hello, elon. >> hello, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: where are you right now?> this is my new in the daytime tv show elon. would somebody bring me a small bowl of those things whimsical so i can present him. >> jimmy: it looks like you're on the set of "ellen." >> it's call elon now. i bought it. >> jimmy: you bought ellen's show from her? >> yes, i paid her 2 billion dutch coin. >> jimmy: oh, wow. how much is that worth? >> well, you know $1 billion dutch coin? it's twice that. idiot. look, now it's time for me to do a dance! >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> mars, mars, mars! space space space! mars mars mars! sace space space! >> jimmy: yeah. >> wasn't that like totally relatable normal guy performance i engaged in with my flesh body, jimmy? >> jimmy: yes, i mean no. why are you doing this? >> well, you see, jimmy kimmel, i was such a hit this weekend when i was hosting "snell" that i thought, what other things am i great at and totally-qualified for? and it occurred to me, hosting an everyday television show program is like for me. >> jimmy: okay. all right. >> someon

by the way, jimmy kimmel, friend of jimmy kimmel might want to tell jimmy, if he wants to re-ignite his feud with me, i'll willing to throw it down any day or night of the week. i think it's wise to stop commenting on my show. i'll explain why straight ahead. >> tech: every customer has their own safelite story. this couple loves camping adventures and their suv is always there with them. so when their windshield got a chip, they wanted it fixed fast. they drove to safelite autoglass for a guaranteed, same-day, in-shop repair. we repaired the chip before it could crack. and with their insurance, it was no cost to them. >> woman: really? >> tech: that's service you can trust, when you need it most. ♪ pop rock music ♪ >> singers: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ which shows will you be getting into tonight? how 'bout all of them. netflix. 'cause xfinity gets you really into your shows. when one burns for someone who does not feel the same. daphne, let's switch. from live tv to sports on the go. felix at the finish! you can even watch your dvr from anywhere. okay, that's just showing

host jimmy kimmel is spewing more hatred.r talking about the real problem of homelessness. there are homeless people all over your state. don't you have anything better to do trying to be funny to boost your dismal ratings. we crush you by 70% in total viewers. that's this quarter. don't talk about my show anymore. since you did, let's remind people. you want to talk about ignorant assholes. this is you dressed as carl malone and when you had a cucumber in your pants during the man show. maybe your bosses at disney can talk you out of your bad behavior. you talk about my show i will hit you back. ball is in your court. laura ingraham, take it away. >> laura: okay. jimmy kimmel is on the floor. we have to pick him up. >> sean: we had a spat back in the day. if he wants me to remind his bosses of disney of all of the crap he's done over the years, i will pick that fight. the ball is in his court. i would advise him not to talk about me anymore. >> laura: i am glad i never watch

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. things are slowly getting back to normal. our bond theically tones are back in studio. you've been here the whole time. >> i've been here, yeah. because of covid we have no studio audience the people you hear pretending to laugh is our staff here at the show. but tonight, last week we had one person in our studio audience, tonight we have two. we're taking it slow. it's couples' night. say hello to our audience. [ cheers and applause ] there they are. all right. thank you and welcome. what are your names? >> my name is chelsea. >> jimmy: chelsea. >> my name is caleb. >> jimmy: how adorable, chelsea and caleb. chelsea, you are with child? >> i am, yes. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] have you seen the show before? >> we watch all the time, this is our first time here. >> jimmy: is it possible then the child was conceived while you were watching the show? [ laughter ] >> i guess it's not impossible. >> jimmy: but unlik

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, everybody. i'm jimmy.t of the show. thank you for watching. things are slowly getting back to normal. our bond theically tones are back in studio. you've been here the whole time. >> i've been here, yeah. because of covid we have no studio audience the people you hear prete

not i'm jimmy kimmel, i make sex jokes. not an ending like that. drama. >> jimmy: like in the e.r. story, probably my only good e.r. story is running into you in the e.r. >> isn't that crazy? we talked about that before. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i brought my friend andrea martin with me, she wasn't feeling well. >> jimmy: great comedy legend andrea martin. >> she is the best. i'm looking, and we're talking, and i look over, and there you are just standing there. i'm like jimmy? and you're kind of far away. just standing there. how are you doing? what you doing here? you were my warm-up guy. >> jimmy: my friend don, warm-up guy. >> he was sick and you brought him there. i thought that was so nice. you're the nicest man in show business. >> jimmy: well, but i was upset because you brought andrea martin, and she was just being ignored basically. did you ever see setv? >> or my big fat greek wedding. what do you mean you don't eat meat? she is the funniest person ever. so we were there. i go -- i have this condition. i always say name a part of my body and i

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, emily blunt, diego boneta, and music from american idol winner chayce beckham. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here i am. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. a special welcome to the night owls. some of whom, and i wish i had given you a heads-up about this last night, but last night starting around 2:00 a.m. here in l.a., something magic happened in the sky. we had a super moon and a blood moon. which teamed up to form a "super flower blood moon." the flower part means you were high when you saw it. [ laughter ] a "super flower blood moon" happens when there's a supermoon and a lunar eclipse at the same time. this is what it looked like over australia. this is the kind of thing we used to be interested in before we had instagram. [ laughter ] it was visible here. unfortunately, i had already made plans to stare at a different part of the sky at that time. did you see it, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, i didn't not see it. >> jimmy: you di

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there.or joining us in sunny los angeles, california where things are looking just a little bit brighter every day. things are getting back to abnormal. [ laughter ] we're finally back to administering more shots of botox than the vaccine. [ laughter ] which is great. we have officially entered what the state calls the yellow tier. unfortunately, anyone who has ever driven in l.a. knows nobody slows down for yellow. [ laughter ] saunas and steam rooms are alloweto

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.se i tell you something. here in the united states, things are really looking up. there is a new sense of optimism, the likes of which we have not been felt in quite some time. according to a new abc news poll, americans are more hopeful about the future than they have been in 15 years. since 2006. of course, that poll was conducted before we found out elon musk is hosting "saturday night live." we'll see if it holds up.

i'm ama de >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for looking me. thanks for everything. that's very kind. we have a lot to report tonight, and i want to start with an update on a story we went through last night. in houston, there was a bengal tiger on the loose, just strolling through a neighborhood. nobody knew whose tiger it was. until a man, who is out on bond for murder, showed up, grabbed the tiger, and fled the scene. the police chased the man briefly and then lost him, which is weird. last night it got weirder.

tonight, gabriele union, dwyane wade, music from royal blood, and now, jimmy kimmel! y: hi, thank you, hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. we had an accident over here. thank you for joining us here in sunny southern california where we are still masking no matter what the cdc says, and will apparently continue to do so for another month. the state of california said they're not lifting the mask mandate in stores and public places until june 15th. which will be known as "please stop screaming at the assistant manager day." all over town. the rules are a little confusing, so let b

keebler® - made with magic, loved by families™. >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series ♪ big dipper hanging high up there breathe in the backwoods ♪ ♪ and let it go i ain't never been the church going type ♪ ♪ can't quote much past 3:16 even though it's a friday night ♪ ♪ church found me sittin' here drinkin' beer talkin' god amen ♪ ♪ killing time livin life with some down home friends when the worlds gone crazy ♪ ♪ man it all makes sense sittin' here drinkin beer talkin' god amen ♪ ♪ amen ♪ ♪ gotta thank him for a little piece of dirt little peace of mind ♪ ♪ from a cold one gotta country angel i don't deserve ♪ ♪ the kind that you never let go of i don't know what ♪ ♪ heaven looks like nah i don't think anybody does ♪ ♪ if it's like down here up there tonight there's folks like us ♪ ♪ sittin' here drinkin' beer talkin' god amen killing time livin' life ♪ ♪ with some down home friends when the world's gone crazy man it all makes sense ♪ ♪ sittin here drinkin beer talkin god amen ♪ ♪ i don't know what heaven looks like, and who the hell does ♪ ♪ if it's like down here u

register today aidswalk.net >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benzn cleveland, ohio, kings of leon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ waking early in the morning waiting on the light of day whole new kind of feeling ♪ ♪ is on the way i'm not scared of knowing if we're ever getting out we could be here forever ♪ ♪ without a doubt ♪ ♪ ♪ time is often higher learning i'm still barely making grades ♪ ♪ just about imagination anyway we are circling the wagons lining up in single file ♪ ♪ members of the jury are standing trial i'm waiting on a memory waiting on a memory oh ♪ ♪ said if you love me and you're willing to dance we could take it to the high seas ♪ ♪ echoing echoing where do we stand ♪ ♪ ♪ my heart's hard of hearing my head's full of sand ♪ ♪ feet point both directions if you need a hand ♪ ♪ black water reflection ♪ ♪ lost in a city park i can't find my way through the dark waiting on a memory waiting on a memory oh ♪ ♪ ♪ said if you love me and you're willing to dance we could take it to the high seas ♪ ♪ echoing echoing where do we stand we'll be sa

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, everybody. i'm jimmy.watching. i appreciate it. hey, you know what? i'll tell you something. it's monday. it's not so different from most mondays, except for one kind of big thing, and that big thing is ufos. did you see "60 minutes" last night? i know you're laughing. i'm not joking. no, you didn't watch. >> guillermo: no, i didn't watch. >> jimmy: the truth is not just out there anymore. it's here. "60 minutes" did a story last night, in which they interviewed some very credible former pentagon and milit

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you. hi, everyone. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on a big night, it's "friends" reunion night in america. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. they might not be there for you anymore, but we are. right, guillermo? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. we are coming to you from studio 4h in hollywood. you know, we haven't had a studio audience in well over a year. at first, i did the show for no one at home. which was sad. and now, i've been doing a show for our staff. which is somehow even sadder. [ laughter ] so to liven things up, we've benv

learn more and get started today at chime.com [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel livela, and most of all, james, our first studio audience member in a year. [ cheers and applause ] you did an absolutely great job. did you enjoy yourself? >> the best birthday present ever, thank you. >> jimmy: would you recommend the show to others? >> yes. 5 out of 5. >> jimmy: would you like to do me a favor and bump matt damon for yes? >> sure. >> jimmy: all you have to do is say, sorry, we ran out of time. >> i can do that. >> jimmy: go ahead, james. >> i'm sorry, matt damon, we ran out of time. >> jimmy: it feels so good, doesn't it? >> it does! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "nightline" is next. but first, joining voices and forces on a song called "flames." mod sun and avril lavigne! ♪ ♪ i still burn for you like the sun burns in the sky i still burn for you ♪ ♪ i still burn for you my whole life i've been on fire i still burn for you ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel yeah ♪ ♪ up in flames up in flames light a match and put it up to my name ♪ ♪ up in flames i still burn for you every time i th

stay tuned now for chris rock >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!mira wiley. and music from morray. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching. thanks. i appreciate it, thanks. you know -- i want to mention something. because my day, this morning, i got off to kind of a strange start this morning. i was on the internet. i was thinking about buying something and the website i was on, before i watched the demonstration video, which didn't work, by the way, before i was able to watch it, it required me to hold down the button to "prove you're a human," it said. and i felt like saying "screw you." i have to prove i'm a human?

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. thank you.ow. thanks for watching. we are coming to you from hollywood, the most gam russ place in the world. and this is a big night here in our studio. a notable night. you know, when the pandemic started, i spent months telling jokes in my kitchen to no one. my audience was a vitamix. [ laughter ] and then we finally got back in-studio last fall. and since then, because we can't let anybody in, i've been crew, the people who work here, many of which have made it clear that they've had enough of me. [ laug

tvs jimmy kimmel. what a coincidence. you see this scam, it's as plain as the nose on someone's back and face. if you are a racist in your past, embrace the most destructive brainwashing ideology and it will give you immunity. it's like a vaccine for a-holes. gender is a republican and jimmy kimmel is not. >> is it transphobic to color -- calling him a trans and ignorant a-hole. showing we don't discriminate no matter their gender orientation. it's tough. i guess we will let the internet decide tomorrow. >> greg: silverman realizes that the only way she can paint over her past is the same way jimmy kimmel does. it's why jamie, cocreator of "the man show," is the self appointed ambassador of wokeness. do you remember "the man show?" the credits would roll over videos of girls in bikinis jumping on trampolines. that's about as woke as rolling in credits or video of girls in bikinis jumping on trampolines. i consider it art. silverman and jimmy kimmel share the original sin of blackface and they employee woke is him as kevla

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- heidi klum, mike epps, and music from madness. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for looking me. thanks for everything. that's very kind. we have a lot to report tonight, and i want to start with an update on a story we went through last night. in houston, there was a bengal tiger on the loose, just strolling through a neighborhood. nobody knew whose tiger it was. until a man, who is out on bond for murder, showed up, grabbed the tiger, and fled the scene. the police chased the man briefly and then lost him, which is weird. last night it got weirder. houston police tweeted, "update number 2: victor hugo cuevas --" that's the guy, "is in custody. the whereabouts of the tiger are not yet known." [ laughter ] sleep tight, kids! that's great. [ laughter ] anyone with information on the tiger is urged to contact hpd major offenders at -- they give the number. listen, if i see a tiger, i'm no

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you.ost of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining me for -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. hour 15 of our live coverage of the nfl draft. and with the 238th pick, the cincinnati bengals select -- guillermo rodriguez. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: oh, yeah! >> jimmy: they had the nfl draft tonight in cleveland. i don't want to sound ungrateful

lincoln family of luxury suvs. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ let out the vegas in you. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmelwears his sunday best mother's tired she needs a rest the kids are playing ♪ ♪ up downstairs sister's sighing in her sleep brother's got a ♪ ♪ date to keep he can't hang around our house in the middle of our street ♪ ♪ our house in the middle of our our house it has a crowd there's always ♪ ♪ something happening and it's usually quite loud our mum ♪ ♪ she's so house-proud nothing ever slows her down and a mess ♪ ♪ is not allowed our house in the middle of our street our house in the ♪ ♪ middle of our our house in the middle of our street our house ♪ in the middle of our ♪ ♪ father gets up late for work mother has to iron his shirt ♪ ♪ then she sends the kids to school sees them off with a small kiss ♪ ♪ she's the one they're going to miss in lots of ways ♪ ♪ ♪ >> mr. c.j. foreman. ♪ ♪ ♪ our house in the middle of our street our house in the the middle of our i remember way back then ♪ ♪ when everything was true and when we would have such a very good time ♪ ♪ such a fine time such a ha

remember get up at 2:45 an >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"- lena waithe, kelvin harrison jr., and music from allison russell featuring brittney spencer & brandi carlile, and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: well, hi there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. welcome. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us at our headquarters in hollywood, where we were attacked last night by another devastating ted cruz twitter strike. [ laughter ] once again, i have found myself in a squabble with the senate's least-favorite senator, ted cruz. and once again, guess who started it? me. i guess i started it. [ cheers and applause ] last night on the show, i mentioned the fact ted cruz got some flack for being stupid.

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you, i appreciate it. we are coming to you from hollywood, where -- i'll tell you something. everyone knows this. we eat a lot of weird stuff here in hollywood, but nothing like what i'm about to describe. over the next month or so, billions of cicadas will emerge in more than a dozen u.s. states, from new york, west to illinois, down into georgia. all over hot spots from indiana to new jersey. they show up in force once every 17 years like mom jeans and fanny packs. [ laughter ] but his time, they'd better be ready, because this guy is ready to eat them. that's professor gene kritsky. he wrote a book about cicadas, i don't know who would read that. and he says "you wanna eat the females, because they're full of eggs." which is a statement so creepy, it should be a documentary series on netflix. [ laughter ] but people do eat them, with vegetables, deep fried, dipped in chocolate and gold. eat them for dessert. boy, we went from baking our own

and jimmy kimmel fit that profile extremely well. >> i was a little surprised when i learned that jimmyow." >> never thought that one day my career might go to this place, and i'm going to have to be careful. >> i'm a busy guy, and sometimes i just don't have time to get loaded. that's why i love shotgun beers. >> there was an every man quality to jimmy there was a likability to jimmy. and these were all qualities that i felt were enormously important. and in the blink of an eye, i was on stage. >> we're on. >> it didn't make a whole lot of sense, but i guess none of it does really. nobody is late night host until they are one. >> there are no nude women in the film. are you so tired of hot naked starlets that it doesn't even faze you anymore? nobody wants to see that. let's put more of sam rockwell's ass. >> when you get a late night talk show, you want to make it different, which is a mistake. >> i don't know why that format still works, but it does. i think when people break from it, it doesn't. >> i didn't stand up and do a monologue. i didn't wear a tie. everything we did was wrong

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, rob mcelhenney, uzo aduba, and music from middle kids. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. hola. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for joining outside a very special day here in los angeles, california. today is cinco de mayo. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. most americans think cinco de mayo is mexican independence day, but it's not. it is -- guiller guillermo, should i explain? >> guillermo: yes. you're the owner, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cinco de mayo is the day white people and their coworkers order margaritas at chili's. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually, no. this is a historically important day for all north americans. it celebrates mexico beating back the french at the battle of puebla. if the french had won that battle, they would have likely allied with the confederacy and helped the south win the civil war. just wanted to mention that, because a lot of people lately need a reminder that the south didn't win

♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. ney spencer and brandi carlile, allison russell! ♪ yeah i'm a midnight rider stone bonafide night flyer ♪ ♪ i'm an angel of the morning too the promise that the dawn will bring you ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm the melody and the space between every note the swallow sings ♪ ♪ i'm 14 vultures circling i'm that crawling dying thing i'm the smoke up ♪ ♪ above the trees good lord the fire and the branch that's burning ♪ ♪ lord maybe you were sleeping, lord but mary she's not weeping no more, no ♪ ♪ yeah i'm a midnight rider stone bonafide night flyer i'm an angel of the morning too ♪ ♪ the promise that the dawn will bring you i'm the sick light of a hurricane's eye ♪ ♪ i'm a violent lullaby i'm six fireflies one streetlight i'm a suffocating ♪ ♪ summer night hmm mmm i'm each of his steps on the stairway i'm his shadow in ♪ ♪ the door frame i'm the tap tap of a lunar moth i'm the stale beer on ♪ ♪ his breath hmm mmm his soul is trapped in that room but i crawled back ♪ ♪ in my mother's womb came back out with

right now on jimmy kimmel. former president george w. bush. hope you have a great weekend. good night. >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i think i speak for all of us, when i say we appreciate it. we are coming to you from los angeles. which once again, our air has been named the most polluted in the united states. according to the american lung association. and that study was done before 4/20. in l.a., when your yoga instructor tells you to breathe in deep, she's actually trying to kill you. unfortunately, all the benefits of us not driving during the pandemic were wiped out by the wildfires caused by climate change. which was caused by all the driving we did earlier. it's what you call a catch-2022. it was pretty crazy to see how clear it was when we were all in lockdown. i found out we have mountains, which i didn't know. did you know that, guillermo? >> jimmy: but you know what they say. it's not the air "quality" that counts. it's the air "quantity." did you celebrate 4/20 last night, guillermo? >> of course, jimmy, yes. >> st

and coming up next, jimmy kimmel's comments after joe biden speech. we have the tape next and of >> take a look at jimmy kimmel's so-called comparison of joe biden and kamala harris this week. >> making two years free for students, 62 billion, serving disadvantaged students, donald trump last year did this. >> i have some good news for you, i can proudly announce that an opportunity scholarship has become available and is going to you and you will soon be heading to the school of your choice. >> giving out one scholarship to one little girl, already enrolled in a great school grade school and i don't think went to the school. >> wow, mocking a memorable moment for a young girl receiving a scholarship, does the left really have no boundaries at this you? we have our fox news contributor joining me now, you are a former teacher and what do you say about that. >> i say that donald trump did more for black americans than joe biden and barack obama. he misrepresented donald trump and his record on education. funded historically black colleges, and that mes

[ cheers and applause ] >> yes, jimmy kimmel, yes! >> jimmy: it's right out here.might have appeared in a few more things than donald trump, i'm not sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's great to see you. thanks for being with us. daniel day kim, everybody. "stowaway" on netflix now. good to see you. be right back with amethyst kiah! i have the pleasure to present to you... dr. martin luther king. sometimes, this is what it takes. facing down hate. facing down bias. as we step out, bay area, lets step up our march towards social justice and health equity. join aids walk san francisco live at home, streaming on may 16. register today aidswalk.net you're into your shows, right? register today the office. now you can be really into your shows with xfinity. find your favorites with just your voice. there is no fire. it was only a simulation! what?! dwight. manuel takes another one! get live sports on the go... he's stealing my scene.it inrnet, startst cled.rtnment so go on, get really into your shows. you need lotion. xfinity. it's a way better way to watch. >> jimmy: than

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, gabriele union, dwyane wade, music from royal blood, and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, thank you, hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. we had an accident over here. thank you for joining us here in sunny southern california where we are still masking no matter what the cdc says, and will apparently continue to do so for another month. the state of california said they're not lifting the mask mandate in stores and public places until june 15th. which will be known as "please stop screaming at the assistant manager day." all over town. the rules are a little confusing, so let me break it down for those of you who live or plan to visit here. if you're vaccinated, and you're indoors, you don't need to wear a mask, but you do have to wear a mask until june 15th. at which point you don't have to wear a mask, unless you want to. that is, if you're vaccinated. unless you're on a plane, train, or bus, in which case you both need to and have to wear a mas

and coming up next, jimmy kimmel's comments after joe biden speech. we have the tape next and of course hi guys! check out this side right here. what'd you do? - tell me know you did it. - yeah. get a little closer. that's insane. that's a different car. -that's the same car. - no! yeah, that's before, that's after. oh, that's awesome. make it nu with nu finish. welcome, today's discussion will be around sliced meat. moms want healthy... and affordable. land o' frost premium!!! no added hormones either. it's the only protein i've really melted with. land o' frost premium. fresh look. same great taste. >> take a look at jimmy kimmel's so-called comparison of joe biden and kamala harris this week. >> making two years free for students, 62 billion, serving disadvantaged students, donald trump last year did this. >> i have some good news for you, i can proudly announce that an opportunity scholarship has become available and is going to you and you will soon be heading to the school of your choice. >> giving out one scholarship to one little girl, already

now i'm on the jimmy kimmel show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, you really made it. >> i made it!nd i? >> jimmy: what did we do? go through. >> we didn't host the oscars! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. we sure didn't. >> wasn't me! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know, it was real weird, feeling of relief to have not been involved in that at all. >> when you're home -- i was like a back seat driver. i was like -- like my father used to say, "brake, brake!" i was like, "joke, joke!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's weird. in a way it's like the opposite of your conversation with the people at "saw." you're like, have you ever considered adding some humor into the "saw" series? someone must have gone to the oscars and said, have you ever considered subtracting all the humor from the oscars? [ laughter ] >> they did a good job. if that was what they went for. >> jimmy: when we come back, we'll see a clip from the movie chris will probably now not get nominated for next oscars," spiral: from the book of saw." be right back with chris rock. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel

and coming up next, jimmy kimmel's comments after joe biden speech. we have the tape next and of course more from tomi lahren. as that are free without insurance. because our nationwide network of over 1,500 doctors at 900 locations all have one goal — to make you smile, today. start now. call 1-800-aspendental or book online at aspendental.com cyber attacks are relentlessly advancing. to end them, cybereason built a cyber security solution so advanced... it can end attacks today -- on computers, mobile devices, servers and the cloud. and deliver future-ready protection, keeping you sharp for tomorrow. join us, the defenders, in our mission. cybereason. end cyber attacks. from endpoints to everywhere. >> take a look at jimmy kimmel's so-called comparison of joe biden and kamala harris this week. >> making two years free for students, 62 billion, serving disadvantaged students, donald trump last year did this. >> i have some good news for you, i can proudly announce that an opportunity scholarship has become available and is going to you and you will s

and coming up next, jimmy kimmel's comments after joe biden speech.ape next and of wanna help kids get their homework done? well, an internet connection's a good start. but kids also need computers. and sometimes the hardest thing about homework is finding a place to do it. so why not hook community centers up with wifi? for kids like us, and all the amazing things we're gonna learn. over the next 10 years, comcast is committing $1 billion to reach 50 million low-income americans with the tools and resources they need to be ready for anything. i hope you're ready. 'cause we are. >> take a look at jimmy kimmel's so-called comparison of joe biden and kamala harris this week. >> making two years free for students, 62 billion, serving disadvantaged students, donald trump last year did this. >> i have some good news for you, i can proudly announce that an opportunity scholarship has become available and is going to you and you will soon be heading to the school of your choice. >> giving out one scholarship to one little girl, already enrolled in a great sc

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, rosario dawson, dr.a. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. i'm glad we're together. i want you guys to know something. you are, and i mean this -- you are the bill to my melinda, so thank you. [ laughter ] bill and melinda gates yesterday announced that they have decided to part ways after 27 years of marriage. they got the 27-year itch, i guess. [ laughter ] the split is said to be amicable, they've already agreed to a custody arrangement. bill gets to spend time with their money on tuesday nights and every other weekend. [ laughter ] melinda gets it the rest.

right now on jimmy kimmel. former president george w. bush. hope you have a great weekend. immy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i think i speak for all of us, when i say we appreciate it. we are coming to you from los angeles. which once again, our air has been named the most polluted in the united states. according to the american lung association. and that study was done before 4/20. in l.a., when your yoga instructor tells you to breathe in deep, she's actually trying to kill you. unfortunately, all the benefits of us not driving during the pandemic were wiped out by the wildfires caused by climate

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. i'm glad we're together. i want you guys to know something. you are, and i mean this -- you are the bill to my melinda, so thank you. [ laughter ] bill and melinda gates yesterday announced that they have decided to part ways after 27 years of marriage. they got the 27-year itch, i guess. [ laughter ] the split is said to be amicable, they've already agreed to a custody arrangement. bill gets to spend time with their money on tuesday nights and every other weekend. [ laughter ] melinda gets it the rest. they have a combined estimated worth of at least $134 billion. when you're that rich, why do you even need to get divorced? can't they just live in separate wings? [ laughter ] poor bill gates. he's been sleeping in his jet. it's very sad. [ laughter ] but he's getting back out there, he's already got a profile on tinder. [ laughter ] that photo is a little bit dated. and he also has a killer wingman. remember this guy? yeah. [ laughter ] he's dead now. died over t

exclusively at the home depot. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz," anitta! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ hot girls falling in love with the girl from rio ♪ note yeah yeah ♪ ♪ and telling from a different rio from neither one that you know ♪ ♪ the one you meet when you don't have no real baby it's my love affair it's my love affair yeah ♪ ♪ just found out i have another brother same daddy but a different mother ♪ ♪ this was something that i always wanted baby it's a love affair it's a love affair yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ oh whoa ♪ i got it i got it i got it ♪ ♪ i got it it runs in my blood oh love it i love it ♪ ♪ i love it i love it you already know a dime a dozen ♪ ♪ i'm lucky i'm lucky i'm lucky i know ♪ ♪ it's my love affair hot girls where i'm from we don't look like models tanned lines, big curves ♪ ♪ and the energy glows you'll be falling in love with the girl from rio ♪ ♪ hot models ♪ ♪ tan lines and curves and the energy glows ♪ ♪ you'll be falling in love with the girl from rio ♪ ♪ babies having babies like it doesn't matter ♪ ♪ yeah the streets have ra

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" uzo aduba, and music from middle kids. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. hola. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for joining outside a very special day here in los angeles, california. today is cinco de mayo. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. most americans think cinco de mayo is mexican independence day, but it's not. it is -- guiller guillermo, should i explain? >> guillermo: yes. you're the owner, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cinco de mayo is the day white people and their coworkers order margaritas at chili's. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually, no. this is a historically important

we appreciate >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"ht -- shaquille o'neal, patton oswalt, and music from chase rice. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i appreciate it. hey, you know what? i'll tell you something. it's monday. it's not so different from most mondays except for one kind of big thing, and that big thing is -- ufos. did you see "60 minutes" last night? i know you're laughing. i'm not joking. did you see -- no, you didn't see -- >> guillermo: no, i didn't watch it. [ laughter ] . >> jimmy: the truth is not just out there anymore. it's here. "60 minutes" did a story last night, in which they interviewed some very credible former

right now on jimmy kimmel. former president george w. bush. hope you have a great weekend. good night. ♪ >> hey, bay area. it's time to share some amazing stories and feel good. we could all use some inspiration right now, and you've come to the right place. this show is all about good food, good people, and good living. on today's show, a helpful app for pet owners... >> petcode is sort of like an all-in-one pet-management system. >> ...mouth-watering coffee crunch cake... >> we have the original recipe. it's a family secret. >> ...the ultimate primal experience... >> have the weight of the world. >> ...building confi y don have toompete to be a fighter. >> but first, a "top chef" alum shares his favorite dish. ♪ >> how does cooking make me feel? i feel cooking is probably one of the most historic, purest forms of love. mothers do it for their children. families do it for each other. it's one of the most physical forms or the only physical form that i know that translate the feeling of nourishment. ♪ and i think it's one of those ancient thing that, no matter what color yo

. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"!ly blunt, diego boneta, and music from american idol winner chayce beckham. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here i am. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. a special welcome to the night owls. some of whom, and i wish i had given you a heads-up about this last night, but last night starting around 2:00 a.m. here in l.a., something magic happened in the sky. we had a super moon and a blood moon. which teamed up to form a "super flower blood moon." the flower part means you were high when you saw it. [ laughter ] a "super flower blood moon" happens when there's a supermoon and a lunar eclipse at the same time. this is what it looked l

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, everybody. i'm jimmy.the host. thanks for watching. thank you, i appreciate it. we are coming to you from hollywood, where -- i'll tell you something. everyone knows this. we eat a lot of weird stuff here in hollywood, but nothing like what i'm about to describe. over the next month or so, billions of cicadas will emerge in more than a dozen u.s. states, from new york, west to illinois, down into georgia.