[ laughter ] >> jimmy: talking to will. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no, will. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy:y 4th, someone mentioned that you look like chad smith of the red hot chili peppers. >> i had heard that. >> jimmy: yeah. and you responded by saying, "no. i am chad smith." >> that is true. >> it's not true. because he's not me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but you said it was a a character that you -- that will ferrell created called chad smith. >> correct. >> i was so pissed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did you do, do you remember where you were when you heard that name? >> yeah, i was jamming. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you were jamming. >> i was jamming with the chili peppers. >> jimmy: jamming within the chili peppers. >> yeah. at our jam house. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. how many jam houses do you guys have? >> in america? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, in america. >> four. >> jimmy: yeah, four. so you're at jam house number -- >> three. >> jimmy: three. and you see this thing online. >> i go through the roof. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm like, flea -- >> jimmy: you talked to

>> jimmy: it does work. >> movie magic. >> jimmy: movie magic.ed perspective. >> jimmy: yeah. forced perspective. >> yes. it was very difficult to say that by the way. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. i didn't want to say that. >> phenomenon. >> go back to phenomenon. >> jimmy: are we ready to show the trailer? can we show this? [ cheers and applause ] i'm so excited. >> i'm ready. are you ready? >> let's unveil. >> jimmy: all right. you're going to unveil. it's just unbelievably fun. gosh! it's the new trailer. the world premiere. here's jim carrey and jeff daniels in "dumb and dumber to." [ cheers and applause ] check it out. ♪ >> there he is again. almost two decades and he still comes. >> how you doing, buddy? i brought you your favorite candies. man, you got to give me somethin'. c'mon, c'mon, c'mon! spit it out! >> got ya! [ laughs ] [ laughter ] >> wait a minute! so, you mean you have been faking for 20 years? >> mm-hmm. >> and it was all for a gag? >> yep! >> that's -- awesome! [ laughter ] ♪ >> i like what you've done with the place. who's this?

it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, zach braff. jenna dewan tatum. the eighth annual belly flop competition. and music from st. paul and the broken bones. and now, i'm not kidding, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] i have an announcement to make. i've been giving it a lot of thought. and i think i might get a toe ring this summer. i think i'm finally ready to pull the trigger. they made rings for the big toe because i'd like to make an impression. we have a cherrered summertime tradition here at the show. to celebrate the start of summer every year, in back of our theater we set up an above-ground swimming pool. there it is. and in front of our theater out on hollywood boulevard we set up an above-ground cousin sal and there he is. [ cheers and applause ] every year we up the budget on sal's t-shirt for this. you can see we're up to seven dollars. sal what we're looking for, correct me if i'm wrong

>> jimmy: yes. sword as a wedding gift. >> no. >> jimmy: yes, which is kind of a weird thing to have. i keep it away from my wife suffice it to say. when a devil monkey comes into the bedroom, though, not going to have a head for long. very good to have you here. eric bana, everyone. watch the movie. we'll be right back. like in our sinks... ...in our hands... excuse me... sorry! ...on our tables... oh! ...and in here. and since we expect our phones to be with us wherever we go, shouldn't they be water resistant? i am so sorry... it's totally fine, see... 424... uh, 216... yeah, we think so too. introducing the samsung galaxy s5. available at verizon. ♪ check...this...out. oh my goodness. do you know what that adds up to? a clean bum. this is going very well so far. [ cherry ] feel a clean so fresh it can only be cottonelle. this is going very well so far. and now you get hit again.asis. this time by joint pain. it's a double whammy. it could psoriatic arthritis a chronic inflammatory disease that a

jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- chris rock, governor chris christie, musical guest kacey musgraves, and featuring the legendary roots crew. and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! welcome, everybody! to "the tonight show"! welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. thank you for being here. oh, my gosh, what a hot show. hot show tonight! chris rock is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] governor chris christie here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] i have some jokes about him, yeah. might be in trouble a little bit. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: kacey musgraves here tonight! hot, hot, hot! [ applause ] welcome to the show, everybody. here's what people are talking about. great news, you guys. the new york rangers beat the los angeles kings in game four. [ cheers and applause ] last night! to stay alive in the stanley cup finals. so now they trail three games to one, or as they say in hockey, "they're hanging on by the skin of

>> jimmy: george lopez! >> jimmy, jimmy!h for being on, buddy. >> of course. >> jimmy: i appreciate that. you having fun here in florida? you enjoying the humidity? [ laughter ] >> dude, i've got to say i've never sweat so much from my coolo ever before. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's what it's called. that's what it's called. >> you know what you see a lot of out here. you see a lot of this. hey, let's go over there. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] there's a lot of pooling. there's a lot of pooling going on. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. absolutely. >> hey, listen. first of all, congratulations on the show. [ cheers and applause ] i'm proud of you. >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. you're a good man. >> you know, welcome to the father club. >> jimmy: oh yeah. i'm a dad now. that's good, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know what? when i saw you and winnie dress the same -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> you know, a lot of parents are dressing like their kids. but in the latino community, we don't usually dres

and now, right back at you, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] it's been a hot day. i've glad you've all cooled down and fired up. you picked the right night to be here. we have a big something for everyone tonight. each of our guests tonight has stood the test of time. alyssa mylano is here. boyz ii men is here. and a guy from that movie "cocktail," tom cruise will be here. [ cheers and applause ] or is tom cruise already here dressed in black and dangling from our ceiling? [ laughter ] no, he isn't. he is not. this is interesting. the university of illinois and arizona state teamed up for a study. they looked at statistics for the 47 most damaging hurricanes over the last 60 years in the united states. they found on average hurricanes with female names kill twice as many people. [ laughter ] for real. to figure out why they surveyed hundreds of people and figured out when a hurricane has a woman's name we take it less seriously, we don't prepare as w

jimmy. >> jimmy: jonah. sup?ers and applause ] >> jimmy. >> ice cube. >> jonah. >> iced cube. >> channing. >> sup? >> what's up? >> jimmy: sup? >> sup? >> sap? >> jimmy: sup sup sip? >> sup sup sup sup sup suh-hup. >> su-huh-ha-ha sup-sup? >> saaaaah? >> ssss. >> sup-wiches? >> jimmy: suppy. >> sippy. >> jimmy: duppy. >> patrick duffy. >> sippy cup. >> jimmy: sup. >> sip sip sip. >> jimmy: su-puh? >> whassup? >> watzoof. >> whitzip. >> what is it that is up? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup. >> sup. >> sup. >> soup, lenitl soup. [ laughter ] >> what's in that puddin? >>[ sneezing ] sup. >> bless you. >> sop. >> soap. >> sup-puh-puh. >> sup? >> sup? >> [ pop sound ] sup. >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup? >> suuup. >> honestly, i've never told anybody in my life this before, but -- sup? >> suh -- >> suh -- [ harmonizing ] ♪ suuh -- >> sup! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jonah hill, channing tatum and ice cube, the stars of "22 jump street" in theaters now.

>> yes. >> jimmy: thank you so much, megan. >> thank you jimmy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: myto megan boone for the interview. no spoilers. >> steve: no spoilers. >> jimmy: hey here's some good news for stoners. [ cheers ] a new study found that the number of new yorkers arrested with small amounts of the marijuana has gone down 9 percent this year. that's right because you know at this point even drug sniffing dogs are like, "oh come on, just legalize it. [ laughter ] i mean what is the big -- everyone else has done it. [ applause ] it's fine. i'll sniff something. yeah, whatever." [ laughter ] you guys this is cool. after working on a deal to sell his beats headphones to apple for $3 billion -- [ audience oohs ] -- dr. dre is now being called the world's first billionaire rapper. then bill gates was like, "oh i think you're mistaken. [ laughter ] check check. ♪ my name is billie gates and i'm here to say i like making software for computers ♪ [ laughter ] sorry, i just want to make sure it's not broke. testing. i just want to make sure it's not broken. that's right dr. dre g

>> jimmy: just hold it!man! dude, we're doing good. doing good. >> stuff, stuff, keep stuffing. >> jimmy: all right, i'm stuffing it. here we go. all right, it's going good. when we're stuffing the sausage and what are you doing over there? >> i'm just watching you guys. >> jimmy: all right, good. [ laughter ] >> so we have some already cooked. we told them -- >> jimmy: all right, thank you. you can let go of that, quest. >> it is blood sausage and it comes out this sort of like gray color. no, you gotta keep holding it or else it's gonna fall out. the second thing we'll do. to complete the dish. to complete the dish, we're gonna make -- >> jimmy: you gotta do something with this. i don't know what to do with it. >> you can twist it off. you can rip it. >> questlove: aahh! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go. all right, very good. thank you very much. >> all right. now we're do some specials to go along with this. >> jimmy: just give it to me. just give it to me. [ laughter ] >> this is an austrian pasta

>> jimmy: the baby?well, it's due next month but i don't want to say exactly. >> really? i assume you want me in the delivery room. >> jimmy: you know what? that would be -- i'd love for my child -- the first face for my child to see. and i'd ask if you would not wear a mask too so the kid really knows who you are. we don't know the sex of the baby either. >> really? you really don't? >> jimmy: really don't. honestly. >> does your wife know? >> she's not telling you.w. >> jimmy: no, she doesn't know. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: i have gone to the sonograms with her, and we make sure that we don't know. which i guess if it's a boy is a bad sign. >> i know. >> jimmy: you know what the sex of the baby is? >> i know. >> jimmy: really what is it? tell me, we'll see if you're right. >> i'm not telling you. no, it's a boy. >> jimmy: it's a boy, how do you know that? >> i just know. >> jimmy: can i tell you something? i was in target yesterday and i thought i kind of hope it's a boy because the toys are so much bette

>> jimmy: no, vintage.ame of my neighbor's wifi network is 'ice cream butt cheeks.'" [ laughter ] uh, yeah. won't be stealing that wifi. ice cream butt cheeks? this one is from @rhymeswithmeg. she says, "i had a neighbor who had a garage sale for three months straight because, quote, business was good." [ laughter ] still buying my garbage. >> steve: yeah, man. >> jimmy: this one's from @louismendoza14. he says, "my neighbor have a a santa figure that they leave up all year. on halloween they duct tape two gourds to his hands." [ laughter ] ho ho boo. [ dracula voice ] >> steve: boo, i'm santa claus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this last one is from @desireestin. she says, "if we threw our frisbee or ball over the fence by accident, we would get it back with a note attached saying 'i hate kids.'" [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. those are our "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. submit yours by downloading our "tonight show" app, available on it

♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> jimmy: thank you for coming. thank you for watching.'m jimmy kimmel. this is our nba game night special. tonight, game two of the finals between the miami heat and san antonio spurs. this is exciting for us, because it's one of very few sporting events here at abc that doesn't involve dancing judges waving paddles at urkle. there's a lot on the line this year. the winning team not only gets the larry o'brien trophy, the winning team gets to drive a tank through donald sterling's house. [ applause ] this is -- the heat's fourth year in a row in the finals. interesting fact, either the heat, the lakers or the spurs have played in every nba championship series since 1999. and the clippers have played in none of them. [ laughter ] the playoffs -- the playoffs are odd to me. imagine in your boss said to you, hey, if you work really hard this year, in april, you get to work an extra two months while everyone else goes on vacation. you'd fake a heart attack, right? we have two special gelss here tonight, with a sneak peek at their new song "ha

i'm going with foreigner. >> oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: american.here do you get a pair of encore sneakers? >> melrose avenue. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> i'm from massachusetts. >> jimmy: all right. that is in america. all right. >> take two pies. you're wasting away. >> jimmy: yeah, put on a pair of fat jeans. [ cheers and applause ] all right. we have a great show tonight. alyssa milano is here. we have music from boyz ii men. and we'll be right back with tom cruise. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] two medium cappuccinos! let's show 'em what a breakfast with whole grain fiber can do. one coffee with room, one large mocha latte, medium macchiato, a light hot chocolate hold the whip, two espressos. make one a double. she's full and focused. [ barista ] i have two cappuccinos, one coffee with room, one large mocha latte, a medium macchiato, a light hot chocolate hold the whip, and two espressos -- one with a double shot. heh, heh. that's not the coffee talkin'. [ female announcer ] start your day with kellogg's frosted mini wheats cereal.

. >> on jimmy kimmle, emily blunt. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- emily blunt, from "shark tank", daymond john, and music from the birds of satan. with cleto and the cletones. and now, fasten your safety belts, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us on "air conditioning appreciation week" in los angeles. so hot today. it got up to 98 degrees here in hollywood today. in the valley it was over 100 degrees. this is not a good week to be a superhero out on hollywood blvd. truth be told no week is a good week to be a superhero on hollywood boulevard. but this one especially. on the plus side, i guess the heat is good practice for when we all go to hell. which we will. i was in new york for the last couple of days. yesterday morning in new york i swear this is true, for breakfast, i ordered a hot dog as an appetizer for breakfast. then i had the main course of three eggs and

when i say jimmy, you say fallon! jimmy! >> jimmy: fallon! >> jimmy! >> jimmy: fallon!my: honey! >> boo boo! >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: can i have a a friendship bracelet? we'll talk in the commercial. mama june and honey boo boo, everybody. d0 not miss the season premiere of "here comes honey boo boo." june 19th at 9:00 p.m. on tlc. stand-up next from iliza shlesinger. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor. of taking

>> jimmy: no that's okay.'t you just tell me what 18 to 29-year-olds are wearing these days. >> you know, fubu, 8 ball jackets, planet hollywood tee shirts, sour patch kids. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right you're just not convincing me here, okay? >> fine do you want to see my id old man? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah i do. stop calling me old man. i think you're older than me. [ laughter ] >> waazzaap. >> jimmy: that's a card that says craig is 23 on it. >> oh, man, i got to go. my beeper's beeping. [ laughter ] but hey, yo i love the show jimmy. spk for life. >> jimmy: what's spk? >> sour patch kids old man! >> jimmy: all right, craig newton everyone. there he his, craig newton. [ cheers and applause ] craig newton everybody. still -- craig is everything okay where you are? it looks like the walls are moving craig. lll >> steve: spk. >> jimmy: chris kattan right there ladies and gentlemen. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. check this out. this is kind of big actually. researchers in italy

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show. you know, something pretty crazy happened during the world cup today. anybody watching the world cup at all? i've been joking a lot about soccer being boring, but something that definitely was not boring happened today. uruguay forward luis suarez bit an italian player. he bit him. watch on the right side of your screen. they're playing soccer. >> a slash inside the penalty area. >> that's normal. he starts grabbing his teeth, he's grabbing his shoulder. a little nibble there that went on. here's another angle on it. and then he holds his face like he got shouldered in the teeth or something. it's like jennifer beals in "flashdance" all of a sudden. yeah, this guy's done this three times now. he's been suspended for it twice. last year he to the a ten-game suspension for biting a player. now he bit an italian. one or two bites is one thing. but when you bite thee people, i think that's considered to be a spree, right? it might even be classified to be a value fire no-- vampire no. it

actor "jimmy kimmel live"! ic >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tom cruise. from "mistresses", alyssa milano and music from boyz ii men. with cleto and the cletones. and now, right back at you, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] fired up. you picked the right night to be here. we have a big something for everyone tonight. each of our guests tonight has stood the test of time, alyssa milano is here, boys ii men is here, and the guy from that movie "cocktail" tom cruise is here. [ cheers and applause ] or is tom cruise already here dressed in black and dangling from our ceiling? no, he isn't. he is not. no. this is interesting. you know the university of illinois and arizona state teamed up for a study. they looked at statistics for the 47 most damaging hurricanes, over the last 60 years in the united states. they found on average hurricanes with female names killed twice as many people. really. figure out why, they surveyed hu

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: right before i came out, there was a guy named rodney that works here. he goes, check your zipper. i did one of these. and it was fine. it was zipped up. we've had a lot of visitors from out of town tonight. if this is your first time in hollywood, those super heroes outside, they will not save you. if your life is in danger, they will be of no help. in fact, they'll probably be the reason your life is in danger. i notice there are new transformers outside. that's because there's a new movie. a new spiderman movie comes out, all of a sudden the street is crawling with spidermans. if you haven't seen the previous three transformers, there are these alien cars that turn into robots. there, you're all caught up. [ laughter ] you have enough of the movie. one of the stars of that movie is here with us tonight. her name is nicola peltz. and the one and only bob newhart, comedy legend. personally, he's one of my all-time favorites and it's an honor him bein

>> jimmy: yeah. steve: he needs a pand-aide >> jimmy: that's his heat. yeah. one more time. ♪ all right. that's it. there you go. [ applause ] hashtag the panda, everybody. there he is. [ cheers and applause ] this is pretty big news here. "gangnam style" just became the first youtube video to get more than 2 billion views. [ cheers and applause ] and this is -- this is interesting. it's also the first video to -- >> hey jimmy. sorry to interrupt. but you're about do the dance, right? >> jimmy: i'm sorry? >> the "gangnam style" dance? come on. let's see it. right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no. no. no! [ jimmy chants ] shut up. don't' do this to me! i'll tell you what. i was actually going to tell a a joke about it being the first video to get to two billion views. that's all i was trying to do. >> okay. let's see. which one does america want? a joke or for you to do the "gangnam style" dance? [ cheers and applause ] i think we want to see the "gangnam style" dance. do the dance. >> jimmy: i'm

>> jimmy: how are you?hank you. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: thanks for being here. this is super-fun. last time i saw you, we wore really tight pants. >> oh, my god. everywhere i go. >> jimmy: right? >> it's like --it's not about my work. it's not about my singles, my songs, it's about tight pants. everywhere i go. my daughter is doing it now. >> jimmy: no. >> emmy is doing the tight pants. >> jimmy: the idea, if you didn't see it -- we did a sketch. it's on youtube, but where -- i'm very proud of wearing my tight pants. i think i'm the only one in town wearing tight pants. and then you come on -- >> but little did you know -- >> jimmy: little did i know you came on and you had tight pants -- tighter pants on. >> it was so fun. >> jimmy: it was the most fun thing, and it blew up on youtube. i think it was like 8 million hits in four days or something. >> it was crazy. >> jimmy: so thank you for doing that. it was super fun. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was so embarrassed! i'm like, i am not as funny as you. i don'

>> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: excuse me. dikembe! >> mutombo! ♪ >> jimmy: dikembe!mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> oh watch it. >> jimmy: excuse me. dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe! >> mutombo! [ car horn ] >> jimmy: have you seen my friend? has anybody seen my friend? where the [ bleep ] is this guy? [ laughter ] sorry. sorry. dikembe! >> mutombo! >> jimmy: i'd like to file a missing person's report. i can't find my friend and i've looked all over for him. >> what does he look like? >> jimmy: hard to -- do you have a piece of paper? maybe a pen? >> yes. ♪ >> jimmy: he looks like this. [ laughter ] >> uh, thanks. could you describe him? >> jimmy: yeah he's, uh, 7'2", african gentleman. >> what is his name? >> jimmy: it's dikembe. >> mutombo! >> jimmy: dikembe? >> mutombo! >> jimmy: i'm sitting on his lap aren't i? >> i win again! yay! i win again, yay! >> jimmy: you always win. [ applause ] here, put this on and i'll hide. [ applause ] >> mississippi one. mississippi two. mississippi three. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have until mississippi twelve. i co

they're still with me, jimmy. still with me, jimmy. >> jimmy: still with you.ing of your fans, you have an interesting promotion designed to promote the new cd. which is -- people, if they pay $5,000 they will get what? >> no, we put together a package. they can buy bundles with a t-shirt, album, and like something that i signed and then, we came up with maybe if we, like have a weekend like where they can hang out with us. we put $5,000, they can come and -- >> jimmy: to where? >> hang out at the house. >> jimmy: at your house? >> yeah. it sold out. it sold out. i was like, wit i cait, i can c your house? >> jimmy: will they sleep over your house? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how many people can you, how many people can you get in your house? >> it's big. like a small hotel. >> jimmy: how many people are you allowing to be a part of this. >> a bunch. >> jimmy: you don't know. >> it is going to be a party. >> jimmy: how involved will you be with them. if they have a bad dream can they come sleep with you? >> i'm going to look my door that night. >> jimmy: lock your door.

now, you know what else -- here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for watching. we have a show on in primetime earlier tonight. here we are with the second one. we might do a third show in the middle of the night if i feel up to it. who knows. america, this country is gripped with basketball fever this week, game three of the nba playoffs tonight. did you know that before, before the game of basketball was invented, they used to feed tall people to alligators. they were considered to be worthless. uh-huh. at american airlines arena in miami, and the noise from the crowd in miami was deafening. have you ever heard the sound of 10,000 life alert bracelets all going off at the same time. it is an experience you will not soon forget. there has been a lot of flopping so far this series. flopping is when you pretend you got knocked down. dwayne wade had a great flop in game two, he was being guarded by manu giniobli. i don't know what word you would use to describe this other than masterful. never trust the player. >> jimmy: good advice, ladies.

and now, here's he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome.nk you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] oh, oh, it's a hot crowd. welcome everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you for being here everyone. [ cheers and applause ] we got a great show tonight. it's gonna be fun. here's what people are talking about. it's a very big weekend for basketball fans. if for first time in nba playoffs history tomorrow there will be three game sevens on the same day. [ audience oohs ] very exciting. even better news, donald sterling can't go to any of them. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's not allowed. also a big weekend in washington. tomorrow night reporters and the celebrities will attend the white house correspondents dinner. which is going awkward when the reporters from cnn just spend all night trying to find their table. [ laughter ] day 17 of the table search. breaking news. we still haven't found the table. [ laughter ] we're on our way to -- that's right. reporters and politicians will attend the white house correspondents d

thanks, jimmy. i will be playing andi, a 26-year-old bachelorette trying to fall in love with one of the guys in the house. >> tariq: and i'll be playing cody, a 28-year-old personal trainer who is thankful to be here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great. whenever you're ready. >> tariq: i just want you to know that my biggest thing tonight, andi, is that i'm so thankful to be here. >> questlove: i know you are. >> tariq: and i love nick, he's a great guy. but for someone to make fun of me for being thankful -- >> questlove: what are you saying? >> tariq: well, you know, he's like, oh, mr. thankful. you're so thankful. [ laughter ] >> questlove: wow. >> tariq: and the last thing you want to do is make fun of a a man for being thankful. >> questlove: of course. >> tariq: and look, i've got bromances in the house, but man to man, you leave my thankfulness out of it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. very dramatic scene. questlove and tariq, everybody. [ cheers and applaus

and now, ready or not, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. it's good to be back. i see it's good to be back because we were on vacation last week. every once in a while we do that. we have to. you know, we're working like an hour and a half a day here. every day. and it's exhausting. so i went fly-fishing in the bahamas to relax. i was fishing for what they call bone fish. it's the first time i ever did. usually i'll fish for trout. but bone fish are a lot stronger. when you catch them, they run like hell. which makes sense because if i got a random hook in my mouth when i was eating i would run like hell also. but when you hook them, you have to let them go. you have to let them run until they get tired. and then you reel them in and then they'll make another run for it, they run again and you let them go until they get tired, you reel them in, you keep doing that over and over again until they give up. it's the same philosophy i use when it comes to women. [ laughte

show them -- yeah, gentle pressure. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: so cool. >> jimmy? jimmy? lay down. do it lightly. i'm not going to do that at all. >> so cool, right? >> jimmy: that was -- >> one of my favorites. >> jimmy: this is just great. >> you want to give a ride with an elephant? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: what do i do? what do i do? what do i do? >> there a -- you're going to grab on to the holsters up here. and then straddle those big legs around -- there you go. you're going to get the ride of your life. [ cheers and applause ] so cool, right? [ cheers and applause ] so awesome. it's not every day you get a a wedgie from an elephant. >> jimmy: thank you very much! jeff musial you can catch him live -- jeff animal guy tour.com for tickets. f.u.n. performs at the universal music plaza as soon as we get back. thank you very much. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this one goes out to all the congestion sufferers who feel like there's a brick on their face. who are so congested, it feels like the walls are closing in. ♪ who are so stuffed up, they feel like

>> right now on jimmy qifl -- jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- curtis "50 cent" jackson. jenny slate. the national spelling bee champs. and music from one republic with cleto and the cletones and now, look at this, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone! welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me here on this night of basketball. earlier tonight here on abc the san antonio spurs hosted the miami heat in game one of the nba final series. and the ratings were so good, they've already announced plans for a game two. that will be fun. could be as early as sunday they're saying. most people seem to want the spurs to win. unless you live in miami rooting for the heat is like rooting for cobra over the karate kid. san antonio is heat hater central, there is a weatherman, on the local fox station in san antonio. his name is sean stevens. since it has been very warm there, sean found a we to work a heat reference into almost every one of his weather reports this week. what you are about

>> jimmy: yeah.n't even know what to think about this. our pal, andy cohen. we love andy cohen. he's developing a new reality show called "i slept with a a celebrity." it's where regular people talk about one nightstands they had with famous people. [ cheers ] higgins, you ever slept with a a celebrity? >> steve: does howdy doody count? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. nevermind. >> steve: or hamburglar? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did hamburglar say to you to get you to sleep with him? >> steve: nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. nevermind. nevermind. sorry -- sorry i asked. >> steve: i was wondering. i don't know. i don't know! >> jimmy: sorry i asked. yeah. i think they are both celebrities. all right. good. i just read about this company in washington that is planning to sell a new marijuana infused coffee. [ cheers ] coffee plus weed. it'll leave you feeling exactly the same as you did before you drank it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i feel normal. an

jimmy! jimmy! jimmy!o beautiful puerto vallarta, mexico. [ laughter ] where i'll watch the sunrise over the crystal blue waters then post a photo on instagram with a caption that says, "meh." [ laughter ] >> after i win, imma go get my hair did. [ laughter ] and i'm gonna hit up applebees because, you know, tonight is girls night out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: after i win, i'm gonna stuff myself inside a a duffel bag so only my head is sticking out. [ laughter ] and then ride around on an airport baggage carousel yelling, "a little help!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> after i win, i'm gonna buy a a boat, and i'm going to name it s.s. h.h.h., so whenever somebody asks me how i pronounce it, i can be like, "syour honorh!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: after i win, i'm gonna send you a greeting card every year on the anniversary of this day and all it's going to say is "happy graduation, debra." [ laughter ] >> after i win, i'm gonna start texting you. but you see that litt

to do jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: no one likes to do jimmy fallon.e i saw you -- oh, no. i've seen you since then. but last time -- do you remember when we flew together? you have to remember this. it was maybe last -- i was crying last -- >> that's not a euphemism. [ laughter ] that's not -- >> jimmy: no one thought it was a euphemism at all. >> that night -- that night we flew together. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i remember when we flew together. >> jimmy: yeah, we flew. >> let's do it again. let's do it again. >> jimmy: we were on the same flight. [ laughter ] we were on the same flight. >> yeah, we were coming back from the emmys or the globes. >> jimmy: yeah. and then, we were looking through the sky mall. >> sky mall! it's the best! >> jimmy: sky mall magazine is best thing -- i've ever -- i buy all my stuff from sky mall. >> you carried around a page of it for a year. >> jimmy: yeah. >> which is that cushion where the woman is sleeping front down. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: anytime i need a a laugh, i look at that photo. >> it looks like she's been hit

>> jimmy: have you thought about just growing one? >> no. no. >> jimmy: no, no, no? >> never did.called duster -- porn duster or dusterstache, you know, he was called pornstache we needed something big, walrusy, that's what we got. >> jimmy: what do actual prison guards think of your character. ever hear from those people? >> yeah, i got a couple hits on twitter from those guys. it was a little disturbing, you know. i only realized in retrospect how disturbing it is. the main comment they said was wow, he is so realistic. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> if you've seep the show, i mean -- he's not that wholesome. >> jimmy: no. >> as you said. his behavior is pretty suspect. so if that's what prison -- prison guards of america are doing -- >> jimmy: it's very suspect, yes. do they get netflix in prison? are the prisoners watching this show? >> good question. >> jimmy: any letters from them? they'll write letters if they're seeing -- >> prisoners. prisoners do that, i've heard that. right, they have a lot of time. >> jimmy: i happen to get a lot of letters from prisoners. >> i'm sure you do. >>

and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everyone. that's what i'm talking about right there. welcome. what a great crowd. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody, thank you for being here. thank you for being a great crowd already. [ cheers and applause ] hot, hot crowd. thank you, guys. here's what people are talking about here. president obama made some people mad on friday, as he was spotted chewing gum during a a ceremony to commemorate d-day. of course most people didn't noticed, because they were distracted by biden eating a a tootsie pop. he's like -- [ crunching ] two licks and one crunch. i told you. that's right, president obama faced some criticism for chewing gum during a d-day ceremony. he's like sorry, but if i don't get my nicorette there is going to be another war on this beach. [ laughter ] get this, in a new interview hillary clinton said that she wants to travel this year and won't make any announcements about plans to run for president until 2015.

and now moving right along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. it means the world to me, it really does. today was an eventful day. today was one of those days that we'll talk about for the rest of our lives. today, the 44th president of the united states went on television to make this incredible announcement. >> i'm gay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i knew it. he tried to throw us off track with the golf and the mom jeans, but i knew it all along. i have something you call gaydar. amazon announced that -- they decided to just going back to be a bookstore. earlier today, amazon's ceo unveiled the company's first-ever phone, a smartphone which they're calling the fire phone. what's notable is the screen is 3-d. which i think means you pay an extra $6 every time you use it. there are four infrared cameras on the front of the phone that track your head movements and the phone adjusts to make it appear the images are three dimensional. the if the government told us they were going to track our movements, we would be furious. but then a website does it. fa