phone call from jacques cousteau? is something the matter? no. we're done eating. i'd like to be alone with you. you done?i ain't! i'd like toorder column "b" and make itvery well-done. florence, i think we've got to talk. talk? talk? i'd love to,but look who's here! uncle ling chow! hi, uncle ling.how are you? [speaking chinese] you won'tbe in the way. joe, meet uncleling chow johnston. and uncle ling... this is joe blake. [speaking chinese] he's your uncle? he's one ofthe eastern johnstons. [speaking chinese] aunt fernetta?oh, she's fine. did you see an uglywoman with a killer? no. we ended that promotion-- "bring in ugly woman, killer eat free." are you a wise guy? no, old chinese proverb-- "wise maitre d' never insults a paying customer." here to eat? no! then scram. your head's blinding my customers. just for that, i'll never eat here! first we lose a little league world series, and now this? florence. look what he did! george,that's the wayshe always looks. oh, my god! [speaking chinese] nice seeing you, too, uncle ling. tell cousin wong i said hello. i'm gla

it's, uh, one -- jacques cousteau gets hit on the head with a philippine's ballot box. under the ocean. [ booing ] [ cheering ] >> i didn't have anything to do with the election, folks. [ laughter ] >> marcos, even though he was elected president, seems to be in a t-- bit of trouble, because a lot of top european diplomats said they are not, uh, going to attend the inaugural ceremonies. marcos is worried about nobody showing up. so he's tryna get his guest list in volumes, sending out invitations. he has to borrow ed's list, which says, "you may already be a guest." [ laughter ] >> nice deal. president reagan, i guess, is back from the island of grenada, in the caribbean. that's pretty. you said you were there, the other night. >> yeah. >> and, uh, it's a funny thing. when you're in the caribbean, you kinda get caught up in the feeling of the islands. he's having a little, uh, trouble adjusting. uh, his secretary came in and said to the president, this morning, uh, how long would he be working? and the president said, "well, all day, [ laughter ] [ booing ] >> wow. >> y

it mannequins say we breakin' the mold breakin' out, and we breakin' the codes similar to the jacques cousteau to the depths, and you're wet, so your tank explodes send your body to flight tonight jumpin' out of they mind goin' out of they skins [ indistinct conversations ] woman: yeah, i tried to leave,

underwater world of jacques cousteau. marlon perkins tranquilizes a starlet, and tracks her to the paradise motel. depraved kingdom, the mating habits of a passing tom cat and howard cosell's toupee. [ laughter ] >> the winner is jane goodall, baboon's make lousy lovers. i think we have, oh...for the most. why am i reaching for them? for the most slanted news reporting on 6 o'clock news at 7, and the 7 o'clock news at cronkite, barbara walters, john chancellor, tom brokaw, tom snyder and daniel shore. the winner is barbara walters, for the best set. for the uh, let's see what do i have here? for the...oh yes. for the best, let's go with the last one. >> yes. >> running a little long here and we want to get all the nominees on. for the most imaginative program, featuring children's fantasy, the nominees are star trek, lost in space and sesame street. >> and the winner... >> the winner is president ford's address to the nation. [ laughter ] that's a little known award. [ cheers ] [ music ] we'll be back and meet bob specket

well, he predicts that sea explorer jacques cousteau will discover the legendary lost city of atlantis. i hope he does, because he's running out of creatures to talk to. [ laughter ] i mean, he's getting-- he's getting down to clams now. you think? well, it used to be porpoises, and whales, and octopus, but it's not glamorous anymore. "and you see the little clam is moving along, and he is going to his home." [ laughter ] henry kissinger will be forced to resign over secret deals and later will fall in love with a hollywood starlet. that's a prediction. psychiatrists will find a new drug that vastly improves memory, a mushroom extract from a rare south american fungus. the band has been using that rare fungus for years. here's an interesting-- here's an interesting one. sunny bono will open a chain of sunny's pizza parlors and make a fortune. good for sunny. lucille ball will become a us ambassador to an asian nation. oh, that's weird. former vice president spiro agnew will star in the movie version of his recently published novel. can't wait for that. [ laughter ] i read all of those