jay leno is 62. but what a lot of people don't realize, leno is beating jimmy kimmel on nbc and kimmel on cbs in that coveted 18 to 49 age group. >> well, i don't know about the rest of the panel, but i need a little nap after the show's m metaph metaphors. there were so many within the same sentence. a lot of heavy lifting. he should think about -- but i have to say that i am really in awe of the spirit in which leno has been handling this. he has always been a master at working the room. instead of going to the press, he just directly plays it to the audience and he's playing nbc at a this point. i was at a press conference more than ten years ago and closer to 15 in l.a. when it was up in the air whether nbc was going to renew leno's contract. he came to the press conference in a motorcycle. he drove into the room in a motorcycle and proceeded to do ten minutes of stand up about how screwed up nbc was. he said, you know, nbc that stands for no binding contract. >> by the way for it, nbc executive s

now you have jay leno, and look, nobody feels sorry for jay leno. he's loaded. it is time for him to wrap it up. >> you know what, jay leno, for some reason or other, listen, people, especially comedians, late night talk show hosts, they don't have a lot of nice things to say about jay leno. >> nobody likes him. >> it is because jay leno coming up was the coolest. when he was on carson, he would go on letterman's show, jay leno was awesome. he slowly sanded down every edge he had to become this milquetoast -- i mean, i wouldn't mind -- you would hear, like, those headlines, jay leno is attacking nbc in his monologue, you think that's exciting. you hear the jokes. god, i wish they were good jokes. it is terrible. and so the reason why the tonight show is irrelevant, it is because of jay leno. saturday night live is still relevant years and years and years later. and -- >> is it because of the format. listen, the "today" show was the most popular show, now it is not doing so well. is it the format of "the tonight show"? >> i don't think it has anything to do with

i'm a big fan of jay leno. chance to meet him when we did the book tour after the presidency, mrs. bush and president bush went there. it was the most fun, he is -- i think the reason jay leno has done so well over so many years, decades, is that the whole family can enjoy it. >> kimberly: sure. >> dana: not to say they won't enjoy jimmy fallon. i like craig ferguson. he is funny. good clean fun. >> kimberly: greg, what do you got for me? >> greg: i did research in to the feud with jay leno and producers and look up may 12, he made an obama joke and then he made another one, another obama joke on september 6. that is two obama jokes. clearly he pushed it too far. networks will send him to reeducation camp for required therapy. you know what is funny? talking about a tv schedule, like appointment schedule, it's like talking about a dead relative. it seems as relevant as the bicycles with the giant and the little wheels. nobody watches tv at the time it's on anymore. you watch "justify" two days later. i watch "h

so, jay leno, he's been the middle of this late-night dispute before. he piece you remind us of that. so might it be that the end is near for leno on late-night? >> you know, interestingly, fredricka, i think one of the worst kept secrets in hollywood is that jimmy fallon will replace jay leno at some point. the question has always just been when. and it looks like it could now come sooner rather than later. here's the issue that the executives at nbc have. jay leno's still number one. we heard that in the piece as well. it was dicey when you had the situation with conan. and more than likely if he continues to be number one, it will be dicey with the situation with jimmy fallon too. >> okay. so what about the report of moving back to new york? anything more to that? >> well, you know, i think that's the interesting thing here. will the "tonight show" actually move back to new york? i think that should have been the big headline rather than will one replace the other. it could happen. it definitely could happen. and there is a sense now and a bigger ques

jay leno is a nice man. he has been loyal to nbc for 20 years. s every weekend -- either doing a charity thing or benefit. jay and i do a thing every year for 20 years. the woman, barbara davis, built a hospital. jay leno put something back into the community and deserves to be treater bert. they moved him. they cancelled him. put him on lay night, early evening, tried everything they could, and -- except beating him to death with a stick and he keeps coming back. he is a lovely man. >> neil: what do you think will happen? >> i thinkry'll change they're mind. jimmy fallon is a very talented young man. he is really just -- it's a pretty fast track when you're opposite jay, and letterman, and now they're going to move the show to new york, which i'm not too sure is a good idea because of the availability of guests, and jimmy is a nice man and may one day make it, about he just doesn't have jay's appeal. jay's magic. nell. >> neil: george, let's say cooler heads prevail and realize, this is stupid, let not screw around with the franchise. you can onl

wants to die in that desk it seems like. >> bill: >> you said they are going to have to replace jay lenot him retire in the chair? >> i think jay leno would agree with you and his jokes he has been making really is a testament of that. it is really a tough thing, because he gets number 1 in the demographic and he has been doing that consistently since he has been on the air since about 1995. >> bill: yeah, and not just overall ratings but in the demographic he has been getting number 1. >> exactly which i think surprises people. 18 to 49 he wins that. he beats jimmy kimmel. he beats david letterman. >> what is the big argument to getting rid of jay leno. i can make the argument that i don't think he is very funny. but i can be proven that he is good for business because of the numbers. so what is their big argument. >> the big argument is basically that his contract -- his contract ends in 2014. it ends in september of 2014. they see this jimmy kimmel character. he has only been doing 11:30 for the last little while and he has really been performing. and i think they are saying jimmy fan

and now, jay leno! by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show." thank you. thank you very much. well folks, in just 25 minutes, we celebrate valentine's day. how about that? [ cheers ] or as manti te'o calls it, april fool's day. [ light laughter ] as you know, valentine's day is named after st. valentine. do you know who he was? he was the patron saint of sexual extortion. [ laughter ] and did you know this? listen to this. we live in a free country, but valentine's day is banned in iran. they banned valentine's day. so, you can tell guys are running that country. yeah. [ laughter ] that's right. get out of here. a lot of romance surveys in the paper today. according to this latest one, 65% of both men and women said they would be disappointed if they did not have sex on valentine's day. and 100% of the women said they're most likely to be disappointed either way. yeah. so, same thing. so, yeah. either w

apparently nbc plans to replace jay leno with jimmy fallon next year. the media is hammering leno even though he continues to win the late night ratings race. also today show star matt matt lauer continues to be criticized for that program's slipping ratings and the ann curry firing. joining us now is bernard goldberg.com. let's take mr. lauer first. do you think this is a fair situation? >> here is what i think. there are a certain number of people out there, actually a lot of people who like gossip. who like to know what's going on behind the scenes and who wonder if matt lower was the reason that an curry got pushed out and broke up the family and by the way if anybody out there thinks the nbc today show people are part of a family, you are really, really naive it's legitimate news to the for me but i don't care. the much bigger issue, bill is that there are more and more i will put the word in quotation marks journalists out there who like to bring people in the media achieve success and make money. so, given the internet, and this is where a lot of

later jay leno out at nbc. whether jimmie fallon is better than leno. thososososos charged with 8 counts of murder. seven babies pregnant woman. lawyer jack mcmahon says persecuted and prosecuted because is he black. joining us now from washington who are his cooper from the group projected 21, a conservative leadership network. i knew this was going to happen. you probably knew it was going to happen. this doctor if guilty stawnt to tell people what he allegedly did. >> this individual is accused of taking babies. six, seven, and eight morchts into term. having them born alive. and then taking sharp instruments and cutting their spines and their throats and then setting them aside. and, by the way, hiring teenagers to act as the anesthesiologist and other nurse assistants as well as keeping when the raid came some $250,000 worth of cash lying around. if this isn't preying on innocent people who are poor and uneducated i don't know what it looks like. >> found dismembered parts of the babies' bodies in vir use parts of this man's office. the evidence se

take the reported decision to kick jay leno to the curb and make jimmy fallon the new host of the tonighthow. it is not because leno is taking a beating in the ratings. his show is actually number one. nbc executives seem to be focused on the long game and want to bring the younger, tweeting, youtube loving crowd to the table and the millions of dollars that come with them. you can thank abc and jimmy kimmel for that. kimmel's show just made the switch to the 11:30 time slot competing directly with leno and david letterman's late snow and while the tv host and comedian does his best to rise above the late night drama don't think for a second kimmel isn't ready for battle. >> kimmel, letterman, leno. fallon. late night ratings roulette is upon us with more than 10 million viewers at stake and tens of millions of dollars in network advertising on the line. >> things once thought to be extinct could be now brought back from the dead. there is hope for nbc. it could turn around. >> as the peacock network apparently makes moves to replace jay leno with jimmy fallon, abc's jimmy kimmel fresh fr

"everyone is weighing in on nbc's late-night reporting of shuffling jay leno out and jimmy kimmel in.e it began in 1954. >> we sat down with the man most likely to celebrate leno's ousting. and jimmy kimle has the views from late night. >> hey, christine and zoraida. if there's a place for job success and job security, they don't go hand-in-hand in late night television. the decision to kick jay leno to the curb and make jimmy kimmel the new host in 2013. he just made the switch to the 11:30 spot competing with jay leno. while he's prized to rise above the day ma, don't think for a second he's not crying for battle. late-night ratings roulette is upon us with more than 10 million viewers at stake and tens of millions of dollars in network advertising on the line. >> things that were once aught to extinct can come back from the dead. there's hope for nbc. it could turn around. >> reporter: as the peacock network makes moves to replace jay leno with jimmy fallon, abc's jimmy kimmel fresh from his move to 11:35 on abc remains unphased. >> obviously, nbc is looking to move on because they

later jay leno out at nbc. whether jimmie fallon is better than leno.hososososos [ male announcer ] marie callender's finally found a way to get her oven baked taste straight from the microwave. like her oven roasted chicken baked in a rich, creamy alfredo sauce. she calls them her new comfort bakes. marie callender's. it's time to savor. is i can follow all my sports... catch the latest breaking news... keep in touch with friends... follow the financial headlines... find a great restaurant... and with siriusxm i canet weather forecasts... all from here. in my mercedes-benz. [ male announcer ] introducing mbrace2. the most comprehensive cloud-bas telematics system on the road. it's your world, from your car. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. it'si had[ designer ]eelingcar. enough of just covering up my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. i decided enough is enough. ♪ [ spa lady ] i started enbrel. it's clinically proven to provide clearer skin. [ rv guy ] enbrel may not work for everyone -- and may not clear you completely, but for many, it gets skin

and now, jay leno! cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." folks, folks -- oh, my god, listen to this, listen to this, monday night, the prime time shows "the voice" and "the revolution," moved -- "revolution" rather, moved nbc into the number two position. you know what that means? number two. between easter and passover, this is truly the season of miracles, we're number two. we're number two. amazing. and let me tell you something, that -- and i've been saying that for the last week that nbc is the big number two. haven't i been saying that? yeah, so -- congratulations, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] well, you know something, they added a tiny new element to "the voice" this year. i think it makes it more competitive. well here, take a look. >> tonight, we kick off the blind auditions, the celebrity coaches face the audience and are only a

and now, jay leno! heers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you. nice to have you all here. how many of you -- how many of you are on spring break? [ cheers and applause ] just remember, be careful, 'cause getting drunk and having sex on spring break is how your parents had you, okay? just remember that. hey, there's now a campaign in florida to legalize marijuana. [ cheers ] well, you thought a lot of cubans were coming to florida. now the jamaicans will start showing up. oh, my god. hello, mon, we are here. well, california now apparently on the verge of allowing marijuana vending machines. [ cheers ] yeah, be able to buy marijuana from a vending machine. boy, you thought you got frustrated when your snicker's bar got stuck. hey! hey! how hard are you going to be pounding on that glass? come on! [ applause ] hey, listen to this i got to tell you something

jay leno. >> my mother told me to stop. and on and on. my favorite host of all time is david letterman, who i would choose to watch if i was choosing to watch somebody. i would choose -- i know i would over watching myself. >> and while kimmel says all three shows can be successful, he's not taking it easy on his competitors. kimmel's show expanded, launching it's own music channel on youtube. >> let's talk about the late-night shake up with howard kurtz. and lawyorne ashburn. the late-night drama continues. >> nb bnch krnchnbc, you know, don't like jay leno, so everybody saying get him off the stage. bring in jimmy fallon, but the fact is, he's still number one and brings in viewers. >> he was funny once a couple of years ago. >> a couple of decades ago? >> the people have spoken yes in the ratens, but there is this feeling among younger folks that he is not that funny and twitter proved it. remember that time when jay leno was funny? oh, wait. that never happened. carry on. weren't angry tweets on twitter, but this feelin

"the new york times" says jimmy fallon will replace jay leno when his contract expires.y a done deal. and the show will move to new york city. billy carter joins me ahead. ou d something for your pain. cymbalta can help. cymbalta is a pain reliever fda-approved to manage chronic musculoskeletal pain. one non-narcotic pill a day, every day, can help reduce this pain. tell your doctor right away if your mood worsens, you have unusual changes in mood or behavior or thoughts of suicide. anti-depressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. cymbalta is not for children under 18. people taking maois, linezolid or thioridazine or with uncontrolled glaucoma should not take cymbalta. taking it with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners may increase bleeding risk. severe liver problems, some fatal, were reported. signs include abdominal pain and yellowing skin or eyes. tell your doctor about all your medicines, including those for migraine and while on cymbalta, call right away if you have high fever, confusion and stiff muscles or serious allergic s

there are reports jay leno is out and jimmy fallon will be taking over "the tonight show."obster tacos. come in now and sea food differently. visit redlobster.com now for an exclusive $10 coupon on two lobsterfest entrees. >>> crime and punishment tonight. the fbi says it believes it knows who is behind the biggest art heist in history in the united states. but still no sign of the missing masterpieces. it happened 23 years ago this week. thieves dressed as security officers duped security guards at isabella stewart gardiner museum including works by rembrandt and monet. in all, worth half a billion dollars. for the first time, one of the former security guards is sharing his story on camera with our randi kaye. >> reporter: it is a beautiful and priceless collection. hundreds of millions of dollars worth of art housed inside these walls. the isabella stewart gardner museum in boston. visitors from all over the world come to see these masterpieces. but that's not all they're looking at. they are also looking at a crime scene. in fact, a crime scene from the biggest art heis

just because then he gets a running start into the season. >> jay leno is doing well in the ratings.s won. he's remarkably resilient in terms of winning. >> winning not just in house holds, with older viewers but younger viewers. >> he has won the younger viewers consistently and they concluded when abc moved jimmy kimmel in there it would be a problem for jay, because jimmy is hot. you can't -- let's say assume that kimmel will pick up young viewers. if you let that happen over a period of two or three years, you've got a guy established. until you get your competitor in there, you don't want to do that. but jay is strong, especially strong in the middle of the country. and i think people have always und underestimated that. if you think about it, in st. louis, chicago, that's 10:30 at night, not 11:30 at night so more viewers up and available. so if you do well in the middle of the country, and johnny carson always said this, that's the key, do well in the middle of the country. and jay has honed that really well. >> so what is behind this? is it fear of losing jimmy fallon? is it

and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show." thank you. thank you. quick survey. quick survey. how many here are christians observing lent? [ cheering ] how many here are heathens observing spring break? [ cheers and applause ] hey, speaking of heathens, as you may have heard, lindsay lohan has once again avoided jail time and will instead go to rehab. >> rickey: oh, come on. >> jay: of course, the only trouble now, trying to find a a rehab facility she hasn't tunneled out of yet. [ laughter ] no, this time, she's not going back to promises rehab in malibu. not going back to promises. she's going to a new facility called vague assurances. [ laughter ] i'm not sure what that one is. kind of a new -- not quite as -- you know, at one point in the sentencing yesterday, lindsay lohan turned to her lawyer and said, "shut the hell up" in the courtroom.

and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you. thank you. and welcome to another edition of "politicians behaving badly." i love these stories. >> rickey: oh, here it comes. >> jay: the former senator pete domenici, of new mexico revealed today that while in office he fathered a child with the daughter of another senator who was a friend of his. >> rickey: oh! >> jay: now, are you following me on this? now, he cheated on his wife with a daughter of another senator, and they had a baby. when did the senate become "the jerry springer show"? [ laughter ] when did that happen? [ applause ] and i love that -- i love this part. domenici is defending himself by saying that he is no better or worse than the next guy. and he's right, 'cause you know who the next guy was? john edwards. [ laughter ] that's why. that's why. [ applause ] and the --

and now, jay leno! eers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you all here. thank you very much. [ applause ] hope you all had a nice holiday weekend. hey, i thought this was great. to celebrate st. patrick's day, carnival cruise lines had all their toilets overflowing with green water. did you see that? [ laughter ] beautiful. very festive. [ laughter ] well, you know the whole legend of st. patrick, right? st. patrick drove all the snakes out of ireland and then they came here to the united states and became nbc executives. it's a fascinating -- [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] fascinating story. fascinating story. [ applause ] you know, i woke up this morning to the sound of helicopters and police sirens, which, of course in l.a. could only mean one thing. lindsay lohan's back to court again. yes! [ cheers and applause ] well, true to form, lindsay was

and now, jay leno! niversal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you all here. thank you, thank you, thank you. well, folks, they are calling this the worst flu season in years. i just realized that after i shook hands with everybody in the audience. [ laughter ] here are the signs you may have the flu. this is what it said in the news today. you look weak, you look tired. you feel aches, you feel pain. you can't move. it's like you are playing for the lakers. [ audience oohs ] you know what i'm saying? >> rickey: aw! >> jay: you know what i'm saying? tough love, it's tough love. it's going to help them win. [ laughter ] >> rickey: that's right! that's right. >> jay: in fact, this flu season is so bad, hometown buffet has had to hire extra workers just to clean the sneeze guard. that's how bad it is. [ light laughter ] ♪ this flu season is so bad, charlie sheen is now cutting up lines of sudafed. that

jay leno, jimmy fallon, seth myers, tina fey. who's out? who's in? ha ha! no no no! not today! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! jimmy how happy are folks who save hundreds of dollars switching to geico? happier than dikembe mutumbo blocking a shot. get happy. get geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. [ sneezes ] you're probably muddling through allergies. try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin® because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. zyrtec® love the air. on the first day you take it. new griddle-melts to yourime usual breakfast sandwich. a lot more flavor. [ anouncer ] ihop's new griddle melts... made fresh and hot! hand crafted just for you. it's like a sexy sandwich. [ anouncer ] compare new griddle melts yourself. just $4.99. it's an epic breakfast sandwich. ♪ i don't wanna be right [ record scratch ] what?! it's not bad for you. it just tastes that way. [ female announcer ] honey nut cheerios cereal -- heart-healthy, whole grain oats. you can't go wrong loving it. mr. wi

. >>> jay leno, it could be coming down to the end for him.urces say two high level industry sources have said that nbc is preparing to retire jay leno and move jimmy fallon into that coveted late night spot. nbc denies the claims but the sources say the network is planning a may announcement. it's for the 2013-2014 season and might be the last for jay leno. he's been on for 20 years. jimmy fallon speculated to move into that 11:30 time slot. the idea is they want to attract younger viewers. >> well, listen, i've seen them both and i will say this, as possibly what they consider a younger viewer, i have to say i like jay leno. but jimmy fallon brings a spark to the camera. >> those songs he does are crazy. >> the songs, the skits. it's great stuff. >> absolutely. we'll see what happens. >> a 20-year run is not too shabby. >> hey, you made your millions, go retire. and also big news in modern family. >> over the weekend they were in kansas city doing a fund-raiser. three of the actors and they get stuck in an elevator with 15 other people. can

. >>> and the late night shuffle, jay leno, seth meyer, tina fey, who is out and who is in? let's talk. >>> and plus, what could possibly make he do this on national tv? all that in a moment, but first this, a small town in georgia. it is a weekend of sadness, shock and anger. this is where a mother and her 13-month-old child were both shot allegedly by teenagers who shot her and demanded money. the mother was shot in the leg and the child was shot in the stroll stroller. people who heard the gun fire called 911. >> she is shot in the back. >> listen to me ma'am, is the baby breathing? >> the mother is on the floor, and -- >> is there shots in the area? >> the baby is shot. >> ma'am, i have people en route to you but i have to ask you these questions. did you hear any shots in the area? >> yes, i heard the shots. >> police have two teenagers in custody. one is 17 and one is 14 and they are charged with murder to night. earlier the child's mother spoke to cnn and she has a message for those boys who killed her child. >> i hate you, and i don't forgive you, and that you killed

and now, jay leno! eers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show"! nice to have you all here. thank you very, very much. oh, boy, do we have -- anybody here on -- anybody here -- who's on spring break? some spring breakers? yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] little word of advice from an older guy who's been there. i know you kids -- you want to have fun. word of warning. please don't drink and karaoke, okay? [ laughter ] that -- that can get you killed. really. hey, folks, listen to this. according to a new survey, 74% of female college students say they use drinking as an excuse for wild sexual behavior. and 100% of college men say this is a perfectly acceptable excuse. [ laughter ] that's fine. it's okay. it is okay. [ applause ] oh! big upset last night in the ncaa tournament. 14th seed harvard beat the third seed -- what is it? new mexico. 68-62. harvard -- h

and, jay leno is going to get knocked out.you picked the stories today. you assigned which story i read. which story you read. you give me the one about harry reems. familiar with harry reems. the first porn star, starred opposite linda lovelace. he just passed away. he had been in declining health for some years according to his wife jeanne. apparently -- this is all from our producer talking in my ear earlier. this movie was a phenom made $600 million, "deep throat" he was paid $250 for his role. apparently he was the lighting guy. >> oh, who stepped in. >> a lighting guy who clearly had certain prerequisites. >> he had a very long pole. >> oh, my goodness gracious. >> for his light. his light. >> nicely done. of course, what else would you mean? harry reems. >> miley cyrus has put her engagement ring back on. >> okay. >> she took her engagement ring off, for a little while, engaged to liam helmsworth. >> sending a little message there, "treat me right." >> from "hunger games." a long convoluted story. spotted with january j

later jay leno out at nbc. whether jimmie fallon is better than leno. those reports after these messages. [ anouncer ] ihop in time square to compare new griddle-melts to your usual breakfast sandwich. a lot more flavor. [ anouncer ] ihop's new griddle melts... made fresh and hot! hand crafted just for you. it's like a sexy sandwich. [ anouncer ] compare new griddle melts yourself. just $4. it's like a sexy sandwich. it's an epic breakfast sandwich. all stations come over to mithis is for real this time. step seven point two one two. rify and lock. command is locked. five seconds. three, two, one. standing by for capture. the most innovative software on the planet... dragon is captured. is connecting today's leading companies to places beyond it. siemens. answers. from beautyrest40% and posturepedic.ets save hundreds on floor samples and closeout inventory. but hurry, the beautyrest and posturepedic closeout sale ends sunday at sleep train. ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪ charged with 8 counts of murder. seven babies pregnant woman. lawyer jac

and now, jay leno! heers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show." hey, this is exciting. congratulations to the miami heat. they won their 27th consecutive game last night. it was very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] you know, they are closing in on the lakers all-time record of 33 wins in a row that was set back in the '71-'72 season. unfortunately, the only people old enough to remember that are still playing for the lakers. but you know -- exciting. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] but it's exciting. thank you. we have a lot of folks here tonight on spring break? you on spring break? [ cheers and applause ] not to put a damper on it, but researchers have found that just one weekend of binge drinking can cause brain damage. and they say that brain damage is doubled when you crush the beer can against your head. it doubles -- doubles -- [ light laughter ] no, that's wh

. >> announcer: it's "the tonight show with jay leno," featuring rickey minor and "the tonight show" band. tonight, jay welcomes -- from "the late, late show," craig ferguson. oscar-nominated actress vera farmiga. the music of harper simon. and a "jaywalk" tour of the bible. and now, jay leno. [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ >> jay: hey, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you here. thank you very much. thank you. thank you. thank you. are you ready for a big weekend? we've got spring break. we've got the beginning of march madness. we've got st. patrick's day all on the same weekend. so if you see lindsay lohan behind the wheel, get the hell out of the way. get out of the way. [ applause ] how many people on spring break? we got some spring breakers here? [ cheers and applause ] okay, a little tip. a lot of bars in malibu now require two forms of fake i.d., okay? [ laughter ] hey, here's some friendly advice. be careful what pictures you post on facebook. because any picture you spring breakers

. >> you have jay leno on. >> jay leno is on the show tonight.ll him what a piece -- what i think of him. >> charlize theron. >> everyone is saying her name wrong. it's actually theron, so people need to pronounce it correctly. kate beckensdale is on this season. johnny knoxville. it's a really funny show. >> i didn't know what to expect. it is great fun. >> you are on the show too. >> i had a great time. >> you were a really good sport. >> if you invite jay leno, does he know he is going to get skewered. >> yeah, jay leno knows what's up. he knows what i think of him. he's okay with it. that's why we get along so well. >> did you watch the tonight show and say i don't care for him. what sparked it? >> we slept together several times. >> i know. >> he is married, so, obviously, we were with his wife as well, so it was a three-way. >> you know what so many people don't realize about you, when you are not cop lating in one form of another, you are a darn nice person. >> i try to be nice. i try to be nice to make up for the rest of the time that i'm

i couldn't believe that. >> jay leno firing fresh jabs at his employer.e rumor mill is cranked up with reports about nbc possibly replacing leno with jimmy fallon next year. fallon's camp is staying quiet. rumor has it that "the tonight show" could move back to new york if fallon takes the helm. dean obeidallah is back. he's the co-host of "the big three." you worked with jimmy fallon for years on "saturday night live." give us your take on fallon. >> i remember jimmy vividly. when he was auditioning, he was 23 years old. he was nervously holding his guitar. we talked for a minute or two. and i saw this whole trajectory of a guy who went from unknown, becoming a star on the show now to about to take the seat of basically the king of comedy. you dream as a comedian just to be on "the tonight show" let alone to host it. jimmy is a truly nice guy, unbelievably talented. i think it's going to work out. i think mid america is going to like it as much as people in the cities. he's like a young johnny carson. >> what i don't understand and correct me if i'm wron

and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you here. thank you. very kind. listen to this, folks -- [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. listen to this. have you heard about this? north korea is now threatening the united states with all-out war. what the hell did dennis rodman say to these people? [ laughter ] what did he do? no, north korea is claiming they now have the military technology to launch intercontinental missiles. and they're threatening the united states with total annihilation. which brings us to another edition of "why i'm not scared anymore." [ light laughter ] now -- okay, now, here is our military command center. there it is right there. pretty sophisticated. can we show north korea's military command center? okay, there you go. [ laughter ] that's why i'm not scared anymore. [ cheers ] exactly. well -- [ appla

and now, jay leno! cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! thank you. thank you very much! hi, guys! thank you! thank you. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show." you all look surprised to see me. [ laughter ] i'm shocked. well, let's see. in venezuela, they held the funeral for dictator hugo chavez. many world leaders were there. iran sent their president, mahmoud ahmadinejad. cuba sent raoul castro. we sent dennis rodman. [ laughter ] so, it worked out. in fact, right before he died, hugo chavez did have some last words. he said he was just happy he lived long enough to see univision beat nbc. and i was surprised. [ laughter ] surprised by that. well now, that hugo chavez is gone, of course, the crazy nut ball dictator void will be filled by north korea's kim jong un. so, it's nice of him to step in and fill that. so, we appreciate that. [ applause ] this is kind of interest

and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." well here is a -- oh, my god, here is something so frightening, i just heard this on the news. according to the cdc, gonorrhea is developing resistance to all available antibiotics. it may be incurable. [ audience ohs ] have a great spring break everybody. see you later. come on. [ laughter ] that's what it said. [ applause ] oh, you hear about this? i love this story, a greyhound bus headed for new york city had to be evacuated when it was discovered to be infested with cockroaches. cockroaches all over bus. [ audience groans ] yeah. turns out the cockroaches were headed home from their vacation on a carnival cruise ship and they took the bus. [ laughter ] that's what happens. there you go. [ applause ] well, here's something interesting. a recent documen

and now, jay leno! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! thank you very much. welcome to "the tonight show." nice to have you all here. you all excited about march madness? you into march madness? [ cheers and applause ] people talk about who's in, who's out, who's going to be eliminated. and that's just here at nbc. that's not even -- [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] [ applause ] i have never been in the paper this much. it's fantastic. hey, here's a great story. former wwe superstar wrestler chris "the masterpiece" masters -- here's his picture right here. here's his picture. look at that. being called a hero after he saved his mother from burning to death by uprooting a tree with his bare hands, using it as a battering ram to enter her house. see, you never hear about the good things steroids do. it's always the bad things. [ laughter ] you see? you see? [ applause ] and the door was unlocke

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nbc had to shell out $45 million to get rid of conan o'brian and reinstall jay leno. battle between leno and david letterman. chronicled so memberorably in the late shift by bill carter who broke this latest scoop for the "new york times" and joins us now on the phone. bill, thanks so much for joining us. you know the story inside and out. why not make fallon go to los angele why move the show to new york? >> well, that really, jake, is the big news here. the idea that jimmy was getting the show was kind of out there because jay has got one contract that he's working on. he's 62 so there was, you know, an expectation he would be leaving soon if not this contract then maybe another year. so jimmy getting the show was kind of expected. what is really surprising is the move back to new york. though there are a lot of reasons for it i think they all feel the energy of new york helps fallon. he is on "saturday night live" is from new york, albany, but you have lauren michaels the producer of the show who has always been close to jimmy and is new york based. then you have t

taking the jazz is better ratings at least for jay leno.ess in the post season but the yankees alex rodriguez is set to make more than one entire major league baseball team and that is pathetic. more breaking news on s ac capital, new video from a false street journal, catching the arrest, michael steinberg, happening again when it was still dark outside on park avenue. steinberg, billionaire founder and chief steve cohen was arrested in his apartment early this morning and insider-trading charges. sine die is charged with conspiracy to commit securities fraud, counts of securities fraud. as ac released a statement saying mike has conducted himself professionally and ethically during his ten year term. we believe him to be a man of integrity. steve cohen agreed to pay a $616 million civil penalty plead to weeks ago to settle two lawsuits, a judge has put the settlement on hold them added that the a lot about the case the justice department has built against michael steinberg. north korea's leader kim jong and moving missiles into place afte

and now, jay leno! r by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thanks, everybody! welcome to "the tonight show." thank you. welcome sequestration survivors. yes! >> rickey: yes! >> jay: as you know, congress did not reach an agreement. >> rickey: ah! >> jay: and congresswoman maxine waters said today that 170 million jobs could be lost because of it. now, there are only 155 million workers in america. [ laughter ] yet, she says we'll lose 170 million jobs -- are you beginning to understand why we're in this situation in the first place now? [ laughter ] is it starting to become clear why everything isn't quite well? yeah, exactly. [ cheers and applause ] i'll tell you, the cuts -- the cuts have already begun. just yesterday, the pope got laid off. didn't you remember that? [ laughter ] sorry, pal, you're out of here. boom, boom. of course, at this point, we have no idea who the next pope will be. how about mitt romney? he's not doing anything. [ laughte

and now, jay leno! captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. thank you. thank you very much. nice to have you all here. thank you. thank you. well, as you know there is a -- oh, my god. just a huge snowstorm going on back east. i hope everybody is doing okay. i now some folks have lost power back east. so, good luck to them. you know, i spoke to my buddy in boston. they've already gotten a ton of snow in boston. he said massachusetts is now whiter than a romney family reunion. that's how much snow. [ rim shot ] [ laughter and applause ] hey, but and some people -- some people love the snow. i'll tell ya, martha stewart today. did you see her on the news? she built a snowman whose eyes were natural black onyx and whose nose was a caramelized roasted baby carrot sprinkled with thyme. beautiful. [ laughter ] beautiful, beautiful snowman. well here is an interesting statistic, folks. listen to this. no, that's not inte

and now, jay leno! eers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much! welcome to "the tonight show!" nice to have you all here. very kind. thank you. thank you. you know -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. you know, we were on vacation last week. when i come back yesterday, i noticed nbc had really beefed up security. yet, despite that, i was still able to get on the lot. i was surprised. [ laughter ] well, the papal conclave had begun. they put up the chimney. and as you know, if there's white smoke, it means there's a a new pope. if there's black smoke, it means there hasn't been a a decision yet. if there's gray smoke, that means they're just, you know, burning evidence. [ laughter ] but, you know -- >> rickey: oh! >> jay: but it's exciting. it's exciting to watch. yes. [ cheers and applause ] actually, they're doing things a little different this year. for example, for the first time ever

good-bye, jay leno. nbc isn't talking, but it's building a new studio.ell you more about that. it's a hawk with night vision goggles. it's marching to the beat of a different drum. and where beauty meets brains. it's big ideas with smaller footprints. and knowing there's always more in the world to see. it's the all-new lincoln mkz. >>> okay. we talked about jay leno going bye-bye. and jimmy fallon replacing him. jimmy fallon talked about that rumor on his show. let's listen. >> before we get started, i have to talk about the rumors today, that i will be moving up to 11:30, or as my parents call it, still too late. the rumors are true, nbc is turning "the tonight show" into diving competition. so exciting. >> why not just confirm it? we all know it, nbc is building a new studio in new york for jimmy fallon. >> reporter: could "the tonight show" return to new york with "late night with jimmy fallon" replacing jay leno. no official word yet, but nbc is building a brand new new york studio for fallon who already broadcasts from the big apple. >> thank you f

and now, jay leno! cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you very much. thank you. welcome to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. well, as you know, we have a a new pope. he is pope francis from argentina. and here's what we know about him. he is a 76-year-old man with only one lung. you know, this could be just the burst of youth and vitality the catholic church needs to get -- [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] no, did you know that? this is true. the new pope had part of a lung removed when he was a teenager. god, i knew those catholic school nuns were really mean, but i had no idea. [ laughter ] what could he have done? >> rickey: yeah. >> jay: it was wild at the vatican yesterday. did you see it? oh my -- they were partying like it was 1299. it was unbelievable. [ laughter ] let me ask you something, i -- is it me or is the whole papal ceremony getting too commercialize

and now, jay leno! applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: thank you. welcome to the show, folks. so nice to have you here. thank you very much. you sound like little debbie when she heard hostess was going out of business. wow. [ laughter ] i guess you know hostess, the makers of twinkies has filed for bankruptcy. [ audience aws ] but that doesn't mean it's over. the two sides are still talking but in the meantime, you know, you can make your own twinkies at home. you can do this. all you need is white bread, some yellow spray paint and a a caulking gun, and boy -- you are right there! [ laughter ] but you know something, it's not -- [ applause ] it's not just the twinkies i'm gonna miss. i feel sad for all the other hostess products that are going away. like, remember suzy q? >> rickey: yeah. >> jay: she's now out on the street, working as an ho-ho. yeah, it's terrible. [ laughter and applause ] terrible. terrible. terr

and now, jay leno! nd applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: yes, all righty. welcome. yes. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. pope and change. pope and change. pope and change. we have a new pope, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] yes, he is -- he is cardinal jorge mario bergoglio. he is from argentina. and tens of millions -- yes. tens of millions hispanics celebrated the new pope, and that was just here in l.a., okay? that's not even counting -- [ laughter ] no, people all over the world, of course, celebrate differently. in rome, they prayed. in dublin, they sang. in new york, they chugged super sized mountain dews, you know? the big -- [ laughter ] actually, it's pretty exciting. it was a great ceremony. the pope went out on the balcony, and beyonce lip-synched the vatican anthem. did you see that, when she lip -- [ laughter ] thought that was fantastic. oh, boy. [ cheers and applause ] and man,