. >> the jimmy k. d diet. my patented decalryizing physioreduction technology gives you results in four to six weeks. >> it's so simple. what's your favorite food. >> that's easy, macaroni and cheese. >> jimmy: voila. >> oh, boy. >> decalorize. my new technology i can cut your total calories by 4/5 by eating 4/5 of your food. >> wow. >> would it work with my favorite blt sandwich? that is amazing. i only get one-fifth of the calories even though i'm eating this delicious sandwich. >> jimmy: exactly. >> what about this pepperoni pizza slice topped with hot fudge and ondown bugles. >> jimmy: are you ready for a jim-miracle? >> complete jim-miraclization. >> wow, it's that simple. >> and easy! >> coach, k., let me ask you how does it feel to have created the miracle diet breakthrough? >> jimmy: if feels terrific, e.rin. >> your secret? >> jimmy: my jimmy k. diet communigorgiing system has been patented and verified by doctors. >> hi, i'm a real doctor. as you can see in this diagram created by actual scien

heidi, my amazing jimmy k. available even in sad and lonely places like this. >> how does it work. >> jimmy: for a low monthly fee i'll deliver a carefully planned menu created by a team of professional chefs and each one individually pre-eaten by me. choose from tempting entreees like chili-crusted pork chops with creamy polenta or this delicious cheese burger, all with only one-fifth the calories you'd normally be eating. >> it's a jim-miracle. >> jimmy: don't take my word for it. listen to what these not fat celebrities have to say. >> the jimmy k. jim-miracle diet cut my calories by four-fifths while letting me eat anything i want. look at this huge pair of pants. wow! >> i can eat whatever i want and still make other women want to kill themselves. >> since jimmy's been eating four-fifths of my food i've gone from this to this. >> hi, i'm world famous. and thanks to jimmy k., i'm not a big fat [ bleep ] whale. >> jimmy: wait. >> jimmy k. >> jimmy, i'm sold. how can i sign up for the jimmy k. club? >> jimmy:

and when i started training with jimmy k, i had a mission.t into shape, to be bikini ready and hopefully become the kind of woman that jimmy k would select for a love-making session. >> thanks, jessica. you're on your way. >> really? because i called you twice and you haven't called me back and then last night i sent you that sex message. >> hi, i'm jessica alba. before i started working out with jimmy k, i was sluggish and out of shape and i cried a lot. >> i cried a lot too. and what did we do? we turned tears into gears. together, we exer-cried. i train the ladies who fill the big screens in skinny jeans. let my dvd transform your body from flabby aboby to rippa-ed kelly. >> yeah! >> oh, yeah. >> are you ready to do this? let's get hottie body. >> enough, it's time to shake. ready? lunge to the left. lunge to the right. lunge it. plunge it. keep it going tight. now hump. hump. hump. good hump. that's good humping, girls. hump it up. hump it down. take a train to humpy town. that's good. >> i couldn't stop humping. i hump everywhere. at wor

>> jimmy: no, k-rock. not ky. unless you know something i don't. friend, kendra. >> yeah, big -- yeah. >> jimmy: how are you on a live television show? >> i just actually have done it. it's all hanging out. i had to write things on my mirror. not -- no -- not -- you know what i mean. there is a list of words. and in england, i do the show in england. and one of the judges came out with a ridiculous critique and i would not help myself. and i became possessed and i said, the hills are alive with the sound of [ bleep ]! and then -- you know, sometimes there is no other word that can express the situation as clearly. what am i going to say? >> jimmy: you're right. >> it's all with the context. >> jimmy: in england, you can curse on the air, can't you? >> no, it just came out. >> jimmy: this is wendy williams, had a hard time so far. >> she is a bit -- i didn't see any personality come out. she has away to go. >> jimmy: this is guy i picked. and bet money on. hines ward. >> he is great. >> jimmy: give him higher scores? >> he is doing well. >> jimmy: th

. >> the jimmy k. a steal. >> allegedly. >> reporter: if lohan negotiates a deal with jail time, she eventually hopes movie studios will again buy insurance, guaranteeing she will show up, ready for work. >> i think that's something i will be able to say, when i've taken the steps that i need to take, to prove that i can be insurable again. i think that will come in time. where i'll be in a position to even say that. i don't think i am right now. >> reporter: right now, she says, this is so embarrassing. >> i don't want that to be what i'm known for anymore. you know? the tabloid stuff. that's not important to me. i don't like the attention. i don't want that. i want my attention to come through my films for the work that i'm doing. >> reporter: it is a painful process. but addiction specialists say, the first step to recovery is honestly admitting you have a problem. for "good morning america," mike von fremd, abc news, los angeles. >> boy. what an interesting contrast to that charlie sheen interview.

. >> jimmy: spell that for us. k-o-c-k-s. >> jimmy: where does she stand in this? and kocks boat there. >> act chulgly she's having just as much fun as we are. >> jimmy: are you close to her family? >> very close. >> jimmy: would you say you love her family. >> i do. >> jimmy: so you love the kocks. you are a man who is not afraid to say that. [ applause ] and yet -- the great harry baals gets the shaft. with all that's going on in the world, don't you think it would make people smile to have a harry baals building in a town? i would be so delighted when i went by that thing. >> i'm surprise that you're not wearing the t-shirt we sent you. >> jimmy: well, i'm wearing the underpants you sent. is there any chance you would change your mind or perhaps you'd be willing to, like, name something else after harry baals in the town? >> actually we're investigating that right now. >> jimmy: you're investigating it but you will not promise that you will e rate a harect a har n monument in the town? do you have a minor league baseball team in the town? >> we do. >> jimmy: you

jimmy: pick one? >> yeah, we have a couple spellings. i've gone with the "g." i've gone with the "kh." gone with just the "k." >> jimmy: "haddafi?"eah, never -- won't try that one. >> but, yeah, the goal can't be to take him out. he's not a target. the pentagon briefer said last sunday, "look, if he happens to be in a building that we hit -- you know?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "if it was me -- i don't know. i don't remember anything." because that is just insane, i think, with all of that going on. and it feels like to me, that president obama is playing soccer in rio with kids and hillary clinton seems to be weirdly stepping up, almost like she's being very presidential, i feel like. isn't it weird? >> it might be a bit unfair. he -- you've got to remember, jimmy, the machinery of the presidency, a lot like when you travel, the machinery of the presidency comes with the president. when you travel, you get the "late night" computer and your paging devices, so that decisions back in new york about guests, musical order can be made by you. the president has scrambled phones. he's got video conferencing. he's got the three big irishme

jimmy: kulwant? >> it's kulwant, k-u-l-w-a-n-t. that's all right. people call me kul for short. >> jimmy: kul?mmy: kul? >> yeah, that'll work. >> jimmy: all right. cool, man. [ laughter ] all right, kul. what is the name of your crew? >> stingz like a bee. >> jimmy: ah, stings like a bee. i get why, i get why. yeah, yeah, yeah. oh, already? you guys are doing stuff. all right, here's your group shot here. check this out. there you go. [ laughter ] oh, i love it with a "z." stingz like a bee. very nice. okay, guys, it all comes down to this. it's time for the dance battle. behold the dance floor. [ laughter ] that's where the magic happens. the roots are going to play a song, and each crew will perform the choreographed dance routine they made up less than an hour ago. [ laughter ] this is it, you guys. and remember what we always say here at "late night." in the words of brett dolan from the classic street -- give me your hand. [ laughter ] brett dolan from the classic street-dancing film "step up." "when someone hands you your dreams, you take it. you don't ask questions." [ laughter ] [ chee

. >> mark, m-a-r-k, at hd.net. >> jimmy: that's your personal e-mail address?e-mail and no one else sees it but me. >> jimmy: you get like what, correspondence, complaints. >> everything. complaints from customers. business ideas. pictures of people's moms. i mean, some of the dumbest, craziest things ever. >> jimmy: and you will respond -- you can't respond to all of them. >> no, no. but if it's interesting and a good reason to respond. if your a mavs season ticket holder, i'll respond. >> jimmy: what kind of complaints do you get from people? >> typically about me, you know, i didn't do this. make this trade. or, the worst one is, if i'm cursing at a game, if you've seen me at a game, you know i get kind of animated. i don't always look to see if there's little kids around. so, i've gotten complaints from parents, like, i brought my 7-year-old and like i had to explain to them, would you please not say those things so now -- >> jimmy: do you watch yourself? >> now i have to watch myself. >> jimmy: you do, yeah. >> yeah, because it was costing me business. i'v

k protein shakes today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thanks for watching our program.nd best-selling author. wow. this weekend, she's also hosting "saturday night live" with musical guest the strokes! give it up for miley cyrus! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. welcome to the show. >> thank you, thank you. thank you for having me. >> jimmy: thanks for coming on. i'm a huge fan. "saturday night live" is gonna be awesome this weekend. >> i'm super stoked. we've been rehearsing all day and it's been fun. >> jimmy: that's good, because i love seeing you do funny stuff. i miss the "hannah montana" days. >> i miss doing that stuff too, you know, i -- >> jimmy: i loved "hannah montana." >> -- i loved doing this and writing the skits and everything. i mean -- i kind of want to beg to let them -- let me stay for a little while. >> jimmy: just join the cast? >> yeah. honestly, you can say whatever is on your mind, and it will work in whatever scene you're doing, because it's all ridiculous. and so, you can just say anything you want. and they're like, "yeah,

jimmy: yeah, thank you. it looks like those things you lay in the water and they just grow. >> yeah, exactly. like you get them out of the 50 cent machine like from khese guys -- they got those gills. do you see that? the way they're breathing? >> jimmy: they're like sea monkeys. >> they're just unbelieveble. >> jimmy: i've never seen anything like that. >> no, they're super, super rare. >> jimmy: what are they called again? >> axolotls. >> jimmy: i've never heard of them. >> yeah, they're just wicked little things, and they feel like boogers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where do you find them? >> mexico, outside of mexico -- >> jimmy: that's right, you couldn't say it. >> yeah, now -- [ laughter ] >> they -- i'm moving on to the next animal. >> jimmy: okay, sure. go ahead. do you want me to leave them over there? i'll move them over. >> yeah, sure. someone will come and get them. >> jimmy: okay. >> probably. >> i've got a bird. you want to see a bird? >> jimmy: i would love to see a bird. >> all right, cool. >> jimmy: how are you, buddy? >> how you doing? >> jimmy: good. >> good. >> i don't know where the guy is with the bird. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ye

hope you're happy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "live with regis and kelly" monday through friday in syndication. we'll be right back with adele. ♪ special krotein shakes -- ♪ a truly great-tasting breakfast shake. with 10 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber, it's the creamy, delicious way to satisfy... your hunger to help you lose weight. ♪ so you can kick the tin can habit. try special k protein shakes today. [ male announcer ] it's 2011. wonder where the durango's been for the last two years? well, it toured around europe getting handling and steering lessons on those sporty european roads. it went back to school got an advanced degree in technology. it's been working out -- more muscle and less fat. it's only been two years, but it's done more in two years than most cars do in a lifetime. forgot to run the dishwasher. [ male announcer ] twenty-four hour stuck-on food can be a project. but cascade complete pacs have 70% more tough food cleaning ingredients to get the job done. cascade complete. beyond your wildest clean. [ announcer ] he scores! i got something new for you. is it all new picks? 2 for $20. with the all new flavors of b

k breakfast, actually weigh less. now in new multigrain oats and honey. with honey kissed whole grains... you'll never want to skip breakfast again. make your breakfast beautiful. >> jimmy." here with the song "til the world ends," britney spears. ♪ this kitten's got your tongue tied in knots i see ♪ ♪ spit it out 'cause i'm dying for company ♪ ♪ i notice that you got it you notice that i want it ♪ ♪ you know that i can take it to the next level, baby ♪ ♪ if you want this good sicker than the remix ♪ ♪ baby, let me blow your mind tonight ♪ ♪ i can't take it take it ♪ ♪ take no more never felt like ♪ ♪ felt like this before come on get me ♪ ♪ get me on the floor deejay, what you ♪ ♪ what you waitin' for ♪ woah, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, woah oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ woah, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, woah oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ woah, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, woah oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ woah, oh oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ oh, woah oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ watch me move when i lose ♪ ♪ when i lose it hard get you off ♪ ♪ with the touch dancing in the dark ♪ ♪ you notice what i'm wearin' i'm noticin' you starin' ♪ ♪ you know that i can take it to the next level, baby ♪ ♪ harder than the a-list next one on my hit list ♪ ♪ baby, let me

>> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with jena malone, music from young dubliners and matthew mcconaughey. wi and then a 3:15, with my guilt. [ female announcer ] new special k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. mmmmmmm...good meeting. same time tomorrow? [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. i see a bag and think... i could have a chip. yeah right. that's why they're called chips? [ female announcer ] new special k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. another cracker chip? don't mind if i do! [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. hey, baby, what's going on? [ woman ] happy anniversary! are we still on for tonight? yeah, of course. of course. [ laughs ] you remembered to make a reservation, right? yeah, i remembered that. the number-one thing a man should remember. i'm gonna be there soon. i'm gonna come pick you up. and i'll, uh -- i'll -- i'll -- i'll call you -- i'll call you when i'm on the way. i'm -- i'm on the way. okay. okay. [ male announcer ] in the network, your iphone can talk and surf at the same time. [ boy's voice ] no. well, you're never, ever, ever allowed to use my trash

k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. another cracker chip? don't mind if i do! [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmya minnelli. "confessions" is out right now. this is fantastic. do you have -- there's so many good songs on here. do you have a favorite song? >> well, i have a song that i was thinking about when i was thinking about you. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's a little racy but it's accurate, if you know what i mean? >> jimmy: thank you. this is really -- >> you're welcome. it's just a thought that i kind of struggle saying out loud. ♪ i get the feeling that beneath the little halo on your noble head there lies a thought or ♪ ♪ two the devil might be interested to know you're like the finish of a novel that i'll finally ♪ ♪ have to take to bed you fascinate me so i feel like christopher columbus when i'm near ♪ ♪ enough to contemplate the sweet geography descending from your eyebrow to your toe ♪ ♪ the possibilities are more than i can possibly enumerate that's why you ♪ ♪ fascinate me so so sermonize and preach to me make your sanctimonious little speech to me ♪ ♪ but oh my darling you'll f

k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. another cracker chip? don't mind if i do! [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmye universe. his funny new movie "just go with it" is in theaters everywhere today. please welcome back to the show one of my all-time favorites, mr. adam sandler, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the lunch lady. >> that sounded good. >> jimmy: they know the lunch lady. they've got to do it. how are you? >> love you, dude. nice to see you all. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for being here. all right. jimmy, i was talking to lorne during the perm stuff -- >> jimmy: yeah, oh. >> -- so i didn't see it all. who had the -- i saw a quick shot of the perm. is he out there still? >> jimmy: there's the guy. >> that is unbelievable. that's so fun. >> jimmy: his name is mark. >> good job, baby. >> jimmy: what do you think? >> i think -- i think -- did you say a seth rogen thing? >> jimmy: no, i didn't say seth rogen. >> he looks a little like seth rogen. >> jimmy: like seth rogan and like gene shalit had a baby. [ laughter ] >> that's good. >> jimmy: so, are you enjoying your time in

k cracker chips. 27 crispy chips. 110 delicious calories. another cracker chip? don't mind if i do! [ female announcer ] find them in the cracker aisle. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmystar. look at her on these -- covers of these magazines. just beautiful, right? gosh. she's stunning. starting friday, you can see her opposite adam sandler in the new comedy "just go with it." take a look at this clip. >> i am so sorry. >> please, honey. it is fine. i'm just happy to hear that his sing-a-ding and still ring-a-ding. he's got a serious small issue with e.d. >> what's e.d.? >> uh, oh gosh. i forgot. you're 15. erectile dysfunction, my darling. and it's -- the thing about it is, if you're trying to throw darts and you just -- all you really got and you're shooting with like overcooked spaghetti. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jennifer aniston. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. you look gorgeous as always. >> you are so darn cute! i can't take it. >> jimmy: oh, stop it. >> that was great. [ audience member yells ] love you too. >> jimmy: hey, jennifer aniston. >> yes, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: this show is airin