j.j., please. j.j. j.j., stop. t.c., what's wrong? look, j.j., i got to level with you. this isn't me. the hair isn't me. the dress isn't me. well, then, who are you? don't you see, j.j.? it's an act. i did this because i really like you, and i wanted to attract your attention. you're too nice a guy, j.j., and i feel guilty about fooling you. would you mind fooling me just a little while longer? is that what you really want, j.j.? uh, no, hold on, t.c. i'm not sure what i really want... at least from you. but i think we should take the time to find out. how much time, j.j.? well, as much time as we need. and we can start tomorrow by going to the dance, if you want to. i'd love to. that is, if you're sure i won't spoil your reputation. there's really not that much reputation to spoil. you mean, what they say on the ladies' room wall isn't true? -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com keeping your head above water

j.j., 'cause if i got to go, i'm taking her with me! [ laughs ] j.j.: hey, sweets. that's a nice set of wheels you got here. come on, j.j., don't be joking like that, man. you're in the presence of a very, very sick person. yeah... poor sweets. looks like the dice rolled a double six. bad news, why don't you take a short walk? right, boss. i'll take me and my boys on a little collection run. come here, chump. what you mean, "your boys"? you mean, my boys, right? yeah, right, your boys. just a little slip of the tongue. you better get out before i slip my foot up in -- go ahead, boy. get out! [ door closes ] hmm. "marion"?! i never knew your first name was marion! come on, j.j. be cool. that name goes no further than this room. isn't it okay if i just call you "sweet marion"? is it all right if i call you a hearse? now go over there and sit down. we got some important business to talk. i need a blood transfusion. i mean, i need it like yesterday. gee, marion. what?! i mean, uh... uh, sweets. now dig this. i'm not finished. listen, see, sweet daddy has this very, very rare blood type, which is only natural, since i never

j.j. think nothing of it. oh, j.j., i don't know what to say! oh, j.j., that's so generous, but, honey, where'd you get the money? well, folks, that is the real surprise. ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, peoples and peepettes... i'm glad y'all are gathered here for this news 'cause i want y'all to know that now you are looking at a famous working cartoon artiste. that's right. [ laughs ] j.j., are you sure this time? positive. you sold dynoman? not exactly, willona. from this fertile imagination springs forth another character -- one more dynamic and flamboyant than dynoman. 'cause if you dug dynoman, you can definitely dig... dyno woman! oh, my goodness. that's thelma! um... j.j., after all these years, you have been calling me ugly. and you did not even tell me you were gonna put my face on your cartoon-strip character. now, i think that's pretty... pretty fantastic. j.j., i love you. i love you, too, catfish face. oh, j.j. j.j., we always knew you'd make it. yeah, and i knew him when he was a nobody. [ laughs ] well, ma, now i'm moving up, a

j.j., do stop it. [ chuckles ] uh, listen, vanessa... about la maison, i think j.j. has something he wants to tell you. right, j.j.? uh, yeah. uh, vanessa, about la maison... yes, j.j.? so? uh, yeah. uh, so we better get down there early if we want to get ourselves a good table. what?! uh, just go wait outside for me. i'll be out there in a moment. [ smooching ] j.j., have you lost your mind? you can't afford la maison. the hatcheck girls there even drive rolls-royces. ma, give me credit for having some common sense. i mean, i got myself into this. i can get myself out of this. by myself, if you don't mind. thank you. ma, could you give me the name of the mildest dish-washing detergent to your hands? try...lip gloss. franois, i'll have the filet mignon, and i'll start with the escargot. fine. the snails are very plump this year. you would be, too, if all you ate all day was mud. j.j., people are starting to stare. perhaps monsieur would care for more time to decide. yeah. good idea. sacr\ bleu. and "vita blue" to you, too. j.j., do you know how embarrassing this is? now, what's the matter with you? uh, vanessa, my contessa, i

j.j., all right. florida, why are you so surprised? j.j.'s 17. today, kids read that kind of stuff. i don't like what's going on, and i don't want my kids exposed to it. what are you gonna do, florida? it's a whole new world. well, personally, i liked the old world better. j.j., come out of there. i want to talk to you. j.j., come out here. yeah, mama. j.j., how do you explain this? what? i don't know. if they can't explain it in here, i sure can't. don't give me none of your sass. what are you doing with this? that ain't mine. don't lie to me, j.j. i ain't lying. i wouldn't buy nothing like that. i'd rather wait for the movie to come out. hi, everybody. hi. what's happening? nothing. why don't you go outside and play? mama, i've been playing basketball for three hours. oh, well, then go outside and play some more. mama, what you trying to do? i could get a heart attack. all right. then go into my room and do your homework. already did my homework. michael! mama, why you trying to get rid of me? does it have something to do with what you're hiding behind your back? oh, don't be ridiculous. well, he does the most reading in the family. what you got there? is it something on black unity? in a way. it's "sexual behavior in the ghetto." j.j.! well, it ain't min

j.j.'s stupid art class again. i'll tell you what started all this, ma -- june 18, 1957. the day "omen iii" was born. mama, j.j.'s art classes are here. i mean, this apartment is crowded enough. it may be crowded, but the fees j.j. gets from his students is helping to pay the rent. ma, he only has two students -- clumsy earl, who eats more than he paints, and dumb donna. dumb donna?! that's right. dumb donna. she said... "mazola or crisco?" that's dumb, honey. well, you got to admit that that little earl mitchell really has got talent. michael, did you see this one? let me see, mama. hold on. yeah, that one's really good. but did you take a look at this monstrosity? what do you call it? hey, come on, michael. donna's one of my prize students. uh, this is, uh... this is, uh... an abstract version of pizza with everything on it. well, it looks like an explosion in a paint factory. [ knock on door ] well, look here, y'all. donna's got a lot of talent. it's just a matter of bringing it out, you know? hi, j.j. hi, everybody. hello, donna. nice to see you again. hi, michael. yeah, baby, you got a lot of talent. j.j., i just know i'm gonna be a famous artist someday. yes. i saw the cutest purple smock today. it was lo

j.j.'s face on mr. america's body? i don't know -- j.j.'s face?! oh, my god. he took the wrong drawings. cool it, flo. the bionic woman will take care of this! oh, hurry, willona! oh! what is it, a raid? oh, those stairs... is murdering my support hose. are you larry's mother? what's left of her, yeah. but if this ain't enough for you, i think some more of me is laying back there on them stairs. our elevator's out of order. after that climb, so am i. i'll go tell larry you're here. come on in. okay. you come into the kitchen with me, i'll get you a cup of coffee. oh, that sounds nice. thank you. but how come y'all got to live so high up? closer to god. well, i ain't about to argue with that. and i guess i ought to thank you for breaking up the fight that larry got into. you know, it seems like the other kids is always picking on him for something or other. well, i think it's more to it than that. was thinking about taking him out of public school so he could be around other kids like him. i don't think that's the right thing to do. me neither, not when i saw how much it costs, even though the boy real

j.j. has passed before, and he probably will pass again. that's right. i always get off to a slow start, but i always come through in the stretch. j.j., you wouldn't care to bet on making it to the 12th grade, would you? yeah. and if i pass, i'm in the bathroom first for a whole month. a bet? a bet. and if you don't pass, you do the dishes for a whole month. a bet? a bet. hey, it's getting late. you kids better get moving now. time's running out. bye, sweetheart. see you later, daddy. you be careful. okay, we'll be careful. and you all go straight to school, you hear? and come straight home. yeah, without a doubt. okay, baby. oh, baby, i sure hope junior does make it. me too. imagine -- next year, yeah, florida, that's something i've been looking forward to -- the whole family sitting there watching junior march down the aisle in his cap and gown, the head of his graduation class. i'll settle for the middle of the class. i'll settle for the end of the line. ma, here's my report card -- all a's and one b. i'll catch up with you yet, michael. michael, thelma, i'm so proud of you. oh, and look at that, thelma -- an "a" in english, b-plus in algebra, and "a" in history! oh, your daddy is gonna be so proud of you! we got two geniuses here. well, mama... now from the sublime to the ridiculous. don't forget, mama -- i'm the victim of 300 years of oppression. all right! just what i always wanted -- sleep-in help. oh, thelma, this is no time to tease your brother. i won a bet, ma. i won a bet. didn't you pass anything? don't forget, mama -- i'm still your firstborn. j.j., what are you talking about? you passed! faked you all out! [ shouting indistinctly ] dy-no-mite! and, girl, take a good look at that bathroom 'cause that's the last time you're gonna see it for a month. hey, what's all the hollering about? james, j.j. passed into the 12th grade. say what? j.j. passed! you want to hear it in instant replay. you want an instant replay? i'm show you instant replay. faked you all out! oh, junior, i'm really proud of you, son. you got an "a" in art and a "c" in all the rest of your classes. how, junior? how'd you get those grades without doing any studying? i'll tell you how. 'cause i'm blessed with total recall. i read something once, and it stays right here like it's chiseled in stone. you got a "c" in history on your report card, but you got an "f" on this history exam. how come? i can explain that, mama. good. and maybe you can also tell me what happened in the year 1066. how should i know? i wasn't even born yet. now, junior, your mother asked you a

j.j. couldn't win a prize with any of his paintings, anyway. that's how much you know. j.j. has real talent. yeah? well, if he's got real talent, how come he never sold anything? he will. just give him time. he's had lots of time, but nothing's ever happened. he said he was gonna be star of the basketball team, and the coach dropped him after the first practice. that's only because he was too tall. when he jumped, his nose got caught in the net. there, he's clumsy. that's enough of that, children. he's not supposed to be an athlete. he's an artist! an artist?! he's an amateur who -- thelma! that's enough of you putting your brother down. no, ma. maybe thelma's right. you need a whole bunch of talent and training for that. i ain't even close. now, you hold on just one minute, junior. you my son, and the last thing i ever want to hear you doing is running down your own thing. now, painting is your thing, ain't it? well, i want it to be. well, all right, then paint on. what you gonna do, james? i know what i'm doing. just let me deal with this. here, son. you take this down to

j.j., i like it just the way it is. stand over there in the light, fred, j.j., please. a little mistake with the hairline, but no problem, easy to correct -- erase it. won't somebody stop him? you can, alderman davis, but first you have to stop acting like a politician and behave like a human being. florida, you must understand. there will be other jobs. i think we can leave now, fred. hey, hey, hey. has anyone seen penny? well, who have we here? aren't you a sweet little pumpkin face? hey, mama, you asking for it. uh, gary, maybe you should -- no, flo, let sweet little gary say hello to the nice lady. gary, my name is miss forbes, and i just may be your brand-new bus driver. funny little fellow. oh, boy. fresh blood. oh, uh -- pay attention, totem pole. you might learn something. don't worry, mama. there's nothing to it. we won't even make you pick up the ants. ants?! yeah, my friend chester hill got mad at our last bus driver and threw his ant farm at him. now, gary -- it's okay now. they're almost gone. it was my idea to bring in the spiders. spiders?! they love ants

j.j. is so cool, he wrote me back immediately and is funny. don't even sweat it. don't beat yourself up." he was so kind. so thank you, j.j. for being on. >> jimmy: is that right. only you. >> turns out i don't think i'm going to be playing hans solo in the next "star wars." never know. he's a good dude -- he gets it. >> but what a nice guy. yeah and he goes. he said how funny, now we have this funny story to share with each other. >> anyway. happen to you. he's the best. >> i don't know what's wrong with me. you know -- >> jimmy: no, but then you -- >> i saw spielberg too, i gave ter. >> jimmy: no, no, stop doing that to people. >> no, no, no. i didn't do it didn't do it. >> jimmy: you didn't do it to the coen brothers, did you? >> no i didn't.th the coen brothers that was an amazing experience. >> jimmy: i mean "hail casear!" you're fantastic in it. everyone is great in it. every big star is in it. >> yeah.tt johanssen, channing tatum. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you and scarlett work together, were fantastic together. >> yeah yeah -- that was great. i'm only in the movie for aunt of time. i don't want to front. like they put me

j.j., a special teenager looking for a forever family. [ indistinct ] >> curly queue in there. >> j.j. loves every single animal that came into this room today. >> there you go. a little honey. i think she has a new best friend -- you. yeah, you. >> he's the sweetest 15-year- old boy who loves collecting and organizing his hot wheels collection. he really does not like messes. and so even when we have, like, hay, he grab his broom. he wanted to sweep and help out. he's always known as the big helper. that's his nickname in the home he lives in. >> what you want to see for j.j.? >> a family that's going to love and care for him really, like, he's their very own. >> there you go. see her tongue? >> he is a special child and brings so much to the table and any family that is willing to work with him and really provide him that he deserve, that's what we want. >> big helper. i love that nickname. to learn more about adopting j.j. or the children we fearture on our "forever family" series, call the number on the bottom of the screen or go to 9family.com. >>> bundle up this morning. as expected, we have taken a huge chunk out of temperatures from yesterday morning. i'll let you know when it will get milder, coming up. >>> a man killed a bethune- cookman university student and injured two others and is expected to face a judge. the message the victim's mother had for her son's alleged killer. >>> but first, here are ideas for how to spend your day. for a complete list, go to icflorida.com. flonase allergy relief nasal spray. this changes everything. flonase is th

j.j. paid for dinner. >> i have such a connection to j.j. when he was 13 years old, he used to come to the lawsuit where i thought. i tout his mother. she was awesome and one of the best students i ever had. i used to see j.j. in the cafeteria, i knew this kid was special. >> how old was he? >> 13. >> was he as tall as you? [laughter] >> j.j. is a sweetheart that he >> what's up, stevie? >> stevie j. was at l.a.x. we asked him, are you married. he holds up his hands and a ring on his pinkie finger. there is a couple in washington, their wedding ring went missing. lo and behold their child ate it and it passed through. >> they had to dig through the crap to find the ring. >> what would you do? would you buy your wife another wedding ring and melt that one? >> jewelry cleaner and give it to her. >> for people who swallow things by accident. please. >> the colonic is 95 but the buffing is free. >> it would be great if the doctor judges it. her? >> is there anything left up there? >> we must have lost a diamond, seriously. >> we do know you had corn last night. >> peace out, brother. >> coming up -- >> caesar milan in new york. there is this adorable pitbull. >> what is his story? what is his life story? >> wh

j.j. what ball? hike the ball! keith, stop it. would you let me finish?! you're drunk! i said shut up! aah! thelma? thelma, i didn't mean it. j.j., i swear, man. hey, michael? i don't want to hear it. yeah, you better have a good excuse for this one, keith. otherwise, we're gonna put you in every shot glass across chicago. hey, hey, everybody! hey, i'm -- i'm sorry. hey, joe, man. aw, who you gonna tell, man -- me or your wife? thelma, would it help at least if i said i'm sorry? but running away won't solve anything. well, you sure got that right 'cause i live here. these things are yours. i should've known that. can't we at least talk about it, babe? talk? talk about what?! just who the hell do you think you are?! do i look like a punching bag to you? do you see the word "everlast" written across my face? no, babe. all right, then! is this yours? yeah. now i understand. no, you don't understand, babe. do you know what it's like to be one of the best running backs in the world and have your leg and your life snap out from under you and end up driving cabs part time? babe, you can't begin to understand. a bottle of fermented pot

j.j. did you get the plant food? yeah, it cost me $1.95. them plants are eating better than we do. why don't we just sprinkle a little grits on them? j.j., the plants don't like that kind of talk. now, i'm sure you've upset them, so i want you to go over there and tell them you are sorry. i'm hearing it, but i don't believe it. you want me to apologize to a plant? pardon me, plant. since i'm making a formal apology, don't you think i should be introduced formally first? okay. plants, i'd like you to meet my smart-alecky son, james jr. this is a philodendron. that's a boston fern. this is a freckled plant, and that's an african violet. hello, there, philadelphia. hello, there, boston fern. hello, there, speckled plant. and as for you, african violet, right on, brother! that's better. well, if you'll excuse me, i have to go to the bathroom now. see, that's what us human beings -- j.j.! and, goodbye, my african violet. [ chuckles ] hi, florida. are you ready for this? ta-da! what have you got there? two adorable goldfish to put the finishing touches to your house. oh, willona, they are beautiful! mr. and mrs. evans, i'd like you to meet ozzie and harriet. precious. ain't they? now, this one's ozzie, and that one's harriet. or is this one ozzie and that one harriet? i can't tell the difference. but they ain't got no problem 'cause they can. [ speaking baby talk ] willona, your bread ain't baked. here. oh, it really is nice. but, willona, you shouldn't have spent the money. what money? i got the bowl wholesale, and ozzie cost -- what? -- 35 cents, and harriet cost 50 cents. 'cause ozzie just swims around the bowl. harriet lays the eggs. hi, thelma. hey, willona. whoo, you really got everybody working, haven't you? got to get it together. well, i'm glad to see the house looking so good 'cause i got news for you. what? the judging committee is coming around this aftern