i'm also joined by jeff gardier who is a psychologist and terry williams who is the author of the criticallyin, it just looks like we're not hurting." i read about people who struggle about depression but they never discuss it. why is that happening? >> i think it's the ultimate stigma. many of us see it as a character flaw, sign of weakness. because we're a very faith-based people, we think that to do anything other than to take it to the lord and prayer is blasphemy. >> we also see that there are genetic factors, that there is her t heritabilaty. in most cases people feel like they're not responsible. why can't you just get out of bed? why can't you just get up and go to work? why is it you just moping around? just pull yourself together. i think when people hear that it pushes them further into depression and they become ashamed of something that other people think that they are now responsible for. >> and i don't think that people really understand that it is a medical condition. i think people think it's something, like you said, a character flaw, something they can get over, something

joining me is jeff gardier. >> some americans are still very upset about the outcome of the election,e some advice, so let's go through it. first, you say set ground rules at the dinner table. what do you mean by that? >> letting your guests know before they even get to your home, of course you welcome political discussion, that's really what family dinners, thanksgiving dinners seem to be about because of the the reply quag upheaval, but by setting the ground rules, you're letting people know right away what is expected of them and what it is they can and cannot do. >> so i see some of them beside you. no foul language. >> now, you know, carol, people will say this is a ridiculous bleep situation, that's okay, but you can't use cusswords aimed at one another or calling someone stupid or idiotic. that just does not work. secondly i think it's important that people units that it's okay to raise their voices, but not to scream at one another, and of course you have to lynn to what other people have to say. it shouldn't be a winning points -- >> c'mon, jack, i love winning points. my who

clinical psychologist jeff gardiere joins us from new york. you're going to help us with that. it. >> good to see you as always. >> number one, don't buy what you already have. that seems simple. >> yeah. stay away from the duplications. listen, we don't need another hero and we don't need another flat screen tv. because of the pressure from the retailers, we feel that we just need to go a little bit better, go a little bit bigger. stick with what you have. carol, i love watching you on my 42" plasma tv. i don't need to go to the 52". i'll keep what i have right now. >> you're a strong man, jeff gardere. you say also make a list. >> make a list before you go into the store and stick to the list. you discussed right here on your broadcast that you go in to buy something. next thing you know, you're buying two or three other things, again that you don't need. if you stick to that list, stick to your guns, you're going to feel much better afterwards and certainly you're going to feel a lot less guilt when you get home. >> you know what always bothers me? i go out to christmas shop

joining me now to talk about how to cope are two great psychologists, jeff gardier and robi ludwig. ff, let me begin with you. you say there are different kinds of stress, particularly this time of year, that we need to try to get a handle on. and let us say it's self-imposed, right? >> i would say that probably is the number one stress that is -- that we deal with, the stress that we put upon ourselves because we have this whole idea from everything we hear in the media, and we love the media, of course, but they're telling us we need to be perfect. we need to go out and get the gifts if we truly want to show our love. especially for the women. you saw the apa poll. it shows more women are stressed out than men. that's because women are the hostesses with the mostss. and they feel they have to do everything for everyone and everything has to be perfect at the dinner table. >> if it's mostly self-imposed, robi, that means you have to look within to try to manage the stres. you have to talk yourself out of saying i have to do or be everything for everyone? >> absolutely. i think when