that's a good one. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> go jimmy, go jimmy. oh, come on.y: all right. i can do this. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. just don't, you know -- don't swallow it. [ laughter ] i meant be careful. >> chris: it's "late night." you can say that. >> be careful. >> chris: ah, ha, ha. look at that. >> be careful. >> chris: that's so cute. [ harmonica playing ] >> jimmy: all right, ready? [ twinkle twinkle little star plays ] >> "mr. philadelphia." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: philadelphia? >> chris: please, stop playing. >> jimmy: what do you think i'm -- philadelphia? >> i'm thinking bruce springsteen! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: bruce springsteen? >> chris: well, he played -- [ twinkle, twinkle little star plays ] [ muttering ] [ twinkle, twinkle little star plays ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. that's exactly the song! [ laughter ] what is that song? [ applause ] you are the worst! [ talking over each other ] guess it! guess! [ buzzer ] >> all: "twinkle, twinkle little star!" [ sad tuba ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> come on! >> chris: i

jimmy loves you.t screamer. they're one of the largest north american cats. >> jimmy: how strong is that leash? [ light laughter ] >> pretty strong. i was using it for my grandma's poodle last week, and it worked out fine. >> jimmy: no, see. that's what i'm talking about. >> so we decided to bring it for the cougar. >> jimmy: so wait, nala was here two years ago. >> yeah. she was. >> jimmy: we have a full screen of this. look at this. [ audience aws ] >> now, she's back on the "jimmy fallon" show bigger and cuter. and ready to eat you. now -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no hell, this is two years and, i mean, she's tall. she wants to play with you, right? >> yeah. it's just playing. she's fully clawed. she has all her teeth. i don't declaw. i don't remove teeth. however they're born, that's how they stay. now, yes, this is one of those big cat toys. so, she's going to rip it. she's sharpening her claws for you. >> jimmy: yeah, i know she is. >> she's awesome. >> jimmy: she doesn't remember me. >> beautiful

i don't know. >> jimmy: great to meet you. congratulations -- >> jimmy? jimmy?ing on here? >> jimmy: oh, guillermo. guillermo? you're dressed like an elf now? >> yeah, i'm elf. >> jimmy: guillermo is doing his own costume retrospective of your career and life, jon. >> this is like a cher concert. >> jimmy: the movie's called "cowboys and aliens," it opens friday. adam beach, everybody. olivia wilde and jon favreau. we'll be right back with chris young. ♪ [ female announcer ] sweet honey taste. 80 calories per serving. 40daily value of fiber. i'm here in the downtown area where the crowd is growing. [ female announcer ] watching calories at breakfast never tasted this sweet... i'll go get my bowl. [ female announcer ] ...or this huge. new fiber one 80 calories. yes, you can actually love breakfast. >> jimmy: this is his new album. it's called "neon."" here with the song "you," chris young. ♪ ♪ bluest skies don't seem so blue and the stars seem to be a little dimmer too ♪ ♪ now that you're around you put 'em all to shame let me break it down ♪ ♪ 'cause what i'm tr

jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi, everyone. i'm the host of the show, thanks for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for taking some of what little time we have left alive to be here with us tonight. i'm jimmy. wherever you are, i hope you're not all melty. it's very hot. 27 states issued some form of heat warning today. it's like we're trapped in the "jersey shore" hot tub and can't get out. in chicago today, the heat index was 105 degrees. one little girl in chicago set up a lemonade stand, she made $185,000 today. the heat has been very good for the weather channel, too. this is like their shark week. it's exciting for them. because of the unusually high temperatures, there's something called a heat dome, which is a large area of high pressure that holds hot air under it. in bed, we call it a dutch oven. but the sun is really spf-ing us up. can't we send in the navy s.e.a.l.s to kill it already? it's been beautiful here in southern california. it was sunny an

she's more famous than everyone in this room, combined. >> jimmy: wow. ♪ jimmy >> jimmy: wow.an't tell you who it was but someone famous chewed on it. uh-oh. [ laughter ] you won a chewed pen cap. >> higgins: whoa! ♪ you've won a chewed pen cap. who chewed it? we can't say. but what we can say is you know her work very well. she's one of the most famous people on the planet. want proof? she's more famous than everyone in this room, combined. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy, back to you. we're going to have to split that in half. >> jimmy: we won't have to split that one in half. would you like to turn in your present for one other prize? >> sure. >> jimmy: why don't you take home that snacket. yeah. >> oh. ♪ you've won the snacket, the world's first 100% edible jacket. out on the town and have yourself craving a snack? well, you're wearing this delicious edible jacket by food body. you won't have to look very far. just take a few bites out of your sleeve and keep on trucking. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: start eating your snacket right now. it's really delish. pretty good, right?

>> jimmy: boo!oo! nope! like a happy boo. [ laughter ] >> steve: boo! >> jimmy: boo! "you know how i feel about that one." that's' right. no longer ability to use that e-mail password, "123456." in a related story, millions of morons just changed their password to "234567." [ laughter ] "that's legal, buddy. don't tell me i can't do that one. boo!" [ laughter ] that's right, microsoft informed hotmail users they'll no longer be able to use "123456" as their password. meanwhile, users informed microsoft they haven't used hotmail since 1999, so -- [ laughter ] interesting. [ applause ] people still use hotmail? your prodigy -- your prodigy.net account. >> yeah, it's going -- it's going strong. >> you know, luckily, that right now i know what my password is on hotmail. 'cause i forgot it. [ laughter ] i gotta go home. >> jimmy: get this, you guys. a new survey found that mtv's "jersey shore" is actually not hurting new jersey's reputation at all. [ audience ohs ] which raises an interesting question. h

and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man, that's what i'm talking about. that's the crowd i'm talking about. it makes you feel good. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," you guys. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. we're happy to be back, everybody. i love you too, sir. hey, congratulations to derek jeter for getting his 3,000th hit over the weekend! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, my gosh. and get this. the fan who caught the ball decided to give it back to jeter, even though it was valued at $250,000. [ cheers and applause ] jeter was like, from the bottom of my heart, i just want to say, you are an idiot. [ laughter ] what's wrong with you? what's wrong with you? be set for life." did you see this? over the weekend, anthony weiner and his wife celebrated their first anniversary at a steakhouse in miami. [ laughter ] it would have been nice but weiner spent th

>> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. a guy like me -- justin timberlake ends up having love scenes with people like that all the time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm usually the guy who's wearing, like, spock ears or like a onesie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a onesie. >> it turns out i don't have a sex scene with cameron diaz. >> jimmy: you don't. >> no, she seduces me. basically it goes horribly awry, and then i have a sort of sex scene with a copy machine. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is -- >> so she's not even there when we film this part. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's just you -- >> it's just me naked with a bunch of big surly teamsters around -- >> jimmy: filming a movie. >> -- like looking at me. >> jimmy: and you're like, i swear cameron was in the script. she was in the script when i signed on to do this. >> it's like, go, have a good time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have a good time. >> have a good time. do your naked funny thing that you're going to do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but, here. we have --

i like jimmy.": i'm so sorry that happened, well, we'll see what happens when my six months is over. [ laughter ] >> it'll shatter you. anyway, i was gary. >> jimmy: yeah -- [ laughter ] yeah, you were gary. >> oh, let -- i do want to try something with you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> let's do the voice. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> the gary voice. >> jimmy: let's do the voice, yeah. >> 'cause all i did was the voice. you actually brought him to life. so, say -- >> jimmy: show everyone. see, here's the picture, real quickly. >> there it is, right there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's me and jon hamm. me and jon hamm doing ace and gary. >> so say a plug in the wall has become unplugged. gary would say something like, "hey, hey! let's pull it out and stick it back in!" [ laughter ] something like that. >> jimmy: hey, ace, let's pull it out and stick it back in! [ cheers ] you're much better at it, yeah. >> i'm sort of the michael keaton version of the character to your christian bale. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. yo

>> jimmy: guillermo. >> i have to go do something crazy, jimmy. muy crazcrazy! >> jimmy: muy crazy?o!ahh! no! >> hey, watch it! >> just drive, stranger. >> jimmy: so, that's how you do it. [ applause ] it works for landscapers, too. hey, we have a good show for you tonight. blind movie critic jay forry is here with us. we're going to speak with him. we have musicic from theophilus london. and we'll be right back with kyra sedgwick, so stick around. [ male announcer ] when mike rowe heads home, his family knows what to expect. but what mike rowe doesn't know is that his parents have armed themselves with unquilted viva® towels. wow, for me? [ male announcer ] if viva can handle mike rowe's mess, just think what it can do in your home. grab a roll for yourself and grasp the unquilted difference. discover aveeno positively radiant tinted moisturizers with scientifically proven soy complex and natural minerals. give you sheer coverage instantly, then go on to even skin tone in four weeks. aveeno tinted moisturizers. always infinity. while most pads contain fluff, always infinity is made

jimmy kimmel!s and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. and -- [ applause ] someone in the audience is very excited to be here tonight. this guy, he's here from houston and it looks like your head is just on the verge of exploding. welcome. they left their triplets home to be here tonight. and i want to say, i want to welcome everyone who has abandoned their family to be with us tonight. as you are hopefully aware, father's day is on sunday. i got my dad the same thing i get him every year. a gift certificate to black angus and a mouse pad made out of popsicle sticks. he loves things made out of upon si popsicle sticks. all dads do. one guy who, by the way, does not have a fun father's day plan for this weekend is new york congressman anthony weiner. he -- weiner's wife, who is pregnant, got home today from a trip to africa with hillary clinton, while he stayed home, clearing his web browsing h

>> jimmy: hi, yeah, it's jimmy. >> jimmy kimmel? >> jimmy: yes, jimmy kimmel. yeah, we've got you out on hollywood boulevard in a dunk tank. and that's my cousin sal. cousin sal has a pretty good arm. sal is going to try to dunk you while you're on your g'zone phone. did you hear that? >> i hear that. >> jimmy: are you ready for this? >> i'm ready for this. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. let him have it. a little lower. okay, he's getting -- he's getting a lot closer. >> jimmy: can you hear me? >> yeah, who is this? >> jimmy: it's still jimmy. >> jimmy kimmel? >> jimmy: yes. >> i don't believe it. >> jimmy: it still works. shock resistance, water resistant, life resistant. available exclusively at verizon wireless. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with aaron paul, music from vivivbrother and roseanne barr. vo: transformers are back... ...and so is the bacon cheddar ranch tendercrisp at burger king. crispy bacon, rich cheddar cheese and creamy ranch dressing. not even the end of the world will make you put it down. get it before it's gone. and s

>> hello, jimmy? >> jimmy: yes, where are you?e're waiting for you to start the show. >> sorry, i'm too busy enjoying the "jimmy kimmel live" app to talk to you right now, good-bye. ay yi yi. jimmy worries too much. doesn't he realize that whether i am here or here or even here the show is always with me on my ipad, iphone and ipod touch. thanks to jkl app. i can watch video from the show anywhere on the go and i can read jim mmy's hilarious person tweets. [ laughter ] boy, that jimmy is a great guy. i wonder what he's doing now. ♪ jimmy. i told you i'm busy. good-bye! jimmy needs to get a life. [ laughter ] what a loser. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with eva mendes. comedian jim florentine. and music from pitbull. [ male announcer ] this...is the network -- a network of possibilities. in here, the planned combination of at&t and t-mobile would deliver our next generation mobile broadband experience to 55 million more americans, many i

open toed sandals. >> "ew." >> jimmy: iceberg lettuce. >> "ew." >> jimmy: babies. >> "ew." >> jimmy:ith an "h" at the end. >> "ew." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: paul reiser. >> whoa! cool. [ explosion ] ♪ hey, reiser, "ew." there you go. [ cheers ] those are all the new iphone apps. we'll be right back with animal expert jeff musial, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ child's voice ] ooh, that looks good. [ child's voice ] can i have some? [ child's voice ] you guys should rock, paper, scissors for it. one-two-three-shoot. one-two-three-shoot. i win! oh, man. [ muffled ] congratulations. [ male announcer ] get your own subway® bbq pulled pork sub. slow-cooked pork with bold barbecue sauce. before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93. kenny, 1995 was the year the song came out. it was '93. that was your 5th year of high school. it was 1995. ha! 10 bucks says it's '93. yeah, well that's 10 bucks you're gonna have to put in my pocket. whatever. "whoomp! there it is" was '93. it was clearly nineteen ninety... kenny, the restaurant's on fire. i'll call you back. wait, wait...

>> jimmy: absolutely. >> jimmy: dave salmoni, everybody.re on abc. we'll be right back with parachute. empty nest, new kitchen, new us? who are we? chic, modern, daring dinner-party hosts. that sounds dangerous, maybe we're more the tradiotional sunday brunch set? i'll expect slippers and a cocktail to be ready when i get home from work. point taken. how about... peaceful, quiet cottage in the country folk? now that's us. save up to 20% on every kitchen style, now until august 21st at ikea, the life improvement store. >> jimmy: this is their new album. it's called "the way it was." here with the song "something to believe in," with some help from the cletones, parachute! ♪ you wake up every morning looking for your answer you're waiting for your sign ♪ ♪ while jeremiah's on his way to tell the people ♪ ♪ but you watch him pass you by you spend your days alone ♪ ♪ still hoping for a true but you don't wanna try ♪ ♪ you swear the world has got you backed into a corner ♪ ♪ but no one holds your hand to walk into a fight you swear the light is

>> jimmy: no.ee. >> jimmy: yeah, i was holding with my binky, going, "i don't want to leave!" yeah, but i went upstate. but, i'm a new yorker, too. but, god i love brooklyn. so many fun cool things. >> yeah, it's a good place to grow up. >> jimmy: have you walked across the brooklyn bridge? you must have, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: a lot of people haven't. i hadn't until recently. >> oh. >> jimmy: it's amazing. and it's free. you just walk across. >> it is. it's a good time. >> jimmy: it's such a cool thing to do. i would recommend it to anybody. >> nadia should have her next party there. >> jimmy: she should, yeah. invite a bunch of firemen. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's good pizza over there, as well. >> oh, my god, yeah. i grew up near di fara's pizza. >> jimmy: di fara's? >> if you want some of the best -- best pizza in the city. >> jimmy: di fara's oh, my gosh. >> maybe you shouldn't go. >> jimmy: then everyone will know, they have such a good pie. now, there's another movie we didn't mention but you'

: and -- >> so, today, you're -- [ in spanish ] jimmy. >> jimmy: "jimmy"?okay. >> jimmy: yeah, very good. now, what are we -- i see booze. so i like that. >> yeah, we've got tequila, baby! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what have we got? what'd you make for us? >> we're getting ready for the memorial day weekend, so we gotta have some tequila. all right, rock it. so, we've got margaritas. frozen berry margaritas. really easy. just chop everything in a blender. you've got fresh berries and lime sorbet little tequila, sweetened with some rosemary and sugar. okay, you got an option. do you want the girly drink or do you wanna drink it like i drink it and drink it straight up? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: straight up. let's do it. if we're going for it, i might as well end the show just wasted. [ laughter ] >> that's how we do it in mexico, baby. >> jimmy: what kind of tequila is it? whoa! all that? >> yeah. you have to drink it by the time we get to the burgers. can you handle it? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> this will help. yeah. bite into that. take

jimmy, please. jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> bashir: jimmy, please, can i do a shout out, jimmy fallon?'re all here together. we're having fun, we're enjoying ourselves and honestly, we're not promised tomorrow. [ light laughter ] you know what i'm saying, girl? [ laughter ] we ain't promised tomorrow. that's right, come on over here, let me tell you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you see -- ♪ we're not promised tomorrow to get there we don't know how ♪ ♪ but here's a thing that's for certain, my dear is that we have right now ♪ ♪ so i wanna smell your hair i wanna smell your hair let me smell your hair let me smell -- ♪ >> oh, there it is! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ smell your hair let me smell you hair i wanna smell your hair i wanna smell your hair ♪ ♪ let me smell your hair let me smell your hair can i smell a hair? let me smell a hair ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right, hey, hey, hey, hey. stop it. stop, stop it. stop it. all right, that's it. thank you. ♪ i wanna smell it! ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. let me see if i get this right, here. shout out to your thirt

>> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you speak english? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: what's your name?. >> jimmy: what's on your neck? >> a bow tie. hello kitty. >> jimmy: you got that tattooed onto your neck? >> yeah, i stole it. >> jimmy: you stole it? >> don't tell her. >> jimmy: what's her -- >> it's gaga kitty. >> jimmy: wow. you are -- you've got completely gaga, haven't you? >> yeah, or hello kitty, so. >> jimmy: who do you like better? >> gaga for sure. >> jimmy: but if hello kitty was here, you might have a different story? >> no, they might have a fight. >> jimmy: are you aware that hello kitty is fictional? >> a cartoon. not fix ctional. >> jimmy: i got it. >> my name is lady. >> jimmy: lady? hi, lacy. your hair looks like clishs cotton candy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i mean, really. if i was at a baseball game, i would probably start eating it. >> all's all my real hair, too. >> jimmy: real hair? what about that on your shoulders. is that your real hair? and who is there with you, lacy? >> this is my mom. >> jimmy: that's your mom? a mother and daughter outing. how about tha

>> hello, jimmy? >> jimmy: : s, where are you?aiting for you to start the show. >> sorry, i'm so busy enjoying the "jimmy kimmel live" app to talk to you right now. good-bye. ay yi yi. jimmy worries too much. doesn't he realize that whether i am here. or here. or even here the show is always with me on my ipad, iphone and i ipod touch, thanks to jkl app. i can watch video from the show anywhere on the go and i can read jimmy's hilarious personal tweets. boy, that jimmy is a great guy. i wonder what he's doing now. ♪ jimmy, i told you i'm busy. good-bye! jimmy needs to get a life. what a loser. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. vo: transformers are back... ...and so is the bacon cheddar ranch tendercrisp at burger king. crispy bacon, rich cheddar cheese and creamy ranch dressing. not even the end of the world will make you put it down. get it before it's gone. and see "transformers: dark of the moon" now in theaters. new suave professionals rosemary mint versus aveda. i love the fr

>> jimmy: what is it? >> person. >> jimmy: barack obama. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go.show. al roker. >> felicia flockhart? okay wait. is it an actress? >> jimmy: it's a woman. it's on tv. >> a lady show? >> jimmy: "the voice." >> mary tyler moore? >> jimmy: no. >> come on, i need more of this. >> jimmy: -- i can't think of what it is. an interview talk show, barbara walters, "the view." >> "all my children?" >> jimmy: oh my god. she has a bunch of kids. oh! oh, my god, kate! "kate plus eight!" [ buzzer ] "kate plus eight!" >> wait what is it? >> both: "the bachelorette." >> what! >> jimmy: your voice just went so high. tie breaker. here we go. let's do one more. tie breaker. we'll do a showdown. we have to go same one, okay? >> do you want to pick the number? >> jimmy: no, of course you, you're my guest. >> yay! okay. come here. >> jimmy: hmm. >> sugar. >> here. >> thank you. you're such a gentleman. >> jimmy: that marker doesn't work. [ laughter ] are you drawing? my gosh, go! >> star. >> star of david. [ laughter ] >> america. >> american flag. [ yelling ] >> preside

and here he is jimmy fallon! cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a big new york city crowd. that's the best crowd in the world. welcome to "late night" with me, jimmy fallon, everybody. welcome. you guys feeling good? i love you. [ cheers and applause ] did you guys see this? in this week's republican debate, michele bachmann said that when it comes to balancing policy, the republican party needs to be a 3-legged stool. [ laughter ] which explains the new gop chairman, anthony weiner. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you get it? >> higgins: oh, boy. >> jimmy: speaking of anthony weiner, his wife returned home today and their relationship might be on the rocks. [ laughter ] you can tell he's bummed. today he tweeted a photo of himself at half-mast. [ laughter ] [ singing taps ] this is surprising, you guys. a new survey found 87% of high school seniors are less than proficient in u.s. history. not m

>> jimmy: hi yehya, it's jimmmm >> hi jimmy. jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: yes, jimmy kimmel. we have yehya out on hollywood boulevard in a dunk tank and -- that's my cousin sal. cousin sal's got a good arm. sal, yehya -- sal is going to try to dunk you while you're on the phone. yehya? >> yes? >> jimmy: did you hear that? >> i hear thatat >> jimmy: are you ready for this. >> i'm ready for this. >> jimmy: here we go. let him have it. little lower. okay. he's getting closer. -- oh, he's getting a lot closer. yehya? can you hear me? >> who is this? >> jimmy: still jimmy. >> jimmy kimmel, i don't believe this. >> jimmy: look at that. it still works. >> dicky: the casio commando. available sclufly at verizon wireless. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with kyra sedgwick. blind movie critic jay forry. and music from theophilus london. i never saw the traffic stop. it all happened so fast. it was clearly too late for me to do anything as my mercedes collision system automatically k kked in. the next thing i know, the memeedes stopped itself. ♪ ♪ watching what mercedes has don

>> jimmy: whoa! no! oh, my god. >> fire, jimmy! fire, fire! >> jimmy: fire, okay. fire!-- it's a video game rule. when in doubt, shoot in the face. keep on moving. keep on moving. you're overheating. >> jimmy: i overheated. i overheated there. what is he doing? >> shoot, shoot. shoot him in the eyeball, jimmy. >> jimmy: shoot him in the eyeball. shoot him in the eyeball for massive damage. >> jimmy: all right. sorry, sorry. here we go. >> here you go! eyeball! yeah, keep going. keep going. >> jimmy: i'm going to wait. i'm going to wait. >> stop, stop. there you go. >> jimmy: whoa! >> don't get too close. don't get too close. he's chomping. he's chomping. >> jimmy: agh! >> all right. you almost got him. you almost got him. try it again. >> jimmy: i'm trying to get his eyeball! i'm trying to get his eyeball! i'm over heating! cliff, you got to help me out. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm breaking a sweat. this is insane. >> you softened -- you softened it up for me, jimmy. here we go. we got it. we got it. we got it. >> jimmy: come on, buddy. >> you're tough today. king of th

put it in, jimmy. >> jimmy: really earning my money tonight. >> put it in. put it in, jimmy. turn your back to me. turn the back. you've got the card against your chest. with the back, just look at the card, but don't let anyone see it. the camera has not seen it. turn around and face us, jimmy. okay? [ laughter ] just wait. wait a minute, wait a minute. wait. um, would i -- would i be safe in asking you to hand me the 3 of diamonds? jimmy, what's the card there? can i look at it? what is it? 3 of diamonds it is. [ audience oohs ] [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you are the best in the business. >> now jimmy, i'm very excited about this. "the associated press," all the newspapers in the western world are going to be interviewing me tomorrow about this. i have -- i took 28 hours to prepare this. i have not been really to bed for two days, because what i'm going to do -- >> jimmy: big deal. >> -- and i'm really serious. i'm putting my reputation on the line. i'm going to write down, right here, what i believe, jimmy, is going to be the results of the presidential election a year and a

okay. >> jimmy: let's look at the clip. ♪ >> jimmy: [ steve as jimmy ] hello.on diaz. >> [ miles as cameron ] hello, jerry. i am so happy to b-b-b-b-be here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cameron, dear, what is your favorite food? >> well, i have to say i love beans. [ laughter ] but sometimes they make me toot. [ laughter ] unless i concentrate real hard, like this. [ fart ] >> jimmy: that's crazy. oh, my god, i'm going to sneeze. i'm going to sneeze. hold on -- [ farts ] false alarm. [ laughter ] >> oh, my, did you just have some beans? >> no. it's sad. i didn't, i'm allergic. but, i have a present for you. it's in my pocket. [ laughter ] in my pocket. let me stand up. i'll get it for you. it's in my pocket. >> i can't wait to see -- >> jimmy: other pocket, other pocket. >> -- what it is. >> jimmy: there it is. it's a roll of dimes. oh, wait. that's not a roll of dimes. [ laughter ] i'm sorry. i'd best be sitting down. >> you know, i am so thirsty, that i really want to take a sip out of this mug. here i go! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that looks delicious. oh my gosh. y

>> jimmy: yeah, no.mmy: yep, i would. >> don't. please don't. [ laughter ] this one, this is what happened here. i tried to climb this -- [ laughter ] i tried to climb this three times and i kept getting stuck in the middle. >> jimmy: yeah. absolutely. i can see why. >> going back and forth. so, this is something people should stop. if they're doing it, they've got to stop. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if you're going it, stop. you guys more with bob saget when we come back, please. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] host: could switching to geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? host: do people use smartphones to do dumb things? man 1: send, that is the weekend. app grapgic: yeah dawg! man 2: allow me to crack...the bubbly! man 1: don't mind if i doozy. man 3: is a gentleman with a brostache invited over to this party? man 1: only if he's ready to rock! ♪ sfx: guitar and trumpet jam vo: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. i feel like i have to wind myself up to deal with the sad

. ♪ larry hoover >> jimmy. ♪ whip-in work >> jimmy. ♪ hallelujah >> jimmy. [ cheers ] jimmy. >> jimmytalking to this girl from the u.s. nations ♪ ♪ you, you got what i need but you say he's just a friend but you say ♪ ♪ he's just a friend oh, baby, you, you got what i need ♪ >> everybody. ♪ but you say he's just a friend and you say he's just a friend ♪ ♪ you >> bring it. ♪ you got what i need but you say he's just a friend ♪ >> yeah. ♪ but you say he's just a friend oh baby you you got what i need ♪ ♪ but you say he's just a friend e's just a friend ♪ >> everybody. ♪ clap you hands everybody if you got what it takes because i'm justin ♪ ♪ i'm jimmy and we want you to know that these are the brakes ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: justin timberlake. the roots. "history of rap 2." we'll be right back with more "late night" everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] nutri-grain -- one good decision... can lead to another. ♪ ♪ with real fruit, more of the whole grains your body needs, and a good source of fiber. nutri-grain can help you eat better all da

jimmy?! >> jimmy: very good, okay.is nut sack. [ laughter ] as you can see here, the large, dangling nut sack is filled with circus peanuts. [ laughter ] but, this nut sack also has balls in it. your job is to determine how many blue balls are in the nut sack. there could be -- there could be one, two, there could be three or four balls in there. i've heard of stuff like that before. you'll have 15 seconds to feel it, grab it, and move stuff around. you can only use one hand and you must do it for the entire 15 seconds. [ laughter ] >> i think i've got it. >> jimmy: okay, very good. please put on your blindfold here. very, very good. no peeking at that nut sack. [ light laughter ] 15 seconds on the clock, please! >> jimmy: audience help him out. ready, set, "grab the balls in your nut sack." one hand, one hand! ♪ all right, very good. [ laughter ] you really know how to handle a nut sack. [ laughter ] how many balls are in that nut sack? >> i think i felt two. [ ding ] that is correct. two balls. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimm

>> jimmy: hey! >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: hey! guy pulled a gun on him. >> steve: oh, did he really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: oh. was it colin hay? >> jimmy: it was colin hay from "men at work." [ laughter ] check this out. a man in minnesota says -- i like that quest was laughing at that. [ laughter ] he goes, hey, and then he goes, hey? hey? and then he goes, i come from the land down under. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: check this out. a man in minnesota says his iphone survived a 13,000 foot fall, after it slipped out of his pocket while he was skydiving. yeah. that's not surprising. if there's one thing the iphone's good at, it's dropped calls. [ laughter and ohs ] i just saw this, a new edition of "al qaeda" magazine claims bin laden fought a vicious battle before he died. you know, if they keep writing that kind of nonsense, i might have to cancel my subscription to "al qaeda" magazine. [ laughter ] i'm not going to put up with it. they have some good recipes in there. [ laughter ] get two bowls of dirt -- >> steve: put them t

>> jimmy: oh!- >> steve: i can't! i can't! >> jimmy: splash. >> ♪ everybody everybody ♪ >> audience member: four! >> who? what? [ audience screaming ] >> jimmy: one person yelled" four." >> oh, okay. it's a lot of words. [ laughter ] >> steve: count them right, first. count them before you go. [ laughter ] don't count them like, "okay, ready? all right. >> okay. >> steve: book! and a movie! [ laughter ] seven words. second word. "roar, roar, roar." "king kong" [ laughter ] >> nope. >> steve: lion. [ laughter ] all right. six words. open. wait. costume. dress. dress. [ laughter ] wash robe. the lion that was -- "chronicles of narnia: the lion the witch and the wardrobe"! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my god. [ talking over each other ] >> steve: chronic, what? >> jimmy: that was pretty good. >> steve: now we -- you and me. >> jimmy: what was a six word movie with "king kong" in it? [ laughter ] was it "king kong went to the mall"? now, this is it. this is the showdown. we both give at the s

hi, models. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: how was your weekend?t. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: as you guys see, we have 12 beautiful models with 12 beautiful buckets for our contestants to choose from. whatever bucket they pick will be dumped on their head, but one of these buckets contains $100. [ cheers and applause ] let's meet our contestants. come on over, you guys. what's going on? ♪ >> jimmy: man, all good? very, very good. what's your name and where are you from? >> my name is rob and from scranton, pennsylvania. >> jimmy: good man, rob. and what is your frat? >> sigma alpha epsilon. >> jimmy: sigma alpha epsilon. very good. awesome, buddy. what's your name, where you from? >> jesus from uptown new york, washington heights. >> jimmy: very good and what's the name of your frat? >> supreme. >> jimmy: very good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right guys, you know how the game works. you have to pick a bucket number, and then we'll dump that bucket on your head. but first, higgins, tell us what's in some of today's buckets? >> steve: well, jimmy, today

he is funny. >> jimmy: and? >> and los tucanes de tijuana, the best mexican norteÑo regional music group in the world! >> jimmy: how come their names aren't on your chest? >> that's because they are inside me. like pizza. >> dickey: san manuel indian bingo and casino wants to celebrate 25 years with you. great promotions and giveaways all year. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with rutledge wood, music from big talk and jon favreau. yeah, dirt? do you think the two of us will ever find the one? well, we've been left behind by so many mops and brooms... aw, man! ...but we have got... see ya! ...each other. ♪ what about love?! [ male announcer ] swiffer attracts dirt. the 2 in 1 swiffer sweeper uses electrostatic dry cloths to trap and lock more dirt than a broom and uses dirt dissolving wet cloths to clean better than a mop. you're quite the pickup artist! [ male announcer ] 2 in 1 swiffer sweeper gives cleaning a whole new meaning. you can take the heat. 'til it turns into heartburn, you've g

. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: i'm having people over to my house on the 4th. >> dicky: shia labeouf. >> jimmy: justin bieber is a real life transformer. >> i met him at the mtv movie awards. >> jimmy: did you disable him? >> dicky: green bay packers quarterback aaron rodgers. and music from 311. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with n ns about the bud light president paradise cruise, with two cruise ships, 4,000 ship mapts and one private caribbean island. might be the best time you never want to talk about. we go now to guillermo who is sailing the high seas. how it is going out there, guillermo? >> oh, hi, jimmy. thank you for sending me on the port paradise cruise. i'm having the time of my life. i just wish my chihuahuas paco and pepe were here with me. i hope they're doing okay. hola, how are you? si, i miss you, too. do not be sad and lonely. i'll be home soon. >> guillermo! i need more sun tan lotion on my back. >> hey, i got to go, guys. bye! [ barking ] ♪ >> dicky: the bud light port paradise cruise sets sail again this year. find out how to

>> dicky: up next on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: only thing i want from mexico i already got and he's standing right there by the door. >> jimmy: dids know you from the night in paris now? not as much? >> not so much. >> dicky: adam levine. >> what happened here exactly. >> jimmy: i look exactly like this with my clothes off. really weird. >> dicky: and music from panic at the disco. >> go ahead, do it, andrew. when a carpet is clean and fresh, it's irresistible. experience this in your home with resolve deep clean powder. its moist powder penetrates deep, removing three times more dirt than vacuuming alone while also neutralizing odors at their source. it's a clean you can see, smell, and really enjoy. resolve deep clean powder. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with news about the bud light port paradise cruise. it might be the best time you never want to talk about. we go now to guillermo, who is sailing the high seas. how is it going out there, guillermo? >> oh, hi, jimmy. thank you for sending me on the port paradise cruise. i'm having th

>> dicky: "jimmy kim >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with exciting news. "jimmy kimmel live," our show, now has it very own app. here now, with all the details, guillermo. who apparently is not here. hold on a second. ♪ guillermo? >> hello, jimmy? >> jimmy: yes, where are you? we're waiting for you to start the show. >> sorry, i'm too busy enjoying the "jimmy kimmel live" app to talk to you right now. good-bye. ay yi yi. jimmy worries too much. doesn't he realize that whether i am here or here or even here the show is always with me on my ipad, iphone and ipod touch. thanks to jkl app. i can watch video from the show anywhere on the go and i can read jimmy's hilarious personal tweets. [ laughter ] boy, that jimmy is a great guy. i wonder what he's doing now. ♪ jimmy, i told you, i'm busy. good-bye! jimmy needs to get a life. what a loser. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with louis c.k. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym. from "rookie blue," missy peregrym. and mus

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone.'m jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i -- [ cheers and applause ] that's very kind of you. and i don't know about you, but so far this has been the best summer of my entire life. really has. only bad thing, my yogalates instructor says i'm not bikini ready yet. but i will be. give me one month of starving and crying and i will be ready. i love the weather in l.a. right now. the sun is shining. it's 80 degrees. it reminds me of christmas in l.a. kids are setting up their gluten free lemonade stands. got some fun planned for you tonight. nobody enjoys summer like the guy who dresses up like chewbacca on hollywood boulevard. outside our theater, there are a group of characters who put on costumes like these and pose for pictures with tourists. what is your real name, by the way? >> it's cory. >> jimmy: cory is one of them. cory who i have recently fallen in love with, we know it's hard for you to get the day off work to go to the beach. so, ton

>> jimmy: very good. hey. welcome to "late night" -- welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. oh, man, what a great crowd already. yeah, i can feel it's going to be a good show, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys, i just read that secretary of state hillary clinton is threatening to cut off military aid to pakistan. or as one guy put it -- [ imitating bill clinton ] "that's not the first time she's threatened to cut something off. [ laughter and applause ] and she'll do it. she will do it." darryl. some tech news -- there are reports that twitter will start putting ads in user's timelines. that's going to be weird. right? it's going to be like, "i'm so sad. last night, my grandma passed away quietly in her sleep. do the dew!" [ laughter ] check this out, a european aircraft company is building a high speed jet that can go from new york to london in an hour. seriously? how about a jet that can go from the gate to the runway in an hour? [ laughter and applause ] that would be something -- t

>> jimmy: yeah.l with a guy last month. >> that may be speck lapted as gay. >> jimmy: well, sure. we thought it was. there's a drinking game that goes along with the show, which i think is great. >> i can't played it yet. >> jimmy: you haven't? >> i have to tell you some of the funny rules. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you get to take a shot of your choice at any of the following sort of -- >> jimmy: i have the rules here. i'll go a ang with you. >> good. one of them is, you know, staring longingly at each other for more than three seconds. >> jimmy: you take a drink? >> that's ririt. >> jimmy: okay. >> or if one of them forces the other to go out with a man? >> jimmy: you take a drink? >> awkwardly. you take a drink. and my persosol favorite is, if one of them says, "oh, i'll come along" for no reason. if one of them, one of them is saying, i'm going off to interrogate a suspect, the other says, "oh, i'll come along." >> jimmy: that's seen as an excuse? >> yeah. >> jimmy: my favorite is, engaging in any stair

jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, cleto. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us tonight. i want to do a quick poll. show of hands. who else has already forgotten who won "the voice?" we're heading into a big weekend. monday is the fourth of july. some of us will remember this weekend as the last time we had all ten fingers. you know, people forget that tom cruise but born on the fourth of july back when he had a beard and no legs. so, happy birthday to him, too. i'm having people over to my house on the fourth. we're going to track and barbecue a vegan this year. they're delicious because they are grass fed. guillermo, you're coming over, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let me tell you something. the nation of mexico contributes more to the fourth of july than i think america does. where do we get our illegal fireworks? mexico. who loads us up with so much tequila we can't remember who we put our mouths on? mexico. ch

jimmy: okay.w it looks. >> i'll try. this would be an item -- well, that any dad would love. where did this come from? >> well, actually came from a free sale. >> jimmy: got it for free? >> yeah. and actually found it on craigslist it was -- >> jimmy: somebody gave it away for free on craigslist and now you're selling it? >> yeah, yeah. i know -- well, i thought -- it might be worth something. >> jimmy: has anyone contacted you about buying this? >> yeah, a couple of people interested. >> jimmy: you have? but you weren't able to work out a price? >> well, actually, they thought $5 was r rsonable. one person said they would give me 20. i was like, okay. >> jimmy: they probably wanted sex. yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. maybe. >> jimmy: also to go with maybe the "jersey shore" phone there, the duck there. that would be -- use that in your ad. >> okay, thanks. >> jimmy: thank you, eileen. go to craigslist los angeles, search for carved handle umbrella, $5. all right. next seller is sal. hi, sal. how are

jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's very nice. thank you. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here tonight. it's the first week of summer. who else is wearing a bathing suit for underwear right now? hey, here's a fun idea. this is a good activity for the family. find someone who uses summer as a verb, as in, we summer in the hamptons, and punch them in the face. it feels great and it helps the community, too. for many school children around the country this is the last week of school. i loved the last week of school. i love the last week of anything, rerely. i do. saying good-bye to the kids that you like but you don't like enough to hang around with during the summertime, writiti dumb things in each other's yearbooks. do they do that still or are they texting things to the yearbook now? omg, see you -- see you next summer. syns, right? here's some advice for the kids. only nerds actually do their summer reading. i

i'm bear grylls and i survived jimmy kiel. >> jimmy: wow.ds for their participation. wow. [ applause ] really good acting all the way around. one more thing. it's the end of the week, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> when you get to the freeway torp, you'll see the signs blaring, [ bleep ] you los angeles. >> at the white house today, the [ bleep ] debate picked up again. >> we are fighting for middle class families who just want to [ bleep ] chance when they get into the marketplace. >> the straw that broke the camel's back is after they began [ bleep ] in front of the children. >> i am absolutely loaded with blooem [ bleep ]. >> flying in space is a real dream, but [ bleep ] in space, it has a lot more to do with who you do it with. >> i was quoted as saying, i walked outside my flat and i had my [ bleep ] in my mouth, so, i'm not sure -- >> girls love to play with dolls. but would you give your daughter a doll that mimics

>> she brought the cake. >> jimmy: tell them we need five elephants. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: what happened dropped it. >> i didn't.t. >> jimmy: oh, no, that's the trophy. >> jimmy, i didn't do it. >> she says she did it. she says she did it. >> she brought me the cake to entice me. >> jimmy: why don't we just look at the security camera footage? >> i'm going to control them. >> jimmy: okay. i'm sure there's a very good explanation for this. >> i didn't do it. >> jimmy: let's see it. all right. there's pam coming in with the cake. >> this is what i think of your cake. >> jimmy: whoa! >> holy crap. >> jimmy: what happened? >> i don't know. it wasn't like that. >> jimmy: what wasn't like that? that's the security camera footage. >> that's me? >> jimmy: yeah, that's you. i got to tell you something. i think you did the right thing? >> i did? >> jimmy: pad had no right to bring you cake. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't understand why you smashed the trophy though. that seems weird to me. but you know, what are you going to do? oh, well. i'm going to get somebody to clean this up. keep it up. >> good

jimmy? >> jimmy: thank you, higgins. thank you, dwar.e we start. first, you can only break the pinatas using karate kicks. you cannot use your hands, you cannot use your body. in addition, the pinatas must fully break in order to count. also, keep in mind in the event of a tie, our great audience will decide the winner based on kicking awesomeness. [ cheers and applause ] so it's very important that your kicks are awesome. any questions before we begin? >> good to go. >> great. >> all set. >> jimmy: contestant number one, you're up. go take your place. put on your blindfold. [ light laughter ] take your place first, watch it. [ laughter ] the fiesta ring is now spinning. remember to stay on the mat at all times. 20 seconds on the clock, please. ready, set, kick! ♪ jimmy: yes! yes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: come on over. that's fantastic. it will be a tough one for the judges. great job. everything okay at home? [ laughter ] that's okay. save it for your therapist. let's take a look at that in slow motion. ♪ [ laugh

i think jimmy carter -- i think jimmy carter lacked the inherent skills of politics. to put it lightly, he was no lbj. he was good at campaigning, absolutely. some people would criticize him during the time of the speech, which weighs distract and he wanted to go back to campaigning rather than governing the country, which is attention nisi thread his presidency. he was no lbj in the sense that he could put a lot of weight on people and get them to move behind things. with that said, i think we agree. one of the things you can say jimmy carter wasn't good at governing, but quick follow-up is too in that situation would've been better. it was a really difficult situation. i mean, with watergate just kind of hitting so big and more and more details coming out as you proceed to jimmy carter's presidency when you have a congress that basically looks at watergate and says my god, we cannot allow for executive power to grow any more than it is. when you have a setting like that, you have watergate, have vietnam, you have the kind of declining public participation you see th

. >> jimmy: well, you definitely going to be a lottery pick. you know that you're going to be picked for a team. do you know where you're going to go, or what's -- >> i have no idea right now. >> jimmy: you have no idea? >> no idea. >> jimmy: but people they've been coming to your house begging for play for them and all that stuff? >> no, no. >> jimmy: is it like "jerry maguire" at all? is it anything like that? >> not at all. >> jimmy: no, not at all. don't you want to stay in new york? >> i wish. >> jimmy: come on, right. come on. you'll be the new york knicks? [ cheers and applause ] or go to brooklyn? >> that would good too. >> jimmy: the nets, come on. that would be fun. you have no hints, no spoiler alerts? >> none. no idea. >> jimmy: i don't believe you. [ laughter ] here you go, you're a great new york city point guard. and now you're going to be testing your shooting skills right now, "late night" style with a random object shootout. here's the way it works. we're each going to be shooting five objects, and we're going to keep the scor

. >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: my plan this weekend is to barbecue everything in sight. nothing is safe. hide your dog, hide your kids, hide your wallet. when i'm done, i want my backyard to look like a zoo caught fire. >> dicky: kevin nealon. >> om. >> dicky: dave salmoni. >> jimmy: oh, my god! >> dicky: and music from parachute. >> jimmy: you know talk show hosts love to have animals on >> jimmy: you know talk show hosts l[ male announcer ]s on nature is unique... ...authentic... ...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good.