>> jimmy: yes. all about this, every time you do it people contact me on twitter and facebook and go, "is that you or jimmy?" i sometimes go like, i don't know, is it me or jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you don't know. >> but do you it better than me. >> jimmy: no, i don't. >> yeah, you really do. >> jimmy: no. >> they're considering you to play pee-wee in the movie. >> jimmy: no they're not. >> no, they are. >> jimmy: no they're no. [ laughter ] >> i hope they're not. >> jimmy: no they're not. >> not that good. >> jimmy: they're not that good, no. well the new trailer for "the avengers" came out a a couple of days ago. it got like 48 million hits on youtube. and so we thought it would be great to actually have the man himself -- pee-wee herman, paul reubens, voice -- revoice the trailer to "the avengers." so earlier today, you went to a a recording booth and laid down a genuine pee-wee herman vocal track so here is the trailer for "avengers: age of ultron" revoiced by pee-wee herman, check it

>> jimmy: our block. >> when? >> jimmy: now. >> really?lause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: well -- [ cheers and applause ] well -- [ laughter ] >> can i keep the wardrobe? >> jimmy: yes. they don't make them like that any more. they really don't. [ cheers and applause ] carol burnett, everybody! go see her on broadway in "love letters." at the brooks atkinson theatre from october 11th to november 8th. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you know, chin acne. number 1 of my 20 is for uh-huh. not to brag, but i have the chin of a teenager. here you go. dinges for everyone! when i get hangry anything within arm's reach could be part of my number 20. hm, this is potpourri. mmmm. the amex everyday credit card, with no annual fee. it's not food. make 20 or more purchases in a monthly billing period, and earn 20% more rewards. and a coat. it's membership that rewards you for the things you already buy, everyday. what's your 20? takeand . . . exhale. . . . . aflac! and a gentle wavelike motion... ahhh- ahhhhhh. liberate

>> jimmy: i'm sorry.g -- i was watching "shrek." >> steve: you watching "shrek" again? why do you keep on watching "shrek"? >> jimmy: "get over here donkey!" doing it for the first time is ewan mcgregor. there he is. [ applause ] talented guy. [ cheers and applause ] cynthia nixon, maggie gyllenhaal, josh hamilton, this is good stuff. and then of course, we're excited to talk to this guy. we're going to talk basketball. we're gonna talk about whatever else is on his mind. [ laughter ] the great charles barkley is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah! sir charles! >> jimmy: sir charles barkley. the round mound of rebound. [ laughter ] and we got great music from wilco! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. look at this we got this albums. we got this album, and this album. you guys, well, it's monday so you know that means it's time to count down the hottest songs at the top of the charts right now. [ laughter ] [ pop sound ] [ laughter ] here we go. >> steve: here we go. >> jimmy: i don't k

think about it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can be jimmy jasper. jimmy jasper.ut those things are fun, do those reddit things. you are a talented man. i was actually watching different youtube videos of you -- there's one of you performing with sting. >> right. >> jimmy: and you sound exactly like sting. >> must have been the mics. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, it was not, it was unbelievable. you guys got to check it out. i just -- i'm just psyched to have you on the show. i'm big -- >> i like you, too, jimmy and i also like that your show is so big and successful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: awe, thank you so much for saying that. >> that kind of stuff turns me on. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's getting very sexy in here. >> what a back line you have, questlove, the fellows, this is blowing my mind. you lucked out. >> jimmy: i really lucked out, i really did. [ cheers and applause ] i'm very, very lucky and very, very appreciative to have this job. >> well, you probably deserve it, too. you probably do. >> jimmy: i appreciate that, thank you. >> who'd have tho

come on, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right.avis. >> stir it up. do it like this here. watch. let it drip in that hole and then cover the worm up. >> jimmy: we have bloody worms. >> cover them up good. >> jimmy: i think i did a pretty good job here. >> speed it up a little bit faster, please. >> you're not running this. >> jimmy: he's just trying to help. >> we need to cover this with icing. get you a big spoon like this here. >> jimmy: okay. >> you go like this and you're going to go across like this. got it? >> that wasn't across. that was down. [ laughter ] i mean -- it was down. >> jimmy: he does have a point there. it is down. >> how is that down? this is down. >> no, that's across. >> you don't even know. you don't even know. >> jimmy: okay. >> [ bleep ] security at to get him out of here. this don't make no sense, jimmy. >> jimmy: i didn't do a great job here. >> where's guillermo? that's okay. it doesn't matter. we're only putting it on here for the next step. >> you keep moving the stuff over here. >> my [ bleep ] shove

>> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> you're telling the truth. >> jimmy: no! >> oh! >> jimmy: i'm lying!iar! i won, i won, i won! i won, i won, i won! i won, i won, i won! i won, i won, i won! i'm the winner! i'm the champion! i won! [ cheers and applause ] emma stone. emma stone. >> you deserved it. >> jimmy: you guys, "birdman" is in theaters on friday. come on, you're the best. [ cheers and applause ] logan lerman joins us next. i'm a gracious winner. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ready for a great career? devry university's merit-based career catalyst scholarship can help you get started with up to $20,000 for qualified new students. apply now and start working toward your career, like devry grad, shelly joseph. as a student at devry, a business career was my goal. this was my career training ground... my professors, were also my coaches. their guidance helped me find career success... at microsoft. find your success with our career catalyst scholarship. classes start october 27. get started now. visit devry.edu ♪ when laquinta.com sends him a ready for you alert the second his room is r

jimmy fallon, three points. >> jimmy: pay attention. focus up! >> i have! >> jimmy: ready? >> yes!ice on the phone? siri? >> jimmy: no, i did not say that. >> like, suri? >> jimmy: suri. >> you better get it here, jim. >> like tom, suri, pleasure. no, not pleasure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just -- suri. [ laughter ] >> jones? [ audience ohs ] >> emma: my gosh! >> steve: emma. your turn. two points. for two points. >> that's ridiculous. >> emma: can i do sounds like? >> i really hope i know it. >> jimmy: i hope you know this. >> i think i got it, yeah. >> i hate this. >> jimmy: he's got it. >> steve: he's got it. just say anything. >> emma: tom. >> cruise? >> emma: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: two points! oh, my god! ♪ >> jimmy: i'm terribly sorry. >> that's confusing. >> jimmy: i confused you. i confused you. i'm sorry. >> all right. i get it now, okay. >> jimmy: oh, gosh. sorry. >> announcer: the password is -- >> steve: okay. michael, you begin. >> i start? >> jimmy: michael, you going to go first. >> steve: michael's turn. michael's going to go first. >> geek. >> e

>> jimmy: yes!have these -- [ buzzer ] >> questlove: ah! >> jimmy: woo-hoo! all right, all right, all right! [ applause ] >> questlove: sorry about catfish, man. i wasn't focused. >> jimmy: feels good. feels good. >> garner: i know. >> jimmy: having a good time. >> garner: we're feeling it. >> jimmy: john, start us off again. >> mulaney: we're feeling it too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, everyone's feeling it. everyone's feeling it. >> garner: it's harder to tell. >> jimmy: everyone is feeling it. here we go. >> mulaney: do i keep the old clue or do i take it away? >> jimmy: take a new one, yeah. >> mulaney: all right. oh, okay. so little dogs are these? >> questlove: puppies. >> mulaney: and then this is the type of infatuation you have when you're young. >> questlove: puppy love. >> mulaney: yeah. >> jimmy: wow. very nice. [ cheers ] >> garner: okay, this guy is blue. he's on "sesame street" and he's a -- >> jimmy: cookie monster. >> garner: okay. >> questlove: dog says -- >> mulaney: bark? [ laught

>> jimmy: marcus. >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah.fine. anderson cooper -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how many salamanders do you have? >> i just have three. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> anderson cooper's molting. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the white, the very white salamander. >> very, very white. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey! [ laughter ] the white salamander. hey! >> hey. know what you're talking about. >> jimmy: i was just doing the fonz. >> i know you're doing -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i love the fonz. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. >> jimmy: did you grow up watching a lot of tv -- >> i watched a lot of tv, a lot of -- a lot of fonzie. and i -- [ laughter ] i laugh because i'm thinking about something. >> jimmy: yeah? i assume that. >> thinking about watching old time tv and all the commercials that you watched on tv? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> you know, commercials for peanut butter. >> jimmy: yep. >> i love the jif commercial. >> jimmy: oh, you do? >> know what i especially like is when they mix it with the marshmallow. what was that thing calle

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice.hank you. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming here to visit. that's very nice. i have a -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. now it's too much. now i can tell you're patronizing me. do you guys feel safe right now? do you feel like -- you do, huh? are you aware that you're in the presence of the most dangerous person on the internet? i mentioned this last night. became a big story today. according to people at mcafee, my name, jimmy kimmel, of all the names in the world, is the most dangerous name to search online. [ laughter ] last year, i was 39th most dangerous. but i guess i really stepped up my game this year, because i am now at the top of the virus heap. [ cheers and applause ] you know -- sometimes people ask me, jimmy, why are you so dangerous and the reasanswer is don't know. if you can't handle it, go google george stephanopoulos. i'm dangerous. sometimes i even walk into costco without my thmembership card. i've neve

jimmy fallon. >> jimmy fallin?alented artist. her name is carly rae jepsen, here is "call me maybe." ♪ hey, i just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ it's hard to look right at you baby but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ hey, i just met you >> jimmy: whoa! [ cheers ] ♪ and this is crazy but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ and all the other boys try to chase me but here's my number so call me, maybe ♪ ♪ before you came into my life i missed you so bad i missed you so bad ♪ ♪ i missed you so, so bad before you came into my life i missed you so bad and you should know that ♪ ♪ i missed you so so bad ♪ >> jimmy: i mean, come on. [ cheers and applause ] oh my goodness. gwen stefani just did carly rae jepsen. that was awesome. all right. >> that was good. >> jimmy: we're going to do one more round. [ cheers and applause ] it's a pretty tight race. blake shelton kick it off dude. [ laughter ] [ clears throat ] >> jimmy: you don't have to clear your throat for a lip sync. [

>> jimmy: a vase or a vase. >> a vase. >> jimmy: a jar. >> a mason jar. >> jimmy: thank you so much forthat i could do. >> yeah, so it's not about just what you grow in your garden. there's a lot of wild foods which are so high in nutrients. because if you think about it, everything's been domesticated. so all the plants that we grow have been altered from their wild forms. so like wild lettuce or wild greens. they have spikes on them, you have to cook them. so people have altered the genes in order to be able to create lettuce that we can get at the supermarket. but my favorite is dandelion. you know the dandelion. like the little yellow flower. >> jimmy: the weed? >> yeah, the weed. >> jimmy: dandelion. >> the weed. >> jimmy: yeah, the weed. that's not a weed. >> no. okay, so the flowers, if they haven't been -- >> jimmy: why do you like to eat flowers? >> because they're so beautiful! who doesn't want to eat flowers? >> jimmy: i don't. i just want to look at them. >> i love to eat flowers, look how happy you are. >> jimmy: i don't want to eat things that i think are beautiful. so wha

>> no, i didn't do that. >> jimmy: you've got to get the app, yeah. >> send that to me, jimmy. >> jimmy- people send you books and everything. >> i got lots of books. oprah's sending books. everybody's sending books. they must be worried -- think i'm going to be an awful father. but i'm good. >> jimmy: no no, yeah. i didn't read anything. i chose not to read anything. >> i'm worried about her. >> jimmy: are you parents still around? >> no, no. but i'm worried about it if you didn't read anything. >> jimmy: you're worried about my baby? >> yeah, if you didn't read anything. you've got to read, man. you've got to read. >> jimmy: no, i don't have to read. >> because you're eternally 12, you've got to read man. you've got to read. >> jimmy: i have the best time with her, she's the greatest. >> i know. because you're on the same level. >> jimmy: we really are. >> cause you're always happy. don't you love this guy? he is always happy. [ cheers and applause ] >> i love coming here. >> jimmy: i love when you're here. we both celebrated a birthday recently. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i turned 40.

>> jimmy: yep. >> whoa, i didn't know that. >> jimmy: how's your 2015?ition to mars. but i'll be back in 2020. >> jimmy: i think that's good, actually. 2020. >> okay, great. >> jimmy: uh, no, no, i'm booked. the whole 20s are just a a disaster for me. >> okay. why don't we just like maybe pencil something in for january 2030? >> jimmy: sounds great. okay, have a good one. bye. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: really looking forward to 2030. we'll be right back with zach galifianakis, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ get to the terminal across town. are all the green lights you? no. it's called grid iq. the 4:51 is leaving at 4:51. ♪ they cut the power. it'll fix itself. power's back on. quick thinking traffic lights and self correcting power grids make the world predictable. thrillingly predictable. (dootrick or treat! mmm! thank you! mmm! mmm! ♪ welcome to video game high school. ♪ ♪ we couldn't have done this without you guys. ♪ in awhen does the mercyon... rule come into effect? new fusion proglide rebuilt with flexball technology. makes maximum

yeah, full on. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's a lot.there were just raisins everywhere. [ laughter ] everywhere. >> jimmy: that sounds about right. yeah, yeah. hidden raisins. finding raisins places. that's another raisin. absolutely. yeah. >> a lot of raisins, a lot of diluted apple juice. and kids would just stop in the middle of the room and go -- [ laughter ] like all the time. do you not know that face? when they stop moving and they get real serious? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now i know the face. now i know the face. oh, honey, it's happening right now. it's happening. it's happening. >> they get like, red eyebrows. >> jimmy: they look like rob ford. [ laughter and applause ] be careful. rob ford. let's go change and we'll go to the debates, yeah. >> that's what he was busy doing. >> jimmy: believe it or not, i was doing some research on you and it's been 20 years since "my so-called life." >> yeah. >> jimmy: the 20th anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] that's amazing, right? that went fast. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: and everyone tal

>> jimmy: all right. >> steve: oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we'll check in with pat later on the story. thank you, pat, for that. >> steve: man in the street. >> jimmy: stray dogs. you've got to watch out for those things. [ laughter ] but hey, we're not the only ones who are worried about this thing. in fact, north korea announced last week they're closing their borders -- [ light laughter ] to all tourists to prevent the potential spread of the ebola virus. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's right. when they heard that, people in north korea were like -- [ coughing ] [ laughter ] "i have to leave i think? it's your rules. take care, man. i gotta go. i think i have --" [ applause ] leave north korea? hey, listen to this, you guys. starbucks says it's coming out with a new chestnut praline latte next month. [ cheers ] that's right. chestnut praline latte. sounds less like a drink, more like a stripper giving her full name. [ laughter ] >> steve: can you state your name for the court? >> jimmy: yes, yo

-- >> jimmy: 17. >> 18. >> jimmy: 18, yeah. >> yeah.on all the time and then -- i believe we have a photo of you i think here. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah of you on "the tonight show with johnny carson." >> let me see that. i don't remember that. let me see. [ laughter ] oh my god. >> jimmy: yeah, that's you. >> where's that dress? [ laughter ] who are -- who are the other people? who are the people there? do you know? >> jimmy: there's ed mcmahon, johnny carson -- >> right. >> jimmy: ed mcmahon, and then someone laughing -- you're making someone laugh. [ laughter ] that looks like me from 50 years ago. >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: yeah. isn't that cool? now, here we are in the same exact set up. >> really? >> jimmy: and you're here again. >> the first time i was on television, it wasn't even the jack paar show because he didn't like me. >> jimmy: he didn't like you? >> no, he didn't like me. the first time i was on was with, with orson bean being the guest host. >> jimmy: that's what they used to do back then. absolutely. >> yeah. >> jimmy:

>> hey. >> jimmy: jimmy kimmel.leasure to meet you. >> pleasure to meet you, too. >> jimmy: so, you have this luxury dating -- >> oh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: take care. for the 99%. let's go back to guillermo, because i think that thing is still in the air. guillermo, okay, good. [ laughter ] gare kn guillermo, what are your five favorite luxury brands? >> i don't really buy nothing expensive for me, but i buy it for my wife. >> jimmy: very good. oh, what happened? you crash landed! >> it's because you was talking to me. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. oh, that's terrible. that's very sad. >> yeah, it is. >> jimmy: yeah, well -- there's nothing you can do now, guillermo. it's -- all right, well, that was, what, about $15,000 down the drain, huh? >> yeah. it's your fault. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's not point fingers. [ cheers and applause ] it's my fault. that was abrupt. science and technology are fascinating. there's no doubt about that. but nothing is more interesting than nature. from time to time, we like to take a break

>> jimmy: yeah.at moment to see two people disappointed in me for different reasons. >> jimmy: do your parents come a lot? >> they do. my parents come a lot. you met my parents. my dad was on the show here before, they love to -- they love to get involved in showbiz. they would love to be on the show. they think it's about them. >> jimmy: i see. >> it's not. >> jimmy: it's not about them. >> no, it's about me. >> jimmy: there are other people. >> yeah. we have a lot of fun and we have a great season now. we have sean hayes on the show. >> jimmy: he's very, very funny. >> very funny. we're on monday nights at 8:30, which is great over on cbs. i shouldn't mention that. >> jimmy: is everything all right? are you okay? >> well, it's funny you should mention that because awhile back, jim -- [ laughter ] you tweeted something that really kind of got under my skin a little bit. >> jimmy: i did? >> yeah. there was a tweet -- i don't know if it was you. but it came out of your twitter account. and it was some

>> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: okay. >> i got copies. >> jimmy: you do. [ laughter ]i do. >> jimmy: the movie that you are in happens to be on television, will you ever sit there and watch it? >> ah -- a little bit. maybe a little. passing by, you know, might watch a scene. not from start to -- >> jimmy: you will not get involved in it and go, "i was really good in that." [ laughter ] >> i've said that. [ laughter ] i've said that. [ cheers and applause ] run that back. >> jimmy: i know you were in the play "raisin in the sun" earlier this year and the president and first lady came to see you. when you're in a situation like that, i know you must be aware that they're in the audience, but does that make you nervous at all? is that something that makes it harder to focus? >> i -- i shouldn't say this, but i will. [ laughter ] so, my dressing room -- i shouldn't say this. but i will. my dressing room was on the ground floor and they put a little dot on my door, little, i think green dot and i'm like, what is that? well, this is, like, the safe house, safe room for the p

>> jimmy: thank you, chris. >> all right, thank you, jimmy.is year's top five halloween costumes. >> jimmy: all right. >> all right, roots, are you ready? [ laughter ] all right, number five -- slutty cats. >> jimmy: there you go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> number four -- slutty nurse. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] number three -- i said number three! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! >> slutty pumpkin spice latte. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> number two -- >> jimmy: oh my god. >> number two -- >> jimmy: he's lost his mind. >> --slutty uber driver. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> and the number one halloween costume this year -- [ drumroll ] slutty slut! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go! that's what i'm talking about! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! chris rock, everybody! "top five" will be in theaters december 5th. and he's hosting "saturday night live" this weekend with musical guest prince. chris rock! we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and

>> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, j.k. fans about a new harry potter book even though it turns out you were jk-ing. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: jk! >> jimmy: jk! >> steve: jk rowling! >> jimmy: jk! >> steve: jk! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the eiffel tower for installing a new clear glass floor that people can stand on. or as the people on the floor below put it, "i see london, i see france." [ laughter and applause ] oh boy. >> steve: oh, boy. hey! autumn's in early. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, slugerrr, the kansas city royals mascot for looking like a lion had sex with bart simpson. [ laughter and applause ] very interesting. >> steve: cowabunga. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, horse yoga, or as the horses call it, "what the freaking hell, man?" [ cheers and applause ] what the heck happened? >> steve: what's going on? >> jimmy: you wouldn't believe what happened to me today. >> steve: that's dangerous. >> jimmy: you wouldn't even believe what happened to me today. let's just say hey -- >> steve: hey. >> jimmy: neigh m

>> jimmy: no -- >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: don't do that. >> steve: come on!mmy: i saw this video on the internet the other day, it made me laugh. last week someone decided to do a ukulele cover of a vance joy song. and it was pretty soothing. check it out. ♪ ♪ i was scared of pretty girls and --♪ you [ bleep ] ass [ bleep ] get off! [ laughter and applause ] [ bleep ] damn, you cat! [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the cat was like -- then her dog was like, "well the cat wasn't wrong." [ laughter ] hey, come on. guys i guess this is a good thing, but whole foods is introducing a new system that will label its produce good, better and best. depending on the supplier's farming practices. good, means no pesticides, better means environmentally friendly. and best means still not worth five bucks for an apple. [ laughter and applause ] i'm sorry. i'm sorry. [ applause ] that's -- five bucks for an apple? >> steve: come on, five bucks? >> jimmy: we, we -- put the best we feed our trees the best beef -- >> steve: wait. [ laughter ] >> jimm

>> that's a good point, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. >> but my hat gives it away. >> jimmy: this, to meis where waldo really shines. we got this in slow motion. before mr. incredible goes in the, you try to restrain him. even his costume, before he shuffles you away and goes in to fight. you almost got hold of him there. his foam rubber muscles. is he as powerful as he appears to be? >> no, he's a total -- one of those words i can't say on tv. >> jimmy: okay, good. now, let's bring in one of the other gentlemen who got involved in this. this is r.j. hello, r.j. you were just happening -- you out on the street selling cds. and you jumped in to fight mr. incredible. >> well, not to fight him. just to break it up, you know? but i was kind of mad at what he did. >> jimmy: let's look again at what happened there. and we can see here, now, you jumped in. it looked like you were ready to fight mr. incredible. i mean, it definitely looked like you kind of squared off with him. what was going through your head? >> i was very angry. to see a man slam a woman to the ground like that is never appro

tariq stole that idea from me, jimmy. >> jimmy: what?questlove: no, look at my high school photo. look. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: a lot of people doing that. >> nice try, guys, but i think you all ripped me off. >> jimmy: damn. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? [ applause ] cat is holding james. i'm not gonna ask. finally, last night on "survivor," one of my favorite shows, love "survivor." they were doing an immunity challenge and you could definitely tell that after weeks of living together in the wilderness, these contestants are have really gotten to know each other, check it out. >> reed from hunahpu taking on his boyfriend, josh from coyopa. >> let's go josh. >> let's go josh. >> it's reed who's on our team. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: whatever dude who was here to win the amazing race, we got a great show. give it up for the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. it's been great week so far, there's more ahead. tomorrow night, emma thompson will be here. [ cheers and applause ] i love emma thomps

>> jimmy: never. have a serious conversation with you right now!" [ laughter ] >> you are doing an actually not bad impression of him. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: i've never met him. that's great. >> yeah, he's a jolly, jolly boy. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> so it just scared me. i was worried about him. i was like, what's the deal? he was like being super weird. he's standing outside of my house and he wasn't at the door, he was in front of his car. i got out and i was like, "what?" first off, i hate when people are like, "hey, dude, i need to talk to you." i'm like -- what does that even -- >> jimmy: that means -- >> what do you mean? tell me right now. >> jimmy: right now. i don't like that. i don't like, "call me." call me scares me too. hey, call me. why, why? hey, what's up? you want to go see a concert? [ laughter ] want to play frisbee golf? all right. we have the same friend. what if we know the same friend? oh, that's so weird. [ laughter ] he called me, too. yeah,

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody.ell, thank you. that's very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching on your devices at home and on the go. i just want to be -- i appreciate your enthuse yach. i want to be clear. you know you're not sleeping over here, right? i have some very interesting news today. mcafee, you know, the internet security, released their annual list of the most dangerous celebrities to search for online. you know who the most dangerous person to search for online is, in the world? it's me. [ laughter ] that's right. i am the most dangerous man on earth. [ applause ] if you don't want me to leak your search history to your mother-in-law, you will do everything i say. if you search my name, there's a 1 in 5 chance you'll land on a malicious website. it's an honor just to be nominated, but to win this thing -- number two on the list is a dj. i had no idea who it was, so, i looked him up and now i have a virus. britney spears is number 7. usually it's a woma

>> no. >> jimmy: for a whole year. >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> no. >> jimmy: think about it.'ll do jokes. >> no, you wouldn't. there is not -- there is not thick enough glass to put you between you and some of these women. >> jimmy: i bet we could figure something out. >> some of them are throwing themselves against the window and some of them are just looking through the window, like, come out here, bitch. i'm like -- ah -- >> jimmy: i think you would be a great cell mate. we could talk about things. if i ever go to prison, will you come visit me? >> don't -- don't ever say that to me again. [ laughter ] don't ever say that we would be good -- >> jimmy: all right, well, dr. phil is here. he's going to help everyone tonight. we'll be right back. hi, i'm jay farner, president of quicken loans. and we're here in detroit with our amazing team members. the best part about working with quicken loans, is that you have a mortgage expert on the other line that's always gonna find out the best possible solution. we just don't treat you as a loan number. we wanna make sure that we help

>> hi, jimmy.ghter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sounds terrific. thank you, gabby. we'll be right back with "science bob" pflugfelder. decay. it's the opposite of evolution. the absence of improvement. and the enemy of perfection. which is why you can never stop moving forward. never stop inventing. introducing the mercedes-benz gla. a breakthrough in design, aerodynamics and engineering. because the only way to triumph over decay... is to leave it in its own dust. ♪ sweered lobster'sory! endless shrimp ends soon! the year's largest variety. like new spicy siriacha shrimp, or parmesan shrimp scampi. as much as you like, any way you like. but it won't last long, so hurry in today. and sea food differently. what are you doing? the dishes are clean. i just gotta scrape the rest of the food off them. ew. dish issues? cascade platinum powers through your toughest messes better than the competition the first time. cascade. now that's clean. up to 27% more brush movements. patented sonic technology

>> jimmy: you were. >> thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: your co-star, jon barn that was here last night and hem had you guys fistfight every day. >> what a liar. >> jimmy: is that not true? >> no, we drank tea. and had biscuits -- >> no, we did have the fight. >> jimmy: i -- how does that make any sense at all? >> it brings out the animal in you, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: wow. >> this is a weird thing, but it always happens when you're sparring somebody, we did it for "end of watch," too. in the beginning, you're like, keep it cool. as soon as they hit you, you're like, i swear to god. so, wait a minute. he does this in all his -- >> yeah, lips start doing that. >> jimmy: he does this in all his movies? >> christian bale had to do that. >> jimmy: who did you fight on the set? >> well, not on set. we did it for a month before. >> jimmy: no head gear? >> no, no head gear. and jon bernthal bpunched me in the face. >> jimmy: did you fight brad pitt? >> we were -- no. >> jimmy: you did not? >> you're not going to fight that guy. >> jimmy: did you fight mile ya shia labeouf? >>dy it. >> jimmy:

♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone.hat's very nice.ustz welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. welcome to the show. we have a -- well, that's very nice of you, thank you. we have a door there, it's supposed to go up, but it didn't go up. i had to pull it up with my foot. i was almost trapped backstage. [ laughter ] oh, boy. i hope everybody is feeling well tonight. you know, the cold's going around. how many of you in our studio audience have a cold? you do? really? [ laughter ] not saying are you cold, but you have a cold? who howled? you howled, didn't you? you do have a cold, in the back? yeah. well, thank you for coming. [ laughter ] but i like that you're being honest because most people lie and pretend. i bet you ten other people have a cold here but nobody wants to say it because -- but you are happy to infect everyone publicly. [ laughter ] maybe granddaughter to typhoid mary. are you feeling well? you're okay or not? you're all right? okay. don't touch anybody, though, okay

kimye, yes. >> jimmy: kimye, yeah. >> kimye. >> jimmy: kimye, yeah.an. whatever you want. >> jimmy: so they got married and so you kind of wanted to incorporate their love, their special moment into your moment. >> i did. i gave out some stickers at the wedding. i think we have one here. because it was two huge stars getting married on that day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cavid. >> cavid. [ applause ] >> jimmy: is that how you pronounce cavid? >> that's right. cah-veed. >> jimmy: cah-veed. >> cah-veed. >> jimmy: cah-veed. yeah. you gave out these stickers which is great. >> yes. >> jimmy: you also gave out these cool key chains. >> i did. >> jimmy: which is great. >> there is an interesting story behind this key chain. this is my father. and this is a portrait that my father took of himself. that he gave to my brother and i this last christmas, and he -- >> jimmy: this is the best story. i'm in love with your dad. i never met your dad. just hearing this story made me just go -- >> he's a wonderful man, but on christmas morning he put a a piece of twine un

] >> jimmy: oh, no. work out for you. you don't make money doing that. you got to make ships. i dropped this one. this is gigantic. were they warships or cruise ships? >> they built war ships. they built super tankers. they built cruise liners. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. and you would just see it get built and then launched. >> and they'd launch it. >> jimmy: how sad, kind of. >> it was a bit sad. >> jimmy: like you get used to your house, and the house just leaves. [ laughter ] you kinda miss that thing, yeah. >> so i left. then i left. >> jimmy: you left along with the ship. yeah. and also, where you grew up was also very close to newcastle, is that right? >> it's the next town along. >> jimmy: so you have some good beer over there. >> very good beer. newcastle brown ale. >> jimmy: little brown ale, that's pretty fantastic. now, this is -- look at the guys working on this thing with you here. joe mantell, he directed "wicked." >> he did. >> jimmy: you have the choreographer -- >> steven hoggett, who did --