>> i love you, jimmy. >> jimmy: i love you right back. jimmy: ooh. laura? >> laura. >> jimmy: laura, yeah, okay. >> spanish. >> jimmy: laura from texas. yeah. [ laughter ] laura, it's summertime -- laura, it's summertime -- >> laura. [ laughter ] i'm sorry, sorry, sorry. >> jimmy: that's okay. i'm yimmy. [ laughter ] nice to meet you, yeah. from new york, brooklyn. it's summertime. what is -- what's the best vacation you've ever been on? >> right now? >> jimmy: yeah. >> new york! >> jimmy: right now, is the best. >> yes. >> jimmy: in new york is the best vacation. that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] new york is the best. >> it is. >> jimmy: do you remember ever going on a vacation that was bad, and you go, like, "oh, i'm not having a good time?" >> yes. one time -- [ laughter ] sorry. >> jimmy: no, tell me. i got time. >> yes, yes. [ laughter ] one time -- >> jimmy: uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> -- i went on a road trip with no air in the car, and it was from texas to florida. miami, down. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. >> yeah.

>> jimmy: i did it.he lyrics and mark ronson and andrew white produced this song. >> good crew. good crew. >> jimmy: the guys who did "i'm just ken." and we did -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: so, "sweet morning heat," when you hear that, get ready. >> billboard charts. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get ready. i want to show a clip. here's christian slater in "unfrosted." take a look at this. ♪ >> something i can help you with mr. cabana? >> no, i'm just admiring your rig. sweet ride. >> sure is. you know, it's the calcium in milk that keeps bones strong. >> uh-huh. >> without milk, bones can break, and just snap. have a good day, mr. cabana. >> yeah, you too. >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] a lot of calcium in there. christian slater, everyone. "unfrosted" will stream globally on netflix may 3rd. arlo parks performs for us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ - wounded warrior project has been with me every step of my journey. - they've helped me realize it's possible to

>> jimmy: yeah. >> tariq: yeah. >> jimmy: right. >> tariq: cool. >> jimmy: summer plans?riq: florida. >> jimmy: where? >> tariq: sarasota. >> jimmy: why's that? >> tariq: 'cause it's warmer. >> jimmy: why else? >> tariq: the water. >> jimmy: who's going? >> tariq: my daughter. >> jimmy: favorite food? >> tariq: burger. >> jimmy: pounder? >> tariq: quarter. >> jimmy: what sauce? >> tariq: tartar. >> jimmy: favorite album? >> tariq: "cowboy carter." >> jimmy: this is getting -- >> tariq: harder. >> jimmy: should've made it -- >> tariq: shorter. >> jimmy: feeling kinda -- >> tariq: cornered. >> jimmy: stop or go? >> tariq: former. >> jimmy: biden needs supporter. >> tariq: for his order at the border. >> both: biden needs supporter for his order at the border. yes! that's the way it's done. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ guitar solo ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ tuning guitar ] [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: whoo! anyway, moving on -- [ laughter ] some more political news. yesterday dr. fauci testified before congress

yeah jimmy yeah jimmy all right they came for a show well jimmy all right ♪ ♪ jimmy yeah jimmy yeahight talking new york's watching ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ they can't get enough of me and you ♪ ♪ new -- dropping skeet man plotting c,xoxo from me to you ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god! [ cheers and applause ] no one's ever done that! ♪ c,xoxo from to you ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: no one's ever done that. that's the nicest thing. you are so great. camila cabello, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "c,xoxo" is out june 28th. camila and i are doing something fun after the break. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> so, once it was all over, i got on the plane. and then, right before i came here, my tooth fell out. and so -- [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: that's right. wait, from stress. >> from stress. yeah. [ sad tuba ] shut up, tuba. [ laughter ] (♪♪) (♪♪) (♪♪) (♪♪) book in the hotels.com app to find your perfect somewhere. at tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. with the quality, styles, and prices you love. ♪♪ it's time to feed the dogs real food, not

>> guillermo: jimmy! jimmy! >> jimmy: oh, hey. [ laughter ] what are you doing?rmo: nice try, you son of a bitch! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, that's not matt damon, that's our guest, jesse plemons. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: are you sure, jimmy? >> jimmy: i'm positive, yeah. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: i need to give him the matt damon test. >> jimmy: okay, go ahead. >> guillermo: what's two plus two? >> four. >> guillermo: wow, you're not matt damon, you're very smart. [ laughter ] okay, you can go. [ cheers and applause ] >> how do you like them apples. huh? go ahead. >> jimmy: all right. glad we cleared that up. one more time, please say hello to jesse plemons! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you know what? he's just doing his job, but i'm so sorry that that happened to you. i really am. >> i appreciate it. my god. >> jimmy: guillermo, shame on you. you've got to be more careful with the guests. >> i'm so sorry, you just look a little bit like him. [ laughter ] >> just enough. >> jimmy: again, i'm very sorry. do people say that to you often? >> it has somew

lady. >> jimmy: uh-huh? let me try." and they let me try. and i was pretty good at it. >> jimmy: you were very good at it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: more than pretty good at it. [ applause ] there were some stunts -- i don't know if you know this, many people are calling you the new tom cruise. [ laughter ] >> well, i -- i really -- i feel like an action hero. >> jimmy: you are an action hero. i mean, the truth is, the movie has all the elements of an action hero. >> yes. >> jimmy: almost like "taken" where you get this phone call, something bad happens, you want to solve the crime, get to the bottom of who did this to you. it's very taking. >> the ear plugs, i love that one where they use the ear plugs to talk to each other. >> jimmy: yeah, it's really -- it's just so clever and so beautifully done. and you're in it so much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you ever imagine at 94 years old, you'd be the star of a movie from beginning to end? i mean, not just somebody's mom or grandma. [ cheers and applause ] that you'd be d

and jimmy kimmel dakota >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- dakota johnson, jack quaid, and music from maya hawke. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome. guillermo. hi, everybody. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on our newest federal holiday. today is juneteenth. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. as it's called on fox news, it's wednesday. [ laughter ] juneteenth commemorates the end of slavery in america. president biden made it a federal holiday in 2021, which means a lot of people had the day off from work today. which i think raises an interesting question. should white people get the day off? [ laughter ] for juneteenth? we should have to work, right? i mean -- guillermo, what do you think? you're -- i think you could make a good decision on this. >> guillermo: yeah, you should, yeah. >> jimmy: we should? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: yeah, sure. i don't know. [ laughter ] that's

yeah. >> jimmy: overnight. >> overnight. >> jimmy: overnight success. >> overnight success, yes. >> jimmy very serious artwork outside. >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. well, we wanted to set the play up to look like a very serious play. and we did such a good job that people came to the show thinking it was a serious play about abraham lincoln. and so, there were a few walkouts, which i didn't notice, really. i'm kidding. i watch like a hawk every night. and it's fine. you know. >> jimmy: do you see when celebrities come to the show? >> i don't see them. i can't see them. but i love to know before the show. like who is in. >> jimmy: you do? >> oh, yeah. it makes me, you know, like, put on a good show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you put on a show every -- a good show every -- >> no, i sort of, like, i save it for the famous people. [ laughter ] wouldn't you? come on. >> jimmy: i'm noticing -- >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: your wig is here. >> oh, yeah. i brought it. >> jimmy: may we see it? >> yeah, yeah. do you guys want to see the wig? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes! wow. >> okay. now, i would like

>> yeah. >> jimmy: you have. >> finally. >> jimmy: is it civil, or no?person in the house of representatives? >> i'd be hard-pressed to find someone dumber. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i get the sense that it's not just democrats that don't like her. >> oh, no, no, no. like, her people don't like her either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: her people don't like her either. >> no. >> jimmy: after that, did you get republicans going, oh, good point? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you did, oh, wow. >> soon after, i saw a couple of republican women that were like wink, wink. [ laughter ] they were like -- and then i do have a few text messages from some republican men. then i've had some republican men walk up to me and say, "i love your eye lashes." [ laughter ] "you better." >> jimmy: now then, i guess the president, his campaign, people saw this and they said, we need to send you out on the road to spread the good word,yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. so you've been doing that? >> i have. >> jimmy: what do you tell people? what's your message to people? >> it's not abo

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> i -- >> jimmy: what? very much. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. the great benito. ♪ what's that mean? >> ow, ow, ouch! i hurt myself on the way out! [ laughter ] i need some -- do you have some -- i need a masseuse and some baby aspirin! [ laughter ] ow! you're going to hear from my lawyer. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: let's do another one here. it's is from stacy carson. "hey, jimmy, the weather these past few weeks has been crazy with all these heat domes. you know who could use some cooling off? times square elmo." well, i agree. [ audience oohs ] "you should put him in a dunk tank and have mets pitching legend john franco whip baseballs at him until he gets dunked." [ cheers ] that's a great idea. let's go down to the dunk tank and see what john franco can do. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right, jimmy. let's do this. ♪ [ audience ohs ] >> do it. >> come on! [ western showdown music ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> that's how you do it, jimmy. back to you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimm

>> jimmy: that's right.une 26th on apple tv+. [ cheers and applause ] we're talking to chappell roan after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (gentle ambient music) - design a training program. - guys, let's do some trivia. - oh yes, let's do it. - i'm gonna win. - how should i plant this if my garden doesn't receive direct sunlight? hmm. - i was right! - good job. - next question. - it starts with an empty prompt, and the most advanced ai at your fingertips. (bright music) [ cellphone ringing ] phone call from the boss? sorry. outdoor time is me time. sticking it to the boss, that sounds fun. we have sort of a flat hierarchy, so -- wait, flo isn't the boss? well, you could say i'm a boss at helping people save when they bundle. nope, thanks. we're not gonna say that. -i'd rather not. -very cringey. ♪ i wanna rock n' roll all night ♪ ♪ and party everyday ♪ ♪ i wanna rock n' roll ♪ applebee's late night because half off is just more fun. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. t

[ cheers and applause ] hey, hey, hey, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. i didn't know we were doing shout outs.go ahead. >> questlove: stro, let me get some music, man. ♪ all right, yo, what's up, it's your man questo and i want to give a shout out to history, specifically my new book "hip-hop is history." now -- [ cheers and applause ] it's full of stories and anecdotes about my life inside of the world of hip-hop culture. and i talk about beats, beef, bars, breaking, battling, and booming systems. "hip-hop is history." get it while it's hot. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll check that out. [ cheers and applause ] "hip-hop is history," i love it. great shout out, quest. >> tariq: hey, yo, i got a a shout out, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, sure, tariq. go ahead. >> tariq: okay, shout out to sequels. i'm talking "inside out 2." "dune 2." >> jimmy: yeah. >> tariq: "joker 2." "deadpool 3," that's a a threequel. [ light laughter ] "despicable me 4", and "kung fu panda 4," boom, quadriquels. [ laughter ] "a quiet place: day one," that's a rare sequel prequel. at this point, if your movie doesn't have a number in it, the

sing. >> jimmy: me too. >> wow. >> jimmy: weird. >> weird. >> jimmy: sister?why, out of all my songs, this is the one that's going to be my number one smash. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i -- when i heard it quietly, i was like, "oh, that's a banger." and i turned it up and was like, "oh, no, it's me." and i was like -- >> jimmy: yeah. you're like, "dude, that's it, that's my song. " >> i get it now. he's like -- my brother' s like, "see, it's a banger." >> jimmy: oh, by the way, "whoops," the video, came out today, by the way. >> it did, and i look bomb. did you see it? >> jimmy: yes, it is great. [ scattered cheers ] and you're performing "whoops" live tonight. >> yeah. we rehearsed to the moon and were gonna sing a whole 'nother song, and then last night, i was like, "let's flip it on 'em, let's sing "whoops." >> jimmy: why? why? >> 'cause i'm crazy. >> jimmy: you really are. why are you -- >> i was like, "we just dropped the music video for 'whoops,' why aren't we singing 'whoops.'" >> jimmy: yeah. so, now, we rehearsed it today a couple times, and it's gonna be

>> jimmy: no, they're plastic! >> crocs! >> jimmy: yes! this with lebron james, it's the last part -- [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! how did -- why -- that is -- how did we get that? sweating. >> that was smart. >> jimmy: sweating, sweating. oh, my gosh. >> you answered it right at the end, just before -- >> that was fun. >> jimmy: oh, that was perfect. >> great strategy. >> jimmy: kate hudson, chrissy teigen, john legend. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we are talking to kate, after the break. stick around, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i guess we're gonna find out gonna find out oh we're gonna find out ♪ ♪ gonna find out yeah we're gonna find out if you're gonna come up to my house ♪ ♪ and we're gonna find out gonna find out oh we're gonna find out gonna find out ♪ ♪ yeah we're gonna find out if you're gonna come up to my house ♪ are they good, bad, meh? what's the average household income? is there a mall? i don't know. a hair salon? where do you get your hair done? (opponent) you gonna move, or what? (marci) oh, i'm

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you.ello. >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. oh, my gosh, down, just when we thought it was over, a new legal drama involving the white house is under way. jury selection has begun in the trial of hunter biden, who faces three felony gun charges. hunter biden, in case you don't know, is charged with illegally purchasing and possessing a firearm. basically, the story is in 2018, hunter bought a ..38 special in wilmington, delaware, and he lied on the form for his background check. up with of the questions is "are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to illegal drugs." hunter allegedly checked the box "no," which was not true. though in his defense, he was very high when he filled it out. and then, his former girlfriend, who is also his former sister-in-law, very jerry springer type situation, found the gun and threw it in a dumpster outside their local grocery store. when hunter found out she did that, he made her drive ba

>> jimmy: oh, good.. >> i was working on a film with billy bob thornton. and i was invited to a listening party for some music that he was making. and when i arrived, he said, "we're in slash's house right now." >> yeah. >> is that true? >> yeah, that was my house. i sold it to billy. it had a studio in it and all that. him and angelina bought it. >> and were you upstairs at the time the party was happening? >> i don't think so. did he say that? >> no, but we assumed you were. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where were you guys -- >> there was like a -- >> a basement, a studio basement in l.a. >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right, wow. >> hollywood, a hollywood story. >> jimmy: hollywood's something else, it really is. >> hollywood is something else. >> jimmy: by the way, i have something that one of our staffers brought in today. this is exciting. the band yo la tengo. >> yes, great band. new york, brooklyn band. >> jimmy: this is from about the year 2000. >> wow. >> jimmy: and this is none other than amy poehler on the

>> jimmy: yes, i would. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great!ow, look at them go. >> jimmy: that's fun. >> jimmy: just like people. feel free to lower your defenses at any time. >> jimmy: what? >> jimmy: i said, i love you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you. i appreciate that. >> jimmy: you're welcome. i'll see you real soon. >> jimmy: oh, bye. well, it looks like it should be no problem at all. [ cheers and applause ] all right, back to the nba finals. every year at around this time, we like to find out how loyal nba fans are by trying to convince them to shoot a tv promo supporting the rival team. and since celtics fans are said to be among the most hardcore fans of all, we sent a crew to boston to see if we could convince them to switch sides in a new boston edition of "traitor schmoes." >> sal: you're a big celtics fan? what do you love about that team? >> we're going to win. we have a lot of history. i know we have 94 championships than anybody else. we're going to get some more. >> sal: how do you feel about the celtics? >> love the cel

and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody, i'm jimmy.'m the host of the show. please relax. thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for being here with a new show on a friday night. a special welcome to those of you who stayed up after the game four of the nba finals between the boston celtics, who were looking to sweep and claim their record 18th nba title, and the dallas mavericks, who were just trying to stay alive. the villain in this series, for boston fans, was kyrie irving who used to play for the celtics, and now plays for the mavericks. that relationship in boston did not end well. and fans there, i guess they want to make sure he remembers it. >> thanks for nothing, kyrie, you're a [ bleep ] bum! [ bleep ] you, bitch! >> get a job, kyrie, get a [ bleep ], [ bleep ] job, kyrie! [ bleep ] baskets, kyrie! get a job, kyrie! get a job! >> i like the celtics. i think they're really good basketball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he must be visiting from vermont. [ laughter ] and while we have a lot of fun with the fans in boston and phi

>> jimmy: blowing a balloon. >> no. >> jimmy: blowing a bubble. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow! wow! oh, my god. marlon, it's your turn. your turn. good luck. you get to direct tariq. you get to direct tariq. that was good. >> okay. which number? [ audience shouting numbers ] imma go with two. see how quick that was? [ laughter ] why was yours simple and i got like eight words? okay. [ laughter ] do i show him what this is? >> jimmy: no. yeah, please, yeah. >> okay, so i put my hands -- i don't want to put my hands in there. taye diggs put his fingers in there. >> jimmy: all right, no, come on. it's the anti-gesticulation tubes. >> can i sit on my hands? i'll touch my butt. >> jimmy: yeah, you can do that. [ laughter ] yeah, you can do that. you can sit on your hands. judges say we could. >> i'll put them in -- >> jimmy: no, that's -- >> if i catch something, it's on you. go. [ laughter ] >> tariq: you go. >> okay. i want you to take and make a -- you're gonna throw something. >> tariq: okay. >> yeah. now throw it. and now you're gonna, um, something's gonna -- >> tariq: breakin

>> of course. >> jimmy: you were? >> of course. >> jimmy: cheap shots?re going to test you, right? if they feel that you've got more money or more publicity, you know, they're upset about that. so when i came, my first training camp, first day of practice, ron boone. i was looking up to get the rebound. he came and hit me real hard behind my neck. >> jimmy: one of your own teammates? >> my own teammate. and he said, "take that, rookie." >> jimmy: oh. >> so i said, "okay." so i got up. and about three plays later, he was looking up to box me out. so i ran as fast as i could, and i hit him. bam! right behind his neck. >> jimmy: you did? >> really hard. >> jimmy: really? >> he fell to the floor. and i told him, i said, "don't forget, i'm tough, i'm rough, if you want to play like that, we can play like that." and you'll the laker players came running up to me, hugged me, said, "we like you." [ applause ] because i couldn't let him get away with that. >> jimmy: of course not. >> now caitlyn, her teammates got to come to her defense. >> jimmy: sure. >> you ca

look. >> jimmy: cheers. >> cheers, hey. >> jimmy: you're the best. >> you're the best. ♪ >> jimmy: wowers and applause ] >> jimmy: season three of "the bear" premieres june 27th, exclusively on hulu. we'll be right back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (gentle ambient music) - design a training program. - guys, let's do some trivia. - oh yes, let's do it. - i'm gonna win. - how should i plant this if my garden doesn't receive direct sunlight? hmm. - i was right! - good job. - next question. - it starts with an empty prompt, and the most advanced ai at your fingertips. (bright music) (♪♪) years from now, you'll still remember how good she was. and that will feel good. (♪♪) when you see a car, you can find it on autotrader. even my tv detective car. just put your info into kelley blue book mywallet. browse personalized monthly payments from dealers in your area. then start and finish the deal online. case closed. these days everyone is staring at screens, and watching their spending. good vision is more important than ever, but so is saving. that's why america's best i

and i was like, "there's jimmy." >> jimmy: were you dancing?wanted to support her, so i was like -- [ laughter ] and i would get really self-conscious. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, that's what i did too. but i was so happy. she crushed it. >> it was unbelievable. and to see her and cynthia together. >> jimmy: cynthia erivo came out at the end, it was just fant -- bud, you have so much great things happening. > yeah. >> jimmy: did you know that she was going to go on? >> i had a set. she called me the day before and said, "i might need you to eat an apple." >> jimmy: eat an apple? >> mid show. i was like, "i can eat apples. i like apples." but then that got cut. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, sorry, i could, yeah. so you didn't have to do that. >> not the apple. and i saw cynthia as well and she was particularly twinkly that night. i was like, "hang on a minute." >> jimmy: somethings happening. >> something is brewing. >> jimmy: because they never tell you -- >> something wicked this way comes. >> jimmy: something wicked this way comes. yeah.

>> jimmy: yeah.here. we have a great show for you tonight. he's the star of blockbuster movie franchises like "guardians of the galaxy" and "jurassic world." he's now voicing garfield in "the garfield movie," which hits theaters tomorrow. chris pratt is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. no, he's not here -- no. don't get up, don't get up. he's not here now. [ light laughter ] he's eventually gonna be here, yeah. they're very -- [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] he got a standing ovation just now. no, they're very polite, no. he's on his way, he's on his way, yeah. i'm just telling you who's on the show tonight. [ laughter ] actually, you can stand up for them if you want. they are fox nfl analysts, and their podcast "calm down with erin and charissa" is available everywhere now. erin andrews and charissa thompson are joining us today! [ cheers and applause ] love these guys. and we've got great music tonight, great band. we have red clay strays tonight. [ cheers and applause ] they're grea

>> jimmy: wow. >> yes! >> jimmy: dude. >> give it up!t's jimmy fallon, man. yeah, it's great, man. it's great. [ cheers and applause ] all right. whoo! >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> whoo! >> jimmy: you are unbelievably talented. >> come on. >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. jay pharoah. >> thank you. >> jimmy: come on, that katt williams, unbelievable. ah, that's amazing. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing. >> thank you, brother. >> jimmy: you always show up. thank you so much for coming and always bringing something fun. that was amazing, bud. thank you for doing this. and by the way, i was going to ask you, did you ever -- did you ever meet anyone you did an impression of that they're like -- i mean, everyone probably likes it. >> not everybody. you know, yes. but the people that i've met -- jay-z had no problem with it whatsoever. i remember he was -- it was him and justin timberlake, and they were doing "suit & tie," and i felt jay-z in the room. i said, "jay-z's here." i didn't even know he was here. i felt him. you can

>> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: "reader's digest." >> jimmy: yeah, interesting. >> steve: yeah, wow. >> jimmy "good housekeeping" said, "what chores do you do at home?" trump said, "every morning, i make my tanning bed." [ laughter ] while biden said, "every night, i run my teeth through the dishwasher." [ laughter ] up next, "bon appetit" asked, "what's your favorite recipe?" biden said, "filet minion with a miralax glaze and crumbled lipitor." [ laughter ] while trump said, "squirting the ketchup and mustard pumps into my mouth at the same time." [ laughter ] then, "aarp" asked, "do you think you're too old to be president?" trump said, "what?" while biden said, "come again?" [ laughter ] and finally, "tv guide" said "what is your favorite show currently on television?" biden said, "come on, man, i'm way too busy to watch the picture box." [ laughter ] while trump said, "it's a tie between 'hannity' and 'bluey.'" [ laughter ] there you go. that's interesting. they're both one word. [ cheers and applause ] well, some business news, kia is recalling 463,000 suvs 'cause the front seats can cat

>> jimmy: what? thought you were an international model. >> jimmy: no, i was joking, dude. >> steve: come on, what? >> jimmy: no, tariq, did you know i was joking? >> tariq: what, about the modeling thing? >> jimmy: yeah. >> tariq: no, i had no idea. i thought you -- i mean, you took the -- so let me get -- so you modelled for the pictures. so you, like -- i don't understand. like, you modelled, right? >> steve: they just took your picture. >> jimmy: well, i mean -- i mean, i don't know. do i seem different to you? >> tariq: i mean, you're either a model or a poser, like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i was doing both. >> steve: you're posing -- >> jimmy: yeah, i was posing while i was modeling. >> tariq: you're posing as a a modeler, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's interesting, yeah. >> steve: you're posing as a a model. >> jimmy: yeah, but i mean, there's certain things -- i, you know, i want to keep it classy and stuff like that, so i wouldn't do -- >> steve: you always say that. >> jimmy: i w

>> jimmy: he came to stay with you. >> yes. >> jimmy: in your house. >> yeah. >> jimmy: if anyone had it was him to pay. he should have come downstairs. >> come down the stairs, come down the stairs. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unless he was an elderly holocaust survivor. [ laughter ] >> no, he was not. no, he was not. >> jimmy: he was not. i love the idea of you having house guests. even that seems odd to me. i try to sometimes imagine you in different scenarios, you know? like, is there something you can tell us that we would never have known about you? is there anything that pops to mind when i ask that question? >> oh, boy. really put me on the spot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, well. you don't have to -- >> okay, okay, i'll tell you something. all right, you want to know thanksgiving something? >> jimmy: yes. >> my great grandmother dated nietzsche. the german philosopher. [ laughter ] for real. yes, yeah. >> jimmy: dated him? >> dated. they had -- they were -- [ laughter ] they were close. they had a good relationship. he met her parents before he went in. she said to him,

>> jimmy: oh.like "golden girls." "family ties." "cheers." stuff like that. it's really fun. >> jimmy: will you do the -- do the whole songs? >> well, the songs -- you know, the theme songs are short. you know. "cheers" is pretty short. >> jimmy: you do "cheers"? >> "cheers," yeah. commercials from the '80s. >> jimmy: do they flow into each other? >> yeah. well, we stop, then we start again. we stop, we start again. it's a 15-minute-long song. >> jimmy: are they related to each other? >> no, no, no. they're just stupid, fun songs. but i think they're the songs that we -- that are in our brains. >> jimmy: oh, yes, they are. >> from being children. like the shasta cola theme song. or the manche theme ♪ don't give me that so-so soda the same cola ♪ ♪ i want a rock pop pop i want a shasta ♪ remember? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> do you remember that? >> jimmy: i do remember. i didn't realize i remember but i totally remember. >> yeah, remember all that stuff? there's so much data from the

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. very nice. i'm jimmy.hanks, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on another night of big time basketball. game 5 of the nba finals between the boston celtics and the dallas mavericks. happened tonight. the celtics were playing for an nba record 18th larry o'brien trophy, on their famous parquet floor. guillermo, you do a good boston accent. say parquet floor. >> guillermo: parquet. >> jimmy: he is a regular donnie wahlberg when he wants to. [ cheering ] a lot of people thought it would be over on friday night. vegas had the mavericks getting swept. it was such a disaster-in-the-making, ted cruz already booked his flight to cancun to get away. instead, dallas won by 38 points. no nba team has ever come back from being down 3-0. that's the bad news. the good news is, nowadays, if you lose, you can just say you won and a lot of people will go along with it. win or lose though, the great thing about basketball, sports even is that more than anything,

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. very nice.'m jimmy, i'm the host of the show. please, relax, relax, relax. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in hollywood, where we are back to work after an extra, extra long holiday weekend. we spent most of it at children's hospital. our son billy had an open-heart surgery. he is doing very well. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for your good wishes. thank you for your thoughts. cleto, thank you for the edible arrangement. let me tell you something. if there's one thing a 7-year-old boy loves, it's an edible arrangement. [ laughter ] >> cleto: we do what we can. >> jimmy: this edible arrangement, you know what happened, somebody got a flower arrangement, they're like, "oh, these are beautiful, you know what would be better? if we could eat them." [ laughter ] >> cleto: that's what i figured. >> jimmy: we went in the hospital thursday morning. we got home monday. not an hour after we walk in the house from the hospital with our son, this happens. >> oh my god, okay, that i

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you. appreciate that.ery nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here at our home in a very big night. we have a vip guest tonight, a vip vp guest tonight. [ whoops ] all the way from washington, the vice president of the united states is with us. [ cheers and applause ] kamala harris is here. the secret service swept our building. which we desperately needed. [ laughter ] it's filthy, by the way. it's especially great that they're here, because guillermo is not here tonight. we are unprotected. he is on assignment at media day for the nba finals. we sent him away because, for reasons of national security, not many people know this -- [ laughter ] you're not allowed to have both of america's most powerful number twos in the same room at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] so we shipped him off to boston. this was a surprise. boy, just when you think you can't possibly be surprised by anything anymore, joe biden, our president, got a shout-out from donald trump t

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello. welcome, welcome.hank you. hi, everybody. thank you, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here at our home in hollywood. and boy, you know what, thank you. because i feel like we needed that. it was a sad day for basketball fans in dallas for sure, but also for us here in los angeles as i'm sure you know. last night, the matt damon celtics -- pfft -- [ laughter ] became nba champions for the 18th time. before last night, the celtics were tied with the lakers for 17 nba champions. now, they sit alone in the top spot after beating up on the mavericks to win the series in five. [ one cheer ] >> jimmy: don't, don't, or you're right out of here. [ laughter ] i don't know if you watched after the game. the fans in boston were remarkably subdued. >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: they celebrated quietly. no big fuss. no shenanigans. just warm congratulations to all. their hometown heroes. sometimes a low-key celebration is the best celebration, you know? [ laughter ] and

yeah. >> jimmy: as one does, a name drop, yeah. you were like, "yeah, i met the pope, too." >> yeah. >> jimmy: which i didn't expect. i don't expect normal people to just be like, "yeah, i also met the pope." >> "yeah, me too." before you. >> jimmy: you actually met the pope before i did, yeah. [ laughter ] here's a photo of you and your husband meeting the pope. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you remember about this? >> oh, my gosh. well, you know he's

"jimmy!" [ laughter ] "you remember our president jimmy, come on! jimmy!" laughter ] so just to recap, hannibal lecter flows right off his tongue, but he couldn't pull up former president jimmy carter. and can we just agree to leave jimmy carter out of this? the man's 99 years old, has spent his post-presidency being quietly charitable with organizations like habitat for humanity. to put it in simpler terms, he's built more homes than hannibal lecter has eaten faces. just take his name out of your mouth, which shouldn't be hard because it's barely in your brain. [ laughter ] also, for those of you too young to remember, jimmy connors is a former world number one tennis player who did not serve as the 39th president. [ laughter ] connors is remembered for many things, including his rivalry with john mcenroe, which is appropriate because when trump couldn't remember jimmy carter's name, i bet his aides were all like -- >> you cannot be serious! [ laughter ] >> seth: but beachside vacations can only last so long, and for trump, it was back to the office, aka,

jimmy stood his ground.t on social media, it came on fox news a night but instead of backing down, the school kicked to jimmy and his family out, expelled them. said he violated the christian code of conduct. common sense couldn't find that code in the old christian book. found david and goliath but nothing on jimmy and saint bonaventure. must be new code. sad because had the principal allowed jimmy to speak about the pledge of allegiance, the school might have been reminded of the part that says liberty and justice for all. let's bring in the young man whose family says he was kicked out of his school for standing up for his patriotic speech, a jimmy. who is joined once again by his mom. thank you both are coming on, we're so sorry sorry for what happened to you here. i want to know from your mom first if you have figured out how you violated this so-called christian code of conduct because i've been looking at it and i don't see any big violations. >> i think it has something along with they don't like tha

but jimmy needs the break.f there's anyone who deserves the summer off after working so hard all year, it's talk show hosts and teachers. in that order. [ cheering ] i do love this show, watch it every night. i'm sorry sir, can i help you? >> guillermo: you're doing a great job. >> martin: we're talking. we're doing a talk show here. you can't have random people wandering off the street. especially if they look like a toy that you'd find under your christmas tree in the 1950s. >> guillermo: marty, marty, marty. >> martin: what, what, what? >> keyboard player. that's guillermo. he is here every night. he is your sidekick for the week. >> martin: oh, guillermo! oh, baby, come over here. >> guillermo: give me a hug. >> martin: doing a good job. that was a little too close that scared me a little bit. jimmy warned me about you, actually. guillermo, what would jimmy usually do right now? >> guillermo: he would be talking about donald trump. [ laughter ] >> martin: i guess, you can't go to outback steakhouse without

jimmy failla on all that and more next.saying in the navy that the toughest job in the navy is a navy wife. and if you've made the deployments and you've been the wife at home, or you've been the spouse at home, you understand what i'm talking about. your spouse has earned the right to apply for a va home loan. the newday 100 loan allows you to borrow up to 100% of your home's value. so if you're in a situation where you need some help financially, give us a call. no one takes care of veterans like newday usa. we love being outside, but the sun makes our deck and patio too hot to enjoy. thanks to our new sunsetter retractable awning, we can select full sun or instant shade. it's 20 degrees cooler and you get protection from harmful rays and sun glare. when you call, we'll rush you a special $200 discount certificate with your free awning idea kit! you'll get your sunsetter for as little as $799. but, this is a limited time offer! for over 20 years, sunsetter has been the bestselling retractable awning in america! call now f

jimmy kimmel. melissa mccarthy. have a great night. tomorrow' test. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with guest host jiminy glick. tonight -- melissa mccarthy. nick kroll. and music from the warning. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jiminy glick! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jiminy: how wonderful! wonderful! applaud yourselves! look at that, look at the band. oh! [ cheers and applause ] shut up! thank you! hello and welcome to "jiminy kimmel live." [ laughter ] ha ha ha! i'm your host jiminy glick. and let me just start -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. this is amazing. let me just start by saying how excited i am to be host of a show i love so much. although i've never seen it. [ laughter ] but word gets back from those who have that it's wonderful. filled with edge. speaking of edge, look who's here, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, such an exotic look. you're like a cross between burt reynolds and a pikachu. [ laughter ] is it true that jimmy found you floating down a river in a basket? >> guill

guillermo, what would jimmy usually do right now?guillermo: he would be talking about donald trump. [ laughter ] >> martin: i guess you can't go to outback steakhouse without ordering the bloomin' onion. [ laughter ] donald trump says he's "close to announcing his running mate," and has reportedly narrowed it down to three people. it was four, but o.j. died. [ laughter and moans ] what a choice trump has on his tiny little hands. there's doug burgum, the governor of north dakota. he once said he wouldn't do business with trump. doug burgum sounds like the name of your most annoying coworker. "oh, great, look who's calling, it's doug burgum from accounting." [ laughter ] then we have, senator marco rubio of florida, who called trump a "con artist" or should we go with doormat #3? [ laughter ] ohio senator j.d. vance, who said he thought trump was either "a cynical [ bleep ] like nixon" or "america's hitler." when have you ever said something like that about someone and then changed your mind? [ laughter ] now even though trump knows w

join us with his thoughts is host of fox news is the night, jimmy failla, who is pretty smart. >> jimmyetty and single, she's annoying. no good in history of the world ever said she is too hot. if someone has to tell you they're smart, they're not smart. >> steve: point out in the corner, hunter biden just arrived. >> ainsley: jill biden. >> steve: sorry. >> speaking of people nobody wants to date. >> ainsley: what do men want? not pretty, not smart, not successful. >> jimmy: no, probably like a woman who will not run to tiktok and detail every aspect of their dating life. tiktok is where broken people go to blame the world for their problems. i'm great, it is world is not. >> steve: that was great, i will go out in my car and record myself for a minute. >> ainsley: a mother with a two year old and seven year old is sparking backlash, she says she does not return the shopping cart. >> i'm not returning my shopping cart and you can judge me all t you want. i'm not getting my groceries and children into my car and leaving them in the car to go return the cart. >> steve: as a former taxi d

jimmy kimmel is not going to do that. is blaming republicans for what we are seeing at u.s. southern border is laughable to point of ludicrous. there was not one truth she said, she can say that with jimmy kimmel, he is an act vist, it is late night, be a human and say, that is wrong or don't you think what you said was misleading. of course not, it isim judgy kimmel. >> carley: behind closed door, biden shows signs of slipping. biden started the meeting reading from notes which struck several participates as odd. some attendees had trouble hearing him. much of the conversation did not include him. some people who aupon tended the meeting recall him turning to staffers. they said you could not be there and not feel uncomfortable. trump is leading biden by 21 points on the question of being more physically and mentally fit. what about these concerns? >> joe: well, we've heard them before, carley, right? this is something that is a central part of this campaign right now. if this is the 81-year-old version ever joe biden ri

watch. ♪ ♪ [♪] >> jimmy: yeah. he looks like an amish guy that walked into best buy. so overwhelmed, does not know what is happening around him. two doors down from a guy in a dress, i don't know what we're looking at. if biden does not run for president, he can be in "frozen" straight glitz. >> laura: the first gentleman, he's doing -- there has to be moratorium on anyone who can't dance, dancing and not that kamala was a good darner, she tried a little bit. it is not good to be around people who are good dancers and you are rocking in an awkward. >> jimmy: doug should have froze. this whole administration america's got issues, whole video, just look at it. >> laura: i knew we would get in trouble with this. jimmy will be in new jersey next weekend, follow me on social media. i have rose growing trouble. jesse next. >> todd: a packed city bus hijacked by a convicted felon with a gun leading to one of the wildest police chases caught on camera. we'll show you the pursuit and takedown that brough

, everyone. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! with guest host martin short! tonight -- jane lynch. and jelly roll. with cleto and the cletones. and now, martin short! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> martin: thank you! thank you! [ cheers and applause ] stop loving me! [ laughter ] stop laughing me. thank you, thank you, and welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm your guest host, martin short. [ cheers and applause ] and i know what you're all thinking. martin short is way too famous to be doing this. [ laughter ] and i am. so good night, everybody! [ cheers ] no, i got such rave reviews from last night's show, i can't stop now. isn't that right? i'm sorry, what was your name again? >> guillermo: guillermo. [ laughter ] >> martin: exactly. this is my second night here, and i have to say, it's even harder than jimmy makes it look. [ laughter ] ever since i agreed to host the show, i've been trying to get covid. [ laughter ] but i didn't, so here i am. achoo! mom? can you believe, truthfully that covid is still a thing? covid is one of th

jimmy. >> thanks, dan and ama tonight show is big. >> i got him, jimmy. >> you got who? >> matt damon. he was trying to sneak into the show. i told you, i'm not matt damon a slow network is no network for business. that's why more choose comcast business. and now, we're introducing ultimate speed for business —our fastest plans yet. we're up to 12 times faster than verizon, at&t, and t-mobile. and existing customers could even get up to triple the speeds... at no additional cost. it's ultimate speed for ultimate business. don't miss out on our fastest speed plans yet! switch to comcast business and get started for $49.99 a month. plus, ask how to get up to an $800 prepaid card. call today! tony hale live. plus, get ready to say yes, chef with the bears. iowa debris. >> definitely. >> you got to see this on gma >> developing news with what is now a battle brewing between elon musk and apple over its partnership with openai. musk is threatening to ban all apple devices at his companies if the cupertino company integrates the technology into its operating systems. apple rev

joining me is jimmy jimmy fail host of fox news saturday night.now if you watch "the view", but whoopi goldberg, the lead, will not refer to trump by name, she calls him as you know who, someone that is, i don't know. can you read that? do you know who that is. she accidentally said trump today and here is what happened. >> you can't refute anything with him, he -- when i say him, he rambles. trump tends to just. ui ugh. >> did you say his name? >> i said his name. >> kayleigh: did she actual ly spit? >> jimmy: she might have, it wouldn't be the dumbest thing that has come out of her mouth on "the view". so immature. this is who is on that show. this is performance you are familiar with. trump used to go on the view, he was friends with barbara walter and them. i can't believe i said donald's name, what are we in seventh grade? >> kayleigh: so many questions, would dr. anthony fauci approve of spitting on the ground? >> jimmy: where is social distancing on that one? >> kayleigh: who had to clean that up, gross. gen-zers take things to a new level.

welcome to "jimmy kimmel live."'m your guest host, martin short. [ cheers and applause ] this is my third night hosting the show. and i now have a much better understanding of this job. especially the part where jimmy doesn't want to do it. [ laughter ] hey, how many of you in our studio audience are visiting from out of town? [ cheers ] well, according to tsa, last sunday set the record for the most travelers ever screened in a single day. there was chaos at airports all around the country. passengers were even more unhinged than the doors on a boeing 737. thank you! [ rim shot ] [ laughter ] thank you so much! [ applause ] yep. we're finally nailing the bowing issue. hey -- speaking of unhinged, tomorrow is the first presidential debate. rrrr! [ laughter ] the big controversy is which drugs may be used tomorrow night. [ laughter ] and i just want to state for the record that i have no idea what drugs i will take while i watch the debate. [ laughter ] but they will be potent. and they will be plentiful. [ cheers an

jimmy, walk, walk, nearby, well done, let's run, run, jimmy prefers meat, dry food, dog food and... andkisses, he can't live a day without them. our guy is looking for a family where they love animals and understand that a dog is a big responsibility and not a toy. jimmy can live in either an apartment or a private house. if you want to get closer to meet jimmy, call the phone number shown on your screen. this handsome guy is looking forward to meeting his future owner. love, a quickly winged century, disappeared like melted snow, like an autumn garden, it will not be brought back, it will not be brought back. or maybe i should rush the night to repeat everything from the beginning, we should repeat everything from the beginning, oh what should i do, or maybe i should start everything again, i don’t want to lose you, i can’t lose you. we should repeat everything all over again, oh what should i do, or maybe start everything again, i want to lose you, i can’t lose you, oh what should i do. maybe the night should not rush everything first , we should repeat everything first. oh, what shou