the jack benny program starring jack benny with rochester, dennis day, and yours truly now mr. benny, we've covered pretty thoroughly your career in radio and television. now tell me something about your career in pictures. - in pictures? - yes. (audience laughing) well, i'm glad you brought that up. i made a lot of good pictures, you know, i made the-- well, the first one was the hollywood review and then i made broadway melody. - oh, yes. i remember that one. - remember that one? i made buck benny rides again and artists and models. - oh, they were very good. - thank you. then i made, let's see, george washington slept here, charlie's aunt and another very, very good one called - oh, yes, they were very funny. - thank you. - but mr. benny, i noticed you didn't refer to the horn blows at midnight. (audience laughing) was that done on purpose or was that a subconscious desire to sublimate a traumatic experience? (audience laughing) - what was that? - boss, he means-- - i know what he means! ng me at all. now sit down here a minute. - all right. - i want to get something straigh

(audience clapping) (orc - [voiceover] from hollywood, the jack benny program. with jack's special guest, milton berle. se) - thank you, thank you, very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show. now, the reason i brought out these two violins is i want to clear up something once and for all. i receive so many letters from people but i think this will explain why i did. now, this is the ordinary, inexpensive violin that i use just on my television shows. and this is the $30,000 stradivarius that i use in my concerts. i'm going to show you why this is worth now first, listen to this cheap one. this is a cheap one. just listen to it. (scratchy tuneless playing) now, here is my stradivarius. (audience laughter) you see? there's no substitute for quality. would someone take these violins off, please? (audience applause) (audience laughter) keep awake. there'll be no sleeping while he's on. - milton! come back here. - what do you want? - look, milton, why would you come out here before you were supposed to? - you're getting so-- "why would you?" you would be

(all laughing) (vaudeville music) - [voiceover] from hollywood, the jack benny program. with jack's special guests the lettermen. - thank you. thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen. and welcome to the show. you know, it is so gratifying to come out to such a wonderful reception. (audience laughs) i remember once we did a show for a group of tourists from tibet. i came out; he put up the sign. they thought it was a fire and ran out of the building. (audience laughs) i remember this happened once when i had an american audience too. but anyway, these things don't bother me, the applause and that. because when you've been in show business-- (audience laughs and claps) you know that you... - oh, hello, mr. benny. - hello, hello. listen, i mean, what are you doing here? what'd you bring these things out here for? - oh, i need the scenery for the song i'm gonna sing. - the song, what song? - well, i'm gonna sing "the last time i saw paris." (audience laughs) - dennis, come here. - yes. - i want to ask you something. i know i shouldn't ask this, i know. what connection

(applause) -[voiceover] appearing on tonight's show - [voiceover] from hollywood, the jack benny program, with jack's guest, jack jones. (upbeat music) - thank you, thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show. well, here i am again, standing in front of millions of viewers, completely relaxed, and not a worry in the world. to my years of experience. others will say it's the temperament of a true artist. (audience laughter) personally, i feel that it's nauseating confidence. (audience laughter and applause) now, my psychology and starting with a remark like that, you see, is to get you people to dislike me immediately. a nice, harmless, elderly man, this gives you a guilt complex. (audience laughter) now this complex leads to sympathy. sympathy leads to laughter. laughter leads to applause, and then when the applause is over you go home and i go to the bank. (audience laughter) that's when i laugh. (audience laughter) but, the reason i never worry about my shows is because when i told my father years ago that i was going to go into show business, he gave me so

(theme song music) - [voiceover] the jack benny program! (applause) - thank you, thank you very much ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the show. the first thing they say is, "a funny thing "happened to me on the way to the studio." well, it seems that nothing funny ever happens to me on the way to the studio. on the way home, yes. (audience laughs) and then there's nobody to tell it to, except rochester. (audience laughs) so, with 30 million viewers, i'm nothing. but with my butler, i'm a sensation. oh, well. ladies and gentlemen, a few days ago, during a meeting in my office, we got to talking about the days of radio, how different it was from television. you see, in radio, we rely heavily on imagination. with just a few words, we could create a whole... a whole picture. you know, a picture in your mind. for example, i'd like to play for you, a recording of an actual scene that i heard don, would you bring out that phonograph, please? (applause) - there you are, jack. - thank you. now, this is a recording of a radio program i heard just

- [voiceover] from hollywood, the jack benny program with his special guests, the smothers brothers. ? (lyrics) can it be the trees that fill ? the breeze with rare and magic perfume ? (off-key) oh no, it isn't the breeze... ? (audience laughs) - oh no, no, no, that's not right. - i said it wasn't the trees... - i know you said it wasn't the trees, but then you said, "oh no, it isn't the breeze"... - you said it wasn't the breeze. - well, in the first, it wasn't the breeze, it was the trees. - (loudly) oh yeah, well... (audience laughs) if, if it, if it's the trees, it can't, sn't the breeze", so that, so how, i'm awful right... (audience laughs) - you, uh, you are right, but just forget, just forget everything i've told you. just say, "can it be the trees that fill the breeze"... - (singing) ? can it be the... ? - trees. - (singing) ? can it be the trees that fill ? the breeze... please... ? - no, i never... (audience laughs) how can it be the trees that fill the breeze with-- - okay, fellas, okay, okay. (laughter and applause) (audience laughs) - i thought i had a good idea and it

(applause and cheering) - [voiceover] from hollywood, the jack benny program with his special guest, bob hope. (upbeat music) (applause) - [secretary] mr. benny, are you busy? - no, no. - well, would you mind if i speak to you about something personal? - something personal, what is it? - well, i think the time has come for you to think about getting another secretary. - oh, gee, i'd hate to have you quit. - oh, i don't mind doing that. it's just that i'm sick and tired of knitting socks for you. (audience laughter) knit them yourself. - i don't know, i used to, but people kept staring at me on the bus. (audience laughter) anyway, we'll talk about this later. now, look it, i have gone through all of my investments here so, will up please make a list? - all right. 10 shares of townsend pipe organ company - yes, that's a company that makes pipe organs for theaters. - well, i imagine you'll want to get rid of that. - now, i don't know, i just had a letter from them. they said if silent pictures ever come back what's next? - the ideal harpoon company. - oh, excuse me, just one minute. (ty

(applause) ("the jack benny program" theme song) dennis. dennis. hello, margaret. hello, mrs. mitchell. is dennis home? well, he must be over at tommy's. they were out here playing a minute ago. all those mouths to feed. how are they? they're all teething. oh. well, bye, mrs. mitchell. goodbye, margaret. [music] there she goes, tommy. yeah, dumb old margaret. she can't help it if she's a girl. can i use your bathroom? sure. come on. hey, mom. i'm home. so i hear. hello, tommy. he's polite, mom. he's just in a hurry. okay. do you know who was just here? sure. it was margaret. but i was hiding in the bushes. mrs. mitchell: why were you doing that? 'cause girls are no fun. 'em because they're a girl. first thing you know, you end up playing house. true, true. no tv for you tonight. [phone ringing] i'll get it. i'm not complaining. i became interested in playing house when you stopped-- dennis: hello. --making mud pies and began making apple pies. guess what we've got out there on the phone, a long-distance call for you. long distance? hello. daddy. grandpa? how are you? where are