you know >> jimmy: yeah, yeah what are you - >> what if -- and it was food from jimmy jimmy sent me aan, we smashed that shepherd's pie >> jimmy: right, you know what i'm saying >> i didn't know that i would eat so much food [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> we tord that shepherd's pie up so thank you, again, everybody needed that and you are the best >> jimmy: i love you, i love you. i heard that you just did a movie with adam sandler. is that true >> yes, i love, man. >> jimmy: how is -- how was adam sandler he's the greatest. >> adam sandler is so -- >> jimmy: you guys together, i'm going to freak out >> we were in philly, too. i mean, it was crazy yes. we -- we did a movie called "hustle. i cannot wait for you all to see it my dream came true i play adam's wife >> jimmy: yes. [ cheers and applause that's what i'm talking about. >> yes, i have a quest >> jimmy: love, it is the best thing. >> he is the best and it was just so much fun working with him and just like -- you know, he's carrying around a bucket of music, you know. it's just like, this bucket box of sound and - >> jimmy: an

you -- are you jimmy fallon?number one, too >> jimmy: yeah, i appreciate it thanks buddy [ laughter ] i once crashed a wedding with michael jordan >> i believe that. >> yeah, that's -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, now you got to ask questions! >> that's like a weird famous person - >> okay. >> that would easily - >> yeah, exactly exactly. >> jimmy: you're not even -- you're not even going to interrogate me >> no, because it's obviously true >> well, where did you meet michael jordan like, where -- like -- >> jimmy: i was at a - >> -- what preceded this >> very good question. >> thank you >> jimmy: this could be a -- this could be a -- [ laughter ] i was at a -- a charity golf tournament >> that's a lie. that part is a lie [ laughter ] that was a lie and i know you're lying right now that's not how you met him it was a different event we won't get into the details. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was that the other thing? no, derek jeter's golf tournament >> oh, i know this is gonna line up this story because i've also met

: oh, no >> straight to his head, jimmy >> jimmy: oh, you created a monster. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yous agent's number yeah - >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- so he can get booked for parties and stuff jeez >> it's always been a nightmare. >> jimmy: yeah, well, i'll have to talk -- i'll have to talk with wally >> thank you if you would, i would really appreciate it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would totally. you know what i did see that you -- that you did -- you brought back, because now bars are open, but you're day drinking segment >> yeah, i went day drinking >> jimmy: you went day drinking with lorde >> i did >> jimmy: it was very funny. [ cheers and applause how -- how was that to get back out there? >> it was good i -- i hate to break celebrity gossip - >> jimmy: oh >> -- because that's never been what i'm about, but lorde is younger than me. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that right? >> lorde is younger than me. and when day drinking started, i was acutely aware of that. >> jimmy: mm-hmm >> and then the more i drank, the more i thought, "we're just young people [ laughter ] lorde and i

>> jimmy: no, i got a patchy >> hm. >> jimmy: it's very big.there. [ cheers and applause >> okay. it's all right all right. it's okay. it's all right it's all right you got to really -- >> that's super "dune" over there. >> jimmy: tariq's got a good beard. [ applause ] he's got a good beard game going. but that's -- that's what i'm talking about, right there "dune" beard is what i'm talking about. and i know you -- in the film, timothee chalamet is your son. >> he's my little boy. >> jimmy: that's hilarious boy.ittle boy. [ laughter ] how did you guys bond? you and -- >> i just would hold him a lot [ laughter ] stroke him >> jimmy: that's so funny. >> he was the best, because, you know, it's like, i can't just be like, "i'm your dad. >> jimmy: of course not. >> he's got to treat me like that you know and it's that old adage of, you know, from theater school, where it's like, the king doesn't show the audience who the king is. it's the court - >> jimmy: yes. >> -- that tells the audience who the king is. >> jimmy: ah >> you know, it's 'cause --

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone, thank you. ♪ thank you, i appreciate it. hi, welcome. thanks, fellas. very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] we are coming to you from our home in los angeles where the spirits are very high right now after a glorious night for dodgers fans last night. [ cheers and applause ] and a terrible one for st. louis. if you didn't watch it, the dodgers prevailed in one of the most exciting wild card finishes ever. a walk-off home run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, the whole thing. and it's funny because you think of baseball along with hot dogs and apple pie -- a very old-timey american sport. but the game last night, if you thought it was exciting in english, wait until you hear it in russian, korean, and japanese. [ speaking foreign language ] [ speaking foreign language ] [ speaking foreign language ] >> jimmy: take that, soccer! [ cheers and applause ] that's fun. the best

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. thank you. i'm jimmy.'m the host. thank you for coming. very nice. thanks for watching as we are -- [ cheers and applause ] thanks for being here. we are at our headquarters here in hollywood where it's both pumpkin spice and flu season. [ laughter ] not a coincidence. every year -- it seems like flu season comes earlier every year. my neighbors already put their flu decorations up for two weeks now. [ laughter ] dr. fauci says americans should get their flu shots as soon as possible. and we always listen to what he says, so listen to what he says. you know, i was thinking about it and for years, people have just been getting the flu shot. it wasn't a big deal. and i think that's because we call it the flu shot, not the flu vaccine, even though it is vaccine -- [ laughter ] "vaccine" sounds controversial now. whereas shot just sounds like something you do on spring break. [ laughter ] i think i just solved covid. [ applause ] youtube is finally doing something to slow down the vaccine misinformation train.

>> jimmy: people say, "oh, my god. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: or "omg. >> steve: yep, omg, sure >> jimmy> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] o-m? >> steve: o-m. >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: i'm going to start saying figuratively instead of literally. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: you know what i mean people will go, "he literally blew my brains out." you know what i mean >> jimmy: yeah, yeah he figuatively - >> steve: no, he figuratively blew my brains, it was crazy [ laughter ] >> jimmy: o-m! >> steve: o-m! >> jimmy: o-m. >> steve: ommm >> jimmy: mmm. hello. >> steve: hello. hi [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, the phrase doing my own research, for being a fancy way of saying i'm checking my aunt's facebook wall [ laughter and applause ♪ [ laughter ] thank you, ihop's now reese's pieces pancakes. looks good, but should we really be adding candy to a perfectly healthy pile of cake, butter, and syrup? [ laughter and applause >> steve: come on. come on. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, seventh inning stretch, for correctly assuming i haven't gotten up once in the last three hours [ laught

the winner is jimmy!s. >> steve: there you go >> thank you >> jimmy: yeah, you take care of your friends. >> this is this the best game! all the puppies. [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] >> jimmy: look at all the puppies. >> oh, my gosh >> jimmy: our thanks to chrissy teigen and all these adorable puppies stick around for more "tonight show," everybody happy halloween! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪them man are doing this thing part time♪ ♪no i'm doing this thing all day♪ ♪i put in the work all day i put in the work all day♪ ♪look, no i don't care what you think or say♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i put in the work all day♪ ♪♪ got this gorgeous italian leather bag from marshalls. it was such a deal! ♪♪ with the capital one venture card, you earn unlimited double miles everywhere. but where can we use them? you can use them on any travel purchase—not just some travel purchases. venture gets a gold star! what's in your wallet? when you're driving a

>> jimmy: yeah.nly problem is he's dressed as mr. spock. [ laughter ] the blue shirt was spock, captain kirk wore a gold shirt. [ applause ] that you saw right there is vintage bill de blasio. in an effort to ingratiate himself to a small cotillion of middle-aged nerds who would be excited to learn he's a fellow a fellow trekkie. he winds up looking like a phony to them and a loser to all the rest of us. [ laughter ] >> i want to remind everyone of the prime directive, "live long and prosper -- with candy." >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] will someone please vulcan nerve pinch this man out of his misery? whoever wrote that hates him, right? [ cheers and applause ] mayor deblasio wasn't our only elected official goofing around in costume today. senator mitt romney came to work dressed as ted lasso. [ laughter ] or super mario, we really don't know which one. [ laughter ] and then, he stopped by fellow republican kyrsten sinema's office. she went dressed as ted's boss, rebecca. he handed her biscuits. the

jimmy: oh.t seemed like a long -- anyway, that doesn't matter. i thought facebook was intended to be a way to keep up with the people you care about. and it's become something else. >> you're exactly right, that's exactly what it's for. for instance, we know that you really care about someone named stacy robowski? >> jimmy: oh yeah, that's a girl i had a crush on in high school. >> okay, yeah, that would explain why you were looking at her profile last night at 2:00 a.m. [ audience moans ] >> jimmy: that must be a glitch in your system or something, i wasn't doing that. >> a glitch. one of those middle-of-the-night, your-wife-is-sleeping, why not poke an ex glitch? >> that's not an ex, she never wanted anything to do with me, that was totally -- >> but i can understand why you'd be confused based on your location data. i can see here that on sunday, you went to costco, then to a cannabis dispensary called long bong silver's. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait. you're tracking where i go? >> yes. becaus

jimmy to the floor ♪ >> jimmy: whoa what is this >> jimmy, it's time to go back to where it all startedback to the matrix >> jimmy: what is the red pill >> a key that shows you just how deep the rabbit hole goes. >> jimmy: and what is the blue pill >> ivermectin. [ laughter ] horse de-wormer. >> jimmy: hard pass. i gotta go do the show >> what if i told you the show has already started? [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests - john cena, j balvin and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 1511 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that is a crowd right there. welcome, everybody [ cheers and applause welcome, everybody welcome to "the tonight show." i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause guys, we are coming to you after the first nfl game of the season between the dallas cowboys and the tampa bay buccaneers [ cheers and applause the buccaneers are trying t

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. thank you. welcome, welcome.i, there. that's very nice. thank you. thanks. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] we are back to work. thank you for braving the elements to be with us on a rare day of rain here in southern california. this morning, everyone in l.a. went in the closet and found their one and only waterproof jacket. [ laughter ] oh, my boots are here. it's so funny when it rains here. my favorite thing is seeing how my co-workers dress. usually everyone is in jeans, maybe a button down shirt. but the second there's a drizzle, everyone shows up dressed like the gorton's fisherman. [ laughter ] it's incredible. you know we had an earthquake yesterday at 7:00 a.m. it measured a magnitude of 3.6. for those of who are not familiar with what that means, i don't know, no one does. i didn't even feel it. >> i didn't feel it either. >> jimmy: were you in bed when it happened? >> i woke up around 8:00 or something. [ laughter ] so i didn't feel it at all. >> jimm

they can't see into the future >> jimmy: did you write "jimmy, jimmy" thinking of me?ee those movies, and what did you think of them >> i saw them both and i was -- i regret that i turned down catwoman that was pretty serious. "showgirls" no but i also turned down the role in "the matrix." can you believe that >> jimmy: you did? >> i wanted to kill myself >> jimmy: oh, stop it. you're madonna >> that's like one the best movies ever made >> jimmy: you don't regret anything look at you. >> a teeny tiny part of me regrets that just one moment in my life. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: madonna -- wow you're unbelievable. why? why? why are you such a trouble maker? why? >> because - >> jimmy: just stop. >> because artists are just here to disturb the peace. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just stop. just be good [ cheers and applause be -- behave >> i will. >> jimmy: please behave. >> okay. >> jimmy: madonna, i can't even tell you -- i really do mean this i love you, and i'm honored to have you here. and i just love you. you're one in a million. [ cheers and applause madonna! "madame

jimmy: day!and applause i don't know i don't know i don't know how it happened >> steve: wow! how'd you do it. >> jimmy: i don't know how it - i don't know how it happened [ laughter ] hey, i read that the owner of a circus in ireland is struggling to hire clowns because apparently they all left the country during the pandemic [ laughter ] you can tell the clowns were irish, because they just left without telling anyone [ laughter ] [ applause ] and finally, this is going viral. someone caught a video of a florida man calmly dealing with a pretty stressful situation. watch this [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: yeah in florida, that's actually how you become governor. [ cheers and applause we have a great show, give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: what a show we have for you tonight. he just kicked off his new "papi juancho" tour. you can get tickets at maluma.online. maluma is here maluma is in the building! [ cheers and applause

i was like, "ironically, i'll be with jimmy. >> jimmy: we're actually hanging out. >> yeah. >> jimmy:e couldn't carry it >> jimmy: wait, sorry. you were at a pumpkin patch. >> yes >> jimmy: we're not surprised about that but then a guy - >> i love the patch. >> jimmy: but then a guy got you a pumpkin? >> weirdly, i have this whole life lesson with olive about letting it go. we couldn't carry it you've got to, like, make your peace with it. and she really did and then we got to the checkout stand and this guy wheel barrowed it up but we both started crying [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because you already said goodbye to that pumpkin >> and she had, like, learned to love and let go and then i started crying and then we were like, "it's a a halloween miracle! >> jimmy: miracle! a halloween miracle, please. >> and then she had this beautiful, like, jesus around his neck and i started having, like, a religious moment [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god >> i did >> jimmy: like jesus bringing you a pumpkin? >> yes, and i was like, "thank you so much. then here is the weirdest thing. i was like -- fi

>> i love you, jimmy >> jimmy: thank you.u too [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: idris elba is on the show >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: come on, this -- [ cheers and applause he's still -- he's still the sexiest man alive. >> steve: i love that man. >> jimmy: love that guy. plus, one of my favorites, she's so cool, she stars in the scary new movie "antlers." keri russell is here >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i mean, one of the coolest ever just fun and cool. and we have an in studio performance -- i believe tonight is her first performance in front of a live audience since the pandemic. [ cheers and applause i'm obsessed with her. sabrina carpenter is on the show >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: "skinny dipping. i can't stop listening to this song you want to hear a little -- a a little bit of this >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: okay, check this out ♪ here's the part. this is it ♪ it'll be a wednesday ♪ ♪ and i'll be going in this coffee sho hear the barista calling ♪ ♪ oat milk latt and your nam and i look up ♪ ♪

: wow.pplause >> jimmy: wow.de the wining pizza we have a special guest serving as our master pizza judge, he's founder of scott's pizza tours. runs a pizza theme non-profit slice out hunger and holds the guinness world record for largest collection of pizza boxes. please welcome scott wiener. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show, thank you, scott i wasn't doing that -- >> tariq: whatev >> jimmy: i wasn't doing that - >> tariq: okay, okay >> jimmy: i didn't do this after i saw scott. just quick little fist bump that's all >> tariq: yep. >> jimmy: thanks for being here i appreciate you coming to the show i love your videos, your work. and i also love your book. you have the world's largest collection of pizza boxes. >> i do, it's true >> jimmy: when did it start? recently or no >> no, man like 12 years ago i started collecting pizza boxes and noticed that they're not all the same and you know, they're pieces of art, you know. when they have a pizza in them, pizza box, when flipped vertical, art. >

>> no. >> jimmy: no. okay. >> no. >> jimmy: all right.back. you -- do you ever put on the costume for like a party or anything? do you have the costume? >> no, no. that's the thing. i never -- over the decade or so of doing the "avengers" and all that sort of stuff, i never took anything because they asked us not to. and my mom taught me well. so i never took anything, right? all the other "avengers"s took stuff. the dirt bags. thor's got his hammer. >> jimmy: chris hemsworth has the hammer the bathroom of his house. and not just one hammer, a whole bunch of hammers. >> what a dirtbag! >> jimmy: if you were to open the tool box in his garage, there is a whole bunch in there. >> so i finally asked after doing the tv series, i'm like, because i god asked to be the valet guy at my daughter's school gentleman what does that mean, the valet guy? >> they need help when you drop off your kid at school that. >> need an adult, hey, what classroom are you going in, you walk them to the classroom. i say fine, if i'm going to do it, i'm going to do i

>> jimmy: yeah. >> you've hosted how many times? >> jimmy: the emmys?t. >> jimmy: thank you. but that's not going to help either of us. >> i don't know what the answer to that is. in 1968 katharine hepburn got an oscar and she shared it. with barbra streisand. so it's possible that it could be a duo. >> jimmy: who is the murderer on "only murders in the building"? can you just say? >> i can't do that. you know that. >> jimmy: i was telling you during the commercial break. the show is very funny. i've also become caught up in wanting to know who the murderer is. and i don't want the ruin it, because i know people catch up, but there's somebody it seems like it definitely is, which means it definitely can't be that guy. but then we've got sting, who's on the show, who is one of the suspects at playing sting and maybe sting is going to come back in and be the murderer. >> boy, jimmy, you're like a sleuth. >> jimmy: thank you. >> no, really. i'm just -- my head is spinning with all your thoughts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you and sting socialize or is it ju

>> steve: yeah [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's our dude. >> steve: that's my man. >> jimmy: plus the new film "vacation friends" on hulu. meredith hagner is here. [ cheers and applause and we've got a great in-studio performance tonight from baby keem. >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: it's awesome, by the way. i saw rehearsals, and oh, man, it's great guys, did you ever see a photo in the news and think that headline could be much better? i'll show you what i mean. it's time for "news and improved." here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ news and improved ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: for example, check out this first photo the original headline was "biden directs federal aid." the headline could definitely be improved, because if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been "man drops corn cob right before his first bite." [ laughter and applause chomp. let's check out this next photo. the regional headline was "putin unveils new fighter jet. but if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been "slow day for the bouncers at coldstone creamery. [ laughter and

jimmy kimmel billie eilish >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- billie eilish -- and zach galifianakis -- and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. i appreciate that, thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. i'm glad you're watching. thank you for joining us here tonight in hollywood, california, on another billionaire blast-off day. did you see the launch this morning? this morning in texas. blue origin, the company founded by jeff bezos, prime-delivered their second group of civilian passengers into space and back today. and guess who's in that rocket? t.j. hooker himself, william shatner. he is now the oldest person ever to go to space. he's 90 years old. which you don't launch a 90-year-old man into space. [ laughter ] his testicles are probably mid-leg already, put 5 gs on those, they could kill everyone on board. that's how kenny rogers died. but he made it back alive. tank god. can you imagine if jeff bezos killed captain kirk? [ laughter ] and then turned to camera and started s

let's start with that. >> okay. >> jimmy: "casino royal. >> cranes. >> jimmy: yes! think the rooftop chase in siena, which was the beginning of the movie, a lot of - before i started "bond," i had a genuine fear of heights. i mean, like not great at all -- and when i -- i don't anymore. >> jimmy: wow. [ laughter ] >> but i had to get up there, and sort of like incrementally go higher and higher and higher and higher and eventually i was sort of leaping out of windows onto moving busses it was quite an arc. >> jimmy: wow! [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: "skyfall." >> judi dench. that's easy. >> jimmy: yeah >> i mean, you know, the fact that i got to work with her on three movies and she's one of the most glorious, delicious human beings on planet earth >> jimmy: she is, right? >> yeah. [ laughter ] she looked that way. yeah, yeah, yeah >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: also, she does who doesn't love judi dench? but also i remember adele doing the theme. >> and having -- >> jimmy: adele >> i mean, it's all -- >> jimmy: yeah "spectre." >> we did the biggest explosion in

>> jimmy: yeah >> okay. >> jimmy: all right.is in -- what is in box number five >> oh, my gosh so this is a - >> jimmy: you're lying [ laughter ] oh, wait >> so maybe i don't know how to say something in english so -- >> jimmy: okay >> you know. >> jimmy: okay >> is it pumpkin >> jimmy: okay, that sounds about right. topical. >> okay. with three people taking -- it's like a jacuzzi pumpkin. [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: i just want to hear you say jacuzzi pumpkin, like, forever. "this is jacuzzi pumpkin." [ laughter ] okay >> gonna get better. >> jimmy: all right. it says, three people in the pumpkin? [ laughter ] what >> in the jacuzzi. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh >> okay. one is -- i really don't know who these people are, but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you should know them >> they're -- they're murderers. [ laughter ] they're, like, bad people. this is bad people >> jimmy: okay, these are three murderers in a pumpkin hot tub [ laughter ] now, if this is a lie, then i will give you a million dollars. there's no way you ca

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy.'m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm glad you're in a good mood, because i tell you what, you picked a fun one to be at. we have a legendary lineup for you tonight. a ringo starr-studded show. [ cheers and applause ] one of the beatles, ringo starr, is here. to save us. and we have american royalty in the building tonight, too. olympic gold medalist simone biles. [ cheers and applause ] and the doobie brothers with tom johnston and michael mcdonald. [ cheers and applause ] i'll tell you something. personally, cleto and i have been looking forward to this since we were 12 years old. [ laughter ] since we wore socks pulled all the way up to our knees. we get two songs from the doobies tonight. what a night. what a magical time of year this is. the smell of pumpkin spice is everywhere. literally everywhere. [ laughter ] i read this today. a team of research scientists looked into why this pumpkin spice is so popular. turns out, it's not because of the

middle finger. >> jimmy: got it. >> this second fret. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> little finger. >> jimmy>> yeah, yeah, that's okay. now struck. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: was that good? >> perfect. >> jimmy: that's it, i know how to play the guitar. >> it's playing the guitar. >> jimmy: now i never move these fingers and i'll be fine. >> that is the point of my story. >> jimmy: yes. >> is that really, there is so much fear involved in learning. and you just need to persevere. and i recommend that you, you know, watch reruns of "the love boat" while moving between the first chord. turn the sound down, if you want. any kind of show that you want. sit in front of the tv playing along, and before you know where you are, your fingers will move without thinking. ♪ the love boat ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i'll be singing along, yeah. >> my feeling is that if you can master these three chords, there are many songs that are based just on three chords. if you can learn a fourth chord, you've got 10,000 songs. so my story of how to play the guitar and y is based on this. but i presented it n

>> jimmy: no.> jimmy: oh, really? >> and he doesn't speak much, but i understand him better than this yehya. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you seem to get it just enough to win the game. and you did pretty well. yehya's already forgotten both of your names. [ laughter ] >> yeah, he called me kapoor, pretty sure. he did. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who was the first celebrity that you guys, before you were famous or before you'd come to hollywood, saw in the wild? >> you go first. >> jimmy: i'm not talking about a movie set. >> who did you find in the wild? >> my first time in l.a., i went to the arc light theater. >> jimmy: that's where i met yehya. [ laughter ] >> really? >> jimmy: yep. >> i saw keanu reeves there. i remember thinking, his butt is really small. [ laughter ] it was so small and adorable. i was like, wow, keanu, you have a little butt. the magic of hollywood. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: salma, how about you? >> oh -- i remember one time i was in a restaurant. and stevie wonder walked in. i'm a

>> guillermo: yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: incredible, yes?> guillermo: it was nice, yeah. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: i watched it with my son. >> jimmy: i was with my daughter. my son was asleep, he missed the whole thing. we watched this for hours. after a whole day without instagram, it was like the sky was screaming "post me! post me!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] show some of that video. this is what we were seeing here in l.a. for hours, it just kept happening. really, i think it made a penis shape there, right? [ laughter ] i don't know, i see them everywhere. [ laughter ] the lightning storm actually caused a 35-minute delay of the monday night football game last night, which was funny because this is the chargers' logo. [ laughter and applause ] it's like a miami game getting delayed by dolphins. so the game was delayed, for safety i guess and, of course, the announcers were left with the job of killing an unspecified amount of time. >> at the very top of the upper decks here at sofi stadium, there is some open exposure. so i

>> howard university >> jimmy: that's right >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: how is that going?'s -- it's going well i got a call about a month or so ago that i had fulfilled my requirements >> jimmy: no way [ cheers and applause >> yeah. >> jimmy: hey, bud >> thank you >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i'm talking about, buddy >> i have fulfilled my requirements i think i have one class to take in the spring, but i will be walking spring 2022 to get my degree. i started -- [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: ah - >> thank you >> jimmy: congrats buddy >> i started howard university as a freshman, 1988. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, 1988. i am getting my degree from howard, 2022 >> jimmy: yeah, that's the best [ laughter ] >> you do the math >> jimmy: you do the - >> you do the math i don't want -- i don't know, carry the one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. >> if you do the math, you add this over here i don't know it's a lot >> jimmy: i love that you did it, though you know, you're like -- you're like, "oh, i'm going to do it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then you did it.

jimmy: yes?mmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> because i never have people to my house. never. >> jimmy: do you -- >> you're not getting invited to my house. >> jimmy: no, i don't expect to be invited. i will, i would love to try it again. are you forgetful? do you often mess up -- >> i don't write anything down. i think i'm smart enough to retain it in my head. oh, dinner with jimmy on monday, okay. all right, it's in my head, i've noted it in my head. but -- you know. it doesn't work out that way. >> jimmy: right, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> god forbid you forget a doctor's appointment. which happens. >> jimmy: you do that? yeah. >> yeah, they hate it. >> jimmy: they don't like it. >> oh, the doctor. oh, oh, the doctor's precious time! is wasted! [ laughter ] oh, oh! the doctor! then you get calls from the doctor's assistant for the next two weeks. >> jimmy: oh, why? >> to remind you. >> jimmy: because they think you're -- >> "the doctor was upset that you didn't show up." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah well, may

>> jimmy: sting. >> he's mentioned. >> jimmy: yeah >> he's not in the clip. >> jimmy: oh, no, sorry. rim shot ] i think -- >> yeah. >> anybody else, you want to be in the clip? [ laughter ] >> hey, springsteen is in it >> jimmy: beyonce's in it. [ talking over each other >> marlon brando >> jimmy: marlon brando's in it he says he's still in it okay, i'm sorry. i'm going to stop now. >> maybe we should just show the clip >> jimmy: all right, yeah. >> let it speak for itself >> jimmy: it's your show [ laughter ] let's take a look at "only murders in the building. take a look. >> the title of their podcast is "dimas chicken wraps presents, colon, only murders in the building. [ laughter ] >> i do love dimas chicken wraps. >> teddy, do you understand how huge fallon is in greece [ laughter ] do you know what my cousins back on nisyros are going to do when they see this they're going to [ bleep ] themselves, oli! they're going to squat right down on their goat fields and [ bleep ] themselves in envy [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's fantastic >> there's no one funnier an

>> jimmy: i am. >> congratulations. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thanks.o it 63. >> i very much like it. because it's been this way since the beginning. even when i was like 15, 14. you know, touring and doing stuff. there would be people in meet and greets that were in their 40s and i loved that. they were genuine fans, and it made me very happy. >> jimmy: good, it's good that you like it. >> so hi, guys. [ cheers and applause ] did you see william shatner went into space? >> no. >> jimmy: yeah, william shatner, who was captain kirk on "star trek." >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: would you go into space? >> i would literally rather do anything else. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: me too. >> i hate the idea. liking if on a ferry for months. anything else, i'd rather do. >> jimmy: i have no interest in going to space. can talk -- >> somebody asked me once -- my mom was like, we got an email from a girl who used to know mom, would billie want to go space and sing? [ laughter lau [ laughter ] and i was like, no, never. >> jimmy: did this woman have any connecton to the space i

and yeah >> jimmy: i want to go on a country walk >> you should try that outfit, jimmy.mmy: which has also taken off. and i know, from having interviewed people, how hard this business is, how many years go into making something like this. it's very difficult to take off and launch and you did it congratulations. >> thank you yeah, it's been a passion of mine and was a big dream of mine to really focus on clean beauty so, beauty formulas, and packaging, that are clean. but, you know, products that are the ultimate in luxury, at an affordable luxury price point. products that really work. products i've never been able to find in my makeup bag and i'm a bit obsessed with makeup >> jimmy: you are, yeah. >> and also making sure it's inclusive, so that you can find the perfect product no matter what skin tone you have is really key so, inclusivity, clean beauty, but the ultimate in luxury that was my goal, and i saw a space in the market where nobody else is doing that. and it's going very well thank you. >> jimmy: and you did it [ cheers and applause i'm so happy to see you

>> jimmy: we did, right?ear evan hansen. but i also want to talk to you about your -- your -- your musical abilities. you can -- you can sing. [ cheers and applause >> yeah, thanks. i mean, would you -- are -- are -- would you ever put out music as you like, just - >> totally yeah i'm in route to that into really sing music. >> jimmy: do you record anything >> mm-hm, yeah i have a single dropping soon. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: wait, what >> yeah. >> jimmy: dude, that's fantastic. >> mm-hm >> jimmy: and how does it -- do you get nervous when you -- when you do these things and, you're like -- because like, i watch this movie and i'm like, "oh, if i even did one scene of that, i can do it joking around," but really singing in front of all these people and ben platt as well, i go, "whew. >> oh, yeah, so nervous. yeah, cause i come from film, you know so i wasn't -- like, i'm not well versed in the world of musical theater. and my scene in particular, i remember talking to kaitlyn dever before we shot the

>> goose. >> jimmy? >> jimmy kimmel.s like i need to pay closer attention to what's going on that to these important people. >> then you wouldn't be on tv. >> i know! >> name as many nobel prize winners as you can or as many strains of pot as you can. >> einstein. i'll say marie curie, possibly. and -- i don't know. i guess obama won one a couple of years ago. >> ding ding ding! that was a surprise twist. way to go. [ applause ] >> jimmy: nobody's going to get a nobel prize for this. this is from sarasota, florida. they have a mask mandate for students. they want the kids to wear masks, which doesn't seem like much to ask, during a pandemic. but it upset some parents so much, they decided to stage a protest outside the chairwoman of the school board's house. >> i see you in there, shirley, we want you to come out for a redress of grievances. we know the next step is from mask to vaccine, and this will not happen. this is the line we will die on. >> that's right! no to vaccines! no to vax! >> jimmy: okay. says a guy who i

applause >> jimmy: thank you very much!at that crowd listen to that crowd thank you. i'll give it right back to you, please enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." you're here. you're watching. you made it, thank you [ cheers and applause well, guys, the national institutes of health just announced that people who got the johnson and johnson vaccine are better off getting a a booster from pfizer or moderna. now those people have to decide, "do i tell johnson and johnson i'm seeing other vaccines or do i just ghost them completely? yep. the other vaccines are more effective than johnson and johnson.url, "things you don't to be a scientist to know. meanwhile the deadline for federal employees to get the vaccine is coming up and the tsa just announced 40% of its employees are still unvaccinated [ audience boos if they get fired, they're going to be at an employment agency like, "is there another job where i can run my hands down people's legs [ laughter ] governor of new york?" >> steve: hey!

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you.elcome. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, everybody. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. i hope that those of you watching at home are safe and sound as a storm pounds the northeastern united states, threatening halloween celebrations this weekend, particularly in new england, where they are already threatened by humans, by people who are trying to take halloween away. [ laughter ] i know the country is very divided right now. but this i believe might be the kind of thing that will unite us. maybe not. probably not. but there's a school district in melrose, massachusetts just a few miles north of boston that has decided to, quote, deemphasize halloween. and not because of covid. it has nothing to do with covid. schools will not host their annual halloween festivities this year thanks to a new policy superintendent julie kukenberger sent a letter to parents saying over the past several years mps has worked to deemphasize

>> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> steve: yeah, come on, >> jimmy: that's so funny.ofoam. oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] just makes you laugh ♪ applebee's ♪ >> tariq: he get's extra syllables out of his words >> jimmy: yeah ♪ applebee ♪ ♪ in whip cream ♪ yeah, exactly. you get like four syllables. >> jimmy: yeah,country stul whipped cream is five syllables. ♪ whipped cream ♪ it's a great -- you know a hit when you hear it, man. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: "fancy like. thank you for being here, bud. did you guys hear about the volvo recall it's not good. here, take a look at this. >> the volvo is recalling another 195,000 vehicles in the u.s. because the driver side airbag can explode [ laughter ] >> tariq: explode? ah, man, i just bought a volvo [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: geez, i'm sorry about that tariq >> tariq: it's okay. i still have my old ram truck. i've had it turned off for a a while, but it should be fine >> jimmy: oh >> tariq: what "oh?" oh, what >> jimmy: roll the clip. >> ram is recalling more than 130,000 trucks because they could catch fire even when turned o

have a great night right now on jimmy kimmel jimmy kimmel salma hayek. good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" "eternals," salma hayek and kumail nanjiani. plus music from bleachers. and now jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. thank you. oh, that's very -- thank you. you know, thank you. hi, welcome. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for -- that's very nice. i have to say, you know -- sometimes i feel like we look around at the world, and we see all the negatives. the advancements we make can also move us backwards. the things that are supposed to make our lives better, oftentimes make it worse. but it's also important to acknowledge and appreciate the marvels that come from the human mind. these ideas, i mean -- we're on television right now. there are miracles that happen around us every day. yesterday, we saw an elderly actor who played captain kirk get launched into actual space. [ laughter ] and we're all just like, "yeah, okay, whatever

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. very nice of you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for masking up and spreading out to be here in our studio. in hollywood. in california, which, according to our governor, will be the first state to mandate covid vaccination for all students who go to school in-person. which is something -- well, not everyone is happy about. angry parents have been protesting outside local school board meetings. you can see they made signs. they are not your kids. i won't co-parent with the government. they do not like the idea of requiring kids to get vaccinations to go to school. even though we've been requiring kids to get vaccinations to go to school for 150 years. seriously. did you know this? >> no, jimmy. i didn't know. >> jimmy: in the 1850s, the state of massachusetts required vaccination against smallpox, which is a disease we don't have any longer because there is a vaccine. bottom line. get your kids vaccinated. or you're gonna have to be with them all day. you're going to have t

and now, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. happy indigenous peoples' or columbus day, depending on which cable news channel you watch. it's weird to celebrate these on the same day. it's like celebrating herpes on valentines day. they don't really go together. for whatever reason, columbus has become some sort of rallying point for republicans. listen, i'm italian. this is a guy who got lost on his way to india. then when he got there and it wasn't india, he just kept calling it india. he was a jerk! columbus never even set foot in north america. >> no? >> jimmy: he was never here. and yet, we named a whole city in ohio after him. what the hell were we learning in school? the guy didn't even come to america, never mind discover it. a number of our esteemed leaders weighed in on this today, including congressmonster marjorie taylor greene, who tweeted and then deleted this misspelled message, "happy colombus day!" she spelled columbus wrong. you can only imagine what would happen if

>> jimmy: jimmy fallon is in the house!ad never came to my little league games, that's what it was. >> kelly: it works out for us. you have character. while thank you for singing with me. >> jimmy: it's an honor. >> kelly: i love coming on your show, you always let me do fun stuff. >> jimmy: we have been doing bits on our show for years and you come on in saying, we have done disney songs, so many things together, and i remember you getting the show and you are like i'm so nervous, i donhat t. >> kelly: why are they giving you are great. it's been on is so true, i do talk a lot, you have to let your guests talk, apparently they want to hear them too. >> jimmy: what? >> kelly: it's the simple thing. dolly parton recently shared, i love this, that her first crush was johnny cash, which should say a lot about her, it's awesome. but her current one is you. i mean, you're getting kissed by cher -- >> jimmy: crushing? dolly parton, honestly, it's mutual, i have a crush on dolly parton. >> kelly: who doesn't? >> jimmy: she has a w

the thing about jimmy carter is, i will give you one of my favorite quotes from jimmy carter. he starts tearing up the economy. i make the point he did something remarkable. he began scolding americans. we was something to be done about problems except when it we favorite sacrifice of others covers which abolished tax loopholes and less with our loopholes, walter lippmann in 1935 were recorded the same thing from walter lippmann he love this quote is that the nation prepares for war. as a foreign wartime now. the great he took the great things for granted name asserting them again it's written for every right you cherish you have a duty which must fulfill. for every hope that you entertain, was a task you must perform for every good you wish to happen, you will sacrifice your comfort and ease. there's nothing for nothing any longer c7 like your dad who would appreciate the stringent call evidence against interest in the law like roane reckon i'm going to give you a tax cut will give unicorns and flowers, right? the striking thing about jimmy carter's that's not how he ran for

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you.ody. that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. i hope that those of you watching at home are safe and sound as a storm pounds the northeastern united states, threatening halloween celebrations this weekend, particularly in new england, where they are alrea

and jimmy garoppolo. his status will be debated a little later on because we don't know if he will play. and if he doesn't play, we could have a quarterback situation. we will talk about that in a minute. but first of all, more injuries. another loss. and i think what has to be deflating, joe, is that they dominated early on. you think oh my goodness, the 49ers are going to run away with this. then, seattle ties it up and eventually runs away with it the other way. this was a game the 49ers had in hand early. >> yeah. one of the story lines coming in was that the 49ers can keep pace with seattle's offensive first-half output and they did just that. they held them like i said through five three and outs. the defense did. and to find yourself going into half 7-7 had to be disheartening. i thought they came out in that first drive, they looked really good but since then, jimmy was really sputtering in that first half. >> we will get more on whether trey lance should be the starter next week. joe's thoughts o

and now, jimmy kimmel!one, thank you. ♪ thank you, i appreciate it. hi, welcome. thanks, fellas. very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] we are coming to you from our home in los angeles where the spirits are very high right now after a glorious night for dodgers fans last night. [ cheers and applause ] and a terrible one for st. louis.