, jimmy?a great -- it says a lot of things. >> yeah. i love the different expressions i get from people when i tell them what it's called. it's good. i mean, and it's -- they're all -- they're all in the record. i mean, just that feeling of euphoria. >> jimmy: they're all real. >> yeah, how do you get there? >> jimmy: yeah. but this is a totally different record than the one you made. you made a completely different album. >> yeah, i made a different record called "615." and, um, 13 songs and had it ready to go at the beginning of '23. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and just when i was playing it for a bunch of people, i was like, "this is not the record." i just didn't feel good about it. >> jimmy: you weren't feeling it? >> i scrapped pretty much the whole thing and started again. >> jimmy: that's insane. so i could never -- i mean, that's how talented you are. because if i ever wrote 13 songs, they would be released. [ laughter ] >> but i'm grateful. because i'm really happy with this record. so someti

>> jimmy: yes! >> we don't know. >> jimmy: okay.o, but that -- the news you were talking about, it seems old to you, jimmy. but we've been away all summer. >> jimmy: we missed you guys. >> there's been so much news that we have not been able to joke about. >> yeah, so we were wondering, would it be okay if we told some of those jokes from the summer right now? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all right. i think we should do it. >> we didn't have a chance to. >> jimmy: let's do it. okay, here we go. this summer, louisiana became the first state to mandate that the ten commandments be displayed in every public-school classroom. >> wow, every public school classroom? my only question is, what's public-school? [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's -- never mind. yeah. in july, donald trump chose ohio senator j.d. vance as his running mate. >> well, i guess he can't dodge every bullet. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: how about this? there was a report this summer that the best cities in the u.s. to retire are minneapolis, orlando, and cincinnati. >> yes, while the

>> jimmy: what's up? what's up? >> let's go! >> jimmy: wow.itting with my kids and my wife. i'm like, "ma, this man on tv, like, challenging me." i'm minding my business. i ate at an italian restaurant. i just gained five pounds. [ laughter ] i just had some -- some incredible shrimp scampi. i'm like -- and i'm watching tv. 'cause i'm a big fallon fan. and i'm watching, and he called me out. i was like, "he's joking." you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] and then i said, "you know what? i'm tired of the jokes." [ cheers ] i said -- [ cheers ] >> jimmy: what? >> i said, "he want to golf? let's golf." >> jimmy: whoa, come on now. [ cheers and applause ] >> let's golf. let's golf. fallon, how you doing, brother? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. i don't know how -- i don't know what your game is like. how long have you been golfing? is it a new thing for you? >> um, i always had a nice, little swing, and i always liked playing golf. but i never really played it, like, every day. so, when the pandemic hit, i started playing, like, every single day. and

he'll go, "jimmy, you got it." >> jimmy: yeah.n the show. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: just let me have it. [ light laughter ] and seth, i'm good friends with. just one year. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's not like it's a a big deal. but also "people" sent me a a bunch of -- you get swag. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: when you get nominated for this type of stuff, sexiest man -- what is it? sexiest -- >> steve: tv host. >> jimmy: -- tv host. whatever. doesn't matter. [ laughter ] >> steve: not talk show host. >> jimmy: you'd think it would be sexiest person. >> steve: i know. >> jimmy: i'm not even on the "people" list. >> steve: read your tattoo. >> jimmy: sexiest -- the -- the list is getting narrower and narrower. >> steve: narrower. >> jimmy: sexiest tv host holding a sharpie and pointing at a mug. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: they give you swag. ready for --? >> steve: like a car? >> jimmy: look at this. look at this. >> steve: oh. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ imitating electric motor ] >> jimmy: you know what -- you

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host.nks for watching. thank you for coming. oh man, oh man, you picked a very good night to be here. this show tonight, by the end of the hour, i think you will agree, is the supermoon of television shows. george clooney, we already saw brad pitt, kaitlin olson, music from the smashing pumpkins, and we have one more tremendous surprise for you too. [ cheers and applause ] you won't be disappointed. speaking of smashed pumpkins -- you know, i'll get to trump later. [ laughter ] the big news last night was diddy got arrested. did you see this? this is definitely not a morning you want to wake up "feeling like p diddy." sean combs is in custody in new york where he was indicted on charges of sex trafficking and racketeering. according to prosecutors, p. was head of "a criminal super prize" that included, among other things, forced labor, kidnapping, bribery, and arson. he plead the not guilty today. his lawyer said "he's going to clear his name" and you know he has a lot of them to clear. [ l

sorry about that, jimmy. i'm okay. how are you? >> jimmy: good.eem a little hectic over there. >> hectic, no, no, no, no, no. just getting ready for the last 45 days of the campaign. feeling optimistic and good. [ glass breaks ] >> jimmy: what was that? is everything okay? [ laughter ] >> yeah, sure. jimmy, everything's okay, and in control, and looking good. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. what happened to the other guy? >> he's putting out a fire, you could say -- >> jimmy: like -- like an -- like an actual fire? >> i'm sorry, i'm sorry. what was your question? these were supposed to go to brad. >> jimmy: look, i -- [ light laughter ] after all these past few weeks here, your campaign has had a a lot to deal with. >> like what, jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who are you? >> i'm just filling in for the other guy. we're good. what have we had to deal with? >> jimmy: well, the false claim that immigrants in ohio were eating pets, a questionable trump debate performance, his involvement with laura loomer, him posting "i hate taylor swift," just to name a a few

yeah. >> jimmy: and number three, jimmy fallon.jimmy: you think i should be higher? >> no -- you think i should be higher on the list? >> i just didn't -- i didn't see you making the list at all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? maybe you should take your sunglasses off inside. [ laughter ] too bright in here for you? too bright in here for you, kevin? >> look at this. look at this, stud. look at this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is not stud? >> no, man. >> jimmy: this is stud. >> no. >> jimmy: yes. they say so. [ cheers and applause ] i'll give you -- i'll give you stud on that. >> how about steve harvey being number one? what is that? >> jimmy: i know, what is that? come on, that's rigged. that is rigged. >> i've got to call them about that. >> jimmy: that seems rigged. that's the host -- >> it doesn't seem, like, legit -- >> jimmy: yeah, you can't win on your own show, be number one stud of all time. >> but steve is -- steve -- i've got to give unc credit, steve's fashion is top notch. steve is a -- is a a well

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. cleto.uillermo, how are you? i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us at our headquarters here in hollywood. beautiful hollywood, california. the tmz tour bus capital of the world. [ laughter ] glad you're here. we're now 46 days away from donald trump claiming he won the election, whether he did or not. [ laughter ] kamala harris appears to have momentum. i think. the polls say she does. but they also say she doesn't. i don't know. a slate of new polls have been rolling out over the last few days. "the morning consult" says harris got a big bump from the debate, out to a six-point lead. whereas the "new york times"/siena college poll says she didn't get a big bump, and the race is tied. though that same poll says that while trump and harris are tied nationally, she's up four points in pennsylvania, which is a key swing state that could decide the election. but there's bad news too, because "the washington post" says she and trump are tied in penn

>> jimmy: we didn't talk about a thing. >> ah, jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm not doing anything. [ light laughter ] i'm going to go and scream. >> i thought it would be a good idea for you -- shouldn't jimmy, like, come out and do like a -- like a a 15-minute set to warm up the crowd? >> jimmy: 15-minute set, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] not happening. 15 minutes? you're crazy. >> oh, i'm sorry. you want more? >> jimmy: no, i don't want more. >> you can do more. >> jimmy: i can't do 15 -- no one wants to see that. >> i think it's what the people want. >> jimmy: no, it's not -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "i just think it's what the people want." >> i think it's what the people want. >> jimmy: "i only think -- it's the people want." [ cheers and applause ] no, it's not what the people want! look -- i will see you there, though. >> i can't wait for you to come to the show. >> jimmy: yes. >> because it will complete the tour. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think so? that's the thing you've been really missing? i know you just added ten shows, right? >> we're adding ten shows, ye

>> jimmy: oh, harry. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you for doing this. are you easily scared?here we go. my first time. [ screaming ] we're going down! >> jimmy? [ bleep ] >> this way. >> jimmy: want me to go first? >> this way. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. hello. nice to see you. you look nice. [ spooky music ] ♪ after you, please. [ screaming ] >> was that you? >> jimmy: what's happening? [ bleep ]. >> there's a serial killer on the loose. >> jimmy: oh, i see someone. >> is that a panda? >> hi. >> jimmy: yes, it is a panda. >> hello. >> jimmy: oh, [ bleep ]. you're afraid of pandas. you're afraid of pandas. >> no, i'm not! >> all right, now, look at this little guy. here's a very rare breed. >> you look great in glasses. >> jimmy: thank you. [ growling ] [ hatching noises ] [ growling ] that actually got me. all right, that one actually -- [ screaming ] >> jimmy: ah! hi. >> hi, hi. >> jimmy: nice to see you. thank you. >> ahh! >> jimmy: twice. >> we know you're there. >> jimmy: i know. why would you say it twice? >> why? >> gah! >> i've got 'em, daddy. >> jimmy: god, i can't get o

>> not anymore. >> jimmy: no? >> no. >> jimmy: no, wow, how come?ey have so many other offerings now, so i eat a nice chicken salad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what? >> i'm trying to stay slim and trim around here. >> jimmy: it's funny, because just when i think, oh, man, this guy's got it all. i suddenly feel bad for you. [ laughter ] you can't eat my hot dogs. >> i can only eat one, maybe. >> jimmy: i don't want to anger you. but i do want to bring something up. because this guy, i have it here, quote, this anthony edwards. he plays for the timberwolves. he was comparing your nba era to his nba era now. and he said, "i don't think anybody had skill back then. michael jordan was the only one that really had skill, you know what i mean? so that's why when they saw kobe they were like, oh, my god. but now everybody haskell." >> hm. thanks a lot, anthony. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> i think he should have asked somebody, maybe his father or grandfather, about kareem abdul-jabbar. [ cheers and applause ] dr. j. isaiah thomas. larry bird. clyde

>> jimmy: what?ghter ] >> audience: we're in new york city, and it's quite pleasant here. 75 degrees. >> jimmy: right, right, but this show airs all across the country. >> audience: we only care about new york, because that's where we are. >> jimmy: guys, you should care about other people and other places. >> audience: you're right. we're not empathetic. our therapist says it's something we need to work on. >> jimmy: you all have the same therapist? >> audience: yeah. >> jimmy: that's weird. >> audience: almost as weird as seeing a bird catch a worm with a potholder. ha-ha-ha. >> jimmy: okay. fair enough. all right. [ applause ] moving on. fair enough. okay. they're right. some business news, mcdonald's just announced that they're going to start serving mcflurries in a new cardboard cup that has four flaps to cover the top. every chinese takeout restaurant was like, "wow, where did you come up with that idea?" [ laughter ] can we see a new photo of the new cardboard cups? yeah. [ light laughter ] it

>> jimmy: with a hairstyle. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, you need the ball., what do you do for work? >> i am a student incoming at ucla in exactly one week. >> jimmy: oh, you are. this will be a great impression on your new friends. >> i know, right? >> that's good. >> jimmy: do you have a girlfriend? >> but i think this might. >> jimmy: i like so far we got kind of a dorothy hamel look here. [ laughter ] and now it's getting more of a jim carrey "dumb and dumber" type of look. >> yeah! [ laughter ] okay. this is the best part. >> jimmy: i like that you left this here. this is a nice touch. >> ready? okay. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. this is where it gets real serious. are you a transformers -- were you a transformers kid, liam? >> yes, i was. huge on transformers. >> jimmy: are you excited about the movie? >> oh, yeah, i'm excited. >> jimmy: you think you'll scare the children when you go to see it? >> i might, i might. they might kick me out. >> jimmy: chris, did you play with transformers when you were a kid? >> all the way to australia. i did. i don

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. guillermo. you very much. [ cheers and applause ] i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i thank you for watching. i thank you for joining us here -- [ cheers and applause ] -- in hollywood. it's very nice. i have to say, especially for those of you who are visiting us. they say hollywood is the entertainment capital of the world, but entertainment can come from any place. tonight's most entertaining story comes all the way from crockett county, tennessee, where one of the thousand-town sister from tlc was arrested after she said she was bitten by a camel. [ laughter ] that's right. 500 of the 1,000-pound sisters, amy, is facing child endangerment and drug possession charges after she was arrested at the tennessee safari park in alamo. it's a drive-thru zoo, which are the best ones, by the way. [ laughter ] story says amy was bitten on the arm by a camel, though the ca camel's attorney disputes that. [ laughter ] either way, the cops came. when they got to amy's car, deputies were immediately over

>> good to be back. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ten -- ten years -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- of the show. >> jimmything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "that is something." that's a good way to say it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are on your way to paris, is that right? >> i leave right after we finish the show. >> jimmy: is that correct? >> get on a plane to paris. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> i skipped the opening ceremony -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- to be here with you. >> jimmy: come on. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- that's -- >> nowhere -- ♪ that's what friends are for ♪ >> nowhere i'd rather be that in jorts with you. >> jimmy: yeah, in jorts with me and will. why not, buddy? this is -- why are you off to the olympics? just to enjoy them? >> so, yeah, i got a call. it said ralph lauren is putting together a little group of people to go over to the olympics. ralph lauren has been kind of a a part of my life at some of the most significant moments in my life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> dressed me and my wife for our wedding. and we kind -- >> jimmy: did he really? >> we kind of met -- he did, yeah. we met because we

and now, jimmy kimmel. ♪ [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, welcome, welcome. thank you.'m jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us after a rare and magical monday night of football here on our network, abc. where the lord god intended it to be on monday nights. remember when monday night football was only on abc? now it's everywhere. like chick-fil-a. you can get it anywhere you want. welcome to those who were too lazy to turn off the tv after tonight's 1-1 washington commanders took on the 0 and 2 cincinnati bengals. we get the best matchups! while most of america was going church and watching football over the weekend, donald trump was very busy truthing. here's a sampling of the subjects he covered -- oprah, who he's mad at because she hosted an event for kamala harris. "a long time ago, oprah winfrey asked me to do her last network television show. the final week of her show was a big deal, and it was my honor, with my family, to do it." that is untrue. he was not on her final show or her final week. he was on three and a half

of course, who killed him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> it all comes back around, jimmy. >> jimmy:> yeah, "transformers one" goes back to their lives on cyber tron when she started as young transformers, and they don't have cogs yet. i hope i'm not giving anything away. this is when they start their friendship. megatron hasn't become megatron yet. >> jimmy: megatron is good? he's good? >> a regular guy trying to make a living. >> jimmy: a regular guy named megatron? >> his name is d-16. >> jimmy: that's normal. >> it's normal. [ laughter ] absolutely. one of us, you know? >> jimmy: his name is a bingo square. >> or a rapper. yeah. i -- yeah. >> jimmy: oh, and then megatron has, like, a lex luth author type moment. >> yeah, because something always happens. villains don't start that way. something happens to them, they become disillusioned, the world they thought they knew isn't what they wanted. turns into megatron. >> jimmy: quite a cast you've got. >> oh, my god, one of the best. working with chris. >> jimmy: chris hemsworth. >> keegan. >> jimmy: keegan-michael key. >> lawrence f

, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.nto all of it. >> if the waters warm, let's get in. >> jimmy: congrats on everything, yeah. >> thanks. >> jimmy: what a year you've had. you got nominated for an oscar for "the banshee's." [ cheers and applause ] you got your own star on the hollywood walk of fame. >> oh yeah. >> jimmy: that's a big deal. >> that is a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: c'mon, are you excited? >> i -- yes, my son is very excited about it. henry, he got super excited about it. i would be a little more shy, but yes. i mean, i run hollywood boulevard a few times a week. >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah, at night. i go on night runs down hollywood boulevard. >> jimmy: do you know where your star is going to be? >> i don't but i hope it's not outside like a -- >> jimmy: yeah, i know. there's some shady places. >> yeah there's some dodgy places around hollywood boulevard. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i mean, even a vape store would be fine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you'll take it. >> even though i gave thos

and now, jimmy kimmel. ♪ [ cheering ] >> jimmy: hello. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy.he host of the show. thank you for watching. it sure is hot out. i appreciate you braving the intense l.a. heat to join us here in hollywood. and while i have your attention, let's just take a minute to give thanks to whoever it was who invented air conditioning. i mean, man, oh, man, we should be thanking god for that person every day. the light bulb we can live without. we all know thomas edison. we don't know who did this. it was 119 degrees in the valley over the weekend. it's september. it is so hot. when i went outside to pee on matt damon's star this morning, it turned to steam. it evaporated. there have been power outages. you know, madame tussaud's wax museum is right across the street from us. and i am a little worried about my wax figure. they have a wax figure of me over there. you know, these wax figures are made of wax. to i sent guillermo to run across the street to check it out. is he there yet? hey, guillermo. how is it? is my figure ok? >> guillermo: yeah. it looks pr

>> jimmy: no. [ light laughter ] [ slurred whazzup ] >> jimmy: okay. >> whazzup!se ] >> all right, that's pretty good. that was pretty good. it wasn't great, but it was all right. >> jimmy: all right. >> anyway, look, get your honey deuces. the u.s. open is only gonna be going on for, like, another three months. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true. carl -- carl page, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] why do we have -- why even go to that guy? ♪ ♪ honey deuce honey deuce honey deuce deuce deuce honey deuce honey deuce honey deuce deuce deuce ♪ ♪ honey deuce honey deuce deuce deuce ♪ >> jimmy: okay, thank you, carl. well, everyone -- [ cheers and applause ] let's get him out of here. yeah, i know. i agree with you. hey, guys, i heard that a delta air lines passenger was removed from a flight in florida for wearing a t-shirt that showed trump flipping the middle finger and the words "hawk tuah." [ laughter ] yep, delta kicked him off. and then spirit said, "welcome aboard, captain." [ laughter and applause ] "how you doing? ready to fly? let's go." and final

. >> jimmy: yeah.lause ] >> jimmy: i would have -- >> guaranteed. >> jimmy: that would have been fun, bud. would have loved to have you. >> and patrick ewing would have been coming off the bench. i would have loved that. [ laughter ] i would have loved that. >> jimmy: oh, come on. [ laughter ] i was thinking it would be funny if i could show you some photos and you tell me what the stories behind these photos -- >> sure. >> jimmy: if they -- if they refresh any memories. here's you playing against michael jordan. you're defending michael jordan, right there, i think for the first time. what's going through your mind here? >> so, in -- in high school, i had, of course, like everybody else, i had his posters on my wall. so, he was like a god to me. so -- and i was terrified being out there with michael jordan the first time. but on that play right there, i blocked his shot, and i fouled him, which made me say to myself, "okay, he's human. i can compete. i'm not there yet, but one day i'm gonna be at the

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host.me to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in our studio in hollywood. how many of you -- thank you. how many of you in our studio audience are visiting from other places tonight? [ cheers ] another question. how many of you got to experience your first earthquake this morning? [ cheers and applause ] congratulations, we had an earthquake. a 4.7, near malibu. guillermo, you were shaken up. >> guillermo: yeah, yes, jimmy, a lot, yes. >> jimmy: it was -- yeah you texted me right away. >> guillermo: yes, yes. >> jimmy: was i the first person you texted? >> guillermo: uh -- no. [ laughter ] it was aaron. >> jimmy: why did you text aaron before me? >> oh, because she lives closer where that happened, the earthquake. >> jimmy: okay. what was it like at your house? >> guillermo: it was shaking, at what it was scary, the dog started barking, my son got scared. >> jimmy: was the water in the pool going crazy? or did you even look out the backyard? >> guillermo: no, i

> jimmy: how fun is it?at's best for me? hm? you think you know what i need? how are you any different than those pricks in there? >> that -- that ain't what i'm saying, sofia. >> oof, very, very convenient that all of a sudden you're on my side. will you look at that? right? my little helper? >> all right. >> [ bleep ] desperate. you are scrambling for whatever dignity you have left, and you're hoping i will save you. not going to happen. i don't owe you a [ bleep ] thing. >> you're right, you don't. i owe you. i came to bayview hunter's point, where there was only one pediatrician to serve more than 10,000 children. daniel lurie said, i'm going to help. we opened a clinic for our most vulnerable children. i have worked shoulder to shoulder with him as we have brought solutions where people thought the problem was unsolvable. daniel doesn't take excuses. he holds himself accountable. and i know that he can do it for the city of san francisco. -bye honey. -(groans) morning breath, huh. dr. garcia? wooo. ♪♪ t

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, guys.ey, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us here at our home in hollywood, california. [ cheers and applause ] liberal hollywood, california. liberal. i had a liberal elite day today. i woke up. i ate a big cat for breakfast. [ laughter and cheers ] then i had an a bone, then i had an abortion right after that. [ laughter ] and then i went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. and now, i'm back here spreading marxist propaganda on tv. that's how we do it! [ cheers and applause ] i've got to say, i can feel we are still buzzing after the lincoln-dumbass debate last night. [ laughter ] it couldn't have gone much better than it did for kamala harris. she baited him masterfully. i don't think i've ever seen master baiting like that on television. [ laughter ] trump was either blowing his stack, or staring straight ahead. squinting, with a sad, madface. the same look

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very kind.immy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. welcome to beautiful hollywood, the most -- isn't hollywood the most glamorous place on this planet earth? [ cheers ] and for those who are watching at home, thank you for joining us for our "after the after the initial rose on a new, old season of the golden bachelorette." [ laughter ] or as it is also know “love is blind, partly deaf and frequently incontinent.” [ laughter ] what a program. things are about to get steamier than an icy hot medicated patch! [ laughter ] look at this group. every one of these men looks like the guy playing fetch in a dog food commercial. [ laughter ] the golden bachelorette is joan vassos. who met a lot of interesting suitors tonight. but the one who caught my eye, not that i'm looking for a man, but if i was -- [ laughter ] it would probably be this caterer from chicago named jack. ♪ i've traveled each and every highway and more ♪ ♪ which more than this i did it my way ♪ >> i actually think i did ok

staff, truthfully, jimmy. >> jimmy: i do?how is remarkable. you have shattered the glass ceiling for white middle aged guys in show business. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i'm so -- i'm touched. i'm so glad you're here. look at how great you of all look. you really all look great. [ light laughter ] >> thank you. you know, there's this constant radiant glow that i get from steve and marty. >> oh. >> and one day i realized it was just their iphone lights still on in their pocket. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's hard to turn -- you get to a certain -- >> yeah. we learn things constantly. but we know marty always looks great. and it's not easy to pull off a a full body compression suit. [ laughter ] >> no, no, listen, i accept -- i am 70. i've been ravaged by time. i accept that. >> jimmy: no. >> in fact, i've got a gofundme just for my neck. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: selena, you look fabulous. you never age. >> oh, well, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] it kind of helps -- it helps sitting next to the

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy.he host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us in sunny hollywood, california. welcome, thank you very much. this is an exciting day. are you familiar with jane goodall? the great zoologist, anthropologist -- devoted a big chunk of her life to studying chimpanzees. wild chimpanzees. she spent years in the jungle, observing them, learning about them. and in many ways, i feel like i've been doing similar work over the past eight years observing donald trump. no offense to the chimpanzees. after a while -- i don't know how long exactly, dr. goodall, who spent most of her time watching from a distance, began to interact with her fellow primates. and last night, that happened to me, too. when donald trump gave a crowd in indiana, pennsylvania yet another review of my performance at the academy awards. >> remember the academy awards, i said how he's the worst host in the history of the academy awards? and the stupid guy goes up, and just before the best picture of the

jimmy: then you moved to austria. >> yep. >> jimmy: then you moved to new york. >> correct. >> jimmyld. and that must have been a culture shock, huh? >> it was strange, yeah. i mean -- you know, we -- i saba nanas for the first time. because we didn't have bananas in romania. >> jimmy: i thought you meant a woody allen movie. you'd never seen bananas before? >> and palm tree. >> jimmy: you jumped right into being a teenager in america? >> i did. i wanted to be an astronaut, actually. i was obsessed with nasa. no intention of acting or anything. i kind of got into it when i was a teenager. you know, i did "cyrano debergerac," "grease," "little shop of horrors." that kind of led me down to -- you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's a reason i wanted to ask about where you were born, and part of it is because you are playing a young donald trump. now, i think a lot of people -- because i've been telling people i saw the movie and it's really, really good. i very much enjoyed it. but they think it's about the tv show "the apprentice" because it's called "the apprentice." >> right, right. wel

i do help you, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you?> jimmy: in secret ways i'm unaware of? >> guillermo: i help you with the monologue. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. he's very helpful. how did he help you? >> i talked to you on the phone, and i was like, "give me some tips." and you said, "your biggest secret weapon is guillermo." >> jimmy: that's right. >> "if things get in a lull, go to guillermo, he's going to give you gold." and so i did. and he did. >> jimmy: why didn't you give me that tonight? >> guillermo: i save it for monday better. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we have monday night football, yeah. >> my summer was great. i actually got to go to paris and see the olympics. >> jimmy: oh, that is great. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, that's terrific. wow. >> yeah. i really, really -- i love the olympics. i get into it every year. it feels like the whole world comes together, you know. feels celebratory that we got there. the first thing they said, "by the way, the river seine" where they have some of the events, "we can't do events there b

>> jimmy: yeah. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: hold on. all right.. second one here. all right. there's an ice cube down your back. >> okay. >> jimmy: an ice cube down your back. [ laughter ] ♪ all right, ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: one, two, three. [ laughing ] [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> i was done. i saw your face for one second and was done. >> jimmy: i forgot i'm covered in all this frosting, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: all right, good. all right, good. it's a tie game. here we go. the next one is -- someone took a picture while you're sneezing. >> okay. >> jimmy: someone took a a picture while you're sneezing. ♪ [ laughter ] one, two, three. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i could hear you. i could feel you laughing, but you didn't break. i broke. [ giggling ] oh, that was a great one. all right, here we go. it's the last one here. this is for the win. ooh. skeptical beaver. [ light laughter ] skeptical beaver. [ drum roll ] [ laughter ] one, two, three. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> you win. you win. that is so good. >> jimmy

>> oh, jimmy -- jimmy kimmel. [ ohs and laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel."the flames” by the weeknd ♪ ♪ the world can't heal they say on the radio ♪ [thunder] ♪ we're dodgin' headlights ♪ [thunder] ♪ and you say hold tight ♪ ♪ another odyssey, ohhhh ♪ ♪ i can't wait to see your face ♪ ♪ we're dancing in the flames ♪ ♪ it's indescribable ♪ game time, wing time! that was fast! i even refilled your coke. some wings you just can't wait to tailgate with. uh, excuse me. you left your head. we don't make sense, we make chicken. ♪love that chicken from popeyes.♪ when my doctor gave me breztri for my copd things changed for me. breztri gave me better breathing, symptom improvement, and reduced flare-ups. breztri won't replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. it is not for asthma. tell your doctor if you have a heart condition or high blood pressure before taking it. don't take breztri more than prescribed. breztri may increase your risk of thrush, pneumonia, and osteoporosis. call your doctor if worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling,

jimmy, hi! we love you! jimmy, oh -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is why i'm not beloved. back. that knows the whole world. it's one that knows your world. a custom assistant, built on watsonx with ibm's granite models, can leverage your trusted data, be easily trained on your workflows and integrate with your apps. it can be tuned to do just what you need. because the more ai knows about your world the more it can help you do. ibm. let's create. why use 10 buckets of water when you can use 1 fire extinguisher. and to fight heartburn, why take 10 antacids throughout the day when you can take 1 prilosec. for easier heartburn relief, one beats ten. prilosec otc. one pill. 24 hours. zero heartburn. dad. with this fox tee, i could be class president. and with target circle, we save automatically! i'll run on a platform for longer recess and having a cool fox tee. vote claire. back injury. lucky for you, amazon one medical can help. they're great for “sneeze-related” back injuries, too. ♪ i came to bayview hunter's point, where there was only one pediatrician back injuries, too

sports on abc jimmy kimmel, jane fonda and george conway have a great night jimmy kimmel. >>> jimmy kimmel, no talent. >> now i wouldn't do his show, terrible. jimmy kimmel's show is practically dead, nobody will watch him. his ratings are terrible. he's not a talented guy. i thought he was a lousy host. >> "jimmy kimmel live," tonight on abc. >> the boston network is abc. i think abc is a disgrace. abc is one of the worst. jimmy, i love you so much. >> lou: from hollywood, it's “jimmy kimmel live!” tonight -- jane fonda, george conway, and music from good neighbours. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. welcome. that's very nice. hi, there. thank you. my fellow americans, i'm jimmy kimmel, i'm the host short. thank you for joining us after the debate. all eyes from sea to shining sea were on the city of brotherly love tonight for the debate of the decade. vice president kamala harris versus former president donald trump. it was like watching the lorax debate the grinch tonight. [ laughter ] usually when donald trump

jimmy mccain saying, quote, it

the were jimmy burr. jimmy byrnes. thank you. i said, jimmy ross. jimmy byrnes i have a scholar here in the audience. jimmy byrnes probably the most qualified, and he was sometimes called the assistant president. but then fdr reneged, changed his mind, gave in to the he gave in to the choice of the big city, democratic bosses. and so from his train, from roosevelt to train 2000 miles to the west and san diego on the opening day of the convention and roosevelt chose truman. and truman had told everyone, including his wife, which is important, including his wife, that he would never accept. but he did. and so a few weeks after the close of that democratic convention and in 1944, a hot, humid day in august, 1944, fdr invited the presidential or is the nominee, harry truman, the nominee to a lunch and a photo op at the white house. truman wrote about it to his wife, bess, and he said, we dined in the backyard of the white house. he called the backyard the south lawn under a tree planted by old andy jackson. he loved jack's. and there's a famous photogra

six months after the murder, jimmy gate's phone rang.ighbor who'd been interviewed once and had offered nothing of value. but now apparently she was having an attack of conscience. the neighbor now told the detective that she'd seen erwin on june 30th, the day erwin had confronted and slapped deede. she said the conversation lasted 15 or 20 minutes, where he articulates he was man enough to strangle her with work gloves. that's what deede's neighbor says erwin said to her? correct. why do you think she didn't tell you for six months? i have no idea why a neighbor, during a murder investigation, just wouldn't simply tell the cops the truth, that he wanted to kill her. josh mankiewicz: armed with that new and threatening statement, detective gates was able to get his warrant. and soon, erwin howard was under arrest for the murder of deede keller. now the case was in the hands of la county deputy district attorney john lewin. what made this case different? i love cases where you have a very good idea who the suspect is. but it's a question

announ fpresent jimmy carter will celebrate his 100th birthdaytuesy.o mark the occasion american history tv will feature programming related to the 39th president's life and le jimmy c'speech at the democratic national convention a llege lecture on jimmy. carter's presidency. and jimmy carter'well address to the nation as he prepared to leavwhit house in january 1981. that is all day tuesday on c-span 2. announcer: c-span is your unfiltered view of government. we are funded by these television companies and more, including cox. >> when connection is needed most, cox is there to help, bringing affordable internet to families in need, new tech to boys and girls clubs. wherever and whenever it matters most we will be there. announcer: cox supports c-span as a public service along with these other television providers, giving you a front row seat to democracy. announcer: senator bernie sanders is calling on the form company novo nordisk to cut prices for drugs in th

liz: jimmy, hmm, i'm holding a nick chubb jersey.bly won't play in the first couple of games. so many injuries. and last year we just watched quarterback after quarterback fall to injuries. we weren't the only team, many teams lost their quarterbacks and their backup quarterbacks. tell me what your backup quarterback, jameis winston, is going to do. does it make you feel a little more comfortable, having him back up deshaun? >> well, he was the number one pick coming out of florida state, he started a lot of years in the league. he's a quality person, he's a great leader. he and deshaun have an outstanding relationship, and he'll be a great backup quarterback. obviously, we are very, very convinced that deshaun is the right guy to play quarterback and we're excited to see, hopefully he'll stay healthy, but what he can do for the browns this year. liz: a financial question for both of you really. the nfl, jimmy, has said it will now allow private equity firms to take the i believe it's at least a 10% chunk of nf if l teams. are you co

“jimmy kimmel live.”- billie eilish -- former congressman adam kinzinger --

and for former president jimmy carter the good news tonight.can celebrate. ne [ cellphone chimes ] -[ clears throat ] -sorry, honey. it's a work thing. -mine's also a work thing. i just need someone to cover my shift. [ cellphone buzzes ] -yup, so is mine. alan says your business vehicle is now covered with progressive. protected 24/7 -- just like your home and auto. oh, that's great! so dinner time is just phone time now? sorry... you know i heard that ground turkey is the healthiest poultry. you know what, never mind. just be on your phones. ♪♪ stay ahead of your moderate-to-severe eczema. and show off clearer skin and less itch with dupixent, the #1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists and allergists, that helps heal your skin from within. serious allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. tell your doctor about new or worsening eye problems such as eye pain or vision changes including blurred vision, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection. don't change or stop asthma medicines without talking to your doctor. ask your eczema s

right now on jimmy kimmel it is martin lawrence. >> have a great >> lou: from hollywood, it's “jimmyartin lawrence -- joey king -- and music from soul coughing. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

hey, welcome to "jimmy kimmel live!.”ing ] i'm your guest host, my name is jeff goldblum. [ cheering and applause ] a lot of you at this point may be thinking, "hey, what's jeff goldblum doing here. am i having that recurring sex dream again?” and the answer is, "pinch me and find out.” not many people know this, but jimmy kimmel and i, this is true, are actually neighbors here in l.a. yeah, that's true. i'm not going to tell you where exactly. i don't want you showing up. but one time, listen to this, i knocked on his door and said hey, jimmy, he came to the door. i said hey, can i borrow some flour for this and that. he said "sure thing, jeff.” he disappeared, came back with the flour. and i said, "thanks neighbor. if you ever need anything, let me know.” and now here we are. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think i got the better end of that deal. he is a very generous, generous guy. by the way, i'm not just happy to be here, i'm lucky to be here. because, i don't know if you felt it this afternoon, there was a 4.4 earthqua