>> jimmy: bronze. >> bronze -- >> jimmy: medal! >> bam! no -- [ buzzer ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are the champions right there! [ cheers and applause ] >> can you just check -- because we said we feel like it's rigged! >> jimmy: my thanks to reese witherspoon, usher. mikaela shiffrin, right there! [ cheers and applause ] congrats, pal. thank you for doing our show, i appreciate it. thank you pal. [ applause ] fred armisen joins us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] when you switch to sprint's new framily plan, friends are like family, so who's gonna be in yours? let's get a sound guy and some roadies. [ male announcer ] but the more people you add, the lower the rate. how 'bout sketchy jeff? he gets billed separately, right? [ male announcer ] get up to 10 separate bills and everyone gets unlimited talk, text and one gig of data for as low as $25 a month each. cool. one more. we need more beard. ♪ that'll do. [ male announcer ] the framily plan from sprint. with a new price, new plan, and an all

over here, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. who is it? >> josh groban. >> jimmy: oh, it's josh groban!d applause ] josh, how are you? >> good to see you. >> jimmy: how are you doing? oh, thank you. >> it's splintering. >> jimmy: sit right here? >> please sit. please sit. thank you very much. >> jimmy: this is nice. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? >> i'm well. i'm well. this is a hugely important evening for you. and i'm very honored. we wrote a little song to commemorate what a tremendous history you've had on this show. and so if you don't mind we'd like to sing it for you now. russell, if you don't mind. ♪ ♪ a million memories in 2,000 shows ♪ ♪ so many precious moments that we all love and know ♪ ♪ 2,000 shows ♪ almost too much fun ♪ let's take a look back at all the things that you've done ♪ ♪ let's take a look back jimmy because you're number one ♪ ♪ you made us laugh winter summer and all the spring ♪ ♪ a generous host who gave away his favorite things ♪ ♪ could you have been any better at chandler bing ♪ >> i think that was matthew perry. >> nope. ♪ you teamed up with a tal

katie. >> jimmy: ew. >> carly. >> jimmy: ew. >> jessie. >> jimmy: ew. >> suzie. >> jimmy: ew. >> hollymy: ew. >> constance. >> jimmy: ew. >> and amanda. >> jimmy: ewww! [ laughter ] did you get anything? >> yeah. i also got in new poster of harry styles. >> jimmy: omg! harry styles! i can't stand him. i won't! >> but you have to! >> jimmy: okay. >> and the best part of this poster is, you can kiss it and it is almost like kissing him in real life. hi. >> jimmy: hi, harry. how are you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got something -- wrap it up! wrap it up! today we have a very special guest. please join me in welcoming the first lady of the united states, mrs. obama! [ cheers and applause ] >> both: ew! [ all ew ] >> i can't! being in front of the first lady is making me nervous. [ light laughter ] let's have a shy face-off. [ laughter ] [ applause ] okay, moving on. so mrs. obama -- >> oh, please, call me michelle. [ gasps ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, michelle! so like, what's up? have you been watching the olympics? >> absolutely. i love seeing the best athletes in the world compete again

fight. >> jimmy! you okay, jimmy? [ whistle blows ] >> jimmy: i can't get up. i hate this game![ whistle blows ] ♪ >> steve: balls to the wall. balls the to the wall, gents. 30 seconds left. ready? >> jimmy: yeah. [ whistle blows ] i'm out of breath! >> i'm so out of breath. i'm going to start smoking again. [ laughter ] >> oh, no. this is like a -- >> jimmy: i hate this! how many seconds left? >> steve: ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four -- oh! ♪ [ whistle blows ] >> jimmy, you okay? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i hate that game so much! i don't care who won! my thanks to colin farrell, chris pratt and frank knuckles. i'm out of breath. i've got to work out. i'm on the cover of "men's health" by the way. [ laughter ] 2 chainz performs after the break, everybody. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pay my bill. phone: your account is already paid in full. oh, well in that case, back to vacation mode. ♪boots and pants and boots and pants♪ ♪and boots and pants and boots and pants♪ ♪and boots and pants... voice-enabled bill pay. just a tap away on the geico app. ♪ hu

>> jimmy: it has been fine so far. >> has it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> has it? >> jimmy: no, no. with bradley. all right? >> okay. >> jimmy: now listen -- we're going to play charades. each player gets a turn. >> wait. >> jimmy: what? >> i'm stuck with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you mean, you're lucky you got to -- >> come on! >> jimmy: you get to work with me. >> oh my god! hey! okay. all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you okay? >> all right. >> jimmy: each player gets a a turn giving silent clues. you know how charades works. 45 seconds on the clock. the first two rounds is one point each. emma thomson, our special charades guest star, why don't you go first. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. very good. so we'll go here. [ cheers and applause ] me and tim go here. emma, you're up here. you pull one number off of this thing and then off you go. and you are allowed to say -- no, no. you have to do this. all right, good. >> and i'm the only one getting it. >> jimmy: no, tim, don't guess. you're on my team. [ light laughter ] no, i'm kidding. it is going to be three against one. i

: that is not true. >> it's good luck, jimmy. >> jimmy: a crab shell full of rice? shells full of rice. >> jimmy: that's insane. your mom is weird. >> thank you, i agree. >> captain morgan white rum. answer to all life's ridiculous questions. uote from whitman, "you are here." "that life exists and identity." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." what will your verse be? [richard] after the laptops are closed and refunds have been paid, there's still a billion unclaimed tax dollars. get your billion back america. nearly double the fuel economy of the average vehicle... it kinda makes me want to double the awesomeness of everything. ha! ha ho! ma lord. whaaat?! easy, sprinkles. whoa hey we're all friends here. whoa. check out the calculator at ford.com to see if a ford car has double the fuel economy of your car. >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, he is nominated for an oscar for her role in the film "nebraska." june squibb is here. that's one of the best names

oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. they soak -- >> steve: no, you do actually -- >> jimmy: no, you found a weird thing that said it's true, but it is not true. you soak the corks before you put them in the wine bottle. so anyways, we were just a bunch of cork soakers. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you see where this is going? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that was the sketch. >> steve: what year did you soak those corks? >> jimmy: 1968? >> steve: 8? and 1970. >> jimmy: '70. yeah. >> steve: somewhere between there. >> jimmy: somewhere between there. [ laughter ] but i was thinking about "the tonight show," it's kind of crazy. it's like when i was a kid, i used to stand up -- stand up? i used to stay up late to watch "johnny carson." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: if i was good, you know, i would ask my parents, can i stay up and watch? and we would watch the monologue. and now kids are going to be asking, you know, their parents to stay up late to watch me. >> steve: i remember the first "tonight show" that my mom let m

>> jimmy: no. >> oh! >> jimmy: nope. [ cheers and applause ] in red. it's in red. >> i don't know when to start! ♪ >> okay. >> jimmy: here you go. [ singing off key ] ♪ you're insecure don't know what for ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you're turning heads when you walk through the door ♪ >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ don't need makeup to cover up now baby ♪ ♪ you is enough everyone up in the room can see it everyone else ♪ >> jimmy: i'll help you out. >> okay. yeah. ♪ baby you light up my world like nobody else the way you do your hair gets me overwhelmed ♪ ♪ but when you smile at the ground it ain't to tell you don't know oh-oh ♪ ♪ you're beautiful oh-oh you don't know you're beautiful ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: my thanks to harry styles and also kristin wiig to be cool enough to give up her interview time. stick around! lady gaga performs next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪ ♪ dear future olympian, one day you will be standing on and here's exactly how you'll get there. you'll work hard a

>> no. >> jimmy: no. television show. >> no. >> jimmy: but it didn't seem like -- it seemed like school was optional. >> i always think that life is the best university that you can ever attend. and i always think that you can go back anytime to study whatever you want. but for me my kids were -- they went to the university of life. and that's it. >> jimmy: they went to f.u. dhrpz chrpz [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, listen. everyone's different. >> jimmy: that's true. you guys especially. >> behave. >> jimmy: i don't mean it in a bad way. sharon osbourne is here. her show is called "the talk." she'll be right back. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. love something, set it free" probably wasn't talking about dollars. pretty much everybody wants to keep those. ♪ most car insurance companies know this -- because they keep yelling about it. only they don't say how they're saving those dollars. ♪ but esurance was born online, raised by technology, and majors in efficiency. w

>> jimmy: serious. >> are they good? >> jimmy: yeah.er pair. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all i'm gonna show. >> they look good. they look good. >> jimmy: do they zip up? okay. are you wearing them? >> yes, i am. [ cheers ] [ bands plays seductive music ] >> mine are on the front though. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know -- i don't know how they do it. >> jimmy: perfect. alright, good. you were, you were doing a thing now. i think -- a commercial. thank you. yeah, we got away with that. [ laughter ] you're doing a thing that, i think, is going to be the future of commercials. on the super bowl, they're doing the thing where you can choose the ending of the commercial. so it's for h&m, for bodywear, it's called "covered or uncovered." it's a hashtag thing for twitter. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you can -- i think i know what's going to win, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, why even have the contest? i mean, really. but you get to vote on it so if everyone votes "covered", i can't wait to see it. but here's a clip of the ad so you c

>> jimmy: yeah.ways thought the gloria estefan's song was 'elizabeth's gonna get ya.'" ♪ elizabeth's gonna get ya elizabeth's gonna get you ♪ ♪ jose jose jose or juan ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: and elizabeth. >> jimmy: the last one is from @joshbrownecow. he says -- ♪ i got my first real sex dream summer of '69 ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you have it, those are the "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. or submit yours by downloading our new "tonight show" app available on itunes and for android. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] when you switch to sprint's new framily plan, friends are like family, so who's gonna be in yours? let's get a sound guy and some roadies. [ male announcer ] but the more people you add, the lower the rate. how 'bout sketchy jeff? he gets billed separately, right? [ male announcer ] get up to 10 separate bills

>> jimmy: not tonight. down to my last clean bedsheet. [ laughter ] maybe we could sneak into the girl's cabin and steal their underpants? >> ew, no way! cootie central. >> jimmy: you're right. oh, i know, we could sing that song that we heard on the radio today? >> oh, you mean "africa" by toto? [ laughter ] i love that song, but let's try to keep it down. it's after lights out. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ i hear the drums echoing tonight but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation ♪ ♪ she's coming in 12:30 flight the moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me ♪ ♪ towards salvation it's gonna take a lot to take me away from you there's nothing that ♪ ♪ a hundred men or more could ever do i bless the rains down in africa ♪ ♪ gonna take some time to do the things we never had woo hoo ♪ [ whistle blows ] >> what in the pete's sakes going on in here? >> sorry, mr. fletcher, we were just singing. >> well, it's after lights out and you two turkeys got to get some shut- eye. i would hate to have to take away y

>> jimmy: in general. >> hmm. >> jimmy: wow.e your point. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: it's like all right already. we get it. >> when is somebody going to do something about it? >> we should do something. >> jimmy: show of hands, who believes he actually wrote -- mine, he won an oscar for what? >> he didn't write any of that. >> no, no, he didn't write it. >> jimmy: i mean maybe he typed it. sorry, matt, we can't hear you. no, your audio is not on. we can't hear you. i'm sorry, yeah. i know, i know, i know. you can hear us, though? nod once if you can hear us. yes. can you hear us? no, we can't hear anything. you know, let's take a break then we'll decide whether or not we should let matt join us. and the cast of "the monuments men" is here with us. and maybe matt damon will join us next, too. we'll see. we'll be right back. nearly double the fuel economy of the average vehicle... it kinda makes me want to double the awesomeness of everything. ha! ha ho! ma lord. whaaat?! easy, sprinkles. whoa hey we're all friends here.

>> jimmy: -- in the estate. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: they found it.hat is what i heard. [ laughter ] they found a hovercraft, a a yacht, and a helicopter pad. i'm not sure if he's the president of the ukraine or the president of "skymall." which i'm a frequent shopper. all up my stairs -- by my beds, i have doggy steps. all of my steps in general are all doggy steps because i don't want to make my dog look bad. [ laughter ] and all of my trees in the backyard, faces on them. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: some are like -- come on, you're scaring me. and i go, oh i remember nailing you in for three hours. >> steve: i think trees like it. i love it. i have a giant crossword puzzle as big as a wall. >> jimmy: oh, so smart of you to have that thing. i have a bird feeder that's also a remote control to my tv set. >> steve: are you serious? it can tivo shows? >> jimmy: i go outside, i feed the birds and i change the channel. >> steve: are you serious? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: with all of this uncertainty

>> jimmy: yeah.magine a world without us? i find that so flattering. >> without us talking for two hours? >> jimmy: people love them and it seems like you love macing them. so why wouldn't you? anyway. >> we do love making them. but it's -- yeah, but maybe a trilogy is better than a quadro -- >> have you ever heard of a quadrology? >> jimmy: yeah. well, but you have to go to six if you -- you can't stop at four. >> well, you're back on to "star wars." >> jimmy: but it would be great -- >> you want six of these? >> jimmy: like eventually you guys are like very old. i mean, i think that would be -- >> yeah, i think we could be in a nursing home helping each other, pushing each other. >> jimmy: hooking each other up to ivs. >> sounds hysterical. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so when you started and you met at the audition, did you -- >> fall in love. no. >> jimmy: did you? >> no, no. we really -- i mean, we had an audition with like -- >> tell the truth. you were just going to -- >> i was completely like amaze

>> jimmy: it's jimmy. it's me jimmy.till talking to you through the computer. >> okay. >> jimmy: never mind. you know what, magda? it's okay. i can see that technology is not your thing. >> hello? >> jimmy: hello, yeah. okay. she cut us off. you know what? [ applause ] i'm going to say this. she's really good at putting those little dolls inside each other. [ laughter ] we need to take a break. when we come back, we're going to try to figure out what the hell was going on on "the bachelor" tonight. and we've got a special presidents' day edition of "lie witness news." we told people that fdr, franklin delano roosevelt, died today. [ laughter ] and some of them felt really bad about it. plus will arnett and the "sports illustrated" cover models and music from silversun pickups. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] instead of paying too much for an ipad, i got the surface 2. first of all, it comes with office and outlook. then, with free skype calls to phones in over 60 countries, i can talk to my cousins any time. and then, i got 20

jimmy: ah! come out that was a a shaq-endorsed product that you were like, "this is just awful." >> well, i had a guy come in one time and he came in, he was a scientist. he said, "before we get started, i need two things from you." i said, "what's that?" he said, "i need a urine sample and a sweat sample." [ light laughter ] and i said, "for what?" he said, "i want to make cologne. i want to call it 'the big dna'." i was like -- [ laughter ] yeah. true story. true story. i was like, "nah." >> jimmy: what kind of scientist was this guy? get him out of there. like -- it wasn't bill nye. no. [ light laughter ] >> he was serious too. >> jimmy: really? >> [ deep throaty voice ] "i need a sweat sample. and then i need a urine sample." >> jimmy: really? >> "then we're going to mix it and call it 'the big dna'. everybody. we sell everywhere." >> jimmy: oh, no. no, thank you. i appreciate that. thank you, yeah. >> i'm cool. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i got to say congratulations. i haven't seen you si

jimmy fallon walking from his old set to his new digs. enjoy. >> good luck, jimmy. in rockefeller center, in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- will smith. musical guest, u2. and featuring, the legendary roots crew. and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. please, have a seat. welcome, everybody. thank you so much. thank you so much, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show." this is the first "tonight show" broadcast from new york in over 40 years. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. i'm jimmy fallon, and i'll be your host -- for now. [ laughter ] of course, i wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for the previous "tonight show" hosts. so i want to say thank you to steve allen, jack parr, johnny carson, jay leno, conan o'brien and jay leno. [ laughter and applause ] very, very nice. amazing. honestly, i really don't know how i got here. i grew up in upstate new york. in a town called saugerties, n

jimmy fallon happening next. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6a in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- >> jimmy: all my buddies are here. we're on the jersey floor, baby! i'm a bout to do! >> oh -- [ coughing ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy fallon and welcome to our "best of 'late night' special." tonight, we'll be taking a look back at our favorite "late night" parody series. we like to call them digital originals. first up is our version of "breaking bad," where i find out i only have six months left of my show. so i start selling jokes on the black market. desperate times. here's "joking bad." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, with that, we're going to transition -- >> jimmy, i'm afraid it's bad news. you only have six months. >> jimmy: only six more months? >> i'm afraid that's our most optimistic estimate, but yes. six more months. is all you have left at "late night." >> jimmy: but then i get "the tonight show," right? >> oh, yeah. [ laughter ] yea

at jimmy fallon's place. >> jimmy: yeah. >> buffalo. >> and it'll be hot. >> jimmy: tell everybody. i allowed to do this? >> sure, man. >> jimmy: lower your volume if you don't want a spoiler about his concert. you go to his concert. you're watching. he's amazing. oh, my gosh. i'm sweating just watching. [ laughter ] and all of a sudden, the stage starts moving like transformer-y. i thought you were going to do a tribute to shia labeouf. [ cheers and applause ] transformer -- >> i have so many jokes. >> jimmy: transformers. [ laughter ] >> right now of the top of my head, but keep going. >> jimmy: so anyway, the stage starts -- it just starts moving and growing. and then, you get like -- you're, like, 30 feet tall. you're up in the air. i'm like, "oh, my gosh." i guess. that's cool. no, it starts moving towards you. and i go, "what?" so the stage goes over your head. >> i wish you wouldn't have told that part but that's fine. [ audience awws ] >> jimmy: wait, but i have to keep going. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'll go like this when you can move your volume back up. >> they can't hear that

>> jimmy: no idea.e way, just on a serious note, if your poop comes out on a skateboard, seek medical attention immediately. while we're on the subject of health, i'm curious how many of you in our audience actually signed up for obama care. really? they claim that more than 3 million people have now signed up on healthcare.gov website. maybe they have, i don't know. more people are supposedly getting through to the website now. but they're having trouble getting to the -- the trick is to eat the mushroom before you go up the pipe. you know whatever you think about universal health care, the whole thing definitely hasn't been working as well as it should be. so now, and this might be a good solution. there's another government website you can go to that promises to help you navigate through it. >> for those of you who are still having difficulty signing up for health care, finally a clear and straightforward tool to help. introducing obamacare care. a simple four-step process to get the health care you

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: we've also got >> hi, everybody. thanks for watching. thank you for coming to visit. tonight, the oscars and the bachelor and all the important stuff. but i have some personal news to share. guess who got his wife pregnant? that's right. i got a phone call from mau maury povich this morning. i am the father. and i did it the old fashioned way, with my body. i wasn't going to mention it. we were trying to keep it quiet, but i'm starting to show. i'm 46. my son is 20 my daughter is 22. a lot of people have been asking me why do it all over again. i'll tell you why. we are in a very competitive late night environment right now. and abc thought it would be gootd to add a baby to the show. even though we have the new baby coming, we still love you very, very much. >> i love you, too, jimmy. >> jimmy: i felt like i was getting too much sleep. we're doing this rainbow loom project. i asked kids to loom something for me and send them to the show to have them fashioned into a loom suit, a whole suit made of these things. i honestly didn't think w

>> jimmy: pro-biotics. >> you do. >> jimmy: oh, i know.meone you know well? >> well, i know him about as well as anybody out here. we have met on two or three occasions. >> jimmy: when a great genius like stephen hawking meets you, do you get the sense that he is a fan? that he's excited to meet a movie star? or is he above that? >> really hard to tell. >> jimmy: hard to tell, okay. i gotcha. well, it sounds like an interesting show. it's quite a contrast to the lego movie, i will say that. >> yeah. but i'm full of those. >> jimmy: well, it's great to have you here. morgan freeman everybody. "the lego movie" premiering february 7. and stephen hawking monday night on the science channel. right back with anna faris! [ male announcer ] the engineer. ♪ and the artist. ♪ when they work together -- well, that's when you can get something really new. ♪ when you hear this sound a-comin' ♪ ♪ hear the drummers drumming ♪ i want you to join together with the band ♪ you can play playstation on your own time. we're trying to shoot a movie here. ♪ now,

[ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm host of the show. thanks for watching. i know a lot of you are here just hiding out from the cops, but that's fine. you be cool, isle be cool. it will be cool. an estimated 700,000 fans lined the streets to cheer the super bowl champion seahawks. they say it was the largest gathering in the history of the city of the seattle. i think 700,000 is more people than live in the city of seattle. i don't know about parade. didn't anyone consider it might hurt the broncos' feelings. we have malcolm smith and the notorious richard sherman will be here. and by the way, should mention, today was also the victory parade for the puppy bowl. but that was -- that wasn't a big deal. just a bunch of dogs dragging their butts across the carpet. in other sports news, the winter olympics begin tomorrow. so get ready for two weeks of bob costas sitting by a fire. you know, ticket sales have been slow for the olympics in sochi, mostly because the olympics are in sochi. which is a town i had never heard of until three weeks ago. as of two weeks

and now -- why not, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you.t's balanced budget sunny and warm despite the fact that most of the rest of the country is frozen, waiting for queen elsa to perform an act of true love to warm people up. it's called a storm of historical proportions. states of emergency have been declared in virginia, maryland, georgia and south carolina. it is so cold right now, they actually had to break florida after the map. to use it as an ice scraper for the rest of the country. so goodbye nan anda and papa. thousands of flights have been canceled. power is out in hundreds of thousands of houses in north carolina and georgia. but when you look at the instagram pictures of icicles hanging off of tree branches, it makes it all worthwhile. bob costas was out of commission again tonight because he has pink eye. mott laer had to fill in for him. he said my eyes are blurry and watery and becomes so sensitive that even in dim light constantly is tearing up. which sounds like a teenager trying to convince his mom he doesn't smoke pot.

>> no. >> jimmy: no?get a couples massage together? >> that's a great question. i would think about it. back is kind of tight. >> jimmy: congratulations. seems like you guys are having a lot of fun. looks like you didn't discuss the dres code, though, before -- >> ewith tried to coordinate.ll. >> jimmy: thank you for showing it to me. congratulations to you guys for bringing a championship to the city of seal. you needed one. richard sherman and malcolm smith, everybody. we'll be right back with music from crosses. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'd like to thank gary oldman, richard sherman, malcolm smith, nathan fielder, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next, but first this is their self-titled album. making their network tv debut with the song "the epilogue" -- "crosses." ♪ it's a strange day the roses are in bloom but in a strange way i know somehow we're doomed ♪ ♪ look around through the town not a soul to be found in silence not a sound there's no one around but yo

>> jimmy: a remote contro-- >> guillermo: a remote control, jimmy. >> jimmy: where's the magazine?guillermo: let me show you. >> jimmy: wow. that's quite a cover. >> guillermo: that's not one cover model. that's three. for the first time ever, there are three models on the cover of the spor"sports illustrated" swimsuit issue. all three of them are going to be here on our show on monday. will they be wearing the swimsuits? they won't be? they should wear the swimsuits so we can re-enact the cover here. will you make sure that that happens? all right. one more thing is thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week in unnecessary censorship. >> are you looking for love this valentine's day? you might have to master [ bleep ] first. >> find out what's right for you. get a dog that fits your lifestyle and bleep your family. >> [ bleep ] every day after practice. [ bleep ] literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of men. you really think none of them have been go ahead i? >> it falls down through

white. >> jimmy: remember i said earlier not that one. >> i forget, jimmy. >> jimmy: let's watch itsurprise for us together. >> okay. >> jimmy: here's another edition of talking about the movie with yeyha. >> hi. it's me, yeyha. i'm talking about the mao vie american hisry. the movie talk about mafia, casino, hooker, you know? and clean money, launder money. and this guy in the middle, christian bale, he's the one in the batman. and he's in the movie. he has big stomo. and vanessa, she good actor. and the guy on the left, he's the one can the tom cruise mission impossible. and the guy from hangover. i got the picture with him. i got the guy from mission with tom cruise. and i got the guy from hangover. the woman i don't know her name in the middle. maybe i got her, i don't know who she. the good movie, good actor. go watch it. it's good movie. enjoy. >> jimmy: thank you. thursday night, it's time for or weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> later tonight we'll be honoring the visionary bar

for the ,, >> from hollywood, it's jimmy kimmel night. and now, why not, here's jimmy kimmel! >> thank you for joining us. it has been sunny and warm just despite the fact that most of the rest of the country is frozen waiting for queen elsa to experience an act of true love to warm them up. this winter storm, the national weather service is calling it a storm of historical proportions. states of emergency have have been declared. it is so cold right now, they actually had to break florida off the map to use it as an ice scraper for the rest of the country. so goodbye nana and papa. atlanta is covered in almost an inch of ice. thousands of flights have been canceled. power is out in hundreds of thousands of houses in north carolina and georgia. it's bad news. but i'll tell you something, when you look at those instagram pictures icicles hanging off of tree branch, it makes it all worthwhile. meanwhile, bob costas out of commission tonight because he has pink eye. matt lauer had to fill in. he said my eyes are blurry and watery and become so sensitive even in dim light they're

only from at&t. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about neuro sleep. to give you a great night's sleep. our friends at neuro want everyone to have sweet dreams, so they are offering a free bottle of sleep. go to sleepwithneuro.com to get one for yourself just like my pal guillermo who loves to sleep did. >> come to papa. >> stupid ambulance! i need to get back to my amazing dream. for a great night of sleep. oh, this is what i need. >> i've been waiting for you, guillermo. >> come to me, my chalupa. here put some clothes on. you might get sun burned. >> can i get a refill? >> seriously? >> this is my dream. can i get another burrito, too. >> to get your own sweep dreams and a free bottle of sleep, go to sleep with neuro.com. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] delta touch2o technology for your kitchen and bathroom. precisely in tune with every touch. see what delta can do. on expedia you canyou're witbook any flight, car and hotel together and save up to 20% when you build your custom trip. expedia, find yours. try zyrtec-d® to powerfully clear your blocked nos

>> jimmy: it will be. >> it's a heavy baby gift. >> jimmy: oh, wow.real. >> jimmy: this is the real oscar? >> they let me take a real -- well, they didn't let me. but i was he rehearsing across the street. and it's like a little baby rattle so the child can play with it. >> jimmy: i wish the baby had a speech prepared right now the baby could make. the baby is not going to like this at all. one of those superbabies or something to lift this thing. >> it's like a doll and it can play with it. >> jimmy: thank you very much. chew on it and whatever. thank you. i'll throw this right in the crib. >> top that, matt damon. >> jimmy: you must be very busy right now. you have the show all week. >> i'm busy, yeah. i'm very busy. i really didn't think this through when i said i would host the oscars. oh, i have a show every day. so i've been doing that and i've been writing like crazy for the oscars. and i'm moving at the same time, which was not thought through either. so we're moving really right after the oscars. >> jimmy: do you hire movers? or do you move t

here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. thank you for watching.hat's very nice. i'm very pleased to have you here. we have music from sara barielles. the bright eyed and bushy taled allison brie is with us. and zach efron is here. are there snakes in here? most of the south isn't prepared for that kind of cold. the cars in the south, their tires are made of rubber. so it's a problem on the -- in alabama, more than 2,000 people abandoned vehicles along the atlanta highway. atlanta has essentially become a giant car max. so they sent the national guard in to help out. it's a big mess. but if you can get out there, you can take any car you want. it's not even considered stealing. it's more like adoption. people are complaining about the super bowl being in new york. it turns out it's warmer there than most of the cities they usually have the super bowl. isn't that funny, guillerm o? >> guillermo: that's very funny. >> jimmy: thank you. justin bieber recently retired from music to focus on building up his criminal record. last night, justin turned him

and now, how should i put this, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. the united states and canada anxiously wait for news about justin bieber. you know, just when the streets are finally safe from lindsay lohan, justin bieber comes out of nowhere, arrested in miami beach early this morning on charges of dui, resisting arrest, driving with an expired license and he's in trouble with his grandparents for not stopping by to visit while he was there. he's driving that very low key yellow lamborghini. justin just got pulled over. >> oh, many i god. >> jimmy: yeah, there he was. he was reportedly driving 60 in a 30 miles an hour zone. his friend was arrested for dui, too. no word yet on whether justin will be charged with a felony or a misde-bieber. that's pending. he did admit to police that he drank alcohol, spoked pot and took prescription drugs that night. that may have just been his way of announcing he's running for mayor of toronto. he failed a field sobriety test. of course he did. his pants are halfway down his ankles. how is he supposed to walk a s

anything for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: we would like to present you the gold medal for pranking.n at the rest of the olympics. there she is, kate hansen, the girl who tweeted wolf. thank you, kate. one more thing before we march towa forward. it's thursday night. we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. the it is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> he's at it again. jimmy kimmel has [ bleep ] us this time all the way from sochi. >> in tonight's money smart, capital one has a come [ bleep ] you anywhere policy. >> what was it like to [ bleep ] each other at 9 or 10 years oled. >> it was a little awkward. >> i'm always not going to let nobody [ bleep ] my [ bleep ] you heard that, kids. >> how long does it take to [ bleep ]. is it a long process. >> about 3,000 [ bleep ] were [ bleep ]. >> i have a pretty good [ bleep ] and i give the to her. >> [ bleep ] just minutes away. >> come [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> valerie, thank you so much. >> thank you. >> great ideas,er great [ bleep ]. >> words to describe someone who keeps dropping things? [ bleep ]. >> jason [ blee

it's time. >> jimmy: i gotta go jay. >> go do your show jimmy. >> jimmy: i will.i have a couple more questions for you. >> all right. ♪ do you like pina coladas ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and getting caught in the rain ♪ ♪ do you like making love at midnight♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i was tired of my lady ♪ we'd been together too long like a worn out recording of our favorite song ♪ >> it was television magic. ♪ ♪ [ alarm sound for malfunctioning printer ] [ male announcer ] you've reached the age where you've learned a thing or two. [ metal clanks ] ♪ this is the age of knowing what you're made of. so why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? [ gears whirring ] talk to your doctor about viagra. 20 million men already have. ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. s

here goes jimmie johnson. can he get up off the corn we are him and hold it down the back straightaway? >> while we were in commercial, we saw keselowski change lanes in front of johnson. >> nobody behind him. he's pushing you out front. off you now. he's off you. >> look how much that push by biffle shot him ahead of the jimmie johnson in the 48? that may be just what -- well, i don't know. back to the outside. he knows that's the fast line. he's probably doesn't want to give that up but he's getting down there looking at jimmie johnson alongside as well. and here comes johnson. here he comes. can't quite clear him. >> and keselowski has the momentum on the outside. caution is out. >> caution is out. >> he had biffle. and caution is out. >> three wide, caution is out up top three wide. >> turn number two and everybody gets a chance to catch their breath. >> now happy, get to catch our breath. drivers are happy. crew chiefs are smiling. >> now, what will be interesting the way they reset the field is by how yo

>> jimmy: to me it is. i'll tell you something, my family is very, very grateful to your great grandfather on a daily basis. >> i'm grateful every day. >> jimmy: tell him what he did. >> his name was john harrington. he lived in the 1600s and he invented the toilet. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he invented the toilet. thus why it's called the john. >> jimmy: because of your great, great -- >> i believe so, yeah. >> jimmy: i always heard thomas crapper was the guy, for real.

jimmy does jagger and bruce and dylan.nd what has become a fallon signature, his friday night thank you notes. >> thank you, hamburger helper glove for helping me cook and for never mentioning how you lost a finger. >> jimmy fallon is built to please. he works for laughs, works for the approval of his audience in the studio and at home. and at home, things have changed for jimmy. the fallons are new parents of daughter winnie, who has his full attention. >> i'm remembering things as they're happening now more. i'm enjoying the moment more, because when you have a baby, you enjoy all of their moments. >> his audition for "snl" seems so long ago, but he got the job and stayed six years, then "late night", now "the tonight show." he says it's all still surreal. we ended our interview with a walk from jimmy's old studio across the hall to his beautiful new home. and while our cameras were not allowed in because the network did not want to spoil tonight's debut, it's hard to adequately describe what we saw. you guys can't -- i

except for jimmy keene.e and then a book written by keene and hillel levin. >> once we were able to write about what jimmy went through, then things happened. >> keene's story refocused attention on larry hall, helped reopen cold cases, and put pressure on his twin brother gary. now gary stopped defending larry and started talking. >> larry just like jimmy keene calls him, and he is. he's a baby killer. >> you think your brother is a baby killer? >> i don't have no doubt in my mind. >> do you think your brother killed more than jessica roach? >> yes. >> do you think your brother killed tricia reitler? >> yes. >> rihanna rison? michelle dewey? >> yes. >> as gary started talking more openly, detectives approached him asking for help. >> i went with the indianapolis detectives down to try to get my brother to confess. he made me leave the room. he did in fact confess on tape to 15 serial murders. >> larry later retracted again. and while he can't ever seem to stick to one story, he does sometimes seem to have r

, here is your host, jimmy fallon! >> it was a good time. this crowd welcomed jimmy with a rouses round of applause. will smith was the first official guest to test out the new chair. we'll see a little more from the show coming up a little later. but things really heated up when u2 took to the roof of 30 rock for a very special performance. ♪ >> tscene was amazing. we'll have more from the big premiere coming up later in the cooler. and in honor of jimmy's first big "tonight show," we want to know your favorite fallon moment to date. could be an snl movie, a skit, maybe something off our radar. tweet us your most creative answers and we'll put the best ones up later in the show. >>> republicans may have backed down on the debt fight, but now the party sees a real open to go zero in on the issues that they hope will decide the midterm elections. among them, botched rollout of obama care. as the "new york times" points out, democrats lose a chance to paint their opponents as obstructionists or worse and the article says

it's very exciting. >> jimmy: i would imagine. i. >> yeah. get to be with my hero. >> jimmy: oh, thanks, man. oh, oh, i see. >> all the way from sochi.

enjoy. >> good luck, jimmy.n rockefeller center, in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- will smith. musical guest, u2. and featuring, the legendary roots crew. and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

and now here's your host -- jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! oh, please.elcome, everybody! week two! week two of our "tonight show!" >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: and what a great crowd! welcome, everybody. oh, man. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here. thank you for watching at home. here's what people are talking about. oh, i just love this guy. toronto mayor, rob ford. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: thank you!

and now here's your host -- jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! oh, please.elcome, everybody! week two! week two of our "tonight show!" >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: and what a great crowd! welcome, everybody. oh, man. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here. thank you for watching at home. here's what people are talking about. oh, i just love this guy. toronto mayor, rob ford. [ laughter and appla

some of the drivers, jimmy jauns particul -- jimmie johnson.s the gauges on the dash board so he doesn't have to look down. there they are there. they're in his line of sight. he gets paper on the grill, or if the temperatures start to fluxuate. he will know it right away. let's talk about the lights through the window. that is aimed out at the racetrack so when they're out there at speed, the direction they're looking, those lights do not come into play. our camera sees them on the right side of the car, but for the drivers it is not an issue. >> no, i raced at night with these lights and they don't bother you at all. the racetrack is much clearer. it has a much clearer view at night. it's like turning the contrast up on your tv. the lights brighten everything up and they bring the surface, wall, and the conditions so much clearer to the driver. >> 40 laps complete this time by, and that is 100 of 500 miles. glad to have you with us on fox. kyle busch leading, kurt busch has been leading most of them. denny hamlin was out front for ten, menard

hear of his passing. >>> jimmy fallon makes his "tonight show" debut. >> i'm jimmy fallon and i'll be your host for now. >> is he better than leno? ainsley earhart hit the streets to find out. >> are you excited about him hosting? >> i do like his show? >> better than leno? >> yes. >> hannity starts right now. >> i was home watching hbo, i came across a documentary called american winner. chronicling people living in oregon and the struggles they are facing. >> i hear them in bed sometimes saying we skipped dinner because we need to feed our kids. sometimes when i hear that, i cry. >> i want to go do college, i want to be able to have a good life. it makes me worry, how am i going to be successful? how am i going to be able to provide for my family? i worry about that every day? >> those stories are heart wrenching, as the film went on, i found myself screaming at the television like you liberals do me, because the only solutions they offer to fix the problem, the same old liberal talking points. let me give you an example. >> if capitalism is not regulated or checked, there's a harsh

about jimmy fallon, jimmy kimmel, conan, they are made for viral, vignettes that are sent around ther people, the once you're watching it on television. younger people are watching entirely. these kids are designed for that. >> the average age of the tonight show is 58 years old. how do you bring men age down? >> jimmy is a little younger. arethe late-night talkshows 54. they are all in the 50's. >> is that considered young? >> jimmy fallon looks young. >> they would love to get that median age of the viewer. it is a little bit older. what is going on in late-night -- cable competition now, you have conan and you have comedy central. chelsea handler. you have adult swim. the most popular activity in late-night is watching playback on your dvr. >> the numbers here are surprising. it reminded me the powerhouse the johnny carson was. netting 50 million viewers per night for johnny carson. -- 15 million viewers per night for johnny carson. >> johnny carson said on his last show, the population has doubled in 30 years and half of them have had a late-night talk show. none of them have bee

and dick cavett on jimmy fallon's "tonight show" debut. hello, i'm antonio mora, and welcome to "consider this," here is more on what is ahead. >> united nations report is levelling disturbing allegations against the north koreans. >> kim jong un may be responsible for the crimes against humanity. >> systematic enslavement, rape, murder and torture. >> venezuela president ordered the expulsion of three u.s. diplomat. >> the government is censoring them. >> it comes as the country enters its sixth day of process. >> a set back for process in u.s. >> our man jimmy fallon taking over over. >> the sixth host in six years. >> it will be a big night. >> we begin with a report on unspeakable crimes perpetrated in north korea, and an unprecedented warning from the united nations to north korea's leaders. u.n. investigators said monday that supreme leader kim jong un and his security forces could face an international trial for ordering systematic widespread and gross human rights violations. they are detailed in a 272-paged report. michael kirby,

>> jimmie johnson! >> the 48 car did it! he did it! >> three in a row, jimmie johnson! >> by .02. i thought when he got beat off of turn two it was all over but he drove it in on the outside and won it! >> boy, was that worth staying up late for or what? >> incredible. >> in 2004, the final nascar race ended with one of the closest finishes in nascar history. matt kenseth was trying to hold off kasey kahne. >> kenseth went low in one. changes lanes. here comes kahne on the outside. >> just can't quite man it off of turn two. >> almost hit the wall exiting two. >> here kahne comes to the bottom. >> he has a good run on him. >> side by side to the line, kenseth! >> here it is again. coming out of two, mcmurray got a little loose and made it a two-car race. here they come to the line. >> got such a run off turn four. >> whoa, baby. >> wow! all right. >> the race for the checkered flag at talladega was one of the best in the history of nascar on fox. with two laps to go it appeared to be newman or dale earnhardt jr.'s race until edwards and keselowski made their move. >> carl edwards

there's jimmy, there's jimmy. there he is. thanking god that i'm there. congratulations, jimmy, welcome to 11:30. i'm sure it's a relief to escape the baron television superfund site of the 12:30 death slot. that reminds me-- congratulations, seth. looking forward to february 24. you're going to be great. ( cheers and applause ). nation, is it me or has america gone crazy? everybody is covered in tattoos, has health insurance-- it's madness. but, folks, nothing has me more confuses than the transgenders. they're everywhere from rupaul, to "glee "to the transformers movies. hey, hey, optimists. you were born a robot. it doesn't matter if inside you feel like you're a truck. ( applause ) besides, being transjerpd is just not fair, i put in 49 works into being a dude, and then some joannie-come-lately says she's a johnny and suddenly i have have to pay her the same as a man. where are we as a nation? and the whole thing makes my brain broke. last week, facebook added more than 50 custom gender options, including transgender, transgender female, transgender m