mind, jimmy!'re the one that goes on tour with them? >> they might have had a tryst. rattle and hum tour. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: which one rattled? >> which one hummed? >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: three seconds on the clock. >> those guys don't pronounce ts. "raddlin' humhar." >> jimmy: [ gibberish ] >> all right, here we go. three seconds on the clock. the impossible game for burgers that will never be bought. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i will, i'll buy them. i promise. >> i'm never going to eat ten burgers. all right here we go. [ nicolas cage impression ] this plane is going down! [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: nicolas cage -- some type of, one of those things where the plane is going down. oh wait -- "con air"! >> yeah! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] wait. >> jimmy: that was good. >> wait, should i have been happy or should i have been bummed? i wanted the burgers. >> jimmy: either way you get the burgers, all right? >> that's not the point man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah yeah yeah. o

>> jimmy: what's your name? >> omar. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> abe. >> jimmy: abe and omar. never met an abe and omar together before. are you brothers? friends? >> friends. >> jimmy: you're here on san francisco? >> no. canada. >> jimmy: canada. i saw your jersey. what part of canada are you from? >> edmonton alberta. >> jimmy: it's cold there, huh? >> it's freezing. >> jimmy: is site cold right now? >> thunderstorms. >> jimmy: you won't be able to wear those sandals back home, right? >> nope. >> jimmy: oh, you won't. and how much longer are you going to be here? >> leaving tomorrow morning. >> jimmy: oh, you are. you really don't need those sandals at all. >> why? you want them? >> jimmy: well, yeah. wound you mind giving them to my cousin sal? we're trying to clean up the streets, now that summer is over. abe, you, too. yeah. by the way, did you plan to wear matching sandals? or is that a happy coincidence? >> happy coincidence. >> jimmy: well, it's time -- sal, throw them -- >> one, two, three. happy coincidence. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know, the good news is, when yo

how you doing, jimmy? >> jimmy: jeezy, future, the roots!t with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- heidi klum, actor kieran culkin, comedian leslie jones, fred-ex with fred armisen, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? doing good? [ cheers ] that's great to hear. a little political news. let's start off with a little political news. president obama has announced a former google executive will serve as his cabinet's new chief technology officer. when the google exec was asked how he felt about the new job, he gave 79,000 responses. [ laughter and applause ]

tickets to jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: guys? >> look, man -- >> jimmy: guys? i don't know. >> you can get inside. >> jimmy: they cannot come into jimmy kimmel's office. >> i think i have some change. >> jimmy: no. >> oh. i got it. >> jimmy: guys, can you hear me? the show has started already. it's jimmy. >> hey, jimmy. how's it going, man? >> jimmy: going okay. what are you guys doing out there? >> just selling some souvenirs and stuff. >> jimmy: like what exactly are you selling? oh, you're selling tickets to the show? >> jimmy: no, we're not. that's illegal. what is that woman holding? >> we're trying to fill the seats up in there. >> jimmy: the seats are full in here. we don't need that kind of thing. >> 60. >> jimmy: look at that. it's randy there with you, too. what kind of shirts do you have there? >> i made these. these are homemade. >> jimmy: bubbles made them. >> this is the kenny. >> jimmy: they look great. >> we have a guillermo, too. >> jimmy: it's guillermo, the way it goes. those look really great. a little misspelling there. but hey, listen. i'd

i'm jeff skversky, jimmy kimmel take it a away. >> jimmy: it's jimmy. >> hi, jimmy. come in. >> jimmy: thank you. i hope i'm not bothering you. >> no, no. >> jimmy: i want to thank you for being on the show. >> i don't mind it. >> jimmy: and this is a big night for me because not only are you here, but i just finished my screenplay so -- >> you wrote a screenplay? >> jimmy: i did, yeah. it's kind of a passion project for me. took me five years to write this thing so -- and i hope this isn't inappropriate, but i kind of wrote it with, hoping you would play the lead. >> you wrote it with me in mind to play the lead? >> jimmy: yeah, not only with you in mind i wrote it really for you. >> well, jimmy, what an honor. i mean, i'm bowled over. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, you know, anything you want to do here. >> jimmy: really? >> happy to do it. as long as -- as long as i'm not playing like god or president or doing any narration. >> jimmy: okay. thanks so much for coming. >> no. >> jimmy: i'll see you tonight. i'm not quite finished with it. >> i can just read through it.

jimmy, i can't talk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. oh, thanks. i'm good now. i'm good, i'm good. can you say what's happening on this season's "black list," anything? >> i got this cut on my hand? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see, that's what i'm talking about. you're not allowed to reveal anything. like, i heard some inside stuff. >> well, okay. >> jimmy: i can tell you what's going on. >> i know that paul reubens is coming on our show. >> jimmy: pee-wee herman himself. >> pee-wee herman! >> jimmy: paul reubens. [ cheers and applause ] >> he's brilliant. >> jimmy: yes, and he's coming on the show. he's like -- [ as pee-wee herman ] ha ha, hm-hm-hm. that's right, man! [ laughter ] >> that's really great! >> jimmy: no, but he's doing a a different character. he's a villain. >> yeah. let me paint a picture for you. >> jimmy: okay. he's a great actor. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like him. >> paul reubens. >> jimmy: yeah. >> james spader. >> jimmy: hm-hmm. that's the picture? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: you left a lot open there. a very abstract p

>> jimmy: it's called five. >> steve: five. >> jimmy: it's number one. >> steve: wait. >> jimmy: numberumber one. >> steve: number five -- the album is number five? >> jimmy: vive. >> steve: vive. >> jimmy: a very tricky title. plus she's a 14 time emmy award winner. gosh, we've known her forever. she's the best. she has a new daytime talk show starting this monday. it's across the hall from us. so the hallway's jumping with fun things, cause, the last time we had a neighbor it was dr. oz. >> steve: yeah and there was always like kidneys and intestines. not fun. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: see i think that is fun. and, yeah. but now, we got all sorts of fun games and stuff like that. and big celebrities and stuff like that. so we're friends with these guys. and thus, it's starting this monday, the show. very excited about this. merideth vierra is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: and we have music from maroon 5 everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this is the album. >> steve: greater than. >> jimmy: it's called "greater than." >> steve: it's called "greater than." >>

>> jimmy: no. >> you didn't? >> jimmy: is it real?nd. >> jimmy: why didn't i see the bowling alley? i got to look at plates. i got to look at everyone's china. which i didn't want to see. >> i saw -- i have a higher level of clearance than you. >> jimmy: did you bowl? >> no, you know what i did -- well, i didn't have time. because i had to see the oval office, but i held a bowling ball and i stood next to the photograph of obama, who had a bowling ball and i did the same pose as him and input it on twitter. i tweeted, "bowling with the prez." >> jimmy: so you held the bowling ball but you did not throw the bowling ball. >> i was worried about -- if i don't bowl good enough, they might not let me go to the oval office and i really want to get there, because that's the creme de la creme of the whole experience. >> jimmy: did you see the president? >> yes, at the correspondents dinner, not at the white house, but he was like three tables away. took a picture of him and tweeted it. but i thought about rushing up there. >> jimmy: that's wh

>> jimmy: yeah, i wrote it with you in mind. >> jimmy, i'm honored. i mean -- i'm bowled over. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, you know, anything you want to do, yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> you have to do. as long as -- as long as not playing, like, god or a president or doing any narrations. >> jimmy: okay, well -- thanks so much for coming -- >> no, no. >> jimmy: it's -- i'm not quite finished with it. >> i want to read it -- >> jimmy: just -- >> i want to read the thing. >> jimmy: okay. >> and it was at that moment i realized jimmy kimmel is a dumb ass. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- morgan freeman. julianne hough. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from ingrid michaelson. with cleto and the cletones. and now, in all honesty, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. that's very nice of you. thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we have a -- we have a great show for you tonight. we have all the

>> jimmy, i am -- i am pissed. >> jimmy: are you?jimmy: you were very competitive. >> i didn't know you had to ring and then talk. you had to ring in and jimmy says, you ring in first and then you answer. >> jimmy: but there weren't any situations where you both had the answer -- >> he was just screaming j.lo, love, like -- i'm so mad. >> jimmy: are you really competitive? >> just a little. >> jimmy: just a little bit. >> i really wanted to one that. i'm really very annoyed with that. >> jimmy: you got married recently. congratulations. >> yes, thank you. >> jimmy: and now your last name is almost impossible to say. cuoco-sweeting. it sounds like a norwegian breakfast cereal or something. >> i did hyphenate because it is kind of an adorable addition. sweeting. it's just -- you know, we say life is sweeting because we're dorky like that. we have it engraved on things. >> jimmy: do you really? i know. life is sweeting. it's like -- so silly. it's just, you know -- >> jimmy: it is cute. but also vomitous in a way. >> a little, yeah. >>

] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. welcome. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i cherish you. i'm glad you're in an enthusiastic mood. we have a very good show planned for you tonight. sarah silverman is on the show. for those of you who don't know. sarah and i dated -- during the whole paris hilton administration. we dated. [ laughter ] and we broke up. but we're cool. i hope we're cool, otherwise this is going to be very awkward. seriously, i'm especially glad that sarah's here tonight. we lost a comedy legend today. the great joan rivers passed away today. she was 81 years old. besides being a pioneer for women in comedy, joan was a lucky person because she loved her job so much. she never wanted to stop. she didn't have to stop because she was so great at it. i had the good fortune of having joan on the show, i think like six times. i want to show a clip from the last time she was here. she was so funny. keep in mind when you see this, this

>> steve: rokus. >> jimmy: haikus. >> steve: haikus. >> jimmy: hulus. >> steve: hulus. >> jimmy: bige: bee bops, your bleep blorps. >> jimmy: yep. >> steve: film cameras. >> jimmy: yep, the red camera. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: 5k kodak brownie. >> steve: the roku. >> jimmy: for this mondays "tonight show" coming up. i've very excited about this. emmy, grammy, oscar, tony, and golden globe award winner barbara streisand will be here. >> steve: barbara! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: this will be barbara's first late night talk show guest appearance in over 50 years! >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: 5-0. i'm so honored. i can't wait. that's gonna be fun. she has a new album duets album called "partners." her and, like, everybody. stevie wonder, michael buble, blake shelton, all these guys. it's a great record. she's gonna come on, sing a a song, maybe do a bit. >> steve: maybe. >> jimmy: who knows, she might even just host the show. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: i might not even be here. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah. i'm gonna be at home watching with you guys. >> steve: becau

[ cheers and applause ] jimmy! >> jimmy: hi, elmo! >> what's up, jimmy?>> boy, elmo hasn't been here since it's been "the tonight show." this is swanky. >> jimmy: yeah, that is -- you said swanky? >> swanky. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you, elmo. that's big word for you, swanky. >> that's a nice watch. how much this cost? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know how much it costs, elmo. [ elmo laughs ] elmo? >> what? >> jimmy: all right, ready. so, this first tweet is from @henrybossgolf. >> okay. >> jimmy: he says -- >> "when i first learned the alphabet, i thought it went, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, elemno, p." >> jimmy: there you go. thank you very much. thank you, elmo. that's funny! [ cheers and applause ] here to read the next tweet is cookie monster. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello! hi. hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: great to see you, cookie monster. >> it's good to see you. >> jimmy: now, cookie monster, this next tweet is from @bernalornothing. she says -- >> okay. okay. "i ate cheerios at least two at a time so none of them would be lonely." [ audience aws ]

the roots and jimmy here in the -- >> jimmy: it wasn't a big deal, eric. >> this is so cool. >> jimmymore of these sausages, i'll be fine. >> sorry i got mad at you. >> jimmy: now -- >> i'm sorry i got mad at you. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> for a present -- for a surprise, this was really awesome. >> okay. >> jimmy: now, now -- now, "tim and eric's bedtime stories." >> yeah. >> jimmy: 12:15. adult swim. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's very, very funny. you guys -- the first episode, you guys and zach galifianakis, you get money from your grandfather. an inheritance, and you flip out. you go crazy. you're so excited, and how much money is it? >> $1,000. >> jimmy: $1,000, yeah. [ laughter ] only one thing, you have to -- >> live in the haunted house for the rest of our life. >> jimmy: you have to live in a a haunted house for the rest of your life. [ laughter ] >> good deal. >> jimmy: i want to show a a clip. here's the new adult swim series "tim and eric's bedtime stories." check it out. >> listen up. i want to introduce you to my new neighbor, murph, right here. >> murph! >> now, what's i

>> oh, unlucky. >> jimmy: all right. >> all right. >> jimmy: all right.se ] what do we get? what do you reckon? thirteen? oh. [ audience ohs ] it's gonna be a long game. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: three hours later, yeah. >> it's a little bit of a -- oh, yes, yes, yes! yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was skill right there. >> what was that? was that a stripe or solid? >> jimmy: that was a stripe. yeah. >> that was a stripe. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. >> i love the music. >> jimmy: that was just way off. that was just terrible. >> solid. you've left me nothing. come on, man. >> jimmy: all right. >> oh. boo. the goalkeeper in there. oh! [ audience ohs ] there it is! [ cheers and applause ] oh, oh, oh, oh! >> jimmy: all right. >> oh, no, here he goes. here we go -- oh. oh! >> jimmy: this is like me in real life, i'm awful at pool. >> so, i'm allowed to -- >> jimmy: yeah. is this for the win? >> no. >> jimmy: no? well, you set me up perfect. don't move. there we go, yeah. [ cheers ] ♪ >> that's it. here we go. that's for the win. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: yeah, that's true. >> don't make it easy for me, put the name, jimmy. >> jimmy: that is timho is that guy? >> alan something? i don't know. >> jimmy: no, martin short. >> martin short. yeah. >> jimmy: okay. do you know this woman? >> yeah, she look beautiful. i don't know. >> jimmy: she's on the show "grey's anatomy." >> the guy, what's his name, patrick dempdempsey. >> jimmy: that's not him. that's ellen pompeo. >> oh. she look like english woman. >> jimmy: she is not english. she's american. did you see the show "breaking bad." >> yeah. >> jimmy: she was on that show. >> with the bald guy. >> jimmy: that's right. that's anna gunn. she will be here. and -- finally -- that's it, finally. all right. >> that's jimmy, guys. >> jimmy: god bless you, yehya. we'll be right back with clark gregg. applebee's let the fans put their favorite dishes on the famous 2 for $20 menu. why did i vote for the quesadilla burger to go on applebee's 2 for $20 menu? because i believe in the power of uniting bubbly, melty cheese and crispy tortillas. it's a burger inside the quesadilla. whaaat? it'

-- >> jimmy: 17. >> 18. >> jimmy: 18, yeah. >> yeah.immy: but you used to come on all the time and then -- i believe we have a photo of you i think here. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah of you on "the tonight show with johnny carson." >> let me see that. i don't remember that. let me see. [ laughter ] oh my god. >> jimmy: yeah, that's you. >> where's that dress? [ laughter ] who are -- who are the other people? who are the people there? do you know? >> jimmy: there's ed mcmahon, johnny carson -- >> right. >> jimmy: ed mcmahon, and then someone laughing -- you're making someone laugh. [ laughter ] that looks like me from 50 years ago. >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: yeah. isn't that cool? now, here we are in the same exact set up. >> really? >> jimmy: and you're here again. >> the first time i was on television, it wasn't even the jack paar show because he didn't like me. >> jimmy: he didn't like you? >> no, he didn't like me. the first time i was on was with, with orson bean being the guest host. >> jimmy: that's what they used to do back then. abso

nobu. >> steve: nobu. >> jimmy: nobu. >> steve: nobu. >> jimmy: nobu. >> steve: no boo-boo. >> jimmy: hey yogi. i like eating a nobu. >> jimmy: hey, nobu! hey, guys, it's time for "tonight show hashtags." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] it's fun, we use twitter on our show every single week. so, if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so, since it's my birthday tomorrow and i've been getting a lot of gifts -- [ cheers and applause ] i've been getting a lot of gifts, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called #worstgiftever. and i asked you guys to tweet out the worst gift you or someone you know ever gave or received. we got thousands of tweets, within 15 minutes, it was a a worldwide trending topic. [ cheers and applause ] so, thank you for those tweets. so now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite worst gift ever tweets from you guys. the first one is from @kel

rotate. >> jimmy: hi, jimmy. >> how you doing? applause ] . ♪ this is the best time i'm having the best time ♪ >> i'm getting a call. oh, hi, sarah, how are you? okay. a quart of milk. [ laughter ] gluten free bread. and 400 pairs of shoes. [ laughter ] [ horn ] >> jimmy: i go here. >> oh, my god, you guys are so awesome. oh my god! god you're awesome! you're so great. i love everything you do. i've seen everything you've done. and even if i didn't see it, i love it. you're awesome. you're so great. [ laughter ] [ applause ] tell me -- tell me. tell me. nathan, when did you first realize you were a homosexual? [ laughter ] >> i'm a -- i forgot who i was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's start fighting! [ horn ] >> here we go. >> jimmy: i was getting over here. >> on me now. >> jimmy: i'm back to us. we're back to this. you guys, see this magic on broadway. matthew broderick, nathan lane, "it's only a play." oh, my goodness. october 9th, go check it out. robert plant joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ a

butter, jimmy.hat was so five seconds ago. she's so 2000-late. it's time to go, but we leave you with a game of celebrity alphabetical order. okay, you put these celebrity in alphabetical order. kristen bell and wilmer value der ram ma. i will give you the answer next time. but until then, i'm guillermo, and this is "mucho"! >> mucho! >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. tonight on the show, we have music from jeezy. lara spencer is here. and we'll be right back with patrick dempsey. take and... exhale.in... aflac! and a gentle wavelike motion... aahhh- ahhhhhh. liberate your spine, ahhh-ahhhhhh aflac! and reach, toes blossoming... not that great at yoga. yeah, but when i slipped a disk he paid my claim in just four days. ahh! four days? yep. find out how fast aflac can pay you, at aflac.com. nothing will keep you from magnum. made with silky vanilla bean ice cream, rich caramel sauce and belgian chocolate. discover magnum chocolate pleasure. olive garden's starting at $9.99. bowl endless bowls of pasta

jimmy fallon. >> jimmy fallin?a a very talented artist. her name is carly rae jepsen, here is "call me maybe." ♪ hey, i just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ it's hard to look right at you baby but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ hey, i just met you >> jimmy: whoa! [ cheers ] ♪ and this is crazy but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ and all the other boys try to chase me but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ before you came into my life i missed you so bad i missed you so bad ♪ ♪ i missed you so, so bad before you came into my life i missed you so bad and you should know that ♪ ♪ i missed you so so bad ♪ >> jimmy: i mean, come on. [ cheers and applause ] oh my goodness. gwen stefani just did carly rae jepsen. that was awesome. all right. >> that was good. >> jimmy: we're going to do one more round. [ cheers and applause ] it's a pretty tight race. blake shelton kick it off dude. [ laughter ] [ clears throat ] >> jimmy: you don't have to clear your throat for a li

jimmy: close enough. [ laughter ] next one is from vladmir putin, he replied, "a walk among the tombstones." maybe he's talking about the new liam neeson movie out. very creepy, good movie. lets see the question. describe your perfect first date. [ laughter and applause ] see, i don't think he's talking about the movie. but things are different in russia than they are here. so i don't know. >> steve: different culture, we can't judge. >> jimmy: what a country. >> steve: yeah, what a country. [ laughter ] that's your favorite drink isn't it? yakov smirnoff? >> jimmy: this one's from -- [ laughter ] here's one from author stephen king. he responded, "it's complex, a a little too long but one of the most classic pieces of american literature." here's the question. what do you think of the cheesecake factory's menu? [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah, it is. >> jimmy: oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. [ laughter ] it is a good read. >> steve: look at page 400. >> jimmy: they're making a a movie about it next year

>> jimmy: yes. [ laughter and applause ] please go back to your seat. >> already there, jimmy. >> jimmyra high-definition tv. the curve changes everything. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more of the tonight show, everybody! ♪ you read the labels on the foods you eat - but do you know what's in your skincare? neutrogena naturals. a line of nutrient-rich skincare with pure, naturally derived ingredients, carefully chosen and clinically proven to cleanse, purify and moisturize... and you'll never find any harsh chemical sulfates, parabens or unnecessary additives. healthy skin-starts from within. neutrogena naturals. learn more at neutrogenanaturals.com. ♪ it's in this spirit that ingu u.s. is becoming a new kind of company. ing u.s. is now voya. changing the way you think of retirement. at t-mobile, get 4 lines for just $100 bucks. with unlimited talk & text and now up to 10gb of 4g lte data. grab the hottest new phones. get the best trade-in value on your current phone guaranteed. let's see the other guys beat that. get 4 lines for $100 bucks. and the best trade-in value guar

hey, jimmy -- jimmy. i got this, man. i got this. >> jimmy: i know, i'm just -- >> i got this.all ready know. we're only doing two strikes. >> jimmy: okay. >> there's one strike on the board. so you got to be careful. the fallon family can steal. [ laughter ] james? name another term for marijuana. >> ganja. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now wait! [ cheers and applause ] >> ganja! [ dings ] [ cheers and applause ] whoo-hoo! whoo! [ all shouting at once ] >> jimmy: ganja? >> we're back to you, questlove. you got one strike, got to be careful. fallon family can steal. name another term for marijuana. >> pot. >> whoo! >> good answer. >> pot! [ buzzer ] [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> you're supposed to huddle up. >> jimmy: hey, hey. >> you huddle up, jimmy. >> jimmy: sorry. >> play the game. >> jimmy: i did, i did! i played it right. absolutely. great job, guys. >> great. okay, here's your chance to steal. name another term for marijuana. >> jimmy: grass, grass? [ laughter ] >> grass. what? what? >> what is grass? >> says grass!

yeah, full on. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's a lot.e were just raisins everywhere. [ laughter ] everywhere. >> jimmy: that sounds about right. yeah, yeah. hidden raisins. finding raisins places. that's another raisin. absolutely. yeah. >> a lot of raisins, a lot of diluted apple juice. and kids would just stop in the middle of the room and go -- [ laughter ] like all the time. do you not know that face? when they stop moving and they get real serious? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now i know the face. now i know the face. oh, honey, it's happening right now. it's happening. it's happening. >> they get like, red eyebrows. >> jimmy: they look like rob ford. [ laughter and applause ] be careful. rob ford. let's go change and we'll go to the debates, yeah. >> that's what he was busy doing. >> jimmy: believe it or not, i was doing some research on you and it's been 20 years since "my so-called life." >> yeah. >> jimmy: the 20th anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] that's amazing, right? that went fast. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: and everyone talks a

>> jimmy: no, no, no! >> i thought it was my tongue. >> jimmy: no. on. you mentioned my name 9 times. every time you mentioned it, i ran out of the dressing room. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry to confuse you. i apologize for that. >> that's okay. >> jimmy: thank you for finally coming out this last time. this one worked perfectly. i just want to thank you for everything you've done, from all your movies and all your great comedy, and for inspiring me, and inspiring millions of other people. thank you so much for everything. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: one in a million. and you've been in this studio before. >> yeah. >> jimmy: on "the tonight show" when it was johnny carson. >> yeah. but i did six weeks, because johnny was having a sex change. >> jimmy: that's not -- [ laughter ] that's not -- i don't think that's true. i don't believe that to be true. >> would i lie? would i lie? but i had the best time. >> jimmy: did you really host for six weeks? >> six weeks, yeah. >> jimmy: good lord, in a row? [ laughter ] >> they didn't tell

>> oh, god, i don't know -- jimmy -- >> jimmy: again, i'm going to play ross. >> oh, god. >> jimmy: ande first page. >> oh. >> jimmy: and so here we go. action. okay, you start. >> ummm. ross -- >> jimmy: oh, wait, sorry. i forgot something. the rachel wig. >> no, no, no, no! [ cheers and applause ] i'm not doing that, i'm not -- >> jimmy: all right. >> i've got boundaries. >> jimmy: all right, okay. okay, go. >> all right. ross, you look sad today, what's the matter? >> jimmy: rachel, we haven't made love in months. [ laughter ] how about we make love right now. your line. >> i know, jimmy. i know it's my line, but this is a really stupid line. it's dumb, this is really dumb. >> jimmy: is it dumber than living in a huge apartment in new york city for eight years, even though you work at a coffee shop? [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. >> fine. yes, ross, i would very much like to make love to you. >> jimmy: wow, that is great news, rachel. and perhaps after our lovemaking we can meet our group of friends, like monica and phoebe and we can all have breakfast together as a group

jimmy: all right.nk you. that's my dad. he has a high voice. [ laughter ] >> steve: was he in an accident? >> jimmy: he has a high voice. he's a junkie. >> steve: oh really? >> jimmy: yeah, he's a small man, yeah. >> steve: small jockey? >> jimmy: yeah, he models for jockey and wears small jockey -- >> steve: wears two small jockeys. >> jimmy: all right. yeah. big tech news, you guys. apple announced the iphone 6 today. [ cheers and applause ] hot news. which they say has a more durable screen that won't crack or scratch easily. or as your kids put it, "challenge accepted." [ laughter and applause ] that's right. apple promised less cracking, and rob ford said, "hey, that's my campaign slogan." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] why is it not no cracking? yeah. >> steve: what's his laugh? he does -- >> jimmy: he loves cracking i still cracked a little bit. what's the big deal? of course, now, everyone has to go through the four stages of buying a new iphone. i've done it. the first stage is, "i don't

and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everyone. that's what i'm talking about right there. welcome. what a great crowd. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody, thank you for being here. thank you for being a great crowd already. [ cheers and applause ] hot, hot crowd. thank you, guys. here's what people are talking about here. president obama made some people mad on friday, as he was spotted chewing gum during a a ceremony to commemorate d-day. of course most people didn't noticed, because they were distracted by biden eating a a tootsie pop. he's like -- [ crunching ] two licks and one crunch. i told you. that's right, president obama faced some criticism for chewing gum during a d-day ceremony. he's like sorry, but if i don't get my nicorette there is going to be another war on this beach. [ laughter ] get this, in a new interview hillary clinton said that she wants to travel this year and won't make any announcements about plans to run for president until 2015.

>> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. thank you so much, everybody. welcome. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody! you're here. [ cheers and applause ] "the tonight show" is happening, it's on right now. welcome. i love it because it's going to be a great show. but first, here's what everyone is talking about. big news out of washington, attorney general eric holder announced today that he is resigning after five years with the administration. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: obama's like, wait, you can do that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've got to tell me -- i'm out. see you later, dudes. [ laughter ] it's been fun. deuces. [ laughter ] but some more trouble for obama, political reporters are complaining that the white house has been asking them to edit some of their stories to make the president look better. the white house said that is not true, and those reporters should please change what they say -- or else. [ cheers and applause ] and this wee