joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? ( door creaks ) ( snorting ) ( door slams ) maude, there's a prowler in the house. get up. what are you doing up? prowling. at 3:00 in the morning? i'm sorry, walter, these are the peak hours for prowlers. well, i got a big day at the store tomorrow. the matter? no, nothing-- uh, just a touch of insomnia. you go back to sleep. you never once had trouble sleeping in the six years we've been married. and for the four months before that. that's three months, walter, don't brag. just go to sleep, and i'll be there in a few minutes. actually, w

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? ? it's impossible ? ? for maude findlay to go braless ? evening, maude. oh, hi, honey. ( clucking ) sweetheart, i haven't seen you all day. don't i rate a kiss? not now, maude. ever since lunch, i've had a caraway seed stuck in my-- in my back tooth that's driving me crazy. where's the dental floss? you know, i can never find anything in that cabinet. honey, it's on the right-hand side. i always very carefully put everything pertaining to dental hygiene in the same place. since when? since the morning you gargled with my lydia pinkham. oh, and honey--h

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? come on, now. it's all right to take it out on me what happened. well, first, all i had was a soggy tuna sandwich for dinner, but could i even enjoy that? no! because there was some 200-pound matron who was deciding whether she wanted a washer-dryer in guava yellow or pistachio green. incidentally, she was one of only five customers that walked into the store all day today. the fifth was a wino who stumbled in to use my facilities... and wound up using the pistachio green washer-dryer. tell me, walter, was the wino a short man? yes. well,

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? c'mon, maude. finish your makeup and let's get outta here. oh, maude! don't be depressed. you look beautiful! i do, don't i? now, i suppose, actually, i should be thrilled. i mean, here i am, 46, i don't look a day over 41. sweetheart, you're 48. then i don't look a day over 43. ( china smashing ) what is that? that! that must be carol and chris fooling around. yes, walter! that's me and chris foolin' around! see? well, i wish they'd fool around with each other and keep their hands off my crystal. oh, honey. listen. since it is my birthday, walter, will you prom

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? ( sucks ) ( sucks ) walter, are you gonna smoke that pipe or play it? ( sucking ) it's clogged. ( sucking ) where... ( sucking ) ( sucking ) where are my... ( sucking ) where are my... out with it, walter! where are your ( sucking ) what? my pipe cleaners. how should i know where your pipe cleaners are. maude, i need something long and fuzzy to clean my pipe. maybe you'll like me to starch your caterpillar. all right, maude, i won't smoke my pipe. ( loud clinking ) walter, will you stop?! you're driving me up the wall! it's only been a week since i took up pipe smoking. you'll get used to it. neve

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? she was a sister who really cooked. ? ? isadora was the first bra-burner. ? ? oh, yeah. ? ? and when the country was falling apart, ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and then there's maude. ? ? and there's... ? ? that uncompromising, enterprising, ? ? anything but tranquilizing, right-on maude. ? mm, that's good. but this'll be even better. (audience laughs) much better. (audience laughs) (singing) tell me what the spring is like on jupiter and mars. - [maude] walter, please! (door slams) walter, i'm sorry. honey, i'm sorry. walter, i am so sorry. you'll never know how sorry i am. walter, walter, walter, you have every right to absolutely furious with me. honey, i know i've been spending a lot of time up in albany lately, you know, lobbying for that antipollution bill. and, oh, walter, i know i couldn't have honey, my guy, my guy, walter findlay, chosen tuckahoe's businessman of t

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? this telethon's gonna be a big success. well, i hope so, art. oh, here comes my co-chairman now. maudie findlay, this is dr. jamison, oh... the director of the gallbladder foundation. tell him what a great show we've got. he's a little nervous about the show. oh, doc, that's show biz, opening-night jitters. but like gallstones, this too shall pass. mrs. findlay, are we going to have "big stars?" of course we are! to begin with, we've got euell gibbons. oh, arthur, honey, i'm sorry. euell couldn't make it. no, he's back home in minnesota with a severe case of poiso

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? there will absolutely not be steak and kidney pie with mashed potatoes. we are having broiled trout and a salad with diet dressing. hon', that's really amusing. remind me to give you a raise. oh, thank you. when does it start? when hell freezes over. got any idea what's bothering walter? oh, no, but i'm sure it has to do with money. i--i--i...you know, he's--he's just-- he's just not himself. and he says, "nothing, maude, "except we have to cut down on expenses." then he runs around the house, turning off the lights and stuffing his face. it's like being married to an owl w

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? mother, i don't understand. you hired a housekeeper, site unseen? ency said that this woman is a gem, a treasure. carol, i can hardly wait for her to get here. mm-hmm... is she black? no. the agency was fresh out. no, but this woman is not only a fantastic housekeeper, she's supposed to be a fab-- ( doorbell rings ) that's mrs. naugatuck! mrs. who? close your mouth, walter, and try to look intelligent. coming! findlay residence? yes. this is from mrs. naugatuck. carol, honey, would you do me a favor and take that up to the guest room? gues

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? she was a sister who really cooked ? isadora was a first bra burner ? and when the country was falling apart ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? and then there's maude ? and then there's maude ? and then there's maude ? and then there's maude ? and then there's maude ? and then there's maude ? and then there's that uncompromising enterprising ? anything but tranquilizing right on maude! ? e going to blow thee on. (audience laughing) mrs. naugatuck, this is going to be a fabulous party, the most fantastic party ever. i mean, i guarantee you, this is not going to be one of those typical new year's eve disasters where all the guests sit around waiting for guy lombardo to come on while two drunks throw up in their paper hats. (audience laughing) your dull party's going to be any better? - because i have a big surprise, the greatest, most fun-filled idea i have ever had for a party. and i'd tell you what it is, except you have a big mouth. (audience laughing) - i couldn't care less. - you're going to hear it whether you want t

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? for crying out loud, maude, what did you do with my suspenders? because you always put things where i can't find them! always, maude! you always put things where i can't find them! you're right, walter. and i'm sorry, sweetheart. actually, if you want your suspenders, you'll find them hanging off the roof. i find them very handy for washing the basement and second story windows at the same time. - maude... - i'm sorry, honey. i'll help you find them. you know, we're gonna be late. - i'm gonna miss all the guest celebrities! - come on-- bod

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? unfair? walter, what would you say about a man who when his wife leans over to kiss him good morning says, "not now, not before i've had my coffee." please, maude. this is not a movie. when robert redford wakes up and leans over and kisses barbra streisand before he's had his coffee, he's only doing it because they're paying him a million dollars. a million dollars for robert redford? money well spent. v-8 juice, sir-- starts the day with that extra little morning dash. i've already had my morning dash. yeah, right past me. my, isn't he in

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? carol, i need your help. ree hours before the party. but mother, you'll never guess how much i paid for-- oh, lord, my nails are a mess. here, carol, buff this. mother, i-- buff, carol, buff! you'll find silver polish in the den. by the way, mother, i'm three months pregnant. carol, i don't care what you do at the office. when you're home, you work. now, scooch. walter, are you still here?! maude, will you calm down? it's just a little party. a little pa--you call a sit-down dinner for 12 people "a little party"? for crying out loud, maude, it isn't even your party, it's v

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? oh, florida, i'm so excited. tle black girl's room. look--records, stuffed animals-- you'll notice the color of the puppy. and here is the piece de resistance. a poster of isaac hayes. they say that john denver is very big now, too, but unfortunately, he's white. oh, poor devil. with us, you know, here we are the first family to take a minority child to stay with us on. with us leading the way, florida, this entire white neighborhood will very soon be sprinkled with little black faces like flowers. yeah. up to now, i've been the only one--

joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? a't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? where they always are, sweetheart. lost. come on, maude. you know i always keep my reading glasses in the desk drawer. now, what happened to them? i bet you florida moved them. you know she's been behaving very strangely lately. i think it's change of life. you think everything's change of life. has to be something. you know, the other day when she did the laundry she put starch in my bra. you gotta be kidding. no. yesterday, i walked around all day pointing at the ceiling. something is definitely happening th florida. something in her mind!

she's joan of arc, madame curie, shirley chisholm, and lena horne all rolled up into one. you roll all them into one and you get totie fields. that's funny. yeah, i thought you'd like that one. look here, son. i'll just show you something here in the album book. look here. aw. there's my baby sister right there. yeah, see that. you know, you were more like a father to her than a brother. passed when she was 2 years old so i raised her like she was my own. hey, hey, what is this guy that she's marrying, rodney victor? what does he do for a living. son, i don't know what he does for a living, but it must be something good because frances is too great to settle for anything less than mr. right. [groans] i'll sure be glad when they get here. be like one big happy family. that's good. my house is their house. hey, that's nice of you to say that, pop. my food is their food. hey, that's the way i like to hear my old man talk. welcome sis and broth. that's not broth. that's bruth. you know, like in brother. well, it looks like broth to me. well, only a real dummy would think that

the great showman and hillary clinton is kind of joan of arc of america.t became, i think, a reality tv show, one that went haywire. it's like frankenstein's story. it became a monster. now we're all living with it. there's a dark cloud hanging over the land and donald trump saying the election is going to be rigged and hillary clinton is attacking the fbi and everybody wants the election to end. and it went on for over two years. so we've got to kind of reassess what we're doing with these presidential elections. they're supposed to be an enhancement of our democracy. instead, i think, 2016 has seemed to dehabilitate all that's best in the american spirit. >> how did we come to this point? we came because, some of the most important issues in american life, immigration, the effect of trade on those who are not globally competitive, had been left to the margins of society, because as much as democrats and republicans disagree, on those issues that were so important to so many people, we had an elite consensus they were not to be discussed. nafta and tpp, e

ask joan of arc. >> announcer: she burnt. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: caramel apples, you're sticky, you'ck [ applause ] christmas music. november is only half over. can we slow down? nat king cole you have the voice of an angel but i don't want to hear a peep out of you until december 18th. >> announcer: your chestnuts just got roasted. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, christmas music, i know you're trying to be joyful, but it comes off a little sarcastic when you hear "it's the most wonderful time of the year" while you drag your screaming toddler through a target. do you know what would be a good christmas song? "i will survive." [ applause ] pardoning turkeys. good news, we're going to save one of you. bad news, the other 50 million members of your species can go straight to hell, i.e. my belly. what happens to the pardoned turkey the next day? you send him off to a nice farm somewhere, where the survivor's guilt just gobbles away at him? you know who i bet doesn't love the tradition of pardoning turkeys? innocent people on death row. "oh, quiet down, the president is making a pardon. oh, it'

. >> i didn't set out to be joan of arc, but i think that what happened to me deserves some attentionive as you once were, which was outrageous. and she decided to make an issue of it. she filed a lawsuit, and it became a huge national topic of discussion. >> a jury said she got a raw deal because she is a woman. >> and so women in television news everywhere were asked, what do you think about christine craft? >> i think unfortunately in recent years the emphasis has been increasingly on physical appearance, and to the extent this decision helps swing the emphasis back to substance and to good journalism, i think we've got something to be happy about. >> it was important to make the point that what mattered was what kind of reporter were you. it took the christine craft incident i think to bring that conversation out into the open. >> this coming sunday a new television network opens for business, cnn, cable news network. >> you're throwing all of the dies on this one. >> why not? nothing ventured, nothing name. faint heart never won fair lady. >> on that original point, mr. tru turne