it is not a pretty picture. >> not as i see it. >> reporter: at 15 jennette mccurdy was one of the mosts on television, playing sam puckett in "icarly." to her millions of fans she was known as the funny bff. but she says behind that bubbly onscreen persona, nothing about her real life was funny. for you, what were the pitfalls of child fame? >> you're playing an adult's game. you're in an adult's world, and you don't recognize that. you're incapable of being on that level, but you are confused and you think that you are. i think it really leads to stunted personal development. >> juju: her personal struggles eventually prompting her to abandon acting all together. you say quite frankly this was never your dream. stardom was never your dream. who's dream was it? >> my mom's. i think she wanted me to have a better life than she had, but i also think her approach was very unhealthy and informed by her own lack of self-work. and she lived vicariously through me. >> jennette had her first audition at age 6, encouraged by her late mom deborah. their mother-daughter bomb deeply disordered and