he's like me >> jimmy: yeah >> but he is he's hilarious >> jimmy: hilarious. >> hilarious >> jimmy: and> amazing he directed. yeah, so he was very busy running about -- >> jimmy: yeah >> -- on his little legs [ laughter ] and -- and -- yeah. he was great he doesn't speak in the movie. so the movie is -- basically ken jeong is a very down on his luck publicist who wants to, kind of, break into hollywood. and there's a tricky, difficult actor who won't come out of his trailer. and they manage to find someone who's kind of mute, and not really quite right, in a mental asylum, who looks just like this actor so, they, sort of, throw him into the movie, pretending that he's this movie star and he's -- he never really gets to say anything it's 'cause everyone else is talking so much. so, he -- he doesn't speak at all in the movie >> jimmy: yeah >> so, it's his, kind of, chaplin thing. don't be put off by that, 'cause it is really funny. and i'm his, kind of, horrific movie star co-star, who then immediately wants to marry him and adopt children and -- >> jimmy: it's -- it's funny it's fantasti

>> jimmy: oh >> steve: yeah, come on! >> jimmy: use that this weekend.t at the dinner, yeah trump wasn't just coming up with nicknames, he also said that he and biden have some unfinished business to settle. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: trump was like, "i know how to finish business. that's why all my businesses are finished." [ laughter and applause and get this, despite trump's best efforts to block it, mike pence testified for over five hours in front of the grand jury investigating january 6th. wow, five hours with mike pence testimony. [ light laughter ] the grand jury was like, "hey, trump did the crime, why are we being punished i don't understand what's happening. [ laughter ] just to keep everyone awake they pumped oxygen into the room like it was caesar's palace. [ laughter ] they go -- some more political news, next month republican senator tim scott is expected to launch his presidential campaign. the only thing is, a lot of people aren't familiar with tim scott or with other senators for that matter, so i thought i'd help you out really quick. ♪

: oh, my gosh. >> steve: jimmy -- >> jimmy: yes!n it. q-bert let's see the answer [ ding ] yes! q-bert [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: oh, my gosh. chris -- >> jimmy: are you kidding me >> steve: next question is for you. >> jimmy: does his head got to go in the pipe >> steve: well, it's got to go in the pipe. and that's not -- trust me, you don't want to get that dumped on your head oh [ laughter and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: his laughter his laughter his laughter is what got him he's a good sport! >> steve: let's do a slow-mo of that oh >> jimmy: chris pratt, everybody! the champion go see "super mario brothers" in theaters this wednesday and imax my thank you to chris pratt. we'll be right back with more "tonight show" everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ reresearch shohows people e rer ads withth a catchy y song. so to helplp you rememembert libeberty mutualal customomizes yourr home i insurance,, here's a l little numberer you'll nenever forge. did you knknow that liliby mutualal custoto— ♪♪ libertyty mutual. ♪

. >> jimmy: exactly.s growing. mountains -- okay. >> jimmy: maybe we should guess too. >> yeah. >> tariq: there doesn't seem to be that much urgency to it [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tariq, i know what that is. >> tariq: cookie monster fried egg. [ dings [ cheers and applause eggs and bacon yeah, yeah >> jimmy: they got it. dude, come on. that first egg was too perfect >> right, yeah >> tariq: that second one sealed the deal. >> that was frying a doughnut. >> jimmy: fried doughnut unbelievable what number? what do you think? [ audience shouts guys, what do you say? i love nine. i love nine. i love nine. phrase >> okay. >> jimmy: narrows it down. all right. we got this. >> yeah, we got this >> jimmy: ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay here we go >> phrase paper bag. paper bag. cat's out of the bag shopping bag easter bunny bunny shopping bunny shop bunny hop. what cat. hearing impaired hearing impaired bag bunny. no bag, bag paper, paper, paper. [ buzzer ] >> can i guess >> tariq: can i -- >> you guess first don't

>> jimmy: what >> beyond.d two, we were in vegas. >> jimmy: yeah >> it was 80, 90 degrees, and you're dressing like you're in scotland [ laughter ] and i literally looked at him, and i told my partner, matthew stafford, i said, "jimmy looks like someone who's dressed -- like he's the invisible man who wants to be seen." [ laughter ] he's got -- he's got so much on, man. [ laughter ] why were you -- it's 90. why do you have a sweater on [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a stylish man right there. >> that was a sweaty man right there. [ laughter ] we had a great time, man we had a great time. >> jimmy: well, you know what it is -- 'cause i packed -- i flew from new york, and i picked a couple of outfits i thought would be cool and fun to wear and then when i get there, i got no other - i didn't bring options >> well, you know they got an app called weather [ laughter ] just look on that sucker and you can put in anywhere in the world, and it tells you what the weather's going to be. >> jimmy: no one tells a champ ho

] >> jimmy: boo. >> poo [ laughter ] >> jimmy: boo!> jimmy: talking to a dahlia. [ laughter ] >> you didn't even let me finish wait >> jimmy: yep. >> wait. >> jimmy: yep. >> dunkin' coolatta. >> jimmy: talking elana. [ laughter ] >> dunkin' - >> jimmy: talking -- >> coolatta. >> jimmy: quilatta >> close, close. >> jimmy: oh, coolatta dunkin' coolatta >> bam [ dinging [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: you know my dunkin' coolatta dude, dunkin' coolatta is my jam! come on. i knew dunkin' coolatta. it looked like talking talking. >> i could play this game for hours. >> jimmy: yeah, let's do it. let's do it, let's do it all right, bud let me know if it's working. yep. okay hm weed whacker [ laughter ] >> weed whacker. >> jimmy: yes! wait, what [ dinging [ cheers and applause >> that was too easy that was too easy. >> jimmy: how? >> i didn't even -- yeah, that was too easy >> jimmy: how did you get weed whacker? >> that was too easy >> jimmy: it was >> 'cause it looked like weed whacker. >> jimmy: all right. all right. that's what i'm talking

. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, we are not doing that. >> jimmy: tell me about this roast. now, this is on only fan. people think -- >> whitney: i, too, was a judgemental dork, too. my only problem with sex workers is they want us to call us that. what are you doing? [laughter] >> whitney: how dare you? what does it make me? well, i am a sex volunteer. [laughter] >> whitney: i will call you whatever you want but your term cannot make me seem like i am bad at business. now, we have a problem. >> jimmy: maybe enthusiasts. >> whitney: it is been fun about -- >> jimmy: well, you are on this >> whitney: only fans have a tv side now. it is hard to do comedy anywhere. there is a lot of censorships and youtube. you will get taken out of algorithm, you will get be taken out. i have 5,000 comments trying to figure out my age which is distracting. [laughter] >> whitney: come for the comedy and stay for the misspelled comments about my face. [laughter] tiktok is now kicking people off for roast jokes or jokes that's bully

and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome! thank you!so glad you are here watching, thank you for joining us. see what we've got going on he here. today is a very holy day, it is a high holy day for cannabis lovers here and around the world, it's 4/20 today, also known as whatever you call it, this is the holiday where parents leave milk and cookies out for themselves. i smelled -- haven't smelled so much weed out on hollywood boulevard since yesterday. every day is 4/20 here. the origin goes back to a group of high school students up in marin county who called themselves the waldos, they would meet at a statue near their school in the early '70s to smoke joints at 4:20:00 p.m. they were supposed to meet at 3:20, but you know how that goes. and somehow this got around and now -- some people think for 20 is bob marley's birthday. it's not. it is his sons birthday. bob marley had a lot of sons so the odds on that were really actually good. it has been interesting over the last 20 years to watch the media, specifically the news media go fro

michelle - oh, my god >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy!>> jimmy: press the button >> we practice our faith in the smallest of ways with it, we are saying, "i can. we are saying, "i care." >> jimmy: simon says, "touch your head. [ light laughter ] simon says, "scream. [ scream ] >> louder. [ scream ] [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: simon didn't say that last one >> but michelle obama did. [ laughter ] >> you lose. but maybe you didn't lose. [ scream ] >> oh, my god! [ laughter ] oh, my god wow! >> because my mother had faith in me, i had faith in me too >> jimmy: mother's day is coming up. what are you getting your mother you can pick up a few books right now. >> please buy my book. pretty please. with sugar on top. >> jimmy: please grab a book and -- >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: it's michelle obama. [ cheers and applause >> buy my book tools evolve over time and speaking of time, it's time to dance show us your best moves. [ beat boxing drop it low. to the floor down lower go, go, go >> jimmy: now pose for a a picture. three, two - >> go, go -- >

>> jimmy: do you know what it is called? >> freddie: >> jimmy: that's exactly right!what's this? >> freddie: that's the bone scraper. >> jimmy: close enough. finally, let me get one more. oh, do you know what this is? do you know what it is for? >> freddie: i don't know -- it seems like something you do your own time. [laughter] >> jimmy: yeah -- you are not wrong. >> freddie: is it to share? [laughter] >> jimmy: no, it is not for sexual -- it is not sexual. no, it is not really -- >> freddie: i am still newly married. >> jimmy: this is cal called -- where doctor can assign a numerical size to the human testicles. the doctor would squeeze over here to figure out if you are a 15 or 20 or my god, even a 20. please give these to your wife. [laugh [laughter] >> freddie: that's fantastic. i will return with some news next time. [laughter] >> jimmy: i feel like what we have learned is that television is pretend, right? "the good doctor," he's not really a doctor, if you are in need of medical call freddie highmore. thank you! we'll be back with amanda peet. [applause] tj ma

>> okay. >> jimmy: oh, my god >> ready, ya >> jimmy: ready. how do i go? [ cheers and applause >> ya. >> jimmy: that is "the floor is fluva! "the floor is fluva! i'm going to go for the side table. oh, my - >> are you okay? >> what is going on down here? [ cheers and applause you guys doing some parkour? hey, check it out, i got some moves of my own. 365 degrees, 24/7. >> jimmy: ew that's my stepdad, gary. get outta here, gary >> you girls are making some tic tacs have you seen that new ai? hash brown like! chatblt! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew >> anyway, if you like cinnamon buns, hun, your mother and i are upstairs making some gluten free pastries. and this just in, i have a a sensitivity. ♪ if you want a sweet treat that's safe to eat you got t make sure that i doesn't have any wheat ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ take a big bite and munch munch munch pastries for breakfast dinner and snacktime ♪ ♪ munch amunchy munchy munc a munch munch munch munc a munchity munch ♪ ♪ you spell munch backwards it still spells munch ♪ you want to -- >> jimmy: ew, get

>> jimmy: look at how fun. >> it's me >> jimmy: you've gotta have fun. >> it's me >> jimmy: come on,e ran around to the whole cast, and she gave this little ball to us, that's like a little rock, so that no one would leave empty handed >> jimmy: come on! >> i know. [ audience aws ] we love it >> jimmy: that's -- come on. that's the awesome jamie lee but you did -- no one left empty handed >> no, no. in fact, a s.a.g. award is very heavy. >> jimmy: yeah you guys crushed it. that was great how does it feel how does all these accolades feel >> you know, this movie is so special to me. we filmed in 2020. i knew then that it was the most special experience i've ever had creatively in my life i knew then that it was amazing, and then, you know, we put it on hold for two years and then premiered at south by southwest. and then that was amazing to finally get to share it. the reception was amazing. so, it's just been, like, stacks on stacks on stacks of just incredible, incredible journey. >> jimmy: and now you're nominated for an academy award >> oscar [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: an osc

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah wow. >> "it sounds like you're shouting." >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy"your parents go to and do what? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah >> they -- when i was little, i -- literally, like, from the age of eight, i'd be there sitting in the auditorium in theaters and just, like, soaking it all up. and i genuinely thought that all people's parents worked in the theater. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> because i had, like, no frame of reference really. you know >> jimmy: you just lived, grew up in the theater. and that was it. >> yes, and be, like, around in the dressing rooms and sang "hello" to, like, the attendants in the toilet they would be like, "oh, hi, hannah." >> jimmy: no way >> yeah, just wandering about. >> jimmy: so, you really lived in there >> because it was that era where you just could, so you did. you know like going up to the dressing room and -- yeah, just beautiful times. >> jimmy: so, are you kind of -- i mean, there's two things that i want to talk to you about -- or three things but you're hosting the olivier awards, which is the biggest

>> jimmy: pleasure >> i'm dave. >> jimmy: jimmy.epper -- now, what kind of dog is pepper? >> she's an australian cattle dog. >> jimmy: an australian cattle dog. she's very excited >> she's fired up for the show >> jimmy: you're holding two sports things. so i don't know what sport she plays. >> it's kind of a wiffle hockey baseball >> jimmy: wiffle hockey baseball >> yes >> jimmy: that's what she -- that's what pepper enjoys. >> that's what she's into. >> jimmy: yeah and how does this work >> she holds a bat i hit the ball to her with a a hockey stick, and she hits it [ light laughter ] hopefully, hopefully >> jimmy: what do you mean, hopefully? it's going to work this will be great all right, what can i do to help anything just get out of the way? >> duck. >> jimmy: okay, yeah [ laughter ] good man, good man all right, cool. perfect. you want to just give her the bat and go for it? >> here we go. ready? all right. ♪ get in your spot, right here stay there stay got to trash talk sometimes. >> jimmy: yeah >> you can't hit you're a do

jimmy: we got this?i don't know what i'm feeling right now. [ laughter ] uh - [ laughter ] uh, i don't know uhh -- [ buzzer ] oh, wow. >> wait, i'm not done. >> jimmy: oh, well, i think one of us is [ laughter ] do it one more time. yes, okay. i think there's a heart on there. [ laughter ] i don't know what it is. i'm going to say a clock a clock. what -- was i remotely close i got lost >> oh. >> well, that doesn't look like a clock. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it does at my house. was i remotely close i got lost >> jimmy: oh, it's a butterfly oh, a much nicer thing oh, i'm sorry. [ sad tuba ] i should have gotten that. [ applause ] >> you're covering your -- >> jimmy: mine was terrible. [ air horn ] [ air horn ] ooh, byew byew byew. you know what that sound means, it means it's time for the final round. >> okay. >> jimmy: okay, we're going to shake things up here quest, you want to give me a a hand over here >> questlove: yes. >> jimmy: now -- [ cheers and applause for this round, we're playing triple backti

] >> jimmy: i thought you were going like, "jimmy -- is that jimmy's cologne?rry about that >> that's okay, i love you for it >> jimmy: all right, here we go all right, let's bring in -- this is my turn again. yeah, yeah i do not like this game, by the way. i just know it gets -- >> i'm so sorry. >> jimmy: let's go all right. [ audience oohs [ laughter ] just lie to me just say that there's nothing in here. [ laughter ] [ audience reacts [ dramatic music ] oh, i touched my own finger. i got nervous. [ laughter ] [ dramatic music ] >> you should know this, right [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i should know this >> you should. i mean, maybe you don't. >> jimmy: it's - >> but i think you do. >> jimmy: i -- it's -- it's, like, wet. i have no idea what this is. [ buzzer ] >> oh. >> jimmy: it's -- do i pick it up >> yeah, don't be afraid just grab it >> jimmy: don't be afraid? >> just grab it. >> jimmy: is it like a diaper or something [ cheers and applause [ bell dinging ] ♪ >> but nothing really wet on it >> jimmy: yeah, nothing really big deal i wear them every nigh

: yeah >> wait 'til i -- wait - >> jimmy: why did you think -- >> jimmy, i'm not done >> jimmy: sorryslice of pizza i knew questlove would think about katz's deli and that's why, everyone, i got jimmy this gift of this painting of you and questlove eating pizza outside of katz's deli because we're all connected. dreams come true and you just got foodie magished [ cheers and applause ♪ thank you! >> jimmy: i got foodie magished >> you got foodie magished >> jimmy: i got foodie magished that's my man, josh beckerman. [ cheers and applause the foodie magician. more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. wow! [ cheers and applause ♪ gigive your smsmall business o one tech sosolutin that c checks all the boboxes. it''s all hehere with ththe comcmcast busineness complee connnnectivity s solution. peace ofof mind withth cybeberthreat sesecurity. ththe power ofof the largeg, fastest rereliable netetwor. plusus, save up p to 75% a yr with comcacast businesess mob. the cocomplete connectivivity solutioion. frfrom the comompany popowered by t the next genereration 10g netwtwork

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. very nice. thank you.'m jimmy i'm the host of the show i thank you for joining us here, the monday after easter sunday, i hope you found a lot of eggs yesterday. i forgot to count the eggs before i hid them around the house which is a mistake. it's bad because i don't know if you notice that rotten eggs smell like rotten eggs they're terrible. at the white house this morning the bidens hosted the annual egg roll. why they do this the day after easter i don't know. jesus is like i have to rise again again. but the theme of the white house egg roll, they have a theme every year, this year's was eggucation the same as last year. i guess it was so good they did it twice. not the first time they did it twice. when trump was president it was egomain i can't go four years in a role. the president and first lady even seemed to be having fun enjoyed a beautiful day in washington with the bunny right next to them and then it was time to roll the eggs. joe turns out can blow a whistle, and then the games began and ar

>> jimmy: i remember that.alking over each other ♪ take me to the plac i love take me all the way ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love when you come on, man. it's always fun. >> that's so sweet [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: let's talk about "schmigadoon." >> yes yes. >> jimmy: "schmigadoon," season two. >> thank you [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: you and cecily strong, you are now found in a place called schmicago. >> yes, we left schigadoon and now in schmicago and schmicago is a much different place than schmigadoon. it is a darker, edgier, seedier, grittier place. and what we've done is all of the musicals from the 40s and 50s, that golden age of hollywood, and golden ago hollywood musicals, was the first season this season is the 60s and 70s musicals so stuff like "sweet charity," and "jesus christ superstar," "hair," and "sweeney todd. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i'm talking about, bud >> so it's going to be these darker musicals. >> jimmy: it's a great show. i want to show a clip. here is keegan-michael key

french name. >> jimmy: oh, loic >> yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, loic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: fromyeah. >> jimmy: -- thank you so much for being here here you go, you're gonna hold that, i'll give you the question here. ready, loic? what agency monitors the activities of all americans? >> wow [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what agency monitors the activities of all americans? ♪ >> the government, yeah? [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: "government? [ buzzer ] ah, tiktok thank you so much. [ laughter and applause appreciate it. thank you for being here we have time for one more. we have -- her, right there, come on. nice to see you. >> hi! >> jimmy: what is your name, and where are you from >> victoria -- from california >> jimmy: yeah, victoria from california [ cheers and applause all right. the question is, what profession allows you to drink on the job >> a barkeeper [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: we were looking for "spirit airlines pilot." [ laughter and applause sorry, thank you so much for being here unfortunately, no one took home the prize tonight. we'll try again next week on "tonigh

>> jimmy: i knew it! for releasing a new yellow iphone and basically saying, "look, there's only so many cameras we can slap on the back of this thing. i don't know it's yellow. [ laughter and applause ♪ thank you, au jus, for sounding like a really fancy sneeze [ laughter and applause au jus [ laughter ] >> steve: gesundheit >> jimmy: oui oui. could you oui oui when you had your - >> steve: no >> jimmy: no, you couldn't [ laughter ] >> steve: non, non >> jimmy: that's probably why it's painful >> steve: well, it was weird because it was european, so -- [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, korn and toys r us, for keeping the backward r industry alive. [ laughter and applause respect. ♪ thank you, light blinking on my wifi router, for either meaning it's completely broken or working perfectly. [ laughter and applause that's a good thing. ♪ thank you, entenmann's for bringing back the see-through window on your boxes or as donuts call you, "the red light district." [ laughter and applause >> steve: don

got the meat >> jimmy: arby's >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: roast beefs.hese i could do this all night long [ laughter ] all right, this one is from @zayum -- oh, sorry. no, sorry. @zaymun. >> steve: oh >> jimmy: sorry. i thought it was "zayum! >> steve: "zayum!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "zayum zayum, zayum, zayum. >> steve: "zayum daniels." >> jimmy: zaymun he says, "chinese food containers unfold into plates. >> steve: oh, yeah [ applause ] uh-oh. ♪ >> jimmy: right? so, this is the chinese -- this -- you get it like this >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: i did not -- i don't believe this i still kind of -- ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> steve: whoa ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, mind, mind, mind, mind blown >> jimmy: that's cool. >> steve: the snowflake plate. >> jimmy: that's crazy i don't know if i would do it. >> steve: right, but you can [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if i could, i'd probably just eat out of, like -- it's much easier to eat it still folded. >> steve: sure, you can do that >> jimmy: i guess it's more civilized like - >> steve: yeah, that's classy. >> jimmy

>> jimmy: ping! it is for me to grow a mustache. this is my senior yearbook photo. and it's - [ cheers and laughter can you see it can you zoom in? [ cheers and applause that's a real -- >> that's that age -- that's that age where - that -- that takes months. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was commitment. >> you're like - [ straining >> jimmy: yeah, and if the wind blows, it just kinda blows in the wind [ laughter ] it's a very wispy free mustache i wanted to -- >> i just grew this over night >> jimmy: no, that's a a fantastic one. that is a solid -- i want to ask you about this, 'cause the internet is all abuzz. you just wrapped "star wars: skeleton crew. >> yes >> jimmy: and there's a lot of buzz going around it and not a lot -- ton of information about what it's about. and this is all i know so far -- "jude law is in 'star wars: skeleton crew. an unnamed jedi assisting four children on an adventure." [ light laughter ] that's vague >> that's -- that's one perspective. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> i

and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody.nk you for joining us on what has been an exciting week mathematicians all over the world. have you heard about this? guillermo, do you know about this? i had a feeling you were not going to know about this. researchers have discovered a new shape. a new 13-sided shape. they call it the hat because, well, let's put that on my head because it looks like, well, no hat you have ever seen, really. it looks more like an upside down t-shirt. but i guess it is a big deal. they say it is the holy grail of tiles because it can do something that is, i don't know, something. here it is interlocking with other hats. to me, this looks like another covid variant. they say if you stare at it, look at it long enough and then you blink your eyes, you can see the image of a mathematician going to prom with his aunt. [laughter] the rest of us can understand. apple yesterday unveiled a new function called pay later. you get a loan from apple that you can use to buy apple products and then you pay it later

>> jimmy: good luck getting that home. >> thanks, jimmy! >> jimmy: and joy!will be stolen before you get to the end of the block. all right, who is out there come a little? would you have for a couple of siblings? >> some of my favorites. >> jimmy: look at these two. holy moly! wow, if you are siblings, your parents must be devastating. >> oh, they are. >> jimmy: where you from? >> i'm from california. >> jimmy: you? >> los angeles, california. >> jimmy: hold the microphone a little closer, the mustache is muffling your there. all right. would you do for work, corey? >> and manage hotels. >> jimmy: and you? >> i'm a server at a steak house. >> jimmy: okay. how long have you been doing that? >> i've been a server for over 15 years at about six months now. appeared >> jimmy: what happens when somebody doesn't feel their steak is cooked enough or overcooked? >> they are going to take it out on me and then i have to go fix it. of >> jimmy: the kitchen says what? >> most of the time they are pretty upset and they think it's my fault. hi, how are you doing? >> jimm

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: that is very nice. thank you. everyone. i am the host of the show. thank you for joining us on -- look at this. [cheers and applause] now it is getting embarrassing. i'm glad you are in a good move. president biden has officially declared that the covid national emergency can be over. now, he didn't do it year after the rest of us did. [laughter] i learned a lot during the pandemic. i learned that people who are most resistant to the government telling them what to do also happen to be the people who most need the government to tell them what to do. [laughter] a vinicky are the same people who are most supportive of the government telling other people what to do. but it was not all bad. there were some positives. people help each other. we found out who in our communities care about others and maybe most importantly, we have enough toilet paper to last the rest of our lives. [cheers and applause] the end of the covid area is surprisingly kind of bittersweet. this morning, i did something -- i wiped down my groceri

just one show. >> jimmy: that counts. november 24th? >> yes >> jimmy: break a leg., ryan hamilton, once again [ cheers and applause and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ chcheers and a applause

and now,jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you for coming! the host of the show thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in los angeles. i don't know if you saw this yesterday we had an unexpected visit from a tornado. a real -- the strongest tornado we've had in 40 years here hit montebello 110-mile-an-hour winds. chihuahuas were flying all over town. this previous got absolutely -- why are tornado so dirty? we have filthy tornadoes now. and that's after it rained for three weeks, but the last twister of any magnitude to hit los angeles was in 1996. fortunately, bill paxton and helen hunt were around back then. this one, our meteorologists they didn't know how to describe it, they were like, it's a big out-of-control soulcycle class in the sky. the sweet 16 round of the ncaa men's basketball tournament is underway right now. earlier tonight ucla bruins squared off against the bulldogs of gonzaga, which i have pointed out numerous times is not a place. this is a scene on the gonzaga alumni bus today. they said it was their best t

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you!come to the show, thanks for watching! hour after draft party! you know the first round if you follow football the first round of the nfl draft age here on abc and a special welcome to those who watch. if you keep you interested in our show, every 20 minutes i'm going to announce a name at the college and then i will hand someone i had. it will be fun. at the draft and it's fun to see the young men will be cursing at every sunday. the first nfl draft was held in philadelphia in 1936, a scrappy young halfback named joey biden went in the fifth round of the scranton malarkey's and now he's in the white house. well everywhere i guess, it was take your kid to workday. the president was on hand for a celebration escorted by a tiny secret service detail. these are children of white house employees and members of the press. they were there appear to trump was a big proponent of taking kids to work day, so much so he put jared in charge of that piece in the middle east. but grandpa joe has a d

on jimmy kimmel, bill hader. ama: have a great night. >> lou: from hollywood, it is "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, bill hader, jane goodall, and music from metallica. with cleto and the cletones! and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: on jimi. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and coming and visit here at our home in los angeles, california, where the lakers and the clippers are in the nba playoffs. and guillermo and i were watching the chicago bulls. i dunno if you watch this game. there was a win for the polls. the polls are down 19 points until and i want you to listen closely here as a young friend, every time the raptors shot a free throw, she screamed at the top of her lungs. listen. >> is going to go against -- a chance to put it up to the 20-point advantage. [screaming] that is the daughter of the mark derosa and. and here is the voice you are hearing. she is screaming. [screaming] >> jimmy: it did work a lot of the time. [applause] she might be one of the banshees of ed

speak out jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank thank you.name is jimmy, i am the host of the show, thank you for joining us here, please, that was embarrassing, thank you thank you, for me, it is a fun start to the weekend when i'm in the car with five 6-year-olds on the way home from a long birthday party did at universal studios, suddenly everybody starts texting, "did you see what trump said about you" all at once. the kids start asking, what did he say about you come up with the former president of united states said about me and stephen colbert and all the late-night hosts, i guess, is this, these losers are dying, they are bad for our country, which is in serious decline, nobody wants to watch this negativity anymore, nothing funny about them, highly overpaid, easily replaceable fools. and yet, unlike you, we still have our jobs, so... [cheers and applause] listen to blutin, of his mind, it is getting up, he was on this podcast -- it is called full of sand, these young guys who goof around, less guests before -- last guest before trump

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi, how are you? thank you very much. [cheers and applause] i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you very much. they are clapping and everything. happy friday. it is 3/14. i think that was the first date-based holiday. now we have fo weed, may 4th is "star wars" d day. 8/17 is jeffrey dahmer day. do you get it? >> guillermo: i do. >> jimmy: explain it to us. >> guillermo: i'm not sure. [laughter] i know about taco tuesday. >> jimmy: jeffrey dahmer, 8 8/17 -- jeffrey dahmer ate acquaintances, are you got ike's mind a customer came tuesdays out of them. [rim shot] there is a -- pizza has asked the white house to stop using eggs in their annual easter egg roll, which -- is it possible that pizza is a pot -- -- is it possible that peta is a false flag operation to make liberals look ridiculous? a big pile of rocks outside of the white house. just in case there's another interruption or something, cases someone -- another

>> jimmy: [laughs] >> he's a lovely guy. >> jimmy: yes.d bad experiences with some of these people. >> i have buried >> jimmy: you said it, i'm just recapping. >> that was me, wasn't it? >> jimmy: yeah, that was you. [laughter] >> and get the work they do is so fine, so sensational that you forgive it again and again and again, maybe they need to be unpleasant, unattractive, unappealing, insulting in order to get the work out because they are all different. >> jimmy: do you have your own rat pack, a gang of famous people that you hang around with and rub elbows with and get hammered -- >> sure. do you want to know a few names? >> jimmy: yeah, who are a few? >> rex one , >> jimmy: the starship gang. >> you recognized. >> jimmy: i recognize their names. >> infect, just for a serious moment, if we can manage it. >> jimmy: well, we will try. i'm still thinking but your hairstylist, but go ahead. [laughter] i mean, really, that's got to -- how much do you pay -- you pay this person? >> i was wearing it t >> jimmy: okay. >> i mean, i am a hairdr

and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone! welcome! i'm jimmy, welcome to the show, thank you for watching and joining us! a day, a night that many of us thought would never come. we were skeptical, but let me give you insight on how our jobs work at the show. less than two hours ago, i'm up in my office working on the monologue, typing about opening day for baseball and they joke about the people at cracker jack spent the whole winter in the dark sharing a can of bumblebee tuna and a thing about a new nasal spray that will give you an in 5 minutes. or the next one is free. and guess what we had to throw it all in the garbage, it is all moved to because d.j. and donald j. trump stands for jail. [cheers and applause] the manhattan grand jury which wasn't even supposed to vote today come about it today and according to "the new york times" and many sources, donald trump has been indicted for the first time in the history of this country andn indicted for his role in paying hush money to a porn although that's a very narro window, porn st

. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hey girl, jimmy failla in the house because greg is off. can't really blame him it's kind of a slow news day, right? some people have asked me offline but i'm actually not sure what the king of late night is up to but we do know he's not riding roller coasters at six flags because they have a height requirement. i love you greg, don't ban me from the show. as for our country, where the hell are we? after indicting a president for the first time in our 246 year history, that's right america's 246, same age as dianne feinstein. like a lot of you, i watched trump fly home today after getting indicted and i have to be honest i found the whole thing disturbing but i will admit after two years of biden it was refreshing to see the president make it up the airplane steps in one try. now the good news for the country is they didn't handcuff trump so we were spared the banana republic image of a president handcuffs. alvin bragg was in a really tough spot on that one after all he if he handcuffs a president next thing you know he'd have to start hand

jimmy kimmel is next. >> previously on "jimmy kimmel live." >> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, luke bryan, jimmy kimmel. [applause] >> jimmy: i appreciate it. it is tax day today, or as donald trump and amazon would call it, april fools' day. did you know tax day is the number one day american couples have, even before valentine's day. tonight i am claiming you all as dependents. children are our future and on tax day, each treasurer is worth a tax credit of $2,000. we pay tribute to our write-offs and ask a question we ask every april, are they worth it? ♪ ♪ >> whose idea was this. ♪ ♪ [applause] >> jimmy: southw had another snafu today. hundreds of flights were grounded due to equipment issues. you've experienced that? they spent so much time on the ground they are basically a railroad. the company said we apologize for any inconvenience but that is what you get for flying southwest. spirit tweeted ha ha ha. no company had a worse day than fox news. the defamation trial that was supposed to get going today ended when fox settled for $787.5 million. it will take a l

jimmy: oh, no you didn't. teixeira posted documents on a t chat room platform called discord, highly sensitive stuff. military operations and spy missions there is talk of charging him with fre treason and putting him in front of a firing squad. his gamer pals leaping to his defense. >> any claims he is a russian operative is false here, is not interested in helping any foreign agencies with their attack on the u.s. or other countries. he was a your young charismatic man, loved nature, god and shooting guns and racing cars. jimmy: itc everyone in washington is pointing fingers at everyone else, but right now who has the most egg on their face? that is expensive. it's not cheap these days, break it down with party panel. senior policy analyst inez stepman and writer charles mcvie is back. the crowd goes wild. landau, a 20-year-old kid with access to highly sensitive information. is he not the bad guy but the people who gave him this access in a we weird way. >> i agree, when i was 21, i could not get approved f

[laughter] [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: jimmy so silly. elon musk a manuela wear of ai's capabilities sat down with a mysterious man who doesn't age known as tucker carlson to discuss his own upcoming version of ai technology. >> a thing called proof gbt or a maximum truth seeking ai that tries to understand the nature of the universe. and i think this might be the best path to safety in the sense that an ai that cares about understanding the universe is unlikely to annihilate humans because we are an interesting part of the universe. >> jimmy: so elon is having his jurassic park moment. saying hey maybe we should stott breeding blood thirsty dinosaurs. hell, i'd be happy if we just stopped electing them [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: joey d i go to you first, what concerns you more elon is struggling to figure out ai or congress is trying to figure out why their vcr is flashing 12:00. >> joe: what made me nervous is ai won't kill humans because he thinks we're interesting so if ai discovers npr we're doomed. >> jimmy: i love this. >> joe

and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you! your host for the show, thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in the good old united states of america, exciting news, maybe we should have a drum roll for th this. according to the cdc, cases of sexually transmitted disease are on the rise! america is back and so is our chlamydia, everybody! for some reason they have changed the term std to sti, did you know this? which is very bad news for the students at the systems technology institute but stis went way down at the start of the covid pandemic but they are now headed back up the charts with a what. covid was like our work is done here, you take over from here. speaking of sexually transmitted diseases, donald trump, founding father -- [laughter and cheering] he sat for a 45 minute blab-fest with tucker carlson last night on fox news. quite a chat. he covered everything from world war iii, which he seems to be rooting for, to wanting to take the president of china to a broadway show, and also as he often does, manage

now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for rocking up and joining us here on the monday after easter sending. i hope you found a lot of eggs yesterday. i forgot to count the eggs before i head them around the house which is a mistake. there is a rotten eggs smell like rotten eggs. they are terrible. at the white house this morning, the bidens hosted the annual growth. why they do this the day after easter, i don't know. was like, i have to rise again again? the theme f the white house egg roll this year, they have a theme every year, this year's theme was eggucation it's the same as last year. i get it was so good they decided to do it twice. this isn't the first time they repeated themes. when trump was president, the team as egglomaniac for careers in a row. everyone has one. the president and first lady enjoyed a beautiful day in washington with the bunny right next to them and then it was time to roll the eggs. jaw turns out it can whistle. the games began, and aren't they adorable? children are so cute when

jimmy: talk me down. >> a car with no carfax.eas in ireland are hunter biden, some democrats just send him to epcot and tell him he is there. >> why is hunter biden there? he should not be near air force one, 2, 3 or 6. >> not even the movie. >> not at naval observatory visiting. he should be somewhere else, hang out in delaware to never be seen for next couple of years, i think thisthis is o outrageous. the brother skips on this but seems somewhat normal, they have been cutting deals in world getting money into family. big guy has his money somehow. you know, wire transfers i don't know. but the thing about all this, is joe biden's decision making compromised by his brother and his son. that is the fundamental question. and looking at what is happening in the globe, the epa just did under the biden administration, about cars. and knowing that stuff comes from china and pro brer -- brother and son have been in a lot of business with china. >> michael jordan -- thank you so much you are the best. >> thank you. jimmy: coming up, la

i specifically for jimmy carter and say i want to see what you have, jimmy carter. so there was something so there's an orientation program which i've never forgotten because there weren't many people research at the end. and so they pulled out their top gun. well, second top gun, i guess martindale's the interview because they teach you how to presidential library. so martin was explaining to me. he was explaining all different kinds of records, executive subject records, difficult auctions and records and. this just went on for about an hour. and they usually this in ten or 15 minutes. but i was pushed. it went out about an hour and then martin looks at that and and i must have a very blank look on my face. and he said you know, i have no idea what you're going to do when you walk through those doors. and, you know he was remarkably because i had no idea that those but i finished it. you know, i mentioned the name jody powell because i knew he was pretty close to a card. and i said, well, that start by looking at the at the jody pilot fact i did want to tell marti

i thought the battle of we had a lot of input from people jimmy would jimmy consulted a lot of people about who would be best with certain positions and then we would have a nato list and then would narrow it down. i told him what i thought about people out, which i always did with issues and so forth. i always told him he always knew how i felt. sometimes you took my advice and sometimes he made the decision. were you? do you think that your voice was one he tended to listen to. with greater that had greater weight than perhaps some of his other advisors. just because sometimes a spouse. is not going to necessarily have the kind of outside agenda that an employee or an appointee might someday have i don't know whether on some things that i knew about like mental health and women's issues and problems of the elderly and those kinds of things. he always listened to what i had to say, but there were so many issues that i didn't know about he could talk to me. for instance. we were trying to make latin america nuclear free zone so he talked to me all about the whole issue. of i think the