jimmy, can you, uh -- >> jimmy: whoa. >> say those last words again?ers and applause ] >> jimmy: my goodness. it's joel mchale! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, my -- oh, my goodness. standing ovation. [ cheers and applause ] it's almost like they didn't know you were here. wow, unbelievable. joel -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: joel, sure, i'll repeat those words. the words were, "disgruntled" -- >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: "un-truthful" -- >> right. >> jimmy: "slippery" -- >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: "slimeball" and "leaker." >> yes, yes! bingo! i won bingo! yeah! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: wait, wait -- what do you -- >> yeah, leaker. leaker was the last word that i needed to win trump diss bingo. here, look at -- look at my card. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: ahh! >> yeah, see? >> jimmy: congrats, man. you beat me. i was holding out for bozo and dingus. [ laughter ] >> oh! you'll get it next time. maybe you'll get some success in your life. but i -- i just didn't think -- [ laughter ] i just didn't think he would ever say "slippery." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that

jimmy: the time-honored sport of kicking pinatas. >> yes. >> jimmy: while blindfolded. >> yes. >> jimmyu know that. that's good. >> very good. >> jimmy: behold! the fiesta ring! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] here's how it works. you're going to stand under the fiesta ring. >> yes. >> jimmy: the pinatas will start spinning around. >> yes, sensei. >> jimmy: you get 20 seconds to kick. >> yes. >> jimmy: and break as many pinatas as you can. >> breakage. >> jimmy: while blindfolded. >> yes. >> jimmy: whoever breaks the most pinatas after one round wins the game. and remember, you cannot use your hands to break the pinata. >> i always use my hands. >> jimmy: only -- not to break the pinata. only a clean kick will count. oh, and one more thing. >> yes. >> jimmy: you need an opponent. [ cheers and applause ] [ drumroll ] we found a good one. from reseda, california, the winner of the all-valley championship. put your hands together for daniel larusso, aka daniel-san, the karate kid himself, ralph macchio! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yeah! >> thanks buddy. welcome. >> thanks for coming out. >> jimmy:

>> jimmy: yeah.g at the same time. >> jimmy: then "heaven knows." i forget about that jam. ♪ heaven knows i'm never gonna ♪ ♪ ♪ >> questlove: how do you know that? >> jimmy: i forgot that one. what else can you name? >> questlove: "bad girls." >> jimmy: yeah, of course. "bad girls" was in there. ♪ ♪ beep beep ♪ hey mister yeah, so good. >> questlove: "hot stuff." >> jimmy: "hot stuff." ♪ looking for some hot stuff baby this evening i want some hot stuff ♪ oh, dude we're forgetting. >> questlove: what? >> jimmy: "she works hard for the money." >> questlove: oh, snap. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i mean i forgot that was donna summer. of course, that's donna summer. ♪ she works hard for the money so hard for it honey ♪ then "on the radio." >> steve: oh. ♪ on the radio >> jimmy: but i didn't like it before because into the disco part, the sad part. ♪ oh, it's so sad and good. and then it's like. ♪ ♪ ♪ alright, i'll just stop cause there's so many songs. but i'll just do two more. there's two more that i'm forge

he always call -- >> jim. >> jimmy: jim. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's the best. to jail and he comes back to brooklyn and now it's what it is now. kind of -- >> yeah. [ light laughter ] it's different. >> jimmy: it's different now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's not the brooklyn he wants now. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> who had the kombucha? >> jimmy: who had the kombucha? guess which one's the best kombucha? it's us! >> yes. [ laughter ] we're eating seaweed now. [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i made artisinal pickles. oh. >> yes. what is kombucha? >> jimmy: oh. i tried it once. i don't know what it is. it's like -- >> old ass tea? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes! >> it tastes like old tea with soda in it. >> jimmy: it's old ass tea. [ laughter ] i tried it once. >> who put sprite in this old ass tea? >> jimmy: no, i -- [ laughter ] i want to show a clip. here's tiffany haddish and tracy morgan in "the last og," airs tuesday nights at 10:30 on tbs. check this out, please. oh, my goodness. >> what do you want? >> just saying hello. >> tray, stop calling

>> jimmy: absolutely. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right.mond. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, man. that's over. >> why did you say it like that? [ laughter ] >> questlove: rihanna. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, come on, that was great! [ applause ] ♪ that was great. oh, my goodness. give me that. you didn't get a chance, man. all right. i'm going to give the next clue to rocky and tariq. here you go. best of luck. >> the password is -- >> jimmy: tariq? [ laughter ] tariq, you are up first. >> tariq: okay, okay, stuffed. >> dumpling? ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good! that was good! that was the jam! >> that was good. >> jimmy: sorry about that. that was good stuff. oh, man. all right. here we go. abbi, questlove, these next clues are for you. >> the password is -- >> jimmy: questlove, why don't you start us off this time since you didn't have a chance to go -- >> questlove: oh! [ laughter ] philly -- >> tariq: east point. >> questlove: suburbs. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's it! that's it! no, it's not. >> questlove

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh. >> jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: wendy, you look fantasticell, thank you. i know it's been a while. i haven't seen you. >> jimmy: i haven't seen you in a while. and you just -- you just took a a few weeks off from your show. >> three. >> jimmy: three weeks off. >> and a half. >> jimmy: really? you don't like doing that? >> no. >> jimmy: really? but it was like a -- i was a a health -- >> i had that issue with my health. everything is fine. but you have to take some time when you need the time. and ten years of being on tv, i have never taken a sick day. >> jimmy: you love to work. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you have to relax. you have to get better. >> i have to make an income. three weeks and a half is a -- that's a lot to be off of your show. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and people are so fickle, the audience. you never know whether they're going to show the love when you get back or whether they're gonna switch the channel, watching another. >> jimmy: no, we would never do that to wendy williams. [ audience aws ] they welcomed you

>> they've never been on jimmy kimmel before. >> jimmy: there you go.guys. i want to show something that you posted. last night you posted a couple of photographs. and first you posted this photograph of brett favre in 1991 on the night he was drafted by the nfl. you followed that with a photo of yourself. in a similar pose. [ cheers and applause ] this is funny. have you heard from brett yet? has he called you on his giant phone? >> not that one. i don't think it works anymore. but he shot me a text. and said good luck. and just that he appreciated the pic. the attention to detail was great. >> jimmy: who else have you heard from that you're surprised to hear from? getting a text from brett favre has to be a pretty big deal for a guy who just finished playing football in college. >> absolutely. to see his name pop up on my phone, something only a kid could dream of. >> jimmy: yeah, really. are you excited about moving to cleveland, speaking of things kids dream of? >> i am, i am. i'm excited to get things rolling. >> jimmy: people make fun of cleveland

>> jimmy: yes. >> you're clean. >> no blood? >> jimmy: no blood.ghter ] expect your teeth from different -- from different -- yes. >> is my mouth empty? [ audience gasps ] >> no! >> jimmy: no! >> is there nothing -- [ laughter ] [ audience gasps ] >> jimmy: questlove. >> no! [ audience gasps ] >> questlove: yo, man. [ laughter ] [ audience gasps ] [ cheers and applause ] >> questlove: had to do it. had to do it. had to do it. i had to do it. >> jimmy: david blaine, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] for tickets to his north american tour check out davidblaine.com. [ audience gasps ] more tonight show after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to serena williams, priyanka chopra, david blaine and the roots right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hey, and don't forget to stay tuned for "late night" with me, seth meyers. >> jimmy: let's go. >> seth: i got jimmy fallon on the show tonight. >> jimmy: i'm on your show. that's right. >> seth: first time. >> jimmy: let'

>> jimmy: what? >> steve: what? >> jimmy: and finally -- >> steve: i never. >> jimmy: what?ter ] >> steve: indeed. >> jimmy: and finally, krispy kreme is teaming up with chips ahoy, nutter butter, and oreo to make new cookie doughnuts. [ audience ohs ] and the president is like, "i told you i'd make america great again." [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, welcome, everybody. thank you very much. thank you, roots. we have a huge show tonight. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: joining us tonight is a great, great musician and just a great dude in general. >> steve: love this guy. >> jimmy: i love him, too, man. his new album "boarding house reach" debuted on the top of the charts. he is the musical guest on "saturday night live" this weekend for the third time. jack white is stopping by! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this record is awesome. >> steve: it's great. >> jimmy: it's fantastic. but let's see, a very pretty model on the cover there. >> st

>> jimmy: yep.n. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i'm going to give each one the same weight. so i'm going to read three things, right? >> jimmy: yep. >> one of these is a lie. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> and you're going to try to figure out which one. >> jimmy: see, already you're doing like -- it's like a a magician. [ laughter ] >> now i'm going to read all three of them. >> jimmy: i understand the rules. yeah, it's okay. [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. one of them's a lie. there's two truths. we got that already. >> no, you can't ask any questions until i've read all three of them. that's the rule and i'll make 'em. [ laughter ] all right. [ scoffs ] number one. okay, number one. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have a cow part in my shoulder. number two. [ light laughter ] i was a roller skating waiter at an a&w root beer stand. [ laughter ] number three. i have taken a bubble bath in oprah's bathtub. [ audience ohs ] ♪ >> jimmy: she would never. [ laughter ] >> so ask me anything you want. >> jimmy: what'

>> jimmy: yeah.e used to -- yeah, he used to come up there to the house all the time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> either him or david ruffin, one of them. >> jimmy: it was eddie van halen or david ruffin -- >> he would drive that white van. he sold fish out the back of that van. [ laughter ] everybody knew he was out there. how's he keep that van double parked all around the neighborhood. >> jimmy: and everybody knew that eddie was either -- >> yeah, eddie loves fish -- >> jimmy: and everybody knew eddie was either -- eddie van halen, either -- okay, or david ruffin. >> or obama. one of those. >> jimmy: or something, obama, wow. that's amazing. well, >> jimmy: you went to the movies this past weekend. this is probably after, you probably took this guy afterwards. >> i went to the movies. i went to see "black panther." >> jimmy: and did you love it? [ cheers and applause ] did you love -- >> it was all right, but they stole that idea from me because i wrote this movie. they stole that idea

. >> jimmy: okay. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'll take that. >> cool. >> jimmy: thank you.hing together, let me know. >> all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank you ahead of time. i just looked at our calendar and you're booked for our show, like, less than a month from now. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: so thank you for coming back. >> it's my pleasure to be here -- >> jimmy: thank you for coming back. >> and be your guest. >> jimmy: and sorry to keep booking you for our show but we love you. >> i love it. >> jimmy: but you had a decent idea which i thought was -- >> yeah, i was like -- because i'm coming back because i'm going to do "snl" in a month which i'm also excited about. >> jimmy: i can't believe it. [ cheers and applause ] that's going to be great! >> i get to join -- i get to join the 5 and a half timers club when i come back. >> jimmy: oh. >> because i hosted with amy last time. >> jimmy: oh! >> so i don't know if there are any other half timers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: probably the only half timer. since i'm coming back so soon and the wo

>> yamaha. >> jimmy: is that right. >> so good. >> jimmy: there you are with sting. >> yes. >> jimmy:d blake were always meant to be together. i have a little mullet, right? >> jimmy: maybe that is true. well, you definitely weren't meant to be with sting or else it would have happened right there. what's the name of the camp gwen went to in seventh grade? gwen? >> camp fox. >> jimmy: that's right, gwen, camp fox. did you know that? >> i did not know that. >> wow. >> jimmy: what were you going to say? >> i was going to guess. >> jimmy: good job. owes close game, 40-30. what prince song features gwen? what prince song features gwen? diane? >> "so far, so pleased." >> jimmy: that's right. congratulations, diane, you know gwen stefani better than gwen herself! bring in the prizes. oh, gwen, i'm sorry you lost. [ cheers and applause ] there you go thank you both. we'll be right back with gwen stefani, stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by lyft. download the app, request a ride, and be on your way in minutes. why shop marsha

uncle jimmy is sorry. uncle jimmy loves you. applause ] [ ringing ] >> jimmy: of course not. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ you are many different things in one amazing package, and t.j.maxx gives you the freedom to express every one. with our unique mix of must-have brands at must-buy prices, you can be active or totally relaxed. ♪ ♪ you can shop online or take it home today. you'll always save on something for every you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx. ♪ finally got me ben. the clarke st street crater, the mother of all potholes, but you know state farms got you too. you ain't nothing! are you trash talking a pothole? yup. go with the one that's here to help life go right. state farm. ♪ experience a blend of refined craftsmanship... ...and raw power. ♪ new innovations... ...and a tradition of excellence. luxury... ...and performance, engineered to take the crown. presenting the all-new lexus ls 500 and ls 500h. experience amazing, at your lexus dealer. when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night, so he got home safe

>> jimmy: yeah, the roots. >> it warms the cockles. >> jimmy: it warms the cockles. >> yeah. >> jimmyi'm very excited that you're here, but also you have very exciting news. >> i do. >> jimmy: you're expecting? >> i'm knocked up. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm so happy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: hi, baby. hi, baby. >> hi! >> jimmy: hello, welcome to "the tonight show." >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: it's baby number two? >> yes, baby number two. >> jimmy: wow. >> just chilling in there. >> jimmy: just chilling in there. >> you know, getting all excited when i have a chocolate bar. >> jimmy: yeah, really? >> yeah, it's fun. >> jimmy: is it moving, and kicking, and -- >> it's moving and kicking. i love that part. it's like a fireworks show every so often. >> jimmy: really? >> it's pretty cool, and a a little creepy. [ light laughter ] it is. it's like an alien being in there, and cohabitating. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> it's like, yeah, air bnb. >> jimmy: how are you feeling? >> uhm. [ laughter ] i'm feeling good. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm in the cruisey second trimester, you know, period, so -

, jimmy.re are you from? >> we're from south australia. >> jimmy: and you're here on vacation? >> we're vacating with two other twins as well. >> jimmy: really? howled are you? >> 24. >> jimmy: you're 24 years old. so matt dillon, famous when you were born? >> we'll go with that. >> jimmy: so you don't even know why this is funny? >> we do. >> jimmy: do you know who matt dillon is? >> is he a chef? >> jimmy: oh, my god. this is unbelievable. >> no, he's an actor. >> jimmy: yeah, he's an actor. that's right. you could have been matt damon. could have been worse, right? >> that's true. [ laughter and applause ] and joel, where are you from, joel? >> charlotte, north carolina. >> jimmy: you know who matt dillon is, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: of course you do. you are hiding your eyes, it seems. >> lil bit. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i'm a musician. >> jimmy: what kind of music do you do? >> i play it all. i'm a drummer. >> jimmy: let's take a look at your eyes if you don't mind. lif

jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. wow, hot crowd. welcome, everybody. >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: welcome to "the tonight show." thank you for being here. you made it. you're here. [ cheers and applause ] here's what people are talking about, you guys. tonight president trump hosted a big state dinner for french president emmanuel macron at the white house. it was an awkward moment when trump said, "i'll have the president trump." and the waiter said, "sir, that's not the menu, that's your name card." [ laughter ] and he goes, "i'll have the macaroon." "that's his name card." actually, i read that the main course was rack of lamb. but after trump grabbed the rack his lawyer had to pay it $130,000. [ laughter and applause ] which makes it awkward. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: trump's manners can be sort of questionable. so with tonight's formal state dinner the white house wanted to help him out. they actually gave him an etiquette guide to prepare. take a lo

>> oh, yes, we do, jimmy.one, yeah, don't do your taxes. [ laughter ] step two, ehh, you're good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm so sorry, mark. can you please explain yourself further? i think we're all a little unclear here. >> well, jimmy, we here at bream and hackett have found over the years that we don't really understand taxes at all. [ laughter ] like, we don't get them. like, we don't know what a a 1040 is or w-2, or w-4, or why there's a "w." [ laughter ] like, we heard the phrase "estimated tax" but we have no clue what it means. like, like, we've heard about fica, but we just think it's the name of someone's dog. [ laughter ] like, we get pizza, and we get chairs, but we don't get taxes, you know, like we don't necessarily -- >> jimmy: all right, mark, mark. i get, i get it. you don't get it, but i have to ask, i mean, how are you able to be a financial consultant if your advice is just to not to do your taxes? i mean, who are your clients? >> donald trump. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you

and now, obviously, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very nice.hank you. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you. i know a lot of you are vacation, maybe you're not paying attention, but today was another crazy day in the united states, thanks of course in large part to our crazy president, donald jamaica trump. the president directed his morning twitter tirade at russia today. he wrote, "russia vows to shoot down any and all missiles fired at syria, get ready, russia, because they will be coming, nice and new and smart, you shouldn't be partners with a gas-killing animal who kills his people and enjoys it." it's hard to argue with trump on that. unless, of course, your name is donald trump. who, when obama was president, tweeted, "don't attack syria, an attack that will bring nothing but trouble for the u.s., focus on making our country strong and great again." and why shouldn't we attack? for starters, if the u.s. attacks syria, hits the wrong targets, killing civilians, there will be

>> yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow.until 3:00 in the morning. the very last scene. even my parents were there until 3:00 in the morning. the whole cast, all the writers. everybody came to be together so we ended as a family. >> jimmy: did you take anything as a memento? >> are you trying to get me in trouble? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to, just blink if you did. yes, there you go. yeah. >> maybe one or two prada purses. >> jimmy: just wink at me. >> you know the big pradas from the seasons when i was pregnant? we had to hide my belly behind the pradas? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. i remember that. >> those might be missing. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but i heard that some -- some props from the set are going to go to the smithsonian? >> yes. i didn't have my full choice of what to take because the smithsonian came to collect. i was like "are we history?" that's so cool. >> jimmy: isn't that amazing? >> it's going to be weird to break into the smithsonian to steal more stuff. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: exactly, jus

jimmy: no.one of her -- >> like i was one of her aunts. [ laughter ] like, she didn't even register me as a sexual being. >> jimmy: no, not at all. >> you know -- >> jimmy: but then she came to the show. >> yes, she did come to the show. >> jimmy: the night before i was there, questlove was there and rihanna came to the show. >> yes, she did come to the show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you told that -- >> but she still did not register me. >> jimmy: she didn't even know what you were saying -- >> when a girl says she doesn't want to have sex with you, at least she thought about having sex with you. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] you'll take that. >> you know what i mean? she contemplated sex with you. >> jimmy: no, no, didn't do it. >> but i was like in the uncle zone. >> jimmy: it was so many bits. i couldn't even move. and now i heard that you are now filming -- you're doing standup again? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: this is awesome. >> it's

>> jimmy: uh!ter ] >> steve: shinzo abe. >> jimmy: so trump doesn't want that to happen again. so he's been reading up on japanese culture to impress abe. he's even released a video. this is nice. take a look at this. >> being president of the united states, i've learned so much about japan. i can even use some of their most popular words. for example, "anime." i've fired several members of my cabinet, "an' i may" fire more. "sumo." i spoke to my lawyers and they said i can't afford to "sue mo' people" "udon." i tried to kiss melania but she said "ew, don." [ laughter ] and finally, "soba." my staffers say that working for me makes it hard to stay "soba'." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: isn't that nice, isn't that nice -- [ cheers and applause ] he's trying -- he's trying to learn. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i think it's great! >> steve: he's trying to learn. >> jimmy: i think that it's great. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i saw that six of trump's cabinet members have been questioned about improper spending. t

you, jimmy. >> jimmy: snoop dogg!ay night at 10:00 on tbs. we'll be right back with snoop! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank zooey deschanel and apologies to matt damon. this is his album. "snoop dogg presents bible of love," here with the song "sunrise," with some help from sly pyper, snoop dogg! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ if you woke up today, consider yourself blessed. every sunrise is a blessing. ♪ if you live long enough ♪ you know it won't need to end ♪ ♪ my life has bumps and bruises battle scars had to prove my loyalty ♪ ♪ for my lord voices from vices got ♪ ♪ me standing here singing praises to your name to protecting me from my yesterday ♪ ♪ second chances come with every sunrise ♪ ♪ i wake up feeling like the most high favorite child ♪ ♪ because he gave me you ♪ a breath of fresh air and a bran

jimmy: no! >> jimmy: that's lesson number one. >> jimmy: well dude, you went on to, i mean, you gotta be a a hero for these kids. now, you're acting and -- [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, why are you looking up at the -- >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i thought you saw something. talk to me about "beirut." oh, my gosh. >> "beirut," it's coming out tomorrow. it's a really exciting kind of old school throw-back kind of movie. it's the kind they don't really make anymore. but it's a hard political thriller, takes place in the 70's and 80's in beirut, lebanon, and kind of examines, like, what the geopolitical process and the process was kind of the beginnings of terrorism and how we got to where we are now. how do we solve conflicts without blowing people up. but it was written by tony gilroy, who went on to write "michael clayton" and the "bourne" franchise. he's a very talented writer. he wrote an amazing script about a really challenging and intellectual and exciting p

>> jimmy: six. speak six languages, exactly one more than melania i speak english, spanish, italian, what else, chinese is v e gen e s a language i don't know i don't speak ass clown what is an ass clown is it a clown that lives in a an ass. i hon lift don't know. and why is he openly fantasize being clowns in the ass is that your thing at night? [ laughter ] when you have your pants down when you're at 2 a.m. reque you got your laptop open and. >> announcer: eck to hump a pillow quietly so your his problem is for eight years not one erection. he tried everything. went to office chris parties with bill o'reilly. nothing worked. now trump is president here's the twist sean hinannity his tablet his tablet you sean are the whole ass circus [ cheers and applause ] you're the juggler. you're the trapeze artist. the ass lion tamer and ass union ball ought in one car you're the wringling brothers of bafrnum and bailey of the ass clownship. you know what i think is disrespectful to the first lady cheating o

. >> jimmy: oh.you guys seep the porgs in "star wars"? that was porg versus mcenroe. just wanted to make sure everyone got it. [ cheers and applause ] it just goes to show you. you know what that is? >> guillermo: yeah i got it, yeah. >> jimmy: why are you hiding from me? you don't want to be part of this failure? >> guillermo: no. yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: even my own security guard has abandoned me. this is a story that came out today. i have to believe it's too good to be true, but it is good. they've been looking into trump's lawyer, michael cohen. and instances in which he and/or the national enquirer made people to shut them up. one of the people who got paid is reportedly trump's former doorman in new york who says back in the '80s he was told the president had a love child with an employee. so this ex-doorman claimed in a statement he released today, while working at trump world tower, i was instructed not to criticize president trump's former housekeeper due to a prior relationship she h

>> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it was? think everyone was crying. >> jimmy: is that where you all kind of found out what -- >> yeah. >> yeah. >> we were in d.c. shooting the last episode -- >> we didn't know anything until we all sat down to read it together. >> jimmy: josh knew. >> i got a call the night before. i saw it was shonda ace office, i didn't answer. i have to be mentally, emotionally, physically prepared to speak to shonda, she's very powerful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that fear of being killed off the show or whatever, that continues. >> to the end. >> jimmy: all the way to the very end. >> oh yeah. >> at the end of the table read, for about 10 or 15 seconds, i think we all just sat there. we were all stunned at what at happened inside that script. >> jimmy: what a beautiful prison wedding that was. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> it was great officiating. great ring bearer. >> i managed to get married in every single thing i do. >> jimmy: you do look married. we should put you on "the bachelor." >> yes!

and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you.elcome to the show. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's too much already. sit, sit. well, i tell you what, right off the bat, i notice right off the bat that we have a lot of white people here tonight. [ laughter ] you guys will enjoy this. imagine from the world of golf. i know golf is not usually interesting, but the masters got going today. they have a special par 3 tournament, and they have two holes in one in this tournament. is it holes in one or is it holes in ones? guillermo. >> guillermo: holes in ones. >> jimmy: holes in ones? . so show this clip. first, the legend, jack nicklaus played out of of the nine holes, but he turned his clubs over to his son gary, who is 15, and the golden cub as he'll be known from hereforth. only one stroke to sing it. of course, the family went crazy. i don't know why, but his grandfather cried. it was very sweet. tony finau, he hits. his kid is there. the ball almost goes into the gallery there, but it rolls b

jimmy, jimmy, i got one. >> jimmy: sure, quest, go ahead. >> questlove: all right, all right.reat him okay, because i heard, like in prison, it can be really ruff. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: good. >> mark: hey jimmy, i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? >> mark: i got one. >> jimmy: okay, mark. sure. >> when he gets to jail, he's definitely going to be somebody's bitch. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ mark takes it too far [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and finally, this wasn't good. we had a lot of rain here in new york today. and this video someone posted online of the subway is pretty crazy. look at this. this is real. wow, yeah. on the bright side, the subway's never been cleaner. guys, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you very much. thank you, roots. nice to see you, higgins. guys, be sure to tune in on thursday. our pal tina fey will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have a performance from "mean girls" on broadway. this thursday, cannot wait. but first, we have a great sho

as well. >> jimmy: is it?that? >> i did. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was the right answer. >> "i want next to jimmy kimmel." it's going to be right outside your theater. >> jimmy: special to come and see that, and it comes true. >> it comes true. >> jimmy: you're starring in this movie. is it a remake of "overboard"? >> yes. >> jimmy: which was kurt russell and goldie hawn. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you kurt or goldie? >> i'm not, i'm the guy with the beard, kurt's best friend. >> jimmy: so the roles are reversed in this. >> yes. is people think anna faris is playing goldie hawn's part, and she's not, she's playing kurt russell's part. >> jimmy: interesting. >> it's so good and it makes so much more sense this remake. the guy being the one that's duped into thinking -- because the first one was a little kidnappy. >> jimmy: i only remember the poster. but i remember the poster really well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this one isn't as kidnappy? >> no, no. the actor who plays the rich person in the movie really deserves eve

this is not my husband. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. >> jimmy: tonight, she"the break with michelle wolf" and she hosts the white house correspondents dinner later this month, michelle wolf is here. then, her song is called "blue lights," jorja smith from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, ll cool j will be here, from the la galaxy soccer superstar zlatan ibrahimovi will join us, we'll have music from portugal the man. and later this week, gwen stefani, josh holloway, the entire cast of scandal will be here following their finale thursday night. and we will have music from dierks bentley and chaka khan. so join us then. our first guest is a star of film, television and of any clean, reflective surface. his newest film is the long-awaited sequel - "super troopers 2." >> your nickname, don't tell me, was the explosion. >> the halifax explosion, named after the single greatest man made explosion before hiroshima, it was 1917, ship laden with dynamite. crashed into a ship, tremendous explosion, loss of life. burned people's lives out with the blast. many we

on jimmy kimmel ♪n jimmy kimmel ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live, avengers infinity week"! tonight -- chris hemsworth, chadwick boseman, karen gillan, sebastian stan, and josh brolin. plus music from middle kids. and now, stay seated, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. welcome, welcome. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for joining us. another night of marvel. we have once again tonight -- that's very nice. we will be visited tonight by bright and shining stars on night three of our week-long leadup to "avengers: infinity war." the infinity warriors are here tonight, a loot of them. the last time we had this many superheroes on hollywood boulevard in one place when is hooters threw a bunch of leftover chicken fingers into the dumpster out in the back. [ laughter ] a little joke for those of you who waited in line. [ laughter ] really, if you haven't visited hollywood, it is beautiful. stars of the movie are here. tonight we're going to answer all the big questions like, why does

. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> it was a pretty rigorious casting process. >> jimmy: for the stuntman. >> because it was my testicles being represented and i didn't want people to walk away like, that movie was very funny and socially relevant but ike barinholtz has gross balls i don't need that stigma in my life skbl life. >> jimmy: no you don't want that on the internet. >> so we looksed at a lot of locals showed us their stuff and funny easter egg we went with jake ginl. >> jake gill-in-balls, wow. i'll look for that. [ cheers and applause ] >> oscar-nominated. >> jimmy: ike barinholtz! "blockers" opens friday, and we shall return with music from hayley kiyoko. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. or nothing. you want "streaming all you your favorite showsy. on the fastest internet" easy. you want "internet that helps you save on mobile" easy. you want "the best wifi you can pause with a tap." see? eas

and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much.verybody. welcome, welcome. very nice. thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks, thanks for being here. very nice. please relax. if you watched our show last night you know this is night two of "avengers week." this week all 480 stars of "the avengers: infinity war" will be on the show. turn the cameras a little bit. this is not a studio audience. these people are all avengers also. we didn't have enough room for them on stage. [ cheers and applause ] there's "i.t. guy." who else do we have there? oh, "the uncle." "casual batman" is here. "the security guardian of the galaxy" is here, guillermo. >> guillermo: yeah! >> jimmy: we're surrounded by heroism everywhere. tonight black widow, drax, loci, general akoye and the hulk are with us. this movie "infinity war" is part one of the two-part culmination of 18 films in the marvel cinematic universe which makes it the longest committed relationship most comic book fans have ever had. [ laughter ] it's mean

>> jimmy: just coming from a taping of "jimmy kimmel live." >> no way, i love that show. >> jimmy: thankng about that show is? >> jimmy: what? >> guillermo. >> guillermo: and $20 for you from me, my friend, ka-ching! >> sometimes jimmy's hit and miss, but guillermo, always hilarious. >> guillermo: ka-ching! >> truth is jimmy kind of sucks. >> guillermo: ka-ching! >> oh, hey, guillermo, you're the best! >> guillermo: thank you. >> you're hilarious. you're the only reason i watch the show. >> jimmy: can i figure a way to get my $20 back on this thing? >> guillermo: sorry about my friend, he's a little >> jimmy: what? >> yel-lous. >> dicky: whatever lyft drivers are driving toward, generous passengers are helping them get there. npredictab crohn's, you've tried to own us. but now it's our turn to take control with stelara® stelara® works differently for adults with moderately to severely active crohn's disease. studies showed relief and remission, with dosing every 8 weeks. stelara® may lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections and may increase your risk of infections and

kimmel. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome.hank you. welcome. thank you. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. that's very nice. we were off last week and we're back, a big night for college basketball. we are down, at long last we're down to the final capital one commercial. michigan versus villanova for the national championship. when i was in high school i was recruited by villanova. did i ever tell you that, cleto? they recruited me but they didn't offer me a scholarship because i was playing too far above the rim. it would be an insurance policy if i got hurt. i hope you had a happy easter/i am a fools. i tried to explain april fools' day to my daughter. she's 3 years old. ed i said today is easter and april fools' day. this is day we play tricks on each other. she said no, it's easter. she ate so much candy yesterday. she went absolutely nuts when we tried to put her to bed. i thought the sugar thing was a myth. my wife said, if this is how you're going to behave you're not allowed to have sugar anymore. all i heard

hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show.nk you for watching, thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate your enthusiasm. [ cheers and applause ] i'm glad you're feeling this way because -- we had a little bit of a weird day at the office today because we had no college basketball games. all of the tvs were off, no one knew what to do. someone said, maybe we should work, but everyone laughed and checked instagram again. last night villanova beat michigan in men's college basketball. [ cheers and applause ] we had about 75 people in our office pool and one of our producers gina won it, she beat everybody and asked her on a scale of one to ten how much do you follow college basketball -- she said zero. that's how it goes. you know nothing and you win. like being president in a way. [ cheers and applause ] but i do want to say -- congratulations to villanova -- they're a dominant team. no team came within twelve points of beating villanova all tournament long. their coach, jay wright, didn't even have to go an inspi

>> jimmy: mer-mantis.n draw. >> well, wait and see. i honestly felt like tobey maguire in the first movie, designing my suit. [ applause ] >> jimmy: really good. >> -- i -- i don't know. i tried my best. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very muppetesque. >> it's so accurate, it's uncanny. >> jimmy: and finally, ironman. wow! i'm kidding. i'm kidding! here's what i really drew. >> jimmy: all right. the artwork is beautiful. we will auction this off for charity. when we come back, we're going to see a clip that no one has seen, even you guys. "avengers: infinity war." we'll be right back. ♪ women are amazing. our bodies grow babies. we run marathons, companies, solve problems. how? we fuel ourselves, with strawberries, almonds, and protein; chocolate, whole grains, and iron. food that's made for us to power us, power our strength. food like special k. and try new special k nourish berries & peaches with probiotics. ♪ ♪ the powerful backing of american express. don't live life without it. ( ♪ ) it's the details that ma

game on, jimmy. keep going.e with reaction out host of justice, with judge jeanine pirro and from the hill joe concha. you know, judge, i don't care on the comedy side of things, this has crossed a line. i'm laying down this gaunt let tonight because i'm a little tired of picking on innocent women reading to children and picking on kids that other people have done here. and out sanctimony that comes out of people. >> you know, sean, the hatred that is coming from the left is actually shocking. i mean, i have gotten the hypocrisy of hollywood for years. as have you. these people are in a den of iniquity. for them to turn around and look at our first lady make fun of her accent is really the lowest of the low. and i applaud you for doing this. these people are haters. and they are not to be tolerated and america will reject them in the next election. >> sean: judge, i'm throwing down the gauntlet. i'm not going to stop. they are going to stop by the time it's done. i will not, joe concha, it's not going to end wit

game on, jimmy. keep going.e with reaction out host of justice, with judge jeanine pirro and from the hill joe concha. you know, judge, i don't care on the comedy side of things, this has crossed a line. i'm laying down this gaunt let tonight because i'm a little tired of picking on innocent women reading to children and picking on kids that other people have done here. and out sanctimony that comes out of people. >> you know, sean, the hatred that is coming from the left is actually shocking. i mean, i have gotten the hypocrisy of hollywood for years. as have you. these people are in a den of iniquity. for them to turn around and look at our first lady make fun of her accent is really the lowest of the low. and i applaud you for doing this. these people are haters. and they are not to be tolerated and america will reject them in the next election. >> sean: judge, i'm throwing down the gauntlet. i'm not going to stop. they are going to stop by the time it's done. i will not, joe concha, it's not going to end wit

. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right. there you go. how did this come to be? how did you guys get together? how did you hook up? >> i met him on tinder. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but were you guys just in the same studio, or are you friends? >> you know, it was a couple of years ago i went onstage with him. >> he just walks onstage. >> yeah. >> during "roxanne." >> jimmy: what? [ cheers ] during "roxanne?" >> i thought it was sean paul. [ laughter ] >> but -- >> we had a good rapport, and then, i had a a track that i called -- which was the first single. and i asked him to come on it. and he came -- he walked in singing it. and i was like -- and then he did -- >> jimmy: but you just -- as you said -- >> people we realized our voices really blended. >> they do blend. >> and we had such fun with that. >> jimmy: and you recorded the album in new york and jamaica?

these self anxious sanctimonious social justice warrior late-night host jimmy kimmel is launching a newttack directed as yours truly. he can't stomach the fact we dared to call him out for smearing the first lady melania trump when he was mocking her accent as she was reading too little children. tonight on the show, we are laying down the gauntlet, we are going to fight fire with fire, we will show you video proof of his creepy, perverted, misogynistic and even racist past. that is tonight's breaking news opening monologue. let me say this at the start of the show, i am going after jimmy kimmel tonight,'r we are going to pound him with his own words. this is not something i prefer to do d on this show i don't tae joy in this but i have had it with the utter hypocrisy. the unrelentingtt attacks on not only a sitting president but his wife and his daughter and his 11-year-old son. the first lady of the united states, really? this never ends, it needs to en end. this isn't about politics, it isn't republican, democrat, conservative, liberal, it's way bigger than sean hannity or jimmy kimm

>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. today is friday and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox. i return some e-mails. and of course, i send out thank you notes. and i was just running a bit -- [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind today. so i thought, if you guys wouldn't mind, i would just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that okay with guys? [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's always in such a a good mood. >> steve: wow. mr. friday. >> jimmy: here he is, mr. friday. so much fun. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, college acceptance letters, for being the nicest way to ask someone if they'd like to be in debt for 20 years. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i just paid off my loans. ♪ thank you, person in front of me in the airport security line, for apparently never having been to an airport in your life. [ laughter ] take my belt off?

that's why i took on jimmy kimmel.e thought police and i sure as heck never wanted political correctness.s. never supported boycotts. jimmy, conservatives like me that support immigration, we are not anti-immigration, we believe in legal immigration. just as responsible people can disagree about some of the crazy things have you done in the past, i say let the audience decide. i have noticed by the way, jimmy, you seem focused on politics. you seem sincere when you talked about healthcare, you seemed sincere when you talked about the country. i want to extend an invitation. you want to come on this show, i promise no name calling, no anger, no rehash hashing of the twitter fight you want to have a serious discussion we can talk about the president, policies, comedy, political correctness. ending boycotts, how i supported bill maher, howard stern, don imus, opie and anthony. people that i disagree with vehemently. my bet is you will agreere with me on a lot more issues than you think. from my point of view, it's over wi

rivers is now staying in jimmy's house with jimmy's fiance and kids.and a bright future. how do you say thank you to a guy like that? >> i mean, i say thank you to him every day. ted do anything for him. >> reporter: when that wallet got stolen by a homeless kid, jimmy gilleece could have called on police, courts, or social services. rot, instead, he called on the best problem solver of all: the compassion within. steve hartman, "on the road," in wrightsville beach, north carolina. >> glor: is it me or do these stories just keep getting better? that is the "cbs evening news tonight. i'm jeff glor in new york. good night. have a good weekend. weather crossing the bay area. stranding drivers.. making >>> kpix5 news begins with hi- def doppler lit up with stormy weather crossing the bay area. >> and flooded streets are stranding drivers making it hard to get around. good evening. i'm veronica de la cruz. >> i'm allen martin. we or storm watch this evening because it has been a -- we are on storm watch this evening because it has been a rough one for drive

on jimmy kimmel ♪n jimmy kimmel ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live, avengers infinitynight -- chris hemsworth, chadwick boseman, karen gillan, sebastian stan, and josh brolin. plus music from middle kids. and now, stay seated, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. welcome, welcome. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for coming.

"jimmy kimmel live," shia labeouf. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live!"ht -- shia labeouf. from "killing eve," sandra oh. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from first aid kit. and now, so there's no confusion -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, thank you. thank you. thank you. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks to each and every one of you for coming. i appreciate it. it was a beautiful day here. [ cheers and applause ]

jimmy kimmel live, gwen stefani. >> we'll see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmeli, from "colony," josh holloway, and music from dierks bentley, and now, first things first, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: nice. thank you, thank you. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. wow. hey, before we -- before we get going, really -- i hate to do this.