>> jimmy: wow.a way -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- yes. >> jimmy: but this is like, fascinating. wait. i want to do it again. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is delicious. >> isn't that great? >> jimmy: i'll tell you, it's just like a gourmet -- whatever this thing is. >> it's fantastic. >> jimmy: is that a ding dong? >> it could be. i mean -- it's not my ding dong, but -- [ laughter ] >> i made you eat a ding dong. in front of the whole country! >> jimmy: on national tv? >> that's right. is this the first ding dong you've ever had? >> jimmy: i've had them before. i had them in college. [ laughter and applause ] >> now, they also -- >> jimmy: summer camp. >> do the yodel. they also do a yodel. their rendition of a yodel, but, you know, i brought some to my band. >> jimmy: oh yeah. come on. you've got to pay the roots off. >> can i go give it to them? >> jimmy: absolutely, absolutely. >> come on. >> jimmy: they deserve it. they're the greatest. you're so nice to do this. >> well -- >> jimmy: thank you

jimmy loves you.nt screamer. they're one of the largest north american cats. >> jimmy: how strong is that leash? [ light laughter ] >> pretty strong. i was using it for my grandma's poodle last week, and it worked out fine. >> jimmy: no, see. that's what i'm talking about. >> so we decided to bring it for the cougar. >> jimmy: so wait, nala was here two years ago. >> yeah. she was. >> jimmy: we have a full screen of this. look at this. [ audience aws ] >> now, she's back on the "jimmy fallon" show bigger and cuter. and ready to eat you. now -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no hell, this is two years and, i mean, she's tall. she wants to play with you, right? >> yeah. it's just playing. she's fully clawed. she has all her teeth. i don't declaw. i don't remove teeth. however they're born, that's how they stay. now, yes, this is one of those big cat toys. so, she's going to rip it. she's sharpening her claws for you. >> jimmy: yeah, i know she is. >> she's awesome. >> jimmy: she doesn't remember me. >> beautifu

>> jimmy: doing good. right? is that what you're doing? [ laughter ] congratulations on that. >> after that, i'm doing a planter's peanut commercial. it's a whole thing. yeah. >> jimmy: mr. peanut. that's a hard gig to get. >> exactly. >> jimmy: everyone's after that. how are you? you're going to the royal wedding. that is a giant nbc thing. >> it's not only an nbc thing, jim. it's a giant thing around the world. >> jimmy: the world. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> do you believe how much coverage we're dedicating to this? >> jimmy: it's insane. >> friday morning, we'll be on the air for seven hours in london. >> jimmy: they're pushing our show further back. >> i know. >> like, we air, like 3:00 in the morning. >> my soup maker -- >> jimmy: you look great, by the way. >> -- has ingeniously created a catheter inside -- >> jimmy: no. come on. no, no, no. >> seriously, i can't move for seven hours. >> jimmy: i mean, insane. how is it going to work? >> hold on. >> jimmy: yeah. no, no! [ laughter ] you got to calm down. t

okay. >> jimmy: let's look at the clip. ♪ >> jimmy: [ steve as jimmy ] hello.] and with me tonight is cameron diaz. >> [ miles as cameron ] hello, jerry. i am so happy to b-b-b-b-be here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cameron, dear, what is your favorite food? >> well, i have to say i love beans. [ laughter ] but sometimes they make me toot. [ laughter ] unless i concentrate real hard, like this. [ fart ] >> jimmy: that's crazy. oh, my god, i'm going to sneeze. i'm going to sneeze. hold on -- [ farts ] false alarm. [ laughter ] >> oh, my, did you just have some beans? >> no. it's sad. i didn't, i'm allergic. but, i have a present for you. it's in my pocket. [ laughter ] in my pocket. let me stand up. i'll get it for you. it's in my pocket. >> i can't wait to see -- >> jimmy: other pocket, other pocket. >> -- what it is. >> jimmy: there it is. it's a roll of dimes. oh, wait. that's not a roll of dimes. [ laughter ] i'm sorry. i'd best be sitting down. >> you know, i am so thirsty, that i really want to take a sip out of this mug. here i go! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that

back to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. for blake griffin, it will only be very embarrassing for a very long time. thank you, blake. thank you, ricardo. back to you, marv. >> well, there you have it, america. another impressive victory by ricardo. for "jimmy kimmel live" game night, i'm marv albert, and i'm going home. >> jimmy: all right, well, that's all the time we have. my thanks to mike tyson, blake griffin, marv albert, zack, mary, and ricardo the busboy. thank you for watching. our next "game night" special is thursday night, before or after game two of the nba finals, depending on your time zone. join us later tonight at our regular time for a new show with carson daly, flavor flav, and music from i see stars. thanks for watching. good night.

jimmy: lasik. >> oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> contact lenses. >> jimmy: what's up?'s tied. no, i'm winning by what? oh, i hit it again. >> hit it again. >> jimmy: oh, sorry, everybody. >> turn it around. [ laughter ] there you go. >> didn't have to do that. you could have just taken another hit. >> jimmy: oh, i just take another hit of the nail. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sorry. we'll edit this all out and act like i know what i'm talking about. we've been drinking. [ cheers and applause ] >> i mean -- >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> -- to just do that -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- is sort of what he did, right? that's not -- well, because -- never mind. >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> again? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: "wilfred" premieres tomorrow at 10 p.m. on fx. the great elijah wood,

. >> jimmy: yeah. this guy? >> that guy is actually that size. >> jimmy: it is his size? >> it is his size. yeah. >> jimmy: i just didn't know if it was bigger or smaller. >> no, this is it. this is the size. >> jimmy: could be that way, too. could be that way. >> could be anyway you can make. >> jimmy: could be like pacman. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wocka, wocka, wocka, wocka, wocka. [ laughter ] >> exactly. >> jimmy: this is pretty cool. >> so, they have like blues and reds in the blacks. you can't really tell, but there's actually blues in that black, as well. i mean, this is something i learned when i was there. >> jimmy: yeah. this one i can kind of see different colors in this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: am i crazy? >> that's got blues in it, too. no, you're not. >> jimmy: yeah, there are different colors. >> a little bit crazy could be good crazy. >> jimmy: yeah. but the same with the blue. i see blues in there. >> it's got blues and you can add, like, reds to make it -- >> jimmy: if anyone at with a high-def

>> thanks for having me, jimmy. >> jimmy: i love it.ow where zakk wylde and kathie lee gifford are on the same show. where else can this happen. this is fantastic. you guys are touring together, aren't you? >> yes, we are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's awesome. we got a big show tonight, you know her, you love her, from the today show, the one, the only, kathie lee gifford is here. [ cheers and applause ] she is so much fun. also on the show, he played hannah montana's big brother, jason earles is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] he's a talented dude. we'll find out about his new tv show called "kickin' it." and music from the great scottish band, mogwai, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] they're awesome. it's going to be a fun, fun show. hey, you guys, real quick, i just wanted to address this so-called emmy feud between me and my best friend for six months, stephen colbert. [ laughter ] host of comedy central's "the colbert report." every year, networks send out dvds and photos to promote their shows for their emmy consideration.

>> jimmy: whatever. >> what? >> jimmy: whatever. right?ght. >> jimmy: all right, you guys, here we go. ready? here we go. >> i'm a professional actor, by the way. >> jimmy: i know. but -- have you ever played charades? >> yes. >> i -- >> jimmy: no. that's why this is gonna be fun. all right, here's how we play. each player gets a turn giving clues to their teammate. 45 seconds on the clock per turn. two first rounds -- the first two rounds, sorry, are worth one point each, okay? the third round is a charades showdown. [ audience ohs ] where each team will get the same clue to give at the same time. >> oh. >> jimmy: whoever guesses the correct answer first gets two points. may the best team win. ellen, you are our guest so please, you go first. >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right, come on, pal. >> i pick any number? >> jimmy: yeah. ask the audience to help you out. [ screaming ] just one audience member helped out? [ laughter ] ridiculous. all right. you can put the -- you can put the clue in there, if you want to. if you need both hands. >>

thank you. >> hey jimmy, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy! >> jimmy: what's up?hout-outs. can i do one? >> jimmy: uh -- yeah sure quest go ahead. >> alight. great. yo, let me get some shout-out music. ♪ alight. i want to give a shout-out to the fourth of july -- because the roots are headlining the philadelphia welcome america celebration. [ cheers and applause ] plus, plus, plus -- i'm djing that weekend on the fourth of july in philadelphia. so, i don't want none of y'all to miss it. so -- >> jimmy: alright. good. very good. [ cheers and applause ] it will be a nice time. that's -- that's great. thank you. >> yeah, whatever, man. let me give one of those shout-outs, there man. >> all right -- kamal go ahead. >> yeah, shout-out to "fruit by the foot." [ laughter ] yeah. or as i like to call it f by the f. [ laughter ] you ain't lived until you had these sweet ass beats of fruity treats flattened between your gums, son. [ laughter ] because everybody knows real fruit is disgusting. [ laughter ] get them -- berries out of here, "fruit by the foot" baby. eat six se

and now, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy and welcome to our "game night" special. this is where it all happens, or at least some of it happens. i guess if it all happened here, we'd be dead, but never the less, tonight, game four of the nba finals from dallas between the mavericks and the heat. the heat hung on to win game three on the road, which gives them a big advantage from a historical perspective. since the new playoff format was introduced in 1985, the team that went up 2-1 in game three has won the title 11 times and lost none times. which i think is no times. but fans in dallas aren't giving up hope. after the mavericks fell on sunday, assured local news cameras that a comeback is on the way. here they are. filing out. >> we ain't through with them -- we going to get them. mavericks going to take this in seven. i'll put my house on it. >> you got a house to put on it? >> yeah. >> i got a house. >> okay. i'll put my house on it. >> jimmy: okay. his friend's house was unavailable, so he, again put his house -- "daddy, tell us again why w

, too. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: love it. >> jimmy: listen to this.awmakers here in new york have proposed a new program to teach teenagers about the dangers of sexting. seriously. how about a program to teach new york lawmakers about the dangers of sexting. mr. weiner? [ laughter ] >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "teach me?!" some sports news, there are reports that if the lockout continues the nfl may shorten its season to eight games. or as the detroit lions will put it, "hey, we only lost eight games this year!" [ laughter ] i love detroit. and finally, i read that president obama's approval rating among college students is down 10 points since 2008. of course, if he wants to get it up, he should talk to anthony weiner. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! hey, guys, just want to say "thank you notes" is available right now. it's the number two "new york times" best-seller right now! [ cheers and applause ] ta

she's more famous than everyone in this room, combined. >> jimmy: wow. ♪ jimmy >> jimmy: wow.we can't tell you who it was but someone famous chewed on it. uh-oh. [ laughter ] you won a chewed pen cap. >> higgins: whoa! ♪ you've won a chewed pen cap. who chewed it? we can't say. but what we can say is you know her work very well. she's one of the most famous people on the planet. want proof? she's more famous than everyone in this room, combined. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy, back to you. we're going to have to split that in half. >> jimmy: we won't have to split that one in half. would you like to turn in your present for one other prize? >> sure. >> jimmy: why don't you take home that snacket. yeah. >> oh. ♪ you've won the snacket, the world's first 100% edible jacket. out on the town and have yourself craving a snack? well, you're wearing this delicious edible jacket by food body. you won't have to look very far. just take a few bites out of your sleeve and keep on trucking. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: start eating your snacket right now. it's really delish. pretty good, rig

>> jimmy: which band? >> not yet. >> jimmy: okay, good. all right, good.ow -- [ laughter ] "oh terry." give it up for lelia broussard! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ terry likes to work on her physique and go then to the beach ♪ terry was teased by her siblings and the worst one was bill ♪ ♪ she likes to fine dine on italian but she hates brussel sprouts and spinach ♪ ♪ oh, terry in the year 3,000 they'll erect a giant statute of terry ♪ ♪ -- giant but it won't be perfect it won't be perfect no not like terry ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, beautiful, nice! that was great. lelia broussard. come on over, all you guys! that was really good. i learned -- i learned a lot about you. >> oh, i could tell. >> jimmy: you do not like brussels sprouts and spinach apparently. [ light laughter ] >> hate it, yeah. >> jimmy: you don't like either one? >> no. >> jimmy: don't like your greens? >> no, not too much. >> jimmy: okay. what did you think of the first song, dec? >> the first song? >> dec -- it's short for decent. [ laughter ] don't want to waste my time finish

>> mike. >> jimmy: mike? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> colorado. >> jimmy: very good.pper? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: a lot of experience in the area? >> yes. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i monitor a website. >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> i make sure people don't cuss, basically. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're a sensor? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't look like one. >> i am. >> jimmy: well, great. we're going to kind of bring you back and we're going to get you out of those clothes and into a pool, all right mike? >> sounds good. >> jimmy: all right, so, send him through, cousin sal. plus place [ applause ] who else do we have out here? >> you're going to love the look of this guy. >> jimmy: that's not a guy. what's the plan? are you both -- you both belly flop for us? >> yeah. we're going together. >> jimmy: you're going to have to share a bah key tee. where are you from? >> cincinnati. >> jimmy: here on vacation? >> yeah. >> jimmy: very happy to have you here. oh, there goes mike. all right, stephanie and katie, you guys come through, also, and

jimmy: "30 rock," season finale. >> yeah. >> jimmy: tonight. >> it was tonight. >> jimmy: yeah. >> how enjoyed it. 100 shows. >> 100 shows. [ cheers and applause ] thanks. >> jimmy: that's a big -- that's a milestone. >> that's big milestone. then by the end actually, this was like 102. it's so funny, because the thing is that after 102 shows, it is like a little off the rails. we just kind of -- we're in that phase. like, you know on sitcoms where people are like -- "and then my character's going to sing." like, we just do whatever we want. >> jimmy: making up crazy plots. >> yeah. we're gonna go to france. >> jimmy: when do you bring in -- like, the oliver? >> yeah, we need to adopt a little black kid. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you have to adopt a little black child and then jump the shark. >> but we did -- actually, our show actually takes place on the back of a shark, so we can't really -- >> jimmy: you can't ever -- >> we never jump the shark. >> jimmy: you're with the shark. >> we've been on the shark from the beginning. but we did start -- we started using -- because we

>> jimmy: oh. >> oprah, jimmy! like nothing happened because it did happen and she's gone! >> jimmy: you know, it's so painful i think i blocked it out is what happened. >> well, i'm sorry, we're going to have to have a recovered memory. because that whole extravaganza which i would liken to a combo of the super bowl and the academy awards except way better was such an amazing. >> jimmy: her farewell week? you have to throw some of michael jackson's funeral in there too because it was really like a lot of -- >> oh, we'll go there, we're not afraid to go there. absolutely. and then of course the last day was just a sermon. just a sermon with her and that salmon dress with some draping off to the side and giving a shout out to the lord. it was ridiculous. and i'm not having all the praise for one more second. now, i will say it isn't just me because i wisely watched the two, like, star-studded extravaganza good nights with my 90-year-old alcoholic mother, who's here tonight -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, yo

>> jimmy: yeah. >> b-o-e-h-n-e-r. >> jimmy: oh, yeah.yeah. >> he answers to that. >> jimmy: does he really? [ light laughter ] >> uh-huh. all sorts of rumors about him, too. >> jimmy: no. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: no!? >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> for a long time. for a long time. >> jimmy: really? >> oh, yeah. just the ordinary stuff but they may not be art, as they say. >> jimmy: yeah, you need to have -- oh, really? >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: that's interesting. >> oh, yeah. widespread for a long time. >> how long do you think until anthony weiner gets his own show on cnn? [ light laughter ] >> well, you know, i've got a 9:00 show that i'm probably going to hire somebody for on current. >> jimmy: on current tv, yeah. would you -- would you hire -- would you hire anthony weiner? >> eliot spitzer is doing okay on cnn at 8:00. >> jimmy: this is very interesting right now. now, keith olbermann, you are doing a thing that's very interesting. you are on current tv now. >> yes. >> jimmy: first of all, where is that on the network? on t

>> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. a guy like me -- justin timberlake ends up having love scenes with people like that all the time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm usually the guy who's wearing, like, spock ears or like a onesie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a onesie. >> it turns out i don't have a sex scene with cameron diaz. >> jimmy: you don't. >> no, she seduces me. basically it goes horribly awry, and then i have a sort of sex scene with a copy machine. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is -- >> so she's not even there when we film this part. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's just you -- >> it's just me naked with a bunch of big surly teamsters around -- >> jimmy: filming a movie. >> -- like looking at me. >> jimmy: and you're like, i swear cameron was in the script. she was in the script when i signed on to do this. >> it's like, go, have a good time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have a good time. >> have a good time. do your naked funny thing that you're going to do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but, here. we have --

>> jimmy: oh, of course.iss usa pageant or the cast of next season's "celebrity rehab?" because it's starting to -- 21-year-old alisa from here in california won miss usa. so in your face, uglier states. [ applause ] she will now go on to compete in the miss universe competition. her runner-up miss tennessee will go on to marry an orthodontist so congratulations. meanwhile, miss alaska, bristol palin, is back in the news. she's releasing a memoir tomorrow called "not afraid of life, my journey so far." she told the story how she lost her virginity. she lost it on a hike while drinking wine coolers? wine coolers? 1988? bristol and her boyfriend were on a camp trip, drunk on wine coolers. when she woke up in the morning, she said she didn't remember a thing. it's like something out of a fairy tale. they really are america's royal couple. let's check in with the roof. there you are, andrew. she did not splatter your beautiful bald head. she was unable to hit you. but do you believe you will be able to hit her? >

. >> jimmy: a month? >> yeah. >> jimmy: good lord. >> it was pretty fun. it was good. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i don't know if that would be fun for me. then you have this. look at this. this is a dvd with a little extras called "high maintenance," miranda cosgrove, and what's cool with this, you do a song with rivers cuomo? >> yeah. >> jimmy: from weezer? >> i love weezer. i was freaking out when i got to do a song with him. >> jimmy: how did that come around about? >> you know, i'm actually friends with the producer doctor luke who's worked with him a lot. he introduced me -- >> jimmy: luke that used to play the guitar on "saturday night live?" >> yeah. so he introduced me, and then i got to do a song with him. >> jimmy: that's awesome. i'm so excited. can't wait to hear it. i want to hear the song. you are on tour now? >> i'm getting ready to go on tour. >> jimmy: a tour bus? >> yes. i didn't get the unicorn with the segue on the side. >> jimmy: i thought that was a great idea. i said airbrush, a unicorn riding a segue. you didn't get that? >> no, i didn'

>> jimmy: six? >> six? >> jimmy: 9-6.rs and applause ] m♪ ♪ ♪ do...just two simple letters. but a million and one imperatives. do. is a challenge. the expectation of greatness. which is why we don't just make technology we make do machines. super powered creation engines, that make things happen. lenovo. for those who do. we make it sizzle and snap. and now so can you. ♪ ignite the night with p.f. chang's home menu. the boldest flavors in the freezer aisle. you get so hooked on feeling fresh, you'll want to pass it on to a friend. ♪ visit getfreshwithafriend.com. ♪ tell a friend about fresh and you'll both get a cottonelle fresh reward. so fresh is always at your fingertips. ♪ so go on, get fresh with a friend. [ male announcer ] new toothbrush, for that killer smile: $4. ♪ home cooked meal: $28. [ beep ] ♪ first date finest: $33. [ beep ] ♪ having time on your side: priceless. mastercard pay pass. bringing you the most convenient ways to pay. learn more at mastercard.com/paypass. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our n

>> jimmy: yeah.you, but -- no. i don't think you do. i think this is just -- i don't know what friday the 13th is, actually. it's just a -- [ laughter ] >> well -- i -- i don't know where i heard that. >> jimmy: a little -- >> it's just a little -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my gosh. [ applause ] >> yeah. i normally don't say how much i spend on people, but that was $75,000. >> jimmy: and i can't believe -- >> i'm so embarrassed. >> jimmy: -- you would you get this for me. >> there's loose diamonds in the top. you can you see them kind of moving around. isn't that gorgeous? >> jimmy: i mean, i don't know how i can accept this, but i thank you so much for this. >> you're welcome. i bought, like, ten of those today. i'm so -- >> jimmy: you spent $750,000? >> yes, cause i thought -- someone told me -- i don't know. forget it. this is -- >> jimmy: no. i mean -- >> friday the 13th. it's like -- >> jimmy: no. you got all excited. it's not like a holiday. >> no? okay, well now i know. now i know. now i have to

>> jimmy: was that your tooth? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was your tooth?th. >> jimmy: it's like chalk or something? it doesn't remotely taste like gum. gosh, interesting. thank you. [ laughter ] >> yeah, okay. so, who do -- who do you got? >> jimmy: i'm putting these on ebay. >> oh! oh! >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> i got orel hershiser, who was the reigning cy young award winner in 1989. >> jimmy: i love orel hershiser. >> good ole orel hershiser, right there. >> i have willie mcgee. >> oh, of the st. louis cardinals. >> jimmy: yeah, i like willie mcgee a lot. >> i got matt nokes of the tigers here. >> jimmy: i've got nokes. >> you've got nokes? >> jimmy: no. [ light laughter ] >> wait a minute. how the heck did chris carpenter get in here in 1989? chris carpenter's still pitching for cardinals. >> jimmy: i -- i didn't rig the pack. >> this is some kind of bogus pack. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ebay. >> cecilio guante. >> jimmy: okay. who do you got? >> mark gubicza. gary -- >> jimmy: let me know when you get a checklist. >> yeah, the checklist -- >> ji

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon."hat's a crowd right there. that's a great crowd. all right, a new york city crowd -- welcome, you guys. well, huge news -- it looks like congress just lost its weiner. [ laughter ] that's right. after two weeks of scandal, anthony weiner announced today that he is resigning from congress. that's right, one second he's in, the next he's out, typical weiner -- [ laughter ] typical weiner. [ laughter ] anthony weiner announced that he was stepping down at a press conference this afternoon. it wasn't good. in fact, the worst part was when he started to call on reporters without using his hands. that was -- he was like, "yes, what were you saying? [ laughter ] 'washington post,' back there, yes?" hey, congratulations to the boston bruins who won the stanley cup last night! [ cheers and applause ] it was crazy, though -- it was crazy. after the bruins beat the canucks, angry vancouver fans reacted by looting stores and setting fires. meanwhile, happy boston fans reacted by looting stores and

>> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: something you invented yourself? >> yes. >> jimmy: what is that product?> tequila. >> jimmy: what kind? >> my family creates that. >> jimmy: with vitamins in it? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's a great idea. >> it's good. >> jimmy: all right. here now is guillermo on the red carpet at the mtv movie awards. ♪ >> hi, it's me, guillermo, i'm here at the mtv movie awards, brought to you by tequila. pass out drunk, wake up healthy. you guys want to do some tequila with me? >> yes. >> it's a vitamin tequila. >> vitamin tequila. >> i show you the bottle, look, look, vitamin tequila. >> someone behind me said, is it safe? >> it's safe. always safe. >> cheers. >> cheers, man. >> oh. >> tequila preferred by foo fighters. >> that's good. >> i like the way you move. >> thank you. >> and you smell like candles. >> thank you. >> when was the last famous person you ever had sex with. >> am i famous? >> you are. >> i might have had sex with myself just before i got on this carpet. >> all right. i don't want to shake your hand. >> it's cool, dude. >> jimmy kimmel saw my penis. >> o

jimmy? >> jimmy: where are you?e're waiting on you to start the show. >> sorry, i am too busy enjoying the "jimmy kimmel live" app to talk right now. good-bye. [ laughter ] ay yi yi. jimmy worries too much. doesn't he realize that whether i am here. or here. or here. the show is always with me on my ipad, iphone and ipod touch. thanks to "jkl" app. i can watch video from the show anywhere, on the go, and i can read jimmy's hilarious personal tweets. [ laughter ] boy, that jimmy sure is a great guy. i wonder what he's doing now. ♪ jimmy, i told you i am busy! good-bye! jimmy needs to get a life. what a loser. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app -- available exclusively at the apple app store. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with tim tebow, music from matt nathanson and molly shannon. [ male announcer ] this june, the chipotle chicken and cheese is the next featured $5 footlong of the month. tender chicken, melty cheese, red onions and rich, smoky chipotle southwest sauce. it joins our many $5 f

>> everything's good. >> jimmy: family's okay? >> no. >> jimmy: no?'s good. >> jimmy: what have you been up to? >> i got to tell you, jimmy. i used to poo poo this a lot, but i started meditating. i've been stressed out. and it worked for awhile, but now it's become worrying. i start meditating and i start worrying about stuff. probably because of my mantra. my mantra is "oh no." >> jimmy: yeah, that's probably it. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: what do have to be worried about? >> that's a good yequestion. i was worried about the rapture for awhile, like a lot of people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you bought billboards in our neighborhood, which surprised me. >> but you know, what? two days before it was supposed to it, i knew it wasn't happening, because i know australia is two days ahead of us. i made a random call to australia and they were fine. i just called somebody, the refrigerator was running and prince albert was in a can, so cool. it was cool. >> jimmy: that is a relief. >> i worry about all kinds of things. i have a kid, too. i have a 4-year-old. >> ji

you get it, jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah, i do get it. >> the bud light ufc battle on the bayou. go to facebook.com/bud light for details on how you can win. jimmy kimmel live back in two minutes with wanda sykes, the bachelorette ashley, and foster the people. mr. jones. would you mind if i paid you in gum? that's trident layers. the gum with layers of flavors. [ excited ] of course you can pay me in gum! no one ever pays me in gum. [ male announcer ] layers and layers and layers of flavor. trident layers. i know, right! ♪ what happens now? [ male announcer now, go to subway for a taste of avocado and play the grab the green sweepstakes. you could win $100,000! subway. where winners eat. ♪ i belong ♪ to all that i've been through ♪ ♪ i've been through, i've been through ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] with the goodness of fresh-picked tea leaves, water, and sunshine. new 100% natural lipton iced tea. you are what you tea. lipton -- drink positive. >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- wanda sykes. "the bachelorette," ashley hebert. and music from foster the people.

jimmy kimmel!ers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i'm a little bit under the weather tonight. you know how you get a cold, the first thing you do is find someone to blame it on, decide who gave it to you, though you have no way of really knowing that for sure, and then you hate them quietly? well, i think i got this cold from someone in our studio audience. i probably shook somebody's hand last week. so, tonight, i'm going to give it back to our studio audience. how should we do this? do you want to be licked, or -- i think i'll work up a huge sneeze to spray as many of you as possible and then maybe you will learn not to make my sick anymore. sometimes i have to get tough. i'll do that later. i want to wish everyone a happy flag day. today was flag day. flag day is -- i think flag day is the only holiday where we don't get drunk to celebrate. flag day, of course, commemorates the adoption of the flag by the united stat

♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you, cleto.hanks for watching. thanks for being here. it's a pleasure to have you. as you probably know, we talked about a little bit before the program, last night, the dallas mavericks beat the miami heat to win their first nba title. [ applause ] >> jimmy: from dallas or just hate lebron james? i didn't see the game. i got very wrapped up in the tonys. you know, the tony awards were on opposite the finals last night. did you see what abc sports did to keep musical fans around? >> now, your miami heat! he plays power forward and champion fiddler on the roof, number one, the diva herself chris bosh. shooting guard as well as a jazz, tap and ballet, the amazing dwyane wade. >> jimmy: i blame "glee" for this kind of thing. it's the first time the games were broadcast in 3-d. it's an amazing technology. it was like lebron was choking in my living room. i think we could stop with the technological advances. 3-d is enough. these are the dallas mavericks. no one needs to see dirk nowitzki in higher de

and now here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: he's right. here i am. behind my desk and welcome to our "game night" special, tonight game three of the nba finals between the dallas mavericks and the miami heat from the american airlines center in dallas where the mavericks play, which is not to be confused with the american airlines arena in miami where the heat play. unbelievable, this american airlines have two arenas, we can't get one bag of peanuts out of them. the mavericks are happy to be at home. yeah, home court advantage is a funny thing. ultimately you're playing the same game. the court is the same, the baskets are the same but you do get an edge because you're more comfortable at home. you get to sleep in your own bed, the fans are rooting for you. even the announcers in the arena, when you're at home, you get a big introduction but when you're on the road, for instance -- well, this is how lebron james gets introduced in dallas. >> at forward for the miami heat, a man who stomped on the hearts of millions in cleveland for his own personal

>> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] >> danny tenson. >> jimmy: danny tenson, yeah. >> jimmy: now -- oh, thiswe's character wants to get rid of the beef burger in the cafeteria. and ron, of course, takes great exception to that. and chris traeger, his character, says, "well, ron, have you ever tried a turkey burger?" and ron says, "is that deep fried turkey leg inside a beef burger? if so, yes. delicious." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is not what a turkey burger is though. >> well -- let the audience be the judge of that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyone agrees with me. that is not what a turkey burger is. >> well -- so, somebody online at eater.com -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. the great food blog. >> -- made this turkey burger, the ron swanson turkey burger. >> jimmy: they put a turkey leg in a burger -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: -- and made an actual giant burger. and so, you did it backstage tonight. >> i did. i showed up early to prepare the ron swanson turkey burger for everybody to see. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: well, we actually -- we have one here. would you like to try it? >> sure, yeah. i'll ta