♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: jimmy baseball, man. >> steve: jimmy baseball.mmy. >> jimmy: no tie friday. >> steve: no tie friday. ntif. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, israeli prime minister benjamin netanyahu, for being re-elected to a fourth term, or as voters put it -- ♪ we want our bibi back bibi back bibi back ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: voters are big fans of chiles. >> jimmy: thank you, wichita state university mascot wushock, for looking like a a muppet gordon ramsey. [ ramsey impersonation ] donkey! throw a three pointer donkey! this isn't risotto! [ laughter ] >> steve: member of the wu-shock clan. ♪ >> thank you, espn college basketball analyst dick vitale, for planting a giant kiss on ashley judd this week. even joe biden was like, dude, boundaries. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, yeah. come on. oh, mr. vice president. >> jimmy: oh hi, mr. biden. ♪ thank you, the new bioengineered apples that are being described as genetically modified to resist browning. or as that's also called, being irish. [ laughter and applause ] hard to get a tan. hard to get a

>> jimmy: it's an action. >> action. >> jimmy: an action?e. >> jimmy: mountain. arm wrestle! >> arm wrestle! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> you got it from hers. >> jimmy: no! i got it from yours, no. i got it from yours. [ cheers and applause ] that's the way to do it. yours is great. ll, rose byrne, big sean. more "tonight show" after the break! stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i have a video i want you to watch and no matter what i need you to stay focused. don't take your eyes off of the screen. sfx: drill noise. sfx: puppies barking. wrestlers: ahhh!! grrr!!! owwweee! it's hard to stay focused. text message alerts from chevy let you send a text response at the touch of a button ... so you can focus on driving. this will make it a little easier to keep my eye on the road. its amazing. ♪ when laquinta.com sends craig wilson a ready for you alert the second his room is ready, ya know what he becomes? great proposal! let'stalk more over golf. great. how about over tennis? even better. a game changer! the ready for you alert,

>> jimmy: aah! >> guillermo: look, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, wow. mucho sexo, right? right? this. we'll go on a double date. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: hey, ladies, what are you doing tonight? [ speaking spanish ] >> tequila! >> jimmy: she did say pinata, you're right. >> guillermo: pinata! >> pinatas! >> jimmy: what's happening here? >> guillermo: oh my god, what's happening here? >> jimmy: this is how they make more pinatas. >> guillermo: wow. >> jimmy: there's so many. [ speaking spanish ] >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> guillermo: chucky! >> jimmy: it is chucky, wow. if we keep drinking i'm going to up-chucky here. you get it, right? >> guillermo: yeah, i do. [ speaking spanish ] >> pinatas? >> jimmy: oh, pinatas! it was funny before. now it's starting to become a problem. pinatas! >> guillermo: pinata. [ speaking spanish ] >> jimmy: giddy-up, now! >> guillermo: i'll take the pig. >> jimmy: come on little horse, let's get out of here. oh, i'm going to take guillermo with me too. >> guillermo: come on, my little pig. >> jimmy: grab my head, guillermo. all right, than

hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, how's it going?ere. >> jimmy: everything going well in london? >> yeah, it -- i thought of you the other week. no, i did. i come on and i usually tell you horrendous things that have happened to me or just things i've imagined. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but -- >> jimmy: that's why they love you. >> this is a true story, okay. last week, me and my girlfriend were invited to the american ambassador's residence in london. all right? lovely, lovely. we met them. they're great people. so -- but the story starts 30 years before this, to make sense. >> jimmy: it's fantastic already. >> yeah, yeah. settle down. [ laughter ] so, mid '80s, when i first met my girlfriend, the first time i was invited to -- >> jimmy: jane. >> jane, yes. >> jimmy: jane fallon. >> jane fallon. jane fallon. probably related back in the day. >> jimmy: yeah? >> probably 500 years ago. >> jimmy: probably are, yeah. >> a common, a great, great, great -- or a chimp. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, not a a chimp. [ talking over each othe

: four. >> four. ♪ >> jimmy: 25. ♪ >> 25. >> jimmy: 47. ♪ >> 47. >> jimmy: 52. ♪ >> 52. >> jimmy: 59.est. dan white! [ cheers and applause ] get tickets to the magician at nomadupstairs.com. more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. how did you do that? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ xfinity watchathon week. the biggest week in television history. it's your all-access binge-watching pass to tv's hottest shows, free with xfinity on demand. xfinity watchathon week. now through april 12th. perfect for people who really love tv. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was amazing. my thanks to kevin james, vanessa hudgens, dan white! [ cheers and applause ] the magician! and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

my belly button phone. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah.. i don't know what that is. i've never seen anything like that. yeah. >> it's terrible. >> jimmy: no, it's cute when you're four years old. >> is it. >> jimmy: well, it's also a a "twilight zone" episode. [ laughter ] it's both. >> jimmy: now, you have time off now, right? >> yes. we just finished the finale and i'm on hiatus and i'm very happy. >> jimmy: what do you do with time off? do you travel? do you do anything weird? anything fun? >> yeah. well, i came to new york to do this, thrilled. and i don't know. i mostly just look at the internet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you just look on the internet. and what do you find on there, anything? >> look at the internet, go on the netflix and pinterest. and i get a bad, bad idea from pinterest that i did to myself. >> jimmy: what is that? >> well -- >> jimmy: can you say? [ laughter ] >> yes. well, i, you know, i have to look the same for the show all the time. can't really cut my hair, can't do anything to myself. and i was looking at d.i.y

>> jimmy: yeah.no. will, wait. >> and all of you can buy -- >> jimmy: will, the opportunity to go out and buy, that's not a a big deal. that's nothing new. people, they could always do that. >> please, call me little debbie, all right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fine. little debbie. you must really enjoy these snacks. >> i sure do. in fact, i love them so much that if i close my eyes and eat something, i can tell you whether it's a tasty debbie delight or a plain baked potato. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. i mean, that's amazing. actually, that sounds pretty easy, though. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, you sound pretty stupid. [ laughter ] here, i'll prove it. give me a plate with a a little debbie's snack and a a baked potato. i'll close my eyes and tell you which one is which. >> jimmy: okay. >> do you have a plate? >> jimmy: yes, we do, actually. >> okay. >> jimmy: close your eyes. i'm going to swap this around. we don't know which one is on which side. one of these is a baked potato. the other --

>> jimmy: it does!y yank it away. >> jimmy: you're just normal. yeah, you're just a normal guy. >> it's too good. >> jimmy: congrats again on "veep." it's awesome. you've done -- [ cheers and applause ] you're now the president now. >> yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: are you -- now you're done shooting for a while, right? >> done shooting, yes, for the moment and um -- >> jimmy: and also your son is going to college. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's a bummer for you. >> well, no. it's wonderful he's going to college. >> jimmy: oh, it's great that he's going to college, but i mean like empty nest. >> the empty nest thing is really -- it's like, "how can this be happening to me, you know?" it's like that happens to old people. >> jimmy: yeah, and i'm not old. >> no, i'm not old. right? right? right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: of course. >> but it's -- you know, it's weird because now i'm going to have some time, you know? he's going away in the fall. and i'm thinking, "what am i going to do with my time?" >> jimm

>> jimmy: it's amazing. >> i love it. >> jimmy: thank you. >> it's the greatest ice cream ever. >> jimmyme serious stuff, here. [ laughter ] >> really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's what this show is known for, actually. >> jimmy: i'm one of the hard hitting -- >> i thought it was "meet the press." i can't believe -- what am i doing here? >> jimmy: i want to know, are you running for president or when are you going to announce you're running for president? what is going on? >> well, you know, i've got a a day job which keeps me busy. >> jimmy: yeah, i heard of that. >> as the governor of a small state of nine million people across the river but soon, you know i would say may or june we'll be letting everybody know what we decide. >> jimmy: yeah. and are you -- you're seeing other people come out there now. you have rand paul, jeb bush. >> he hasn't come out yet. >> jimmy: oh, he hasn't yet? >> no, he is still thinking about it. >> jimmy: yeah. so -- yeah. but hillary is out. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she is running. what do you think of these guys? >> all fine americans, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimm

>> jimmy: yeah.steve: rolls off the tongue. [ laughter ] did you guys see this? there was a massive power outage in washington, d.c., today. you heard about this? did you hear about this? it affected a number of the federal buildings, including the white house. when asked when they could restore power to the white house, officials were like "2016?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] actually, the blackout at the white house only lasted about 10 seconds. and then obama was like, "is everyone okay? what's going on? the transmitter must have blown or something. somebody smoking in here? get out of here, everybody." some more news out of washington. i saw the cia recently tweeted, "good riddance, carrie mathison." after it was announced claire danes' character was leaving the cia in the next season of "homeland." it's a real tweet from the cia. take a look. [ laughter ] the cia tweeted that. a lot of people were surprised the cia would have such a a strong opinion about a tv character. but it turns out

>> jimmy: yeah.ou guys see this? rand paul stopped by the "today" show yesterday morning to promote his new campaign. did you see this? it was one of his first interviews as an official candidate. and, well, let's see how he's doing so far. >> you once offered to drastically cut -- >> before we go -- before we go -- >> once drastically and wanted cut defense spending and now you want to increase it. >> why don't you ask me a a question, have i changed my opinion that -- >> have you changed your opinion -- >> that would be sort of a a better way to approach an interview. >> okay. thank you for your time this morning. appreciate it. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: al roker was like, "well, that was awkward. and i've pooped my pants in the white house. [ laughter ] and told people. and told everybody." [ laughter ] that was awkward. some celebrity news this week. taylor swift and lorde squashed rumors that they're fighting with each other. yeah. while they may not be in a a fight, t

#creative team thank you, soph and jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, but also -- >> they stole our idea. >> jimmyjimmy: no, your idea is hastag. >> hastag. >> jimmy: hastag, yes. >> it's easier. >> jimmy: that's not what they did. >> this -- >> jimmy: they did this, that's what i did with justin timberlake. we did -- either way i'm screwed. >> either way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean yeah, someone should pay me. >> royalties. >> jimmy: yeah, #give me every dollar you own, toyota. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: i also, well, i have a question for you. i have a thing to talk to you about. >> okay. what is that? >> jimmy: it's an instagram photo you sent out. this is a christmas thing. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: this looks like, is this a giant ball of flames? what is that? is that a giant fireplace? [ laughter ] >> let me begin by saying, nothing caught on fire at easter. so i'm doing better this holiday season. but yeah, we were exchanging gifts and my mom had just gotten the iphone 6 plus, which is the size of a spaceship and was zooming in on it to take a a picture of me opening a a present and didn't

give me a hug, jimmy.ile of leaves. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: it's like the gift of the magi. >> jimmy: we wore a lot of autumnal colors in our house. >> steve: yeah, so you didn't know if it was you, because it was camouflage. >> jimmy: i didn't know if it was me, my dad, or a pile of leaves. [ light laughter ] rust colors, stuff like that. oranges. check this out, you guys. south dakota -- i love south dakota. they have a new tourism campaign. this is real, by the way. we didn't doctor this up. they are trying to convince people to come to their state. and they're really playing to their strengths here. this is a real commercial. take a look at this. >> south dakota. progressive. productive. and abundant in oxygen. why die on mars when you can live in south dakota? south dakota, you can live here. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: what? you know you're struggling when the best slogan is, "south dakota, slightly better than dead." [ laughter and applause ] can you breathe here? why

jimmy, you got to squeeze it with your hand. >> jimmy: in here. >> you've done this before. >> jimmy: rag. >> jimmy: thank you. all right. >> we're going to pour it -- >> jimmy: into the browned pork. and then we let it cook? >> let it cook until it starts to boil. an hour and a half. >> jimmy: go crazy. >> as soon as the meat comes off the bone, it's done. >> jimmy: any basil in there? >> sinatra said the basil has to go in at the end. you know why? because it has that fresh flavor. pretend it's already cooking hour and a half, two hours. >> jimmy: a little bit of parmes parmesan? >> did your mother have parmesan when you were growing up? no. romano. salt, pepper. stay with me, jimmy. >> jimmy: i got you. >> salt, pepper. i forgot the onion. no big deal. it's live tv. >> jimmy: not like they can eat it through the tv anyway. >> get the book and it will teach you how to do it. >> jimmy: exactly. look at this over here, by the way. somebody's ready to go. >> this is italian-american thing. >> jimmy: this is what my grandmother used to do. >> you dip this in the gravy. you died and went

i adore you as well. >> i happen to love you, jimmy fallon. jimmy ingrid fallon. >> jimmy: ingrid.planes, yeah. >> it's not the weirdest spot. i mean, it's not a urinal in central park. but it's -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's true. but we also bumped into each other there as well. >> it's true. yes we do. >> jimmy: big scandal. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: big scandal. >> urine-gate. >> jimmy: that's right. but we both recovered from that. >> last time i ran into you on an airplane, you brought me burger king. it was like the nicest thing in the world. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he did. he brought me a bag of burger king. >> jimmy: well i was just -- i think i was -- was it late night, right? >> red-eye? >> jimmy: yeah. very late. yeah. so i think i had a few beverages -- >> a good healthy meal before. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i just went on and started throwing burgers at everybody. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: no, but that was good, right? >> that was very good. that was really nice. >> jimmy: you can't beat that. >> i was hoping you'd do a a little song and dance number, something to keep everyone happy

>> jimmy: oh, no.my monologue is the way it is. yeah, you see, yeah. >> your comedy was all garbled. >> jimmy: i tell you next thing i know i was -- so like i was saying, i was walking -- i go, "long setups." >> that explains everything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. yes, thank you. [ applause ] but you have two girls. i'm loving it so far. >> you've got little babies. >> jimmy: yes. i have a year and seven months and five months. >> you're still in the good stages. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i hear it gets trickier the older they get. >> they still like you now. so hold on to that. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. are you the good cop or the bad cop in the parents? >> we're both pretty equal. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's the one thing i love about my husband. even though he still travels, he comes in, he can enforce. he can -- you know. but the other day, the girls were trying to clue him in to what a group chat was on text. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: already this is making me laugh. i wish i had video of

>> jimmy: jimmy. >> kristin. >> brian. >> jimmy: how you doing? here we are.ns. >> thank you. >> jimmy: isn't this exciting? >> very. >> jimmy: show me around. maybe we'll get to work here planning this thing. >> cool. movies. go, brian. >> jimmy: yeah, go, brian. ♪ >> we're very proud of our large jerry lewis section that we have. we have the very popular canadian television section here. >> jimmy: what makes asian horror different from regular horror? >> more hair. >> they like wet-looking ladies with hair in the face. >> jimmy: here's one i remember from my youth. >> that's a good one. >> jimmy: hot dog the movie, primarily to see women topless. >> shannon twigg, right. >> in case you forgot. >> jimmy: you carry vhs? >> we never get rid of our vhs. >> jimmy: you rent none in a day? >> two or three a day. not a lot. >> jimmy: to the same guy? >> there used to be one guy only rented videotapes, then we all died when he got a dvd player. like, you were the guy. i think i know what i have to do. i think we have to show people what's special about this video sto

. >> jimmy: really?- i'm having flashbacks of how uncomfortable it was. just waking up and being in the scene and all your cast mates and i'm like, i'm dressed! how did this happen? >> jimmy: no, really. >> it was the most terrifying moment. but i love my cast. after the director said "cut" they all just kind of folded around me. it was just -- first of all, they were like -- i'm like, okay, i'm awake, i don't know, how many scenes have we done? it was really crazy. >> jimmy: will orite get a credit in the film? [ laughter ] >> orite has a love scene. >> jimmy: octavia spencer and her friend orite in the movie "insurgent." it opens march 20th. thank you very much for being here. we'll be right back with awolnation. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. [leaves rustling] are you day dreaming? hmm? yeah. about a luxury tree house? mmm hmm. with lookout decks for star gazing? yeah. cool! wait. how...? you've got the new instant game from the pennsylvania

>> jimmy: that is right! >> good job. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> tarzana. >> jimmy: that's not another country at all. do you know what it is named after? >> tarzan. >> jimmy: that's right. the guy who wrote it owned the whole town and named it tarzana. >> he was really into his trade. >> jimmy: i guess so. what are you doing? >> shopping. >> jimmy: all right. well, if you're in the market for a pie, we have one for you. give this woman an apple pie. yeah, there we go. [ applause ] you keep grabbing people and we'll check back in. earlier tonight on abc, i like walking at the camera. it's like i'm a local news reporter. earlier tonight on abc -- this is how they do it. earlier tonight on abc -- very special, special. something that touched me emotionally. the 10th anniversary celebration of "dancing with the stars." [ applause ] did the applause light go on? [ laughter ] they brought almost everyone back. they had -- oh, they had super bowl champions curt warner, michael irvin and jerry rice teamed up for a bromance dance. proved that football-r

♪ ♪ higgins don't you try that come on jimmy yo you do me that jimmy you go try that ♪ ♪ come on jimmy i give you another chance ♪ ♪ for you live another day hey your lyrics ain't no good enough ♪ ♪ when they talk they say pull it off ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: kick it! ♪ i'm mr. boombastic so fantastic i go to the store get the paper or plastic ♪ ♪ 10 items or less you know i look the best i'm got some rosary beads hangin' on my chest ♪ ♪ i'm gonna buy some skittles some skittles and ham gonna mix 'em all up ♪ ♪ with some strawberry jam put it all together in a plastic baggy and you know that's why ♪ ♪ they call me shaggy [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i'm going to step it up. i'm going to go old school on this one. watch out. [ shaggy rapping ] [ shaggy rapping ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ but she caught me on the counter i'm ribbity rapping shiggity shaggin' ♪ ♪ all the way to the bank i'm lyrically laughing saggy on the microphone ♪ ♪ feeling flabby ate an ice cream cone turn down the tv et phoned home ♪ ♪ i watch macaulay culkin and home alone going to hit up the club goin

it's amazing, jimmy.en years, they had me working the stockroom, said i wasn't front of store material. but now, look at me. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's great. and your bosses are cool with this? >> oh, totally. when my manager ashley heard i was being promoted, she just kind of stood there with her mouth hanging open. muttering, "i can't believe this is happening." i was like, i can't believe it either! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you must be pretty comfortable with your body to be one of those shirtless guys in front of the store. >> oh, i actually am supposed to have a shirt on, but i spilled some mustard on it earlier. [ laughter ] i do that a lot. >> jimmy: why don't you just buy a shirt from the store? >> oh, i can't afford the clothes here. no one can. >> jimmy: that's a good point. chad sheffield, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] chad sheffield. guys, this was not good here. i saw that blackberry is being criticized after it misspelled the word won in an ad celebrating a design award. instead o

jimmy: that's the jimmy kimmel promise.en rose! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you're welcome. ugh...you're the valet? yea, sorta the valet. both drive for a living, both like to save money on car insurance, and we both know you may not get this car back in the same condition. watch your toes. wo! ya boy... get it! sorta you isn't you. with drivesense from esurance, you can earn a personalized discount based on how you drive, not how someone sorta like you drives. you'll even get a discount just for signing up. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. transferred money from his bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined conn

>> jimmy: yeah.revolutionize the way you spray the side of your house with dog poop. it's going to be like -- [ laughter ] and your car and -- that's right, the makers of the roomba are working on developing a similar product that will be used as a lawn mower. when asked what they meant by similar to a roomba, the company was like "oh, it doesn't work." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, check this out. i read that bmw's new deluxe 7 series will allow drivers to simply press a button on their key fob to make the car park itself. [ audience oohs ] and because it's an expensive bmw, it will park itself across two spaces like an a-hole. [ laughter and applause ] it's a great -- and finally, another tech story here. intel recently revealed that they've created an army of spider robots that you can actually control just by moving your hands. check this out. >> got to make sure i do this right. >> jimmy: yeah, the end of the world's going to be fun. [ laughter ] there you go. we have a great show, everybody. giv

thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: no problem. >> testing.funk" by mark ronson featuring chris pratt. ♪ ♪ upset it's ice cold ain't feel bad but it's quite old this one but them ♪ ♪ drunk squirrels drunk squirrels that love ice cream crying while you ♪ ♪ snuggling up with the kiddies bugs on my cobbler bone got to kiss an elf named smitty ♪ ♪ too hot old man and a tired man too hot ♪ ♪ not spam whack a bag loose with a frying pan too hot ♪ ♪ jock jam my maiden name is o'houlihan i'm too hot ♪ ♪ john ham molasses in my tummy break it down got to go spit into a tuba ♪ ♪ got to go spit into a tuba got to go spit into a tuba ♪ got drunk with a ballerina because i got drunk with a ballerina ♪ ♪ because i got drunk with a ballerina ♪ ♪ drippin' with sweat we're in the funk christmas eve let's eat squash ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was great. amazing right there. >> thank you. thanks, guys. >> jimmy: set a high bar. set a high bar right there. now, my first song will be "stay with me" by sam smith. ♪ ♪ this is true i got nude in a min

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. we have such a big show for you tonight. you're not even going to believe it. so many stars are here tonight. but first, we're going to play a simple game of telephone to get things going, okay? here we go. the avengers are on the show tonight. >> okay. [ whispers ] [ whispers ] >> i have a rash -- >> oh, gosh. i don't want to see that. oh! [ whispers ] [ laughter ] >> i have a rash -- >> the diaphragm jelly is in my glove box? [ laughter ] >> how'd we do? >> jimmy: very bad. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live: the avengers assembled." tonight -- the cast of "marvel's avengers: age of ultron." with robert downey jr. chris hemsworth. mark ruffalo. chris evans. scarlett johansson. and jeremy renner. plus music from the war on drugs. with cleto and the cletones. and now, by odin's beard, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to see what will be a -- [ cheers and applause ] a super

and now, most likely, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you fare watching. thank you everybody for coming. we have a lot to get to tonight. it's a national show, an international show. every once in a while we have to think locally and tonight is one of those nights. the end of march, it's almost april, well into 2015. and yet there's a house not far from here. this house still has a lot of christmas deck races up. not just the lights. look at this. this is the house. very fistive. yoda, very traditional. today is march 25th. march 25th, christmas was three months ago. baby jesus is all grown up, he has his own apartment he lives in with his friends. if it's three months after christmas and you still have a reindeer on your lawn you'd better be dead in that house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so we tracked down the next-door neighbor of the person who owns the house. joining us now, let's go to the wall of america to welcome liz. [ cheers and applause ] hi, liz. thank you for talking to us. ho

>> jimmy: couldn't get cooler. >> jimmy: he's a cool human being. >> steve: coolest. >> jimmy: laterow, robert and i are going to have some fun with an emotional interview. [ laughter ] plus i can't wait to talk to this woman. she is a fantastic writer. one of my favorite people. fran lebowitz is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: already i'm laughing. she couldn't be better. and of course we have one of the biggest bands in country music, zac brown band is here! [ cheers and applause ] hot show. hot show to be back. guys, i always say are show's lucky to have the greatest band in late night. the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] but, it isn't always fun and games. from time to time we put the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it's time for "freestyling with the roots" let's hear it. ♪ time to freestyle with the roots ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey roots! you guys, ready to do this? >> the roots: yes! >> jimmy: alright, here we go, let's pi

] >> jimmy: so close. >> so close. >> jimmy: so close. >> so very close. >> jimmy: so close, almost -pplause ] if you can spell the word fund, you're probably not funding anything. >> jimmy: yeah, they left off the "d." >> they left off the "d." >> jimmy: congratulations, and i just heard the great news, just came out, breaking news, hbo picked you up for another two seasons. >> they did. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: so happy for you, man. we're going to be neighbors for a while, hopefully. >> yes. >> jimmy: hopefully. hopefully. we have jobs. >> we have jobs. we're not fired. >> jimmy: we're not fired. >> we're not fired. [ laughter ] yeah. that's the problem, i'm too british to kind of take any good news like that. >> jimmy: are you currently one? [ laughter ] >> still -- still -- i'm still from england, yes. >> jimmy: i have to ask because it's out there as well, "the daily show", jon stewart just announced that he's stepping down. >> i know. i know, amazing. >> jimmy: then i go, "well, i don't know, who could replace him?" do you have any -- >> well, i don't know, i owe tha

and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you guys? everybody all right? very exciting. thank you very much. welcome to the beautiful long center. we are on the road tonight. thank you. that's very nice. goodnight, everybody. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you. i really appreciate that. that's very nice, and oh, i'm going to say, how about this. gary clark jr. is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us. thanks to all of you. we really appreciate, thank you for lining up to get in here. and happy st. patrick's day, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] finally, an excuse for people here in austin to drink. today is st. patrick's day. and tomorrow is throw up in the little trash bin in your hotel room day. we have a cherished st. patrick's day tradition on our show, no matter where we are. i don't know how many years in a row we've observed this one. but the video you're about to see dates back to 2006. it happened about 600 miles w

>> jimmy: hey, dad. it's jimmy. >> honey, who is it? >> jimmy. >> what? >> huh? >> what? >> huh?huh? >> what? >> hand me the phone. >> jimmy: you know what? i have to go actually. >> pick up the one upstairs. >> jimmy: mom? >> just hand me the phone. >> jimmy: dad? >> i'm using it. >> jimmy: mom. >> give me the phone, now. >> jimmy: mom? dad? dad. >> huh? >> jimmy: mom. >> what? >> huh? >> jimmy: dad. >> huh? >> what? [ dial tone ] >> jimmy: all right, i tried. [ applause ] "stop doing that. we don't talk like that." [ laughter ] all right. i won't do it anymore. "what?" [ laughter ] >> steve: huh? >> jimmy: the phone's still on. >> steve: oh, you're phone's still on. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, hang up, sorry. >> steve: huh? >> jimmy: there were a lot of oscars given out last night. but people may not know this. there were also a lot of other awards that they gave out after the ceremony ended. let me show you a few. michael keaton did not win best actor but he did win the award for "outstanding performance in going through ten packs of juicy fruit." [ applause ] chewing it up. here's

right now on jimmy kimmle >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight dr. phil mcgraw manny pacquiao and music from chet faker with cleto and the cletones. and now, no need to worry, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. how are you? hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. glad you are here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: before we -- before we go forward, i want to -- i had dinner with a group of guys last night. i heard an interesting story i want to share from my friend dan, who lives in new jersey. he flew in to l.a. on an american airlines flight from jfk. he sat next to a guy who he described as a slightly thinner version of michael moore. so they sit through the whole flight. in the end when they got up, the guy says, buddy, i have to tell you something, you really need to do something about your feet, very strong odor. dan is like i do, really? and he guy is like, yeah, you do. first thing dan wanted to do is smell his own feet. he says he's the type of perso

good night, jimmy. >> jimmy: my mouth is bleeding. [ bleep ]. ♪ >> i want my money, jimmy. >> jimmy:o much. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i'll be thanking you later. thinking a ufo had landed. i didn't know what was going on. >> thanks for not killing us. >> jimmy: see you later. >> bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ bitch better have my money >> jimmy: i will admit that's not usually how you come to me in my dreams. and then all night rest of the night, i was hearing "bitch better have my money." what happened with the bitch, why does she owe you money? did you lend it to the bitch? was there a time period in which it was supposed to be paid back, the bitch was supposed to pay the money back? >> pending. wait for the video. >> jimmy: all right. >> all in the video. >> jimmy: i gotcha. when is your new album coming out? >> the new album is coming out very soon. >> jimmy: i see. >> i don't have a date yet. >> jimmy: okay. >> but i want it to be out like now. like i can't wait to send it out. [ cheers and applause ] i'm so anxious. >> jimmy: well, i'd love it if you could burst into my room an