and for the hearing impaired, that's jefferson cleaners. a surprisingconclusion to our case and a generous gestureby mr. jefferson. what could i say? i'm cursed with a generous nature. that's the policy of jefferson cleaners-- i'm working here. not anymore. what's up? can't usethis segment. why not? clarence darrow heredidn't let the judgemake his ruling. i was a bigger hit than that judge. maybe so. you forgetone thing. what's that? i'm the star. oh, george. thank you for being such a gentleman. drop dead, willis. i can take a lot of guff, but i don't go for that "drop dead" talk. listen, both of you. you're friends. you've been friends for years. court is no place to air your dirty laundry. well, you know what i mean. this fighting is senseless. for taking this ridiculous mess this far? tom. george. sorry. sorry. i was a real fool. you sure were. george! we should have figured this out ourselves. only a foolwould be on this show. what do you mean, ain't going to be on tv? opyright 1982 t.a.t. communications company well, we're movin' on up

i happen to be50% of jefferson cleaners. whdidn't youconsult me? i didn't want you to worry your pretty little head. you areincredibly sexist. [doorbell rings] you ain't too bad yourself. oh, come in. hi, louise. hi, george. louise, did we come at a bad time? we heard arguing from outside. george and i were having a discussion. the little womanthinks i'm a sexist. oh, no. what's the matter? helen and i were having an argument. you're arguing about the same thing. you were arguingabout my commercial? we were arguingabout a book tom's about to publish written by e.g. raymond,m.d., ph.d., and s.l.o.b. i saw him on donahue. he thinks that women are intellectually and physically inferior to men. that's the one. so? this is business. this bookwill make me money, money that will buy youpots and pans. pots and pans? pots and pans, i might add, be wearing. good-bye, louise. that was a poor choice of words. i better buy a box of candy. oh, and i'll get flowers for helen. willis don't knowhow to handle women. oh, and you do? certain-moi. if you'll follow meto

now, think jefferson cleaners. jefferson cleaners. jefferson cleaners, they're the best terrific! now what comes to mind? i rememberhoneymooning with agnes in a cabin by the woods. any dry cleaners in those woods? we were sipping wineby a crackling fire, listening to the windrustling through the trees. agnes lookedin my eyes and said, "uncle miltie's on." "let's watch him." oh, god, what a night! what did i doto drive agnes away? agnes ran out on you, and you're takin' the blame. it couldn't have beenagnes' fault. it was her fault. it wasn't you that said, "tho long, agneth." it was her that said, "tho long, thammy." you loved her for 30 years, and she stomps on you. oh, that hussy! instead of bein' mad at her, you're blamin' yourself. well, not anymore. i've got my pride. oh, so long, agnes so long you were wrong, agnes so wrong you played mefor a fool how could you beso cruel? so long, agnes so long hey! so long, agnes so long now i'm strong, agnes so strong i want to get across that baby,it's your loss so long, agnes so long one more time! so long, agnes so long sammy! you can

have you heardof jefferson cleaners? yes! your husband works for a dry cleaner with the same last name. well, actually, it's morethan a coincidence. he owns jefferson cleaners. really? that strange little short man who used to pick you up? well, if i had known that, i would have been sending my clothes to him all these years. it would be nice having another jefferson doing my cleaning. louise, do smile. you were always sserious. there. that's better. would you like some sherry? no, thank you. there, now. i found it funny that you called me after all those years because i was talking about you last week. really? my new girl wants a new steam iron. i asked her, "what for? "it was good enough for louise. it should be good enough for you." do you remember that iron? yes. i wastalking aboutthat iron last week. a friend asked me, "how didyou get thosefreckles on your hand?" i said,"from mrs. warren's iron. it used tospit scalding water." you do remember. while we're reminiscing, oh, yes.what a greatlittle personality. sort oflike y

starch, the new symbol of jefferson cleaners. what? he's dry cleaning's goodyear blimp. he got stuck in traffic. circus acts are boring. a fat man in a box is advertising. ok, hit it. oh, come on, george. i feel a little silly. a little silly? willis, you're way beyond silly. hit it. oh, i'm mr. starch! hey! thank you for your pants and while we get them nice and clean i'll do a little dance that's enough. that's enough! tom. you're a respectable, intelligentbook publisher. yes. why are youin a box? do things for each other. what's hedoing for you? hey! don't pay no attention to her. sit down. mind if i stand? well, whatever. look, willis, i want to say something to you i've never said to another human being. will you be my mr. starch? mr. starch meansthat much to you? as much as mr. pizza means to you. george,i had no idea. can i count on you? call me mr. starch. all right! [doorbell rings] hi, louise. hi-- thomas woodrow willis! you come out of there! woodrow? hi, honey. hey, love your hair. hey, hate your box! what are you doing in there? well, i'm mr. starch. now jus

cleaner. but i love cleaning filthy dramatic costumes. mr. jefferson, your receipt. florence, here's your key ring. really splurging, hey, florence? this isn't for me. it's for the maid. you and your husbandcome for dinner. we never eat. that's becauseyou never cook. i'd talk about me,you'd talk about you. i could pretendthat i'm interested. what a charming invitation. but i would enjoy seeing your place. it wouldn't be politewithout your husband. i go everywhere without him. that's not a good idea. who cares? dinner at 8:00? i'll be there! good! move your butt. we have a dinner guest. oh, no,not tonight. i'm really beat. i had a crazy dayat the help center. i tried convincingtwo runaways to go home. why didn't you call their parents? they were the parents. i brought you something. i think it will cheer you up. oh, george! that's beautiful! read the inscription. this client's an old friend of florence's. what's wrong?you ain't said one word. not thati'm complaining. you don't seemvery enthusiastic. what's wrong? well-- how could i be so insensitive? florence feels ba

you own jefferson cleaners. yes, i do. medicine isjust a hobby. have you donated to "send a boy to camp"? yes. i'm collecting for "send a girl to camp." would you make a donation? when do you find timefor real police work? when i'm back on duty, i could ticket your vans. i'll write youa check. oh, officer kenwood, this is florence. oh, florence, you are as beautiful as that beautiful city in italy that bears your name. florence, this is officer kenwood. you can call me wallace. wallace. i'll getyour wallace, coffee-- i mean, i'll getyour coffee, wallace. that isa fine-lookin' woman. her? i thought policemen had to pass an eye test. excuse me. george, would youstay here and continueto be charming? will this donation guarantee i'll never get arrested? no. will it guarantee against speeding tickets? no. florence, guess whatofficer kenwood told george. "get a hair weave." no. he said he thinks you'rea fine-lookin' woman. really? no. really? really? what do youthink of him? he's handsome in a "i'd cut off my arm to date him" way. you like him,and he li

now, i'm 50% of jefferson cleaners. i'll have our attorney draw up a pension plan for florence. you can't do that.i'm the boss. i'll just have to go over the boss' head. it'll be a short trip. i want to show you something. george, your impressionof sammy davis, jr. won't work this time. i'm not talking about that. you two thinki'm no good? worse than helen'steriyaki pork! come on in, willis. is the strike over? just come inside. i got something to show you. i wasn't supposed to show this for a long time, i made this tape six months ago. i want you to know, florence, that every word in this tape comes from my heart. by the time you see this, i'll already be dead. thank you for being here on this solemn occasion... louise, lionel, jenny, tom, helen, florence. and you, too, mr. president. what the heck is this? you're probably saying, "what the heck is this?" well, this is my last will and testament. i know you're all busted up over me being dead. i don't blame you. i miss me, too. i was a great man. willis, put down those peanuts! anyway... i died a rich man, which was the worst p

this is jefferson cleaners. your clothes ain't ready! hey, willis, you sayinsurance pays for everything? sure. good. i always wanted a push-button phone. oh, man, what a fire, huh, willis? it even ripped the phone out of the wall. oh, hello, chief. have you looked around? yeah. it's pretty bad. let me think. yep. good. you've definitelygot a claim. hey, i'm rich. who can talk about money now? the cause of the firewas faulty wiring. wiring? you'll be ok. the guy whowired this placewill lose his shirt. george, what's wrong? i got a big problem. what? george, those things aren't candy. i can't help it.i feel terrible. even my headache'sgot a headache. i understand, george. have you gotten in touch with lionel? lord, i hope he ain't out doin' no more wiring. now, george. i'm sorry. all i can think about is lionel's career in ruins, like my store. it's all willis' fault. what? willis. he had jenny. lionel married her. they had a kid. he needed extra money. he took outside work. he wired my store. it burned down. damn willis. thank goodness yo

i'm the george jefferson of jefferson cleaners. seven locations. my god! that's my husband! is there a secret tunnel here? that's my wife,officer. hi, george. how was the game? helen, angel, are you all right? what are you laughing at? that woman's wearing the same dress you are! this is no time for jokes! get me out of here! she's been very snippy tonight for some reason. come hereso we can chat. what about? about this. oh, george, i'm so ashamed! i don't know what came over me! maybe you can bail me out! of course,my sweetheart. bail weezy out for me. that's a lotof money! now we're even. i paid for your corn dogs! looks like you'rein big trouble this time. i know, george. good thingyou married me. if you were marriedto somebody else, i'd press charges. why did you wantthis picture? you didn't want to share it with me. i realized that, after all these years, you have memories that don't include me. if you want it so bad,here it is. i trust you. i don't want it. you don't, huh? you had me sent up the river, well, i do. it's for weezy only. go over thereand compare dresses.

jefferson cleaners,seven locations, one near you. huh? there isn't? then move. put lou on, will you? lou, i want you to do something for me. dump my t.z.i. sell all of it. i know it's a wise move. you agree i should sell the stock? don't sell it. you haven't ever been right. george, great news! i see in the paper that t.z.i. plunged. the bottom fell out. you sold just in time. is something wrong? florence gone yet? yes, she's downstairs with the consortium waiting for you. oh. can we meet up here? the nerve of those women using our board room to do their wash! you don't have to go to the meeting. the meeting came to you. how about that? i can watch you tell them the good news personally. you ain'ta member ofthe consortium. i'm married to george. surely you can make an exception. no. uh-uh. uh-uh. well! i'll bein my room. we know you've got good news. first, we've got something for you. enough. what's the fox of wall street got to tell us today? when you go tofast food standsto get burgers, what do youhave to drink? root beer. cola. scotch on the rocks. i carry m

jefferson cleaners, you know. grape stains, no problem. grease stains, no problem. - sit down! - no problem. (audience laughs) - what were you looking for? - um, well, my wife's wedding ring. one of your friends stole it from me. - i don't know nothing about that! - look, i'll tell you what. just tell me how much you want for the ring. you tell me what you want, i'll write you a check. - i said i don't know-- (gasps) - hey, you need a doctor. - i don't need nothing. we're just gonna sit here til rachel gets back, and then we're, we're-- (pained cry) - hey, you sure you're ok? you all right? what can i do? - i think the baby's coming. - i can't do that! (audience laughs) hey wait, wait, uh, can't you postpone it 'til you feel a little better? huh? hello in there! there's nothing happening out here! go back to sleep! (screams) (grunts) - it hurts! - i know! (audience laughs) (screaming) sympathy pains. i'll be ok. look, i read in a book someplace that you're supposed to be laying down when you're having a baby. why don't you just lie down right there. don't worry about it, this i

jefferson. i'm giving you a raise." isn't that great? weezy, bring ussome coffee. i take cream. we don't have any cream. would clorox be ok? blue sky cleaners wants to run ads featuring your wife ruining you. sound good? jefferson cleanerswants to run ads featuring your lipsnailed to a bus.sound good? do you think i like rubbing your face in this? i don't enjoy humiliating you. i'm just doing this to get a jacuzzi. you wantto buy me out? draw up the papers. are you serious? i sure am. excuse me. i'm going to get a jacuzzi! i'll get to work on it, jefferson. i always knew you'd fold, but our computer said it would be a month until you cracked. me, crack?you don't know i pulleda fast one on you. you did? that's right.you see, i wantto retire. i've been kingof the cleanerslong enough. well, you deserve a rest, jefferson. you've earned it. you see, i respect elderly people. take my mother, for instance. when she got too feeble to work, i let her live with me. no matter how cold it gets up in that attic, i still visit her. you're a regularjohn-boy, winslow. it's my mom. i owe her. i'll see you, jefferson. where's mr. winslow? seeing his boss. i

jefferson,i'm sorry. i wanteda dry cleaner to sponsor my team, and you thoughti was interestedin your poetry. i read your book. they're sincere.they're from the heart. but they don't haveany mass appeal. willis liked them. he's a mass! florence, bring me that fruit bowl. thank you. i am sorryabout the mix-up, but i have to go. i'll sendthe uniforms tomorrow. i'm very sorry. that's ok. poetry's my hobby. dry cleaning is my life. well, not every manhas a sensitive soul, but everybodygets dirty. helen, let's walk graham out. good night, louise.florence. you really liked thosepoems we just heard? i don't know, but i knew they'd give me fruit. i don't understand it. everybody saidthey were great. george, they were. but there was something different about tonight. maybe you were rushed. maybe you weren't in the mood. maybe you were distracted by the bongos. bongos? you see. these poems areabout dumb things, except for hawaii 5-0. my other poems wereabout something important. what? you. that's more beautiful to me than all the poetry

there's a dry cleaner,who shall remain nameless. mr. jefferson? that's him. there's alsoa miss sanderson on the 8th floor, the one wholikes to entertain. yeah. so? well, let's just say that mr. jeffersonis this week's co-star. the man might be bald and obnoxious, but i won't listen to nothin' bad about him. i'm telling you-- he didn't do it. do what? who? what were you saying about mr. jefferson? well, i heard the words bald and obnoxious, and i know my husband. out with it, ralph. well, i reallymust be going. hold it, ralph. florence, would you put some water in this? don't payno attention to ralph. he gossips. i'm waiting, ralph. well, actually, i really ought to-- sit. if there's something you know about my husband, i have the right to hear it. you're like family to me. than cause youa moment's pain. here's $1.00. your husband'scheating on you. cheating on me! that's horrible to say. that's why itgrieves me to tell you it's miss sandersonin 8-b. who's miss sanderson? she's a young, beautiful,voluptuous woman who can't hold a candleto you, ma'am. george wit