jump ♪ ♪ jump, jimmy kimmel jump, jimmy kimmel, jump ♪ ♪ jump, jimmy kimmel jump, jimmy kimmel, jumpt ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪ ♪ i fink you freaky and i like you a lot ♪

first time meeting jimmy kimmel. he is adorable. thank you. see? u i'm adorable. >> you are. >> jimmy: why do you always say i'm not adorable? >> no. i say you are. >> jimmy: okay. she tweeted a picture of us, too. look at that. isn't that something? can i tell you something? her elbow turned my ear into gold. [ laughter ] i don't know what happened. but i love her. i do. my hope is that she'll adopt me as one of her dogs. i can live there. join me and oprah on sunday night. and set your dvr right now to "jimmy kimmel live: after the academy awards." at 7:00 p.m., 4:00 pacific on abc. last year, we hired a possum. we hired heidi, the cross-eyed possum to make oscar predictions for us. she did well. she went two for three. she picked best actor and actress correctly. unfortunately, in september, heidi the possum died, which means she won't be making picks this year. she'll be making her picks from possum heaven this year. possum heaven is just a tree. without the benefit of the cross-eyed possum, this year, we've set our sights on another very talent

and now, stay with me, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers andpplause ] >> jimmy: yeah. thank you. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming. thank you for encouraging me to do this and to stand up here in front of you, smiling and laughing, with makeup on and wearing a suit and tie that don't even belong to me. [ laughter ] is everyone feeling okay? everyone all right? [ cheers and applause ] anyone here have the flu? see? that's why it spreads. nobody's honest about it. [ laughter ] flu season has officially begun. so, don't forget to spray a bunch of zinc up your nose for no reason. how many people here have had a flu shot? huh? how many have had a jell-o shot? [ cheers and applause ] combine those. apparently the flu is late this year. for a while it seemed like the flu season would be canceled this year. but the hosts and viruses worked out a revenue-sharing deal. and it's here. unfortunately for us in california, this is a map from weather.com, that shows flu outbrea

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. have a great night, america. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> i met oprah yesterday. she tweeted a picture of us, too. her elbow turned my ear into gold. >> eric stonestreet. >> i've had personalized license plates, that said fizzbo, the clown. >> that's like driving a mary kay car. >> "sports illustrated" swimsuit model, kate upton. >> should never wear a[@[@[@[@[@ >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel, with the new "sports illustrated" swimsuit issue. you can see it just about everywhere. on si.com, on the ipad, iphone, smartphones. more than 70 million people see this magazine every year. and so, we sent guillermo to the red carpet party in las vegas to get as close to the excitement as humanly possible. >> hi. it's me, guillermo. i'm here at club si swimsuit in las vegas. let's talk to some models. wow. you -- you smell beautiful. this is natural? you smell like this? >> all-natural. >> wow. i didn't want to tell her. but she smells like cheese. you have the most beaut

new "jimmy kimmel live," actor josh hutcherson. llion. [ laughter ] is there anything you need to tell us? >> who do i know at time warner cable? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have an enemy over there? >> apparently, one of my -- i don't know. you reach a certain age and you think, there's not a lot of firsts anymore. you don't do a lot of firsts. that's a first. >> jimmy: there's no leading nathans. no way they -- it's not like sydney, where it can be either one. >> i've been mistaken for gay. but never -- >> jimmy: congratulations on this. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and congratulations. you won best dramatic actor -- [ cheers and applause ] at the people's choice awards. the people selected you. >> the people selected -- i terrify them at work. at work all the time, i say -- not the tuna, the egg salad. it's not my choice. it's the people's choice. [ laughter ] but that was a -- it was very exciting. again, a learning experience. >> jimmy: do you know that you know you're going to win when you get there? it seems like on that show th

thank you, ally. >> you guys just made jimmy kimmel next thursday. you know she wants the beep when she licks it, you know? >> jimmy: maybe he's right. let's find out now. it's thursday night. time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> this campaign is about more than placing a president. it's about [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] of america. >> [ bleep ] the nation with bob sheffert. >> we heard early in the week that you were getting ready to [ bleep ] someone. are you going to [ bleep ] someone? >> which football player did kim kardashian [ bleep ]? >> which team? or which player? >> all we've been hearing about was blake griffin's monster [ bleep ] in the face of kendrick perkins. >> my job and your job is to [ bleep ] up phil. what are we going to do? we have to [ bleep ] up phil. >> "x-factor's" bloodbath. did simon [ bleep ] half the cast? >> i rode a very big [ bleep ]. >> it has a usb port on the back of the television. you c

and now, i kid you not, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmyank you very much. hi, everyone. thank you very much. thanks, cleto. hi. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. and i appreciate your enthusiasm. and it comes as the show -- it was a big day today. a historic day in our little corner of los angeles. the town of hollywood turned 125 years old today. and back in -- [ cheers and applause ] february 1st, 1887, the founder of hollywood, a real estate magnate, named harvey wilcox, there's a street named after him down the block. traveled west from kansas. he bought the whole area and registered the name hollywood. he envisioned the land of a utopian community for christians to live highly moral lives, free of vices like alcohol. so, that worked out well. [ laughter ] he would have loved andy dick. it's a shame he didn't live to meet him. hooray for hollywood. home of the devil himself. [ cheers and applause ] we are going to do something fun tonight. normally, we're all-business around here. but tonight, we're g

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> here we are with a recap of tonight's "jersey shore." please welcome gary oldman. >> dancing in the club, snooki accidentally peas on herself. >> tim and eric. >> when you show this to an audience, what kind of response do you get? >> 25% walkout rate. >> and music from korn. >> this time around, the super bowl isn't just for nenenenenene >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. along with guillermo, and his chihuahuas. and a word about the bud light hotel. it's in downtown indianapolis through the big game. are you taking pepe and paco to the game, guillermo? >> no. paco and i like soccer. pepe likes bowling. >> jimmy: well, the bud light hotel has some other fun stuff, too. >> like bud light? >> jimmy: si. like bud light. >> what else? >> jimmy: well, the bud light hotel is hosting a special concert, featuring 50 cent, li'l jon and pitbull the night before the big game. our viewers will be able to watch those perform

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> here we are with a recap of tonight's "jersey shore." please welcome gary oldman. >> dancing in the club, snooki accidentally peas on herself. >> tim and eric. >> when you show this to an audience, what kind of response do you get? >> 25% walkout rate. >> and music from korn. >> this time around, the super bowl isn't just for ( susan ) so what are you gonna get me for valentine's day ? ( seth ) wouldn't you like to know ? something sparkly ? maybe. something sweet ? mmm... let's just say it's a surprise. the helzberg diamonds gift box. diamond heart pendant and godiva chocolate gems. i love you. you do ? ( seth ) wouldn't you like to know ? something sparkly ? maybe. something sweet ? mmm... let's just say it's a surprise. the helzberg diamonds gift box. diamond heart pendant and godiva chocolate gems. i love you. you do ? >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. along with guillermo, and his chihuahuas. and a word abo

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> 15% of american women gave themselves flowers today. and 85% of american men gave themselves sex today. >> john goodman. >> kevin nealon. >> happy vol valentine's day, sexy. i love you, grandma. >> and music from robin thicke. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel, with wipeout 2, the sequel to the video game that lets you and your family play america's craziest gameshow inside your house. a couple days ago, our pal, guillermo, joined 16 fans in downtown l.a. to compete in the $50,000 wipeout 2 challenge tournament sponsored by act act vision, against joel, a former contestant on "wipeout." and this time, joel was up to the task. >> dicky: wipeout 2 is in stores >> hi. it's me, guillermo. we're going to play some video games. ♪ >> come on, guillermo. come on. >> wipeout's never been so much fun. i feel like i'm really running the course. >> i'm killing you, guillermo. >> you're going down. you're going down. did i win?

"jimmy kimmel live's" next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> it's time, now, to play "guess what animal is on guillermo's head." >> john krasinski. >> i have a terrible phobia of birds. >> is that right? all kinds of birds? >> eloise mumford. >> i had no idea it was weird to grow up in las vegas, until i >>> hi. i'm jimmy kimmel, pleased to be joined, as always, by guillermo and frank's redhot, america's number one hot sauce brand. the three of us go everywhere together. why? well, one, because i find guillermo delightful. and two, because frank's redhot is the perfect blend of flavor and heat. >> and it's the perfect blend of heat and flavor. >> jimmy: yes. frank's redhot is good on just about everything you could possibly eat. right, guillermo? >> we shall see. is it good on french fries? >> jimmy: is it good on french fries? well, yes. i do believe it is good on french fries. >> is it good on vegetables? >> jimmy: it happens to be good on vegetables. it is good on ve

but can you tell people on "jimmy kimmel live" to vote for me? you can go to afterbuzztv. we'll be the destination for the after-show of "dancing with the stars." >> jimmy: i thought we were the destination for the after-show of "dancing with the stars." >> we're going to be talking about the after-show as a wrap-up show. like "sportscenter" for tv. but i want to make sure my hosts are unbiased about this. >> jimmy: you're going to hire people that are unbiassed? >> i'm trying. >> jimmy: it's not going to work. [ laughter ] you have to do the laugh a lot during the show. >> wait. derek's catching my laugh. >> jimmy: really? it's not going to be cute for him. >> he started to laugh like a goat. you caught my laugh. you totally caught my laugh. >> jimmy: there's your sob story. i was afflicted with this crazy laugh. as a child. >> yes. >> jimmy: there's something for you. all right. i hope i won't see you again soon because you know once you get eliminated, you come on. >> i never want to see you again. >> jimmy: okay, good. maria menounos. the new

i'm jimmy kimmel. pleased to be joined by guillermo and frank's red hot, the america's number one hot sauce brand. we go everywhere together. one, because i find guillermo delightful. and frank's red hot is the perfect blend of taste and heat. frank's red hot is good on everything you can eat. >> we should see. is it good on french fries? >> jimmy: i do believe it is good on french fries. >> is it good on vegetables? >> jimmy: yeah. it happens to be good on vegetables. [ laughter ] it is good on vegetables. >> is it good on wings? >> jimmy: you know it's good on wings, you silly little guy. [ laughter ] in fact, excuse me for eating with my mouth full. but did you know that frank's redhot was the secret ingredient used to make the original buffalo wing recipe back in 1964? >> yes, jimmy. i did know. is it good on shoes. >> jimmy: well, let's find out if it is good on shoes. you know what? it didn't good on shoes. >> dicky: frank's redhot, i put that [ bleep ] on everything. "jimmy kimmel live" back in

"jimmy kimmel" is next, see you here tomorrow. >> dicky: tonight on an all new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> mike guacamole too early -- is it okay if it's a little bit furry on sunday? >> dicky: martin scorsese. >> as far as it melting, i'm not show sure. >> i'm sure and it doesn't work. >> dicky: and kenneth branagh. >> there's steve martin and tom hanks, hey, nice job, really good jobs, >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- martin scorsese. kenneth branagh. and music from angels & airwaves. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. how are you doing? thank you. and welcome. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for visiting. thank you for watching. thank you for making love in front of the television set. i'm glad you feel so comfortable with me and i with you, by the way. i take it it was a beautiful day here in hollywood. sun was shining, got up to almost 70 degrees -- i got to wear my dolphin shorts into work which was a treat for my co-workers. it would be fun to have some s

and now, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause >> reporter: that's very nice. thank you. thank you, cleto. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for being here tonight. thanks for not fronting, i hate that. what is fronting? i was talking to my friend, baby doll today. this is a grown man named baby doll. we were talking about something on the show last night. we showed a clip of wolf blitzer saying omg. and he was laughing about it. and he said, what does that mean? omg? it means oh, my god. he says, i don't like that stuff. [ laughter ] and then, i lol'd for quite a while. [ laughter ] the initials for things are kind of annoying. k.o.a., you know? i blame mtv for this. tonight on mtv, there was a new episode of "jersey shore." or the dr. drew pregame show. there's eight episodes left. who knows? that could be it. we need to get a few more seasons out of the ladies before they graduate to "mob wives." snooki has been on quite a tear this season. she no longer uses the bathroom. she now

jimmy kimmel is next. good night, america. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> concerned about their teens having sex, they should make their kids do what i did, which is play clarinet in the high school marching band. >> jessica alba. >> one time, i took my dad's ford probe to jack in the box. >> so, you were a really bad kid then. >> barney frank. nathan myhrvold. >> it's like, i don't even know yo >> jimmy: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- jessica alba. barney frank. chef nathan myhrvold. and music from the tower of power horns. with cleto and the cletones. and now, once more, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hello. and thank you for watching. thank you for coming out tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i am jimmy. you can call me james, if you want to be formal. today is ash wednesday. as some of you probably know. and it is also because god has a weird sense of humor. national margarita day today. that's a real

live," coming up next. >> jimmy: oh, hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. reading up on the epic new role playing game, "reckoning." >> did you say "the reckoning"? >> jimmy: why yes, baseball legend curt schilling, i did. i can't wait to play it. >> i've got your copy right here. but better yet, let me take you to the game's huge, wide-open fantasy world. >> jimmy: amalur? you can do that? >> i can do that. just rub your nose on this bloody sock. >> jimmy: is that the famous sock? >> no, i did this yesterday mowing the lawn. >> jimmy: no, i'm not going to do that. >> you have to it. >> jimmy: really? >> yep. >> jimmy: all right. wow. it's even better than in my dreams. >> welcome to amalur, jimmy -- a brand new fantasy world with 10,000 years of history created by r.a. salvatore -- where we've reinvented how cool combat to a can be in a roll-playing game. you're going to need this. >> jimmy: what's this for? >> for that. >> jimmy: oh. this game's too easy for me. the ahh! >> dicky: "kingdoms of amalur: reckoning" -- kick-ass combat, endless adventure and ep

and now -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. how are you doing? thank you. and welcome. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for visiting. thank you for watching. thank you for making love in front of the television set. i'm glad you feel so comfortable with me and i with you, by the way. i take it it was a beautiful day here in hollywood. sun was shining, got up to almost 70 degrees -- i got to wear my dolphin shorts into work which was a treat for my co-workers. it would be fun to have some snow, though. i was talking to somebody who said it was snowing back home and, well, this is from marquette, michigan, it's called street skiing. it's just like regular skiing only you do it on the street. got caught on the sign. well, let's slow that down and watch it again because it's worth seeing here. see, he gets up on the rail and then hooked on the side. and his friends actually left him there. they left his -- they left his skeleton as a warning to others who dare to street ski. hey, this is interesting. in 1976, the year freddie prinz

jimmy kimmel is next. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> california has become overrun with chihuahuas. true. every morning, my gardner fires up his leaf blower and fires chihuahuas off my driveway. >> "science bob" pflugfelder. sean "diddy" combs. >> >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- sean "diddy" combs. "science bob" pflugfelder. and music from miley cyrus. with cleto and the cletones. and now, stay still, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's very nice. appreciate it. hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching at home. thank you for coming to -- [ cheers and applause ] -- visit. i hope you had a good valentine's day last night. did you have a good valentine's day last night? [ cheers ] it's good to get the sex out of the way for the rest of the year, isn't it? [ laughter ] it is kind of weird to come to work knowing what your co-workers did last night. [ laughter ] i know one -- jason, what -- did you -- what did you do last night? did you make love to your be

. >>> up next on an all new "jimmy kimmel live." >> i tell you something, i remember a time when halftime performers respected their audience enough to show them a nipple. >> michelle williams. from "mob wives," big ang. music from pitbull. and jimmy's youtube challenge. >> the ring finger is okay. no problem with the pinky. but this -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. with my pal guillermo and a word about belvita breakfast biscuits. part of a new kind of breakfast with 18 grams of delicious whole grains per serving. maybe it's time we try something new for breakfast. >> why, jimmy, i like to eat my diabeteos. >> i know, and i love my colonel f fatsos. but this give us sustained energy. let's give them a try, shall we? >> wow, lightly sweet, crunchy. and do i taste high quality, wholesome ingredients? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did you say? >> i say, wow, lightly sweet, crunchy. and do i taste high quality wholesome ingredients? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why, yes, guillermo, you do. >> belvita breakfast biscuits are very, very good. good-bye cookies and doughnuts. good-bye mars

jimmy kimmel is next. see you back here tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> i don't care, as long as i can get good illegal fireworks. right guillermo? >> antonio banderas. >> just lip synching me. exactly what i would say. she was like -- >> damon wayans jr. and music from 50 cent. >> guillermo, what is he saying? >> i don't understand. >> this is the worst edition >> jimmy: oh, hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. reading up on the epic new role playing game, "reckoning." >> did you say "the reckoning"? >> jimmy: why yes, baseball legend curt schilling, i did. i can't wait to play it. >> i've got your copy right here. but better yet, let me take you to the game's huge, wide-open fantasy world. >> jimmy: amalur? you can do that? >> i can do that. just rub your nose on this bloody sock. >> jimmy: is that the famous sock? >> no, i did this yesterday mowing the lawn. >> jimmy: no, i'm not going to do that. >> you have to it. >> jimmy: really? >> yep. >> jimmy: all right. wow. it's even better than