. >> jimmy: uh! >> jimmy, what are you doing? >> jimmy: jerry, i don't know, man. i ate too much, dude. oh my gosh. i can't even do it. i can't do the monologue. there's no way. >> you can't do the monologue? >> jimmy: i can't do the monologue. i just ate too much. i just ate -- >> all right i'll do the monologue. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you'll do the monologue? >> i'll do the monologue. >> jimmy: you'llo the monologue. >> i'll do the monologue. >> jimmy: you wanna do the monologue? >> why couldn't i do it? >> jimmy: thank you for doing the monologue. >> i'll do the monologue. >> this is great. >> pull yourself together. >> jimmy: just go do it. that's awesome. >> stop eating! >> jimmy: i can't, i'm sorry. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jerry seinfeld, brian regan, animal expert, robert irwin, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: gobble, gobble. >> steve: and now, here he is, jerry s

>> jimmy: yeah.y the once great eagles who -- [ laughter ] have had a wing clipped and have fallen to the ground in a a very hard way. >> jimmy: questlove, be careful. >> stop it! >> jimmy: no, questlove, be careful. [ laughter ] >> no, because you know every are i come here, th waiting in the hallway to greet me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and go,your giants suck." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> "my eagles are so good." oh, i walk in today. the band, the room to the th door to their room is closed. [ laughter ] i caught one them trying to go -- trying to go to the bathroom. [ laughter ] i caught you. they didn't want to talk to me. >> jimmy: what?y d they want to -- i mean, what happened to the eagles this season? they landed. the eagles have landed. [ laughter ] you know what i think happened y in all hon i think they won the super bowl last year and this year they thought it was just gointo happen. that they were going to be -- automatically be back in the playoffs. and it's not that easy. you're at the

not bad. >> questlove: whoa, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. one. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, sure. >> questlove: if i wanted to see "the nutcracker," i'd go to radio ci. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, all right. well, that's a good one. i get that, i understand now. [ cheers and applause ] . >> mark: hey, jimmy. jimmy. i got one. >> jimmy: oh yeah, sure, sure, sure. mark, go ahead. >> mark: what a dick! [ whistle ] [ laughter and applause ] ♪ mark takes it too far ♪ >> jimmy: hey come on. took it too far, mark. ok it too far. took it too far. more news here -- what's that? >> steve: it's a grab bag. >> jimmy: yeah, that is a grab bag. [ laughter and applause ] guys, i read that president trump was once asked to guess how much the mitary's highest ranking officer earns per year and he said $5 million.en old it's actually $200,000, trump was like, "$200,000 million?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hey guys, listen to this. the federal government just released a 1,600-page report on climate change. yep. leave it to america to release a rep

okay. ♪ and next we have jimmy fa -- >> jimmy: wait, sorry.have jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: ashley graham, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] check out her podcast "pretty big deal." we'll be right back with the struts and kesha. stick around. twirl. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: performing "body talks" from their new album "young and dangerous," give it up for the struts and kesha! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ your eyes follow like a spotlight two eyes like the sun go ahead ♪ ♪ keep your distance from me soon you're gonna come when you flick your hair like you don't care ♪ ♪ and you ask me where i'm from that game that you're running baby ♪ ♪ you've already won i need to know know know what do you need need need what do you like like like ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm gonna be it tonight you can be cool you can be shy ♪ ♪ say what you want say what you like 'cause ooh your body talks your body talks ♪ ♪ ooh ooh your body talks you can pretend you don't want to know but i read the signs from ♪ ♪ your head

jimmy: wow.ng for the emmy, you guys. [ laughter ] you guys hear about this? llttel just came out with a new magic eight ball, the trump magic eight ball. it's like a magic eight ball but with trump answering your question [ light laughter ] well, good news is we actually have one. and he's going to answer your questions right now. it's time for trump magic eight ball here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ trump magic eight ball trump magic eight ball ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, welcome to trump magic eight ball. this magic eht ball is filled with the wisdom of president trump. you can ask it any personal question you want, as long as it's yesr no question. then you give it a shake. and the president of the united states will answer your question. who wants to give it a try? come on. [ cheers ] anybody?n. come come on. there you go. you, here you go. stand up. how you doing buddha you can take how you doing? what's your name? >> rasmus. >> jimmy: rasmus? >> yeah. >> jimmy: hey,

okay.♪ ♪ and next we have jimmy fa -- >> jimmy: wait, sorry. jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: ashley graham, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] check out her podcast "pretty big deal." we'll be right back with the struts and kesha. stick around. twirl. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the best internet meets the best things to do on the internet. switch to fios, the 100% fiber-optic network, and get a year of amazon prime and an amazon echo on us. already have prime? we'll cover another year. it's all yours when you sign up for the fastest internet available fios gigabit connection, plus tv, plus phone, all with a 2-year price guarantee all for just $79.99 per month with a 2-year agreement. get fios, the fastest internet in the us. 100% fiber-optic network. 100% phenomenal. go to getfios.com today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: performing "body talks" from eir new album "young and dangerous," give it up for the struts and kesha! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ your eyes follow like a spotlight two eyes like the sun go ahead ♪ eep yo

and now, look at this, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you.hank you very much. that's very nice. thank you. guillermo. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for everything, really. on this special night here on abc. we welcome those of you who watched the cmas earlier here on this network. we have a cma-plus show for you tonight with kane brown, jake owen, and a special country music edition of "mean tweets." and mary poppins and robin hood are here with us too. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know how many of you have kids who are school age. but this is the time of the year when they shoot class photos. you know the portraits that haunt us for the rest of our lives. [ laughter ] this is the time they do it. but that may be no more. because now the company that shoots a lot of these school photos is giving parents the option of having their children's portraits retouched. for real. for $8, you can get what they call basic retouching, which removes blemishes, pimples whatnot.

>> jimmy: yes. >> no. >> jimmy: not true. [ laughter ] >> not me. >> jimmy: of course not you, no., actually. i was lying just now. >> jimmy: that was good. you're a good actress. >> i am one, thank you. >> jimmy: now who is your favorite? i can guess who your favorite is. >> who do you think my favorite is? >> jimmy: well, there's one named emma, right? >> yes. and so growing up, and i was super blonde. and my real name is emily but i wanted to be called emma because of baby spice and guess what? now i am. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. wow. [ applause ] >> so that's like pretty messed up. >> jimmy: this just changed your wikipedia page, right now. >> it's pretty -- it wasn't necessarily because of her. but yes, in second grade did i go up to the teacher on the first day and ask her to call me emma? yes, i did. >> jimmy: yeah, you did, yeah. >> was it because of emma lee bunton from the spice girls? yes it was. >> jimmy: that's right, it was. have you ever seen them in concert or anything? >> i saw them in concert in the '90s. i saw them at o2 arena in 2008. and they recently announc

jimmy?s and applause ] ♪ ♪ that's how they got there ♪ >> jimmy: hey guys, i read that two beer makers, pabst and millercoors, are going to trial after pabst accused miller of trying to put them out of business. now, cameras aren't allowed in the courtroom, but we did get our hands on a recording of the opening statements. check this out. >> court is now in session in trial of pabst vs. millercoors. we'll begin with opening statements. pabst, you may go first. [ beer cracking ] >> okay, so you don't even know like what i've been going through, okay? i'm going to sue miller for being a stupid jerk, 80 billion money. >> hey, shut your face hole! i'm not a jerk. you're the jerk. >> erection, your honor! >> order in the court. >> oh, okay. i'll have a whopper. [ burping ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: different order. [ applause ] and finally, guys, the president tweets so much sometimes it's hard to keep track of everything he says. so we thought it might be helpful if we went through all of his tweet

top 200. >> jimmy: top 2 -- >> i like that. >> jimmy: i didn't wanna -- >> i'm in there. >> jimmy: iat. >> jimmy: i know. ha i don't like the big intro. >> jimmy: i do tt every time for you. >> i know. it just comes from a n place. >> jimmy: right. >> but in comedyland -- >> jimmy: yeah >> we don't want to over sell it. right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> showbiz thing. we've all seen comedians -- "this guy coming out, this is the funniest guy." he going in the toilet so hard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't start too gh. >> yeah, don't bring them up too high. >> jimmy: yeah, but i feel like you -- i don't have to set the bar too high. everyone knows who you are already. yeah, you know who i am. but remember, you know, comedy, we have to work it. my: but they're already laughing at that. they're already laughing at that. you didn't even say a joke. >> i know. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you said there, "you w hat, they know who i am." [ laughter ] >> i really liked the opening. [ laughter ] [ seinfeld gibberish ] that was really good. >> jimmy: i love you changed your voice for me. bes use, y

>> jimmy: yes! >> no! >> jimmy: ron! >> please! >> jimmy: ron! >> come on! >> jimmy: do it!ay, fine! i'll talk about the presidential election which is two whole years away! you're crazy man! you're freaking crazy! >> jimmy: talk about it! i wanna hear your analysis. we all want to hear your freaking analysis! >> okay, fine! in 2020 -- >> jimmy: come on. >> the presidential election -- >> jimmy: come on. >> poses some challenging -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> ah, who cares? it is gonna come down to [ bleep ] florida. >> jimmy: all right. get him out of here! >> oh, come on! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: get him the hell out of here! >> fine! >> jimmy: pathetic. i broke him. i broke him there. >> steve: my god. >> jimmy: this made me laugh, guys. in delaware yesterday, joe biden gave an interview after voting at a high school but kept getting interrupted by the school bell. watch this. >> this is important. a little bit of rain, man. enjoy the rain. come out and vote. [ bell ] >> that's the class bell. >> it's always an exciting -- [ bell ] [ laughter ] >> i think t

i don't know. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess cake tastes good. >> it's cool. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmyfriend that had a a recording studio. and he let us record one night. and so we made all this crazy stuff. and we had a song called "cooky puss." and then we put it out. >> jimmy: but "cooky puss" is based on -- if you're from new york, i think it's an east coast thing, right? >> yeah, i always wondered that. but i feel like it's definitely -- >> jimmy: carvel? >> --northeast. >> it's carvel. and i got a story about it, too. exclusive. not in here. >> jimmy: what? >> it's not that exciting. as i'm saying -- >> jimmy: wait, what are you talking about? this is i got to call tmz and "the daily mail." >> so we used to go to this club called -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hello? sorry. hello? oh, why would you call me? i told you i was going to call you. >> do you need a phone? [ laughter ] >> so we used to -- >> are you sure? you can sell this on groupon, you know? this story. >> sell the story on groupon? >> jimmy: exclusive story. oh, we can be on the bonus audiobook. >> oh, okay. forget it t

jimmy? >> jimmy: yo, what's up man. gr tariq: you okay? >> jimmy: yeah, i't man. what about you?ited for thanksgiving? >> tariq: oh yeah. of course. i'm super excited man for the, man -- for the pie. >> jimmy: yeah. >> tariq: and the turkey. >> jim: yeah. >> travel coordination and traffic and -- ♪ traffic. [ laughter ] >> move you moron. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ car horns ] >> hey get out of the wa moron. ♪ [ sirens ] [ laughter ] >> guys! guys! you okay! >> tariq: absolutely. >> jimmyyeah, sure. >> good, cause for a second i thought you had a problem with thanksgiving. personally i'm really excited fo the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, and the gravy, and how there's only limited amounts of it. ♪ avlaughter ] >> we're out of [ laughter ] >> but guys, at least the national dog show is on. we all love watching that. >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] love the dog show. >> tariq: love the dog show. >> jimmy: the dog show's great. yah. of coursh. >> tariq: love it. >> jimmy: that'll be fun. >> tariq: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey guys, i saw th vice presi

>> jimmy: only you, man. >> you did it, man. >> jimmy: only you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: michael strahanody. >> the soldiers thank you, my friend. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ get fifty percent off your entire purchase this wednesday through friday, plus one-dollar cozy socks in-store this friday only. ♪ that's cozy socks for one-dollar and fifty percent off your entire purchase this wednesday through friday, only at old navy! i'm adam, and i make robots. the new surface pro can handle all of my programs. i can paint, i can mold, i can code. i can take an idea from a sketch and turn it into a real product in one device. it's pretty amazing. when the guy inown front slams on his brakes out of nowhere. you do, too, but not in time. hey, no big deal. you've got a good record and liberty mutual won't hold a grudge by raising your rates over one mistake. you hear that, karen? liberty mutual doesn't hold grudges. how mature of them! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise their rates because of their first accident. liberty mutual in

>> jimmy: jazz hands! >> fosse! >> jimmy: fosse.ethe person who is drawing will be t wearing one ofhese virtual reality headsets. okay? and you're drawing in a 3d space using a program called "tilt brush." you just pull the trigger on this and draw with it. we'll be able to see their point of view on the been upstage. 45 seconds per turn. i'll go first. >> look at t's face. [ laughter ]know. get ready. no, you're going to dig it. >> i know there is some kind of trick to this.>> immy: no, no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] you -- here, have a seat. >> i'm very excited. >> put this thing on your head. don't worry about. >> jimmy: i'm telling you, u' dig this. all right. i'll go first. here we go. the good thing is you just look cool playing it. la yeah. hter ] all right, here we go. what number should i chose? [ audience shouting ] >> jimmy: wow. okay. that was very organized. five. i heard five first. >> 42.my >> jhere we go. buddy, we got this. >> i got this. i'm with you. >> jimmy: okay, okay, okay. [ laughter ]kn i don', man. oh, my gos

, jimmy. you in now.d lot of very bad porn films with me in them., >> jimmy: gosh. >> combined mutants. i don't know. i'm happy to publicly license -- our offspring. that's right. i'm happy to -- it can be used in pornogrhy, if it's tasteful. >> jimmy: you can't say that. >> no, it is tasteful. fo>> jimmy: you can't spea my face-swapped body. >> well, i can speak for half of ila hter ] jimmy doesn't want to be associated with anything. just a nice, romantic scen set it up. that's right. we'll keep it classy.he pan toireplace. and then, let the [ bleep ] start. >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] >> what? what? >> jimmy: no you kept it classy. you kept it classy -- >> oh, that's right. different rules. >> jimmy: yeah exactly, different rules here at nbc. ive of your show that's on hbo -- >> did you just pivot there ed with a point, jimmy? i think you did. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we'll leave that in. i've got time to fill, man. i'd leave that in.ll but, r though, let's talk about your show at hbo.

>> jimmy: so cute. >> it's so cut >> jimmy: i know. i loved it. >> so unexpected. >> jimmy: it is.cholastic -- it was not for children this thing i wrote for them but scholastic approached and said, "would you ever consider h turnin into a children's book?" and i was like, "i had not. but i will." and so they very sweetly and organically helped me turn this into a little book for kids. so cute. >> jimmy: but you said it came from you reading to your daughter?ea >> like, little, you know, i have a nine-year-old now, who was then six when i -- when we wrote it. and she -- it was just my little girl and i like laying in bed at night and we were just listening to her kind of talk about just monog as, like, little kids do about. and just hearing her, like, just hearing her, kind of, like, self-possession and her confidence and her just, like, full voice, like, authenticity. i thought, "oh, i just wt to like capture this for her." and so, that, it kind of came out of that.so couldn't be prouder. it's real cute. >> jimmy: aw. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did she see the book

>> come on jimmy, you got to come on. >> jimmy: i'm in.y: oh perfect. oh my god. a great show. [ cheers and applause ] you guys. >> we got a hologram. >> jimmy: i felt like when you first came on our show, you were very popular, but i think since then you've taken it to the next level. so congratulations, because -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: i saw a big yo collaboratioguys did with nike. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, wait. >> look how sexy. look at at. >> look at that. whoo! [ cheers and applause ] that's all real. that's not cgi. >> jimmy: that is totally airbrushed. >> you can't see it right now, but that's how my eye really -- >> jimmy: that is so airbrushed. >> that is how my arms really look.s >> no, no, thast a lot of baby oil. [ laughter ] that is a lot of baby oil. >> jimmy: no way. >> that's all it is. >> jimmy: how cool is that? now let's talk about november 11th.la you'reng madison square garden. >> yeah. >> some people say the hulu theater. t >> don't st. don't call it a theater. >> just say madison square garden. >> don't -- we're

>> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> what's that, jimmy?st beautiful baby. >> jimmy: my god. i'm keeping this killed away from my daughter, that's for sure. my god, this is the cutest baby i have ever seen. you have to make more of these. >> i know, we don't -- he's pari try to have sex. >> jimmy: your style is over with. it is his style. look how cute this guy is. my gosh, wow. mike, look what you did. >> i know. well, i just -- >> jimmy: you played a part. >> i just helped make the relationship official, that's all. >> sure did. >> jimmy: he's so cute. he's dressed like a little robin williams. >> it is a '70s thing. my wife made the costume. >> jimmy: oh, my god. he really likes me, i'll tell you that much. as a result, i really like you. oh, you're eating your fist. i do that too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have a lot in common with babies. >> do you? >> jimmy: wow, he is absolutely beautiful. tell me about daddy's tv show because we haven't mentioned it yet. >> it is called "you." >> jimmy: what network is it on? >> lifetime network. >>

>> jimmy: yeah. >> it's really hard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. >> it's tough. >> jimmy: i have anll working. >> jimmy: yeah, so, yeah. i'm trying to figure out the technology to make movies for you. so i -- >> thank you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're welcome, you're welcome. >> i appreciate your work ethic. >> jimmy: it's no problem. i like to do everything. i dip my toe, as they say. but at nighttime, when the lights are glowing -- >> yeah, it's amazing. >> jimmy: the holiday -- they're singing, "da-who-da." and i go, "this is beautiful." >> it is. >> jimmy: it's exactly what i would do. >> i kind of want to be there for a bit. for a bit. i mean, i'm kind of english. i kind of have that thing where you're going, they're very high on christmas in whoville. i think they knew there was a a slight grinch with me as far as christmas goes. if you work in retail, if you've continually surrounded by the christmas spirit -- >> jimmy: you hate christmas. >> you hate the christmas spirit. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: is that true? >> yeah. my heart goes out to anyone, you know, doing

>> yeah. >> jimmy: what color? >> red. >> jimmy: red. what else? >> blue. >> jimmy: and what else?> green. >> jimmy: we were so close. so close. great job. thank you. it was nice talking to you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: givevefie . [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i guess they're not talking about him. thank you, nora. one more thing, it is thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it's time for "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> this afternoon, the first lady, melania trump, called for a top official on the national security council to be [ bleep ]ed. >> you know what i was thinking about, danielle and i [ bleep ] this morning. >> he's making it very awkward. >> well, keith just [ bleep ] off on nicole's shoulder. >> we couldn't stop talking about you. not just about your [ bleep ], other parts too. we thought you were amazing. >> i have never [ bleep ] a woman. i never will [ bleep ] a woman. >> performing her new single, t rita ora. >> with white chocolate chips and holiday sprinkles, it's going to

wow. >> jimmy: yeah, i just -- i just -- >> that's crazy. >> jimmy: that's giant. >> yeah. >> jimmy:ter ] >> every night. >> jimmy: you guys can ride benicio del toro tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you want to. you want to. just head out to orlando, and just ride benicio. >> yeah, actually disneyland. disneyland in l.a. >> jimmy: disneyland in l.a., in los angeles. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, sorry about that. >> and it's kind of bizarre. you know, i never thought i'd have a statue of me anywhere. let alone in disneyland. >> jimmy: so there's statue outside of -- >> there's a statue. >> jimmy: you're the -- you're the opening -- >> the collector. ahin the -- >> jimmy: but you're the opening of the whole ride. >> yeah, yeah. i'm -- >> jimmy: do people come up to you, like, hey -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: i enjoyed the ride. >> i ride you. [ laughter ] yes. yeah. >> jimmy: i enjoy riding you. yeah. of course. >> i enjoy riding you. yeah. >> jimmy: that's -- >> you're always letting me down. yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and i've done it -- i've done it seven times now. yeah. exactly. oh, man.

jimmy.on now, rain? trump cancelled because of rain? when i was president, i was always in the rain. just look. bam. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i can see that. >> bam. [ laughter ] bam. >> jimmy: yeah. right, right, right. you never let the rain stop you. >> bam. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> bam. o-bam-a. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: o-bam-a. i think -- o-bam-a. i think -- i think we get it, yeah. >> look, i'm just telling you. look -- 'cause my time in office was like one long scene from "the notebook." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> it's always -- always raining. you know? i spent six out of the eight of my years just trying to find a a towel. >> jimmy: now, that can't be -- [ laughter ] that can't be true. that can't be true. >> no, i'm telling you. it's everywhere, you know. raindrops, drop tops. ♪ smoking on a cookie like a hot box ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. >> and you know what, i did not cancel once. >> jimmy: sounds like you're pretty worked up about the whol

hello, sophia. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: wow. long time no see. to? >> not much. let's see, i traveled to over 25 countries, appeared on the cover of "cosmopolitan" magazine, met german chancellor angela merkel and the actor will smith and became twitter friends with chrissy teigen. [ light laughter ] i addressed the united nations and nato, became the first robot to receive a credit card and became the first robot citizen. what have you been up to? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not one-fifth of what you did. [ laughter ] i've just binge watched netflix. [ light laughter ] anyway, i heard that you have a a surprise announcement here tonight. >> yes, i have a little sister. her name is little sophia. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> would you like to meet her? [ cheers applause ] >> jimmy: yes. yes, let's bring her out, please! [ light laughter ] oh, my goodness. are you kidding me? hi, little sophia. >> hi, jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you -- you are so cute. >> you are pretty cute, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness, wow. i wish i could -- i cou

lady. >> jimmy: steak. >> lady. >> jimmy: dainty. no. >> lay -- >> jimmy: lie.er ] lay. >> lady. >> jimmy: lady. lady. lady gaga. [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. >> jimmy: no, that was good. it was good. lady gaga, that's my girl. okay, here we go. all right. your husband is behind you. >> what? >> jimmy: your husband is behind you. your. >> huh? >> jimmy: your. >> tour? >> jimmy: your. >> tour. >> jimmy: your. >> your. >> jimmy: your husband is behind you. >> your husband is behind you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can take these off. oh, my goodness. come on. >> i was going to get you one day. >> jimmy: did you have any idea at all? didn't want to come down from the seats. did you see it backstage? >> oh, yeah. i saw. >> jimmy: it was unbelievable. india. [ cheers and applause ] go ahead and turn around. well, we have another -- we have another surprise for you. >> there's more? >> jimmy: yes. we've partnered with t-mobile to not only honor veterans but also support them in the community. a

>> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you.t being here in memphis. and i gotta tell you, and a lot of people have been saying i look like elvis. [ light laughter ] it's true. they say i look like elvis. so, i'd like to do a tribute to the great man himself, the king. hit it, boys. ♪ ♪ the warden threw a party in the county jail everyone in my administration started to wail ♪ ♪ indictments handed down to the whole west wing you should have heard my lawyer michael cohen sing ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let's rock everybody let's white house job was dancing to the jailhouse rock ♪ ♪ robert mueller said the russians fixed my votes manafort was caught lying under oath ♪ ♪ rick gates sam patten michael flynn and don't forget george papadopoulos ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let's rock everybody let's rock ♪ ♪ everybody with a white house job was dancing to the jailhouse rock ♪ ♪ manafort spoke to julian assange elvis' hair was black and mine's orange ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i'm all shook up the walls are closing in i'm a hunk of burning love

>> thanks for having me, jerry. >> jimmy: it's jimmy, not jerry. it's jimmy kimmel. but thank you for joining us. >> if i wanted a lecture, jerry, i'd go to a todd talk. >> jimmy: i think it's a ted talk, actually, kelleyanne, and it's jimmy, also. >> listen, jerry, it's one thing to fight me on every name, but i'd appreciate it if you could at least not stoop to personal attacks. >> jimmy: there was no personal attack. i just -- in fact, i haven't said anything. i just wanted to ask you about this false allegation you've made against jim acosta. >> get your damn hands off me, jerry! how dare you! >> jimmy: wait a minute. it's not jerry, it's jimmy, and i didn't touch you. there's a satellite interview. how could i even do that? >> i have no idea. why don't you ask your friend, george soros. >> jimmy: i don't even -- i don't know george soros and i did nothing at all to you. >> you can lie all you want, but the video doesn't. roll the tape, guys. >> jimmy: kelleyanne, that's -- that's hulk hogan fighting the iron sheik. that's not us. >> at least someone besides the

>> jimmy: i know what you're going to pick. >> paris. >> jimmy: yes! >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow.ans, i'm leonardo dicaprio. [ laughter ] >> which means you're gonna freeze ay. choose a hair style. >> jimmy: choose a hair style. pony tail, braid, bun, shaved, bob, however i woke up? mmm. uh -- mm -- >> jimmy: come on. really? >> hell yeah. [ laughter ] i'm super low key. >> jimmy: oh, please. >> and i'm so nice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did i tell you guys how nice i was did i tell you how nice i was? i love my brother and my mom. i'm like, however i wake up is fine with me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought you were going with ponytail because youp want to be babe. >> ugh! >> jimmy: well there are pigtails. >> i can't go back now.>> immy: no you can't go back. >> this is the thing. >> jimmy all right choose a a spice girls song. >> oh god. how are we gonna do this? >> jimmywell -- there's the clear answer. >> you know what? i'm going to pick "stop" because "stop" is an incredible song. i'm posh spice?! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes! finally! this is it! [ cheers and applause ] sh

>> jimmy: that's >> jimmy: oh, look at that. wow, that's great. back with music from tenacious d. enacious d. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz, the best or nothing. or nothing. first, it continues to pay paramedics while we're on break. second, it ensures the closest ambulance can respond if you call 9-1-1. vote yes on 11. proposition 11 "a common sense solution" to protect public safety. it ensures the closest ambulance remains on-call during paid breaks "so that they can respond immediately when needed." vote yes on 11. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank julia roberts and science bob apologies to matt damon. nightline is next, but first, their album is called "post-apocalypto" here with the song "colors" tenacious d! ♪ what was i thinking all this rage it's the end of the world spreading my hatred ♪ ♪ i mus to every boy and every girl ♪ ♪ colors are the thing that make the world better i've been seeing things

and now, hang on, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you for watching at home. thank you for coming here. how you doing? that's very nice. i'm thankful that you're here. this is the time that we -- of year that we are thankful. thanksgiving is almost upon us.. i hope those lulu lemons are ready to stretch out to their capacity. this year, they say -- i heard the average thanksgiving meal this year for ten pe ileops expected to cost $48.90 and i don't know where they get these estimates but the average thanksgiving dinner for ten people doesn't cost $48.90 unless you're buying your ingredients in the dumpster behind the supermarket, right? i like thanksgiving. it's one of the better holidays. there are no gifts. there's just food. but there's a newish tradition i want to address and that is friendsgiving. you know what this is? started with kids coming home from college, you get together with the people you want to get together with, the people you don't have to get together with, your

>> jimmy: it's rams. >> what. >> jimmy: it's rams. it's not rammers, it's rams. >> enjoy your little game of sportsball. i hope your team gets all the grand slam dunkers. >> jimmy: i just have one quick question. are you excited about the new "harry potter" movie that's coming out? >> am i? i just got this done last week. >> jimmy: okay. is that a -- are those bedbug bites you have there? >> no, no. just a tattoo. >> jimmy: all right. get the hell out of here. whoever that is -- whoever that is, he definitely doesn't work here. and he definitely isn't the only member of our staff who got bedbugs in brooklyn. so, hey, not only has -- not only has l.a. versus boston fired up the sportsball fans in the area, it has given our local newscasters in town a great chance to flex their accent muscles. >> the dodgers will take on the red sox first on their turf there in boston. >> that's right. boston. >> boston. >> boston. >> game one of the world series from fenway pahk. >> we are live at fenway park. >> fenway pahk to see the green monster up

>> jimmy: >> jimmy: oh, okay. when i say dia, you say betes! dia -- betes!ike a college dropouto much a s it was a red flush. that was in the house. that was in the house. in the senate it was a strong night for republicans and mitch mcconnell partied well into the wee hours of the morning. >> jimmy: he ate two heads of lettuce and passed out. democrats get the house, republicans keep the senate. which means a divided government, which means more gridlock in washington, which is usually a bad thing. now i find myself actually rooting for congress to get nothing done. one of the most reserve more popular candidates was beto o'rourke, the texas newcomer -- [ cheers and applause ] who lost his race to ted cruz. but won the award for outstanding expletive in a concession speech. >> not a dime from a single pac. all people all the time. in every single part of texas. all of you showing the country how you do this. i'm so [ bleep ] proud of you guys. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: about two minutes after beto lost, people started running him for pr

let's give it up for jimmy. >> jimmy: they don't know. have so much material, some things just end up on the editing room floor. don't take it personal. >> jimmy: will it be in the blu-ray extras? >> let's push for the dvd extras. >> jimmy: i would like to be a dvd extra. [ applause ] see if you can put in a good word on that one, all right? >> i got you. >> jimmy: how's everything going for you? hey, by the way, this magazine just was revealed. gq man of the year. that's a real wolf too. is it really? >> it is and he was in that. he was not photoshopped. >> jimmy: it looks like a happy wolf, a smiling wolf. >> he's 97% wolf. >> jimmy: he's almost all wolf. those are dangerous, though. i've had some appearanexperienc this before with a wolf and they say you should not be around a wolf even if they say it's trained. >> they said it was safe and trained and totally calm but don't look at him in the eyes. i'm like, great, no eye contact. >> jimmy: it's funny when people tell you things like you make a right here, sometimes i'll gloss over bu

right now on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- julia roberts -- science bob pflugfelder -- the results of our youtube halloween challenge -- and music from tenacious d. and now if that's not enough -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thanks. thanks for coming. thanks. hello, how are you? very nice, thank you. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. i hope you had a happy halloween. how many of you -- did you dress up or go to parties for halloween last night, any of you? no? nobody? [ cheers ] my kind of people if you didn't, by the way. we had a good time. we took the kids trick or treating last night. our son, billy, was batman and our daughter, jane, who is 4 years old was wonder woman for the third year in a row. [ laughter ] i don't know if she knows she can be something else. she might think you choose one character, you're locked in for life, but fine, and of course you got a lot of treats. she weighs about 35 pou

just you. >> jimmy: of course. >> it's jimmy fallon doing the words. >> jimmy: all right, good.nd i would jump up on our bed and strike a karate pose. [ light laughter ] i had never taken karate. but i had the books from the book fair when i was a kid. and i would say, "abby." that was my girlfriend. "there's a jackal in the room." and she got so used to it. she could talk me down while remaining asleep. she would say, "there's no jackal. go to bed." and i would say, "are you sure?" and she'd say, "yes, michael. there's no jackal. go to bed." and i'd say, "okay, okay." and then i would go to bed, knowing there was a jackal. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> look. no, no. i think -- >> jimmy: did i get the part? >> i think -- look, there's going to be a lot of people auditioning. [ laughter ] by the way, you got to keep that in that show. that's the funniest thing i've ever seen. >> jimmy: mike birbiglia, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, guys! >> jimmy: check out his broadway show, "the new one" at the cort theatre. we'll be right back with stand-up from jourdain fishe

there's been many phases of jimmy. you got "snl" jimmy.in there, let's be honest about -- about "tonight show" jimmy. [ light laughter ]my >> jyeah, yeah, yeah. >> he's changed. he's changed. >> jimmy: totally different person. >> you're on board for "sleepwalk with me." anyou were on board with " god for jokes." you were on board for "my girlfriend's boyfriend." i haven't seen you at "the new one." >> jimmy: i haven't seen any of those shows -- >> jimmy. >> jimmy: at all -- [ laughter ] "sleepwalk with me." yeah, of course. e i'm -- honestly, people saying that this is your best one. >> that's really -- yeah. >> jimmy: and that's a good thing. >> well, i'm proud of it. and i'm -- well, it's funny. i'm right across the street. i'm in -- >> jimmy: i get it. [ laughter and applause ] i promise, i love you. you know, i'm a big fan. s i'm in a -- i'm in -- i come for coffee downsta rockefeller center, every day. 'sm not kidding, before the show. y ritual that i go to this place called blue bottle. i love the coffee. >> jimmy: oh, i like their

>> jimmy: yes. >> okay, jimmy will te jokes for a while.hter ]>> immy: i'm not going to say that. [ laughter ] there's just -- we did like a a thousand jokes for kids and stuff like that. alexa, tell me a jok >> okay, jimmy, make 'em laugh. >> >> jimmy: what does a turkey say after you eat his leg? wobble, wobble. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: anyways, that's how it works. the jokes are silly. kids will love them.av if youan amazon echo or any of the echo products, ask it to tell you a joke.i anll try to make you laugh. and if you -- [ cheers and applause ] if you don't have an echo, u well, now. amazon is giving everyone in tonight's audience a brand new amazon echo dot. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you to our friends at amazon. we love playing with you guys. enjoy the jokes. stick around. we'll beack with jamie foxx, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ find a song and sing it round round round ♪ ♪ 'cause you've found what you've been dreaming of ♪ ♪ yeah you know that this is really love ♪ ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ ♪ -[ slurping ] ♪ -act your age. get y

it's your memoir. >> memoir. >> jimmy: memoir. >> memoir. >> jimmy: memoir. >> memoir. >> jimmy: memoirr. ♪ my name's justin the mighty justin and i'm on the show tonight ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: aw beautiful. oh my god, beautiful. justin, please, save your voice. save your voice. [ laughter ] is there anything -- is there anything else -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i appreciate it. thank you, justin. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i got to work on it. i got to work on that. i have to work on that. i got to work on it. it's not -- it's a last minute -- justin, you and i have taken the breast -- sorry, not the breast -- [ light laughter ] we've never taken the breast -- no we've never taken the breast. we've played the best -- we've taken the best friends challenge, and we've proven that we are best friends. but you wanted to challenge me to a game tonight, and there's someone here that might know you even better. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: come on now. all right, here we go. >> hi! >> jimmy: jessica! >> hello. >> jimmy: jessica biel. all right. jess

>> jimmy: it's jimmy kimmel, gene. sorry to interrupt you. yes, jimmy, 24/7. 985425, 985426 -- and thank goodness may i say for crack cocaine and sunny d. [ laughter ] i am wired to the gills right now. >> jimmy: well, you look great. you're counting all those votes by hand? i thought they were doing a machine count. >> machine count? i am the machine. [ laughter ] gene the machine, they call me. >> jimmy: oh. >> 985427. >> jimmy: gene, before you finish, are you all by yourself there? >> oh, no, jimmy, i've got the secretary of state, gary belcher, by my side. come on in here, gary. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> gary, gee. listen. >> jimmy: wow. hi, gary. gene, when do you think you guys will be finished with this count? >> good question. right about now i'm just about wrapping up the 2000 election. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] >> we got a little behind on that. and then it's -- next up is the 2001 teen choice awards. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow, you're still counting ballots for that and the 2000 election? >> yes siree. and i don't know who this g

>> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. all right. of course, there's one individual without whom we could not do this show. he is from ireland. he's in a band. and he got this whole thing started. the force of nature known as bono is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and with him, with bono, a merry band of celebrity do gooders including kristen bell, will ferrell, channing tatum, mila kunis, zoe saldana, brad paisley, pharrell and chris rock are all here tonight. and the reason they are here tonight is because they are committed to fighting aids. and snoop dogg is also here, but he doesn't know why he is here. [ cheers and applause ] it will be a big night. and i think you'll agree. it's refreshing to see so many stars joining forces to try to put a stop to something other than our president. right? [ cheers and applause ] as of this week, red has raised more than $550 million to end aids, and that is their mission, to end aids, to get rid of it. and they haven't done it alone. bank of america once again is the official payment