hand up the cliff base. my breath tasted hot with discovery. i had found a secret. in past travels i had seen many granaries belonging to the anastasi but they had all been broken open by pot hunters or even by the residents themselves. this one had been built so no one would see it, like an attic accessed through a hidden floor. the structure was rectangular, like a cupboard. i touched its face with probing, diagnostic fingers, measuring it my eyes. 3 feet tall, 2 feet wide and 3 feet deep. i got up on my haunches and lightly dusted off the granaries roof which was undamaged. for 3,000 years not a breeze had entered this chamber, not an inkling of light. what tightly woven baskets were here, what woven textiles, what s

but then i got really scared when i saw people smashing windows. and running away as fast as they come plus. i. backed away trying to along on holding million not my baby in my hands suddenly i thought oh my god i see a thousand people rushing towards me i thought flashed through my mind i'm going to be killed in this town people picture. it's a really nice lower crowded into the gym as if we were cattle man for the slaughter house was searched wherever we could some on the floor others on the bench as senior pros were told just as country pliers from the ceiling only then did i realize what was going on. that it bombs were in that ring. there was one in the middle and smaller ones on each side. the hostages were instructed to stay on the ground more than a thousand people sat on the floor of the gym with bomb suspended over their heads the terrorists demanded complete silence the hostages were not to shout cry or talk . is still a kid so crying we were told the heart of our and this is where we were then made believe or a hard thing they came to se

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.nson, 10 feet away. inside this kind of cave of debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately.tou can. >> he told me immediately he was on a lien that had been hijacked. -- on a plane that had been hijacked. he gave me a few details and

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.nson, 10 feet away. inside this kind of cave of debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately. >> the white house is being evacuated that comes from one of our fox producers in washington. the white house is being evacuated. the pentagon

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.nson, 10 feet away. inside this kind of cave of debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately. >> the white house is being evacuated that comes from one of our fox producers in washington. the white house is being evacuated. the pentagon

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.nson, 10 feet away. inside this kind of cave of debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately. >> the white house is being evacuated that comes from one of our fox producers in washington. the white house is being evacuated. the pentagon

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.nson, 10 feet away. inside this kind of cave of debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately. >> the white house is being evacuated that comes from one of our fox producers in washington. the white house is being evacuated. the pentagon

comment about the first thing i saw after the blast was a lightbulb hanging on the ceiling. everything around me had turned black i just went to look for my mother. i approached a boy lying on the floor blood was losing out of his had she looked very much like my son and i couldn't bring myself to come closer in photo woman who was near me. is it my comic. fortunately for natalia the dead boy's name was not to my line and tell you son had survived the blast and so had her two daughters my hero mom stylist go on christina. and to tell you is unable to walk her left arm is almost motionless she was injured before the main blast by a fragment from a grenade that exploded in the hands of one of the terrorists then fragment remains stuck in her head for two days as she sat in the gym trying to comfort her three children and doctors say natalia still has a chance of recovering from her injuries but it requires a long rehabilitation process and much money she's only thirty five years old which though my dream is to be in my special forces it was such officers the fifth. i want to ge

i saw captain thomas who was trying to pull debris. i looked to by side and i saw mr.debris, already my uniform is starting to melt, my shoes are starting to melt. i'm really eager for him to get out of there and go. he says he can't budge. out of desperation, i laid on my back under him and put my feet up on the debris over his head and i leg pressed, as hard as i could. >> me pushing with my back against this pile and him pushing up with his legs he managed to get most of the debris up to extricate himself from this huge pile of rubble that pinned him to his desk. >> the total thing took 30 minutes. i didn't think i had much time left when the rescue team came. >> somebody was still up in there. we couldn't get everybody out. >> my boss didn't make it. >> second -- >> d.c. fire going to plan e. emergency plan requires all off-duty personnel to report back to stations immediately. >> the white house is being evacuated that comes from one of our fox producers in washington. the white house is being evacuated. the pentagon as well. >> pack up and go plane was just hijac

. >> how could god be in the horror of what i saw? >> narrator: tonight on "frontline," an intimate and profound investigation of the spiritual aftershocks of september 11. >> i asked god in the beginning, you know, "if you can give me just one, i'd appreciate it." ( laughs ) but i knew from being a fireman that my son couldn't have been in a worse possible position. >> narrator: those who lost loved ones, and many other americans, are haunted by questions of faith. >> today our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature. >> narrator: was it true evil the world witnessed that day? was religion itself to blame? and where was god on september 11? >> i couldn't believe that this god that i'd talked to in my own way for 35 years turned this loving man into bones. and now i can't bring myself to speak to him anymore because i feel so abandoned. >> narrator: tonight, confessions of faith and doubt at ground zero. >> frontline is made possible by contributions to your pbs station from viewers like you. thank you. and by the corporation f

maybe i'll think about that man that i saw jumping out of the 101th. i don't know who he was.but he's in my thoughts all the time. maybe i'll think about the construction workers. one of my best moments that day was about 5:00, 6:00 at night when i came back here for the second or third time and i was standing up north there and i saw all these big men walking toward me. they weren't firefighters or police officers. they were construction workers. i went up to one of them and said what are you doing here? he said, "we came here to pick things up because we're big." "and we can help." i said, "well, you can. you're just going to have to put hats and masks on." about' 300-400 of them just walked in and started picking things up. and then eventually turned out to be about a thousand. it made you feel like you weren't alone. it made you feel like, gosh, all these big men are going to come and help out and get you out of it. that was true of the whole country. we got tremendous help from mayor daly in chicago. he sent chicago police officers here. we got tremendous help from govern

when i got home, i saw everything else that was going on. al's they have built our beautiful. the services are heartwarming. my prayers are with all the families, victims, and everybody connected with this. i thank them so much, all of our military and officials. i love my country. i thank all of them. god bless everybody. >> that was ricky from mississippi. here is a tweet. the next call is kathleen from massachusetts. >> when the towers happened, i was in high school at the time. when i saw the first tower fall, i was in math or english class. at first i did not know what was going on. i sought a whole bunch of people running around -- i saw a bunch of people running around. i saw friends and family. i was in the cafeteria. really, justke surprised. i was like, oh, my god. >> another young person tweets to us.s mayor giuliani of new york was asked to testify before the 9/11 commission in 2004 as they put together the pieces of what happened. here is a clip from him in may of 2004 talking about his experience in lower manhattan as the two to

and when i came over crest, this is what i saw. as i worked my way down, closer to that center spot, which was a void in all of the debris, a stairwell -- when i arrived there, i heard someone come out of the stairwell and say, the men are intact and it says on the stairwell that this stairway is from the north tower. and there was a palpable hush that pushed outward into this gang of men as i imagined they were all feeling that flight themselves and their comrades' last moments. every day in the first three or four months while the fires were raging down below, anytime a piece of steel was pulled out of the pile, oxygen would race in and explode and usually huge clouds of ash and debris would rise up. and it happened here a few minutes before and as that cloud rose it sailed past the building after sunlight was glinting off a sharp edge and came from the clouds from this light. somewhat like a 19th century romantic painting, so i've been told. we're having a little bit of a technical problem here. ah! there's no question now about

when i saw that in bosnia and in the "the heart and the fist" i write about how i saw things in other places as well. i saw it in rwanda where i was working with people in 1995 who had survived the genocide. i was working with children many of whom had been separated from their parents. i saw it in bolivia where i was working with children on the street. as many of you know there are hundreds of children who live in places like something crucible livia who wake up every day and spend their days begging, selling gum and cigarettes, begging and selling gum and cigarettes like this girl who spent her day shining shoes. i saw this in cambodia, where i was working with people who had lost limbs of the landmines and where i was working with kids, some of them young kids who lost limbs and landmines whose families lived on less than 1 dollar a day. kids who were survivors of polio, who when they were fitted with prosthetics literally when they were fitted with prosthetics literally had to learn how to walk again. and what i saw in all of the situation was how important was, how essential it

i. saw it far away in the pacific i was a tiny atoll of bikini in the marsh a lot doesn't spot the ambition of mankind credible thought it was going to be the graveyard of many ships a ghost a navy man then i go to pigs and white rats awaiting the atomic bomb. i mean they have personnel come a shot account out that first us to deal with the island those who live down the japanese mandate about twenty. now to examine. the united states now wants to turn this great. power in something for the benefit. and the experiments. are the first step that's correct. i think it's generally the case that the greater and more durable impacts come from preparation for war rather than combat self. defense lines to support the man who marked gen salem. but the mobilization reaches still further into the life of the nation axes must bring in the forests and trees must fall or the sawmills. and builders right for lumber states feel the need to be militarily prepared and in the modern world that has meant buildi

you know, i saw a lot of people injured. i saw a lot of people helping other people.t i'm not in a position to speculate at all we will leave that to the professionals. >> listen, it's good to get everybody's vantage points, everybody sees things from a different angle. so ben, we appreciate talking to you. >> can i tell you one more thing, anderson? >> yeah of course, ben. >> i can't understate enough that i'm -- i was watching the plane it is a p-51 mustang, i'm fan of that aircraft and i really just want to say that it is by the grace of that i'm talking to you right now and this pilot saved a lot of people's lives and i just want to make sure that is a report. i know that there's people hurt. i know that he is there a probably people that didn't make it but this could have been so much worse. >> yeah. that is a good perspective to v you said you were a fan of the airplane what about this airplane makes you a fan? i mean, tell me about this p-51? >> well it is my opinion that the p-51 helped us win world war ii. and you know, is a great design, great aircraft, it w

. >> the first thing i saw were papers flying and i thought to myself, there's no ticker tape parade going on in new york. i looked up and i saw that there was a hole-in-one of the towers. my instinct was to grab my camera and ran a block towards the world trade center. >> everyone was sort of like froze, sort of staring up. trying to fathom what could have happened. >> my first reaction after i saw the second plane hit, i turned to my colleague and i said this is our pearl harbor. i thought the firemen are here. i figured they would put out the fire. i was down to one minute of videotape. so i went back upstairs. and i remember hearing the rumbling and feeling the rumbling. >> when i saw them collapse, it brought me to my knees. >> it was beyond belief. >> i don't think we could digest what we were actually seeing. it was almost like being in a science fiction move yee where buildings were toppling right before our eyes. >> we were completely covered in that white soot and you couldn't breathe. >> we found some terry cloth towels, cut them up so we could breathe in the smoke and ash

so i saw this rough cut of a very, very good, tough movie. it puzzled me a little bit when i saw it as to why it was being shot in black and white, since when i wrote the play, i wrote it in color, you know. but i realized that even back then, a serious movie had to be in black and white, that if a serious movie was in color, it wouldn't be taken seriously. very, very interesting. so i saw the rough cut without the music, and it was a good, fair, honest, tough representation of my play. then i saw it a second time, when they added the movie music, and the whole thing changed. all of its ambiguities and all of its toughness were softened by the movie score-- you know, the score that tells you when you go to a movie how you're going to-- supposed to react and what's going to happen. that got in there and really did serious damage to the film. i wish people could see it without the film score. much better. much better movie. did you object to the music? uh, no. it was a fait accompli at that time, and they'd warned me, you know: you can complain

what i saw and what i experienced let me feeling without a doubt that you have succeeded in a way that is amazingly admirable, and in a way that we should be striving for here in san francisco. and most importantly, that i know we can reach. that was my biggest take away. there is a wonderful presentation of all of the elements, many of the elements they are using to make the netherlands said world-renowned bicycling environment. i saw that san francisco has some many of these elements already in place. we are so far down the line, what we need is to bring it together. what i saw were similarities, and it was impressive to learn the meeting with dutch planners and local city officials that amsterdam and san francisco -- i will focus on amsterdam because that is where i spent most of my time, but these cities are very similar. similar populations, similar population densities. they are laid out very similar in terms of residential density. we're centers for strong regional economies, similar in economic drivers. tourism is number one. viking is part of their tourism. also big finance, c

you know, i saw a lot of people injured. i saw a lot of people helping other people.ate at all. we will leave that to the professionals. >> listen, it's good to get everybody's vantage points. everybody sees things from a different angle. so, ben, we appreciate talking to you. >> can i tell you one more thing, anderson? >> yeah, of course, ben. >> i can't understate enough that i'm -- i was watching the plane. it is a p-51 mustang. i'm fan of that aircraft. and i really just want to say that it is by the grace of god that i'm talking to you right now and this pilot saved a lot of people's lives and i just want to make sure that is a report. i know that there's people hurt. i know that there's probably people that didn't make it, but this could have been so much worse. >> yeah. that is a good perspective to have. you said you were a fan of the airplane. what about this airplane makes you a fan? i mean, tell me about this p-51. >> well, it is my opinion that the p-51 helped us win world war ii. and you know, is a great design, great aircraft, it was a beautiful plane fl

and when i saw from i am describing the destruction to the land i couldn't help wondering where this happened to our cornfields are being sealed i would we feel if that happened. and i was the only. the there. i went there that were knowing nothing at all but when i saw that level of destruction i could not believe that this was going to lead to democracy that this was a line in the sand that was going to be. put the cause of freedom i wast whatever little faith i had in the war being no work and he's. got bored. bored bored. bored. bored. bored. but away in the pacific i was a tiny at all of bikini in the martial art doesn't start with the ambition of mankind but edible thought it was gone over the graveyard of many ships goes the navy man don't know if i go to take some of my friends waiting at sonic but. i mean maybe a personnel come a shot a callee out that first task to deal with the islanders who lived on a japanese mandate for twenty years now to jamie the. united states now wants to turn this great it power in something part of benefit. and that is experiment here. are the fi

i saw her walking around with all the rest of the brothers. i thought maybe she had something that she did not want to give us. [laughter] that is righteous. i respect that. whenever you have to do. then she got me into the interrogation room and she said to me, you say you have education. where did you go to school, high school? public-school of new york. this does that add up. i skipped two grades before college. where did you go to college? how did you pay for college? you went to grad school? how did you pay for law school? what did that have to do with my case? i was just going with the flow. finally, she said to me, it is my professional obligation to inform you

and i saw debris and smoke flying everywhere. i said oh, my god.got to be hurt with that. this is just unbelievable. and this is an amazing event to watch but it happens every now and then, but never this scale. there is a number dead. everybody is in shock. >> and. >> i just have a question. has the name been released? >> gus we have you on the air live with us. this is a friend of the pilot. yes. gus. the name has been released. are you there with us? >> yes, ma'am. >> i'm so sorry for your loss. can you tell us a little bit about the pilot? >> he was a dedicated man, dedicated to the safety of the races and quality of his craft. and i was not a personal friend. i spent time observing and working with his crew last year during a fellow shoot. he was a man dedicated in the race. he wasn't a young man. that he was of enormous stam ma and loved what he did. it's a tragic day for air racing and people and fans and those that have been hurt. it's terrible. >> gus? >> finish your thoughts. >> it's just, their machines and i suppose things can go wrong

i saw it on tv. and i did not believe it. right away, there was accusation against dr.i think everybody here can now say the same thing. we're all alive today because of dr. murray. he's a great man. he's the only doctor that i've had that's called me at my home to find out how i am. >> dennis, what's your view? >> he's the most compassionate man that i've ever met. best doctor i've ever had. and unlike them, he came to my house when i was sick. >> do you think he saved your life? >> absolutely. mine, my brother's, two brothers, two or three of my friends. >> what do you think happened here? let me start with you, how did conrad find himself in this position? >> i spoke with him before he went to work with michael. and he loved him. he treated him there in vegas. and he cared for him. so when michael felt he had the need, conrad went to work for him. as far as administering the propofol, is that how you say it, i don't know what happened there. i don't know if michael was doing it before conrad got there and conrad was just overseeing it. but i know one thing for sure,

you know, i saw a lot of people injured. i saw a lot of people helping other people.eculate at all we will leave that to the professionals. >> listen, it's good to get everybody's vantage points, everybody sees things from a different angle. so ben, we appreciate talking to you. >> can i tell you one more thing, anderson? >> yeah of course, ben. >> i can't understate enough that i'm -- i was watching the plane it is a p-51 mustang, i'm fan of that aircraft and i really just want to say that it is by the grace of that i'm talking to you right now and this pilot saved a lot of people's lives and i just want to make sure that is a report. i know that there's people hurt. i know that he is there a probably people that didn't make it but this could have been so much worse. >> yeah. that is a good perspective to v you said you were a fan of the airplane what about this airplane makes you a fan? i mean, tell me about this p-51? >> well it is my opinion that the p-51 helped us win world war ii. and you know, is a great design, great aircraft, it was a beautiful plane flying i

i was carrying around parts of dolls. except one aunt. she screamed every time she saw me carrying the 3 sets of legs and arms and 3 heads 234 thericcety carriage i pushed around. to assure my aunt the dolls were doing well. i would reassemble them mixing and matching the different parts of the dolls. may be it was a child's way of remembering the acts and the passion of iceis in search of her fragmented husband and the passion of [inaudible] tearing apart and putting together her colonizing bright sister. i still love dolls i collect them. what about you asked amy. she was disapointed when i told her that i hadn't cared from dolls since i was in my early teens. in the late 1990's a friend wanted to give me a custom made doll. i requested a chinese young girl doll. and with my friend's permission i gaveamy the doll. the last time i saw the doll was in a collection of dolls aranged with great care in the house by the lake in madison where amy's memorial was held in 1999. last year, 7 years after amy's death i saw an old woman selling dolls right in front of the young fed

i got out of the military in nine hundred sixty six i got out because of things i saw the things that i was doing and this reasons that we were given for doing it was a personal protest it was just me getting out of the service and there was no movement to join i found the war. more and more repulsive and i felt that i just couldn't be a part of eventually i said look i'm not training you guys anymore i don't agree with what you're doing i think it's immoral i think it's medically ethical and i just stopped through out of the clinic. it took a few weeks for the army to catch up with that and when they did they invited me into the commanding officer office and said look what are you doing here and i told them exactly what i was doing i said i'm not training and they said well you know you should know the consequences of that and i said i'm perfectly aware of the consequences so i'm not training at that point it was obvious that i was going to be court martialled a few days later i got to court martial nokes. howard levy spent three years in prison. along with him three g.i.'s a fort ho

i saw her walking around with all the rest of the brothers. i thought maybe she had something that she did not want to give us. [laughter] that is righteous. i respect that. whenever you have to do. then she got me into the interrogation room and she said to me, you say you have education. where did you go to school, high school? public-school of new york. this does that add up. i skipped two grades before college. where did you go to college? how did you pay for college? you went to grad school? how did you pay for law school? what did that have to do with my case? i was just going with the flow. finally, she said to me, it is my professional obligation to inform you -- not only as an attorney but as a registered nurse acting as a dentist -- you may have a bipolar disorder. she said, it is nothing bad. something -- sometimes people create alternate realities for themselves as a coping mechanism for how to deal with stress. i was like, are you saying i am crazy? she did not believe anything that i said. she said, when it comes to the judges, do

whoosh, whoosh. >> everything out there turned black and then i saw -- i just saw flames. >> the floorxploded up, threw me against the wall. after it threw me, i got up, went to the back door and i looked out the back door and i saw my hot tub and everything was on fire. my backyard flames were shooting across my backyard. i opened the door and the smoke, black smoke came in and i sucked it in and i went, oh, man, i'm in trouble here. >> let's get to breaking news as chopper 5 is showing us a picture here of san bruno, massive flames and smoke coming out of the san bruno area. >> patrol, this is engine 77. is there a large fire approximately at the redwood san carlos border, large must be 50-foot flames in the air. >> let's go to third alarm! we have multiple houses, we're trying to get close. we have possibly several blocks on fire at this time. >> get it in, keep going! >> i was just on fire immediately so i turned the other way and i started running up the hill. next thing i know, my feet, my shoes are melting. they are -- so i threw my shoes off and then i saw my neighbor across th

and when i saw from high in the sky the destruction to the land i couldn't help wondering what if that had happened to our cornfields are being sealed i would really feel if that happened. yeah. i. i went to that war knowing nothing at all but when i saw that level of destruction i could not believe that this was going to lead to democracy that this was a wind in the sand was going to be. the cause of freedom i wast whatever little faith i had in the war and being noble in any sense. father way in the pacific lies the tiny atoll of bikini in the bottle i've chosen a spot on the on beefing up mankind most credible false little girl and over the graveyard of many ships a ghost a navy man down there by goats pigs and white rats awaiting the atomic blast. i mean maybe a personnel come a thought a county out the first us to deal with the island those who live down the japanese mandate twenty. nine exams. the united states now wants to turn this great. power or something for the senate. and the experiments. are the first step is not correct. i think it's generally the case that the greater a

i saw all the shades of green, i was able to get my own ego out of the way. i thought he is amazing. this brother of mine is amazing. he has built up something astonishing here. it was almost like he was no longer invisible to me. i could begin to see him. then when i watched him walking ahead of me, i realized he has the same gape i do. we are probably so much more alike than we ever allowed ourselves to think. that was a beginning moment for me. >> one of the narratives that runs through this book, particularly as he becomes more sick in the last part of it, you are the relentless, you are going to be okay, there is going to be hope, if i make enough contacts, i'll fix this. he is the almost unfailing despite his occasional request to you to help voice of it is not going to get better, deal with it, what did you learn over the course of that thing about the terrible tension between hope and reality acceptance when you are close to someone who has a terminal illness? >> that is such a hard question because the fact is they are so you. you are looking at your