so, no. >> jimmy: will we maybe see a >> jimmy: wow!at you get, genuinely. he's been my closest friend for 17 years. shawn levy, this is our third movie together. i have never felt a set closer and that cared for each other more than this film. and the end product, or the final version of this, is better than anything i have done in my life. and i'm just thrilled. so that's why we're everywhere talking about it, because we love it. we love what we get to do. >> jimmy: will we maybe see a a "deadpool 4"? >> oh, god no. i, uh -- [ laughter ] i -- my wife and children will divorce me, and i -- >> jimmy: the kids will divorce you? >> jimmy, i have no prenup with any of them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't let that -- >> i will be capital b broke, and in turn probably then doing "deadpool 4," because i need the money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so we cannot make that happen. >> no. so, yeah. >> jimmy: congrats on the movie. it is -- i cannot wait to see the full thing. >> i can't wait for you to see it. >> jimmy: i want to show a a clip. here'

>> jimmy: yeah.congressman dusty johnson said -- >> steve: uh-oh. >> jimmy: "yeah, biden is clearly too old. we all know he's walking around with a, well, my full name." [ laughter ] ♪ >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: i know. and finally congressman dutch ruppersberger said, "this sounds fun. how does this game work again?" [ laughter and applause ] it doesn't work for everyone. everyone can't play. well, on friday, biden sat down for an interview with george stephanopoulos, and he made it clear there's only one way he would leave the race. take a look at this. >> if you can be convinced that you cannot defeat donald trump, will you stand down? >> well, it depends on if the lord almighty comes out and tells me that, i might do that. i mean, if the lord almighty came down and said, "joe, get out of the race," i'd get out of the race. the lord almighty's not coming down. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: democrats are like, "we're less worried about god coming down to see you, and more worried about you going u

>> jimmy: yes. >> yeah, right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- i swear.st comedian -- can i just just take one of those? >> i ain't funny. >> jimmy: can i take one of those medals -- >> i ain't funny. you know i went to the -- this past, i went to the -- what do you call the horse race? the kentucky derby. >> jimmy: were you there? >> i was there. >> jimmy: i didn't see you. >> i thought i saw you there. or you got a twin. you got a hoppel dinger. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do -- doppel -- >> guy looked just like you. >> jimmy: doppelganger. >> a doppelganger, whatever you call that. whatever, i got to go back to high school. my grandmother told me when i was on "saturday night live," i should go back and get my g.e.d. i said, "grandma, i'm on 'saturday night live.' i made it already." >> jimmy: "i'm on tv." >> i went to the kentucky derby -- >> jimmy: wow. >> and they kicked me out. >> jimmy: what? >> 'cause i tried to put $400 on seabiscuit. [ laughter ] and they said, "he's no longer with us, sir." i said, "what? when did this happen?" i wanted to bet on s

jimmy kimmel, magic >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- earvin "magic" johnson, jo koy, and music from doechii with jt. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, thank you. very nice. thank you. feels like deja vu. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for joining us on big-time basketball night in america. a special welcome to those of you who are still conscious after game one of the nba finals, the boston celtics versus the dallas mavericks. one of the fun things about working at abc is because we have the finals on our network, i already know who wins. [ laughter ] i get an advance screener. but don't worry, no spoiler alerts. and i hope the mavericks are watching tonight because we have something of an expert when it comes to beating the celtics in the finals, the great and powerful magic johnson is here. [ cheers and applause ] that's not the only great and powerful person. guillermo, welcome back. you've been gone for the last couple of nights. >> gu

>> -- for jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you kidding me? jimmy: hey, i'll wear this with pride. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i will wear this with pride. >> listen. you've been -- >> jimmy: i love you, buddy. >> i got it. i appreciate that. >> jimmy: and i love the show. thank you so much. i want to show everyone a clip. this is an episode ralph directed. here's ralph macchio and william zabka in "cobra kai." take a look at this. what? >> who was it? >> nobody there, just this. [ ticking ] >> wait, you hear that? >> is it ticking? >> kreese. >> come on. you think kreese would walk into a fedex/kinko's with a a bomb? >> he did let a live cobra loose in your dealership. i heard you never even caught the damn thing. >> the wrangler said that was -- that's not the point. >> what about silver? i could see him pulling a a unabomber move like this. don't move it. all we know, it could have a a deadman switch. remember murtaugh on the crapper in "lethal weapon 2"? the key is staying completely and totally still. ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! [ c

>> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: "reader's digest." >> jimmy: yeah, interesting. >> steve: yeah, wow. >> jimmy "good housekeeping" said, "what chores do you do at home?" trump said, "every morning, i make my tanning bed." [ laughter ] while biden said, "every night, i run my teeth through the dishwasher." [ laughter ] up next, "bon appetit" asked, "what's your favorite recipe?" biden said, "filet minion with a miralax glaze and crumbled lipitor." [ laughter ] while trump said, "squirting the ketchup and mustard pumps into my mouth at the same time." [ laughter ] then, "aarp" asked, "do you think you're too old to be president?" trump said, "what?" while biden said, "come again?" [ laughter ] and finally, "tv guide" said "what is your favorite show currently on television?" biden said, "come on, man, i'm way too busy to watch the picture box." [ laughter ] while trump said, "it's a tie between 'hannity' and 'bluey.'" [ laughter ] there you go. that's interesting. they're both one word. [ cheers and applause ] well, some business news, kia is recalling 463,000 suvs 'cause the front seats can cat

jimmy: bring four bags. >> i like that talk. >> jimmy: two -- one golf bag. >> i like -- >> jimmy: oneone 'cause you're gonna hyperventilate when you lose. [ laughter ] you'll be like -- [ hyperventilating ] and that'll pop, and that's why you use the fourth bag. >> i got to do what i got to do to bring home the win. so, you know, i know my -- i know it ain't gonna be easy. >> jimmy: just plug your ears for a second. i'm nervous. [ laughter ] okay, yeah, you can unplug your ears. hey, real quickly. i will see you saturday. >> yes. >> jimmy: but i did see you in the new "bad boys," by the way. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you're a movie star. >> yeah. >> jimmy: keep it going. [ cheers ] congrats on that. >> that was big. that was big for me. >> jimmy: that was great. >> it was great 'cause, first of all, you know, i love the "bad boys" franchise. it's legendary, iconic. but to be in it two times was very special to me. shout out to will smith, martin, jerry bruckheimer, adil, and bilall for believing in me to be in it. but not only just that, 'cause that's something i want to fulfill in my ca

look. >> jimmy: cheers. >> cheers, hey. >> jimmy: you're the best. >> you're the best. ♪ >> jimmy: wowbear" premieres june 27th, exclusively on hulu. we'll be right back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i told myself i was ok with my moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis symptoms. with my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. but just ok isn't ok. and i was done settling. if you still have symptoms after a tnf blocker like humira or enbrel, rinvoq is different and may help. rinvoq is a once-daily pill that can rapidly relieve joint pain, stiffness, and swelling in ra and psa. relieve fatigue, and stop further joint damage. and in psa, can leave skin clear or almost clear. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin; heart attack, stroke, and gi tears occurred. people 50 and older with a heart disease risk factor have an increased risk of death. serious allergic reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. done settling? ask your rheumatologi

>> jimmy: blowing a balloon. >> no. >> jimmy: blowing a bubble. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow! dinging ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow! oh, my god. marlon, it's your turn. your turn. good luck. you get to direct tariq. you get to direct tariq. that was good. >> okay. which number? [ audience shouting numbers ] imma go with two. see how quick that was? [ laughter ] why was yours simple and i got like eight words? okay. [ laughter ] do i show him what this is? >> jimmy: no. yeah, please, yeah. >> okay, so i put my hands -- i don't want to put my hands in there. taye diggs put his fingers in there. >> jimmy: all right, no, come on. it's the anti-gesticulation tubes. >> can i sit on my hands? i'll touch my butt. >> jimmy: yeah, you can do that. [ laughter ] yeah, you can do that. you can sit on your hands. judges say we could. >> i'll put them in -- >> jimmy: no, that's -- >> if i catch something, it's on you. go. [ laughter ] >> tariq: you go. >> okay. i want you to take and make a -- you're gonna throw something. >> tariq: okay. >> yeah. now throw it. and now you're gon

>> jimmy: oh, it's a a no-brainer? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't like the deep dish?o much cheese. >> i don't understand why you need all that extra dough. >> thank you. >> like, what are they hiding? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "what are they hiding?" >> whatever, yeah. >> jimmy: being in chicago, have any of you ever done the polar plunge? >> oh, yes. >> no way. >> jimmy: do you know what i'm talking about? >> many times. >> jimmy: you've done it? >> yes, many times. >> jimmy: you're a trooper, i love -- you won't do it? >> i wouldn't do it, no. i don't understand it. >> why would you do that? >> yeah, exactly. [ light laughter ] >> listen. charity, ask me for some money. [ laughter ] >> there you go. >> don't ask me to jump -- >> jimmy: that's really funny, yeah. no, you gotta do it. i want you to do it, i think you should do it. i did it once. >> it's great. and you went in your suit, right? >> jimmy: i went in with my suit on. i went in, i got -- >> you had a wet suit under it. >> jimmy: no, i didn't. i just had -- well, it became a a frozen suit when i went in, but -

sing. >> jimmy: me too. >> wow. >> jimmy: weird. >> weird. >> jimmy: sister?is the one that's going to be my number one smash. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i -- when i heard it quietly, i was like, "oh, that's a banger." and i turned it up and was like, "oh, no, it's me." and i was like -- >> jimmy: yeah. you're like, "dude, that's it, that's my song. " >> i get it now. he's like -- my brother' s like, "see, it's a banger." >> jimmy: oh, by the way, "whoops," the video, came out today, by the way. >> it did, and i look bomb. did you see it? >> jimmy: yes, it is great. [ scattered cheers ] and you're performing "whoops" live tonight. >> yeah. we rehearsed to the moon and were gonna sing a whole 'nother song, and then last night, i was like, "let's flip it on 'em, let's sing "whoops." >> jimmy: why? why? >> 'cause i'm crazy. >> jimmy: you really are. why are you -- >> i was like, "we just dropped the music video for 'whoops,' why aren't we singing 'whoops.'" >> jimmy: yeah. so, now, we rehearsed it today a couple times, and it's gonna be fantastic. [ cheers and applau

the best. >> jimmy! >> jimmy: come on.ke your own knorr taste combo. it's not fast food, but it's so good. when we're young, we're told anything is possible... ...but only a few of us go out and prove it. witness the greatness of anna hall on a connection worthy of gold: xfinity mobile. only xfinity gives you the most powerful mobile wifi network, with speeds up to a gig in millions of locations. and right now, xfinity internet customers can buy one unlimited line and get one free for a year. get the fastest connection to paris with xfinity. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to fabien frankel, ewan mitchell, keith robinson, common, pete rock, posdnuos, bilal, and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." goodnight, everybody! "the auditorium!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth m

>> jimmy: he came to stay with you. >> yes. >> jimmy: in your house. >> yeah. >> jimmy: if anyone hadwas him to pay. he should have come downstairs. >> come down the stairs, come down the stairs. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unless he was an elderly holocaust survivor. [ laughter ] >> no, he was not. no, he was not. >> jimmy: he was not. i love the idea of you having house guests. even that seems odd to me. i try to sometimes imagine you in different scenarios, you know? like, is there something you can tell us that we would never have known about you? is there anything that pops to mind when i ask that question? >> oh, boy. really put me on the spot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, well. you don't have to -- >> okay, okay, i'll tell you something. all right, you want to know something? >> jimmy: yes. >> my great grandmother dated nietzsche. the german philosopher. [ laughter ] for real. yes, yeah. >> jimmy: dated him? >> dated. they had -- they were -- [ laughter ] they were close. they had a good relationship. he met her parents before he went in. she said to him, "don't say god i

>> jimmy: what?t goatees are donuts and your mouth is the donut hole." >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: i don't know. i didn't even know -- yeah, i'm sorry. >> steve: you're the one to tell me. you're sorry. >> jimmy: you can't -- someone just walked out. >> steve: yeah, are you -- >> jimmy: someone just -- [ laughter ] come back, come back. you can't leave -- can't leave "the tonight show." come back. >> steve: i can't wait to see the poll on that. >> jimmy: let's see the results on this one. ♪ [ sad tuba ] yeah, that's fair. >> steve: whoa. >> jimmy: all right, let's try a new one. here we go. this next one says, "at the start of a vacation, my suitcase is full of perfectly folded clothes. at the end of my vacation, my suitcase looks like i looted a a marshalls." ♪ that's not bad, right? that's good. "just toss it in there. we'll figure it out when we get home." all right, let's see the results on that one, yeah. [ drum roll ] whoa! >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: wow. ♪ three people. three people held out, said,

so, i knew. >> jimmy: 6 or 7. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> somehow, i knew. >> jimmy: yeahook at you. [ laughter and aws ] and who's the equestrian there next to you? >> that would be my sister. >> jimmy: that's your sister. and you dressed like this for years, is what your mom said. >> almost every year i was a a new soccer player. [ laughter ] not very creative. >> jimmy: yeah, but who in the family knew about soccer? just england or -- >> both -- both my parents played. so my dad played professionally. my mom was arguably the better soccer player of the two. [ light laughter ] but -- no, she was also a good player. >> jimmy: do you play as yourself in video games? >> you know, right when you're in the game the first time you definitely want to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> it's the coolest. it's the coolest thing ever. >> jimmy: i mean, come on, you have to. fc 24, you gotta play you. >> it gets old quick, but -- >> jimmy: no! >> definitely. >> jimmy: oh, i would do it all the time. i -- also i saw -- i have in the game, by the way, they have you doing the eye o

and i fear -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i fear, jimmy -- >> jimmy: you do. >> -- that you're gonna -- >>ar-old dave. but you and i, we're gonna kind of take a more humbling look at our history. >> jimmy: here's a clip of shawn levy -- [ laughter ] -- in "zombie nightmare." take a look at this. [ audience ohs ] >> you are disgusting. you're not gonna get to your next birthday if you don't get your act together. >> up yours. >> what did you say, you disrespectful punk? gah! ah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the best clip we've ever showed on "the tonight show." >> wow, wow. it, like -- >> jimmy: that's the best clip we've ever showed of any movie. >> i am so flattered. you're being way too kind. it's suddenly so clear why i'm sitting here as a director and not that guy. >> jimmy: are you eating a a handful of pasta? >> i'm eating a handful of cold spaghetti out of the fridge, 'cause i'm a rebel. [ light laughter ] and just in case you didn't get that message -- >> jimmy: wow. >> -- i throw it at my mom's face -- >> jimmy: rude! >> -- and take a bite. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy:

. >> jimmy: yeah, crab -- >> jimmy: i love that.ying pan on the door if they were open. >> oh. >> jimmy: and if they were closed they wouldn't have anything on the door, but then you'd walk in and they'd tell you what you're eating. there's no menu. >> oh, amazing. maybe i broke into someone's house. [ laughter ] i never heard of a restaurant like that. the more i think about it, yeah, i might have broken into someone's house. so, i apologize. but it was delicious chicken and mashed potatoes. [ light laughter ] whoever -- whoever made it, they made me a nice meal. i want to show everyone a clip. here's natalie portman in "lady in the lake." take a look at this. >> i just was upset that we had nothing to serve. okay. >> oh, god forbid. you should go one day without me serving you. >> serving me. >> yes, milton. yes, milton, i have served you for 20 years, and you think i'm only good for being a a housewife! >> no, i don't. >> yes. >> no, i don't. no. >> then what? >> maddie. >> what do you think i'm good for? >> you never wanted to d

>> good to be back. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ten -- ten years -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- of the show. >> jimmyway to say it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were on your way to paris, is that right? >> i leave right after we finish the show. >> jimmy: is that correct? >> get on a plane to paris. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> i skipped the opening ceremony -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- to be here with you. >> jimmy: come on. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- that's -- >> nowhere -- ♪ that's what friends are for ♪ >> no where i'd rather be that in jorts with you. >> jimmy: yeah, in jorts with me and will. why not, buddy? this is -- why are you off to the olympics? just to enjoy them? >> so, yeah, i got a call. it said ralph lauren is putting together a little group of people to go over to the olympics. ralph lauren has been kind of a a part of my life at some of the most significant moments in my life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> dressed me and my wife for our wedding. and we kind -- >> jimmy: did he really? >> we kind of met -- he did, yeah. we met because we were sort of paired together at the met gala years ago with ra

>> jimmy: yes, i did.rs? you going to scoop it? >> i guess -- that's -- that's what the rules say. i mean, i don't know. >> jimmy: we'll just add our -- >> this is your game. >> jimmy: that's true. all right, we have 30 seconds on the clock. ready, set, go. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ ♪ stop! ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] i'm out of breath. how competitive are we? >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: this is why we can't golf together. >> you're covered in lemonade. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i really am. wait, the final score -- bobby, 37. me? 33. congratulations! [ cheers and applause ] bobby -- by four sips. bobby flay, everyone. check out "bobby's triple threat" and "bbq brawl" on food network. stick around, we're talking to fran lebowitz after the break, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [water flowing] [water flowing] [phone dings] oh my god. what? the host is coming back. (♪♪) [birds chirping] [phone dings] meanwhile, at a vrbo... oh my god. what? i got onekeycash on this house. hmm... [water flowing] hmm... when other vaca

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you. appreciate that.ery nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here at our home in hollywood where it's a very big night. we have a vip guest tonight, a vip vp guest tonight. [ whoops ] all the way from washington, the vice president of the united states is with us. [ cheers and applause ] kamala harris is here. [ rim shot ] everything is really -- the secret service swept our building. which we desperately needed. [ laughter ] it's filthy, by the way. it's especially great that they're here, because guillermo is not here tonight. we are unprotected. he is on assignment at media day for the nba finals. we sent him away because, for reasons of national security, not many people know this -- [ laughter ] you're not allowed to have both of america's most powerful number twos in the same room at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] so we shipped him off to boston. this was a surprise. boy, just when you think you can't possibly be surprised by anything anymore, joe

>> jimmy: that's right.le tv+. [ cheers and applause ] we're talking to chappell roan after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ psst! it's target circle week. sorry, it's what week? target circle week! what did she say? i think she said— circle. not following... what week? circle week! she's saying circle week. it's the biggest sale of the season! oh great! does that mean more savings or something? you bet your bottom derler! your bottom what? looking for a reason to try the new $5 meal deal at mcdonalds? here's one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. that's everything you get with the new $5 meal deal at mcdonald's. to help protect from hiv, i prep without pills. with apretude, a prescription medicine used to reduce the risk of hiv without daily prep pills. with one shot every other month, just 6 times a year. in studies, apretude was proven superior to a daily prep pill in reducing the risk of hiv. you must be hiv negative, to receive apretude and get tested before each injec

>> jimmy: i do.aughter ] ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, drinking smoothies through regular-sized straws, for letting me fulfill my life-long dream of dying of an aneurysm at jamba juice. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, trump challenging biden to a golf match. [ light laughter ] may the one with the fewest strokes win and i'm not talking about shots. there you have it, everybody. those are our thank you notes. we'll be right back with channing tatum. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: after we ask each other a question, we get to slap the other person. does that sound okay, channing? >> yeah, that sounds fine to me, i think. yeah. [ slapping sound ] are you okay with it? >> jimmy: yeah. [ slapping sound ] [ cheers and applause ] to screen for colon cancer? -was that after i texted the age to screen was now 45? [both] because i said cologuard®! -hey there! -where did he come from? -yup, with me you can screen at home. just talk to your provider. [both] we'll screen with cologuard and

>> yeah. >> jimmy: you have. >> finally. >> jimmy: is it civil, or no?ind someone dumber. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i get the sense that it's not just democrats that don't like her. >> oh, no, no, no. like, her people don't like her either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: her people don't like her either. >> no. >> jimmy: after that, did you get republicans going, oh, good point? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you did, oh, wow. >> soon after, i saw a couple of republican women that were like wink, wink. [ laughter ] they were like -- and then i do have a few text messages from some republican men. then i've had some republican men walk up to me and say, "i love your eyelashes." [ laughter ] "you better." >> jimmy: now then, i guess the president, his campaign, people saw this and they said, we need to send you out on the road to spread the good word, yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. so you've been doing that? >> i have. >> jimmy: what do you tell people? what's your message to people? >> it's not about bleach blonds. no, no, i really have -- >> jimmy: for sure, beca

>> jimmy: uh-huh.my: it's not enough. >> could you do the whole thing? >> jimmy: yeah, you know i could. [ laughter ] >> you're like, "i'm about to." >> jimmy: i can and i will. would you rather experience tingling or numbness? >> where? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your choice. >> tingling. tingling sounds quite nice. >> jimmy: oh, see, i was thinking the kind of tingling you feel when you bump your -- >> oh, no, i thought tingling was a sort of like, ooh. >> jimmy: like spider-man tingle? >> a little bit of a spicy kind of thing. is this selling it for you? because numb just means you're flatlining. >> jimmy: to tingling. >> to tingling. >> jimmy: long may you tingle. >> long may you tingle. >> ketel one vodka, the answer to life's ridiculous questions. marshalls buyers hustle for the latest trends, from fashion... double denim is back. got it! to beauty, so you don't have to. that is a deal! we get the deals, you get the good stuff. marshalls. i thought i was sleeping ok... but i was waking up so tired. t

jimmy, estas cosas son mi especialidad.abes qué? tómate el fin de semana y el lunes tendremos prospectos más interesantes. ¿qué te parece el monte carlo? genial. gracias, señor devlin. gracias a todos. - [mujer] de nada, jimmy. - [clark] de nada. [hombre] suerte para la próxinma. bueno, si querías que se fijara en ti, misión cumplida. ¿qué vas a hacer la próxima vez? ¿atacarla con un cuchillo? esto es difícil para mí. ¿qué tiene de difícil? solo tienes que decir algo como "disculpa, ¿quieres tomar un café?". cuando estoy con mujeres hermosas, no puedo hablar. claro, mujeres hermosas. exacto, con una diosa, como la hermosa mujer de la galería. gracias, gracias por lo que me toca. ¿qué tienes? nada. ¿qué? ¿no deduces cómo me siento? mmm, ¿estás triste? no. ¿harta? no. ¿estreñida? no. ay, algo. dime qué tienes. que ningún chico haría por mí lo que tú hiciste por ella, lo que intentaste hacer. ¿sabes por qué? porque eres una mujer desesperante. sí, un placer trabajar contigo. hola. delila, disculpa, ¿quieres ir a tomar café con

we learning from the jimmy canons of the world. we learning from sportswriters said we were also learning from dickens. and by the way, breslin you know, had this kind of persona. he had many personas, but one was the guy at the end of the bar, pat, and, you know, kind of boorish and everything extremely well read, extremely well read, well versed in literature and theology and and so he would chafe at that notion a little bit of being a new journalist. he was applying sportswriting would say to everyday life, you know. so that's that's why it goes back to the to the to the clifton pollard. okay. so had happened was he went to where all the pageantry was on the day of the funeral he sees haley selassie dressed up and some kind of crazy outfit and he sees 3000 journalists. and as he told tom robbins years ago, he said, that's death for me. that's death. i had to go. so then he has an idea and goes to art buchwald, a friend of his and he says, i'm thinking of going to arlington and seeing who the guy is that takes the grave. and buch

oh, welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!." [ cheering ] jimmy kimmel is not here.'m your guest host, [ cheering ] >> my name is kathryn hahn. [ cheering ] i'm going to be filling in for the next three nights. what? and while some of you may want me to step aside for the good of the country, i'm not going anywhere! [ cheering ] i am very excited, and despite my cool exterior, i'm also a little anxious. but jimmy said that if i get nervous i should just picture guillermo in his underwear. is that ok, guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah, that's okay. >> kathryn: do i have your consent? >> go ahead. >> kathryn: okay, thank you. ♪ [ cheering ] >> kathryn: thank you. that's great. >> guillermo: welcome. >> kathryn: so much better. not nervous at all. okay. so more than anything this week, i'm really hoping to find my own late night host persona. because right now i've got nothing. i don't know who i am. fallon plays party games, john oliver does the funny accent, kimmel takes ridiculously long vacations. i need some kind of attention-grabbing catchphrase, like whenever somethi

jimmy dean griddle cakes.ll over your feet?! they're flowers, i study botany. resting dad face back there likes plants too. grab some pruners, let's prune. (♪) about the mess that big yellow and i made. yeah, is there any way that i can make it up to you? actually, you could help me promote my new mini chimi bang bangs. you think i could be bought, you son of a- hello. this is only showing in japan, right? i'm so sorry jack about the mess that big yellow and i made. yeah, is there any way that i can make it up to you? actually, you could help me promote my new mini chimi bang bangs. you think i could be bought, you son of a- hello. this is only showing in japan, right? >> lou: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live," guest host >> lou: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live," guest host lamorne morris with -- ♪ imagine a future where plastic is not wasted... but instead remade over and over... into the things that keep our food fresher, our families safer, and our planet cleaner. to help us get there, america's plastic makers

, jimmy. >> we're excited about it.football. we still have a couple of white whale guests out there we're trying to do. i think we're persistent in asking them to be on the show, we just can't quite close them. larry david, flight he's a big football fan. >> kathryn: oh, yeah. >> we'd love to shame him into coming on the show tonight. [ laughter ] >> kathryn: that's a good group. >> president bush. shows are two we're shooting for. hopefully they're watching tonight. we can guilt them into saying yes. [ applause ] >> kathryn: you're really figuring it out for yourself. i have mad respect. also, you're maybe a college professor? >> yeah, easy on that. [ laughter ] not an actor, not a college professor. >> kathryn: i feel like there's a lot of renaissance happening for peyton manning. >> guest lecture urat my alma mater, the university of tennessee, in the college of communications. [ applause ] two times a year. and i was a communications major. small classes. 50 students, 80 students. i love doing it. i've talked about

i love jimmy fallon.n honor of tonight's debate, we're going to play "presidential blind charades!" [ cheers and applause ] >> i know how that works. >> jiminy: here's how it works. using my thespian skills, i am going to act out a clue. and nick has to guess what that clue is. but he'll be wearing a blindfold. so he won't be able to see what i'm doing. that's where melissa comes in. what she then does is she describes to nick every one of my movements. you know, so he has to make an educated guess, but he's blindfolded. [ laughter ] isn't that fun what i just said? >> yeah. >> jiminy: didn't understand it. >> absolutely. >> jiminy: first of all, put the blindfold on him and come in here. >> oh, guillermo's going to put it on? >> jiminy: no, no, you put it on, dear. this is not tricky, honest to god. it's like dealing with someone who's had a head injury. [ laughter ] yes, go ahead. >> okay. >> jiminy: wonderful, wonderful. okay. now, so do you understand what's going to happen now? i'm going to do it, an

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right now on jimmy kimmel. the guest host is anthony anderson, and he'll be joined by actor and comedian ken jeong. have a great night. >> and a wonderful weekend. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" with guest host anthony anderson! tonight -- ken jeong, chef kevin bludso, and music from remi wolf. with cleto and the cletones. and now, anthony anderson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> anthony: all right! all right, baby. all right! [ cheers and applause ] yes! keep it going! [ cheers and applause ] all right. all right, everybody. let's calm down. we've got a show to do tonight. welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm your guest host, anthony anderson. [ cheers and applause ] i'm sad to say that this is my final night guest-hosting. [ audience: disappointed moans ] yeah. i always love being here, but you know what i love even more? not doing [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i'm ready to sit the hell down, drink myself silly, and fall asleep wherever i want. [ cheers and applause ] all right? i basically get to d

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welcome to "jimmy kimmel live."'m your guest host, anthony anderson. [ cheers and applause ] i want you to keep it going, because we have a lot to celebrate tonight. just next door at the "el capitan theater" the emmy nominations were announced this morning. the most nominated shows this year are "shogun" and "the bear." "the bear" now holds the record for most nominations of a comedy that's not actually a comedy. [ laughter ] but the big news is that "jimmy kimmel live" was nominated for outstanding talk series. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. i've hosted the show for three nights, and we got nominated for a [ bleep ] emmy! [ cheers and applause ] that's some serious star power right there! the show is up for an emmy and so is our director, andy fisher. andy, cut away to yourself. [ cheers and applause ] and congratulations to jimmy's writers who are nominated for their work on the oscars. [ cheers and applause ] i'd mention them individually, but i don't know any of their [ bleep ] names. [ laughter ] guille

thank you, thank you, and welcome to "jimmy kimmel live."'m your guest host, martin short. [ cheers and applause ] and i know what you're all thinking. martin short is way too famous to be doing this. [ laughter ] and i am. so good night, everybody! [ cheers ] no, i got such rave reviews from last night's show, i can't stop now. isn't that right? i'm sorry, what was your name again? >> guillermo: guillermo. [ laughter ] >> martin: exactly. this is my second night here, and i have to say, it's even harder than jimmy makes it look. [ laughter ] ever since i agreed to host the show, i've been trying to get covid. [ laughter ] but i didn't, so here i am. achoo! mom? can you believe, truthfully that covid is still a thing? covid is one of those words we all hoped we'd never hear again. like scaramucci and mclemore. [ laughter ] we have so much to get to here starting with the heartbreaking news that everyone is talking about -- hooters yesterday announced they are closing dozens of their underperforming locations. [ moans ] yeah, i know. why is i

welcome to "jimmy kimmel live."'m your guest host, lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] i've got to say, i am very honored to be here. i truly am. the fact that jimmy personally picked up the phone to call his agent who had his assistant text his manager who dm'd my pilates instructor -- [ laughter ] who then posted a meme asking me to host? [ applause ] that really means a lot to me, [ bleep ]. i've been having a lot of fun. last night, i told some jokes about biden and kamala and trump. i thought i was pretty fair. and this is not a joke. today, "newsweek" asked a spokesperson for donald trump if they had a comment on my comments. and that spokesperson wrote back, "who is lamont morris?" [ laughter ] thought that was pretty good. i thought that was pretty funny. here's the thing. i don't know who lamont morris is -- [ laughter ] but if you think he's the dude telling all these trump jokes, then let's go with that. [ laughter ] i don't need the smoke, i don't. kamala harris was in milwaukee today for her first o

all right, welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." you right now. like hosting your talk show while you eat weed gummies in a fishing boat, right, guillermo? that's right. >> yeah. that's right. yeah yea. >> yo, guillermo, you watched the baseball game tonight? >> no, i didn't watch it. no. okay well, tonight was the major league all star game in arlington, texas. >> but the real show was last night during the home run derby where not everything was a home run. >> please welcome four time grammy nominated country singer songwriter ingrid andress and the rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. >> o'er the land of the and the home of the brave yeah. that >> but ingrid did knock it out of the park with her response to that performance. she posted this message today. now, i'm not going to y'all. i was drunk last night. i'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help that i need. that was not me last night. i apologize to mlb all the fans and this country i love so much for that re

welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm your guest host, lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ now, now, i've had an awesome time this week, but sad to say, this is my final night hosting the show. i know, i know. but i'm leaving here with memories that will last a lifetime, and about $4,000 worth of sound equipment. [ laughter ] now, by the way, can you imagine all the cool [ bleep ] joe biden's gonna take on his way out of the white house? pens, paper clips, maybe a couple nuclear warheads. [ laughter ] now, president biden addressed the nation last night about his decision not to seek re-election. biden said, it's been the honor of his life to serve as our president and that nancy pelosi can kiss his black ass. [ laughter ] that's what he said. that's what he said. at least that's what i think he said. trying to figure it out, piece it together, but just before the president's remarks last night, donald trump held a rally in north carolina, and while these two men may have very different views of america, they bo

jimmy thanks, emma and julian. >> who needs jimmy when you've got me? 1977 i found myself alone solo han solo stephanopoulos. live tomorrow on good morning america. >> it's a story we've stuck to following ever since this video was shared. a crowd of people rushing to and stealing from this oakland gas station. it happened in the early morning hours of july 5th. and tonight we're hearing from the business owner and the council member who represents the area, who tells us more needs to be done to keep businesses safe. oakland police sent officers to patrol the gas station today on hegenberger at the request of the owner. the response looked different last week when the owner says it took officers nine hours to respond. oakland police tell us they did not understand the magnitude of this incident until they saw the video. >> they said there was nothing we could do. you cannot just file a report online. that's our respon. >> reporter the owner tells us the vandals caused more than $100,000 in damage, including $22,000 taken from the atm. oakland city counc

jimmy carter was challenged on the left in 1980 but before that there was the emergence of jimmy carterisenstadt former ambassador to european union work in the carter administration policy advisor to the president author of the new book the american negotiations reach historic agreements to change the world but what i love as he steps back and looks at history and in this case military foreign policy but also his experience in prior book writing or jimmy carter his old boss and i thought of you with these great books and it's environment where all of a sudden jimmy carter's name comes up a lot and without directly and for referring to him by name the president touched on it yesterday and want you to react to it. >> the idea that senators and congressmen running for office worry about the ticket is not unusual and i might add at least 5 presidents running or incumbent presidents who had lower numbers and i have now. later in the campaign so it's a long way to go speak it's a long way to go. 1 of the presidents was jimmy carter that ultimately didn't get reelected. lost in a landslide. d

right now on jimmy kimmel nikki >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! with guest host kumail nanjiani. tonight, nikki glaser, paul scheer, and music from mon laferte. with cleto and the cletones. and now, kumail nanjiani! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> kumail: wow, thank you, thank you. wow, thank you. wow, thank you, thank you. welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." i am your guest host, kumail nanjiani. thank you for coming. this is my first time ever hosting a late-night talk show host. [ cheers and applause ] i am so excited to be here. what a super-chill time to be doing a topical monologue on national television. [ laughter ] just sharing your personal opinions with millions of people. i feel like right now i could come out in favor of ranch dressing and it would still end my career. [ laughter ] this is a big night for abc, and not just because i'm hosting "kimmel." [ laughter ] tonight was the espys. an event i know literally nothing about. [ laughter ] but what i do know is that every year, they shamefully overlook my favorite sport, cricket. [ cheers a

welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!" am your guest host anthony anderson. [ cheers and applause ] now, this is my 17th time hosting this show. now, i'm very excited to be here. but i know it's a weird night. everybody's still shaken up by the tragic events at the trump rally this saturday. all weekend, i kept thinking, "i wonder what jimmy kimmel's gonna say about this on monday" and then i was like, "oh [ bleep ], i am jimmy kimmel on monday!" [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh! what would he say? well, in all seriousness, i do want to say that our thoughts are with the families of the victims and that hopefully this will be a moment that we can all take a step back from the hatred and vitriol in our politics and maybe chill the [ bleep ] out. right? [ cheers and applause ] and by the way, if you want to maintain your sanity during this crazy time, do not go on the internet. all right? [ laughter ] there are insane conspiracies popping up on both sides. you know how the far right has qanon? well, conspiracy theories from the

but first, here's a look at what's ahead on the jimmy kimmel live! tonight with guest host kathryn hahn. right after abc seven news at 11, kathryn. >> thanks, dan. honestly, i don't miss jimmy either. >> is this allowed? it's food. this is what a live action version of sausage party would be like. yeah turn up some romantic music it's piled high with tender beef that's slow cooked and smothered in tangy memphis style barbecue sauce. it's no fuss, no muss. just tons of flavor. the best barbecue beef is only a togo's. try one today. north carolina tonight. look at this. after their loss to columbia, about a dozen players from uruguay's national team brawled with fans in the stands. the fight started behind the uruguay bench. shortly after the match ended, the players then climbed a staircase into the mostly pro columbia crowd. uruguay's captain says players went into the crowd to protect their families and calls the whole situation just a disaster. and it really was just a terrible mess, the ap reports. it took police ten minutes to arrive on the scene

i'm up for the. >> next week on jimmy kimmel live!th ken jones, gina rodriguez, howie mandel and lisa kudrow. plus music from pepe aguilar, role model remi wolf and the decemberists >> i've got to run to keep from harm, and i'm bound to keep on ride. i've got one more silver dollar, but i'm not gonna let him catch me. no, i'm gonna let him catch the midnight rider >> let's see what we got in this fridge. >> what's a recipe? using what i have in my fridge. >> guys, let's do some trivia. >> oh, yes, let's do that. yeah >> summarize this. >> it starts with an empty prompt. i was okay the next question and the most advanced ai at your fingertips >> frosted flakes, good burger great great great. right. >> there's still great grandpa. >> see, i told you they're going >> fast. it's target's circle. wait. >> i'm sorry. it's. what week? target >> circle week. what'd she say? >> i think she said circle. >> not following. >> what week? >> circle week. >> she's saying circle week. >> it's the biggest sale of the season. >> oh, great. >> does that

like the fact that all of jimmy's shoes have six-inch lifts in them. [ laughter ] no idea.id you know that, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, i didn't know that. [ laughter ] >> kathryn: well, now you do. how is everybody feeling? [ cheers and applause ] love it! is the a/c working okay? it's very hot outside, i've heard. very hot. it's so hot in las vegas. >> audience: how hot is it? >> kathryn: wow, this is an amazing audience. it's so hot in las vegas, all bachelorette parties are canceled because chicken dales can't get their balls unstuck from their legs. [ rimshot ] whoo! my daughter's here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] hi, honey. of course, no one gets more fired up about the heat than our nation's newscasters. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow wow wow. >> oh, oh! >> oh, oh! >> holy cow. >> oh boy. >> oh my goodness. >> oh my goodness. >> oh my goodness. >> oh my goodness. >> my goodness. >> oh my goodness gracious. >> oh my gosh.

jimmy carter was a pro-life democratic president which would be unheard of in 2024.l clinton worked to create a balanced budget amendment and said that the era of big government was over. worked on welfare reform as well. and barack obama was considered the porter and chief on immigration. now they embrace kamala harris. by far the most radical senator and now vice president and now presidential nominee you will ever see. she is forfor eliminating the fossil fuel industry. abolishing ice. and she opposes border wall construction. and free health care to illegals. she wants to end all private health insurance. she wants to allow violent criminals to vote from prison. she doesn't believe in voter id. she does believe, however that biological men should compete against biological women. and she is for raising tax and is late term abortion. and as far as reimagining police, that's code for defund the police, and you can tell that to the families of the 200 plus police officers shot in the line of duty this year. and again, kamala harris, over and over has insisted that j

. >> first, a look at what's coming up tonight on jimmy kimmel live!h guest host anthony anderson. right after abc seven news at 11. >> anthony thanks dan and ama i'm anthony anderson. stay up and i'll give you jimmy's phone number. toronto compton, drake or kendrick one is canadian. yeah >> and one is amazing. so yeah grand hyatt hotel from suspected cyanide poisoning. the dead include two americans and four vietnamese nationals. traces of cyanide were found in teacups delivered by room service at this five star hotel. police are investigating whether a financial dispute may have motivated this terrible incident. these deaths. they may also be a murder suicide. but the investigation just getting underway. >> we have covered gun buybacks in the past, but what's taking place in oakland this coming weekend is a little different. mount zion missionary baptist church is holding its annual event from 12 to 4 p.m. on saturday. it's on willow street. it's called guns to garden for a reason. not only will people receive money for firearms, they turn in, howeve

but first, here's a look at what's ahead on jimmy kimmel live! tonight with guest host kathryn hahn. right after abc seven news at 11. kathryn, thanks, dan. >> i'm just like jimmy, minus the weird beard. tell me why football seemed to be kind of a family business ♪ do what you want ♪ get into an audi and go your own way. find your way to exceptional offers during the summer of audi sales event at you local audi dealer. ♪ hey, come on, come on ♪ ♪ do what you want ♪ get into an audi and go your own way. find your way to exceptional offers during the summer of audi sales event at you local audi dealer. concerns about it. the owner of the hillsboro home says the stone age omakase sushi experience was booked through the end of the month. hillsboro city staff found out about the viral diners dinners rather on social media. the problem is the home is in a residential area and restaurants are not allowed there under the town's zoning rules. >> you know, we certainly see in catering events and those are fine in town. we have many private events that are