(gasps) you stole jedediah swearengen's original camp rules! jorge, how could you? it was actually really simple. glass is super easy to break. hey, pinecone emma! hey, pinecone lou! your canoe therapy sure did help me and pinecone zuri solve our problems. yeah, you're the best counselor ever! pinecone group hug! uh, lou? what? (chuckles) i'm not doing anything! no, you're weird! whatever! (chuckles) hey, have you seen emma? the real one, not the pinecone. emma and zuri are actually working out their problems on the lake. oh, lou's famous canoe therapy! a classic. yeah, i'm kind of a genius. i'm just waiting for them to tug on that rope so i can pull them in. uh, what rope? uh-oh. (shivering) i'm freezing. quit shivering. you're shaking the boat, and i'm trying to do my nails. you stole my nail file again? yes, because the first time, you took it back. now that's on you! give that back to me! no! (both screaming) okay, lou's stupid canoe therapy isn't working. i'm just going to have her pull us in. (gasps) oh, no! i'm at the end of my rope. so am i. you're lucky you

our camp founder, jedediah swearengen, whittled this sacred stick from an ancient pine that was struck by lightning. as was jedediah, whose wife left him shortly thereafter. because he was hit by lightning? no, he was just emotionally distant. since then, we've honored the stick out of respect to the woods and its spirits. because of this, the camp and the forest have lived in harmony. i guess the forest turns a blind eye to gladys' daily raw sewage dump. but, if the guardian loses the stick, the wood spirits will flip out! and the guardian's entire cabin will be cursed with bad luck! that's ridiculous. there's no such thing as bad luck. if that's true, how did i end up here? and now, we will toss the stick up in the air, and whoever it touches first will be the new spirit stick guardian! oh! (all gasping) oh! the stick has fallen! emma ross is the guardian! she cheated! she has giant man shoulders! (gasping) here we go we're leaving the city behind right now let's gather by the campfire light and sing this song all: kikiwaka hanging out with someone new then falling out of a camp cano