and again, the best thing that can be said about steve toth is that he is introducing the idiotic bill to get media attention, which we have just granted him. and the worst thing that can be said about steve toth is he is introducing the idiotic bill, because he doesn't know it is an

he doesn't know it is an unconstitutional idiotic bill.lican said some crazy stuff about the new bill that governor cuomo just got through the legislature. republican leader steve katz really hates the ban on magazines that would hold more than seven bullets. >> i come to albany proudly and voluntarily as a citizen legislator. i leave my wife and three young daughters home alone for days at a time. to represent my constituents up here, far from home. after what happened to the young mother in loganville, georgia, who defended her two young children against an intruder, this bill -- there will be more than seven bullets in a magazine in my wife's firearm. >> okay, well, how about not taking a job where you have to leave your wife and three young daughters home alone for days at a time? how about that? okay, a couple of things here, first of all, the young mother in loganville, georgia, he was just talking about used a simple revolver against an intruder. a revolver that held only six bullets. she didn't need seven or more than seven. her bu

shoot it, you idiots. >> jon: good luck, sam.on't worry about her.sh qj]rn1n1-xaq-x@ddé"..q-x,x("b0bx [cheers and applause] >> jon: dwoam back. my guest tonight an actor. his new movie is called "gangster squad." >> when we succeed, nobody will ever know what we've done. no medals new york promotion, but i'm d no medals, no promotion but i'm here to tell you there's death in it waiting for the man who hesitates. our only advantage is he won't know who we are. i have only one rule in this outfit. leave these at home. we're not solving a case here we're going to war. >> jon: please welcome josh brolin. [cheers and applause] please -- [cheers and applause] have a seat. [cheers and applause] well done. the legion salutes. >> when they caught back to the other people, i can't tell whether they are bored listening to that great exposition or not. >> jon: not bored at all. >> we're going to war. >> jon: we're going to war. they should call this film, not gangster quad but handsome squad. because every one of those shots. there's one guy

that was the title of the role was playing. >> the village idiot.ad a full name. >> you know what is great about your show. usually you do the shows and you have to keep the momentum. >> jon: what do you mean? >> letterman s, or whatever, leno. i start to talk and you have another joke already. how many times already have i done this? >> jon: exactly. let me tell you why. don't interrupt me. [ laughter ] stop it. hold on. here is why: here is why: >> yes, i'm listening. >> jon: those other guys prepare. [ laughter ] >> i'm a spoan -- sponsor spontaneous actor jnch right now we're on a j-date. we're feeling each other out. two wovles. two alpha male. one alpha male and one lab door retriever. we're sniffing each other as butts a little bit. this is the first time. next time you get to talk. >> you backed up. >> jon: i did. >> you sought hair on your fingers he said he is more of a man than i am. >> jon: i'm more of an otter than you. you are not a hersuit man? because i would have thought -- >> do you want to see? i'm not. >> jon: no, no, no. >> you

neil: i understand, but the media frames you as idiots.urn around, make them look like idiots. >> exactly right. i want to see any big shot anchor man or sunday morning show host explain why it's better to reauthorize americorp than to cut the marine corp., why authorize public television than it is to, in fact, hold the line on the debt. neil: okay. >> the fact of the matter, the narrative can be come pepped to come out of the legislative action of the congress, let them step out first, and let the media play catchup. neil: dick, thank you, no exception to referring to the others as big shot anchorman. a overshot on your point. >> no, no, way beyond that. neil: thank you very much. it is a wonder why we had buyers on wall street. stocks up again despite washington giving up, again, at least for now, today, proof that republicans are not just passive observers in the circus, but accomplices to what, to me, looks like a fiscal crime. the house landing a vote tomorrow to push back the debt ceiling, another three months to may. monica, michae

but you idiots needed to get into my business.et asking, but why are you laughing? it's ironic. i'm sure i'll regret asking, but why-- depression in cancer patients is not as common as you think. it's not the dying that gets to people. it's the dying alone. the patients with family, with friends, they tend to do okay. you don't have cancer. you do have people who give a damn. so what do you do? [laughter] you fake the cancer, then push the people who care away. because they're boring. go home to your hotel room and laugh at that irony. start small, house. take a chance. maybe something that doesn't involve sticking stuff in your brain. pizza with a friend. a movie. something. follow my finger. do you know your name? his speech center was on the right side. it'll be a while before he's talking. he hasn't really done anything except to stare off into the distance. he'll take some time to... [uplifting piano music] oh, uh... ♪ you buttoned your shirt. he looks happy. [gomez' see the world] ♪ ♪ ♪ day to day ♪ where do you want to be?

being idiots. >> they should not be idiots. >> despite the snow, the pavement on roads and highways held up well here it highway administration officials say there are salt trucks treating the roads that help deep the roads free from being treacherous in the baltimore region. silt -- salt residue is still around. as a high roads remain clear, many sidewalks were snow- covered. and slippery like this intersection. >> it is bad. a car is going up there now. >> the city says it has been working hard to clear as many neighborhood roads as possible. the transportation department to eat it out that they had used 2000 tons of salt so far tonight. we are live in north baltimore thomas wbal-tv 11 news. >> you can get the forecast on the iphone and android apps with live radar and instant weather 7 day forecast. mother nature has done an excellent job of bringing polar bear winter temperatures to this event. this event raises millions of dollars for special olympics athletes. people have been braving that elements. >> i'm holding up really well. i'm not going into the water. for the people going i

so now he thinks he's locked in the store, and starts going crazy. >> what an idiot!t of those stoshres only one door works. right? >> he starts freaking out, running all over the store, over the counter. trying to look for a different exit route. isn't able to find one. finally he grabs the coffee machine. uses it to break the woichbd in the locked door. just over it. escape the. police are still looking for him. but the magnitude of this man's stupidity is -- >> this guy goes in, attacks the cashier, doesn't get money. thinks he's locked in. doesn't bother trying the other door, then has to smash the coffee machine through the -- what a dummy. >>> it's the latest video to go -- >> crazy viral. >> the dude giving the web a different view of his instrument -- next. q x >>> some new technology is headed our way, boys. not talking about a pad of paper. actual pad like ipad but the move, texture of an ipad. >> takes the weight, thickness out of it. >> made with flexible plastic. put together by queens university in cooperation with plastics and intel lab. >> this thing h

. >> they should not be idiots. >> no, they should not be idiots. >> good advice right now. i can say that. is the salting operation in the baltimore area. it is more of a plowing operation in western maryland. i am told the frederick area. carol, frederick, garrett, a washington counties -- carroll. wherever you are, the friday commute started early and is likely to end late. wbal tv-11 news. >> thank you, george, thank you. there were reports that a child fell through ice. skycam 11 rushed to the scene. here is what we learned. kids were seen walking on the ice. anyone nearby it like we saw a flurry of activity. no one was hurt and it was a false alarm. you can see updated school and government closings on our website and our mobile app. you can also get alerts on your phone and e-mail. go to wbaltv.com and click. weather. >> thousands were late getting to work this morning. mta officials till 11 news that power lines became entangled with part of a commuter train on the 10 line. the lines began to sag. that is why subsequent trains were halted and that interrupted several

this guy is an idiot. >> see why the driver is going after the photographer next. >>> look what's coming up on video. >> it's pretty spectacular. >> the universe is incredible. you're on timeout leo! some things won't last 25 years. ah! woof! some things will. some things won't last 25 years. ah! woof! some things will. ones that have problems with the paparazzi. our do, too. what is that? a developmental volvo, xe-40 in camouflage. they frequently camouflage the cars when testing them so people don't get a picture of what the car will look like. the engineer driving this volvo doesn't like the idea of being photographed. >> what's your problem? >> what? >> he attacks the photographer. this guy is an idiot. dude, you're driving around a car that looks ridiculous like this and you're going to get mad because somebody is taking a picture of you. >> it's a video, dude. >> in what world is that camouflage. >> exactly. >> if he was maybing hanging out in a big old herd of zebras. >> or tim burton film. that cam

this guy is an idiot. >> see why the driver is going after the photographer next. >>> look what's coming up on video. >> it's pretty spectacular. >> the universe is incredible. i do interior decorating and styling for bars and restaurants. [ male announcer ] whenever a business switches from cable to verizon fios, there comes a moment when they get it -- the powerful difference 100% fiber optics really makes. i got it the first time i uploaded these massive design plans. it was kind of mind-blowing because it happened so fast. [ male announcer ] now do more business per second with the speed and reliability of verizon fios for business. get internet and phone for just $94.99 a month when you sign up online with a two-year price guarantee. plus, get a $200 verizon visa pre-paid card. verizon. verizon visa pre-paid card. ones that have problems with the paparazzi. our do, too. what is that? a developmental volvo, xe-40 in camouflage. they frequently camouflage the cars when testing them so people don't get a

i personally think the republicans signed up for an idiotic sequestration.deral -- the defense budget to take up 50% instead of the 20% that it represents and the federal budget so it has a disproportionate burden on already. that was completely in ignoramus who came up without one. the second part of the steel, they go around preaching about where or to have to do, this, that, cut. just let it go. just let it go and see what happens. because americans don't really get it. all the republicans look like a bunch of stodgy orthodox camino, members of an orthodoxy here just simply cannot resist saying no. if that's your idea, mr. president, it's your deal. let it rip. >> well, i mean, if it were not for the consequences of letting this administration and the autopilot that we are on for spending representative, would be with you. >> frankly, there should be no fight about raising the debt ceiling, and there should be notified about the reality of having to control spending. there should be a fight about how we do it, and what i would like to see the people in co

we don't clarify positions or say, look, you are being an idiot on this, i'm being an idiot on that, we be less idiots to get to this? >> it is because, washington is corrupt. it is not broken it is just totally corrupt. you have two parties who participate in this corruption, and i mean, i'm a conservative libertarian, i normally vote republican. but, sometimes i have to hold my nose to do it you know what that is like, so do a lots of our viewers. i'm not a real old style republican. democrats, i have no idea what happened to them, my parents were democrats and they don't resemble anything my parents used to vote for, what happened to the party? and a well the people say what happened to republican party they have no backbone, they never had a backbone, come on since abraham lincoln there was no backbone. neil: but, from your ex per yen, there was a point, whoever you talked to resigned him or herself, to all right i'm going to did this, or this is the best of what i got, i'll just do it you got them to resign themselves to it or the least of the evil choices, i don't know what, bu

you know my take is that any idiot can find god in the sunset. what is remarkable is finding god in the context of flawed human community and a tradition bigger than you are with people who may not reflect god back to you in your own image. part of the nature of religion, so much beat up on in our society, part of the nature of religion is that it delivers a message that is like sandpaper against the culture of narcissism. it is not all about you and, no, you cannot make it up. the beauty of a long tradition is that it is bigger than anything we can do by ourselves. >> another favorite target for daniel are christians who seem to her confused about how god works. >> about a year ago, perhaps you remember this from the news, a man who was alleged to be tim tebow's pastor announced to the world that he knew why the denver broncos were 7-1 since installing tebow as quarterback. he said it's not luck. luck is not winning six games in a row. it's favor, god's favor. sorry, but that pastor seems to have skipped his theology class. because saying that a

. >> i would never be that much of an idiot if i did do it, to put it in my yard, use my gun. there's no way you can think i did this. >> if there's a bright side to moore's incarceration is that media coverage made her a popular figure. >> you're pretty popular? >> most high-profile cases are. they get a lot of fan mail, she enjoys the attention. >> i get them from minnesota, california, new york -- they say they like me. >> much of her mail come from men in skral in prison achrisst cross the country. >> some are nice. some freak me out. one guy had a six page letter of what he wanted to to do to me when he gets out. he's charged with the crime of killing several people. he talked about fingertips can ras resting your body while saliva seduces your breast? i think it's hilarious that somebody would write this. not a "hi, how you doing" and it's a letter on how he wants to sex you, the first letter. you know what i mean? like a first date and a second date and by the third date you questions the guy, in grows straight to -- that's not how you do things and you wonder why you'r

it's paris, you idiot! they're everywhere, put down your digital device, go out and live your life, you american [ bleep ]! [ cheers and applause ] >> that is how you do a monologue! >> yeah! >> thank you, robin. robin williams, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] all right, we're going to take a break. ooook perfect on you, catherine! have we met? yeah, last week at the tax store i did your taxes. you work here too. yep. i thought you were an expert with returns? oh i am, especially after the holidays! major tax stores advertise for preparers with "no taxes experience necessary." at turbotax, you only get answers from cpas, eas or tax attorneys - all real tax experts. ...than h&r block stores and all other major tax stores combined. keeping up with the kids is tough, so i drink emergen-c. with vitamin c for immune support and b vitamins for natural energy, i'm ready for whatever they get into. get your free sample at myemergenc.com. stay healthy and feel the good. and under 550 calories each. you have to ta

>> caller: she is an idiot. >> stephanie: oh all right.ant that you think the president is all black. >> caller: well, just an example that lady that has eight kids i know people that are korean and white, those kids are 100% korean. >> stephanie: oh okay! so -- >> caller: 100% -- >> stephanie: but you don't think that is obama's mother -- >> caller: i have no idea. >> stephanie: she couldn't be if he is all black? >> caller: well maybe she adopted him. >> what does that have to do with this conversation -- >> caller: because all republicans are racist. you know the one with the big hat on -- >> stephanie: we have too many black people in congress with big hats on -- >> caller: -- our black boys blah, blah blah -- >> caller: who is the black congressman with the big hat? >> caller: i have no idea. >> stephanie: do you think congress people should not be allowed to wear points? >> caller: the point is she opened her big mouth -- >> stephanie: oh a black female congressman with a big hat. >> caller: yeah, she opened her big mouth. >> so blac

what could be more idiotic than for me to walk in here with a box of firecrackers and-- >> it was stupid, sir. >> there. you see? who but a member of a race of such infinite grace and politeness would refrain from calling me a nitwit and a baboon right to my very face? [chuckles] how do you do that? you don't have to answer, really, because it's just that centuries of culture. staggers the imagination.

. >> did you see what that idiot bush said i know he is such an idiot war criminal.resumed you are not necessarily on the right side. >> i have had other people tell me the same thing. they will lose roles in certain studios because certain studios are notorious for this and among certain producers if they don't do what you said roll their eyes at the mention of o'reilly. i think it's true. that is what is. >> ron silver turned to the right after 9-11 and worked for push in 2004. he was a friend of mine. suddenly in 2005 it never occurred to him in a million years he would lose work. he worked for 25 years his work dried up he had a troubled meeting in film and that happened. >> john thank you very much. in a moment adam corolla will his big trouble the comblier of the city got involved with charlie >> back in the segment rolling with corolla. let's get right to the podcast king who joins us now from los angeles. everybody is upset out there i understand. charlie sheen is hanging around with the mayor of la. is that true? what's going on? >> well, before we start sel

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they raise money and i keep thinking that -- raising money allows you to do things that are idiotic. but they still raised money. can you blame them? >> i can't blame them, and i will go a little further saying i applaud them. when i was looking at pictures of the disaster and watching rick's reports, the one thing that kept going out of my mind was you should photo shop some models into that. i thought it would spruce things -- i thought it would spruce it up. thank you, vogue, thank you, fashion, thank you anorexic heroin addicts. >> at the end of the day it was not sexy enough. >> i will tell you something. they would not have done this with katrina, would they? that is a very splits clear charged -- politically charged comment. maybe their response is this is different because it is in new york city and they are trying to do something. i just have a hard time with fashion doing something. it never looks right. >> maybe it was a recreation of an actual rescue. >> it is always interesting to see them around real people though. it is like, how the hell are you even able to watch? wh

because we still are arguing idiotic points. >> it's a good question. don't necessarily have the answer to that. i do know we can eliminate the deficit simply slowing down government growth. we don't need to cut government. we simply need to slow it down. if we do that we'll eliminate the annual deficit. >> you hear the argument that is like throwing granny off a cliff. >> i don't think it is. i disagree with it. neil: do you feel attempted to go into politics? >> no. if i ever do i hope somebody talks me out of it. neil: some of the best ideas i ever heard, john are from guys like you. the whole process soils you, oh, my god, i can't deal with it, it is so stupid? >> it is difficult because i found in my own experience when you're very authentic and tell the truth and honest often times get attacked. you get smeared, you, very difficult. takes a lot of courage, i think to go into the political realm these days. neil: will be interesting. put it that way. john mackey. whole foods market cofounder, co-ceo. conscience capitalism. read it. thought to paper

(dramatic music) stupid idiots! hey, riggs, the ammo! get out of there!osions) riggs, you crazy son of a gun! yeah! ha ha! son of a gun. it works. (gunfire) aah...hey! no clip. lorna, no, don't! (gunfire) aah! i'm gonna eat you're eyes! travis! hyah! armor-piercing bullets, yeah. cop killers. you're coming with me. riggs, get up! get up, riggs! killed in the line of duty, riggs! (gunfire) you like a funeral from the department, riggs? (gunfire) hey, riggs, cop killers! (gunfire) exop killers. go to hell, riggs. you first. (dramatic music) hey, riggs! ohh. i'm sorry, honey. i gotta do it. i gotta look. just hold still. hold still. hey, get a chopper, man. get a chopper. she had 2 vests on. she's gonna be ok. couple of bad ones, though. we need to get a chopper. ok, ok, ok. you're all right. you're with martin. you're all right. it's ok. just lie still. just a romantic evening by the fire, just the 2 of us. just be still. [sirens fading] lorna, honey, open your eyes. open your eyes. what are you trying to prove out there, huh? huh? why do you do that? can i

>>neil: idiots. idiots. doctor, thank you very were.n boehner, clint eastwood, richard simmons, what do they have in common? that is next. >>neil: speaker boehner lives for another day, the battled speaker boehner, still the speak we of the house because there were no good alternates in the house. why didn't they look outside the house? they could have. there is no law that says the speaker of the house has to come from the house of representatives or even be a congressman. house members can choose anyone they want. it is true. but they have always wanted one of their own. are we ever surprised whether it is speaker boehner office before him speaker pelosi that we get more of the same? same arguing? it would not be the same old going with speaker weaver. >> just call it even, okay. >> i would say we take off and nuke the entire site. >>neil: you cannot leave out clint. >> want to make my day. okay. >>neil: he would be different. if he gets off a chair and get as laugh, speaker, feeling lucky, he can talk to a president and get a deal. m

>> it is idiotic. let's just tax something in a ideal rule makes it better. this goes against obama care. gich health care practically away for free. you tax the vaccine, companies are less inclined to offer it free to the employees and costs are going to add up quicker and it defeats the purpose. >> the 75 percent tax and money go to the vaccine fund that you probably never heard of. is that right use of our money on the flew shot. 138 million. they took it . it doesn't work . it is a reventive measure. a lot of people don't want to take it. a lot of research said it doesn't work. it is 75 cents and not 75 percent. they paid out two billionn in claims? >> what this fund is for is to protect researchers in a suit or issue for the drug and alows them a insurance policy. like a driver's insurance policy, but for researchers. the flu vaccine has to change and innovative to deal with the new strains of the flu. 75 cent tax increase would allow the fund to remain stable. we pay a tax on the flu vaxx vax. it is a 75 percent jump and means that researchers are allow

i think you are an idiot.hought you were encouraging me. >> jon: that may be my first comedy night story. man would i have preferred that happening to me. i was riding in riding in the bd it was three seconds and it was like that guy got trampled look tax i'm so glad you came by. the movie looks hilarious. come see us again. >> i will.

look, a couple idiotic comments from a couple candddates can haage &t party is seen." seen."reesinglyy the r-n-- is tryi from washington to the states for leadership. 3 josh sommer says: "then by the een of the time, my wholl table was "then by tte end of the josh sommer ayss 3 3&leaaership. 3 3 end offthe ime, my whole bleeding."spelling....and sand-paper...thh lesson one teacher used... that maae ánoo senseá at all ...and a homeless man in florida... finds an bank-owned home......and does the only thing that makks sense to him...after the break 3&a....florida there are over 200 varieties of gourmet coffee that have earned the "keurig brewed" seal of approval. the keurig brewed seal is our commitment that the coffee inside will deliver a delicious cup of coffee every time. keurig brewed -- look for the only mark of genuine keurig quality. and styling for bars and restaurants. [ male announcer ] whenever a business switches from cable to verizon fios, there comes a moment when they get it -- the powerful difference 100% fiber optics really makes. i got it the first time i upl

>> i'm an idiot. >> an idiot. what do you do for a living?ramedic. >> a paramedic. >> yeah. >> now, in your chat here you essentially say you're a firefighter. >> yeah. >> don't you think that might impress a 13-year-old girl? >> i'm sorry. i -- >> what was your plan here today? >> i don't know. >> you don't know? >> i seriously don't know. >> well, it looks like you knew based upon this chat. "want me to rub your feet?" "yeah." >> no, no. >> when you see a passage like that in a chat log where an adult asks a child to do something like that, to rub your feet, that's like a power trip. "now i'm getting turned on," you said. how do i know you're not a cop? i'm not a cop. how do i prove it? call my cell and leave a sexy message. what do you want me to say? something to turn me on. how about firemen are sexy? laugh out loud. okay. >> it takes it a step further than, you know, being sexually excited. it is like you're trying to control this kid by making them do something. and it's disturbing. >> what would have happened if i had not been here? >

david: idiots, idiots, one word. thank you, gang. melissa: i'm melissa francis and here's what's "money" tonight. just when you think we're in the clear, congress reels us right back in. yes, there is finally fiscal cliff deal. now a brand new showdown looms over the debt ceiling. when will the madness end? we'll ask republican senator john barrasso. >>> plus a sperm donor being forced to pay child support. despite his signing away all parental rights before the baby was born. we'll look at money impact on the baby business everywhere. >>> and this picture will self-detruck in 10 seconds. the snap chat picture sharing app takes smartphones by storm. deletes content explicit or otherwise in just seconds after viewing it. or does it? how users could be literal caught with their pants down. we'll explain that one coming up. even when they say it's not it is always about money melissa: let's get right to a developing story right now. moody's rating agency just warning a short time ago that the fiscal cliff deal does not go far enough. mo

[ french accent ] "it's paris, you idiot! they're everywhere!ur digital device, go outside and live your life, you american [bleep]!" [ cheers and applause ] damon! matty damon! [ cheers and applause ] now, that... that is how you do a monologue! yeah! thank you, robin! robin williams, everybody! robin williams! all right. we're gonna take a break. [ laughter ] [ band plays "everyday is a winding road" ] ♪ let's go. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing the all-new cadillac xts... another big night on the town, eh? ...and the return of life lived large. ♪ that's all i know.onal. prior to joining h&r block... i was a cfo for 25 years. we know and we understand... tax laws, tax theories. this is my dream job. this is my favorite thing in the world to do. i've done 25,000 tax returns. you might say i've had some experience. i will back you up. bring it on. now is the best time to stock up and save... ...at petsmart! save up to 25% on thousands of items during the petsmart stock up and save sale. including all dog and cat cosequin® hip & joint supple

any idiot with half a brain should have been able to see armstrong of lying. they've been testing me like crazy. they've been following you. don't the results speak for themselves at a certain point? >> jon: hello! hello. [ laughter ] nailed it again. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] you know what? for as good as interviewing as i am, i would not be surprised if armstrong was also banging david patreaus. [ laughter ] looking at how the two of us have aged since that interview, i need to start doping. [ laughter ] so armstrong admits doping. it's a long road back to redemption. how can he find himself back to america's good graces. >> he has indicated a willingness to testify against others. >> jon: good, america doesn't like liars but they love a six in for more on the story were joined by asive mandvi in our -- assif mandvi in our regular segment paging dr. mandvi. >> thank you, jon. >> jon: from a medical standpoint how remarkable is armstrong's accomplishment? great question, jon. a lot of people are wondering how did lance armstrong maintain a web of lie

now you are masturbating to an absurd costume drama like an idiot. makes no sense. bravo paul cambria, jr., for standing up for the freedom of expression as our forefathers instend as seen as in your pands and bend over ben franklin. both 100% historically accurate with no condoms why is why they all die of syphilis.we b)%p [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back. my guest tonight has a new book called america's unwritten constitution. he's right the constitution wasn't written. it was dick dated by jesus. please welcome akhil reed amar. thank you. mr. amar thank you so much for joining us. good to see you again. haven't been on the show in a few years. you are one of these east coast ivy league liberal educators, right? you teach at yale. >> guilty as charged. >> stephen: okay. all right. you have yourself a new book here called "america's unwritten constitution: the precedent and principles we live by." what do you mean unwritten constitution. the criewtion is a -- constitution say document, the words of which we live by. how can we live by an unwritten one

they're idiots, they're savages. they just didn't get it. >> oh, come on. >> hey! hey, hey, hey! wow, great dance, assholes. you know what? just like you low-life shits, i didn't get invited to the after party either, but whatever. i'm just gonna have sex with somebody to feel better about myself. i'm gonna bang the next person who talks to me. so who's it gonna be? >> hi-yah! how you doing, fellas? >> hey, schmitty, excuse me. >> hey, did i miss the festivities? >> excuse me... >> what are we doing here? what's going on? >> schmidt, no, no! >> hey, how are you? >> do you want to have sex with me? >> yes, i do. >> well, there you go. >> see you, guys. monster. >> oh! >> you all right? where do you want to go? you got a car? >> i don't know. >> we'll use mine, come on. >> schmitty. >> let's go back to the bar. >> yeah. >> let's go, charlie. >> yeah. >> schmitty just... >> swooped in and grabbed the most disgusting girl here. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applaus