>> jimmy: love it, five. okay >> yes >> you got this. >> jimmy: all right.ne >> jimmy: no, but theremin is not -- ♪ >> tariq: you sure you know this song? >> jimmy: yes, i know this song here we go ♪ >> there you go. ♪ >> "up" by cardi b >> jimmy: yes! [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ♪ >> it is "up." >> tariq: wow, that's amazing. >> jimmy: it is amazing. thank you. that was unbelievable. how did you get "up" >> that was cool, man. i was like, "i don't know what it is, but it sounds great." you guys one? okay oh, come on. all right. what do i got? >> tariq: upright bass >> upright bass? >> tariq: yeah >> is that that big one? >> tariq: yeah, it is the upright one. >> jimmy: you can do this, man you got this >> all right [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is great. >> this is just something i thought i'd never have to do in my life. [ laughter ] [ bass sounds lower? you think lower? okay >> jimmy: the audience is very interactive. >> okay. wait hold on. ♪ [ buzzer ] >> tariq: what was that? >> jimmy: yeah, a little more. >> one more time ♪ >> jimmy: it is like someth

>> jimmy: "jalapenos, oh, man!e best sandwich. >> steve: "you got to be done. "oh, what? >> jimmy: "one more topping? oh, man. this's from @longmatie80 >> steve: longmatie80. >> jimmy: they say, "do crabs think fish are flying? [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause >> steve: whoa, man. [ laughter ] this one's from @catarinavd. >> steve: oh, boy. that's not a good -- that's not a good name. catarinavd wow. >> jimmy: valentine's day. >> steve: oh, sure yeah, that's when you get it [ laughter ] wow. >> jimmy: i don't know it's probably her initials or something. >> steve: yeah, sure a lot of penicillin. catarinavd is that a strain [ laughter ] "you've >> steve: "there's no cure." >> jimmy: valentine's day. >> jimmy: she says, "once i was holding my boyfriend's hand, i looked down and thought, 'wow, we're wearing the same nail polish.' i was looking at my own fingers. [ laughter and applause oh, this is great. this one is from @thestrawberryfrog they say, "when you think about it, when you water water, it grows. >> stev

that >> jimmy: can you imagine?mmy: lucky, lucky lady. yeah >> steve: didn't break her hip, just dislodged it. >> jimmy: yeah dislodged and whack back in. >> steve: whack, right back in place. >> jimmy: up next, retailers are selling realistic muscular body suits for people who want to look fit without hitting the gym. let's see how that goes. >> the rock admits his impressive physique has been a a suit all along for his next movie, johnson will appear in his actual 140-pound body to portray a walgreen's stock boy named glen [ laughter and applause >> steve: what i wear children's pants. that's in the future >> jimmy: finally, it was announced that a new "downton abbey" movie will hit theaters later this year. let's check out the future >> the ninth "downton abbey" sequel was just announced. the movie is called "d9" and will feature vin diesel, ludacris, and maggie smith >> guys, we got to come up with another plan they got a tank. >> you can't be as desperate as that >> jimmy: there you go the future [ cheers and a

> jimmy: oh no!illiant? >> jimmy: no that already happened the first round. [ laughter ] you were brilliant the first round. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this one, i think this one, you came in with this one. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is your safety lie. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and what happened was, you kind of freaked out and you go, "am i going to tell the truth and just say what it is?" that would really get jimmy going. or do i make up a whole lie, your pre-made lie that you probably talked to your publicist about before you go, "saturday night life," tracy morgan, that will make jimmy guess that and you think i'm that easy to put the lock in and flip the switch and open my door, hop into the brain and go, "good day, love! [ laughter ] try again. you picked the wrong day what i'm trying to say is carey mulligan - [ drum roll -- you lied! yes! [ dinging [ cheers and applause ♪ [ laughter ] that's not bad [ laughter ] that actually is not bad you know how i kind of knew? >> yeah. >> jimmy: because you kind of smil

, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, there. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i appreciate it. after an emotional day on which three guilty verdicts were read in minneapolis and the united states. [ cheers and applause ] i think we're all grateful that it went the way did. in this case, the jury made the correct decision, a unanimous decision, which as step in the right direction. and i hope the verdict itself brings comfort to the family of george floyd and all those who mourn his death. i also want to say, good luck in prison, derek, you'll need it. that's right, i hope you're there for a very long time. today also happens to be april 20th. the day on which hitler, killer mike,and joey lawrence were born. [ laughter ] just goes to show you, astrology is dumb. it doesn't make any sense. [ laughter ] 4/20, of course, is a holiday for pot smokers and pot eaters who celebrate 4/20 by doing pretty much exactly what they do every day. [ cheers and

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for joining us at our home away from work from home. let's hear it for dogs, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] some weird stuff goes on here before the show. [ laughter ] i have some interesting health news to report. there is a great way to get the vaccine, anybody can get it, all you have to do is move to alaska. as of last night, alaska became the first state to offer the vaccine to every resident over the age of 16. which, of all places, the one state where everyone is already socially distant. [ laughter ] people move to alaska just to be six feet apart. but they had a big leg up on everyone else, first because the population is low, and secondly, the vaccines don't go bad when your whole state is a freezer. [ laughter ] so, good for them. on the opposite end of the pandemic spectrum, texas is opening their lungs up to all the covid you can breathe. texas today lifted their state-wide mask mandate. governor greg abbott said he was lifting the mandate

> jimmy just vented >> jimmy just vented >> is jimmy the other one?t, what >> jimmy, you just gave yourself away. >> look, look, now that we've all voted, jimmy didn't actually vent. [ laughter ] >> actually vent >> it wasn't jimmy >> oh my gosh! >> it was noah >> jimmy: noah, are you joking me >> good job, noah. >> noah, good job. that was real good >> you should be an actor. >> jimmy: alright, here we go. this one is for real alright, no more practice. >> more practice >> jimmy: i just want to witness a murder >> someone's going to die. someone's going to die here. >> oh! >> tariq: yo, i saw my murder. >> jimmy: you dead >> tariq: someone decapitated me >> jimmy: you guys all hanging out? >> trust >> jimmy: trust in the bathroom, dude just everyone stand on top of each other [ laughter ] >> why are we all here >> jimmy: because we all gotta trust each other and understand that we're a team >> this game is getting very clickish [ laughter ] >> kirk's dead kirk's dead. >> they killed me. >> tariq: the roots are dead >> the murderer is wearing glasses

>> jimmy: wow!elievable ♪ >> oh, jimmy >> jimmy: i told you this. i told the producer, they said, "dude, this is going to take a a long time. i go, "no, you've never seen strahan. he's awesome." >> come on, you've got this man. i want to drink. i want to drink something. >> jimmy: i know, i know ♪ it's like beer mixed with white claw >> you can do it >> jimmy: all right, buddy >> come on, man. you got it [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: just give me one more >> you need one more >> jimmy: here we go [ audience aws ] oh god are you going to just win right here this is it you just crushed me in this, man. like last time we played and you sank that puck oh, my god come on now. if that went in -- [ audience aws ] >> if i would have made that - >> jimmy: then i would have to retire what am i -- oh, my god, don't laugh. when you laugh like that, i know that means you're going to win. hold on. >> go ahead, man make me drink one. >> jimmy: all right, this one, here we go are you ready? [ cheers and applause [ aud

>> jimmy: that's another good one. "out!" >> jimmy: "out."u three different -- >> steve: yeah, you get three different things on everything that's what makes you such a a great actor. >> jimmy: thank you, man, appreciate it! >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: "out." >> steve: now you're scared. do you're scared >> jimmy: "out!" >> steve: now you're angry >> jimmy: "out!" trepidation -- you have trepidation -- you're trepidatious>> jimmy: "out?" [ laughter ] here's another one here. harry styles >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: plus a ceramics wheel, equals harry potter >> steve: oh [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see, you understand? >> steve: yeah, that's mathematics. popular. [ applause ] >> jimmy: up next, if you take ted danson >> steve: ted danson >> jimmy: plus tom selleck >> steve: mm-hh. >> jimmy: plus steve guttenberg, plus da baby, equals three men and da baby [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they should make that >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: they should make that >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: starting filming tomorrow >> steve: yeah "three men and da baby." >> jimmy: "

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'll also a ww superstar. thanks for watching. you know what? you don't have to watch, i know that. you could be on tiktok watching the young people dance. but here we are on world health day. and guess what? the world isn't that healthy today. [ laughter ] the world is actually pretty sickly. there were 62,000 new cases of covid here in the united states alone yesterday. and this is interesting. five states account for nearly half of the new covid infections. new york, new jersey, michigan, pennsylvania, and yes, florida. what are the chances it wouldn't be florida? [ laughter ] some of these states make sense. jersey has the highest population density, new york has the biggest city. florida's whole economy is based on strangers drinking jungle juice and grinding on each other. [ laughter ] but pennsylvania and michigan, what the hell are you guys up to? there are only 176 people per square mile in michigan. get on a pontoon boat and wait it out already, will you? [ laughter ] the good news is, we've been ave

>> jimmy: lil jon? jimmy: alright. [ light laughter ] it is time for "news and improved." here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ news and improved ♪ >> jimmy: for example, check out this first photo the original headline was "matsuyama wins the masters. that headline can definitely be improved because if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been "friend cancels zoom happy hour." [ cheers and applause too bad. let's check out this next photo here the original headline was "biden unveils budget proposal." >> steve: oh, gosh >> jimmy: but if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been "friends insist botox is barely noticeable." [ laughter ] [ applause ] up next this headline says "additional stimulus checks debated. headline could have been "world's most annoying couple signs dinner checks together." [ laughter and applause "you write the tip no, you write the tip. now, you -- let's both write the tip. [ laughter ] next headline was, "putin orders talks on new tax incentives."

hi, ladies. >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you? it's jimmy kimmel. and i'm here with a very special person. his name is andy garcia. the actor. are you familiar with andy? >> i am. >> yes. >> jimmy: well, it's his 65th birthday today. would you like to say happy birthday to andy? >> happy birthday! >> happy birthday, andy! >> you can talk to them, andy. >> thank you so much. be safe! >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right. there you go. okay. well, that was nice, right? a walk-by. got to go. >> jimmy: i know you're a big dodgers fan. we've also arranged for clayton kershaw to be a part of your birthday, but he's not actually here and you won't see him. >> well, that's pretty much standard operating procedure in our relationship. >> jimmy: how many times have you thrown out the first pitch at dodgers stadium? >> twice. >> jimmy: two times. we have photos from both of those times. so the first one -- well, your form is not bad. but it looks like you really improved by the second time around. have you been cuba libre'ing it up a little bit before the first o

, jimmy?ing? >> i'm doing well. >> jimmy: you're doing the news right after we talk, right? >> yes, that's right, that's why i'm all dressed up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're wearing almost the same thing. will you wear that, or will you switch? do you switch from a comedy outfit to your news outfit? >> i've been wearing this for the past three or four days. [ laughter ] i've given up. >> jimmy: what are you covering tonight, what's the big story? >> obviously the trial of derek chauvin. >> jimmy: right. >> for killing george floyd. and, you know, we'll have some more about where we are in this pandemic and a bunch of other stories, probably. >> jimmy: you're here in l.a. right now? >> yes. >> jimmy: down the street from us. >> yes. >> jimmy: the last time i saw you was in march of last year. >> when andy cohen tried to kill us. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when andy cohen tried to kill us, i'm glad you mentioned that. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: this is right when we first heard of the pandemic. right?

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for -- thanks for everything. i hope your weekend was good. our weekend really ended with a bang. did you feel the earthquake, guillermo? >> no, i did not feel it. >> jimmy: you didn't feel it at all? >> guillermo: no, i was asleep. >> jimmy: we got a nice little jolt early this morning. this is interesting. when we went to bed, it was april 4th -- 4/4. the earthquake happened at 4:44:00 a. 4:44:00 a.m. and it was measured at 4 on the richter scale. that has to mean something, right? could this be how the four horsemen of the apocalypse show up? the good news is my precious moments figurines are fine. no damage. now owe, they always say you should have a plan for when the earthquake hurts. turns out my plan is to wake up, grab my phone, look at twitter and put it down. that's my plan. earthquakes really are the only thing twitter is good for. there were no reports of significant damage, though they did have to close the etch-a-sketch museum. that was sup

jimmy: no. dante: no. that, in business, consumers will rally around a cause or a story or some personal connection they have. people like to do business with people. it's okay that you amplify who you are. that's how i make a connection with you. you've really been a mother and a father for... jimmy: for 19 years now. ♪♪ lemonis: you have the financials that we can look at? jimmy: yeah, yeah. lemonis: wanna go get them? jimmy: yeah, sure. lemonis: are these the books? dante: yeah. keep track of how much cash, how much was on credit cards. lemonis: this does not look like a financial statement. this looks like a bookie... jimmy: yeah, i understand what you're saying, yeah. lemonis: like, this is how a bookie keeps numbers. jimmy: we don't have it printed out. lemonis: so how much did it do last year in revenue? dante: uh, about, like, 460 -- lemonis: no, no. i don't want an "about." i want the exact number. dante: um... lemonis: can you guys add it up? jimmy: he's just busting our balls now, i think. dante

>> jimmy: "the scream. >> steve: oh, edvard munch >> jimmy: very famous "scream. >> steve: yes. >> jimmyart on the chocolate bar >> jimmy: and you're allowed to eat them >> steve: oh, and you ingest them fantastic. >> jimmy: you ingest them or yeah, i throw them back up and try to - >> steve: redo the art >> jimmy: -- piece them together yeah, i almost make it almost like a puzzle. >> steve: oh, i see. >> jimmy: i eat the chocolates >> steve: right. >> jimmy: don't swallow them >> steve: right. >> jimmy: spit out what i have in pieces. see if i could get the family together [ laughter ] >> steve: you guys put them back together >> jimmy: well, they've been vaccinated my dad has been vaccinated >> steve: exactly, everybody's -- >> jimmy: so i get them in there and we alos put the chocolate pieces together. it's so much fun >> steve: you know, it brings the family together too. >> jimmy: it's the best thing we have done together in like five years. >> steve: five >> jimmy: well, last time we did -- what we do before we had -- well, we had a wrestling tournament five years ago. [ laughter ]

>> guillermo: yes, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you know what they say. it's not the air "quality" that counts. it's the air "quantity." did you celebrate 4/20 last night, guillermo? >> guillermo: of course, jimmy, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: seems like you're still celebrating it. >> guillermo: a little bit, yes. >> jimmy: a little bit. by yourself? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: i tell you something, we were shooting something last night, something didn't work out. i was like, maybe we'll have guillermo do this. they're like, forget about it, it's 4/20. >> guillermo: i was at home set greating. >> jimmy: all right. we have a very entertaining show planned tonight. not as entertaining as what went on at guillermo's house. we have music from maroon 5. with an assist from megan thee stallion. [ cheers and applause ] and back with us for the first time in four years, former president george walker texas ranger bush. president bush is promoting his new book of portraits. he's a painter now. which -- can you imagine donald trump painting? he'd be li

>> jimmy: wow. >> steve: mmm! >> steve: and cake >> jimmy: now higgins, try - >> steve: very good. >> moist delicious. >> jimmy: cake number two. >> steve: cake number two. [ laughter ] oh, my god is that a human ear? >> jimmy: yes. what >> steve: oh, my god did the cake drop? >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> steve: no, looks delicious. >> jimmy: can you guess who that is? >> steve: i'm going to say it's a player who died in a horrible accident [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: the famous - >> steve: the famous player from the, what, baltimore is that >> jimmy: that's correct >> steve: orioles? >> jimmy: sure >> steve: okay, let me try where do i even begin with this delicious -- >> jimmy: that's exactly right >> steve: i'm going to say it's a yellow cake, i'm guessing. >> jimmy: yup, that's the fun thing about this cake. everyone can cut it from all angles >> steve: you know what, yeah. and the person becomes co-author of the cake. >> jimmy: you can remove the hat, too, if you want and slice down the middl >> st

>> jimmy: yeah >> hit the button? >> jimmy: yeah, perfect."wet leaves." there you have it, everybody those are my "thank you notes. thank you so much to my helpers. we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody. ♪ ♪♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm so glad to see you sunshine ♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ ♪ it's been dark for such a long time ♪ ♪ hello sunshine ♪ how great is it that we get to tell everybody how liberty mutual customizes your car insurance ♪ it's been dark for such a long time ♪ so you only pay for what you need? i mean it... uh-oh, sorry... oh... what? i'm an emu! no, buddy! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty. ♪ how did kellogg's combine crunchy oat clusters with a touch of honey... plump, juicy raisins and tasty fiber into one delicious cereal? it took a lot of bran-storming. get it? kellogg's raisin bran crunch. two scoops of delicious. new upgraded axe body wash. ge♪ ♪t? keeps you clean and smelling refreshed for 12 hours. ♪ ♪ i'm david collado i chose the spark cash card from capital one. cause i

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. you know, we do this show from hollywood in the state of california, where as of today any person over the age of 16 is eligible to get the covid vaccine. [ cheers and applause ] this is interesting. did you know the vaccine is only half as effective if you don't post about it on instagram? [ laughter ] if you're 16, tiktok. gut you get the idea. [ laughter ] unfortunately, just over 1 in 5 americans say they will not get the vaccine. same number as dentists who don't recommend sugarless gum. [ laughter ] and another 12% say they're going to wait to let everyone else get to it see how it goes. i guess i understand people being skeptical about putting a new kind of medicine in their bodies. but the truth is we don't know anything about anything we put in our bodies. we eat hot dogs, chicken mcnuggets, we drink mountain dew code red. [ laughter ] now, suddenly, we're all jessica alba all of a sudden. organic in my vooins only,

hi, michelle hi jimmy >> jimmy: we're in the wrong zoom sorry, guys. >> our bad >> jimmy: my fault that's> you can stay. >> jimmy: that's my fault. >> hello can you come back, please? wow! >> oh, my god! [ applause ] >> it wasn't an illusion >> jimmy: it really happened >> oh my god >> you guys are awesome. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: the greatest the greatest my thanks to michelle obama! more with michelle after the break, everybody come on back for "the tonight show"! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ why do you build me up ♪ ♪ (build me up) ♪ ♪ buttercup, baby ♪ ♪ just to let me down ♪ ♪ (let me down) ♪ ♪ and mess me around ♪ ♪ and then worst of all ♪ ♪ (worst of all) ♪ ♪ you never call, baby ♪ ♪ when you... ♪ ♪ say you will... ♪ carl. what have you done? think anyone will notice? yes. yeah. if you ride, you get it. yeah, they will. geico motorcycle. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. ♪ hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ hey, how you doing baby? ♪ ♪ you look mighty fine, ♪ ♪ i figured i might come your way and ♪ ♪ roll up on you with that golden ticket... ♪ smell irresistible. the new

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.nks for watching, and don't think i don't appreciate it. i do. thank you. i'd like to begin the show tonight with a bombshell that was dropped this morning on bachelor nation. remember colton underwood? the virgin bachelor? this morning, he delivered what may go down as the most shocking finale in bachelor history. >> i ran from myself for a long time, i hated myself for a long time. i'm gay. >> jimmy: well -- i am too. [ laughter ] i was just waiting for somebody else to say it. wait a minute. if you're gay, why are you in a house dating 25 women? that was the big question, i guess. was it fair to those women who were all there for the right reasons, i'm sure. [ laughter ] does abc now owe them a do-over? could they sue? how does colton feel about putting the lives of so many dental hygienists on hold? >> i just wish i wouldn't have dragged people into my own mess of figuring out who i was. i -- i genuinely mean that. but i also at the same time, like -- i can sit here and say i'm sor

>> jimmy: look at you. now it became huge on tiktok. how did you find out that it had gotten so popular? >> i was on social media a a while back, like, before my parents passed away. and i heard a-dub, the producer here put this beat out and he was like, "i need lyrics for this." this beat, and i liked the beat it was really, really catchy so i went in the studio. in my parents' studio, and then i just closed my eyes and i started to free style. and that was the first take. i just sent it over to him >> jimmy: one take >> and he made the track >> jimmy: wow! and indii, you came up with the dance. did you know it was going viral? were you're just hoping and just like, "i'm going to try this." >> i made the dance to go along just because and then two years later, the tiktok goes viral i'm like, it's shocking, because, like, i wasn't even expecting it to go viral >> jimmy: how long does it take you to come up with the dance? >> like about five minutes i hadn't been on a bus since i went to school and when i go

jimmy: wow!portunity to check out the scrip basically modernize it you know, make it more of a reflection of the world that we live in today i kind of jumped at the opportunity. you know, especially to do my own stunts you know, you grow up watching these types of movies. you know, you've got wesley snipes, and tom cruise, and michael jai white and jackie chan who trained, you know what i'm saying, for these stunts and now, i get a chance to do it myself. i'm all for that >> jimmy: but i watch you do all these stunts and this really is an action packed movie. like beyond action packed movie. >> it's fun. >> jimmy: at one point, you're fighting off three guys. you light a car on fire and then, you get in that car and i go, "never seen that one before wow! and it's you doing it for real >> yeah. yeah, that's me. >> jimmy: what's that like are you afraid see, i would be afraid of messing up the take. and be like, "okay, jimmy, no big deal we'll just light another car on fire." [ light laughter ] >>

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, eveyone. hi, i'm jimmy. the host of the show. thaenlg thanks for watching it. thanks for joining us at our headquarters here in hollywood, l.a., california. hollywood got a little shout-out from the former president of the united states today. apparently he's been thinking about the oscars down there at mar-a-lago. and today he committed those thoughts to paper. “statement by donald j. trump, 45th president of the united states." [ laughter ] somebody. >> somebody brought this into room, oh boy, this is good to be good, what is it? “what used to be called the academy awards, and is now called the “oscars”, a far less important and elegant name, had the lowest television ratings in recorded history, even much lower than last year, which set another record low. if they keep with the current ridiculous formula, it will only get worse, if that's possible. go back 15 years, look at the formula they then used, change the name back to the academy awards, don't be so politically correct and boring, and do it right.

october. >> jimmy: mr.hat's what they called reggie jackson >> jimmy: that's correct reginald - >> steve: j. jackson >> jimmy: p. jackson mr. october. >> steve: rocktober. mr. september. >> jimmy: has anyone made rocktober jokes for dwayne johnson >> steve: no, not yet. >> jimmy: he has a movie coming out. i guess he's too big, they won't release his movies in october. >> steve: i would. >> jimmy: second release >> steve: the dwayne "rocktober" johnson. >> jimmy: i'm not saying he should be called rocktober >> steve: you're saying the movie should >> jimmy: no, the movie shouldn't either but when they release the movie, they go, "this rocktober. >> questlove: nice >> jimmy: you see what i'm saying so if he had a theme, like a a halloween theme. >> steve: yeah, sure >> jimmy: maybe a halloween themed film? >> steve: perhaps. a john carpenter type of movie where some sort of teen is either scared by a a michael myers, or not. >> jimmy: no, maybe a teen of a certain age is chased through the woods. >> steve: y

>> jimmy: yes!y for this you want to see a cute baby, get ready for this look, this is little win right here look at -- are you joking me [ laughter ] >> that is the best. >> thank you >> jimmy: that is just precious oh, my god the little sneakers, oh, my gosh what a great name. win. >> yeah. win wilson >> jimmy: do you call him winnie >> sometimes i do say winnie the pooh we play a lot of winnie the pooh with them so yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, you end up making so many nicknames for your kids. i don't even call them by their names anymore. i call them like, noodle and doodle [ laughter ] it's crazy how is the baby? how is he? >> he's amazing. win is so energetic. he's all over the place. i definitely think he's got dad's genes all running through him. >> jimmy: really >> he's ready to play right now. he's ready to rock 'n' roll. it's a lot of fun. our hands are tied >> jimmy: yeah you recently celebrated an anniversary. this is -- march 26th marks six years to the day you two first met. what do you re

>> hey jimmy >> jimmy: roger, welcome back to the show.n called -- >> i've got to say, i've never had so much fun singing that song other than the first time i sang it on the record. that was fun >> jimmy: wow. >> so doing it with the roots on those instruments that was so refreshing it brought it back to life it was fabulous. i absolutely loved it. [ cheers and applause thank you guys you were fabulous. >> jimmy: we've been called -- tariq calls us the dream team of late night. [ laughter ] i'll let him have that, but we are. but obviously, the who is an iconic rock band, but you as a a lead singer of the band, not only your singing but your fashion. but also your, the swinging of the microphone that is iconic, and no one else can do it without me going, "that's roger daltrey. when did you do it first, and go like, "well, that could be my thing?" >> i did it out of pure boredom, actually. because i was on a stage with two maniacs, and a very straight bass player and i just got bored and i thought, i've got this thing in my hand, that i'm

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: well, hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] how do i get myself into these? wow, it's -- thank you. this should be an interesting show. all the way from an undisclosed location, the mypillow man, mike lindell, is here. [ cheers and applause ] somehow, a simple pillow salesman from minnesota got to the bottom of the deepest conspiracy in the history of american politics! it's so crazy. it's almost hard to believe! [ laughter ] this was a big day for friends of donald trump. the feds raided the new york city apartment and office of rudy giuliani today. the fbi showed up with search warrants at 6:00 this morning. they made sure to show up in daylight, when rudy was still asleep in his coffin. [ laughter ] they took the former mayor's electronic devices, they were seized. i think it's safe to assume none of those electronic devices were toothbrushes. [ laughter ] rudy's lawyer very upset. he called the raid "legal thuggery." he said, "why would you do this to anyone,let alone someone

and now jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there, hi. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. oh, that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] i hope you brought your lobster. we have a wall-to-wall show for you starting with mark wahlberg and ending with the wallflowers. [ cheers ] and the secret service is in the building too. because you know how donald trump was always asking where hunter is? >> he's here in our building. [ laughter ] he's been here the whole time, turns out. son of joe, hunter biden, is with us. hunter is here to promote his new memoir in which he chronicles among other things his crack addiction. this book is wild. he bought crack right here on our block. can you imagine that? [ laughter ] crack in this neighborhood? of all places? that has to be fake news. [ laughter ] anyway i have many questions for hunter. and since he's here, i will ask them. and hey, you know who else is writing a book? mike pence. the former vice poodle is putting pence to paper. he signed a two-book deal with simon & schuster. i wonder

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. hi, i am jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. happy pranksgiving to one and all. today is the first day of may. today is april fools' day. historians believe that april fools' day dates all the way back to 1582. to france where people would put paper fish on each other's backs, and call them "april fish." guillermo, turn around. yeah. i put one on your back a minute ago. >> guillermo: oh, you did? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you see how funny that is? >> guillermo: yeah, wow. >> jimmy: let me tell you, the french are hilarious. they really are. [ laughter ] at mar-a-lago today, donald trump played a very cruel prank on his son, eric. he opened his arms and pretended he was going to hug him. [ laughter ] remember last year when trump promised the coronavirus would disappear by easter? that was a good one. [ laughter ] that was maybe the best one ever. april fools' is too easy this year. all you have to do is sneeze. and you've won. [ laughter ] this is not a prank, or maybe it is, who know

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for clapping. this is so much better than having a regular audience. you know? i hope your weekend was good. on saturday, i don'tknow if you saw this, in brooklyn, they had a memorial for dmx, the legendary hip-hop artist. we had him on our show a couple times. and he always put on a great show. but on saturday, he topped everything with what has to be the single greatest funeral procession of all time. look at this. instead of a hearse, they transported his coffin via monster truck. is that not incredible? this is what they should have done for prince philip over in england. i told my wife that is how i want my funeral to go. i want to roll like the ruff ryders. except i want my truck to go across the country. start in brooklyn, where i was born. make a stop in every city i ever lived. tampa, phoenix, tucson, seattle, palm springs, las vegas, and end up right here in hollywood. with a cabo wabo brunch for everyone. wouldn't that be nice? guillermo, will you see to it that that

sorry. >> jimmy, the whole time you're clapping, jimmy's singing like this [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry i did. >> you did do it [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i did do it. >> way to give me a foreign language >> jimmy: okay, bud, i'm gonna put on put on my headphones and start my jam >> you were so into the "all night long" vibes that yeah. >> jimmy: i know, it really took over, that is such a good jam. all right, here we go. all right, hold on [ laughter ] ♪ 'cause i know what it mean to walk alone ♪ >> that is too damn high hold on. >> jimmy: wait, wait start again. start again. >> i got to do a key change. all right. key change ♪ here i go again on my own ♪ >> jimmy: "here i go again on my own," whitesnake! [ dings ] ♪ [ cheers and applause come on. that's my bud. ♪ going down the only roa i've ever known ♪ >> jimmy: luke bryan, everybody. a little whitesnake. [ cheers and applause stick around for more "tonight show," everybody ♪ here i go again on my own ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ who can take a sunrise ♪ ♪ sprinkle it with dew ♪ ♪ cover it in choclate and a miracle or two ♪ ♪ the candy m

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: oy, thank you, thank you. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on what was one of the least productive days we've had here at our office in quite some time. because mike lindell, the mypillow guy, with whom i am obsessed, launched his new website and is now about a third of the way through a 48-hour live yell-a-thon. he's planning to broadcast live for 48 straight on his new social media site, frankspeech.com. and you know, a lot of people said the ceo of a pillow company couldn't successfully launch a major social media site and those people were 100% correct. it is really -- i highly recommend it. it is quite a spectacle. if you're high, i recommend it. it's like the jerry lewis telethon if jerry was on a public access channel and crack. it's quite a production. phones were ringing, crank calls were pouring in, the lights went out, he kept ranting and raving about the same things over and over again. machines, vaccines, and me. >> i said we're not going to let you use th

>> jimmy: "got to go to the hut! >> steve: what >> jimmy: "i got to explore my options.ou hear me now? i'll take anything." is it going over to verizon? >> steve: wow, lot of ads. >> jimmy: hey, man [ laughter ] get this, i saw that two new budget airlines breeze airways and avelo airlines are set to begin flying this spring breeze isn't exactly the best name for an airplane [ light laughter ] not really what you want to feel while flying in a plane [ laughter ] they're just like, "has somebody got the window down?" just like to do that 600 miles an hour. [ light laughter ] i'm not saying they're cheap but they make spirit and southwest look like dolce and gabbana. do you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] i'm not saying they're cheap but when you take off, all the passengers have to pedal [ laughter ] instead of standard seating, when you board the plane the flight attendants just hand you a folding chair. [ laughter ] passengers boarding both breeze and avelo will be looking at each other at the gate like, "good luck." wow. [ laughter ] meanwhile, the winners of the cr

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, thank you. i'm the host of the show. thank you nor watching. thank you for joining us on another major news day. and when i say "major" i am again talking about president biden's dog. [ laughter ] who last night, i informed you, bit an employee of the national park service. this was his second attack this month. and then today we learn, via the a.p., that major, or his colleague champ, has defiled the hallway -- [ laughter ] outside the reception room just off the white house south lawn. what a scoop that is. [ laughter ] i like that the white house dog making a bowel movement is a news story. a year ago, we were out of ventilators.pokay? [ laughter ] meanwhile, it was a day of celebration for about half of college basketball fans here in l.a. our 11th-seeded ucla bruins beat number one seed michigan in a thriller last night. [ cheers and applause ] to advance to the final four, where they will face off against the fictional "school" known as "gonzaga." [ laughter ] gonzaga is undefeated. becaus

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, hello, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host.nks for watching our show. thanks for remaining conscious or semiconscious, whichever it is. hey, you know what? we got some good news for a change. as the president, biden announced that, by april 19th, every adult in the country will be eligible to get the vaccine. [ cheers and applause ] you get a shot and you get a shot and you get a shot! [ cheers and applause ] thank you, president joe-prah! [ laughter ] i have to say, this is going to be a solid plan. get vaxxed on 4/19. then you smoke it up on 4/20. [ cheers and applause ] the timing is beautiful. this vaccine is like losing your virginity. one of your friends does it, tells you all about it. it's exciting. then another one does. tells you what it's like. then the months go by, and all of a sudden you realize you're the only person you know who hasn't been poked. [ laughter ] you start imagining it all the time, wondering when. maybe you get so desperate, you're willing to pay for it. [ laughter ] i guess what i'm trying to say

allison janney you look fantastic >> jimmy >> jimmy: thank you. >> jimmy, i can't -- i mean, i cannotk for me to be here? >> jimmy: that's sounds so bizarre to me. i feel like we've had great interviews >> we have >> jimmy: haven't we >> no, we haven't. >> jimmy: yeah >> this is our first interview together >> jimmy: oh, well, this is so be kind [ laughter ] and gentle >> jimmy: we'll never forget this day, april 14th, 4-1-4. >> 4-1-4 is our date will forever be in our hearts. >> i love you. i'm so happy to be here. >> jimmy: i love you i'm a big fan. and you're fantastic i want to get into so many things but let's talk about "mom. you wrapped up, finished filming. this is eight seasons. this is 170 episodes it's got to be emotional is it bittersweet? what is it >> you know what, it's everything as everything is it's never one thing sometimes i'd be driving on the lot and it was like, "oh, my god. this is the last monday i'll be driving on the warner bros. lot and i was filming myself and, of course, that one day it was a guard who didn't know me so it was like, you know, "can i see y

let me give it a try. >> all right, jimmy, go jimmy. >> jimmy: go jimmy. >> that was actually worse than today, cancel them because we're going to be here all day. >> what jimmy did was start like this. >> jimmy: oh. >> and his energy is already going to go this way or down. >> jimmy: i think we have to concentrate on the artistry. >> it is all about artistry as well. >> jimmy: okay, so. >> that, okay -- that -- okay, you went like this but then you go down here and that arm's like. >> jimmy: oh. >> left out of the loop. unless you want to go one arm? >> no, i'm gonna break my arm. >> jimmy: she puts her hand down and then the leg. that's where we fail. i think we're really good for the first three percent of the cart wheel it's the next 97 we're having trouble with. >> come on jimmy, you can do it. >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. >> okay -- >> jimmy: that should be over. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. i'll tell you right now, there's no chance i'll be able to do this. >> no you can. >> give it a shot. >> i'll give it a im: ah >> whoa. okay. yeah. there. the back leg needs to just forward through. >>

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>> jimmy: jimmy kimmel. >> i don't care for him! >> jimmy: well, i am him, and we are on the show and i have some questions for you. mike. yeah, great, that's good. is it true mypillow lost 65 million dollars because of these conspiracy theories? >> that is so true. my company, mypillow which makes the most beautiful, soft foam rubber sacks stuffed with passion by white people in my home state of minnesota suffered a $65 million loss because left-wing media outlets have painted a picture of me as some kind of crackpot even though i haven't done crack or pot in years! >> jimmy: is it possible that people think you're crazy because you often say crazy things? >> now that's -- you better watch it or i'll get your i.p. address, punk! the only thing crazy i see is dominion! dominion is building voting machines that only cast ballots for democrats, instead of what they should be working on. >> jimmy: which is what? >> which is robots that can tell if you're a gay! i've lost $65 million and i'll happily lose $65 million more if that's the

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there. hi. thank you, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching at home. thank you for your mandatory applause. [ cheers and applause ] give me a minute to soak it in. oh, thank you. boy, i have to admit, i'm tired. at 3:30 this morning, our son billy, who turned 4 yesterday, scampered into our room. he scampers. [ laughter ] he wakes us up. and says to my wife, "mom? can you ask siri if tarantulas bite?" [ laughter ] this was three hours before the sun comes up, he wants to know if tarantulas bite. so we put him back in bed and then i start wondering, "do tarantulas bite? or do they sting?" do you know, guillermo? >> guillermo: i think they might. >> jimmy: my only reference was this spider-man comic i remember from when i was a kid. one of the villains he used to fight was the tarantula. he was from south america. he had spikes on his feet. so i thought, well, maybe he stings. so then i had to get my phone and look it up. tarantulas do bite. they do not sting. [ laughter ] an

>> jimmy: no, come on, you're fantastic. >> jimmy: robin, it's not just your cast that is made up of's important to you >> i love it so much you know, in our writers' room which is all black women, our cast is all black women, our directors, our editors, we get to really have this amazing experience of not having to explain ourselves before we do our jokes. of not having to, you know -- you know, you don't have to say, "okay, there's this singer named patti labelle. "yeah, yeah, we know who that is." so we get to just make these sort of free, magical, joy-filled sketches. and season two, which comes out on friday -- [ cheers and applause we're so excited it's full of all this black lady joy and i think that's what we really need right now. >> jimmy: has this past year -- obviously must have affected the writing on this show >> for me, you know, we started season two, two weeks after -- just after i saw you last. two weeks after that, we started writing season two and then we were ready no shoot in march, and five days before we were going to shoot, march of 2020, we got shut down, as

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you, thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in the united states of america. which is, according to "u.s. news and world report," the number six best country in the world! [ cheers and applause ] that's right -- sixth! which is actually not bad considering we had a violent insurrection to overthrow our own government this year. [ laughter ] the award for number one country -- the best one in the world goes to -- drumroll please -- oh, never mind no drumroll -- canada! canada is number one. those mother puckers. [ laughter ] a country with a moose on its coins is better than us. japan was number two. despite being home to a giant, radioactive lizard. germany was third. switzerland and australia round out the top five. and then it's us. we actually moved up a spot from number seven last year. krch [ cheers and applause ] so that's good. if trump had won, he'd have made america eight again. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so anyway, congratulations to our ne

jimmy lai is watching carefully.election will have an impact on hong kong. if biden is like 0bama, we are screwed. it is nerve cracking. it is so close. but as the day unfolds, the results don't move in trump's favour. i'm more nervous than in the morning, because it has changed a lot. but as the election drama is playing out, there is news of another blow against press freedom in hong kong. among the wave of arrests is miss choy, a television producer who was investigating alleged collusion between criminal gangs and the police. it has struck a chord with amy, a fellow investigative journalist. i am really shocked and i am scared. and, um, yeah, iwas just — break down. because i believe in what i am doing. i do it not for myself... they are just trying to suppress us, i think, so it is really frustrating and really angry. and i believe they are just trying to suppress the press in hong kong. morning. morning, hey. how are you? we go out there, for breakfast. we have had a tipoff that jimmy lai might be detained by t

jimmy lai is watching carefully.election will have an impact on hong kong. if biden is like 0bama, we are screwed. it is nerve cracking. it is so close. but as the day unfolds, the results don't move in trump's favour. i'm more nervous than in the morning, because it has changed a lot. but as the election drama is playing out, there is news of another blow against press freedom in hong kong. among the wave of arrests is miss choy, a television producer who was investigating alleged collusion between criminal gangs and the police. it has struck a chord with amy, a fellow investigative journalist. i am really shocked and i am scared. and, um, yeah, iwas just — break down. because i believe in what i am doing. i do it not for myself... they are just trying to suppress us, i think, so it is really frustrating and really angry. and i believe they are just trying to suppress the press in hong kong. morning. morning, hey. how are you? we go out there, for breakfast. we have had a tipoff that jimmy lai might be detained by t

jimmy is taken to the irison seeing. jimmy is taken to the prison van. — seeing.dcuffs. byi prison van, in handcuffs. by lookini prison van, in handcuffs. by looking at his picture, he looks like he's committing some really serious crime. all the chains, handcuffed him, the chains, handcuffed him, the chains around his waist, it is like he's a murderer. i suppose we have the human rights protected under the basic law in hong kong but practically you do feel paranoid, you are frightened, you are so scared of getting the jail time. filmy of getting the “ail time. amy is tasked with — of getting the jail time. amy is tasked with documenting everyone arrested under the new law. 50 everyone arrested under the new law, ., , everyone arrested under the new law, ., i. ., everyone arrested under the new law. so many charged. i have two create — law. so many charged. i have two create more _ law. so many charged. i have two create more rows. - law. so many charged. i have two create more rows. apple | two create more rows. apple daily will be closed very soon. jimmy lai, he

hunter thompson, he loved jimmy carter. he helped make jimmy carter president.n't think carter would have been president with out of hunter thompson's very strong support. somebody that he should look at. hunter thompson when ted kennedy and others had been speaking, go out to his car and refresh his iced tea with wild turkey and then he hears carter talk about racial justice quoting bob dylan who he had been very friendly with. hunter goes out and he makes a tape of this speech from 1974 and he plays it all over the country for young journalists. he stayed supportive of carter to the end of his life. he saw things that other people did not see in carter. there were a lot of progressives that did not like carter. he was kind of conservative on certain budget issues and other things. it was always a, people did not feel like they had his number. there was a certain amount of bias which hunter thompson saw through and understood that they were dealing with a compelling and historic individual. >> let's finish with this one very story about jimmy carter speaking af

so jimmy g.ter for now. >> i'm sure the next conversation will be with jimmy garoppolo. what would you like him to know right now? >> i'm excited to learn from him. everything he's done, he's mental for me. i'm super excited to get there as soon as i can and learn as fast as i can. >> if he isn't here, i'm disappointed. jimmy is a quarterback who played one year and took us to a super bowl and played at a very high level. we made this move, so it's obvious what i hope and what i believe in with this guy coming in, but it would be a very tough situation if jimmy's not on our team. i want jimmy to be here. >> a couple bay area notables, alijah vera-tucker out of bishop o'dowd high school offensive tackle out of usc chosen by the new york jets the 14th overall pick and najee harris, star tailback from antioch high coming off a national championship from alabama goes 24 to the pittsburgh steelers. >>> trailing by double digits most of the game, have no fear, steph curry is here, heur-pllea steph with