>> jimmy: jimmy, jimmy is about me, yeah that's bizarre by the way.norance >> jimmy: yeah [ applause ] >> think about it. i just went deep i went there i like that sound. [ laughter ] go for it. >> jimmy: i mean, if i don't say xylophone, i'm going to say "madame x. >> oh, god >> jimmy: what else am i going to say >> x-rated >> jimmy: yeah of course, i went to xylophone that's why we -- [ laughter ] >> that's why you get paid the medium bucks >> jimmy: that's why you get paid the big -- the medium bucks. [ laughter ] i'm stealing that's funny all right, go. >> hoe [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: what in the world is going on >> god keeps giving me these provocative letters. >> jimmy: this is unbelievable >> you're doing this on purpose. >> jimmy: i swear i'm not. this is all random look at all these. these are all random letters i'm not doing this on purpose. >> how do we even know you're david blaine. >> jimmy: let's just do the -- let's do the last one. >> well, you didn't say the -- what comes to mind >> jimmy: the one and only, madonna. [ cheers

jimmy, lift yours up vertically. [ tone sounding ] >> jimmy: whoa!nice. that's nice. like "close encounters of the third kind." that's pretty cool. what do you have over here? >> we figured, let's do this a little bit bigger, huh? is that okay? >> jimmy: yeah, let's do it a little bigger. >> all right. come on over here. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm going to have you come here. you're going on hold this. >> jimmy: who, me? >> yes. we're going to have you hold this horizontally. >> jimmy: okay. >> then at one point, you're going to kind of -- you might have to move your hands. >> jimmy: kids, climb in. [ laughter ] >> all right, wesley, you okay with flame throwers? >> yeah. >> all right, excellent. we're going to turn this baby on -- >> jimmy: whoa! >> squeeze that, that's going to get it -- we have a piece of screen in there. go ahead and heat that one up. >> jimmy: okay. trixie, you're not allowed to use a flame thrower till you're 13. >> next time we'll get you in on the flame thrower. back a little bit further. there you go. that's starting to glow nic

>> jimmy: turkey >> oh yeah, turkey leg >> jimmy: peacock! all in the family. >> jimmy: my thanks to kaley cuoco, mike birbiglia. more with kayley after the break. stick around, everybody! old school [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: you're meeting the very cute pete davidson. >> yes meeting him in real life was an interesting situation. i find out that he would like to meet me, but he wanted to meet me in an escape room. [ laughter ] and i'm like, "you know what, pete not everyone has to end up on 'tmz.' can we just, like --" [ laughter ] - the company goes to the firstborn, audrey. the model train set is entrusted to todd. mr. marbles will receive recurring deliveries the model train set is entrusted to todd. - what's it say about the summer house? - yeah, the beach house- - the summer residence goes to mr. marbles. (mr. marbles chuckles) - plot twist! - i'm sorry, what? - doesn't make logistical sense. - unbelievable. - pets aren't just pets. they're more. - you got a train set, todd. - [announcer] save more on what they love and never run

this is all on - >> it's a safe place >> jimmy: yeah >> and we're all safe. >> jimmy: jimmy fallon, "this pay attention. >> guys, it's crazy. >> jimmy: watch -- >> do you guys that? >> jimmy: you see it >> guys -- >> yeah, so here it is in slow motion let's take another look at this >> i slowed this video down, this picture down -- >> jimmy: watch this what is that [ audience ohs ] >> guys, and there is another one that comes from the left mountain to behind the other mountain >> jimmy: we actually -- we took a screen grab of it, so if you can see -- >> guys, there's two >> jimmy: look at that >> there's two that does not look like a bird it's not a phone thing, because you see it clearly go from behind the mountain to, like, close to the camera, to behind another mountain guys, i think that the aliens trusted me - >> jimmy: yes. [ light laughter ] >> -- to capture a ufo moment. >> jimmy: maybe -- >> jimmy: so if anyone's out there listening to camila right now, we're -- we come in peace [ laughter ] >> hey, maybe they trusted me because they're kind of like, "she's kind of hard to ge

jimmy!for retirement is to become a neil diamond impersonator. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> why? >> jimmy: you did a great job, i'm going to be "neil zirconia." [ laughter ] that will be my name. i've trademarked it so nobody can take from it me. >> that's good, yeah. >> jimmy: bobby, your neil diamond was pretty spot on. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: i'm guessing that wasn't your first go-around with "i am, i said." >> how good is that song? >> jimmy: it's great. the lyrics are a combination of fantastic and preposterous. >> it starts out fantastic, right? the story makes perfect sense. then introduces the chair. >> jimmy: he says, i am, i said, to no one there, and no one heard it all, not even the chair. it's one of those songs you have to go back and listen again, did he say chair? >> yeah. then there's the thing about frog -- >> jimmy: the frog and the -- >> yeah, became one. >> on drugs, do you think? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: neil diamond? everybody was on drugs back then, i don't know. >>

yeah, pop the bottle, jimmy. >> jimmy: but, like -- >> pop one, jimmy.up? >> shake it up there you go whoo [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: is everyone okay >> you didn't do it good >> jimmy: yes i did. >> no you didn't let's make a mess. make a mess. >> jimmy: what do you mean >> you have to -- you should have made a mess like this [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: congratulations on the new album. "traumazine" is out now. natalia dyer joins us after the break. stick around, cheers congratulations. dude, you are the greatest come on! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ -b-barista: “enjoy” ♪ -gley: “oh, sorrrry” ♪ -manishaha: “how w are you” -gleley: “goodod!” ♪ mymy a1c was u up here; now, it't's down witith rybels. hihis a1c? -gleley: “goodod!” it's's down withth rybelsuss. my dococtor told m me rybelsu® lowered a1a1c better than a l leading braranded pil and ththat peoplele taking ryrybelsus® lost more e weight. i got toto my a1c gogoal and d lost some e weight too. rybebelsus® isnsn't for peoee wiwith type 1 1 diabetes.. don'n't take rybybelsus® if

>> i was a waiter. >> jimmy: good, good >> waiter. >> jimmy: you have to. >> you have to >> jimmy: yeah. i was pretty, uh - charismatic, i would say >> jimmy: okay, i like that. >> and what i lacked in organization - [ laughter ] -- i made up for in, maybe delivery, i guess i would say. >> jimmy: yeah, and you just got the audition, and -- and you were like - and, were you working when you found out? >> i was so, i auditioned for -- you know, they did the big cattle call or whatever you know how it works. >> jimmy: yeah >> they send out across the country. and, taped it, didn't hear anything moved on three months later, got a call back for some different role for steve. and i was like, "oh, man, the jerky boyfriend. okay, whatever." and sent that in [ light laughter ] yeah >> jimmy: that's hilarious "the jerky boyfriend." >> "the jerky boyfriend. it's what it was it was like, you know, james spader in "pretty in pink," pretty much, or something like that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah >> and so my friend matt williams, um, he would kind of help me tape all my auditions. and we'd just, you know,

] >> jimmy: can -- can i kinda prepare myself >> taste the damn tequila, jimmy. >> jimmy: i know, holde -- >> no, we don't. >> jimmy: like, where are we >> no, we don't. well, right now? >> jimmy: no, i mean, like what would we normally do to have this >> well, i would probably be talking, i would be having a a conversation about what i did last night [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good one. [ cheers and applause wow. wow. >> huh see that >> jimmy: it changed -- look, my voice is different. >> it's different, right >> jimmy: it changed me. >> you want it to have a little bite but it doesn't have a a bite >> jimmy: i did. >> it's very smooth. >> jimmy: smooth >> it's very smooth. >> jimmy: how do you get - i -- i have so many questions. >> how do i get smooth >> jimmy: no, no, no, i know [ laughter ] you've always -- always been smooth >> want me to answer that? >> jimmy: no, no, you've always been smooth. >> how do i get smooth >> jimmy: how do i get smooth. this guy this guy, how do i get smooth? this guy, all of a sudden. but how do you get involved with a tequila company >> i'm a t

>> jimmy: yes!cocordingly. ♪♪ i'm andrea, and this is why i switched to shopify. it gave me so much peace of mind. if we make a change, my site's not going to go down. and just knowing that i have a platform that we can rely on, that is gold to us. start your free trial today. mymy name is jorge gaviviria, and thisis is my business, , masienda.. wewe bring heieirloom corn proroducts fromom mexico to everyry kitchen.. i i chose my s spark cashh plusus card fromom capital oe because e i earn unlnlimited 2% cash baback on e everything g i buy. with no o preset spepending lim, my purchchasing powewer adaps to meet t my businesess need. anand i reinvevest my 2% c cashk to helelp grow ourur business with n new productcts, lilike our tababletop masasa . my spark c card helps s me full my misission of bringing masa to the m masses. what's i in your walallet? [oven diding] we make sisit-down chihic. stand-d-up chickenen. backckyard chickcken.... oooops chickenen. and alall-smiles c chicken. if t there's onen

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah wow. >> "it sounds like you're shouting." >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy, she's -- yeah >> jimmy: "your parents don't sing?" >> yeah, "your parents go to and do what? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah >> they -- when i was little, i -- literally, like, from the age of eight, i'd be there sitting in the auditorium in theaters and just, like, soaking it all up. and i genuinely thought that all people's parents worked in the theater. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> because i had, like, no frame of reference really. you know >> jimmy: you just lived, grew up in the theater. and that was it. >> yes, and be, like, around in the dressing rooms and sang "hello" to, like, the attendants in the toilet they would be like, "oh, hi, hannah." >> jimmy: no way >> yeah, just wandering about. >> jimmy: so, you really lived in there >> because it was that era where you just could, so you did. you know like going up to the dressing room and -- yeah, just beautiful times. >> jimmy: so, are you kind of -- i mean, there's two things that i want to talk to you about -- or three thing

>> jimmy: look at how fun. >> it's me >> jimmy: you've gotta have fun. >> it's me >> jimmy: come on, out, she ran around to the whole cast, and she gave this little ball to us, that's like a little rock, so that no one would leave empty handed >> jimmy: come on! >> i know. [ audience aws ] we love it >> jimmy: that's -- come on. that's the awesome jamie lee but you did -- no one left empty handed >> no, no. in fact, a s.a.g. award is very heavy. >> jimmy: yeah you guys crushed it. that was great how does it feel how does all these accolades feel >> you know, this movie is so special to me. we filmed in 2020. i knew then that it was the most special experience i've ever had creatively in my life i knew then that it was amazing, and then, you know, we put it on hold for two years and then premiered at south by southwest. and then that was amazing to finally get to share it. the reception was amazing. so, it's just been, like, stacks on stacks on stacks of just incredible, incredible journey. >> jimmy: and now you're nominated for an academy award >> oscar [ cheers and applause >> jimmy

>> so cozy >> jimmy: gigi >> jimmy >> jimmy: gigi, your partner stars along side blake as a coach on. that's a real -- [ talking over each other >> is that what we're doing? >> jimmy: it's guys versus girls. yes. here's how -- here's how the game works it's just like regular pictionary blake, you're blocking my camera [ laughter ] god, have you ever done tv before [ laughter ] >> i'm ready >> jimmy: take the guy out of the honky-tonk, but you can't take - >> just tell the rules >> jimmy: all right, it's just like regular pictionary except the clues are much harder to get. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: to give everyone a a fighting chance, each clue displays the first letter of the answer, okay you can tell your partner how many words are in the clue, but that's it. and in honor of tonight's nfl kick-off game, all the clues will be football related >> oh, i love football >> jimmy: yeah, you do, right? >> oh, football people, right? [ talking over each other >> jimmy: blake, why don't you draw first you can draw on that and here we go, bud. i love you >> did you say the rules >> jimmy: yeah,

>> jimmy, i'm going to tell you on your show - >> jimmy: oh - >> it's -- >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.y: there's a guy walking around >> yeah, exactly >> jimmy: i know you're a great actor, but you're also a great writer and director. >> thank you >> jimmy: you've been busy, busy, busy >> i've got to come here more often. this is really boosting my personality. >> jimmy: no, but you just finished writing and i think you're about to direct a movie called "imaginary friends. >> yes, it's called "if," and it's with mr. ryan reynolds -- [ cheers and applause he's an indie guy, and this unbelievable actress named cailey fleming if anybody watches "walking dead," she's on "walking dead," yeah [ cheers and applause and it's official, emily met her, saw her, and was like, "she's the best actress ever." so that's it it's done. it's over. >> jimmy: that's it. that is the best actress >> that's it we got best actress on the planet >> jimmy: but you're reuniting with steve carell. >> yeah. i should have started with this is "the office" reunion movie. [ cheers and applause this is the -- this is "

>> jimmy: no [ laughter ] yeah no >> i mean, blue as the bluest ocean, jimmy what do you want >> jimmyre, and you go, "hi," and you just start going gaga? >> kind of like, um, and kate is very -- you know, she's -- >> jimmy: yeah >> -- beautiful and very, you know, cordial and -- >> jimmy: stunning, yeah >> -- holds herself so well. >> jimmy: regal. >> yeah, regal and with william, i don't know i just - [ laughter ] i blacked out. >> jimmy: i just think -- this photo, i just think -- and then jennifer connelley looks at you, she goes, "that was weird what you just did to him. [ laughter ] >> 'cause she knew, 'cause i was standing next to jen so i was kind of -- i don't know i was kind of riffing on what -- what this interaction was going to be like so i think she was already on alert about -- if she thought i was gonna -- >> jimmy: yeah, all right, what you might do >> go a bit rogue about the whole thing. >> jimmy: everything turned out all right. >> but i think he's just a a lifelong fan now >> jimmy: yeah, now -- now he has to be, yeah. [ light laughter ] he felt the vibe, was the b

>> jimmy: "i knew it!"or releasing a new yellow iphone and basically saying, "look, there's only so many cameras we can slap on the back of this thing. i don't know it's yellow. [ laughter and applause ♪ thank you, au jus, for sounding like a really fancy sneeze [ laughter and applause au jus [ laughter ] >> steve: gesundheit >> jimmy: oui oui. could you oui oui when you had your - >> steve: no >> jimmy: no, you couldn't [ laughter ] >> steve: non, non >> jimmy: that's probably why it's painful >> steve: well, it was weird because it was european, so -- [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, korn and toys r us, for keeping the backward r industry alive. [ laughter and applause respect. ♪ thank you, light blinking on my wifi router, for either meaning it's completely broken or working perfectly. [ laughter and applause that's a good thing. ♪ thank you, entenmann's for bringing back the see-through window on your boxes or as donuts call you, "the red light district." [ laughter and applause ♪ >> steve: don

thank you again for this >> thank you >> jimmy: that is so thoughtful >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy:right back with a a performance from armani white stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪♪ ♪ ♪♪ [typyping] ♪ you werere made to a act sponontaneously.y. we w were made t to help plan accocordingly. ♪♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪♪ whenenever heartrtburn striki, get fastst relief wiwith . ♪♪ its timeme to love f food b. ♪♪tum, tum t tum tum, tums♪ its timeme to love f food b. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ are we close? google assistant: turnrn left in f four miles. ehehhhhhhh no.o. ¿cuáláles son tusus intencions con n mi nieto?? gogoogle assisistant: whwhat are youour intentiois with my grgrandson? lilife's littltle problemsm, fixexed on googlgle pixel. the e only phonene engigineered by y google geget the new w google pixel 7a7a for free.e. ♪ limu emu & doug ♪ what do o we always s say, so? libeberty mutualal customizes yourur car insururance... so youou only payy for whwhat you neeeed. that's m my boy. now you geget out therere, and d you make u us proud, h ? ♪ bye, unclele limu. ♪♪ stay off t the freewayays! only payay f

>> guillermo: not at all, jimmy. yeah, i was -- >> jimmy: tequila works, doesn't it?> guillermo: works all the time. >> jimmy: it was a 4.2 off the coast of malibu. it was coupled with an annual reminder of our impending doom. in washington they have a group of atomic scientists who gather to update what they call the doomsday clock. this is a metaphorical measure of how close we are getting to the end of the human race. i'll tell you what, these guys, one thing they really know how to put on a show. >> we move the clock forward, the closest it has ever been to midnight. it is now -- 90 seconds to midnight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like they died already or something. [ laughter and applause ] the doomsday clock, first of all, it looks like they bought it at party city. [ laughter ] second, if they want to get people's attention, you need to spice this presentation up. like this. >> it is now -- 90 seconds to midnight. >> we're all gonna die! we're doomed, doomed i say, doomed! how are you so calm? 90 seconds! run for your [ bleep ] lives! aah! aah! [ cheers and ap

jimmy?ke, my bodydy's shshaking righght now. cacan i -- canan i, like, , givu a hug?g? is thahat possiblele >> y yeah, sure.e. >> okay. >> y you wanna s stand in ththe? therere you go [ cheeeers ] even betteter, even bebetter [ [ laughter ] ] >>>> well, thank you foror evererything youou've done f for new yoyork [ indiscerernible ♪ [ shutter snaps [ audiencece aws ] >> oh, my y god. >> i was t there for 6 60, dude. it w was nuts. >> he saw 60 >> c crazy, righght? >>>> against t the pirateses, l- it was like, the craziest freakin' moment of my life >> jimmy: let's get a pic too. >> oh, my gosh, yeah, what [ shutter snaps ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to major league baseball and the mlb flagship store, and of course, aaron judge. we love you, bud congrats [ cheers and applause we have a great show samuel l. jackson is here. neal brennan is on the show. [ cheers and applause and we've got music from grammy award-winning and multi-platinum selling nigerian superstar, wizkid. [ che

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. very nice.'m jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for watching, for joining us on a high holiday if ever there was one. it's 4/20. do you know the origin of 4/20? it's kind of interesting. in the '70s in san rafael, california, north of us here, a group of high school boys who called themselves "the waldos" because they would hang out and smoke next to a wall every day at 4:20. did that, somehow it caught on, spread all over. this is what the waldos look like now, gaze upon them. [ laughter ] those are the founding fathers of 4/20, ranging from most to least high. [ applause ] did you know this story, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, i have no idea. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yet you did celebrate today, yes? >> guillermo: yeah, i did. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i did it for you and me. >> jimmy: thank you for doing it for us. how many people invent a holiday for themselves? it's just them, jesus, and a groundhog. [ laughter ] now that cannabis is out in the open

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. thanks. everybody. thanks. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and joining us. please settle in, because -- oh, what a day it was here today in america. the award-winning limited series "the white potus" is back. [ laughter ] if you haven't been keeping up up with the january 6th hearings, here's a quick recap to get you up to speed. >> previously on "january 6th" -- >> president trump followed the course recommended by an apparently inebriated rudy giuliani. >> the mayor was definitely intoxicated. >> what they were proposing i thought was nuts. >> the claims of fraud were bull [ bleep ]. >> there was ketchup dripping down the wall. >> then we went for lunch. we went for tuckers. >> president trump was yelling and aware of the rioters' chants to "hang mike pence." >> it was a different tone than i'd heard him take with the vice president before. >> do you remember what she said her father called him? >> the "b" word. >> the president reached in front of the

and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. hi. i'm jimmy. the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for taking shelter here in. very kind. i have to say, i want to apologize to our visitors from other towns. i hope you had a good weekend. we had some crazy, crazy weather here. when i woke up on sunday, a huge piece of lattice had flown off my roof and onto my car. and that wasn't even the number one weirdest thing that happened. i had like 80 texts sending me an article from "rolling stone" it says "trump white house pressured disney to censor jimmy kimmel." now disney is the company that owns abc, our network. and obviously jimmy kimmel is me. so obviously i was interested in seeing what it was. according to the story, in 2018, donald trump, who was at that time president of the united states was so upset about my jokes that i made about him, he directed his staffers at the white house to call disney to tell them to rein me in. the report says at least two calls were made from the trump white house to "co

. >> jimmy: what is this?guillermo: for you. >> jimmy: oh, i have some breaking news. oh, some sad breaking news. the oldest person in the world, french nun since andre, has died. sister andre was 118 years old. and she will be missed. that's very sad. but congratulations to the world's new oldest person, a winemaker from argentina named manuel paso, 116. he turns 117 next week. >> guillermo: this is for you too, one more. >> jimmy: oh, wow, i'm getting more sad news. argentinian winemaker manuel paso has just died peacefully this his sleep shy of his 117th birthday. he lived and long and meaning of life. he was loved by so many. congratulations to edith cornwall of quebec, 115 years young, full of life. we offer congratulations -- >> guillermo: this is for you too. >> jimmy: wait, what is this? >> guillermo: it's the drawing of a turkey. you know, i forgot to give to it you for thanksgiving. [laughter] >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: thank you very much. maybe after the show would have been

i'm jimmy, i'm the host.hanks for watching and thanks for joining us on a big night, a thursday night, an exciting thursday night. because one of the beatles is here. one of the real beatles. [ cheers and applause ] what is your favorite beatles song? >> guillermo: oh, "yesterday." "i want to hold your hands," too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you like that song or are you telling me what you want to do after the show? >> guillermo: no, i like the song. >> jimmy: okay. things are starting to get slightly more normal-ish on the covid front. the cdc is dialing back their risk advisory for cruise ships. that designation has been reduced from very high to high, as in, you'd have to be high to go on a cruise. [ laughter ] i went on a cruise once and every night at dinner, you have to sit at the same table. we were trapped sitting next to a guy who kept calling the woman he was with his "ladyfriend." [ laughter ] that alone is a reason to play it safe and stay home. but some people might need a cruise right now. a lot of

>> jimmy: yeah >> and i'm like -- >> jimmy: yeah, "no, i'm an adult. >> "go sit down. >> jimmy: yeah,n plug your ears >> i will. >> jimmy: -- if you don't want to hear about yourself but, all right, here's something from "the wrap." it says "this magnificent performance elevates deadwyler into the ranks of the great actors of our time." [ cheers and applause >> it is hot, jimmy. >> jimmy: it is hot, right >> my pits are sweating. >> jimmy: "this is a a career-defining performance that'll likely lead her to become one of the most highly sought after actresses in the business." from "collider." [ cheers and applause >> jimmy, you wrote that >> jimmy: no, that's for real, from "collider." "her performance here is nothing short of magnificent and powerful." that's from "screen rant." [ cheers and applause the last one >> okay, finally >> jimmy: whoopi goldberg was here on the show, sitting there and told me "it is the best thing i've ever seen from an actor. [ cheers and applause and i watched it, and i was blown away and i go, "i have to get to know you." you are unbelievable in this thi

jimmy did not respond. >> jimmy: yeah. >> my dad is very offended. >> jimmy: well, i first of all don'tillermo? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: oh my -- i gave it to your assistant. [ laughter ] >> someone got some nice cigars. >> jimmy: i will say i'm very meticulous, some might say neurotic about thank you notes. i absolutely would have sent him one. >> i'm sure. >> jimmy: and i actually wrote him a note for you to bring home to him. >> he's going to love that so much. >> jimmy: i feel bad. >> but he now will expect you'll be friends. >> jimmy: maybe we will be friends. i don't know. maybe i'll be a defendant in his court. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you got married since the last time i say you. >> i did, i got married in october. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you got married in october. congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we have a photograph here of you and your husband and your dad officiating. now, is that legal? for a father to -- because like when they say, who gives this bride away or whatever. he'd be like, "oh, i mean, it's me in this case." right? >> right. yeah.

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. very kind.elcome, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you, cleto. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us on a night of pompous and circumstance from palm beach, florida. [ laughter ] the final votes for last week's midterm elections are still being counted, but the race for 2024 has already begun. donald trump made a big announcement tonight at mar-a-lago surrounded by dozens of his closest friends and thousands of classified documents. [ laughter ] and here it was, the moment none of us have been waiting for. >> wow, whoa, that is some group of people, thousands. so nice. thank you very much, that's really nice, thank you. ladies and gentlemen, i am officially announcing -- [ cheers ] that eric is potty trained. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: good for him. that is a big announcement. you know, it's not easy to potty train when you're almost 40, it's an accomplishment. [ laughter ] the other big announcement is happening after we tape our sh

>> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, boy, we love tiff. >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: everything wasolutely first class. jimmy john's did the catering. [laughter] there was a ketchup fountain, which i've not seen. [laughter] eric was the ring bearer. don jr. gave the worst man speech. [laughter] everything was perfect! it was sweet too. before the father-daughter dance, donald trump went up to every woman at the wedding and said, "are you tiffany?" [laughter] once he found her, he walked tiffany down the aisle/bouncy castle. [laughter] that's what's known as understated elegance right there. [laughter] then he gave a beautiful toast. i have to admit when he got to the part where he talked about i got emotional, i teared up. [laughter] the best part was, i got to spend time with the whole clan. there we are. such good people. [laughter] salt of the earth. trump you can see was all dolled up. [applause] either his hair is getting whiter or his skin is getting orange-er. i don't know. [laughter] he looks like a creamsicle now. his color balance is off. i got to hang with the juniors, dj

i want to show everyone a clip >> starring sarah. >> jimmy: starring sarah >> sarah >> jimmy: jimmy.here's sarahah michelle e gel "wololf pack." take a looook. >> i i need yourur help, evevert i need youou to help m me figure out whwho's respononsible for r deaths of f several pepeople that incncludes someme of your friendnds who are e on that scsl bus. you're g going to hehear that t popolice suspepect arson that's o only part o of the tru. becaususe it's notot just a suspicicion. i i know for c certain thihis fe was cacaused by ararson. i can tellll you i'm c certain onone other ththings the ararsonist is s a teenagerer might t have been n even be sos you go t to school w with. in fact,t, it's quitite possible thisis teenager r was on thahat with you >> jimmy: come on. that's how you do it [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: sarah michelle gellar! "wolf pack" airs thursdays on paramount plus more "the tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ (man) it was our first time in kyoto. (woman) oh yea it was a whole new thing for us. we stayed in a room i

no, i -- >> jimmy: a mod? >> i was a sweet kid. >> jimmy: you were?dy president. >> jimmy: you would student body president? >> senior class president, yes. >> jimmy: wow. your last name is a lot to put on a sign. [laughter] that must have been a lot of work. >> no, no, it was way easier. i was running against my friend garrett kerr, who is blond hair, blue eyes. i'm dark hair, dark eyes. instead of a big speech about, i'll do this, he'll do this. we both said, "comes down to, you want someone with blond hair and blue eyes? dark hair or dark eyes?" they wanted me so i won. [laughter and applause] i don't know what i did as senior class president. thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: what were your responsibilities as senior class president? >> i have no idea. i don't remember what they were then. i found out later on that that is a title you can never get rid of. 10 years, 20 years later, people will ask you, "are you going to organize the reunion?" >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's right. [laughter] >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are supposed to, yeah. >> i didn't know.

and now, jimmy ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you. hi guys. i'm jimmy, i'm the host.hanks for watching, thank you for joining us here at our wet headquarters in hollywood. you can feel the electricity in the air. you can feel the rain and electricity. somebody's going to get electrocuted tonight because maverick himself, tom cruz is with us. i have to say it's fun when tom cruise is at your office. you don't is he going to drop down from your ceiling vent drive a motorcycle through a cubicle. maybe he's wearing a mask disguised as guillermo right now. is that really you guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, jimy. yes. >> jimmy: we still don't know actually. we know there's a flash flood warning, a water spout warning and a blizzard warning in effect for la county, the first blizzard warning since 1989. the number one song in the country was lost in your eyes by debbie gibson the last time we had a blizzard warning here, and i would like to sing it in its entirety for you now. this is what it was like on the treacherous el capone pass. massive amount of trucks, they looked goo

>> it's the only way >> jimmy: i'm right there. >> jimmy - [ cheers and applause jimmy, i told anothero see if you had christmas heart. [ audience aws ] and i needed to know if you could save my village. and you did it you saved christmas! holiday cigar? [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: wow! thanks, buddy. will ferrell, everybody! more with will after the break come on back oh, my god oh, my god [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: one, two, three, flip come on! [ cheers and applause what's going on? it's's a landslilide it f feels riggeged. all l right. go [ cheeeers and apppplause at nisissan, thingngs are didifferent. they desigign cars that lookok like sworords... (e(engine accecelerates) glgladiators..... ththe future..... ♪ or.... wow. nissssan knows w what ththrill looksks like. because e they desigign it intoto every carar they make. to helelp protect t from h. i prprep withoutut pill. to helelp protect t from h. withth apretude,e, a prescririn memedicine usesed to reducue ththe risk of f hiv withthout daily y prep pil. with o one shot evevery otr month, j just 6 timemes a ye. in s

>> jimmy: yeah, wow.omebody down there likes him, i guess. [ laughter ] now we didn't see the shot of course, so there's about a 98% chance one of his assistants dropped it in there. [ laughter ] and you won't see anyone questioning that on fox news. [ applause ] >> jimmy: if trump's caddie sean spicer says it happened, it happened, dammit. [ laughter ] trump, of course, put out a statement about this, he said, many people are asking, so i'll give to it you now. many people. there's a war, there's a pandemic. will smith slapped little penny in the face. no one was asking about this, but go on. "it is 100% true, i made a hole-in-one." this is great because he lies so much, that on the rare occasion he isn't lying, he's got to oversell it in a very sweaty way, he's the boy who cried golf, ironically. [ laughter ] "it took place at trump international golf club in west palm beach on the 7th hole, which was playing 185 yards into a slight wind. i hit a 5 iron, which sailed magnificently into a rather strong w

it's jimmy kimmel live. tonight anthony mackie, chris destefano and music from gracie abrams with cleto and the cletones. and now , jimmy kimmel. for thank you. thank. it's too much. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for braving the elements to be here. wow you guys must be from out of town because us, you must be from strong places because we saw some weather today. we don't ever see here. we got hit with rain. we got hit with hail. we even got a light dusting of snow in southern california. in hollywood. it even had the audacity to snow on the hollywood sign. and of course, everybody's complaining about how this is a great example of how different la is from other places. the earth itself moves in the middle of the night. we don't even get out of bed. but a little just a little bit of snow. we will not leave the house. we're scared. you okay, guillermo? everything all right at home? it's freaking cold. jimmy. yeah when is the last time you saw snow here? oh wow. long time ago. and. and he's an actual

> yeah. >> jimmy: the answer - >> true. >> jimmy: water -- >> it's wet. >> jimmy: but why would he asks it? >> he wouldn't mess with us. he wouldn't mess with us >> jimmy: is water wet [ audience yelling ] what do you mean no? yes. >> yes it's wet it's wet >> questlove: answer the question, please is water wet >> jimmy: i'm just going to say -- >> true. >> jimmy: yes. >> questlove: well, the answer - >> may surprise you. >> jimmy: may surprise you [ music sting >> questlove: -- may surprise you. [ buzzer ] [ cheers and applause that is incorrect. whatever is filled with water is wet, but water itself is not wet. >> jimmy: aaron judge, everybody. water is not wet we're talking to aaron after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: now and then, i go to the games. and i -- it's just interesting i just figured while you're here, i just -- you never look over at me you never go like -- [ laughter ] >> hold on, jimmy. hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on [ laughter ] i try. but every time i look over, you're taking selfies or eating hot dogs you'rere drinking g a

god. >> jimmy: i'm very happy you're here >> me too. >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: i -- you knowyou >> as a baby >> jimmy: as a baby, i held you like this. >> crazy >> jimmy: and then i met you with your parents -- uma thurman, ethan hawke - >> yeah, those are them. >> jimmy: -- are your parents. yeah, and i -- [ light laughter ] and i held you -- i think it was in rhinebeck, at someone's house, and i was holding you - i think my mother even held you, as well >> wow, see, that's just so crazy. it's like, i feel like most people coming here on the first time, and they get to, like, tell you their life story. but like - >> jimmy: i raised you >> yeah. [ laughter ] you raised me, yeah. >> jimmy: just to watch your career get -- just rise, right now. it's just awesome, congratulations on everything. i'm so proud of you. >> aw, thank you so much >> jimmy: you put the work in, bud. >> thank you so much i mean, i don't know about that >> jimmy: yeah, you did. >> but um, no, i mean, it's -- it's so awesome. i was -- i called my mom to ask for advice today about coming in to talk to you.

and now, jimmy kimmel! [applause] ♪ >> jimmy: hello, welcome.applause] >> jimmy: thank you, i appreciate it. [applause] >> jimmy: i am glad you are excited. thanks for watching, thank you for coming and joining us. we are - oh, we forgot a special guest tonight. former first lady of the united states, michelle obama is here. [applause] >> jimmy: she heard some of you have not been eating your vegetables and she's pissed. this is michelle's fourth time on the show. does it feel nice to pat down by secret service, guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah, >> jimmy: where did you hide your weed? >> guillermo: i left it in the car. >> jimmy: cbs aired the special white house last night and we learned the holiday ornament is for sale. it is $24.95. i find it refreshing to see the white house encouraging people to hang something other than the vice president. that ornament is attributed to pat nixon. here is the former first lady with the first ginger bread house. since the nixons, the tradition continues. nancy reagan's ginger bread house and iced entirely with

>> jimmy: you feeling good >> i feel good about this. >> jimmy: you do >> i think so. >> jimmy: go for jimmy: ooh. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> all right we're off to a good start. >> steve: that one >> jimmy: that one's a little shiny. >> that's shiny. i'm scared of that one >> jimmy: i'm scared of the shiny one. i'm going to pick that one -- that one >> yeah. >> audience: yeah, yeah. >> that looks cooked to me >> jimmy: somebody said, "why not? >> steve: "why not?" [ laughter ] >> why not oh, this is fun. >> jimmy: i don't feel good about this it's not fun is it fun? >> yeah. come on. >> jimmy: are you having fun >> come on ♪ [ cheers and applause yes. >> jimmy: i just squashed it - >> that was amazing. [ applause ] all right. >> jimmy: that was it. >> all right >> steve: 6-4. >> jimmy: that felt like it was going to be raw. whoa, that means - >> whoa. >> jimmy: -- there's a lot of raw guys in there, bud [ laughter ] >> oh, man all right, i'm going to go with this one >> jimmy: ooh, that's -- that's the biggest one. no, i -- i just tried that didn't work for me >> didn't work >> jimmy:

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, how are you doing? welcome.hank you. thank you, i appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming, thank you for watching, thanks for everything, really. i'm glad you're here. it's a special, special night for us. it's a special night for me because david letterman is here. [ cheers and applause ] this is his first time visiting us here in l.a. and i have to say i feel like our regional manager is coming for an inspection. [ laughter ] "straighten up everybody!" [ laughter ] dave is here to tell us about his new documentary on disney plus, "bono & the edge: a sort of homecoming, with dave letterman" and to promote his new faith-based cryptocurrency, davecoin! [ laughter ] which i'm excited about. this is a big deal for me. this is like if don francisco came to the set. >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy, real by, very big, yes. >> jimmy: i hope dave brought his galoshes because the rain is not stopping here. this is from a busy street in santa cruz. >> they just caught a fish. oh, they'

>> jimmy: ow >> jimmy: danimal, don't hurt him. >> steve: danimal. >> jimmy: please, danimal, don't hurt this one here is from @cheytattoos she says, "i'm prego." [ laughter and applause congratulations. >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: congratulations. >> steve: it's not yours >> jimmy: it's in there. [ light laughter ] this one's from @starfleetmom. she says, "dave and ball busters. [ laughter and applause >> steve: oh, my god what >> jimmy: dave and -- you can't submit any of these. >> steve: i can't submit any of these? >> jimmy: no, these are for the -- >> steve: you turned all mine down >> jimmy: this is for the public >> steve: "nut sack cheerios" and "ball busters. judas priest it's a family show >> jimmy: this last one is here from @michael1701. he says, "reese's peanut butter athletic cups. there you have it. those are our "tonight show" hashtags to check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags stick around we're doing something fun, as we always do, with kevin bacon when we come back. you don't want to miss it. stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ >> i said, "just in

>> will: no. >> jimmy: why?lenging. >> jimmy: have you ever dressed as santa claus? >> will: i have. i was, back in my struggling days as an actor, i was a mall santa claus. >> jimmy: you were really? >> will: and my elf was none other than chris catan. >> jimmy: come on. >> will: yeah. we walked around, anybody from pasadena here? old town pasadena has this outdoor mall, we walked around for four straight weekends. we were hired to walk around. we weren't set up in a chair where you take pictures or a slay, we were just mobile santa and his elf and we would be like, hello j crew, ho-ho-ho, merry christmas. how is everyone doing? and they got so sick of us by the fourth week they were like, hi, santa. but we would walk around and we'd take -- we would say hi to people and one time we were talking to these two kids, very little kids, and we looked up, and the dad was kevin costner and he was trying to keep a low profile. and they were climbing on this little sculpture that was like a little coyote wolf thing, the

from hollywood, it's jimmy from hollywood, it's jimmy >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jason momoa, luke grimes, and music from lainey wilson. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. thanks. thank you very much. thank you. welcome. welcome. oh, that's very nice. thank you for coming tonight. guillermo. ah, that's very kind. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. please relax. it's too much already. and to our viewers watching at home, thank you for joining us after the cma awards. tonight is the biggest night in country music. they're saying it could take days, maybe even weeks to figure out who won tonight. votes in some of the major categories are still being tallied. could come down to a runoff between carrie underwood and morgan wallen, so we'll keep an eye on that. yesterday, of course, was a very important day in american history. it was tara reid's 47th birthday. also, it was also -- it was also election day. i feel like everyone is exhausted. this is the firs

jimmy camel. hi jimmy camel. show 'em what you do jimmy camel, will you?hat's why the world loves jimmy camel. come see us live and in person december 17th. hey now we have a good show for you, fortune feimster's here, music with wet leg, we'll be back with magic johnson. ♪ yeah,we love our house, but the cost of home ownership has been a struggle. with utility prices rising and... [ sad violin playing ] sweetie, can you practice that somewhere else? anyway, like i was saying, it's getting harder [ somber music playing ] and harder to make ends meet and... hon, do you mind? well, on the bright side, new customers [ angelic choir singing ] who bundle and save with progressive save over 20 percent on average. sorry, we let them practice here on thursdays! sounding good, friends! could i get the 10 piece chicken mcnuggets? wait no, big mac. hmm. [honk] sir? i'm still here! uhhh. get one favorite like a big mac or 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. ♪ ♪ google pixel with magic eraser get the new google pixel 7a

jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, thank you. hi, everybody. welcome. muchos gracias. very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for all the clapping. thanks for coming. by the way, thank you for joining us on national unfriend day. national unfriend day, or "nud" for short is an occasion that i concocted 11 years ago. it is a day on which i urge americans to purge. to remove those randos on facebook who are not your "friends." [ laughter ] of course, this was before arguments over vaccines and donald trump removed our friends for us. [ laughter ] it was a simpler time. here's a good way to tell if you shouldn't still be facebook friends with someone -- if they are still on facebook, that's it, really. [ laughter ] [ applause ] happy nud. i will say this. your only real friends are your dogs anyway. this is an invention that i'm not sure how to feel about. a professor in glasgow has developed an electronic device that allows

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. hi, everybody. thanks. hi.ery nice. welcome. relax, please. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. you came on a good night. we have a fun show tonight. mr. olympia himself, the former governor of our state, arnold schwarzenegger, is here. [ cheers and applause ] i'm very oiled up underneath my suit. arnold, of course, if you're not familiar, is the host of "celebrity apprentice" who did not plug up the white house toilet. [ laughter ] did you hear about this? i know that sounds like just a crude joke. so you know how trump had a habit of tearing up documents at the white house, official documents? he'd rip them to pieces and throw them away? well, the papyrus has thickened. according to a book written by the highly esteemed maggie haberman of "the new york times," the white house engineer, kind of the plumber, i guess, would frequently be called in to unclog the president's toilet. [ laughter ] because he had a habit of flushing papers down it. for real. [ moans and appl

[laughter] jimmy!> jimmy: awkward. >> greg: i can't get everything. >> jimmy: as a cabdriver. >> greg: you lived off old slices of pizza. this is a direct attack on people like you. i used the word people loosely. >> jimmy: i want to defend john kerry. he can fly commercial because he gets marked because they think it is the horse from mr. and. everybody wants to take a selfie. you wonder what the scan of th this? it will do nothing in terms of the environment. okay, understand the biggest source of pollution in new york city is traffic and the green energy people are causing more of it by eliminating car lanes for by lanes and pedestrian doors and restaurant seating in the right lane of sixth avenue. but not the safest. okay? but they are actually making it worse and it is destroying porn. i was watching today, they arrested the pizza guy. is that cold? [laughter] >> greg: i don't even know what he means. kennedy, again, punishing people who are trying to make a living, that is what new york is just a

tonight, join jimmy and his guests - samuel l.kson, neal brennnnan musical guest, wizkid, and feataturing the e legendary rootots crew >> questlove: 1749 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪

. >> carley: getting votes thing ain't it. >> carley: jimmy, you are perfect. >> jimmy: welcome back,, debt ceiling bill heading to the senate after clearing the house last night. mark wayne mullin is here. >> carley: what is coming up on "fox and friends"? >> brian: you look like that woman that used to work here. don't forget to go to fox shop and we'll have depictions of this moment. coming up in 10 minutes, former vice president mike pence and former new jersey governor chris christie both will be running for president while former president donald trump and ron desantis go to iowa. we know what is happening tonights, trump and sean hannity. and a rising star in this country, senator tim scott. looks like a done debt ceiling deal. the house passes that bill and it heads to the senate. mike lee will be on the show and says the bill does not go far enough. nancy mace not happy, she was a no vote, why she says speaker mccarthy and gop can do better and fbi director offers to let house oversight chair james comer see the file from the whistleblower connecting president biden to a brib

jimmy buckets and playoff jimmy. >> are you unbelievable in the playoffs. i play spades before every game and i'm really good at it. i play domino's a lot. i drink some wine, i talk to my friends and i'm as normal as a human being as you'll probably see around so it just lets me go out there and be like free mind and just play. >> butler's high school coach brad ball saw butler' potential early on. >> i think because of the love of the game he was constantly working to be the best player he could possibly be and i think it was just that drive that really helped him stand out. he a he probably the smartest guy in the room, he figures things out really, really quickly. he figures out how to be the most valuable he can be on the floor, just a terrely high basketball iq. >> because ball says more than anything butler hates to lose. >> winning is most important thing on a team. and i think he embraces his teammates and make them better. they all look like they love playing with him and that's a quality that not all super stars have. >> that drive inspiring new g

los jugadores y eso puede cambiar muchÍsimo. >> esta tarde el cuerpo tÉcnico de jimmy lozano llegÓ aor lo menos lo que debe ocurrir en la gestiÓn es que se llega a la final. >> jugadores como edson Álvarez piden serenidad y calma la selecciÓn mexicana que estÁ cansado de malos resultados. >> si lo querÍan haber sido del principio, despuÉs de los olÍmpicos de tokio creo que era el momento idÓneo para que fuera trabajando con la selecciÓn mayor. pero ahorita creo que acaban quemando una buena opciÓn para el fÚtbol. >> la prueba de fuego de jimmy lozano serÁ en la copa de oro donde mÉxico estÁ obligado a ganar. la decisiÓn de despedir a diego cocca le saldrÁ muy caro la selecciÓn mexicana que le deberÁ pagar entre cinco y 6 millones de dÓlares de indemnizaciÓn. maity: todos muy pendientes del tri. escondo que segÚn un anÁlisis actualmente en estados unidos vivamente 3.2 millones de mujeres migrantes lo cual representa el 14% de la mujeres en el paÍs. las originarias de mÉxico son la mayor parte de esta poblaciÓn cometidos como 1%. es decir unos 5.1 millones de mujeres. seguidas por las