chrissy isn't home. jack, what are we going to do? i'll tell you what we're going to do. you'll go to bed, i'll go to bed and when chrissy comes home, she'll go to bed. then we'll all be in bed together. separately together. no, no, no. i'm too worried to sleep. i'll just wait up. okay, good night. by the way what time is it? ten after 3:00. mm-hmm. ten after 3:00? ten after 3:00?! chrissy's usually home by midnight when she has to go to work. why didn't you tell me it was ten after 3:00? okay, calm down, janet. you okay? listen, jack... listen, i'm really worried. now where can she be? there's got to be a simple explanation. like what? okay, like, chrissy goes with her girlfriends to this club, all right? there's a band. she meets some guy. she starts dancing. then chrissy forgets the time and suddenly she says, "look at how late it is." he's drunk, he hits a bus and they're all killed. where did you get "he's drunk and he hits a bus"? same place you got the band and the dancing. okay, there wasn't any dancing. there-there weren't any guys and they were drinking root beer

see, i didn't even know it was chrissy's birthday. oh, please, jack. you don't owe me an explanation... i have to explain about chrissy's jacket. there is nothing to... it's very simple. you didn't know that it was chrissy's birthday. you just happened to go into the most expensive store in town the most expensive jacket they had and then you just happened to give it to chrissy with a big ribbon on it all on the same day you asked me for money for your lunch. what's there to explain? right. i knew you'd understand. yeah. generous people do very generous things. i wasn't being generous. you were expecting something in return? you bet i am. well, that is the lowest, rottenest most underhanded... janet... i am not finished yet. it is the stingiest, the dirt... janet, i did not buy that jacket for chrissy. i bought it for roper. you bought it for roper? i bought it for roper to give to mrs. roper. you bought that jacket... what? excuse me. you... you bought that jacket for mr. roper to give to mrs. roper on chrissy's birthday? you don't understand, do you?

jack: chrissy, chrissy... look on the bright side. what bright side? the guy's got great taste. he picked you over all the regulars. ( cries ) chrissy. chrissy. very funny, jack. you're a very funny guy. i was just trying... it is a super thrill living with you because we know we can count on you. when the going gets rough, you come up with dumb jokes. ( knocking ) stanley: coming. ( knocking continues ) hold your horses. first, it's pacers. now, it's knockers. you're getting a nice variety, stanley. ( knocking ) who is it? a detective. show me your badge. do you know the difference between a real badge and a fake one? no. then you'd better let him in. come in, officer. good evening. good evening. oh. sorry to bother you at this late hour. i can explain about those parking tickets. parking tickets? i never saw them. they must have fallen off the car. otherwise, i would have paid for all five of them. i'm not here about parking tickets. what parking tickets? i'm from the vice squad. oh, boy, are you in the wrong apartment. i'm looking for a miss chrissy snow and i've traced her t

we both know what jack and chrissy are doing up there right now. oh, did chrissy tell you? of course not, but i have my ways. like the good book says "jack can fool some of the people all of the time but he don't fool me none of the time." and i don't like it. well, listen, neither does jack. what? no, no, he's not enjoying what he's doing. then why is he doing it? well, chrissy talked him into it. why? why not? i mean, he lives there and he can do the job. i don't understand you kids. you talk like she's ordering a big mac. boy, i wish it were that simple. i mean, you don't realize the problems jack has. it is a miracle he can get anything done. huh? yeah. with chrissy's date up there. huh? yeah, he has to do it hiding in the kitchen. the kitchen? wait a minute. wait. you mean there are three of them up there? where do you fit in to all of this? oh. nowhere, thank goodness. you're a good girl. thanks. but i'll tell you i would love to have stayed and watched. what? helen. helen! i'm coming! i'm coming! i'm coming. never mind the coffee. i let that kid move up there 'cause h

oh, now, listen, jack chrissy knows you come on strong with every girl you meet so, last night, when you didn't come on with her she just thought she wasn't worth the effort. oh... with chrissy, it wouldn't be an effort. well, tell her. chrissy, hey, i-i'm sorry you're upset. who says i'm upset? well, you always eat too much when you're upset. so, i'm fat and ugly. who cares? i do. look, chrissy... i'm sorry i didn't make a pass at you last night. oh, janet, how could you have told him that?! wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! now, sit down, chrissy. look, see, i thought that... chrissy, she told me because she loves you and i love you. i mean, i don't "love you" love you. i love you in a "like you" kind of way. when i say "i love you"... get on with it. chrissy, i thought we had a great time last night. maybe it could have been even better. maybe i would have tried to get it on with you but i'm seeing linda now on a regular basis and i can't help it. i guess i'm a one-woman kind of guy. one at a time. it is not important. it is important! if i wasn't dating linda i'd have been all over yo

chrissy, just what is it you're trying to tell me? they were never married. then you mean that jack is just living here with her? oh, no. he's not? no. he's living here with both of us. both of you?! it's absolutely innocent, daddy. innocent?! why, chrissy this is absolutely scandalous. this is immoral! it's sodom and gomorrah! that's what it is! oh, daddy, you make it sound like all we're doing is having fun. jack is here for practical reasons. practical reasons? well, i'll tell you what's practical. and come home with me. oh...! this is my home. this is not a home. this is a den of vipers. this is a playground for the devil. can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? can a man walk upon hot coals and his feet not be burned? can a man say something? no! and you stay away from my daughter! oh, daddy, jack is my friend! just like janet is my friend. to me, jack is no different from janet. i'm not? no, i'm not, i'm not. young man, please! reverend snow, it's bugging you. so i'm packing my things and leaving right now. where will you go? back to the y.m.c.a. you di

jack's really a nice... person. chrissy, do you dig him? he-he's okay. oh, no. no, i mean... if he wasn't living here, would you... would i what? you know. jack? yeah. i asked you first. would you? no. oh. not unless he asked me to. well, you know me, janet. i just hate to be rude. you're right, anyway. we don't own him. he's got his own life to lead. and let's just cut that cake and let's hope his leg heals very quickly. his leg? yeah, the one i'm going to break. ( sighs ) stanley, will you stop that pacing and come to bed? i'm not sleepy. that's the best time to come to bed. helen, i'm worried. it's almost midnight. my niece isn't back yet. that's what you wanted, isn't it? it's not that. my car's been overheating and i just don't want them to go too far. you don't have to worry, stanley. she's with jack remember? you know, you're right? how far can they go? right. now come to bed. wait a minute. wait a minute. i just had a thought. well, there's a first time for everything. helen, guys like jack... is it possible that they got some normalness left over in them that could co

don't listen to her, jack. chrissy, look, what you did... can't you let bygones...? it's okay. "it's okay." don't you hear him? it's o... it's okay? oh, gee, okay. oh, mmm... jack, thank you. honey, i got to apologize to you. don't apologize. [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation] three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audienc sh-doob, shooby-doo sh-doob, shooby-doo sh-doob, shooby-doo sh-doob, shooby-wa in the still of the night i held you held you tight o.k. cut! cut! cut! stop! stop! stop! stop! us? well, no. it's getting there. but you've got to give me more soul! we'll never win that contest if your shooby-doos lack conviction. i thought our shooby-doos were quite good. they were. they were. but unfortunately clancy's isn't handing out any $500 prizes for quite good. we have to be great! and we can be! come on, stand tall! have some pride! remember... you're kirkettes! what? kirkettes! what? since when do you get to pick the name? whose idea was this in the first place? yours, and i thought it might be fun, so i let you be lead singer, bu

meet my friends jack and chrissy. hi, jack. chrissy. hello, david. and what wonderful things have you planned for you and janet this evening? oh, it's a special recital of 14th-century music with natasha angranovich on the clavichord. she's going to play her collarbone? i see. ( clears throat ) 14th-century music? yes. oh, wow! maybe i should've stuck with the baby-sitting. pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, it's 7:30. hasn't the baby settled down yet? oh, no, not yet. he's still kicking like crazy. he's going to be a football player, this one. no, i meant jonathan. oh, him. oh, he's fine, yeah. oh... that was a field goal. look, are you sure you're going to be all right? oh, sure. dr. james says it's not going to happen for at least another two weeks. ( doorbell rings ) yeah, and seven months ago he said it was indigestion. oh, hi. hi, jerry. janet couldn't make it so we're going to baby-sit instead if that's okay. oh, fine. sure. that's awfully kind of you. come on in. uh, pumpkin, uh, you know chrissy. and this is, uh... jack. he's going to baby-sit with

let me see. ( imitating rattlesnake ) jack. chrissy, honey, where'd you put the rake? it's over there somewhere. oh, good, you found it. listen, while you're down there, jack would you get me the rake? here you go. thank you. you okay? peachy. great. here, take this. sure. come over here by chrissy. see those big weeds down there? i want you to dig all those up and make sure you get right down to the roots. all right. okay. chrissy? hmm? did i just stick this fork through your foot? no. oh. ( screaming ) here's the first batch. did you remember to put in the eye of newt and tongue of bat? can you spare them? boy, this is going to be great. like when you painted the bathtub last month? can't you forget about that? well, you could have told me before i got in it. you should have seen your face when you stuck to the bottom. it wasn't my face i was worried about. do you know it took me a whole week to get all of that paint off? i told you. i told you to use a brillo pad. come on, stanley, pour the beer. let's have a look at what's going to put budweiser out of business. sm

let me see. ( imitating rattlesnake ) jack. chrissy, honey, where'd you put the rake? it's over there somewhere. thank you. oh, good, you found it. listen, while you're down there, jack would you get me the rake? here you go. thank you. you okay? peachy. great. here, take this. sure. come over here by chrissy. see those big weeds down there? i want you to dig all those up and make sure you get right down to the roots. all right. okay. chrissy? hmm? did i just stick this fork through your foot? no. oh. here's the first batch. did you remember to put in the eye of newt and tongue of bat? can you spare them? boy, this is going to be great. great, yeah. like when you painted the bathtub last month? can't you forget about that? well, you could have told me before i got in it. you should have seen your face when you stuck to the bottom. it wasn't my face i was worried about. do you know it took me a whole week to get all of that paint off? i told you. i told you to use a brillo pad. come on, stanley, pour the beer. let's have a look at what's going to put budweiser out of bu

chrissy: i can't, jack, i've got a date. ( doorbell rings ) janet: chrissy, would you get that? i've got to find my glasses. i have to go back to the shop, jack. we're taking inventory. you're both going out? both: yeah. ( to himself ): what a shame. oh, hi, mrs. roper. ( whispering ): oh, chrissy i'm sorry to bother you. ( whispering ): no bother, come on in. ( laughter ) hi, mrs. roper. ( whispering ): oh, hi, janet. listen, i was just wondering if you had a thermometer i could borrow. ( whispering ): i think jack has one. he's in the kitchen. he's in the kitchen with his cold? no, with his chicken. ( laughter ) oh, chrissy, i think the thermometer's in the bath... why are we all whispering? ( loudly ): because jack is so sick. what? yeah, i thought sure he'd be in bed. stanley says it's walking pneumonia. why aren't you in bed? it's easier to cook in the kitchen. come on, jack, come on. you do not have to be a hero. yeah, mrs. roper told us all about your terrible cold. my cold? yes, and chrissy and i are going to give you an alcohol rub, right away. ( nasally ): oh, my cold.

jack: chrissy, janet, look i'm surprised at you. if people waited until they could afford things it would destroy the entire economy of this country. oh, he's right. oh, let's do it. ooh... okay. count me in. terrific! all for one and one for all! oh, jack, are you sure we can manage this? everything will work out fine, trust me. ah, nuts. i'm such an idiot. breakfast, anyone? what do you kids want with a 20-year-old clunker, anyway? you'll be lucky if you can run it in the street. oh, it's okay, mrs. roper. we just need some wheels. so does the car. helen, i'm trying to type the bill of sale. what's happened to "u"? nothing happened to me. i don't mean "y-o-u" you. i mean "u" "u". you still want to buy a used car from this man? the "u" on the typewriter. somebody stole it. oh. well, no use crying about it. it's probably in mexico with a new paint job by now. ( laughing ) stanley: very funny, helen, very funny. how do i type "automobile" without a "u"? c-a-r. the missing "u" is an omen, stanley. you shouldn't have gone back on your

jack good friends? yes, we are. how good? chrissy! we're very close. really? how close? ( yells ) i mean, uh that must have been very nice. yes, it is. funny, jack never mentioned you before. but then again he never talks about any of his affairs. ( laughter ) i mean, he never talks about any of his relations. ( laughter ) i mean... uh, susan, susan have you been seeing a lot of jack? not lately. uh, i've been doing a lot of flying. oh, yeah, i see, right. oh, sure, with him on the ground must have been hard for you two to connect. ( laughter ) i mean, hard to get it together. ( moans ) i mean... i think i'm doing it again. uh, susan, we expect jack back real soon. you see, this is his birthday. his birthday? we're planning a surprise. but nothing like yours. ( laughter ) i had no idea it was his birthday. may i use your bathroom to freshen up? oh... sure. ( laughter ) the, uh, the bathroom is right in there. oh. thank you. sure. that has to freshen up? boy, all the time we thought jack was out cooking ( laughter ) hi! what, did i say something funny? jack, there's a girl

oh, now, listen, jack chrissy knows you come on strong with every girl you meet so, last night, when you didn't come on with her she just thought she wasn't worth the effort. oh... with chrissy, it wouldn't be an effort. well, tell her. chrissy, hey, i-i'm sorry you're upset. who says i'm upset? well, you always eat too much when you're upset. so, i'm fat and ugly. who cares? i do. look, chrissy... i'm sorry i didn't make a pass at you last night. oh, janet, how could you wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! chrissy, i want to talk to you. now, sit down, chrissy. look, see, i thought that... chrissy, she told me because she loves you and i love you. i mean, i don't "love you" love you. i love you in a "like you" kind of way. when i say "i love you"... get on with it. chrissy, i thought we had a great time last night. maybe it could have been even better. maybe i would have tried to get it on with you but i'm seeing linda now on a regular basis and i can't help it. i guess i'm a one-woman kind of guy. one at a time. it is not important. it is important! if i wasn't dating linda i'd have been

be nice, chrissy. oh, jack, do me a favor, please. come with me and call janet and just see how she is, okay? oh, chrissy, i can't do that. she'll think i'm spying on her. so, disguise your voice. oh, come on. oh, jack, oh, jack, please? for me? ( groans ) okay, come on. come, come! how should i disguise my voice? make an accent. "make an accent"? how do i...? ( hillbilly accent ): howdy! h-howdy, miss wood. is this miss wood? hi. uh, i'm an old friend of peter van horn's. uh, you know, old pete's really a good ol' boy... uh, but he's also a lowdown, rotten sneakin' snake in the grass and, uh, i wouldn't allow him in my house without you got a mongoose handy. ( yokel laugh ) ( normal voice ): oh, hi, janet. huh? no, i-i don't have a cold. i was just, uh... you do? oh, well, thanks. yeah. what'd she say? she said i do a great gomer pyle imitation. i was doing jimmy carter. ( sputtering ) ( clearing throat ) tell me the truth, jan. janet. janet. haven't you been thinking about me all these years? well, in a sense, uh... i knew it. you kn

good-bye, jack. chrissy: how did linda take it? you should've seen what she did in his beer. jack tripper, phone call. hang on a second. which jack tripper do they want? uh, which jack tripper do you want, miss? ah. the airline pilot and fashionable dentist? that's me. yello. hello, jack? it's me, sandra. listen, uh... i heard about your, uh... are you sure? i'm positive. i got the dates mixed. i'm all right. you-you mean you're not going to...? beautiful. i've just got to thank you, jack. you do? yeah, well, you know that lovely ring you gave me? yeah, it is a lovely right, sandra. i know. i just sold it for $500. you sold it for 5..? oh, and another thing, jack. my dad, he's real mad at you and he said that he's coming over to your place to... i gave her my real ring. three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. man, just because it's the last night, people are walking off with everything. what happened to respect for property? ralph, what are you doing? packing up the chalk to turn it in. ooh! i could use that. they've talked about closing the center becaus

jack. surprise! chrissy, when jack comes in, why don't you just say "let's me and you go for a walk on the beach" then keep him there half an hour and come back. yeah, that might work, too. ( laughter ) aren't you going to put a border on this cake? oh, yeah. huh! ( laughter ) ( doorbell rings ) mmm, not bad! now put some on the cake. no! no! ( laughter ) oh, hi. who did you want? i was looking for a man. who isn't? ( laughter ) i thought jack tripper lived here. oh, yeah, he does. oh, well, in that case will you tell him susan walters is here? oh, well, um, i would but, see, he's not here right now. but we expect him back soon. oh, good. i'll wait. ( laughter ) are you the cleaning lady? ( laughter ) no. i live here. and, uh, this here is my roommate, chrissy snow. oh, hi. hello, i'm susan walters. oh, i'm janet wood. susan is a friend of jack's. let me get this straight. you're all roommates? yeah. we're just friends, that's all. we wouldn't want you to think there was anything more. why would i think that

jack, you can't hit a blind... lady, keep your big fat nose out of this. hit him! chrissy? he knocked the stuffing out of your teddy bear. hit him! jack: okay, you win. it's about time. let me know when it's coming, okay? okay. it's going to be a right cross jack! jack! oh, honey. no! you punched him again! yeah, serves him right for trying to hit a blind man. come on, jack. you pay your car insurance premium like clockwork. month after month. year after year. then one night, you hydroplane into a ditch. yeah... surprise... your insurance company tells you to pay up again. why pay for insurance if you have to pay even more for using it? if you have liberty mutual deductible fund , you could pay no deductible at all. sign up to immediately lower your deductible by $100. and keep lowering it $100 annually, until it's gone. then continue to earn that $100 every year. there's no limit to how much you can earn and this savings applies to every vehicle on your policy. call to learn more. switch to liberty mutual call liberty mutual for a free quote today at see car insurance in a

jack. and, uh... chrissy. chrissy. uh... jack and... chrissy. well, uh... uh... hello there. your wife tells us you're going to san francisco. i usually go along to take notes but this time he's got a temporary. a temporary what? well, uh... uh... you know, you look very familiar. oh, you know, i have that kind of a face. you know, it's a very, uh... ordinary face. you've probably seen hundreds like them. yes, it's very common. now, about the house, um... do you two know each other? no, no, no, no, no. you see, i thought we did, uh... but we don't. we'd better get going. i'm sorry. oh, well, that's all right. i'm sure that there'll be somebody else along soon. so am i. that's why i'm sorry. ( phone ringing ) i'll get it, dear. uh, look, uh, chrissy-- um, thanks a lot for not saying anything to my wife about us. don't mention it. it's not her fault she's married to a rat. uh, one more thing: [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation] three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. umm... a little bit higher. louise, this is the 40th poster i've

jack, tell your wise old grandfather to mind his own business. now janet is that...? chrissy, you'll listen to my wise old grandfather, won't you? oh, forget it, jack. now i know why my wise old grandfather always had such a flat nose. hey, look, this isn't my fight. ( gasps ) well, stanley... there's a lot of banging going on up there. what do you think they're doing? i don't know but i can't wait to find out. helen, helen, i don't like the sound of it. maybe you'd better not sleep up there after all. would you care to make me an offer i can't refuse? come on. oh, i couldn't sleep down here anyway, stanley. the smell of that paint makes me sick. why don't you stuff cotton up your nose? janet. what? what? hey! shh. it's all right. it's just time you and i got on the same wavelength. get off my bed. shh. trust me. i don't mean that. i just want to talk. well, about what? about us. get off my bed. i mean about all of us. you and chrissy in particular. i want my two best friends to act like two best friends. did chrissy send you in here? no. she's behaving as stupidly as you are

no, uh, chrissy, it's... uh... jack, don't you want to go in the kitchen and help janet make some coffee? what for? oh, right. yeah. got you. i'll leave you two to get it on. i'm sorry. i mean... to get on with it. oh, there i go again. i'll be in here if you need me. no one will disturb you-- go ahead. everybody in this building minds his own business. you see, i have this philosophy... oh... ( moaning ) stanley! i want to have a word with you, helen. why are you bringing your tools to bed? you've been going through my tool chest. there's some things missing in there. oh... you mean the dirty magazines. they're not dirty, they're art. yeah, they're full of busts. i only buy them for articles on male fashions and automobiles. what have you done with them? i tied them in a bundle you what? helen, one of these days you're going to make me come after you. god knows i try. ( sniffing ) what's that funny smell? that's my new perfume. it's called "now or never." well, it's half right, anyway. it's happening again. what? i hav

chrissy... oh, my god... oh, jack! jack! what is it? chrissy is walking in her sleep again. come on! chrissy... oh, boy, just as i was dozing off. why can't she sleepwalk in the daytime? janet: stop shouting. jack: i'm not shouting. ( loud clanging ) ( jack screams ) oh! shh! quietly! i almost broke my neck on this garbage can. i don't know how to do that quietly. yeah, that's it. in the door. that's right. no, no. no, no. ( groaning ) that's a girl. now back to bed. i don't know how she can make it down those steps asleep. i'm awake, and i fall down. that's a girl. she's getting back in bed. is she really still asleep? yeah! oh, boy, i hope she doesn't keep walking all night. yeah, well, maybe i'll... just leave my bedroom door open, just in case. maybe not. well, i'll just go put some iodine on this graze. good night. don't worry about me. it's just a flesh wound. i'll be fine. shh! ( whimpering continues ) shh-shh-shh! shh! ( whimpering continues ) ( loud whimpering ) quiet! shh! if roper catches you he'll sell you to the burger joint on the corner. what's the matter, little girl,

jack? lonely? just because one is alone? okay, chrissy, let's go. all alone with no one to talk to? nobody to share one's joys, one's woes? all right, that's everything. janet, i won't be lonely so get off the subject. bye-bye, jack. bye. bye, babe. janet... ah-ah! no more of that poor, lonely soul stuff. i want you to know that while you're gone i will talk to your plants. thank you. let's go, chrissy! all by myself! bye, jack! hey, but don't worry. i'll be all right, all alone... in my empty room. ( disco music playing on stereo ) jack, you sure know how to throw a party. oh, celise, it's so nice to see you having fun. in fact, it's nice to see you doing anything. where do you keep your glasses? hey, what are you doing? waiting on people at the regal beagle? this is a party. relax, and i will serve you for a change. ( doorbell rings ) but i have everything i need. oh, that's true, that's true. that's really true. hey, jack-- you know you're driving me crazy? sure... you are driving me crazy! knock it off! i don't want to come in. anything you say. ( banging ) change your mind? good

chrissy didn't tell me you were beautiful. i like him. ah, good evening. good evening. i'm jack tripper. lloyd cross. why, did mommy spank you? ah, won't you sit down? you must be tired after climbing that flight of stairs. not really. well, uh, chrissy tells me you're in technical college. studying dressmaking? cooking. oh, well, i knew it was something like that. do you remember bill haley and the comets, too? what? 1, 2, 3:00, 4:00 rock... ah! hi. lloyd, this is jack. lloyd, this is janet. jack, janet, this is good-bye. oh. sure. right. if you need anything, i'll be right outside the keyhole. come on, jack. oh, you look beautiful. oh, so do you. mmm. we keep this up much longer my broccoli will get soft. am i boring you? i'm sorry. i'm just worried about chrissy. come on, jack. she can take care of herself. she's not by herself. she's with that lloyd character. you wouldn't be jealous, would you? jealous? me? of course not. i just don't like his type-- you know, good-looking, charming, successful. wow. and you didn't like him? gee, i thought opposites attracted each other. as long as we have to sta

chrissy, this is my uncle fremont. well, how do you do. alas, not as well as jack. you have, uh, "friends" like this dropping in all the time? well, uh, actually, chrissy lives here, too. you see, the way we live... i know how you live. you've died and gone to heaven-- that's how you live. ( phone rings ) jack: actually, i met them and there was another roommate... jack, i can't hear! what? who? oh, sorry. uncle fremont, it's a woman-- mona carmichael. mona? how in the world...? tell her, tell her i have nothing to say to her. who's mona carmichael? oh, a woman in san diego trying to get her man. and you know what they say, jack: "stone walls do not a prison make but a lovely woman's money is very hard to shake." while i unpack. uncle fremont, i'm afraid you can't stay here. see, there's not much room. well, of course he can. what about the sofa? it's very uncomfortable. you'll get used to it. wonderful! where's your kitchen? right through there. terrific! now, while you kids are having fun i'll get dinner ready. ( sighing ) oh, jack, jack... oh, jack, i just love yo

no, uh, chrissy, it's... uh... jack, don't you want to go in the kitchen and help janet make some coffee? what for? oh, right. yeah. got you. i'm sorry. i mean... to get on with it. oh, there i go again. i'll be in here if you need me. don't worry. no one will disturb you-- go ahead. everybody in this building minds his own business. you see, i have this philosophy... oh... ( moaning ) stanley! i want to have a word with you, helen. why are you bringing your tools to bed? you've been going through my tool chest. there's some things missing in there. oh... you mean the dirty magazines. yeah, they're full of busts. i only buy them for articles on male fashions and automobiles. what have you done with them? i tied them in a bundle and gave them to the salvation army. you what? helen, one of these days you're going to make me come after you. god knows i try. ( sniffing ) what's that funny smell? that's my new perfume. it's called "now or never." well, it's half right, anyway. it's happening again. what? i have been reading

jack, you can't hit a blind... lady, keep your big fat nose out of this. hit him! chrissy? he knocked the stuffing out of your teddy bear. hit him! jack: okay, you win. it's about time. okay. it's going to be a right cross and it's coming right now. jack! jack! oh, honey. no! you punched him again! yeah, serves him right for trying to hit a blind man. you should have ignored him, jack. come on. we're leaving. so soon? i'm hungry. come on, helen. we'll break out the peanut butter. mr. roper, wait. about the rent... the rent? yeah. i'm not raising your rent. you're not? you're not? no. you're going to have enough trouble paying three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin

chrissy, don't you understand? jack is the one who got that girl together with mr. roper. oh, jack. did you? the man came in here feeling depressed. he was really down. he said he wasn't attractive to women so i just asked joan to be nice to him. well, that was very thoughtful of you. yeah, i thought you'd understand. now all you have to do is make mrs. roper understand. come on. i can't leave my post. i promised steve i'd stay here. i finally made it. i'm sorry i took so long. oh, hi, steve. hi, girls. hi. hi. jack, thanks for covering for me. you can take off now. i'll stay and wash the glasses while you mix drinks. oh, look, jack! what? get him, chrissy! hello, helen. hello, stanley. how are you? oh, fine. just fine. you are? you better wash your face, stanley. you got some ketchup on it. ketchup?! it's not ketchup. it's lipstick. lipstick! from kissing! all right! it's lipstick from kissing. you better wash it off. helen, i was down at the beagle with a girl-- a pretty girl and you saw me, and i know you saw me because the girls told me you saw me. all right, stanley. i saw you.

jack! good night, chrissy. good night, john-boy. mom, dad, this is stupid. how come you embarrass me? that's our job. we're your parents. can i take this off? you wanted a surprise for your birthday. you're getting one. surprise! surprise! cds! yes! well, what's a new cd player without cds? here. your mom and i got you a gift certificate. hey, thanks, you guys. i want to take pictures. that's the 30th picture you've taken. it's your birthday. now smile, damn it. oh, great. i'm out of film. hold on. come here. i know how expensive cds are, matthew, so here's an extra 10, but don't tell your mom. thanks, dad. i'm glad you two got together for my birthday. oh, that's very sweet, matthew. i'm raking it in. what? she did? it's her way of telling me she loves me. a person shouldn't put a price on love. here's an extra 20. while you're looking for cds, i'll buy something myself. uh, excuse me. you have a classical section? like the grateful dead? i'll just look around. he gave you an extra 20? he can't help it if he loves me. and i don't love you? here. go crazy. all right. yes! our boy's gr

chrissy. you have a very low melting point. you're right. but with jack, i'll be strong. no, no, no. it will not work. you can't help yourself, chrissy. so i'm afraid you know what the answer's got to be. yeah. you'll have to be strong enough for both of us. here's your din-din. i'm telling you, helen. it was a woman. i have a very sensitive finger. look, stanley, i know a man when i see one-- mainly from memory, of course. what does that mean? it's been a long time since you laid your finger on me. you've got enough mouth for three lips. i don't care what you say, stanley. it's a him. it's a her. ( both arguing ) me, move in here with you two? are you serious? yeah. of course, you'll have to share everything. gladly. the rent, the food, the phone bill. oh, those. yeah, sure. well, what do you say? i need time to think it over. i'll take it. but first, let's just get one little thing straight. that is your room, and this is our room. one false move and we take you right to the vet. ooh. ( doorbell rings ) you can move in as soon as you like. hi. but me and the wife are having a disagr

jack, i have got to talk to you. chrissy, can you maybe... see...? oh, am i interrupting something? i hope so. oh. sorry. we can talk about it later when we get home, okay? home? oh, oh, chrissy, this is veronica. veronica, this is chrissy-- my sister. oh, of course. i should have noticed the resemblance. look, if you two have something to discuss, can... oh, no, they can wait can't they, chrissy sister? oh, of course. yeah. i can wait all night. patience-- it's a family trait. listen, why don't you give me a phone call, okay? or if you agree to go out with me tomorrow you can save me a dime. tomorrow? oh, saturday. i've got a family get-together. ohh. ohh. but i'm free sunday. oh, great. i'll call you tomorrow. i'll be waiting. bye. bye. mm-mm-mm. she's very pretty. thank you. why? you had nothing to do with it. what's on your little tiny mind, chrissy? well, janet just kicked me out of the house and i don't think she has any right to do that. you did it to us last night. well, two wrongs don't make a right. let's go home. oh, janet won't like that. i don't care. this has been happ

chrissy. you have a very low melting point. you're right. but with jack, i'll be strong. no, no, no. it will not work. you can't help yourself, chrissy. so i'm afraid you know what the answer's got to be. yeah. you'll have to be strong enough for both of us. here's your din-din. i'm telling you, helen. it was a woman. i have a very sensitive finger. look, stanley, i know a man when i see one-- mainly from memory, of course. what does that mean? it's been a long time since you laid your finger on me. you know something, helen. you've got enough mouth for three lips. it's a him. it's a her. ( both arguing ) me, move in here with you two? are you serious? yeah. of course, you'll have to share everything. gladly. the rent, the food, the phone bill. oh, those. yeah, sure. well, what do you say? i need time to think it over. i'll take it. but first, let's just get one little thing straight. that is your room, and this is our room. one false move and we take you right to the vet. ooh. ( doorbell rings ) you can move in as soon as you like. hi. sorry to barge in again but me and the wife are

chrissy: i think you'd better dance with her, mr. roper. but you'd better let her lead. jack: don't hold back. all right. ( cheering ) shake those booties! be happy! bravo! not bad, huh? what did you want to tell us, mr. roper? oh, they raided the nude beach today. they did? what? that's not the worst part. helen and janet were there. they saw it? they were it. they're probably in jail now. come on, we got to go get them out. hey, wait for me. here, thank you very much. i appreciate it. let's keep in touch. boy, that police station sure was crowded with nudists. i know. every time they sat down it sounded like a round of applause. to cover themselves. yeah, but did you notice the great-looking girls got all the moth-eaten blankets. you would. but why weren't helen and janet there? maybe they didn't go to the beach after all. well, then where are they? psst. what was that? what was what? that "psst"? psst! fantastic. how did you do that? stanley, over here! helen, how did you get over... don't come any closer! i'm not decent. i know that. i'm your husband. what am i going to s

chrissy left before i did. did you forget to lock the door? uh-uh. burglars? jack! there've been a lot of break-ins you're right! the couple next door were ripped off. you mean horace and mike? burglars don't care about your sex life. pictures, plants, lamp... well, nothing seems to be missing. jack! nothing seems to be missing, janet so you have nothing to worry about. unless the burglars are still here. you had to find something to worry about. maybe they're hiding. you want to look in the bedroom? why disturb them? if you're chicken, i'll go. no, stay where you are. after all, who's the man around here? my luck. right! ( gasps ) charlie, bill, you stay outside. careful with those shotguns. yes, sir! fred, listen carefully. take the muzzle off of the doberman. that's it. ( growling ) i'll go in first. if they have any sense, they'll run for it. ( barking ) there's nobody in there. oh! what about your room? hmm? your room? oh, my god. what a mess. oh, somebody broke in! no, that's just the way i left it. there's just one more place. the bathroom. bathroom? yeah. no

jack?! oh, that's okay. i had to go to the bathroom anyway. what is going on?! chrissy, i want you to think very carefully. what about? this morning... yeah? before you left for work... yeah. did you touch the rent money? yeah. when i took the radio. you took the radio? yeah. i took it to be repaired. we were just about to call the police. really! what did you do with the rent money? oh, i just left it over there on that... empty shelf. both: call the police. my hair's really getting thin back here. you know, it's funny. when you get to be my age, that's the first thing to go. not in your case, stanley. look. look, aren't those pretty? gorgeous. are you peeping at that blond again? what blond? the blond you're always peeping at. i don't know what you're saying. the one in 105. 107. i got news for you, stanley. we had a peeping tom the other night. you're making that up. no, i'm not. i saw him plain as anything. he was looking in our bedroom window and yawning. you must have been getting undressed. where'd you get those? oh, chrissy gave them to me. aren't they beautiful? yeah, almost as good as mine. they