>> jimmy: oh, cory. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: you're wearing it. thank you very much. show. it's right across the street. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: yeah, really. come on, let's go. >> okay. >> jimmy: thanks. >> okay. >> jimmy: see you guys later. do you believe that? >> yeah. i couldn't believe it. >> jimmy: i mean, it's -- you know. >> i couldn't believe it. >> jimmy: crazy, right? jump in. >> that was. that was weird. >> jimmy: put your seat belt on. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'm on a little break right now. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> thanks for picking me up. >> jimmy: my pleasure. sorry i left you there for two weeks. >> that's okay. that guy had free peanut butter. >> jimmy: oh, he did? >> yeah. and he was eating a jelly sandwich. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> this is step aerobics. we're going to start with this. say hello to the step. >> i have to? >> no. just say hola, step. >> hola, step. >> now, do it with me. touch, down. touch, down. let's go. get closer -- get closer. touch, down. touch, down. touch, down. >> why do i have to wear the short shorts? >> what? >> they

it was great, yeah. >> jimmy: good, solid couple years. >> of course, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: yeah, that look beautiful, as you always do. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i love your nails. you have nice red nails today. >> thank you. >> jimmy: but the last time i saw you at the golden globes, you came up, and i saw your nails, and they were little tuxedos. >> yes. >> jimmy: that was pretty cool. i've never seen that before. that was pretty cute, cause everyone was dressed up -- >> i like to think of nail art ideas. >> jimmy: don't we all? >> yeah. well, yeah. good point. >> jimmy: yeah, right. nail art ideas. everyone's into that. but i thought that was super creative. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've never seen anyone do little tuxedos. >> well, you know, i took my sister as a date, and she was wearing a dress. and i was like, "somebody needs to escort me wearing a tuxedo." >> jimmy: yes, of course. hello, sir. >> ten little friends. >> jimmy: ten friends. yes, hello. [ laughter ] ah, my ten friends. >> my ten little headless friends. >> jimmy: of course. last time you were here, we played -- oh b

>> jimmy: thank you.>> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> yeah, i've had that happen. the -- i had -- you know, this was -- i was in play called "the shape of things" and there was a scene where i was laying on the bed, and i was in this play with rachel vice. and this -- the scene was a night scene. it was kind of funny, and one night it was getting a lot of laughs. and i thought, great. >> jimmy: you kill 'em? >> this is super cool. i don't know what i'm doing differently but it's really working. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then i realized that i was laying on top of the covers, and in the scene i'm wearing t-shirt and boxers. and i decided to, kind of, put my leg up, and my balls were hanging out. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no. yeah, that was -- what was that like? [ laughter ] >> hanging brain on broadway. on old broadway. >> jimmy: no one says -- hanging brain on old broadway. >> yeah. that's -- that's the title of hume cronyn's autobiography. >> jimmy: that's not true at all. >> i might be g

jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. >> steve: why don't you pick one. >> jimmy: all right. here we go.steve: as seen on tv. these are famous infomercial products. as seen on tv. famous infomercial products. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: are you ready? >> jimmy: this is not going to be good at all. no, okay, ready. >> steve: come on you got it. >> jimmy: okay, ready. here we go. >> steve: go! >> jimmy: this is -- you glue these things all over your jeans. >> bedazzle? >> jimmy: yes. [ ding ] this one is a -- it's a blanket that you wear. >> snuggie. >> jimmy: yes. [ ding ] this one is a -- he's british. and he keeps banging on the thing and it's -- veggies get -- >> oh. the -- >> jimmy: yeah. it's two words. first one, if i blank your face. >> smack? >> jimmy: all right. i'll -- >> smash? >> jimmy: i'm going to go with next one. next one , pass. next one go. he's, again, another british man. and he just takes it. and he just wipes things up. [ laughter ] >> the whamo? >> jimmy: something, yeah! it's close. [ buzzer ] >> oh, no. >> steve: whamo. judges, can we take that? oh, we cannot. >> ji

>> jimmy: stephen! >> jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah? this is crazy. why are we fighting?s just ice cream. and after all, proceeds from both of our flavors go to charity. it shouldn't matter whose they buy. >> you're right, jimmy. it doesn't matter who wins, now that i won. [ laughter ] let's join up the two halves of our friendship amulet and be friends again. >> jimmy: i wish i could, but i don't have my half anymore. >> what? but that was pure gold colored plastic from china -- town. what happened to it, jimmy? >> jimmy: after we became eternal enemies for six months, i got so upset, that i drove over to the ben & jerry's plant, and in a fit of rage and passion, hurled my amulet into a mixing vat. now it's inside a random carton of "late night" snack ice cream somewhere. >> what? what? well, we have to find it, jimmy. everyone within the sound of my voice, run out to a store and buy as many pints of "late night" snack as you can. [ laughter ] everyone buy jimmy fallon's "late night" snack, not my ice cream! i'm going to go buy some right now! come on ben! come on jerry!

hey -- >> audience member: jimmy! >> jimmy: everyone -- nice to see you, sir. [ laughter ] "jimmy!", my friend. everybody in new york city is still talking about tim tebow coming to the jets. [ cheers and applause ] and listen to this. apparently tebow's looking for a house in the same neighborhood where jets quarterback mark sanchez lives. yeah, it's right at the intersection of "awkward" and "yikes." [ laughter ] speaking of tim tebow, a strip club here in new york is -- [ laughter and applause ] ♪ true story. >> steve: oh, wait, what? >> jimmy: a strip club, here in new york -- >> steve: right. >> jimmy: is offering to give tebow his first lap dance for free. [ light laughter ] yeah, it'll be the first time where the customer is the one who keeps yelling, "no touching.! "no touching!" [ laughter ] nope. here's an election update. yesterday, newt gingrich said he's not backing out of the gop race. you can tell. i mean, when gingrich backs out, you usually hear this -- [ truck backing up beeps ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is weird, you guys. burger king is now sellin

>> jimmy: that's right.the book is for adults from its title, "harry potter and the goblet of activia." [ laughter ] >> steve: you've got to stay regular, harry. >> jimmy: he's getting old. now, whenever harry wants to use his wand, he has to take a viagra 20 minutes before, and then -- [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! limpicus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: erectilia. this is a funky idea. i think he's italian, too. i made him italian. >> steve: yeah, well, you know, latin is very close. >> jimmy: hey, this is a weird fact. a new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. yeah. and when kids lose their teeth now, they're like, "i'm going to hold on to this until the market improves." [ laughter ] i'm not gonna let -- [ applause ] it's a molar, too. it's a pretty big one. listen to this. a company in the u.k. is selling a new device that lets you know if you're driving badly. yeah, it's called a windshield. [ laughter ] ridiculous. and finally, some tv news. there ar

>> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: so, wait. based on anyone that i know. but ironically, right after we wrapped the film a few months later, my -- my managers, who -- man and a woman, best friends and business partners. they sat me down and said, "we have something to tell you. we're having a baby together." and i was like, "huh? what" like, the script wasn't, like, a directive. you can -- you know, you don't have to, like -- [ laughter ] you can -- you don't have to do that. and no, they had been planning this. and anyway, they had their baby this morning. they just texted me, so -- [ audience aws ] [ cheers and applause ] -- a happy -- >> jimmy: hey! that's fantastic. it's a good ending. ♪ i love it! you guys, we have a clip. here's jennifer westfeldt in "friends with kids." >> you really want to have a kid? >> yeah. >> we just don't want to subject that kid to our tragic marriage. >> our tragic marriage? >> no, our tragic marriage. >> the one we would have? >> us. >> i mean, see, we just -- you know, we don't want to fall in

jimmy: oh, my gosh.s for having me. shouts out to the roots and captain crunch, my man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: shouts out? >> shouts out, to the roots. and captain crunch. i watch the show. i watch the show. >> jimmy: yeah, but we don't say shouts out. >> shouts out, that's what you say. >> jimmy: no, you say shout out. >> no, you say shouts out, but, whatever you want to call it. now -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: clearly not what everyone calls it. he's biting your hand. >> congratulations on three years. this is the first animal i ever brought on your show, so i thought i'd bring him back. he's bigger now. >> jimmy: wait, are you kidding me? >> no, we had him on the show, he was little. this is what i scared you with for the first time. >> jimmy: yeah, he's frightening me right now. >> you lost your mind. and i'm like, he's such a cool animal, i didn't get to tell you about him. grab that banana over there. there's a banana, a peeled banana. here, you're going to give it to him. you'll be -- he'll be

>> jimmy: he's real. >> whoo! >> jimmy: right here. this is good. >> wow. >> jimmy: now, look.back to that. tuesdays. tuesday nights at 9:30. >> jimmy: 9:30. >> right after -- >> jimmy: after the "new girl." >> yes, right. >> jimmy: and -- and -- >> it's a fun show. i'm loving doing it. >> jimmy: are you tweeting right now? >> i'm not tweeting right now, but i will. but this is, like, from a shot from, like, the last episode we did. see, that's me in the kirk chair, right. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. let me just show -- >> no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> we can't show them. but i want you to see, just describe it. >> jimmy: what? >> i'm not showing -- no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> you're going to see it on tuesday night. you're not going to -- >> jimmy: just show them what -- >> no way! i'll show you. look, there it is. see? see? oh, no! [ cheers and applause ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: that's you naked -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: -- in the captain kirk chair -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: -- from "star trek." >> that's

> steve: and you're gonna go jimmy fal-lin. >> jimmy: yeah, jimmy fwaylon. [ laughter ] also, he's ay funny guy, who's doing a voice in the new 3-d animated movie "the lorax," rob riggle is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] come on! and it gets even better -- >> steve: what? >> jimmy: it gets even better -- >> steve: what? >> jimmy: -- because as part of "bruce springsteen week," they've got a new record out, the great elvis costello will be performing a cover of a springsteen classic with the roots! [ applause ] and it is amazing, you guys. it's gonna blow your pants off. [ light laughter ] of course i have to thank the folks over at budweiser for sponsoring "springsteen week." [ cheers and applause ] making it all possible, making great beer. good music, good times. hey, guys, it's time for "late night hashtags," here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so yesterday i went on twitter, i started a hashtag called "my co-worker is crazy." and i as

>> jimmy: what's your name? >> i'm aaron. >> jimmy: aaron? >> grant. >> jimmy: grunt? >> grant.y: gran? >> like hugh grant. >> jimmy: [ british accent ] hugh grant. oh, grant? very nice. hello. [ laughter ] very good, grant. grant is here. very, very good. where are you from, grant? >> london? >> jimmy: london. of course you are from london. [ laughter ] well, welcome to the show. and where you from? >> upper massachusetts. >> jimmy: boring. [ laughter ] but here's the way it works. everyone can do this. in massachusetts you can do it in london -- everything. here's the dance -- now, you take your hands. you put them over your head, touch your elbows. yeah, like that, right? >> okay. >> jimmy: and then you spread your legs out wide. [ light laughter ] right? and then, quest, can you give me a beat. like -- ♪ then you go like this. yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] you walk in the bar like, "what's up ladies? you see something you like? [ cheers and applause ] they're looking real good. thank you very -- hey, watch it. that's enough. yeah, yeah. thank you. [ applause ] >> steve: are

>> jimmy: yeah.stairs to see it, donkey kong starts throwing barrels at you, so you gotta -- [ laughter ] jump over it. [ scattered applause ] get this. a bakery in california has a new atm that dispenses fresh cupcakes. finally, answering the question, "what is the saddest possible way to celebrate your birthday?" [ laughter and applause ] "i'll just have one." [ laughter ] and, finally, a man in florida was arrested after he took his clothes off while doing karaoke at an applebee's. [ laughter ] it was easy for the audience to join in singing. they just followed the bouncing ball. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's four am and my lover won't answer he's probably somewhere with a dancer ♪ ♪ sippin' champagne while i'm in his bed ♪ ♪ it's four am and i think i might lose it this man must be thinkin' i'm stupid ♪ ♪ he must've bumped his head don't he know it's four am ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. that is grammy-win

>> yeah. 12:00. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: at 12:00. why don't you have ash on your forehead? >> because of the show. >> jimmy: guillermo usually gets it in his mustache, so it doesn't show up. if your co-workers had ash on their heads today, it means either they're catholic or they had too many margaritas and passed out in an ashtray. i usually will give something up for lent. but this year, instead of giving something up, i decided just to give up. do what you will with me. i surrender. we have a lot going on tonight. first of all, jessica alba is with us on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to cook tonight. tonight, we're going to freeze a hamburger. then, fry it. then, freeze it again. then, fry it again. then, eat it with instructions -- for real, from the brilliant computer genius-turned-chef, nathan myhrvold. [ cheers and applause ] and tonight, uggie the dog is backstage to make oscar night predictions for us. uggie is the star of "the artist." the dog star. there he is. now, that's his best friend, brigitte. and

>> hi. >> jimmy: stand up. >> hello. >> jimmy: how you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: nice to see you.jimmy: emily, where are you from? >> houston. >> jimmy: from houston. >> yes. >> jimmy: well, welcome to new york city. >> thank you. >> jimmy: are you having fun? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: all right, great. do you have your phone with you? >> yes, it's right here. >> jimmy: another iphone. this is very interesting. all right, here we go. this iphone goes in to the hacker 9000. >> hello, emily, this is the officer benetti of the houston police. we've identified the suspect who apparently defecated in your purse. [ laughter ] he's wearing kind of a red gingham-y type shirt. with his hand on -- he has a watch. and smiling. and now he's moving. [ light laughter ] he's standing next to you. see, you know what? i hope that helps. hold on a second. yeah, what is this? i'm on the phone. >> i have to go to the bathroom again. >> you have to go to the bathroom? [ laughter ] hold on a second. i'm almost done talking to this lady. her purse was defecated in. all right. we'll see you later, chelsea. em

jimmy?jimmy: what's up? >> questlove: i didn't know we were doing shout outs. can i do one? >> jimmy: sure, quest, go ahead. >> questlove: good. all right, let me get some shout out music, please? ♪ all right. yo, it's your man questo, and i have to give a shout out to the people of sweden. specifically the swedish film society's guldbagge award. which is, it's like their oscar. and recently i won it for scoring, along with my buddy, om'mas keith, for the movie "black power mixtape." and i don't have it with me, but it's pretty cool. it's a shelly looking thing, but you know, thank you to everybody in sweden. i appreciate it. >> jimmy: yeah, very nice. [ cheers and applause ] that's cool. congratulations, quest. >> never heard of it. never heard of it. let me do one. >> jimmy: okay, sure, kamal, go ahead. go ahead, buddy. >> yo, i wanna give a shout out to bubbles. [ laughter ] i love this wispy ass little balls of wonder, baby. look at 'em go. they got a mind of they own. but don't touch 'e

>> i'm a scorpio, jimmy. >> jimmy: me, too.urn off the lights. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. no, i just chilled. >> jimmy: you just chilled? didn't go out to dinner and that sort of thing. ♪ turn off the lights and lit some candles ♪ >> jimmy: flower petals? >> i draw my own bath, jimmy. >> jimmy: you draw your own bath? >> i draw my own bath on valentine's day. i do everything on valentine's day, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're just like one of us. >> what did you do? >> jimmy: i went to dinner. >> you didn't -- ♪ turn off the lights >> jimmy: i turned off the lights. everyone in the restaurant got mad. >> did you -- ♪ light the candles >> jimmy: i didn't light the candles. i plugged an airwick air freshener in. pretty close, right? but i wonder about the parties that you have. i can't even imagine what's going on at these things. i just can't imagine. what's the best thing that's ever happened at one of your parties? >> whoa. >> jimmy: the best thing that you can remember seeing or doing or -- hallucinating? [ laughter ] >> so, there's

and music from wallpaper. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. it's leap day, which means we've got an extra 24 hours to do whatever we want. and to celebrate, bmw has been kind enough to buy out all the national commercials tonight. so, we can bring you a lot more show. bmw appreciates that the one thing you can't buy these days is time. and yet, tonight, they have. we are skipping the first three commercial breaks tonight. that means you'd better go to the bathroom now, guillermo. where's guillermo? guillermo?, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh. >> i was about to drive to begas, in bmw's newest edition of the classic 3 series. you wanna come? >> jimmy: yes. but it's time for the show. >> don't be such a square, jimmy. bmw has gave us all this extra time. let's go do some blackjack. then, we will do the show. >> jimmy: i would love to go do some blackjack, guillermo. but that's not how it works. we're still doing the show, just with fewer commercials. >> but i'm wearing my lucky underpants. >> jimmy: that's fine. you can wear your lucky underpants in here. al

>> jimmy: yeah. >> [ mumbling quickly ] >> jimmy: "ask your doctor." >> all right. >> jimmy: yeah, that's: i was gonna ask you -- i have -- i have two questions. one is -- because i'm very interested in this -- is that you -- before comedy, you were in the navy. >> yes. >> i know i signed the paper saying i would serve my country. i was kind of serious about that. >> jimmy: yes. >> i didn't want to die. >> jimmy: no. >> so then they had boot camp, which is where they do a turn-around on you. they cut off all your hair. i don't care. but the man -- they didn't curse in those days. >> jimmy: oh, no? >> no, no. but they would get in your face. and this man said -- he says, i don't know what i did -- oh, yes, it was 04:30. and i made a mistake and said to him, "in the morning?" [ laughter ] and he went up and the cigarette was hanging and smoke was going like a -- and he says -- he says, "you, 150 pounds of maggot urine --" [ laughter ] i mean, there was -- >> jimmy: no cursing. >> no cursing. >> jimmy: no, no, "maggot urine." >> he was calling names, man. "you rat -- you rat ear wax." [ laug

jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh. wow. thank you so much. thank you. please -- thank you very much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. we're going to have fun tonight. oh, man, it was a -- it was a tough game for the new york knicks last night. jeremy lin went just 1 for 11 in their loss to miami. yeah, only one success out of 11 attempts. or, as newt gingrich calls that, primary season. [ laughter ] i don't know if you guys saw this -- during vice president biden's speech in north carolina today a man onstage kept falling asleep. [ laughter ] the worst part? it was actually joe biden. [ laughter ] and it was like, "wait a sec, this is -- we're here -- we're here for you." [ applause ] some tv news. last night on "jersey shore," the group went crabbing. [ laughter ] and jwoww seemed to be the best at catching them. [ laughter ] even the crabs were like,

jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that sounds great. you guys sound great. welcome to the show. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. it's going to be fun tonight. big show. hey, last night, the republicans had their 20th debate. and did you see this? rick perry was actually in the audience. [ laughter ] he was sitting in the audience. it got awkward when he stood up and he was, like, "i just remembered the third department i'd cut! [ laughter ] energy! energy! you guys go back to -- it was energy. that's what i --" the debate got pretty tense. at one point ron paul said that rick santorum is a fake, and santorum responded by saying, "i'm real." [ laughter ] and then romney was, like, "yeah, i'm a real human, too, ha ha ha. let's change the subject. [ laughter ] let's change the subject." did anyone see this? paris hilton just released a music video for her new

>> what's up, jimmy jam? >> jimmy: nice to see you, sebastian.ou. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all you have to do is just let -- the only thing you have to do is let sebastian here spoon you for 20 seconds. [ laughter ] and you could be our big winner tonight. >> okay. >> jimmy: you ready for this challenge? >> i'm ready. >> jimmy: sebastian, are you ready? >> i am now. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. go jump in bed with sebastian, and assume the position. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] it's all good. let him have his way with you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, my god. >> excited about the oscars? have you seen "the help?" >> no, i haven't. >> oh, it's a great movie. it's a great movie. it's the greatest movie of the decade. >> jimmy: almost done. almost done. [ buzzer ] time is up. time is up. you almost didn't want to get out of there! >> i know. >> jimmy: you did it, you completed the dude spoon. which means won! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you're tonight's winner! and as our big winner, you'll be receiving a check for $100 right there! congra

and here he is -- jimmy fallon!ers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. yeah. this is a great crowd already. i love it. >> audience member: jimmy, you rock! >> jimmy: oh, thank you so much, you guys. you guys, here -- let's get to some news, here, okay? there's some -- some 2012 election news. this week, it's very interesting, ron paul said it's too early to count him out as the republican nominee. [ light laughter ] seriously? that's like newt gingrich saying it's too early to count him out as an abercrombie model. [ laughter ] it's not gonna happen. [ applause ] >> steve: "i'm seein' a trainer." >> jimmy: this is exciting, you guys. the jackpot for the mega millions lottery has reached a record $500 million. [ cheers and applause ] or as mitt romney calls that, one more beach house. [ laughter ] this i