>> jimmy: all right, lincoln logs. >> like that? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah? >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay. ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! this is an awesome game. this is the closest game ever. >> it's all right. >> jimmy: woo! oh! [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: everything was off. it was lame. i'm embarrassed. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, werewolf on a burrito. >> werewolf on a burrito. >> jimmy: come on, man. >> there we go. >> jimmy: yeah, you can do this one. come on. on the plate? on the plate? ♪ [ laughter ] [ sad tuba ] oh. judges? >> all right. >> jimmy: judges say absolutely not. >> now -- here we go. >> jimmy: come on, buddy. you can do it, man. >> there we go, there we go. >> jimmy: come on. oh! [ sad tuba ] all right, it's all down to this, the money ball. >> woo! >> jimmy: this is a boom box. please put on your protective goggles. >> oh, for this one. for what? >> jimmy: all right. all right. we're doing this. >> hold onto it. >> jimmy: you go first, put the cassette in. press play and throw the boom box. >> here we go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ audience claps ] ♪ >> jimmy: come on, that

>> jimmy: yeah. >> "why doesn't he say hi?" >> jimmy: nothing. >> nothing, no. >> jimmy: no. and then you didn't say hi? >> no, i didn't. i wanted to say hi. [ laughter ] i didn't say hi. >> jimmy: left it mysterious. >> dicaprio was saying hi. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, and he just won the academy award, so that's kind of a bigger deal. yeah. >> yeah, e was celebrating. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i just happened to be there. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. well, you did "breaking bad." >> yeah. >> jimmy: you nailed it. homerun. grand slam. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. you're just great. and then -- did you get just nervous? you go, "what am i going to do next? what am i going to do now?" >> yeah. yeah, because i always joked around saying it's all -- you know, it's all downhill from here. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know. which isn't a bad thing, 'cause "breaking bad" was such an iconic show. >> jimmy: no. you can't live like that. you're so young, and you're a a great actor. >> yeah, no i -- yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: actors act. >> actors act. but i read this, and i have this new show,

>> jimmy: yeah.it's not like -- james had it before. ♪ ♪ do we have the video? can we just show the song? >> steve: yeah, let's just see the video. >> jimmy: yeah, look at this video. this is the real video. dennis deyoung there, right. ♪ look at his finger, right there. he's doing the finger thing. >> steve: there's his elbow. >> jimmy: this guy's in his -- ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ >> jimmy: look it this. tommy shaw, what are you wearing? oh, i'm wearing my white unitard. you know what's up, dude. let's do this. what you got for lyrics, dog? he's like, "check this out, man. i'm about to. i'm about to. one, two, three, four. ♪ sitting on this bar stool talking like a damn fool got the 12:00 news blues ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i'm talking about. that's -- he got the -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that song gets me hyped up, man. >> steve: yeah. gets you rocking. >> jimmy: makes me want to go into the rocktagon, dude. >> steve: yeah. th

>> jimmy: they go way back. >> steve: they go way, way back. >> jimmy: way back. >> steve: wow. >> jimmylinton took several swipes at bernie sanders's voting record. con -- she took 400 swipes at a subway turnstile. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they get very, very hard. >> steve: they're hard. they're hard. >> jimmy: they're tricky. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: pro -- donald trump was born in queens. con -- his hair was born in the bronx zoo. [ laughter ] >> steve: really? >> jimmy: google it. >> steve: a cougar? >> jimmy: google it if you don't believe me. if you don't believe me, google it. >> steve: google it. >> jimmy: well, do it right now. >> steve: well, his hair was from a cougar from the brooklyn zoo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i just told you. >> steve: well, i didn't hear you. there was wax in my ears. >> jimmy: why was there wax in your ears? >> steve: i can't hear you, there's wax in my ears. >> jimmy: why can't you -- >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: why couldn't you hear me? >> steve: because there was wax in my ears. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, sorry. >> steve: donald -- you won't

>> jimmy: no.editing. yeah. giving birth to soccer ball after -- >> did he -- did he -- pretend like he was -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, we're gonna cut that. [ laughter ] >> i was gonna make a joke off of cleveland steamer. i'm not gonna do it. >> jimmy: you can't -- stop staying the word. >> oh, sorry. >> jimmy: we're editing. >> okay! no steamer. >> jimmy: don't say it. [ laughter ] don't say that. don't say that. >> not anymore. >> jimmy: i have -- >> don't start a cleveland steamers chant right now? [ laughter ] cleveland! [ clap clap ]e steamers! [ clap clap ]e cleveland! [ [ crowd chanting ] >> jimmy: stop doing that! >> and you know what you do at the end of the cheer? you go, "ugh!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, stop. >> sorry. >> jimmy: what's going on? what's going on right now? [ cheers and applause ] >> you want me to leave? >> jimmy: yeah. >> should i just leave? >> jimmy: i want you to leave. sorry, dude. will ferrell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ no! i don't want you to leave.

they inspire. >> jimmy: they inspire. >> they inspire. >> jimmy: you inspire. >> thanks. >> jimmy: you come out dancing all the time. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: you are actually a a great dancer. you should do more dancing. >> that's very sweet of you to say. i've been taking dance for a a long time. >> jimmy: you have. >> since i was a little girl. >> jimmy: yeah, we talked about this. >> i used to go, initially, just for the candy that they gave out at the end of class. [ laughter ] but then i continued to dance. i had this very inspiring teacher named larry maldonado. for anybody that's from my neighborhood in the bronx, he was our role model and he had an awesome substitute teacher named jennifer who would sometimes step in and teach. but then she left and moved to l.a. and be on "in living color." >> jimmy: jennifer -- the jenny from the block? >> i learned to dance from j. lo. >> jimmy: what? [ cheers ] >> so that explains everything. >> jimmy: so, that's cool. >> that's why i'm a really good dancer. >> it was like meant to be that i would be famous. >> jimmy: i mean, she was there

jimmy: no.jimmy: that is a -- yeah. yeah. that's like a nonspoiler. that's the worst spoiler any one -- [ laughter ] 'cause you only can understand that if you saw it. >> if you saw it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's an inside scoop for the real gladiators. inside joke. >> jimmy: the gladiators, i love those guys. but i was asking, like, how do you do all those intense scenes and what is it like doing those, you know, it's a very dramatic scenes on there. >> yeah. to be totally serious, i mean it's very challenging sometimes, but i have like a a secret weapon kind of coach who stands off to the side a a lot of the times in scenes. and i brought a picture actually because i feel like it could help some actors understand the process. >> jimmy: they can maybe see if they can hire them. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's these tiny dog there. [ laughter ] who is that? >> that's josie. >> jimmy: that's josie. >> her full name is josephine baker. [ audience aws ] and she helps me. like if i forget my lines. >> jimmy: s

>> jimmy: no, but -- >> jimmy, you're gonna -- you're special. you are special. >> jimmy: no. because i -- >> add laughter! >> jimmy: laughter! i was gonna say -- >> laughter. >> jimmy: right? it's proven. it's proven. >> proven. people who laugh, it's better for -- it changes your cells. it makes you healthier when you laugh. >> jimmy: so this whole audience here is going to live longer. [ cheers and applause ] you make me laugh, and you make me laugh. >> and by the way, your life is very purposeful because you live to make people laugh. >> jimmy: i do. thing. and so you're actually adding to people's lives. >> jimmy: naw. >> for mak -- having them laugh every single night. [ cheers and applause ] right? >> jimmy: i love making people laugh. >> thank you, jimmy, thank you. >> jimmy: i love making people laugh. thank you. it's a fascinating book. it's a great read. in fact, this is how cool cameron diaz is. everyone in the audience is leaving with "the longevity book" tonight. [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. come on! that's the way to do it. you guys, wh

"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight jessica chastain from "silicon valley," kumail nanjiani and music from "of monsters and men" with "cleto and the cletones." and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you to you all for coming. i get why you're in a good mood. today as you may or may not be aware is april 20th known as marijuana enthusiasts throughout the world as 4/20. it's the day on which people who regularly smoke marijuana continue smoking marijuana. there are a number of differing accounts of why 4/20 came to represent pot. no one is sure why. for a lot of time people thought it was a police code. it's not. people thought it was the number of chemicals. it's not. who would have known, no one can remember how it started. but it's important -- >> applause ]. >> jimmy: 4/20 is also the day hitler was born. make sure you go to the right party is all i'm saying. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i think for the applause, i applaud you for booing hitler. a lot of our viewers are at home right

i was like, "jimmy, you just had a baby." >> jimmy: yeah. but i had to do it. >> questlove: next night. >> jimmy: next night, i get a a text. 'cause yve must have given him my phone number. >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: i appreciate that. thanks for asking me. [ light laughter ] got a text. "hey, he wants to play you right now" at this ping-pong club called spin on, like, 20 something right here. it's susan sarandon's place, 's awesome. so i go -- i'm at dinner, and i go, "i got to go. prince just challenged me to a a game of ping-pong." so i show up. and i go to this ping-pong place. and i go down the stairs. and i go, "hey, i'm--" didn't know how to ask. i go, "i'm here to --" she goes, "here to see prince?" [ light laughter ] i go, "yeah, that's right, yeah. i'm here to see prince." she goes, "right this way. he's behind that curtain." i open the curtain. and prince is standing there wierth a double-breast crushed blue velvet suit, holding a a ping-pong paddle. and he goes, "you ready to do this?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] at's going on?

> jimmy: no.nd you're stealing the scene. >> none of which you're naming right now, i mean, it's unbelievable, it's great. >> jimmy: yeah. was that an impression of me? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not bad. [ laughter ] but it means it's amy schumer, tina fey, amy poehler. [ cheers ] >> some great people. yeah. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> so let me get thira all these funny people were in movies that you thought were funny. that's how it's supposed to go. >> jimmy: well, i know. but i didn't expect you to be funny. [ laughter ] [ booing ] no, no. i was just kidding. ♪ no, no, john, john. john, i was kidding. john, i meant your jokes. oh, no. john. [ laughter ] talk to me. son? son? son? ♪ [ laughter ] son? ♪ ♪ john talk to me let me know where your head's at now ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ you're my boy "you're my boy", >> you guys are really good sports, thank you. >> jimmy: you're my boy. dude, i knew you were going to be funny. you were just unbelievable in it. so that's, i just can't stop saying

>> jimmy: wilson! another example. >> steve: okay, good. >> jimmy: here's an ad for nbc's "the voice." that's a great show. [ cheers ] we love "the voice." all right. what's that in the corner? let's zoom in. it's ryan seacrest. [ laughter ] "will host for food." [ cheers and applause ] he's got a good sense of humor. and he's probably make -- >> steve: will host for food. >> jimmy: he's probably making a joke. >> steve: he's got to get two more jobs. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. well, here's another one, here. it says "employees must wash hands." a sign from a restaurant bathroom. zoom in, it says, "if a a customer's looking. if no one's around, who cares?" [ laughter ] >> steve: what?! >> jimmy: you see what i'm saying? >> steve: now i -- i think i might be grasping it. >> jimmy: yeah. hieroglyphics. look at those. >> steve: looks fantastic. >> jimmy: one of those drawings looks familiar. let's zoom in. it's bernie sanders. how old? >> steve: how old is he?! >> jimmy: how is that possible? >> steve: we do

jimmy fallon's night of invention. >> jimmy: now. now, i love inventions. and i'm okay with kids. so i got together with g.e. and we found some of the best and brightest kids out there. i think you're going t be amazed at what we came up with. let's meet our first inventor, co on oger here, kaden. come on over. [ applause ] hi, kaden. >> hello. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: how old are you and where are you from, kaden? >> i'm 11 years old and i'm from mt. clemens, michigan. >> jimmy: okay, welcome, welcome. i think i can guess, but what is your invention? [ light laughter ] >> it's the pocket hat. >> jimmy: the pocket hat? and what actually -- what does -- this is the hat here. the pocket hat? [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: i almost didn't know you were wearing a hat. [ light laughter ] now, what do i do here? you just put it on? is that the deal? >> there's a zipper on the top. and you can put stuff inside of there if you run out of room. >> jimmy: hey. [ applause ] >> jimmy: now, how did you come up with the pocket hat? with my mom, and i didn't ha

>> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> is that right? >> jimmy: yeah. they do call them jimmies. yeah.er ] but we could roll you in butter and -- [ laughter ] now we know what we're doing for jimmy's birthday. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we roll him in butter. it's a tradition. >> yeah. >> jimmy: man, i laughed so hard at your movie, you and ryan gosling. >> cool, man. >> jimmy: "the nice guys." we were talking -- the last time you were here, you were like, "i filmed this movie," and it's making me laugh, man. this is good. and you've never worked with him before, right? >> no, i hadn't worked with him before. i met him, though. are we going to keep the hats on? >> jimmy: might as well, i don't know. why not? [ cheers ] looks good. you can pull it off. >> oh, no, you shouldn't have applauded. [ laughter ] they must look really stupid. thank you. thank you for helping me and jimmy out. so, yeah, man, i just -- that kid, he's a genius. a comic genius. i mean, look, he'd probably hate me saying something like that, but seriously, he loves what he does. he always asks the right questions, he th

>> jimmy: no, it doesn't. >> jimmy: we refill it.right. >> do i drop them at the same time? >> stop talking. drop your first disk, cameron. >> jimmy: all right, come on, no, stay away from the middle. >> jager! >> go to the jager! go to the jager! [ cheers ] >> kale smoothie. >> jimmy: kale smoothie. i don't even know what -- >> now drop your second. >> ah! ♪ >> error, error, error, error. >> jimmy: it's trying to hurt me. >> no, that was such a -- got it. okay, ready. >> go ahead. [ audience oohs ] >> salsa verde. >> what is it? what is it? >> jimmy: salsa verde. >> oh those are two of my favorites. >> salsa verde and kale smoothie. >> i'll do those. >> jimmy: you will? >> yeah, you do whatever you get. >> jimmy: oh, really? perfect. are you kidding me? >> no, i'm not kidding. >> jimmy: oh g no, you have to it together. >> i will. this is like my dream. >> gross. >> this is my favorite -- this is like the best case scenario for me. >> jimmy: it is? oh you're the coolest in school, man. go for it. [ drums beating ] ♪ [ cheers and app

so jimmy, jimmy, listen. we're two-stepping. can i get something to two step >> jimmy: yeah, come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> put your hand on your -- >> jimmy: i added a third step. i added a third step. >> that's a fourth step. >> jimmy: i added a third step. i added a third easter egg, a a hidden step in there, yeah. speaking of giving, can i just say something before we even get into something like that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did something great with mark wahlberg for flint, michigan, all our friends over in flint. >> yes. >> jimmy: the awful thing that happened with the -- no water. they have no drinking water. you gave one million bottles of drinking water. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] that was through me and mark wahlberg's water company, aqua hydrate. but we got donations from wiz khalifa, usher, from michael strahan and ron burkle. we all did it together. it's about giving back, and flint. may this tragedy turn around. and god bless you and your families. >> jimmy: anything you can do, yeah, it would be great. [

>> you know, jimmy? >> jimmy: a lot in college?nd i have no intention of using the twitter hashtag you suggested. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, no. it's a good one. no one has taken it yet. for president, it just seems absolutely grueling to me. how are you even just standing right now, do you know where you are? i mean, every day you're doing 100 interviews. >> it is -- it's exhausting, but i'll tell you, i'm having more fun than i've ever had in my life. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, i've probably got a screw loose, but it is -- it is amazing. i mean, you're on the road nonstop. you know, i was up earlier today at charlie's butcher shop up in buffalo. [ applause ] and -- had a fantastic sandwich there, visiting with people there. started out meeting with delegates, we're on the road, flying all around. >> jimmy: what's the best food you've had since you've been around campaigning? >> the best food -- listen, actually the beef sandwich i had today at charlie's butcher shop if you're in buffalo, go visit charlie, it's awfully good. [ app

>> i'm persian from iran. >> jimmy: from what? >> iran. >> jimmy: iran? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. of the less-hairy guys in iran? >> actually, i'm not that hairy. >> jimmy: yeah, not that hairy. what are you doing, here on vacation? >> i've come from norway. i'm an instructor of offshore drilling control system. >> jimmy: you came from norway, that threw me off. that norway thing can sometimes throw me off the scent. i'm like a dog in that way. and you're here doing what? >> i'm instructor, i was in houston running some courses, training courses. now took a vacation afterwards. >> jimmy: i don't understand anything he's saying. >> sal: he's talking about horses. >> jimmy: give him a pie and send him on his way. thank you, cousin sal. thanks everyone for playing "foreigner or not." there you go. tonight on the show music from locash. from "daredevil" jon bernthal is here. and we'll be right back with kristen bell. so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ...like greasy, fast food. treats your body... you'd have to walk everywhere. so instead treat your body to all-white meat chic

>> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh!verybody! hello, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] hi! welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] great new york city crowd. hot crowd. oh, makes me feel good. good to see you guys. we're gonna have fun tonight. this is a good show. this is a great show to be at tonight. this is the one. this is the one to watch. >> audience: yes it is! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: well, here's what everyone's talking about. of course, yesterday was super tuesday. and it looks like it's gonna come down to donald trump versus hillary clinton for the presidency. even the alien and predator are like, "this is too scary to watch." [ laughter and applause ] that's right. donald trump won the most states of the republican candidates yesterday, but ted cruz also picked up enough delegates to keep the race close. that's right. experts say they're now necks and necks. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that's a tight race. >> j

jimmy.y is the best guy. i love him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's like we're playing tennis or something. we should have gloves. we can have a catch next times. how many photos have you taken over the years? >> six months ago it was 10,000. like, allen, allen general. >> jimmy: yes, ellen degeneres. >> i say can i take picture. she say i watch you. >> jimmy: in a way, you have become a celebrity yourself. >> you make me famous, jimmy. thank you so much. god bless you. >> jimmy: let's look at some of the photos and take us through where you met this person. we'll start with this famous woman. who is this, yehya? >> this is a comedian lady. >> jimmy: she was on saturday night live. what's her name? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: no idea, huh? >> no. i don't know the young kids. you know? >> jimmy: i'll give you a hint. it starts with an a. >> allen? >> jimmy: yes, allen. that's allen funt. he used to host candid camera. >> i forget. i don't know. >> jimmy: let's go to the next one. do yo

>> jimmy: sticks. ohh! on a bar stool talking like a damn fool got the 12:00 news blues ♪ >> jimmy: sorry, sorry. sorry, i don't know what came over me. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know what came over me. that just -- that happens when i hear that song. i have to cape it up. yeah. >> steve: got to cape it up. why would you not cape it up? >> jimmy: superman versus batman, yeah, what do they have in common? >> steve: capes. >> jimmy: thank you. [ laughter ] spoiler alert. that's what happens at the end. oh, my bad, you wear a cape, too? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we're all good. let's talk about this, have a a drink. >> steve: let's go have some krypton drinks. >> jimmy: yeah, let's not bring up kryptonite. we'll just be cool with that. >> steve: don't talk about robin. >> jimmy: you wear a cape, i wear a cape, that's something not many have in common. >> steve: no. and it bonds them. >> jimmy: it bonds them, absolutely. [ laughter ] yeah. we have adam levine and we have michael shannon on tonight. [ chee

>> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on.makes you feel so good. that's what i'm talking about. welcome. this is a hot new york city crowd tonight. hey, welcome, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. oh, i love you, too, sir. well, here's what everybody's talking about. after weeks of back and forth, bernie sanders and hillary clinton have finally agreed to hold the debate in brooklyn next thursday. [ cheers and applause ] you know you're in new york when you have to argue over the date of when you're going to argue. [ laughter ] "oh, see you next wednesday. i can't do wednesday. thursday!" [ laughter ] that's right, bernie sanders and hillary clinton have agreed to meet for another debate next thursday at the brooklyn navy yard. bernie said he chose the location because of its history while hillary liked it because it's remote, poorly lit, and close to the east river. [ laughter and applause ] see ya there. and hillary clinton's top aide huma abedin, who is ma

. >> jimmy: love him.hink o.j. really did it?" john travolta commented, "it's a complex case, but the evidence seems convincing." david schwimmer commented, "i honestly don't know." o.j. simpson commented, "100% yes." >> steve: wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all the time we have for "tonight show" facebook comments. we'll be right back with melissa mccarthy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ the nissan rogue with intuitive all-wheel drive. take on the unexpected. ♪ woo! ♪ ♪ i'm in heaven. ♪ ♪ a-aaah. yea yea. that's socially acceptable. on what you do, that's fine. or - you can put an exclamation point on it! like new chips ahoy! soft chunky cookies. they're soft and chunky... ...but also soft and chunky! made with - ♪ ♪ he'll take my arm. ♪ ♪ when we're walking, ♪ ♪ rolling and rocking. ♪ woo! ♪ ♪ ooow! and to connect us with thes twonderment of nature. with the tiger image, the saliva coming off and you got this turning. that's why i need this kind of resolution and computing power. being able

>> jimmy, truth. >> jimmy: what is your weirdest habit?iddle of the night. >> jimmy: really? >> i get up a lot at three or four in the morning, eat a a protein bar, and then i'll floss. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you, really? that's totally unbelievable. what protein bar? >> i don't really want to give them a shout-out. they haven't given me any free bars. >> jimmy: all right, all right. [ light laughter ] >> i learned that lesson the hard way. >> jimmy: oh yeah, smart. >> okay, do i get to ask you a a question? >> jimmy: yes, please. >> okay, what's the biggest lie that you've ever told? >> jimmy: that i hate wearing thongs. [ light laughter ] your turn. chelsea, truth or truth. >> truth. >> jimmy: where do you see yourself in ten years? >> hopefully alive. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> what if i have another stroke though? >> jimmy: that's your thing now? you keep coming -- you're the one that put that out there. >> okay. what was the name of the first girl that you -- whose boobies you felt? [ light laughter ] >> ji

patience, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. glad you're with us. we're excited. this is an exciting night. the beautiful and brilliant bill murray is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we're very lucky to have him here. bill as legend has it, bill murray is harder to find than a woman in l.a. who's not wearing yoga pants at trader joe's. bill's here to promote "the plays mowgli, he's 12 years old, neel sethi is here with us. and music from twenty88 consisting of big sean and janay ike co. it's april fools' day moments from now. i have a fun tradition. every april fools' day i sue my parents. i have them served with papers. i take legal action against them. this year i'll be suing them for child support. i'm their child and i'd like hey, this is something you're going to be hearing a lot about the next several days. a bombshell revelation made just a couple of hours ago that could make you question everything you know about the state of ameri

jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you! oh, oh! that's what you want. welcome, everybody, welcome, welcome, welcome. we thank you very much for being here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] it's a big show tonight. thank you so much. here's what everyone is talking about. i saw that donald trump and ted cruz feuded this week. [ laughter ] that's something new. that's something new, yeah. >> jimmy: they were feuding this week after an attack ad featured a nude photo of trump's wife, melania. [ audience oohs ] and trump threatened to retaliate against ted cruz's wife, heidi. [ audience oohs ] and while trump and cruz were arguing, melania and heidi quietly escaped. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, donald trump is furious over an ad featuring a a nude photo of melania trump. trump's mostly furious because it's the first time he's seen melania naked in years. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and listen to this, i read that the state department is having to hi

>> jimmy: no.er ] he goes, "i'll only do friday, saturday, sunday." >> steve: only friday evening. >> jimmy: friday evening, yeah. not during the day. guys, it's our last day in los angeles. it's been such a great trip. everybody has been so nice and made us feel at home. i'm really thankful. so i thought, if it's cool with you guys, i'd like to write out my weekly thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. thank you so much. hey, james? james? can i get some thank you note writing music, please? james? there he is. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he's in such a great mood all the time. >> steve: angry entirely. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, donald trump, for constantly getting into feuds, going on twitter rants and saying that you're the best. you're basically the white kanye west. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] same dude. >> steve: he's the same dude. somebody's got to do it. >> jimmy: yeah. thank you, los angeles, for somehow having the most skinny people and the most doughnut shop

>>> and now abc's jimmy kimmel live. >> dicky: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- harrison ford, elizabeth olsen, and music from cam. with cleto and the cletones. and now, moving right along, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. winter is over. spring is here. can you feel it? do you feel that springiness that a new season brings? it's almost like, hey, it's almost like your heart is bopping around on a pair of skechers shapeups, right? tonight to welcome spring the way it should be welcomed we have a special treat. our first annual baby animal parade. let's bring out the animals! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this little pig is named jolly. jolly rolling around in her own vehicle. hello, jolly. how you doing, jolly? this is donald the duck. hello, donald. look at him go. oh, a baby goat. this is a baby goat. her name is tubby. bye, tubby. and finally -- oh, what happened? did a car stall out? oh, wow. [ cheers a

>> jimmy: hot crowd tonight. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ cheers ] i'm your host, jimmy fallonnt to thank everyone watching from home for tuning in. if you're watching from your bed, get comfortable. and if you're watching from an air mattress, hang in there, jay-z. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: hey! ho! hey, hey! >> jimmy: everybody's talking about this. on saturday, beyonce released a a surprise album called "lemonade", where she directs some of her anger at her husband, jay-z. yeah. an entire album where she yells at her husband. or in other words, looks like hillary's found her running mate. [ cheers and applause ] we're good. >> steve: woo! >> jimmy: the election is heading into the home stretch, and it seems like the whole world is watching. in fact, i read that sales for donald trump pinatas have been soaring recently. [ light laughter ] or as donald trump put it, "told you i could make the mexicans pay for something." [ laughter ] "i knew i could do it. pinatas." [ cheers and applause ] speaking of trump, apparently four out of donald trump's five airplanes are mo

>> i'm jay. >> connie. >> jimmy: what? >> jay. >> jimmy: and? >> connie. >> jimmy: okay. i'm sorry.know why i didn't get that the first three times. jay, that's some shirt you have on there. very hip. skulls and everything. >> had that a long time. i had to dig it up. >> jimmy: how long have you had that shirt? >> 15 years. >> jimmy: can i have that shirt when we're done with this? >> of course. >> jimmy: i like this guy already. how long have you been married? >> 25 magical years. >> jimmy: how many good years in >> i'll let him answer. >> they're all great. >> jimmy: all good years. he's no dope. i'm going to ask you a question, kind of like the newly wed game in a way. do not share your answer with each other. don't show each other what you're writing. just write it down and be honest and we'll go from there. okay. >> i think they get it. >> jimmy: the question is how many times per month do you have sexual relations? sex. and i mean with each other. [ laughter] just want to be very clear -- jay is writing a paragraph. >> i hope we have enough ink. >> jimmy: he's writing a letter

bill murray is on jimmy >>> and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- bill murray -- from "the jungle book," neel sethi -- "this week in unnecessary censorship" -- and music from twenty88 with cleto and the cletones. and now, thank you for your patience, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. glad you're with us. we're excited. this is an exciting night. the beautiful and brilliant bill murray is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we're very lucky to have him here. bill as legend has it, bill murray is harder to find than a woman in l.a. who's not wearing yoga pants at trader joe's. bill's here to promote "the jungle book," as is the kid who plays mowgli, he's 12 years old, neel sethi is here with us. and music from twenty88 consisting of big sean and janay ike co. it's april fools' day moments from now. i have a fun tradition. every april fools' day i sue my parents. i have them served with papers. i take leg

. >> jimmy: i see.e. [ laughter ] >> she's backstage. >> jimmy: i mean -- >> no. japan is very specific in everything they do, and even -- do you know the hostess bars there? >> jimmy: no. cup cakes? >> no, basically it's either girl or guy hostess bar. >> jimmy: what does that mean? >> you go in and sit with the host or hostess and order as much booze as you can and drive up the bill. >> jimmy: they flirt with you? >> they'll flirt with you, but it's all very polite. they just want to drive up the bill. we found this one place that they didn't care if you ordered any booze at all. it was hostesses that were very reuben-esque. you know, large, beautiful women, and they just wanted you to buy them food. [ laughter ] >> hamburgers, french fries, but the crystal bottle at that place was a two foot tall chicken tower. >> jimmy: this is your picture? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you ordered this and you ate it or they ate it? >> that is mayonnaise. they eat it in front of you. they perform a song, and then they play a