>> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right, get him out of here. [ light laughter ] and stop saying, "hey, jimmyan't talk to me all day >> steve: what's going on? >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. [ light laughter ] at least turn his microphone off. the plant -- it's blinking -- >> steve: how did the plant get blinking >> jimmy: he's a blinking plant. hey, guys, if you know one thing about me, it's that i always try to be a positive pierre [ laughter ] >> steve: you always do. that's what i always say about you. >> jimmy: if you know one thing about me, guys, it's that i always try to be a positive pierre, not a negative norbert [ light laughter ] >> steve: it's the fourth track. >> jimmy: wow. i guess there was the rewrite -- >> steve: yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: in between rehearsal and now. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: that's why whenever i need a pick me up, i go to my main source of spiritual strength can i have that card from the first one? [ laughter ] no, no, yeah, yeah, that's it. yeah i just want to show everyone this yeah, that's it. >> steve: guys, if you know one thing about me, it's tha

>> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] >> you throw it to me. >> jimmy: all right. >> oh. >> jimmy: oh [ cheerss like you're driving a car >> jimmy: all right. that's the way -- that's how you hit the woah >> that's how you hit the woah see? >> jimmy: i might -- maybe we'll do that -- we made a a tik tok video earlier. >> we did. >> jimmy: but together, basically, it's a challenge to see who -- >> it's a challenge. >> jimmy: -- who won and who lost, and the loser has to do a dance challenge on tik tok >> yes >> jimmy: if you go to our show -- "tonight show's" tik tok account you'll see what we do, and it's pretty fun >> it is fun >> jimmy: but maybe we should do hit the woah, too as well >> that will be fun. >> jimmy: right. i'll do that i'll go, "yo, reese. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "hit the woah. yeah all right, perfect [ cheers and applause >> my son is going to be so embarrassed. >> jimmy: good that's what's supposed to happen >> that's for you, deacon. >> jimmy: let's talk about "the morning show" on apple tv -- apple tv plus. apple tv --. >> apple [ light laughter ] apple tv >> jimmy: you and je

>> jimmy: you are.- that's awesome, buddy. >> not the last. >> jimmy: no, not the last at all. do you have a favorite track on this -- on this record >> it's hard to pick a favorite track, but i really do - >> jimmy: "the man" is good. >> love the song -- thank you. i love the song "lover." just i - [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that is a good - >> thanks, guys. >> jimmy: it's a great jam >> thanks. it's a song that i wrote alone and somehow those are -- i don't know you just think about the - i find it funny thinking about if i were to have like a -- like a party for all the songwriters on that song >> jimmy: really >> yeah, 'cause it would just be me. [ laughter ] just saying, it would be the same as -- >> jimmy: you're the only songwriter [ cheers ] >> as i was in high school i'm just like -- >> jimmy: yeah yeah, so you -- yeah, it's just you. >> fun >> jimmy: just invite yourself yeah can you see me by the way? >> ah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, good 'cause i just was wondering. didn't you just get lasi

>> that's a great question, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you.rock and i are most known for our tremendous wwe feud that broke wwe pay-per-view records and we kind of talked a lot of trash about each other >> jimmy: yeah >> now, we also had a follow-up match a year later so we spent a year making fun of each other, and then one night beating each other up. and then we were like, "did we just become best friends?" "yep." [ laughter ] so basically we were able to set aside our differences on that night and in the next year, i begin to get more chances at opportunities. and i had an audition, and i had to put myself on tape for a movie called "trainwreck." and i hadn't yet got any news that i was going to be in the running for anything to be involved in the movie. and i was really nervous and i'm like, "well, i should talk to the one guy i know who is in a lot of movies. and dwayne happened to be at wwe. i'm like, "hey, man. you always -- you know, we have a pretty good talking relationship is there any advice you can give me on how to turn this int

, me interviewing you >> it's jimmy, right >> jimmy: yeah, you can call me jimmy. [ laughter ] >> cool it's a cookbook but really it's a guide for people that throw parties that sort of want ideas so, it's like how to throw a a party. i throw these food salons. both of you have been -- >> jimmy: i've been there. >> at them so, pretty much, it's just a a gathering of friends of mine - >> jimmy: explain what a food salon is, 'cause i'd never heard of it before your party. >> well, food salon's a highbrow potluck, where i usually have like three high end chefs come over to cook. >> jimmy: yeah >> dominique ansel, or, you know, daniel humm from eleven madison >> it's a -- it's a real bourgie dinner [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tariq, you have a recipe in here >> yeah. >> jimmy: south philly seafood stew >> yeah. [ audience oohs >> jimmy: now you said, quest, you always told me that the secret that no one knows about tariq is that he's actually an amazing cook >> tariq is probably one of the best chefs ever. >> jimmy: really >> like, i feel like this whole food space i'm in is more like impostor

here we go >> i - >> jimmy: i -- >> jimmy - >> jimmy: jimmy -- >> i - [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do i havey: jimmy -- >> do it >> jimmy: i love you >> there you go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: you made me do that. you're going to make me emotional. elvis duran, everybody "where do i begin" is available now. we'll be right back with a a performance from dababy. stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ yes ♪ hey sean hey dan ♪ (tv chatter) ( ♪ ) (crunch) what's the score? no idea. (cheers) ( ♪ ) whoo. ( ♪ ) seaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in... ...as little as 2 1/2 days when used at the first sign. abreva starts to work immediately to block the virus and protect healthy cells. abreva acts on it. so you can too. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey! your science project. thanks, dad. toyota. let's go places. you sure you don't want me to come with you? i'm very sure. because i can. make good choices. you make good choices. i am. fiber is good for digestive health. good choices never tasted so good. raisin bran good choices never tasted so good. liberty mutual customizes your car insuran

and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much.come, everybody please, have a seat. welcome everybody, welcome to "the tonight show," everyone thank you for being here taylor swift is my guest tonight. [ cheers and applause i saw taylor backstage i was like, "oh, my god, i'm so glad you're here." and then her security tackled me and said, "jimmy, you need to calm down." [ light laughter ]ton ght now f like a taylor swift song democrats knew trump was trouble when he walked in. [ light laughter ] now they have "bad blood" and nancy pelosi is like, "look what you made me do. [ laughter ] [ applause ] well, just when it felt like this impeachment scandal couldn't get any crazier, trump spoke to reporters this morning and got himself into even more trouble. he's already in trouble for asking ukraine to investigate the bidens so, you think he'd stop there, but as you know trump is gonna trump. [ light laughter ] check out what happened. >> likewise, china should start an investigation into the bidens because what happened in china is ju

i got it >> jimmy: you willed it. >> i got it. >> jimmy: you willed it. >> i willed it, yeah >> jimmyeason you're here yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: "for all mankind." >> yeah. >> jimmy: explain what the premise is the premise is very cool >> yeah. i love this project so much. it's a take on -- the space race ended - >> jimmy: yeah >> by the u.s. winning and, you know -- and by that landing on the moon. so this is a show about how could the space race continue. so our show starts with the soviets beating the u.s. and landing on the moon. and then this altered -- >> jimmy: first. >> timeline starts - >> jimmy: yeah >> where the u.s., you know, being true to the american spirit, doesn't give up and continues to fight and it's a show that is aspirational it's a "what if. you know, what if we were guided by our, you know, better angels and it's a show about what if -- you know, what could have happened and what could still happen if we align our ideals in the right way and it's the best written project that i've ever been part of. and we just got a bunch of great reviews i'm told i've finally l

>> jimmy: no, no >> we have >> jimmy: we haven't talked. everything that he -- he was really nervous about it >> yeah. >> jimmy: but he told me his side of the story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but i wanted to hear your side of the story did he - >> i didn't know anything. >> jimmy: you didn't >> no. i mean, we had talked about it a little bit but i had no idea. >> jimmy: he was freaking out. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and he had the ring. he didn't know what to do. >> he had rehearsals and stuff with his assistant >> jimmy: he did >> and the housekeeper >> jimmy: he googled when the sun was setting. >> yes >> jimmy: so that he knew exactly -- >> he wanted the perfect light he's hilarious >> jimmy: he was so good oh, my gosh. >> he's hilarious. >> jimmy: did he say anything to tip you off anything like -- >> you know, it didn't we walked on -- we were walking. we went on a little beach vacation for a weekend he was like, "we should go away before you start to tour, before you start everything. we have a big year ahead, just me and you, without the kids." a

>> jimmy: sure, of course. >> i'm 47, jimmy and -- can i call you "jimmy"?ars. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so yeah >> remember? oh, i was -- but, jimmy - >> jimmy: yeah >> call me "dane," by the way. >> jimmy: okay, good [ light laughter ] >> at 47, and just, like, very recently, i just - i started -- i feel like i'm losing my looks. >> jimmy: no >> yeah, yeah, yeah. like, that thing will happen to me sometimes where i'll wake up in the morning and i'm excited and ready. but my face is like, "hey, i'm going to sleep for another hour." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, i got you. >> right and, like, i'm walking around like a shar-pei for, like, 40 minutes i look like gary oldman in "bram stoker's dracula." [ laughter ] i try to get up and i'm like -- i'm trying to like massage life into my face - >> jimmy: massage life into your face. >> for like 40 minutes here. and it's weird, like, weird things are happening like, this nipple stays hard all the time >> jimmy: okay, that's interesting. [ laughter ] >> i don't know. >> jimmy: that's something you should see a doctor

jimmy. >> jimmy: charlie, you're going to love that.ha england and tell everyone about it. let's move the group out and get another group in he tin. >> jimmy: hello, group, hello. what is your name? >> rob. >> michelle. >> jimmy: michelle, where are you from? >> toronto. >> jimmy: you're canadian. >> i'm canadian, aye. >> jimmy: weed is legal up there, right? >> yep. >> jimmy: where are you right now? >> i'm in l.a. >> jimmy: ak, gookay, good, all. next, let's meet? >> khandler. >> jimmy: this is how you spell chandler? >> yes. i guess so. r jimmy: this must makeou y >> all the time. >> jimmy: no one has ever spelled your name correctly. >> or said it correctly. >> jimmy: did you ever talk to your parents and say hey, what was the deal? >> we had a conversation. >> jimmy: what does that say on your hat there? >> "god is dope". >> jimmy: does that mean god is dope like he's great or god is dope like i smoke until i'm feeling spiritual? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you don't know. >> important answer. think about it. >> jimmy: well-answered

>> no. >> jimmy: that only leaves one person. >> you can do this, jimmy, come on. >> jimmy: uh, michelleeah. >> jimmy: it's you. it had to be you. all right. all right. well, it's ladies' night i guess. >> everyone gets cake. >> jimmy: everyone gets a cake. rob gets a cake. khandler gets a cake, give melissa two cakes if you have them. that's a very important game we play. hey, we got a great show. sunny hostin is here. comedian gina brillon is with us. and we'll be right back with tyler perry. so stick around. ♪ >>> abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by doordash. pad thai. baked pie. half stack. taco pack. lobster mac. baby back. pork chop. soda pop. i'm hungry now. pork chop. noodle soup. cantaloupe. ice cream scoop. whipped cream bloop. dumpling. chicken wing. peking. and those crispy onion rings. we are america's kitchen. and takebos r ly....nion rings. and samsonite luggage. plus - take an extra $20 off your $100 purchase!... plus - get kohl's cash! right now - at kohl's. sleep this amazing? that's a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. our liquid has a unique botanical blend, while an opt

>> bubba >> jimmy: bubba.> jimmy: and zeezee >> zeezee. >> jimmy: what -- 'cause she doesn't want to be called grandma? >> no, she got kind of a beard down to here no no, zz top >> jimmy: zz top, yeah no. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: my mom wouldn't, she refused. she was like, "when you have your kids, don't have them call me grandma." >> right >> jimmy: "i'm not old enough to be a grandma. >> i think that's part of it >> jimmy: "call me geegee. i go, "they're calling you grandma. [ laughter ] you don't have a - you don't have a - you can't choose yeah >> with my sons they just called me papee. no grandpa papee. >> jimmy: papee. wow. that's - >> papee yeah >> jimmy: there's always so many names for grandma and grandpa. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how old is your dad if you don't mind me asking? >> 102 >> jimmy: holy moly. [ cheers and applause >> thank you >> jimmy: we love him. >> he's going to be 103 in deer >> jimmy: god bless him. that's unbelievable. that's great >> he's incredible big new gift he's been figurin

i hear you >> okay. >> jimmy: plural object. >> chairs. >> jimmy: verb >> um -- um -- flush >> jimmy:] i do this with my son a lot. [ laughter ] so, i like kind of have -- >> jimmy: cartoon -- >> -- set answers. >> jimmy: cartoon character. >> mickey mouse. >> jimmy: one more last verb ending in i-n-g. >> sniffing. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go, right there. okay, we have filled out all the words for our scene. are you ready to perform it? >> so excited. >> jimmy: all right. here we go >> all right >> jimmy: let's do this. [ cheers and applause ♪ [ birds chirping ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really is -- [ light laughter ] really is a beautiful day to go apple picking. this is the most fun i've had in 6,000 years [ laughter ] >> listen, donald. i've been thinking, and we need to talk. >> jimmy: what is it, fuzzy? [ laughter ] >> what i'm about to say might be stinky to hr, but here it goes i think we should break up >> jimmy: i hate candy [ laughter ] >> i'm so sorry. we've shared so much over the past 17 weeks, but - [ laughter ] last call. [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: t

[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. that's very nice. thanks for joining us on yet another extra crispy day for our kentucky fried president. it almost seems as if he's trying to impeach himself at this point. the justice department ordered the trump administration to preserve all notes of his calls with foreign leaders, especially the sexy ones. he failed to document meetings with vladimir putin, one with kim jong un and a sunday brunch with oj. not really, but you can see it happening, right? and while records with these other leaders might be key to impeachment, they may not need records anymore. you remember that thing that trump did when he asked a government to investigate his rival, joe biden? he did it again, this time on tv. >> what exactly did you hope zelinsky would do about the phone call? >> i would think if they were honest about it, they'd start a major investigation into the bidens. it's a very simple answer. they should investigate the bidens, because how does a company that's newl

the score is kate seven, jimmy nothing. the next question is for jimmy jimmy?> jimmy: yes, i hope. >> which of these is not the name of a former professional football player? which of these is not the name of a former professional football player? a -- >> jimmy: not -- not the name? >> not the name, not the name. a, woody gobbler b, craphonso thorpe. or c, ashton youboty [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this person is not a a football player? >> they're not a football player >> jimmy: name them again. the first one is - >> woody gobbler >> jimmy: woody gobbler? >> craphonso thorpe. >> jimmy: craphonso thorpe is like something from a "harry potter" book. [ light laughter ] >> and ashton youboty. >> jimmy: this is the dumbest game i've ever played. [ laughter ] you might as well just bring out another whipped cream pie or something it's going to be -- i think craphonso forpe or whatever. thorpe >> you say that the answer is -- okay, your answer is locked in. let's bring out our next round of coolers [ drum roll he said b. >> no, no, no, no, no. oh gosh. >> let's see if he'

>> jimmy: sch99. >> steve: sch99. >> jimmy: alexsch99.l me. [ cheers and applause >> steve: one's too many and a a million's not enough >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] then an hour later, "six white claws won't kill me. [ laughter ] this one's from @joshuagrotheer. he says, "just know that cs get degrees. >> steve: yeah [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: this is one from @tawnee. she says, "food or beer, food or beer? [ laughter and applause that's college in six words. >> steve: that's it, yeah. >> jimmy: ugghh -- >> steve: beer >> jimmy: this one's from @jenlinnriddell. she says, "way before social media, thank god." [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: our crowd is very young. >> steve: very young >> jimmy: yeah, but if you were in college before social media -- >> steve: ask your parents >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] this one is from @ariannanicolexp she says, "failing 17 classes, only in 6. [ laughter and applause college in six words this is from @krissyelyse. she says, "when in doubt, nap it out." [ laughter

>> jimmy: yes.>> i don't get any of that money. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no no, no, no, no no, no you just get to say you're in that >> i just get to say i'm in the movie. it's just the honor. >> jimmy: yeah, it's just an honor. >> the honor of being in the film >> jimmy: do people recognize you for your voice now >> yes, actually a few weeks ago i was at barnes and noble with my wife and we were looking at those little funko pop -- >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> -- figurines. and there was a little kid with his dad. d he h- a duy, like, funko thing in his hand. >> jimmy: from "toy story. >> he was holding it he was like, "yeah, yeah, this is the rabbit and the duck." my wife was like, "excuse , little boy, did you know this is ducky this guy right here is ducky." and then the dad looks at me and he goes, "a-aron!" [ laughter ] "a-aron! and then the kid is like, "why is this tall, skinny black man talking to me about bein voice of this toy that's in my hand?" >> jimmy: "nothing here makes sense. >> and then, "d

jimmy.'m the host of the show. thanks for watching, thanks for coming, thank you for joining us on another ukrainy day here in the united states. >> you know, i say this a lot, it feels like i say it every day now. but today really was nuts. it's hard to imagine that news saying that the president of the united states wanted to build an m moat filled with alligators and snakes. a report cites multiple sources who say trump wanted an moat, he wanted snakes, alligators, an electrified wall with spikes on top to keep immigrants out. he was said to be so frustrated by lack of progress on his stupid wall. at one point he shouted at everyone, i ran on this issue, you guys are making me look like an idiot, and they were like -- sorry, mr. president, tell us about this moat filled with alligators and snakes. he said shoot them in the legs to slow them down. and then he had them run a cost analysis for this plan, for the shooting and attack snakes plan, and that should be it, shouldn't that result in

>> jimmy: -- and my wife >> which vineyard was it >> jimmy: wolffer. >> who >> jimmy: i think it wasjimmy: yeah >> huh [ laughter ] >> wolffer vandelay no >> jimmy: no, it wasn't vandelay industries. it was wolffer [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: wolffer estate, they had a wine event thing >> who else was at this -- >> jimmy: his wife jessica and my wife nancy. we had to go for like a -- it was like a charity event >> what was the charity? >> yeah, what was the charity? >> jimmy: jessica's charity. baby buggies or something. [ laughter ] >> you gave him the full heimlich maneuver? >> jimmy: i did, because i didn't know what to do >> where did you learn the heimlich >> jimmy: posters. [ laughter ] ♪ >> i'm not sure. this is -- this seems a little fishy to me. >> yeah. >> they were at -- they were both at -- i feel like this whole thing -- it was an event but then they were -- they seemed like they're were just going to take -- >> out of all the people who could have taken the initiative >> yeah, it was you? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's -- that's the hole in my story then, ye

find this funny. >> no. >> jimmy: but it's creative. >> oh, good. >> jimmy: clever >> yeah. >> jimmy is? >> yeah, i really do i really, really do, if you can't tell >> jimmy: it's two figurines >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: one is president trump. >> lovely. >> jimmy: the other is the hero dog who caught the terrorist, and they're doing a "lady in the tramp" like they're about to kiss each other [ laughter ] there's a line of spaghetti between them >> is there the gingham tablecloth anywhere or - >> jimmy: yes, a there's a tiny tablecloth - >> there is. cause you didn't mention that before okay, cool >> jimmy: well, it's the scene from "lady and the tramp." >> it's the scene from "lady and the tramp. >> jimmy: pretty much. >> are they're sitting no >> jimmy: what's that? >> they sitting down no >> jimmy: yes, they're leaning into each other. >> oh, okay. [ laughter ] i think -- that you're telling the truth. no [ foghorn ]. [ buzzer ] oh good -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: what that's unbelievable. i think that's the first time i've ever won. [ cheers and applause so happy ♪ should we try one more

. >> i only make good points, jimmy. >> jimmy: that seems like a bad sign. >> what?ublging bubbling is from the earth? >> there is a pipe. >> jimmy: this is what you do in an aquarium basically. >> yeah, the sediments are polluted. >> jimmy: and we're breathing it in. you say i never take you anywhere fun. >> aye aye aye. >> is there any way you can take a picture of that and put nice music over that? white bird, by "it's a beautiful ♪ ♪ ♪ on a winter's day ♪ in the rain ♪ >> mimosa! >> jimmy: now we're in the east river. >> yes. >> jimmy: now the situation's a little bit dodgy. it is beautiful. >> there we were, a minute ago we were paddling amongst the recycling and the seepage. >> jimmy: and now here we are. >> now we're out here to the city that never sleeps. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's so funny? >> when he gets nervous, he starts laughing. he says wait a minute. hey, don't even kid about that. seemed like it was going to be the most disgusting place of the city, and it turned out to be kind of lovely. >> if you dive into the ugly, eventually, it gets pretty. >

>> jimmy: it's funny what? i love that. >> jimmy: it's got comedy in there. >> steve: i love it. i'm all for it >> jimmy: well here's the thing. as a tired parent -- >> steve: right. >> jimmy: i know about reading books. >> steve: yes, you - >> jimmy: they're too long >> steve: you're falling asleep >> jimmy: me and the baby got to get a divorce >> steve: right. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so i go -- i will read you three books, but this should be the type of book we read >> steve: right. >> jimmy: so i go like, baby's eyes, nose, fingers, toes, bottom, here you go. you hug, i love you, good night. [ talking over each other [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: time to start growing up >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: here's your first lesson, life lesson. read yourself to sleep >> steve: yeah man you do you >> jimmy: babies are smarter than we think. >> steve: babies are way smarter. they read a lot more than you th dada, mama, nana meme. mama, nana mama meme mama nana mama meme. mama ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >

>> jimmy: yeah, that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: see?alk "dickinson. >> yes >> jimmy: emily dickinson. this is on apple tv plus this is the debut of apple tv plus >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: november first >> november first, this show - >> jimmy: it's the whole thing it's brand new it's changing the game >> the whole thing is coming i know i'm very excited it's been so wonderful to see it all sort of come together, and it's actually, finally, been happening >> jimmy: how is it working with apple do you like that >> oh, yeah. it's really incredible they are -- i mean, apple. >> jimmy: yeah, i know >> they're special >> jimmy: they're pretty big but can you -- answer me this. is it like netflix where like, do you get all the episodes at once or - >> so, in our case, you will be able to get all 10 episodes of "dickinson" on november first, when the platform launches >> jimmy: wow. >> which is very exciting. and it's in my opinion, very easy to binge this show. so, very excited about that. >> jimmy: binge worthy yeah >> very binge worthy i thin

>> jimmy: m.er. i didn't spoil it. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, he was. and he has like these sort of like - he's a very thought-provoking kind of guy. have you spent time with him >> jimmy: yeah >> he's a very smart, very interesting -- >> jimmy: dude, do you know what's the best story ever >> what? >> jimmy: he was in my audience once >> i heard about this. >> jimmy: yeah >> just because he wanted to see your show. >> jimmy: and i'm going through the audience, slapping five. i go, "hey, what's up? thanks for coming. i'm like, "hey." >> m. night. >> jimmy: m. night shyamalan what are you - [ laughter ] he's like, "i'm just a fan." he's just that - he just pops up. he's magical >> i know. i'm like, do you have that amount of available time like, i thought he was working like all the time. >> jimmy: that's how he keeps his brain so tricky. >> he's so great yeah >> jimmy: i want to show a a clip here's justin hartley in next week's episode of "this is us. take a look. ♪ >> and cut fantastic. >>

>> jimmy: i did. light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah dude, we were -- i was -- i was with my wife, we were crying, but then you just put on this performance and i was, like "how do you do this every night? every show it must be exhausting. and, so i almost, like didn't go backstage because i'm, like "hey, you just worked for me for two hours. like what more do i want can you have a selfie? let's --" and you're, like "yeah, jimmy get over here let's hurry it up. >> i was very happy to take that selfie with you >> jimmy: i just wanted to say that was phenomenal. >> thanks. >> jimmy: and i really am impressed. you can sing, but you can also act. >> thanks. >> jimmy: it's great when you're doing those live shows, is there anything ever go wrong 'casue we're live here tonight. >> of course [ laughter ] well, you can tell i did a show called "book of mormon" for a couple of years. which is very funny. [ cheers and applause a very, very funny show. >> jimmy: of course. absolutely >> and i played elder cunningham

>> jimmy: yes. >> 14 zeros, yes >> jimmy: yeah, come on.go binge "nailed it!" on netflix peace out. >> jimmy: all right, bye, ghost. [ applause ] glad i could help him out. next on here is from diana brennan. "hey jimmy, i'm really excited for that new 'breaking bad' movie to come out on netflix this weekend i love "breaking bad" theme song, but i noticed it doesn't have any lyrics. could you do anything about that?" absolutely [ light laughter ] i can't wait for it either, it looks great. so in honor of "el camino: a a breaking bad movie," please welcome country music superstar trace adkins joined by the "breaking bad" choir ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ was a high school teacher till he go real sick ♪ ♪ now he's breaking bad now he's breaking bad ♪ ♪ aaron paul was hi friend who calle everybody bitch ♪ ♪ he was breaking bad also breaking bad ♪ ♪ started cooking up drug but they came out blue ♪ ♪ he was breaking bad making drugs is bad ♪ ♪ bought a pork pie hat threw a pizza on the roo ♪ cause he's breaking bad really breaking bad ♪ ♪ was a bi

no. >> jimmy: yes, yes. no, yes. >> hello? >> jimmy: hello? hello?> i'm not sure -- >> jimmy: i feel you're ignoring me. >> i've got to call you back. >> jimmy: yeah, call him back, talk to me already. >> can you tell me what's going on? >> jimmy: he doesn't know, he has no idea what's going on, guillermo will explain. >> guillermo: hi, how are you? >> great, how are you? >> guillermo: we're in l.a. and we're talking to you in new york. >> jimmy: no, we're in new york. >> guillermo: we're in new york? >> that's great. >> jimmy: has this happened to you before? >> no. i'm a little freaked out. >> jimmy: when you get in cab dozen you mute the videos? >> yes. >> jimmy: you do. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's rude, it's not nice. so we make these videos and then people don't want to hear our voices. >> sorry. >> jimmy: why even bother having microphones? you know what i'm saying. >> i do. >> jimmy: do you want to get out of the car? >> i do. >> jimmy: you can get out. >> do i have to pay you? >> jimmy: no, you don't have to pay him. >> i don't know what's happe

♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: well, hello, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host.hanks for watching. thanks for coming. you're joining us here on a day that quite literally shook the world. today is, or today was edge shakeout day, which ishe day we're supposed to practice what we'll do in the event of a major earthquake. i don't know how you practice screaming and running out to the lawn in your underpants. it's interesting. they talked a lot about earthquakes today. i forgot, what an earthquake actually is, it's technical, but basically an earthquake is when the planet sneezes and a tsunami is when the world pees a little after sneezing. so try to avoid them both. hey, speaking of shakeouts, another member of the trump administration is on his way out. secretary of energy, rick perry reportedly informed the president today that he plans to resign. he did not explain why, although i think we have a pretty good idea. perry's been secretary of energy since the beginning. but soon, like all the others, he'll be gone. when ben carson wakes up, he'll be like, where the

and now, relax, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's very kind. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us on -- you know it is doubleheader of holidays here in the united states. today is both indigenous peoples and columbus day, depending on where you stand on slavery i guess. i don't know. [ laughter ] i have to say, a lot of my -- i'm italian, or i'm an italian-american and many of my fellow italian-americans get defensive about christopher columbus. i'm not sure why. first of all, he was working for spain. he wasn't yvoneven working for italy. second, never even got to north america. he was never here. did you know that? the closest he got was the bahamas. he died thinking he went to india and found a trade route to china. he did neither one of those things. this was a guy with three boats and a bad sense of direction. [ laughter ] columbus is basically the 1492 version of the people who write first in the youtube comments section. [ laughter ] but for some reason italians think it's an insult to you are our ances

>> jimmy: i will. with the palms. pull back with the fingers. >> jimmy: what about that pat thing you had going on there. >> he's just turning it. >> all you have to do is just turn it, you ready? >> jimmy: it looks like a pizza, it looks a little like the sun. it's quite beautiful. [cheers and applause] jmynoing makeyou elit up. oh, look, the monkey can roll dough! >> so good thing. >> jimmy: you want to give it a shot? you don't have to. >> sure. >> jimmy: what the hell. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: yeah, much more elegant. >> i don't know. >> magic of television. i have one already ready that we did earlier. let's slide this one. >> jimmy: this is good, too, in case anyone tries to steal your pasta. just let them have it. >> we have one here. >> how long does it take to roll it from that to that? >> for me? >> for you. >> this is like eight minutes. >> jimmy: this is like the mat i put under my son's high chair. >> all we do is basically roll this up. i like to cut it really long. that way when y

> jimmy: j.d. going to invite you to that show but i know abc will fire you. he really is an expert. [ laughter ] tell them. are you allowed to talk about that? it's legal now, right? >> jimmy: it is legal now, yes. things are different. >> don't lie to everyone and tell them you don't smoke. >> jimmy: i've never smoked pot in my whole life, yeah. >> i think you would like it. >> jimmy: thank you, really. you know who was on the show the last time you were here? >> changing the subject? who was on the show here last time i was here? ? on your show. >> on my show in 1986? >> jimmy: yeah. it was dick but cass. and the lady who did the voice of the squirrel this "rocky and bull wing celt. >> june faray. that was a fun though story. it brings it back to my memory. june for ray was this lovely woman. she had this great gig. like you said, she was the voice of rocket j. squirrel on "rocky and bullwinkle." she was the voice of natasha on this cartoon. what a great gig, doing the voice on a dopey cartoon a

>> jimmy: how was alec >> alec is an animal >> jimmy: he is. >> as everybody knows. >> jimmy: he's a: yeah >> you know what i mean? but we came up on alec, you know, "glengarry glen ross" alec - >> jimmy: he's a good actor. he's a great actor >> and "coffee is for closers only," right >> jimmy: he's amazing >> and i think that he's, in this film, i think it reminds you with a shock of like the force of pushing you in the back of your seat, that he is really one of our great dramatic actors. he is really, really phenomenal in this film >> jimmy: he said the same about you. he was here and we were talking about it and i go, "what are you doing? he goes, "i'm doing this movie with edward norton [ light laughter ] it's a great film. wait until you see what edward does he's going to get an oscar he's going to get an oscar wait until you see what he does." i go, "okay, can't wait to see. >> did he say, "i will, too, of course but that's a given." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll win an oscar as well, yeah >> long overdue. >> jimmy: he's fantastic in it, though he's great >> he's truly fantastic

>> jimmy: on spotify >> steve: spotify. >> jimmy: amazon >> steve: sure >> jimmy: tidal. >> steve: sure jimmy: i made one up. i made that up [ laughter ] or you can see if your local music store has them they are real songs. so let's see what's on my "do not play" list here we go this one is a singer from atlanta., now lives outside his name is golden boy fospassin and he wrote a song called "happy hump day. [ laughter ] there's golden boy sitting in a chair, talking on the phone. let's take a listen to "happy hump day." here we go ♪ ♪ it's hump day monday was not goo tuesday was not good wednesday is better ♪ ♪ wednesday sounds good ha ha ha h happy hump day to you ♪ ♪ yes you yes you two more days to go ♪ >> jimmy: that's good. i'm pretty sure -- i'm pretty sure he recorded this while on his phone. >> questlove: that's james >> jimmy: that's not james that's not - james did not do that. [ laughter ] he's not monday was not good. tuesday was not good wednesday is better. >> steve: wednesday, better, but not good >> jimmy: he didn't say like wednesday is aswesome. >> steve: still not go

and now, stay put, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you for watching, thank you for coming. today was an especially blue day for dodgers fans in los angeles. dodgers lost a very tough elimination game five last night. lost on a tenth inning grand slam. the washington nationals advance for the first time in their franchise history, and that's fine, congratulations to them. so i tend to watch you spray each other with champagne. now before they celebrate the players put on ski goggles. [ laughter ] to me, if you stop to put on goggles before you're spraying champagne, forget about spraying the champagne. it's like swimming to alcatraz with floaties on. [ laughter ] our president may be the only sports fan in washington who isn't celebrating. according to a fox news poll, a majority of americans favor impeachment and removal from office. [ cheers and applause ] which is a big deal coming from fox news. we can't even get a majority of americans to agree on who should play batman. [ laughter ] this is a po

>> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: it is wonderful. it's called "jimmy's bananas in brooklyn."iterally eat myself to death. it is available for one week starting tomorrow at all ample hills stores in brooklyn, manhattan, and queens. so thanks to the folks at ample hills. if you get a chance, eat okay? our first guest is an oscar-nominated actor, physician, and sorcerer of the super type. next, he plays thomas edison in "the current war: director's cut." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome benedict cumberbatch. [cheers and applause] ♪ how you doin'? it's gra it's great to see you. >> i'm oddly nervous, i feel like we're doing a play. >> jimmy: we are doing a play. neither one of us have raid tea lines and it's going to be a big mess. when was your first time? new york? >> i was about 14. i was the token brit among the american friends who have british parents. >> jimmy: where were you? in the city? >> i was in the city. and we would shop for rollerblades which i was all into. i used to skateboard. >> jimmy: the roller blading is what really stuck in my mind. they didn't

and now, move over, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. i'm jimmy.'m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's very nice. please, relax, relax. [cheers and applause] i've been doing this show for many, many years, and believe it or not, there was a time before the president was a lunatic that the cable news channels had to cover other stuff. they had wall to wall coverage of weird stories, celebrity ia, children tranned pped in wells, ten years ago yesterday, the balloon boy hoax. a man in colorado made a bogus 911 call, claiming his 6-year-old son climbed into a weather balloon and flew away. >> my 6-year-old boy, he got inside and it took off. >> where's he at? >> he's in the air. >> he's in the air? >> yeah. he's only, he's only 6. >> jimmy: turned out, the fact that the kid was only 6 was the only true part of the call. at first everyone was panicked. it made no sense. there's no way balloon like that could lift a 60-pound kid. they closed down airports in denver. the kid was in the attic. turns out his father told

and now, back in action, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. hey, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. that's very nice. i'm glad you're here. thank you for joining us. [ cheers and applause ] it was a pretty miserable day here in los angeles. we had another wildfire. it broke out in the middle of the night last night. thousands of people had to be evacuated from their homes. even lebron james had to flee his home. he went on twitter, he wrote, "man, these l.a. fires are no joke. had to ernlmergence evacuate my house and i've been driving around with my family trying to get rooms. no luck so far." lebron found a place. i feel like lebron could have knocked on any door in l.a. yeah, sure. stay for taco tuesday. [ cheers and applause ] but we send our best to those displaced by the fires here and up north. this has become an annual tradition. every october we troofl brooklyn. when we come back, the whole place is on fire. [ laughter ] this is our first show home after a week lopg residency at the brooklyn a

>> hi there, jimmy! >> jimmy: how you doing, bear man?jimmy: bear man, we have someone you'll be excited about, the safety for the chicago bears, who has the greatest name in the world right now, clint clinton-dix. i think you just got mauled, haha. >> what's up, jimmy. how you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing good. thanks for coming up and meeting with guillermo. has the city of chicago been welcoming to you? >> it's been great. the fans have been great. >> haha, one question about your name, when you laugh at someone's texts, do you type lol or haha and if so, is that confusing? >> it's definitely confusing but i type lol. >> jimmy: all right, very good. it's quite a party going on there. guillermo, i heard you were up pretty late last night. there's a lot of screaming. by the way, these are going to become increasingly less coherent as these go on. where are you headed tomorrow, guillermo? >> guillermo: we'll be there at pittsburgh tomorrow, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo will be at the strip district in pittsburgh eating his weight in french fr

time. >> jimmy: right.. >> i did. a lot of other horrible things were taking place. so. >> jimmy: do your children understand that mommy's voice is coming out of the morticia character? >> yes. i think so. >> jimmy: do they care? >> the first animated film i did was a film called "kubo and the two strings." and i didn't tell them anything because i just wanted them to enjoy the film. and you know, but secretly i was hoping they would get it. and within two seconds the oldest just went "that's you." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was it, huh? i didn't get anything from my daughter. i played the dad in "boss baby." and i just sat there through the film staring at her waiting for a reaction. >> me too. >> jimmy: does that sound like anyone you know? [ laughter ] >> i'm so happy to hear i'm not the only weird parent. >> jimmy: it's really embarrassing when you think about it. but -- >> i know. they really loved this movie but i also think my 7-year-old is a little bit more -- and the accent was weird and now -- so

jimmy: is it?s. i don't know. there's a lot of adrenaline about being naked in front of people. >> jimmy: yes, there is. >> that sort of affects the weight of your punches. >> jimmy: it does. i did something stupid once, walking around in my underpants in front of my staff. >> how was that? >> jimmy: kind of weirdly pleasurable. >> did they like it? >> jimmy: not at all. they didn't like it, we'd take a break and i'd put on a robe, then i'd have to take off the robe. all right, enough with the robe. >> that's it. i was saying this, they were like, do you want this disgusting underwear to wear? it's like trussing a turkey. i think it's so much better to be nude and not embellish it and not go from modesty to -- >> jimmy: just embrace it. listen, i am 98% naked anyway, we might as well go all the way. >> just do it. >> jimmy: have your parents seen the film yet? >> they haven't. we were supposed to have the premiere on monday. but it was canceled. but i want them to pay for it anyways. >> jimmy: did

jimmy, don't take this one. jimmy, don't take this one. thanks, kate. >> jimmy: i'm sorry.hen someone gives me a gift, i have no choice but to take it. this is hard not to believe. all is not well in the white house right now. the president and his minions have been telling everyone that the allegations that have mo morphed into an impeachment year are not true. this is a man who is appointed by donald trump. the inspector put out a statement debunking many of the president's claims, including that the whistle-blower was citing second and third-hand information. to that he said the complainant had expertise. and as far as trump saying almost everything the whistle-blower shade was wrong, the complaint was both urgent and appeared credible. so it was urgent and basically, the ig gave the president an fu is what happened. so the inspector specifically says trump and his supporters are wrong. the whistle-blower had first hand information that is credible and urgent. in a normal situation, that would be that. but in this case, we apply the fundamental theory on which the trump

jimmy, back to you.eers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo, for that brave and thorough report. and i, on behalf of the world, we demand a meatball emoji. if i have to get arrested like jane fonda to get it, i will. we're going to prison, guillermo, so go get your things. damn it, you better give us a meatball emoji or -- well, nothing's going to happen, but we want one. i can see everyone's pretty fired up about this. let's continue on. tonight, we have music from camp. from the new terminator, linda hamilton is here and we'll be right back with ewan mcgregor. so stick around. ♪ >>> abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by jeep. (kermit) fozzie! you're on my tv! (fozzie) kermit! (fozzie) and you're on my tv! (dr. teeth) and i'm on both your tvs. (miss piggy) and of course, moi is on tv. (statler & waldorf) nobody cares! hahaha! (dr. teeth) woah woah woah. how are we all on each other's tvs? (animal) me on tv! (fozzie) oh i believe i have the answer. you see... (miss piggy) the thing on the t

some people think i'm jimmy kimmel. >> some people think i'm jimmy fallon.cided to make a quick video to explain who's who and what's what. >> we understand why people get us confused. the names. >> mm-hm. >> we both wear suits. we both have shows. >> both have dark hair. both white guys, which is not as exciting as it used to be. >> definitely not. >> but the truth is we're different jimmys in a lot of ways. i was born in brooklyn, new york. >> i was born in brooklyn, too. >> not a great example by me. but we're different. what did jimmy fallon have for breakfast today? >> i had oatmeal with baby carrots on top. >> that's what i had, but that's a pretty common breakfast. >> totally. >> count of three, name your five favorite breakfast cereals, ready? >> fruit loops, lucky charms, frosted flakes, count chocula, trix. >> they're very popular. >> like pizza's everyone's favorite for lunch. >> certainly is mine. >> mine too. i love pizza. i'm wearing pizza underpants right now. look at this. look here. >> uh. no way. nipples. >> did you say nipple? >> mm-hm. >>

and now, for good measure, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks very much. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching the though and thank you for coming to the show. [ cheers and applause ] well, that's very kind, but we have -- oh, we have so much to get to. on yet another day of drama and international intriguen the scandals are multiplying. the wheels are coming off the wagon. i would say the president is starting to unravel, but that would imply he was raveled in the first place. i think he might be smoking black market vapes. trump tweeted and retweeted more than 100 times this weekend. since friday the president has retweeted 130 times and counting. these are his tweets. and he's playing all the hits. he called this the greatest witch hunt in the history of our country. even his witch hunts are the greatest in the history. [ laughter ] he wrote, "if that perfect phone call with the president of ukraine isn't considered appropriate, then no future president can ever again speak to another foreign leader." right. all overseas phone call

"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- vice president joe biden, from "stumptown," cobie smulders, celebrities read mean tweets, and music from james blake. and now, if you don't mind, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi, welcome. audience, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching it. thank you for coming. and thank you for joining us for this on another nutso day here in the united states, when ukraines it pours. i don't know about you, but i am soakin' wet right now. so here's what's goin' on. one day after the speaker of the house started a formal impeachment inquiry into the actions of our orange julius caesar, the white house fired back and countered with a summarized transcript of the president's call with the president of ukraine. this is if oj told chris dardin, hey, you found my glove! the whistle-blower came floored because he or she believe trump pressured the president of ukraine, this is what the whistle-blower said happened. trump said that did not happen and release

look at that guy. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: john krasinski. gram away get your family y'all hold hands and pray♪ ♪ when you got daughters always keep 'em safe watch out for vipers don't let them♪ ♪ indoctrinate closed on sunday you my chick-fil-a you're my number one with the lemonade ♪ raise our sons ♪ raise them in the faith to temptations make sure they're wide awake♪ ♪ follow jesus listen and obey no more livin' for the culture♪ ♪ we nobody's slave stand up for my home even if i take this walk alone♪ ♪ i bow down to the king up on the throne my life is his i'm no longer my own♪ ♪ i pray to god that he'll strengthen my hand they will think twice steppin' into my land♪ ♪ i draw the line it's written in the sand try me and you will see that i ain't playin'♪ ♪ now, back up off my family move your hands i got my weapons in the spirit's land♪ ♪ jezebel don't even stand a chance jezebel don't even stand a chance♪ ♪ ♪ chick-fil-a >> we want to teach you a song today, is that all right? you want to sing? >> yeah. >> come on, let's sing, let's sing.

and now, go on, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you.f the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us here in hollywood. where i'm sure a lot of people are very busy monitoring the events in washington for a future multipart dock yew drama starring nick nolte as donald trump. between trump and the joker it was quite a weekend for villains in a lot of makeup. [ laughter ] we learned yesterday that a second whistle has blown. this one reportedly has firsthand information about the president's call to ukraine. and there are said to be multiple other whistle-blowers waiting in the wings. which made for a busy sunday morning. they have these political shows on sunday morning. yesterday they had trouble even booking anyone to defend trump. which -- [ laughter ] for real. i'd love to have my ass handed to me on tv. my daughter has a soccer game. maybe next week. [ laughter ] trump doesn't know who the new whistle-blower is, but he still called that person a partisan this morning. which is like -- it's like eating a s