"jimmy fallon" happening right now! jimmy, take it!rom studio 6b in rockefeller center, captions paid for by and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. thank you very, very much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. i appreciate it. what a great new york city crowd right here. welcome, everybody. we're going to have a fun show tonight. you guys, this is very interesting. the white house just revealed that it brews its own beer, and president obama drinks it when he goes out campaigning. [ laughter ] and even more of it when joe biden goes out campaigning. [ laughter ] speaking of obama, his campaign also released a new ad featuring celebrity djs called "djs for obama." [ laughter ] yeah, because when voters are trying to decide their position on the fiscal budget, health care, war in afghanistan, their first thought is "what does dj

>> nothing. >> jimmy: you did nothing. >> sleep. >> jimmy: sleep? yeah, yeah, okay.omewhere on your list under slp. [ laughter ] guys, we have valentina. she is from venezuela. and the best thing she has done, besides come to our show, is she slept. [ laughter ] guys, for this first song, can you do like an old school rap? kind of like a sugar hill gang type of thing? ♪ ♪ well it's the king of the groove the ladies choose ♪ ♪ to move from your body down to your shoes ♪ ♪ like my girl valentina hearing the bass yo, venezuela is up in the places ♪ ♪ when it comes to fun in the summer sun we ask how things she just says none ♪ ♪ besides coming out -- the legendary roots crew -- sleep ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going to scoot through here, if you don't mind? thank you, sorry. excuse me. oh, please, don't get up. thank you. [ laughter ] hey, how you doing buddy? how's it going? oh, excuse. sorry about that. i'm just going to cut through. how you guys doing? doing well? oops, geez. all right -- you got long legs. sorry buddy. how you doing? hey. slim shady,

but jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy!eve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: hey! how are you guys doing? thank you. i feel the love. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. hey, here's some -- here's some election news. election news. yeah, i read that one of the presidential debates, this fall, will have a town hall format where citizens will ask the candidates questions. the most common question, are you the only two choices? [ laughter ] that's right. at the second presidential debate, citizens will get to ask questions. or as ron paul put it, all right i finally get to talk in a debate. this is fantastic! [ light laughter ] some more political news. new jersey governor chris christie said he will think about running fo

but jimmy fallon's happening right now! jimmy, take it!eve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome. thank you for coming out tonight. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. we got a big show tonight. it's going to be super fun. here's some political news, you guys. a new survey predicts that women and the elderly are more likely to vote in the presidential election. which explains the new front runner, michael buble. [ laughter ] ♪ read my lips there'll be no new taxes ♪ [ laughter ] check this out -- new research shows that angelina jolie and hillary clinton are actually ninth cousins twice removed. [ laughter ] or as one guy put it -- [ voice of bill clinton ] "i think it's time for a family reunion." [ laughter ] [ che

but, jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy, take it!e: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national badcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. what a great new york city crowd right there. thank you guys, for being here. thank you for watching. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. hey, here is some political news. you guys, cnn plans to air a 90 minute documentary on mitt romney before the republican national convention. yeah, 90 minutes of mitt romney. [ laughter ] even red bull is like, "this is out of my league, bro." i can't help ya. i can only do so much. speaking of the campaign, i read that president obama's supporters can now text the word "give" to donate up to $50 to his campaign. though it's frustrating when autocorrect keeps changing it to, "fix the economy."

oh, okay. >> jimmy. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi. how are you doing?> get ready to be hilarious. >> jimmy: okay. >> get ready to take a giant sit. >> jimmy: okay. >> sit is like a -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i got that. >> like a giant -- >> jimmy: yes, i got it. it was good. have that it? what else do you have? >> no, no, we have a million of them. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> you want a lightning round? >> jimmy: yeah, i'd love a lightning round. >> okay. >> 30 second timer. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> okay, and -- let's go! >> if you watch "oh sit", yget a -- >> jimmy: a site? >> my problem, i'm sorry. >> sit or get off the pot. >> i have one. >> jimmy: that's good. >> sit happens. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and -- sit is going to hit the fan. >> i don't give a sit. >> not the same old sit. >> jimmy: that's good. okay. great. >> jimmy: there's a lot of these, huh? >> sit just got real. >> jimmy: oh. >> 30 seconds -- >> jimmy: it seemed like longer, but i guess -- >> i have one more. [ applause ] >> jimmy: is that it? >> that's sit. >> jimmy: oh, that's sit. thank y

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right. hi, i'm jimmy.oming. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for braving -- seems to be here tonight. i know it's very hot outside. today is a terrible day to be a dog walker. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know. probably every day is a terrible day to be a dog walker. even though it's still the middle of august today was the first day of school for most public school students here in l.a. are kids still spelling the word "boobs" upside down on the clarity? [ laughter ] tens of thousands of p.e. students were forced to shower as a group for the very first time. i think it's important for you to know that's about as traumatic as it gets. i still use the beginning of the school year to buy nice a new lunch box. the national retail foundation estimates that the average american family will spend $688 on back-to-school shopping this year. i love hearing this, my family spent an average of -- what it did a trapper keeper cost? two bus?ck as far as i know neither of my parents would even pur

jimmy kimmel is next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >> dicky: tonight on an all new "jimmy kimmel live" --? going from midnight to 11:35 might not seem like a big deal it's only 25 minutes. probably the most important 35 manipulates of my life since i had sex. >> dicky: gordon ramsay. >> jimmy: i like it when the [ male announcer ] since 1996 welfare recipients were required to work. this bipartisan reform successfully reduced welfare rolls on july 12th president obama quietly ended the work requirement... gutting welfare reform. one of the most respected newspapers in amica called it, "nuts!" saying, "if you want to gt more people to work, "you don't loosen the requirements -- you tighten them." mitt romney's plan for a stronger middle class will put work back iwelfare. [ romney ] i'm mitt romney and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight gordon ramsay, jordin sparks, and music from andy grammer. with cleto and the cletones. and now,

jimmy. >> jimmy: wow. congratulations.y carpet sample tonight. you are two losers. [ laughter ] and nobody goes home on "wheel of carpet samples" without -- empty handed here. higgins, tell them about tonight's consolation prize. >> steve: tonight's consolation prize is a $300 gift certificate to the apple store. this $300 gift certificate is valued at $300 and can be exchanged for $300 worth of merchandise at any apple store. jimmy. >> jimmy: higgins, you can use this gift certificate at any apple store, and it's worth $300. >> steve: sorry losers. >> jimmy: so sorry, so sorry. yeah. but you're the big winner tonight. you got leno's denim, you got the carpet sample that's not even really carpet. yeah. >> i'm happy with it. >> jimmy: oh, that's the attitude we like. you can have a gift certificate as well. there you go my man. ♪ congratulations. all right, you guys, we'll see you all next time on "wheel of carpet samples." we'll be right back with leslie mann! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ music playing ] [ music playing ] p

jimmy fallon is coming up right now. jimmy!steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: thank you very much. i feel the love. great new york city crowd. thank you guys so much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. here's some -- here's some big tv news. it's being reported that former new york giant michael strahan will replace regis philbin as kelly ripa's permanent co-host. yeah. [ cheers ] of course, it gets weird when you hear that regis is actually being traded to the giants. [ as regis ] hut, hut, hike! [ laughter ] everyone is talking about this. several pictures were leaked online that show a naked prince harry playing a game of truth billiards, or as that's also known, two balls, no pockets. [ laughter ] [ cheers and app

♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: matthew mcconaughey. >> jimmy, jimmy, jimmyto you. the movie is a giant hit. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "magic mike," you got married. >> got married. got another child on the way. >> jimmy: look at this. look at that guy. there is your beautiful bride. [ cheers and applause ] so, it was a three-day event? >> 72 hours, yeah. >> jimmy: why would you do that? >> it was her idea. camila said, "let's get everyone captive." let's build a village. make sure everyone gets on the property. and they can't leave for 72 hours. >> jimmy: and how many people were there? like all your relatives? >> 117 total. the house had 17. 100 were outside in tents. we had 40 tents. with acs hooked up to them. >> jimmy: you basically had bonnaroo for a wedding. >> it was a woodstock wedding. it was full on. >> jimmy: how did you keep people entertained? >> well that was the easy part. yeah, friday night we had sushi on the lawn. we had a bar open 72 hours. with a sign that said, "we will not deny anyone." [ laughter ] you know. at any time. >> jimmy: that's good

but jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy!eve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: i feel the love. i feel the love. thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." hey, here is some big political news. this week, senator john mccain said it would be wise for president obama to drop joe biden from the ticket. wait, john mccain is giving advice about choosing a running mate? [ laughter ] that's like donald trump giving advice about choosing a barber. [ laughter ] that's like -- [ cheers ] they guy's got good hair though. >> steve: he does. good head of hair. good head of hair -- >> jimmy: some more campaign news. the band silversun pickups is asking mitt romney to stop using their song "panic switch" while campaigning

jimmy!rom studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about! that's a great new york city crowd. i feel the love. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. thank you for being here. you guys, here's an election update. today, mitt romney and paul ryan attended a campaign rally at an apple orchard in michigan. of course, there was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were cutting their medicare. it was just -- [ laughter ] they didn't have to do it there. [ laughter ] some more political news. it's rumored that joe biden is seriously considering running for president in 2016. yeah, seriously -- which is interesting because voters' reaction to that was, "s

jimmy kimmel is up next. have a great weekend. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live," jessica biel. >> you act like you are into me. >> jimmy: i would would like see a mondaymentalist version of the bachelor. >> this week is unnecessary censorship. >> we need tax cuts. >> and music from rick ross. >> real housewives, we did it, we broke america. >> dicky: in hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- jessica biel. adam richman. and music from rick ross. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] immy: w. welcome. how you doing? thank you. hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming out to visit. welcome to california for those of you who are here out of town. it's thursday. it's the weekend is almost here which means another lindsay lohan car accident is upon us. she had another car accident. at this point, it would be more efficient if i told you when she didn't get into a car accident. she rear ended someone on sunset boulevard yesterday, whi

but jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy, take it!eve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! hey, you guys, thank you so much. welcome. welcome, everybody. thank you for being here tonight! welcome to "late night --" [ cheers and applause ] "-- with jimmy fallon," everybody. you guys, huge, huge news today for president obama. the supreme court voted 5 to 4 to uphold his health care law. [ cheers and applause ] wow, big day. obama actually had three different speeches prepared, depending on the decision. but in the end, he went with the one that made the most sense -- "suck it, romney." and -- [ laughter ] yeah, and it was reported that house minority leader nancy pelosi wore her lucky purple shoes to the supreme court's health care ruling while hou

but jimmy fallon is happening now. jimmy!ockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: feel that love. thank you, that's a great new york city crowd right there. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. what a fun show we got tonight. thank you for watching. thank you for tuning in. you guys, some major tv news. there is talk that nicki minaj will join mariah carey on the new season of "american idol." or as randy jackson put it "yeah, not the minaj i was hoping for." >> steve: that's right. >> jimmy: en francais. a big sports story, at the age of 50, roger clemens has signed on to play for a minor league team in texas. you can tell he's getting up there, today he tested positive for activia. >> jimmy: you guys, today is national senior citizens day. [ applau

he is 4, jimmy. >> jimmy: is hannah also a geni genius?wn right. >> jimmy: she says yes. >> now, a.j., what video game were you playing when your dad got stung? >> it's a game on the wii called kir kirby's return to dream land which i play a lot. >> jimmy: did you put it on padres before you helped your dad? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you finish that level? >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you asked for a gift or reward or anything? >> not really. >> jimmy: what it it you might want? can you think right now? >> well, maybe the world's video games. >> jimmy: that is a small price to play for your father's life. all the world's video games. and where did you learn the world hullabaloo. and you know e spanish, is that right? >> si. >> jimmy: guillermo would like to ask you a question. [ speaking foreign language ] >> uh. >> jimmy: was that that mean, g guillermo? >> if he liked peanut but interjelly. >> yeah, i do. >> jimmy: what do you want to be when you grow up? >> like channel 4, channel 7, there is a lot of choices. soy haven't decided yet. >> jimmy:

>> jimmy: yeah, combined. >> 54. >> jimmy: hannah and chelsea? >> 23. >> jimmy: 23? almost nothing.ven walk around? all right. all right, so, we're tied up at one apiece here. so, you guys stand by. we'll come back to you for the tiebreaker, all right? all right. 54 to 23. what could possibly -- we'll do a whole other hour after the show on the internet, explore that. later this year, our first guest's fake fangs will be plucked and placed in the vampire wing of the smithsonian when he says goodbye to the "twilight" franchise forever. but first, he stars as a morally bankrupt billionaire in david cronenberg's "cosmopolis," which is in limited release now. please welcome robert pattinson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's happening? [ cheers and applause ] tears are being shed. there's a real -- i have to say, there's -- all right, all right, calm down, you animals. [ cheers and applause ] >> my tongue keeps coming out of my mouth, when anyone screams, like the reaction -- >> jimmy: maybe you are trying to french kiss them all. [ cheers and applause ] it's weird when i came in

jimmy kimmel is up next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> if you are googling harry nude photos right now, make sure you spell hairy rigrry right. >> there was a line of women and i thought they were here for me. anna, what do you have? >> it's her bar that she keeps in her room. >> and from "pawn stars," rick and corey harrison. [ male announcer ] since 1996 welfare recipients were required to work. this bipartisan reform successfully reduced welfare rolls. on july 12th president obama quietly ended the work requirement... gutting welfare reform. one of the most respected newspapers in america called it, "nuts!" saying, "if you want to gt more people to work, "you don't loosen the requirements -- you tighten them." mitt romney's plan for a stronger middle class will put work back iwelfare. [ romney ] i'm mitt romney and i approve this message. >> jimmy: hi folks. jimmy kimmel here. ever wonder what celebrities are thinking? check out the random acts of fusion "celeb

>> jimmy: how long?a haircut? >> 1982. >> jimmy: you look like a character from fragilerock now. >> the last thing my uncle said was jeff, lose some weight and get a haircut. >> jimmy: this isle how you showed up at the roast. [ laughter ] now, there will be more growning but you're joe paterno there. or the ghost of joe paterno. now, you know joe paterno wasn't the guy with the little boys, right? >> hey, the "p" stands for people that can take a joke. >> jimmy: people did get upset with the joke. >> there's a lot of joe pa fans out there. but i believe comedians have a responsibility to shine a light on the dark side of the society. and i was going for it. >> jimmy: plus, it's funny. it's a roast. >> exactly. i thought roseanne represents unapologetic comedy. i let her boyfriend go soft on her. i'm not going soft on her. >> jimmy: some people like ellen barkin. you killed her. it was terrible. >> i think barken was the first thing she said when she was born. >> jimmy: it was bad. and then when she's si

and now, after all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy.oining us here on this -- [ cheers and applause ] -- warm summer night. all right. are you guys still on vacation? is it vacation week for many of you here? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are not on vacation. i guess we wouldn't be here if we were. in fact, we were off last week for the fourth of july. i'm happy to announce for the 44th fourth of july in a row, i still have all ten of my fingers. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is very funny. this went on in san diego. they have a big fireworks show there called the big babe boom. they do it every year. it's one of the biggest fire shows in the country. i guess they've been doing it since 2000. more than 500,000 people waited hours and hours to see it this year. unfortunately, it was over almost as quickly as it started. the fireworks, it was supposed to be choreographed and go through 18 minutes of music. instead, they all went off at once. [ fireworks ] >> jimmy: that will do it. the whole show lasted like 20 seconds. an

jimmy: okay. what do you keep looking at on the side there? >> well, at least i don't have to eat out of the trash can like that guy over there? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's going on over there? is there somebody eating out of the trash can? >> yeah. >> jimmy: spider-man is seeing things. thanks for talking to us. good luck out there. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: you know, he doesn't need muscles anymore. just done of those costumes. this is funny. from the news show in new zealand. dr. wayne hope, i don't know who he is, he's talking about rupert murdock's plan. he had trouble with the dismount. >> okay, doctor, thank you for coming in this morning. >> thank you very much. >> well, still to come, who's been sleeping out in the cold, to draw attention to homelessness in new zealand. the authorities having overreacted. now, it's time for sports making news this morning. >> jimmy: in new zealand, they let the guests leave in a counterclockwise fashion. [ applause ] >> jimmy: a ne

jimmy kimmel right here next. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel life -- >> it's not the rest of her life. the at least the summer olympics with. >> ben stiller. >> if you ever want to take it out, do like a 12-part ping-pong. >> and emily and >> dicky: from hollywood, it's jimmy kimmel live. tonight, ben stiller. bachelorette emily and jef. and music from the head and the heart. with cleto and the cletones. and now in person, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for visiting us. there's love in the air tonight. we welcome the woman formally known as the bachelorette, emily maynard and her new fiance jef. jef is here. and the man and emily has promised to spend if not the rest of their lives, at least the summer olympics with. [ laughter ] and last night was the finale. they immediately got engaged. somehow, abc managed to stretch that decision out for over two hours. i know not everyone has that much time to dedicate to that romance. we boiled it down to the key 30 s

jimmy? >> jimmy: thank you, higgins.all those balls off. you cannot use your hands. only hip thrusts and body gyrations. you think you can do this? >> i got this. >> jimmy: all right, very good. 15 seconds on the clock. audience, cheer him on. ready, set, shake your balls off. [ cheers ] ♪ shake your balls off shake shake your balls off shake shake your balls off shake shake your balls off ♪ ♪ shake shake shake shake shake shake shake shake your balls off shake shake your balls off ♪ [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] >> damn. [ laughter ] damn it. >> jimmy: yeah, you did not shake all of your balls off. it was a good effort. head over there. let's go see our last contestant. [ applause ] what's up, my man? how you doing my friend, all good? >> i'm good, thanks. >> jimmy: all right. thank you for -- you ready to do this? >> let's do it. >> jimmy: well good luck my friend. all right. initiate the board of insanity. all right. here's your gun. fi when ready. try to hit the board. [ drumroll ] >> i'll do my very best. [ bell dings ] >

> jimmy: did you?>> jimmy: so you did horseback riding and then you did hot air ballooning. >> yeah, we went up in a hot air balloon. about 5,000 feet in the air. >> jimmy: were you scared about this? >> no, i wasn't scared. i was bored out my mind a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because there's nothing to do. you're just up in the air. >> you're just up there. yeah, well this is the sky. [ laughter ] still here, just like i left it. >> jimmy: was it an exciting -- was it an exciting anniversary thing? >> was it exciting to land? yeah, i was very excited. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you were psyched. you go, i gotta get out of this basket. yeah, yeah, that's me. but that's good. have you -- did you buy her a big gift? >> yeah, i did. i got a -- i figured i could either get her roses, or i could just get her a rolls. so i got her a rolls royce. i got her -- >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> yeah. >> jimmy: rich. you got a rolls royce. >> yeah. >> jimmy: will you marry me? [ laughter ] that is pretty nice. >>

>> jimmy: that's what happened. >> wait, wasn't he a republican? >> jimmy: yeah.ail. >> i was on "family ties," did you know that? >> jimmy: were you really? >> yeah, i was bully number two. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who were you bullying? >> a deaf kid, actually. it's true. the main show was about how brian, the main kid, made friends with this kid who was deaf. he learned sign language and stuff. i was one of the two closed-minded bullies. who weren't willing to accept the deaf kid. >> jimmy: wow, that's quite a credit. >> well, got to start somewhere, jimmy. >> jimmy: i don't know if this is okay to talk to you about it but i'm dying to talk to you about it. your robin, the boy wonder. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are the boy wonder. >> i'm john blake, gotham city police department. >> jimmy: right now, sure. but we know there's a bird flying around in your name. >> it's pretty awesome, though, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's great. >> i was a fan of those movies before i ever met chris or did "inception." or ever thought i was going to get

>> ready. >> jimmy: biden. >> unscripted. >> jimmy: ryan. >> medicare-killer. >> jimmy: that's two wordse very quick. very quick. >> jimmy: trump. >> fired. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was quick. romney. >> which one? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's two words a well. very good. obama. >> two-term. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you are. there you go. democratic leader nancy pelosi. thank you for your 25 years of service. it's an honor to have you here. we'll be right back with joe jonas. there he is in the bud light platinum suite, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ whistle blows ] [ female announcer ] women are strong. not strong with an asterisk. not strong "but." strong. period. degree created an antiperspirant that's just as strong. degree clinical protection. up to three times the strength of a basic antiperspirant. nothing is more effective. because strong women sweat. degree clinical protection. unapologetically strong. [siri] sirianother busy day today.ke? are you serious? [siri] yes i'm not allowed to be frivolous. ah ok, move my 4 o'clock today to tomorrow. change my

jimmy kimmel right here next. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel life -- >> it's not the rest of her life. the at least the summer olympics with. >> ben stiller. >> if you ever want to take it out, do like a 12-part ping-pong. if you've been successful, you didn't get there on your own. if you've got a business, you didn't d ild that. somebody else made that happen. my father's hands didn't build this company. my hands didn't build this company. through hard work and a little bit of luck, we built this business. why are you demonizing us for it? it's time we had somebody who believes in us. someone who believes that achievement should be rewarded not punished. we need somebody who believes in america. [ romney ] i'm mitt romney and i approve this message. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's jimmy kimmel live. tonight, ben stiller. bachelorette emily and jef. and music from the head and the heart. with cleto and the cletones. and now in person, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming.

>> hi, jimmy. i'm rescuing you from man-emergency. >> jimmy: from what? >> a man-mergency. >> jimmy: it's okay, guillermo, a lot of men journal. >> no, jimmy, they don't. quick. eat this. this is slim jim smoky mes keat steakhouse strip. >> jimmy: what? >> slim jim smoky mesquite steakhouse strip. >> jimmy: close enough. it's so moist. >> and? >> jimmy: tender, too. >> act, no more journal again. >> jimmy: wow. thanks, guillermo. you really saved me. ow! what was that for? >> that was to make sure it doesn't never happen again. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> dicky: new moist and tender slim jim. they're steakier. buy them in two flavors. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with chef gordon ram sail. jordin sparks. and music from andy grammer. [ captain ] he's on a swan boat! gross! [ captain ] in extreme manmergencies, beef jerky won't cut it. we need to use something steakier. ♪ new slim jim steakhouse strips. ♪ get him in the boat, we're losing him! take it! ♪ it's so moist. and? tender. ow. [ male announcer ] new moist & tender slim jim steakhouse stri