like monet, love him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jim gaffigan and "the jim gaffigan show" premierse ] ♪ watch as these magnificent creatures take flight, soaring away from home, towards the promise of a better existence. but these birds are suffering. because this better place turned out to have an unreliable cell phone network, and the videos on their little bird phones kept buffering. birds hate that. ♪ so they came back home. because they get $300 for switching back to verizon. and so can you! verizon, come home to a better network. irresistibly crispy bacon, of enticingly tender turkey, and deliciously rich guacamole together on freshly baked bread for one truly amazing sandwich: the new subway turkey & bacon guacamole. only at subway. ♪ ♪ ♪ everyone's raving! age defy from clairol the secret? superior gray coverage that leaves hair looking 10 years younger age defy from clairol ♪ong: rachel platten "fight song" two million, four hundred thirty-four thousand, three hundred eleven people in this city. and only one me. ♪ i'll take those odds. ♪ be unstoppable. the all-new 2015 fo

"the jim gaffigan show" airs wednesday nights on tv land.id this guy was the best? oh, he's a horrible stylist. gah? but he's the best at paying claims fast! really... mmhmm. paid mine in just one day. one day? yea. aaaflaaaac! in just one day, we approve and pay. one day pay, only from aflac. life looks great with tampax pearl. it's built-in, back-up braid helps stop leaks by channeling them back into the core, protecting you in a way no other tampon does. tampax. power over periods. the lincoln summer invitation is on. get exceptional offers on the compact utility mkc, mkz sedan... the iconic navigator. and get a first look at the entirely new 2016 mid-size utility lincoln mkx. lease the 2015 mkc for $369 a month with $0 down, $0 first month's payment and $0 cash due at signing. and it comes with thsomething different. ♪ ninety-nine percent of people who have an iphone, love their iphone. ♪ if it's not an iphone, it's not an iphone. ♪ america, it's a fact. new york loves snapple and we want the rest of america to love it too. simple ingred

"the jim gaffigan show" airs wednesday nights on tv land.dge connectivity of the lexus es. ♪ with available technology to help you find just what you're looking for. ♪ come in to the lexus golden opportunity sales event, where you'll find some of the best offers of the year on our most luxurious models. for a limited time. this is the pursuit of perfection. america, it's a fact. new york loves snapple and we want the rest of america to love it too. simple ingredients: real sugar, real tea. millions of new yorkers can't be wrong - we'll just leave it at that. all-natural snapple half 'n half. made from the best stuff on earth.. start the interview with a firm handshake. ay,no! don't do that! try head & shoulders instant relief. it cools on contact, and also keeps you 100% flake free. try head & shoulders instant relief. for cooling relief in a snap. ♪ you and me, we could be bare footin' ♪ ♪ we'll certainly get around, ohh ♪ ♪ you and me, we could be bare footin' ♪ ♪ our feet can touch the ground ♪ conceal cracks and splinters with the ultima

and he's the star of "the jim gaffigan show." comedian and actor, jim gaffigan.lly wanted to do this topic, maybe because i'm catholic so i wanted to bring up-- pope francis he's been all up in the world's business lately talking about global warming and recently divorce and same-sex marriage. is this pope ( bleep ) or what? ( cheers and applause ) i don't know. you're catholic right? >> i'm catholic, but i'm very uninformed. but i would say that-- i mean, i like some of his progressive ideas, but i don't-- you know, is the separation thing is interesting, but i like the fact -- >> he said marital couples could separate. >> he didn't say divorce because i'm married to a shiite catholic and i like the fact -- >> a shiite catholic. i didn't know you could be a shiite catholic. >> she can't quit the team-- when you're catholic you can't quit the team, so i don't want him to go too far. >> larry: do you think the pope is probably attracting more young people using this kind of language and-- >> i think-- it kind of is but,n except it's like, another i want to pray wi

jim gaffigan will be here when we get back. >>> hey, my special guest is one of the top comics in the country and he has his own tv show premiering on july fief teenth. clearly he is -- jim -- >> i don't know. that doesn't seem like -- he is too aloof. reality is i'm too fat to sit in one of those top chairs. i needed to be grounded here. i was kicked off the panel for eating during a taping. >> it is all right you refused to do the panel. you said no politics, tom. >> i don't want to talk about politics. >> why don't i preface for saying i opened for years. i was supposed to tour with you this summer. >> and you bailed on me because you got this gig. this gig. it is terrible. you tried successfully as we have spanned this great land i love more than sean hannity does, but you have attempted -- and i have thrown a football all the time, but you have attempted to turn pea into a conservative -- turn me into a conservative the entire way and i relented and i am still of the party of everyone. >> you are universal. that is a good point. your demographics are huge. i open for you and i go

jim gaffigan will be here when we get back. growing up, we were german.nced in a german dance group. i wore lederhosen. when i first got on ancestry i was really surprised that i wasn't finding all of these germans in my tree. i decided to have my dna tested through ancestry dna. the big surprise was we're not german at all. 52% of my dna comes from scotland and ireland. so, i traded in my lederhosen for a kilt. ancestry has many paths to discovering your story. get started for free at ancestry.com. >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test >> test doug. you've been staring at that for a while, huh? listen, td ameritrade has former floor traders to help walk you through that complex trade. so you'll be confident enough to do what you want. i'll pull up their number. blammo. let's get those guys on the horn. oooo. looks like it is time to upgrade your phone, douglas. for all the confidence you need. td ameritrade. you got this. one of the top comics in the country and he has his own tv show premiering on july fief teenth. clea

and then someone hands you a baby. >> that is jim gaffigan in his mr. parnedhood and parlayed his jokes in dad is fact and food. a love story. next week, he begins starring in the jim gaffigan loosely based on his life. >> so i ate a cake! who hasn't eaten a cake! >> me! i have never eaten a whole cake. you're rationalizing. >> you're in denial. watch this. ever eaten a whole cake? >> no. >> how about that? >> a cake is not a mexican pizza. >> when will you admit you have a problem with overeating? that smi act. my act i'm an overeater. in real life i'm a regular guy that ate a cake. it was a big cake all right. it's not two cakes. i ate one cake! >> happy 49thth birthday! >> oh, my gosh. every birthday i have here on "cbs this morning." no, it's weird. i am 49 but i feel like i'm 78. i feel like -- it's insane. yesterday, i was 20 years old and, now it's gone so fast. >> i think the five kids play a big role in that. >> it has something to do with that. i say five you but i'm not really not sure of the number because they are all moving and going somew

tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- vince vaughn jim gaffigan

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone! (cheers and applause) world news headquartersl in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." i'm jon stewart. man, we have a good show tonight! we have prepared a beautiful program. tonight on our program, a young fellow named jon hamm! (cheers and applause) you're probably aware as regular viewers of this program that last week the supreme court court held down rulings on health care and matrimony that caused some in the community to act with conscience nation. >> these nine supreme court justices know they're not doing what they're compelled to do by the constitution. >> the supreme court rulings are heartbreaking they're rewriting laws at the bench. >> they're in rogue. might as well get rid of the supreme court and save money. (laughter) >> jon: then we would have money to save lighting. (laughter) storage room, bike club facility they let me use the presidential campaign.

. >> seth: and your parents were played by jim gaffigan and kate walsh.s like, oh my god, kate walsh. and my dad is a huge gaffigan fan of standup. and my dad was very excited because he was a stand-in and his arm was used to replace jim gaffigan's arm. [ light laughter ] and he's been pausing it to show all of his friends. "you guys, look at the arm!" [ laughter ] >> seth: they're here tonight. the jost's are here tonight. let's say hi to your parents. here they are, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] your brother casey. you and your brother casey play cops in the movie. i was going to ask if you felt like the mayor of staten island when you were making a movie there but not compared to your brother, right? >> people will come up to me and me like -- "oh, my god are you colin jost?" i'll be like, yes. "do you know casey jost?" [ light laughter ] yeah, he's like my brother. "oh, my god, can you introduce me?" i was like no, i can't, we're on bad terms. [ laughter ] i feel like the order is pete davidson first, obviously. >> seth: right, snl's pete davidson. >>

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone! (cheers and applause) >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, everybody's buzzing in the office tonight. we got ourselves taylor schilling. taylor schilling is going to join us. (applause) >> i don't even know where to start. last week was amazing! all right we all know country's been in a bit of a rough patch latly. the [bleep] i believe it's referred to. (laughter) but then all of a sudden out of nowhere confederate flags start coming undo supreme court decisions supporting health care fair housing marriage equality. it was a display-- (cheers and applause) >> jon: stunning in its-- it was a display stunning in its a lack rit and its completenessment traditionally victimized communities granted the legal dignity that had been denied them so many years. truly a moment of joy or or or-- (l

>>, and jim gaffigan. follow us on facebook and twitter. a very special show it were night, bree newsome, the woman who took the confederate flag in south carolina down by herself will be joining us. so good nightly, everyone. comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey my name is jon stewart. my guest senator kristen gillibrand of the great state of new york. (cheers and applause) she is from what i understand, i don't know this officially the only government he lech tee that is not current-- electee not currently running pore president. in fact that is the subject of tonight's dem october lips 2015 10 pounds of [bleep] in a 5 pound bag. that bag exploded metaphorically covering america in [bleep]. (laughter) folks, the election is i don't know, a year and a half away right? and it just won't stop. >> louisiana governor bobby jindal this morning is part of a not so exclusive

unless you're jim gaffigan. >> remember last went snore i think we all still have emotional scars.ories. can you believe it? summer. the golden boy of seasons. everyone loves summer. what's not to love? sunny days, warm weather and don't forget it's not winter. now it may not come as a huge surprise to you that i don't hop on the summer bandwagon, i am pale and nobody wants to see me in shorts. like most pudge egos i prefer light jacket weather. i like a place to put my keys and hide the fact that i haven't worked out in two decades. i'm sure most of you love summer. it's like a three-month vacation. of course this isn't true but the perception of a summer holiday sure makes doing work during the summer feel like punishment. summer does mean no school for my children. hey, who doesn't deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten? i don't know exactly what's good about my kids getting the summer off. my kids lounge around the apartment like they returned from fighting isis with a constant "what are we going to do now" look on their faces. i can't wait for back t

tomorrow night, vince vaughn and jim gaffigan will be here!applause ] i love vince vaughn. i love jim gaffigan. we have music from ryn weaver. and, of course, "thank you" notes. you don't want to miss tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] but first, joining us tonight, one of the stars of the new "true detective" anthology on hbo, colin farrell is in the house! [ cheers and applause ] people love colin farrell. they love him. colin will fill us in on the new season of "true detective." then he and i are playing a a brand new game called "true confessions." [ cheers ] along with a very special guest. so stick around for that. [ audience oohs ] yeah. plus, we love it when this guy comes to the show. he's always game. he's always down for something weird or something fun. so of course why make it any different tonight? it's going be fun. he has a new movie called, "the overnight." he's very funny in it. jason schwartzman is here, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] every time he's great. and then, this monster has a a new cook book ou

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone!plause) >> chris: it's 11:59 and 60 seconds. happy leap second day. yeah, you didn't know. this happened on mashable.com today.

tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- vince vaughn jim gaffigan

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone!man scoop: drop] ♪ wiggle the beat stop, drop ♪ ♪ get up, sneak, freak, whop ♪ ♪ wiggle the beat stop, drop ♪ ♪ get up, sneak, freak, whop ♪ ♪ wiggle the beat stop, drop ♪

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone!

(cheers and applause) jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. goodnightly, everyone! 60 seconds. happy leap second day. yeah, you didn't know. this happened on mashable.com today. get your phones even closer to your radiated faces because it's social media day. ( cheers and applause ) oh man! so great this

to all of you guys. >> good morning. >> michael, ian black, ashley williams this show is about jim gaffigan'ske a heart attack, it's -- >> step in. >> it's our show. yes. >> just have to wait and see. >> you're playing jim's wife. his wife is a producer on the show. >> sure is. >> how is that? >> it's funny. i was really nervous. it's hard ta play somebody that exists but when they exist two feet away from you it's terrifying. >> doesn't it help they are swingers in real life? >> listen. jeannie is an amazing woman. and it's so much fun to play such a strong funny woman. >> just have to do stuff like that. >> me and jeannie? >> yeah. we totally can. they're married. in love. >> why do you -- supposed to be about a married couple. >> does she say, no, that's not how i would do it? >> what's amazing -- no. >> what did i do? too early in the morning? >> never. >> what's amazing i found her more than anything else looking at me saying do what feels naturally to you which is amazing since she has written every word and could micro manage. >> what comes naturally to you is pretty disgusting. >> cre

. >>> hi, everybody i am the executive producer of the jim gaffigan show. he plays the character on the show and i am proud to be doing it because i can show the world how grounded and success -- sustained i am. he thinks i am crazy. >> i think you are a lunatic. >> they are coming to get you. they are coming to get you. >> i am here with genie, the writer, mother of five and the executive producer of the jim gafigan show. clearly she is. you are too good for the panel. >> thank you so much. when jim was here the other day i said we have to have genie on because i have to talk to her. i know more than most people about genie gafigan. i have been on the tours. let's talk about the tours. i did a pod cast which you were involved in available on itunes. i want you to check it out because it is a behind the scenes life of the gafigan family, really, right? >> i think so. you have known us for a longtime. like before we had kids. >> from the beginning, yeah. was it a drag having this extra guy around when you are touring with your family? >> it is great to have

comedian and actor jim gaffigan has five young children.n people acting like having a family is like retiring from success. he says, have you seen a smiling baby? smiling babies should be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. being happy is the definition of success. >> seeing the video of my children, babies laughing. there is nothing sweeter or better than that. you have all that to look forward to. >> let's focus on that and not the rest of it. >> you'll be great. he has such a way of being funny. >> can't wait to have kids. i gotta catch up. $300,000 a kid? that's $1.5 million. >> but worth every piny. >> but worth every penny. exactly. >>> finally, get fired up. because tonight is the dramatic season finale of "the bachelorette." will kaitlyn find true love with nick or shawn? we have got an exclusive sneak peek for you right now. >> my mom knows me better than anyone. she does ask all the right questions. she knows her opinion means everything with me. if my mom doesn't approve of a guy, i can't be w

then on friday, we have vince vaughn, jim gaffigan, and "thank you notes" on friday. [ cheers and applausethat. but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. from the new movie, "infinitely polar bear," mark ruffalo is here! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love that guy. he's great in every movie. i like him. plus, he directs and stars in the new film "a little chaos." the great alan rickman is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] how do i -- how does the voice go again? [ alan rickman impression ] >> steve: mcclane. >> jimmy: harry -- harry -- harry potter. [ laughter ] harry -- harry -- harry potter. [ light laughter ] harry potter. [ laughter ] >> steve: now say, "oh, punky." >> jimmy: alan rickman is gonna be here. and then -- boy, do we have great music tonight. gosh, this guy is an absolute legend. i'm so psyched he's here. don't you just love the guy? i love him so -- if looking for a gift for father's day or anything, you have a week left, by the way. >> steve: not even. not even a week. soon. >> jimmy: it's really, really soon. >> steve: it's this sunday. saturd

tonight michael douglas, comedian jim gaffigan, music from nate ruess, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers

tonight michael douglas, comedian jim gaffigan, music from nate ruess, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheersseth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?

comedian and actor jim gaffigan has five young children.m success. he say, have you seen a smiling baby? smiling babies should be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. being happy is the definition of success. >> seeing the video of my children, babies laughing. there is nothing sweeter or better than that. you have all that to look forward to. >> let's focus on that and not the rest of it. >> you'll be great. he has such a way of being funny. >> can't wait to have kids. i have to catch up. >>> finally, get fired up. because tonight is the dramatic season finale of "the bachelorette." will kaitlnyyn find true love can nick or shawn? >> my mom knows. if she doesn't approve of a guy, i can't be with him. >> i'm very surprised to see you. we saw this i don't want to use the word arrogant. but who are you? >> got to find out who wins her heart in the final rose ceremony tonight. 8:00 p.m. eastern, 7:00 p.m. central. stick around for the epic bachelor bachelorette reeunion. >> quite a handful. >> you're all loo

. >>> and happy birthday to jim gaffigan. i think he's having a hot pocket.n broker chris hill stays at laquinta and fires up free wi-fi, with a network that's now up to 5 times faster than before you know what he can do? let's see if he's ready. he can swim with the sharks! book your next stay at lq.com! you owned your car for four you named it brad. you loved brad. and then you totaled him. you two had been through everything together. two boyfriends. three jobs. you're like "nothing can replace brad!" then liberty mutual calls. and you break into your happy dance. if you sign up for better car replacement, we'll pay for a car that's a model year newer with 15,000 fewer miles than your old one. see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. food should be good. strawberries should sing. lettuce should be dirty. dressing, clean. debates should be healthy. hatchets buried. tables should be full. and good food should be good for you. we're not saying these are the rules we should all live by. but it's a good place to start. panera. food as i