keep your eyes closed, jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy, io move this a little bit towards you, a little bit closer. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, if it's a crab, i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy, i want you to slowly put your hand inside that box. okay? >> jimmy: man, oh, man. >> slowly put your hand inside. but as you do that, as you do that, i want you to imagine, i just want you to imagine that you are getting hungry. okay, as you do that, i want you to imagine you're getting hungrier and hungrier. so go down right now. go down. this is a smaller object so you might have to go a little bit further down. i want you to imagine that you're getting hungrier and hungrier until you feel something. you feel something? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, okay. i want you to pick it up. i want you to pick it up. feel around, feel all around, get a good idea of what that thing could possibly be. [ light laughter ] you have an idea? >> jimmy: uh -- maybe, yeah. >> okay, all right. i want you to take your hand out of the box. take your hand out of the box. >>

>> jimmy: uh-uh, the president -- >> not love, but to -- >> jimmy: hate! >> yes. >> jimmy: haters!and applause ] >> steve: oh, check this out, i'm old-timey! >> old-timey mustache man. >> steve: yeah, what's it called? >> it's a -- it's a mustache. >> steve: yup, but what kind -- >> a -- a handle bar mustache! >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, if i'm like giving you attitude -- [ buzzer ] >> steve: oh, no! [ applause ] no! >> jimmy: what are we going to do? the winners right there. andrew garfield and steve higgins. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ throwing shade. i'm sorry about that. >> it's okay. no, please. i beat -- >> jimmy: we did well. [ applause ] >> steve: you did good! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. ks rachel brosnahan. we're talking to andrew after the break, stick around everybody. haters gonna hate. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ -if you told me a year ago where i'd be right now... aah! ...i would have said you were crazy. but so began the year of me. i discovered the true meaning of paperless discounts... and the indescribable rush of saving d

>> we were go west, jimmy. >> jimmy: you are wrong!ave a video to prove it! >> jimmy: you have a video to prove that we were go west? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i don't need to fall at your feet just 'cause you cut me to the bone ♪ ♪ and i won't miss the way that you kiss me we were never carved in stone ♪ ♪ if i don't listen to the talk of the town then maybe i can fool myself ♪ ♪ i'll get over you i know i will i'll pretend my ship's not sinking and i'll tell myself i'm over you ♪ ♪ cause i'm the king of wishful thinking king of wishful thinking i am the king of wishful thinking ♪ ♪ ♪ i refuse to give in to my blues that's not how it's going to be and i deny the tears in my eyes ♪ ♪ i don't want to let you see no that you have made a hole in my heart and now i got to fool myself ♪ ♪ i'll get over you i know i will i'll pretend my ship's not sinking and i'll tell myself i'm over you ♪ ♪ cause i'm the king of wishful thinking king of wishful thinking ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ no i will never never shed a tear for

>> jimmy: oh, yeah.ks to france. >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] a lot of steps in your fitbit. [ laughter ] listen -- pinto, there's something i have to tell you. >> can we eat our bread already? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. we're done with dinner. >> oh, we're done. >> jimmy: we were finished with dinner, yeah. >> oh, yes. i said that earlier. >> jimmy: check please! [ laughter ] it's going well. i have something to tell you. >> okay. god, i'm nervous. what is it? >> jimmy: okay -- here goes nothing. >> yeah? >> i live with 52 untrustworthy rhinos. [ laughter ] >> oh, [ bleep ]! ah, dagnabit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i understand your reaction. a lot of people respond that way. >> no -- no, i'm just glad you're being honest. you know i really like you, popeye. [ light laughter ] it's not just 'cause you have nice ears. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this feels right. >> yeah. hey, listen, valentine's day is almost here. do you mind if i, if i recite my favorite valentine's poem? >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. i would l

and now, not only that, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. hola.elcome to the show. thanks for coming. it is oh, tonight, thank you very much, tonight marks the end of the carnival season, it's mardi gr gras, this might be our fattest fat tuesday yet. tomorrow is ash wednesday, the beginning of lent i don't know what to give up this year either my faith in humanity or fraps. this episode debuts of what will be first of many, many editions of the bachelor winter games, it's olympics meets "survivor" meets herpes. taking people from the bachelor and bachelorette from this country and others like the zika virus it's spread to other country so bring people from germany, japan, canada, et cetera and force them to ski and many of them do not know how to ski so basically it's like watching people fall and have sex. and no winter games would be complete without an opening ceremony. ♪ the winter games ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, are we on? oh, my goodness, you know, you don't typically expect to be moved by a sporting event but that rea

"what one may do with one's sword." >> jimmy: fall on. >> fall on >> jimmy: fallon. >> fallon. >> jimmyand applause ] >> jimmy: that's why you're good at this! i'm awful. i'm terrible at crosswords. >> no, you got it. what are you talking about? >> jimmy: i can't do -- i can't do crosswords. what's the easiest day, monday, right? >> yeah, you start with monday. >> jimmy: trouble. trouble for me. >> when you reach your 70s, you're up to saturday, like me. >> jimmy: were you ever bad at crosswords? i try to do it all of the time and i go -- i just feel like an idiot. >> i don't know. crosswords. you're always a little embarrassed to even confess that you do them. [ laughter ] because it's such a pointless waste of time. >> jimmy: do you do them in pencil? >> no, no. i do them in ink. >> jimmy: you're ink all the way? >> as a matter of fact, i even have the "new york times" app. i do them on my ipad. i check out my average. it's just totally embarrassing. >> jimmy: no, that's fantastic! i love hearing that. [ laughter ] >> what a waste of life. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i love it. >> on

>> jimmy: is that right?e ice. >> jimmy: oh, of course. that's a hard thing to do on the ice, yeah. >> a little nippy. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: shirtless, yeah. you can kind of tell how cold it was. [ light laughter ] how are the kids, how is the family? you've got two little girls. they're just the best, right? >> love of my life. awesome, awesome. >> jimmy: a photo of you, 'cause you're a tough guy in all their movies, a big action hero, but then when it comes to the babies, here's your daughter painting your nails. [ audience aws ] that's exactly what you've got to do, right? >> yes, very nice. yes. >> jimmy: you have to do that kind of stuff. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i also saw a photo of you -- i mean, a video that your wife posted of you making your kids laugh. i do anything to make the kids laugh. >> it's a crazy little funky game we like to play upstairs on the third floor. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> stinky toes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, now how do you -- stinky toes. >> stinky toes. >> jim

jimmy. jimmy, who? jimmy some food, i'm starving." how's that?>> jimmy: pretty good. this one is from benjamin, age 10. it says, "dear jimmy, i love your show and i challenge you to a dance-off. invite me to your studio and i could beat you in a dance-off. here's a picture of our dance-off. you are sweating and i'm still going." [ laughter ] look at this. can we see picture? look at the picture. [ laughter ] this one is from izzy, age 12. it says, "what's up? my name's from izzy, i'm from england, u.k., and i love your show. no offense, i've never watched the full show. [ light laughter ] don't worry, it's not your fault. it's just that in the u.k. we don't have american talk shows unless we pay. so once again, no offense, not worth the money." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? izzy! what? izzy-burn. >> jimmy: yeah. "got to get going. nice talking to you, bye." thank you, izzy. no -- no offense taken. >> steve: no. [ english accent ] >> jimmy: not worth the money. >> steve: not worth it. >> jimmy: no, thank you. [ light laughter ] >> stev

kramer." >> jimmy: yes. >> "silkwood." >> jimmy: yes. >> "sophie's choice." >> jimmy: yes. >> oh, godmmy: that one wasn't in there either. >> okay. "out of africa." >> jimmy: yes. >> um, "cry in the dark" maybe? >> jimmy: no. >> why? why? >> jimmy: you were robbed. you forgot the first one. you remember the first one? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? >> yes. >> jimmy: they say you always forget your first one, right? >> the first nomination? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i thought that was "the french lieutenant's woman." >> jimmy: no, it wasn't. that was the third. it was "the deer hunter." oh, i'm so sorry. i'm going to have to keep this oscar for myself. but that's okay. you probably have enough. >> oh, damn. >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry you didn't win but -- >> i'm sorry my mike popped out. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm sorry it all happened. it's okay. it will be all right. you know what? we'll do it again live at the oscars. you practice. >> okay. >> jimmy: we'll see if you can win the prize that night. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. congratulations. thank you so much for coming. it is alway

this job is really hard, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you.lar table, and all the guys were -- they had all the jokes on little file cards, and they would read them, and some would be like, that's really funny. but most of them were like, that's not really that funny. >> jimmy: it's tough. i mean, trust me. i read not funny every night. [ laughter ] there are -- >> no, it's hard. it's really hard. but it was fun -- >> jimmy: do you remember any of the jokes at all? >> yeah, well, yeah. i remember some. some are totally inappropriate at this point, you know. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. yeah. >> one in particular about willard scott, which i won't get into. but one was really funny, because i had done a a colonoscopy a few years earlier on "the today show" -- >> jimmy: i remember. >> to raise awareness about colon cancer screening. and jay was interviewing colin powell, who at the time i think was secretary of state. >> jimmy: i see where you're going with this. >> do you see where i'm going with this? >> jimmy: no, it's great. no, i'm excited ab

>> jimmy: i can't.redator is coming he'll roll into a nice ball like that. >> jimmy: it why does he sound like he's about to explode? >> that's part of his defense. he wants to remind you, he's not really good at fighting away predators in any other way except for poking with quills. he makes a noise, jumps and hopes the predator goes that's too spiky. >> jimmy: do the quills jump off his body is it. >> no. >> jimmy: and porcupines, can they throw theirs? >> no. everyone thinks they can but they cannot. >> jimmy: because we watch cartoons. >> i always try to tell people, these don't make good pets. all the animals you see me bring out, they're gun pets. this is one where people think they're awesome pets, they're nocturnal, they don't want to play with you during the day. >> jimmy: but on late-night shows they like to be -- >> they don't mind because they know they're going to get tons of snacks. when they come here they get overfed. >> jimmy: this is what the flintstones used to use to clean their pots

>> no jimmy? >> jimmy: what!h. >> no i am not. >> jimmy: wait a minute, daniel, you're the one. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. >> you can't see it but he's been chewing on his tongue for few minutes. here's thin mints everybody. >> jimmy: girl scout cookies everybody. let's bring in one more group to see how it goes. wow that was. oh, my god. now wait are you guys twins. do you know each other. >> nah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, geez. i feel like i'm high now. >> that's good. >> jimmy: when you saw each other you're like let's hang out all the time. >> every day. >> jimmy: bobby where you from. >> i'm from philadelphia. >> jimmy: hey congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: were you happy, were you watching the super bowl. >> yeah i was watching it. >> jimmy: seem pretty fired up what do you do for work brobby. >> i'm an artist i make paintings and artwork at home. >> jimmy: where else would you make them. >> anywhere i want. >> jimmy: okay. all right. let's keep going, now aaron what do you do for work aaron.

>> jimmy: i play the clarinet. >> you do? >> jimmy: yes.by. i don't know who that is. that's not me. >> that's a nice ring. >> jimmy: why was i wearing a ring? i don't know what that was. [ laughter ] >> it's beautiful. >> jimmy: i was engaged to my clarinet. yeah. >> i feel like the clarinet is like diet saxophone, it's the light version of a saxophone. >> jimmy: it's the version of the saxophone that results in you never losing your virginity is what it is. [ laughter ] it's the celibate version of the saxophone. >> it looks good. you wore that really well. >> jimmy: what band were you in? marching band? >> i was in jazz band and then intermediate band. yes. oh, yeah. is there a saxophone player? did i insult -- >> jimmy: cleto was the star of our jazz band. in fact, that's really what attracted us to each other. >> that's beautiful. we didn't have actual shows though. we ended up playing like at macy's -- >> jimmy: well, that's a show. >> awkwardly. in the like bra section. with our jazz band. >> jimmy: were you good at it? >> i couldn't

we want everyone to win. >> jimmy, jimmy.my god, i could never do that. >> jimmy: timothée, you -- you start. [ talking over each other ] >> okay, here we go. and -- >> okay, wait -- >> oh, god, you hit it. >> go, go, go! >> okya, all right. a -- a smelly -- >> stink eye. pink eye. >> yes, stink eye. >> okay. >> don't give me that one. give me this. okay. not long trousers. >> jimmy: shorts. >> yeah, and they're really -- >> jimmy: short shorts. >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. [ laughter ] i mean, it's not that i know that -- >> you don't wear that. >> it's a movie and it's -- what lights do. what do lights do? >> uh -- flash. >> stars! >> "stars wars." uh -- "star trek." >> two words, and it's what lights and stars do. >> um -- flashing lights. >> no, no, no. >> flash eyed, star eye -- give me, give me! >> okay, okay. >> what does light do? [ beeping ] >> black lights also do this. >> i -- star -- i don't know! what it -- what could it possibly be? >> flashlights do this -- [ talking over each other ] [ buzzer ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, chris

jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hi. i want to know how you're doing. >> i'm okay, i'm alive, that's the most important thing. >> jimmy: to be honest, you don't look okay, your arms and legs appear to be missing. >> they are not missing, they are right over there. >> jimmy: all right, well, you seem to be taking this very well. >> it's not too bad. i lost weight. >> jimmy: you lost weight. well, god bless you for looking on the bright side of this situation. not many people can do that. i'm glad you're okay. sorry you can't take selfies anymore. i guess that's the worst part of it. >> i can still take selfies, i just need to use this stick. cheese! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. this guy's got the worst luck. we're going to take a break. [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, my cousin sal meets cirque du soleil and in this week in unnecessary censorship too. so stick around. we'll be right back. ♪ [ applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] lobsterfest is back at red lobster... with the most lobster dishes of the year. new d

jimmy: you're on "agents of shield". >> i am. >> jimmy: this season you're in space. >> we are. >> jimmyplayed clarinet in high school. what's going on this season. >> we're shooting our hundredth episode. we've done a hundred hour jooz wow that's a lot. >> i know. i started the show when i was 20. i'm 26 now. >> jimmy: the show is stealing the best years of your life. >> i can't date. i'm not good at anything. >> jimmy: who are you going out with? >> no one it's a secret. if it doesn't go well -- >> jimmy: guillermo follow her hope. >> i will. >> jimmy: it's great to have you here. hundredth episode. returning to abc march 2nd, chloe bennet everyone. right back with monica. >> announcer: "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz, the best or nothing. or nothing. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it's just my eczema again,t. but it's fine. yeah, it's fine. you ok? eczema. it's fine. hey! hi! aren't you hot? eczema again? it's fine. i saw something the other day. eczema exposed. your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. ma

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host.hank you for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us. on this after the final, post valentine's day. i tell you something, i had a weird valentine's day. my wife and i went to dinner last night, we put the kids to bed and tiptoed out. they never knew the sitter was there, it was beautiful. we went out late, had a very good meal at an italian restaurant, we sat outside, a very pleasant night. a prie fixe meal, it was good. somewhere between -- it was somewhere between the main course and dessert, behind my wife, a rat ran down the wall. [ laughter ] and into a planter. then back up and back over the wall and disappeared. and man oh man, if you were looking for a way to get a well in the mood saying "i just saw a rat behind you" is not it. [ laughter ] the waitress comes back, she can see something was up because i'm sitting on top of my chair now. and i say kind of quietly, bought i don't want to alarm everyone in the restaurant, "i just saw a rat run up and down the wall.

>> jimmy: oh, yeah.u don't win by meeting any kind of negativity head on. >> jimmy: we've already lost, though, in general. >> you don't. you just have to say well, i don't know what that was but all right. i wasn't in the room when he did that, so i don't know. >> jimmy: do you feel you did know him very well? i know he'd been on your show a number of times. >> i will say this, that there was a time where i went to a lot of fights with stedman and he was always there and actually for maya angelou's -- maya angelou turned 60. 65th, 70th, 75th, 80th birthdays i always gave her huge parties. and the 80th birthday was at mar-a-lago and he was part of that celebration. >> jimmy: wow, donald trump and maya angelou sitting together. >> together, yes. >> jimmy: dining on the same meat. that seems -- when the phone rings at your house, you mentioned you got a call. who answers it? do you answer the phone yourself? >> i actually don't. do you? >> jimmy: it almost never rings and when it does it's that recording t

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! heather graham,down, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. thank you for joining us. [ cheers and applause ] on a special day. today is an important day in american history. today is abraham lincoln's birthday. abraham lincoln was -- [ cheers and applause ] -- born 209 years ago. of course he was tragically assassinated at ford's theater in washington by a member of ms-13. [ laughter ] i read that on the white house website. is that not right? lincoln was known -- i was looking him up today. he was known as honest, a the great emancipator, the rail splitter, tight coop. he had a lot of nicknames. he was like the diddy of 1863. [ laughter ] even had his own vodka. [ laughter ] you know, it's funny. when you think about president lincoln's hat, the tall stovepipe hat he wore, and then you think about donald trump's hat. it's kind of all you need to know, right? [ cheers and applause ] today isn't presidents day. presidents day is next mo

a dreamer, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, no, you're not. i don't believe that for one second. >> okay. then why don't you open an investigation and get a bogus search warrant to tap my phone? >> jimmy: oh, i get it. you're talking about the fbi memo. the new -- >> yes. the fbi aka fake bitches incorporated. because they're all fake-ass beotches #sad. >> jimmy: kellyanne. while we're on the subject, by the way, i'm curious, do you actually believe the nunes memo fully vindicates the president? kellyanne? oh, my god. >> i can't talk right now. >> jimmy: are you eating a snake? >> dur. see you later. >> jimmy: okay. i'll see you later. thanks, kellyanne. [ applause ] i think she was eating a snake. that was kellyanne conway. tonight on the show we have music from cheat codes with fety wan. super bowl champions corey clement and jay ajayi are here. and we'll be right back with clint eastwood. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by united health care. health care. ve got a situation . i've never seen anything like that. will you

>> jimmy: james spader!r new album "camila," is available today, camila cabello is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] love her. and we have great standup from pete lee, ladies and gentlemen, very funny individual. [ cheers and applause ] he's been here before. pete lee is coming back to "the tonight show." guys today is friday and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff, you know, i check my inbox, return some emails, and of course i send out "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] well, i was -- running a bit behind today so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind i'd like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. is that cool with you? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some "thank you note" writing music please? ♪ [ laughter ] unbelievable. fantastic. thank you. ♪ thank you people who joke that they're still writing 2 2017 on all their checks for making me wonder who still writes checks. [ laughter and applause ] thank you steve bannon leaving breitbart. now you're free to

doughnuts. >> no. >> jimmy: will you take him to see "peter rabbit" this weekend. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy"peter rabbit" is based off is popular children's book, it's a family physicfilm. g rated movies don't usually get the red band treatment but tonight that changes for good. here's the exclusive never before seen red band trailer for "peter rabbit." ♪ >> hello sweeties. checking on your new neighbor? don't worry maybe he'll be a nice, normal man. >> you're mine now. >> you're looking at pure evil. hello. >> he's gotta go. ♪ >> i'm gonna fix it. ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god, people's daughters going to be furious. we're going to take a break. when we come back controversial court ruling involving gays and cakes and unnecessary censorship so stick around. we'll be right back. >> announcer: abc's "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by -- , go, go, go! we can fit more! there's still more room! we gotta go. juicer! we don't have a juicer! the volkswagen tiguan. it fits everything you need, and everything you don't. ♪ ♪ if it's all right, oh yeah ♪ i wanna kick it with you all night, all right ♪ ♪ ♪

and i even got something for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you got something for me?workers. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: but i love you. so i made this card for you. >> jimmy: oh, how nice. >> guillermo: do you want me to read it? >> jimmy: yes. of course. that's what you do with cards. you read them aloud to the other person. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: okay. to jimmy. my love for you is very big. like a king kong or a very big dog on top of a basketball player's shoulders. [ laughter ] happy valentine. love you, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. that's very -- that's very confusing. but in a lovely way. let me tell you something. if you want to make a great impression, cards are nice. but this is even nicer. look at that. it is a classic. a box of russell stover's -- take it easy. i'll give it to you in a minute. [ laughter ] russell stover's handcraft chocolates. here you go. now you can have one. they're made in small batches with fresh fruit, real batches and sweet cream. they are so delicious and you could have saved a lot of money

>> jimmy: that is just tape. when i hold up the album i know where to put it. >> magic of tv. my god. and, but, yeah, to go back to your non-question. >> jimmy: yeah my non-question. >> no, it's -- it's great because you never, like, you never expect it to happen again. do you know what i mean so every time you kind of go, oh, they remember. >> jimmy: timothÉe chalamet was here last night. >> with oprah. god she isn't on again is she she's great. >> jimmy: i would have been nervous around oprah. >> i would wanted to hug her the whole time. >> jimmy: she would have hugged you probably. >> do you think so? >> jimmy: i think she absolutely would do that. you never met oprah. >> never. well she made that speech at the globes. >> jimmy: and everybody wanted her to be president after that. you never got to meet her. >> i never did. i would vote for her. >> jimmy: are you allowed to vote in the united states. >> i don't know i'm not a resident here. >> jimmy: oh, then no way. >> not now you're not. >> jimmy: no this is

and now, why not, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you.ello and welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming to the show. and oh, i see what's going on here. [ cheers and applause ] i know what's happening. we got a lot of horny women for jamie dornan here tonight [ cheers and applause ] i was like i don't usually get this, i don't know what's going on. [ laughter ] well it's a strange and mystical day in the universe. last night into early this morning had a blue moon, blood moon, super moon and full lunar eclipse, the moon pulled out all of the stops to get us to look up from our phones. this is something i've been excited about for a few days, i wrote it down super blood blue moon 5:20 a.m. should have been the ideal time. it hasn't happened for like 150 years. it's a rare thing. i set my alarm 5:25 giving me four minutes to get to the balcony. alarm went off. i go to the bathroom and come back and get right back in the bed and go to sleep [ cheers and applause ] in between the time i was in the bathroom

and now, sure enough, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome.'m the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. we have is to much to get to. so much going on. the bad news is our president is donald trump. president trump had a busy day he spoke at the conservative political action conference and the mood was very upbeat, things are going great. they were happy to see donald trump and trump was happy that they were happy to see him. he told the crowd he loves c pack and would never leave them for a double d pack. he did all of the hits, the tax cuts, the law, his hair. second amendment. went after john mccain, called hillary crooked, called the media crooked it was classic trump a lot of fun. you thought he would let giving guns to school teachers go, you're mistaken. this is a man with a lot of hair on his head. >> it's concealed. this crazy man wouldn't know who has it. er that's not bad. that's good. and a teacher would have shot the hell out of him before he knew what happened. >> in your john claude van movie it would m

and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. thanks for coming.hanks for showing up. so glad you're here. [ cheers and applause ] we should all be glad we're here. lucky to be in l.a. this week, it was 81 degrees today here, almost makes me feel guilty when i think of my friends back home but not really they have better pizza that's worth the cold. hey the east coast is basically a slurpe, schools are closed all thanks to winter storm lee am. the winter channel picked up sound as the storm built over the great lengths because liam is a winter storm to be reckoned with. >> i will look for you. [ laughter ] i will find you. and i will kill you. >> oh, my god! well, run, because this storm has a very particular set of skills. anyway warm wishes to those of you in liam's path. lately have you seen president trump's hair flapping in the wind if you haven't you're in for a treat this is friday heading into mara lago for the weekend and his hair tried to fly off without him. now the red hats make sense. [ cheers and applause ] think we might have to see

kimmel is -- >> jimmy: you mean jimmy. [ laughter ] >> they say mr.n bills. >> jimmy: anthony anderson and i called you, he was on the show one night, he had your cellphone number or somebody he told me was your cellphone number. >> it was my cellphone number. >> jimmy: we called and left you a voice mail did you get that? >> no i never answer them. i wait until they get full and go shoop. is that drew. >> jimmy: yeah we left you a voice mail. >> anthony called me and said my daughter's here would you face time with my daughter and i tried to and he goes she went to the store can you call back. >> jimmy: funny you say that because i have a story of similar nature right before i hosted the emmy's literally the day before anthony texted me asking me to get tickets for miss mother to the emmy's, i said you know this is not a party at my house. i'm not the guy who distributes the tickets. >> did you get the tickets. >> jimmy: of course i got the tickets. >> of course when anthony calms, i go, i'm ready to face time with your daughter, he goes she's not he