pwith cleto and the cletones, and pnow, stay focused, here's jimmy pkimmel! p>> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the phost. pthank you for watching. pthanks for coming. pit's wonderful to have you here. ptoday is -- for those of you who pwednesday. pforeheads? pdo we have an audience entirely pmade up of heathens? pash wednesday is the official pbeginning of lent. pi've noticed a lot of people use plent as an excuse to diet. pthey give up things like pchocolate or carbs for 40 days. preasons. retty sure jesus didn't die to pget you ready for bikini season. pthis year i decided for lent i'm pfootball. pweeks. pi feel like -- as i'm sure you pknow there was a primary pelection last night. plast night half the state of new pthey want the host of "celebrity papprentice" to run america and pthey weren't joking. pdonald trump and bernie sanders pwon their respective party rimaries. pit was a great night for loud pmen with crazy hair. pthere were some surprises. pon the republican side, governor pjohn kasich came out of nowhere pto finish second despite the pfact that no one ha

p[ cheers and applause ] p>> announcer: portions of "jimmy pkimmel live" are brought to you pby mountain dew kickstart. pthree awesome things combined. t to prove it, r by popping a sim card into my phone. now it's a straight talk phone. and network for half the cost. toward your college fund. invisibility, now! your phone, your network, half the cost. unlimited talk, text, and data is just $45 a month. find out more at straighttalkbyop.com. what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like there better be some what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this chevy cruze limited for around $179 per month. find new roads p[ cheers and applause ] p>> jimmy: hi there. pwelcome back. ptonight, she is an oscar nominee pdanish girl." pshe is nominated for best psupporting actress, palicia vikander is here. p[ cheers and applause ] pthen, all

p>> dicky: portions of " jimmy pkimmel live" are brought to you pby la-la yogurt smoothies. pyogurting. ractice it on the go. 't make this stuff up. p four bandits chose a prius asr their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius?v over. this thing is actuallyr pretty fast. over. t very funny. p we should get some flowerst for the car. v yeah! vholly! toyota. let's go places. shop kohl's... through monday!... because yes2you rewards members take an extra 20% off!... plus - get kohl's cash too! earn and redeem rewards points and kohl's cash throughout the store! enroll today - anyone can - it's quick and it's easy! kohl's. r "scorsese finally wins." r"could you double checkt the envelope?" r "best actress, 1984." "and i can't deny the factr that you like me." "life is like a boxt of chocolates." "you never know what you're gonna get." "we're gonna need a bigger boat." "xfinity x1 lets you access the greatest library of oscar moments, simply by using your voice. live oscar sunday, p>> jimmy: hi, welcome back. ptonight, from t

p[ cheers and applause ] p p>> dicky: portions of "jimmy pkimmel live" are brought to you pby icy hot smart relief tens ptherapy. pturn on smart relief and turn phips, knees, and shoulders. v v p(store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in ther (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek. love. subaru. p who knew dates and cashews mashed together could taste likena cookie? you think they'd taste likep dates and cashews. t nope, cookie. v weird. p la t piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have tor experience this city. p that's what you always say. p you were right about the food. r hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. t one more. p it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseballtgame next time? v done! v done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard. only at priceless.com. p>>> thanks for coming. poh, it was $8,000, is funnel? pthe funnel cost $8,000. preally? the american people can't for ideas that sound good on paper... but will never make it in the real world. th

p[ cheers and applause ] p p>> announcer: portions of "jimmy pkimmel live" are brought to you pby mountain dew kick-start. pdew. pjuice. pcaffeine. [richard] a thousand people winp one thousand dollars. every day at h&r block. you can still win. get in on this. it's refund season. wassup? i'm hannibal katz's deli pastrami sandwich. (katz's employees) hey!!! hey what's up? hey can i pay with my phone? you mean like apple pay? we don't got that. no like samsung pay. even on this he wants to pay with his phone. whadda ya want hannibal? i want to pay with my phone. don't look at the cameras mike. it doesn't work. boom! oh! samsung pay is here and pretty much everywhere else. p>>> this is a script, not they're one ofr the wall street banks p that triggered the financialr meltdown -- goldman sachs. just settled with authorities for their part in the crisis that put seven million out of work and millions out of their homes. how does wall street get away with it? millions in campaign contributions for wall street because it's riggedt by wall street. and that's the problem. as long as washington is

plittle sneak peek of jimmy pkimmel. pmakes you think in they do. p>> you can see it all tonight on p"jimmy kimmel live." p>> doing that takes the steam p>> if you can laugh about it it ptakes the power out of it pcounting down to oscar sunday. prachel smith is actually getting pthe party started at samsung's p837 building with chef josh pkapaun and have tips to throw an pamazing oscar party for 100 pbucks or less. p>> wow. pgreat to see josh out there with prachel. p>>> we are counting down. pif we hadn't mentioned it before pto oscar sunday. phold on, breaking news, the poscars are this sunday. pso, this is a great "gma" ptradition as you may know, we pall take turns in front of the pgreen screen to star if you will pin oscar nominated flips. pwe have a special thursday throw psam's best. p>> action. p>> take 70. p>> milk, please. pi don't want to ask twice. pkingdoms. rotector of the realm. p>> i feel like a giant petroleum pexpectant. pis that close? pwell, good morning, district 12. pthey are en fuego. p>> we are on fire, we got this. p>> fire.